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I finally managed to obtain 100mg of 5-MeO-DMT, but it's not as reality shattering as I expected it to be, maybe I'm just not dosing it right... 5mg Boof: nothing much, except the burn up my ass and the wall texture looking a bit sharper 10mg Boof: feel like I'm dozing off, I lie down, feel very overwhelmed, but I find a trick, I just empty my mind and feel fine 20mg Boof: feel overwhelmed, then empty my mind, then just feel light headed, everything looks normal, reflections are more noticeable 6mg Smoked: stronger than boofing, shorter though, manageable, nothing special 12mg Smoked in three hits: stronger effect, noticeable body load, chest feels softer, but I easily keep all the context in the background Had few more trials with similar results, am left with 10mg. What it taught me: to let go of the monkey chatter brain, but that's kind of it. I had profound experiences with other psychedelics though: 75g of truffles: disintegrating, immense organic worlds, speedrun personal meaning, visualize and annihilate ego distractions, become nothing 300mg of lsd: with chanting and great effort I stabilize vision into a fractal pattern and barely glimpse what others call a dmt entity ketamine + 4-aco-det + 5-meo-mipt: feels like kundalini release, my voice becomes untampered, I feel authentically myself for the first time in my life, I face the fear of solipsism and loneliness, maintaining and integrating the level of overstimulation I feel I feel like some of the experiences I wound have had on 5-meo or n,n I experienced through taking the equivalent of 15g of shrooms. I also had many more hyper-heroic dose experiences that left me lying down for hours disoriented and overstimulated. By now I learned the actual feeling of resistance thanks to actual 5-meo and wonder how far I can now push it. But then again, I feel like if I don't focus on anything, there's no trip, if I just lie down and wait, not much happens, maybe that's the point, there's nothing and I set the objective, though I would really like to see some aliens and spirits that I don't have to intently focus into existence in a way that's indistinguishable from impressioned intentful daydreaming, even in my largest trips, it always felt like I was doing the imagining and it was a conscious effort, I really just wanted to be taken away by the experience without having to imagine it myself. At the same time, I got many really weird ideas and vibes that I would not have come up with by myself, so maybe that process of receiving these ideas and directions is exactly the thing outside of myself that I am looking for. It's just kind of anti-climactic having to visualize it all myself, I feel like I only get vibes and ideas, while others describe getting whole video-streams through automatic open and closed eye visuals. I don't think I've ever gotten open eye visuals except becoming aware of the innate details of my environment or the floor looking and feeling uneven or leaf dense trees looking fractalized when staring at them for long, or the shape of the spacing between their branches giving me alien vibes, or multiple trees when focused upon looking like they're made of humans in different poses forming a type of spheroid arena around me with a 50m radius. Where I'm at right now: I realized today that the perceiver is nothing, since every thing is perceived and by virtue of being perceivable is not the perceiver itself. Maybe there isn't even a perceiver but don't push me, I don't feel it yet, I move my hand and feel the intentionality. Yet there is no seeing, just sight, no hearing, just sound, no being aware, just awareness being itself and somehow all linked by consciousness, some kind of aether substrate of it all. Where is the feeling of I/me? What is it even? I'm still figuring that out, got any good guiding questions? I often feel inhabited by spirits or energies but feel like I need to put in energy to express it all and so the distinction between them and me is unclear, getting a feed of visuals sure would be easier but that only happened once with closed eyes. Even on 20x salvia, plants start looking extra 3d and have copper like metalic texture but no actual weird visuals, I feel super light and energized and am compelled to walk like a funky egyptian, I get thoughts like "just remember, if a tiger attacks you, it's probably not real" and I feel strong deja-vu but no actual concrete visuals, like I'm given vague impressions and have to create a script or play based of them myself, really anti-climactic. Oh, and dissociatives make my body completely relaxed and I feel like I'm made of rubber and my mind also takes on elastic properties and my intuition is supercharged, I can instantly learn new concepts effectively and all videos I look at look like they're really dumb, the people in them sound like 3rd graders and I can instantly filter out the messages and intents and just "get it". Doing things feels simpler, I set the intent and my body and mind work on their own, it's like the ego was actually an obstruction that creates confusion and drama and without it I can just innately get things, figure them out and do them and everything seems so easy like I'm the one overcomplicating it. High doses make render me unfunctional though, until the come down which is amazing. I also tried HHC edibles to see what happens, they brought out anxiety from my childhood, I remembered a lot of things I left behind and wanted to forget, it made me glad because I wondered what I've been doing all my life feeling insecure in my current self and now I became conscious of what that was, all the trauma I went through and know the answer. Ever since it's just disorienting though. CBD is relaxing but kind of weak, I might have to judge it in context as a combo with psychedelics. TLDR; 5-meo didn't affect me as much as I thought, should just have boofed it all at once, but in retrospect other trips might have had a similar quality and I'm really just jealous of everyone else auto open-eye visual hallucinating cool things into existence.

Are you an alien? You are out of this world!

You can frame it in a more positive, humorous light, it's an equally valid perspective You can also see it as change / cessation / transcendence / expansion / dissolution / shift of focus / change of perspective. You can also perceive it as a shift in identity / a haircut / pruning tree branches / getting new clothes / moving house / going on vacation / a new job / making new friends / going to party / upgrading your PC / cleaning yourself of mud with a shower / taking a dump (a massive ego-dump) XD. You can also realize it as quitting a toxic relationship / setting boundaries / taking action / lifting weights / change of lifestyle / healthy habits. Those were all positive framings, but it can also be experienced in a negative light, so its important to be aware and know why. You can feel it as nostalgia / missing an ex, even if they were abusive / being homesick / the loss of a parent / having a tornado sweep your home away / being alienated from the people around you / being promoted after having gotten cozy in your position / you and your friend going to a different college after high school / long term relationships / leaving your family behind as you go into space as an astronaut / missing your childhood and hometown / having the favorite flavor of your favorite food disappear and be replaced / having somebody destroy your long gathered collection or the sand castle you spent so much effort on / feeling alone and lonely / feeling abandoned, forgotten, left behind, ignored / being forsaken by god / entering hell / panicking / massive discomfort / being an alien / being stranded on a deserted island not knowing if help is coming. So then most importantly, it's how you integrate your understanding/perspectives/experiences into your deeper awareness, to mitigate panic during trips. Your essence is beyond life and death but do take care of your body, it's your temple and made of love Fear is vanity but caution is wise, here's no benefit in panic, a greater explorative awareness is a better choice You are Love. You deserve Happiness. You're doing the Best you're currently Capable of. You are an Expression of the Infinite. You have Agency. Fall in Love with what you Choose to Engage in. Surrender to intuitive Flow. Your Journey is about Liberation from Limitations, not about perpetuating Suffering or Hardship. This journey is uniquely yours to cherish and unfold. When you Realize the Vanity of your Pursuit, you'll stop asking questions and start having fun Transcend and include, all perspectives exist in a web. Any duality can be united. You can transcend the spectrum of experience and get to its essence, instead of aiming for maximum joy, truth, purpose, you can become their essence itself, including the whole thing inside yourself and understanding it in and out, though you can always contextualize and expand your awareness further. You are your beliefs and you have the power to change and determine them. Anything is possible and you access it with higher awareness and faith in yourself. Your doubt itself limits your experience and creates the life you have. This is all tricky, as your own paradigm-lock will prevent you from even seeing others beyond it, that would give you the agency to choose, that's why deconstruction/concentration/meditation/contemplation/yoga are important. "Ego-Death" itself is a valid perspective, the ego dies, but your essence doesn't die, you liberate it and gain greater awareness of both the previous ego and its opposite duality. You get to choose, you expand your autonomy, you transcend paradigms, your life when integrated holistically will turn to the better, if you're not lost in backlash and work through it. Just like lifting weights will give you soreness but leave you stronger, how solving a puzzle is frustrating but grows you, how emotional labor makes you suffer but gain greater appreciation, awareness and perspective.

Great Video. Jhana 8 "beyond perception and non-perception" available when the visual field arises, around 13 minutes... "continuously able to see it", or better (if I may): Intuit & realize the Infinite (Absolute), where the mind can't go, while appearances arise... Definitely a new fusion-style-cuisine of the age old Jhana-lingo. Yummy. Buddha meets Nagarjuna once more. Nice. John Churchills "Planetary Dharma" in the making, with all contemporaries having the chance to watch its creation. What wonderous & magnificent times we live in. Now we just need to get Leo back from being a bit you-do-you-annoyed to being passionate again about singing the song of his heart about his courageous Alien-realms-journeys to places no human has gone before, in poetic descriptions (where dry logical words can't convey, the poet can use its art to cast the magic into songs that tell of magnificent Eternity & Infinity). And smile back at the crocodile (when the crocodile smiles at you, sometimes all one can do is smile back) https://www.actualized.org/insights/crocodile-love, and this lovely place gets know the Infinite and also Infinity of Infinities... Relaxing in the River, by the River, for the River

An alien for president?

@Leo Gura then please contact them with your alien mind to come back here. We need support

@Leo Guracan you clarify in what happened when you tried to capture your transformation to a form of an alien? No one here could take a picture so far in an alternate state where stable hallucinations manifest. I was once close to capture one stable hallucination but I didn't for whatever reason. Up to today I regret about not doing it

Amazon has failed to produce a camera which can record Leo's alien transformation. Such is the spite of the universe. Alternatively, the ever-present non-dualness of the universe is always presently available to be seen and experienced, by any and all cameras. There is no non-dual cockblocking from the universe. All cameras have non-duality built into them by default. Interestingly, I know of schizophrenics who use their phone camera to discern whether what they are hallucinating is physically real or not, and it actually helps them traverse their symptoms. Not a bad tip at all. Some on the forum might benefit.

@Leo Gura I wonder why you have called nondualists out in the past so viciously. Won't a completely nondual awakening be absolutely fantastic? That's what we're all looking for! I think the truth seeking human, on a feeling level, is really after this. So Leo, even though you have seen higher truths than nonduality, so what? Or do you believe that having a completely awakening is still a recipe for devilery, even when combined with your entire body of work? Why go Alien X? It might be true but why not get us all to nondual awakening first? This is very confusing. And yes I very much love Leo and his work and this community ❤️

Yes I agree. So everyone's life is different and different paths, and probably different ways to describe the phenomenon happening. So this type of discussion is kind of useless but i knew that already. But I get confused when Leo speaks of different levels of awakening. When I speak truths from my own observation, such as all is one, and I Am, then I think Leo would be there to say "that's nothing, you're infinity distance from awakening". But Leo can say that always. Like however much progress you make, there will always be a Leo who will say that's not real awakening. I've said this before: there's a real chance that Alien X and all content Leo made AFTER the solipsism episode is a test to see how stupid people are. That awakening happens as it does, solipsism is all there is to it, but we keep creating dualities and want Daddy Leo to guide us so he will continue to trick us. But really, YOU know the truth. Idk.

Thanks, I try my best to be as transparent as possible. It's one of the perks of being anonymous. You better believe I don't say this kind of stuff to others in person lol. Even among those who are into spirituality, this is pretty esoteric. Adyashanti mentions it during the interview at the end of his book and audiobook "Spontaneous Awakenings". At least by his description, he claims he'd be able to discern others' awakening by the contents of a conversation rather than by an intuitive paranormal ability gained in the awakening itself, though it's possible he was just being modest and also mindful of how unusual that would sound to others if he claimed otherwise. It's hard to say. I guess by "average level" I'm referring to those who have had a awakening of the type he describes, which is very considerable indeed, but remain ignorant of what I'm talking about here. I don't mean it to be condescending, and perhaps I should have said "typical" instead of "average level", because it's certainly more rare to successfully dive into these side areas of spirituality. I definitely do not want to pull Leo into this conversation, because I don't think this is something that he especially likes or chooses to discuss as part of his teachings, but here's one of his blog posts worth reading. This is just a sliver into a much larger world that, for whatever reason, people just aren't aware. But luckily for us here on the forum, we've already personally experienced a large range of phenomena that'd be considered "impossible" by normal standards, so it's a relatively smaller step into comprehending that there's even more outlandish truths than what we currently understand. Like I said, this is just a little tidbit of interesting info. If you find yourself curious to dive more into the topic of human spiritual potential, you'll find stuff you never would have imagined. https://www.actualized.org/insights/varginha-ufo-alien-communication

Because the state of cessation (or the dissolution experience) tends to reduce grasping/attachment because it partly frees from the "grabbing/grasping" character of the egoic mindstream after having had that state/cessation for a number of times. In short, it makes life easier and suffering/grasping less. But it doesn't provide full liberation/the potential for Full Enlightenment. The ideal of early Buddhism was the escape to these states of cessation, the more permanent the better. Permanent Niroda = permanent dissolution = Nirvana = No more rebirth. With Mahayana, the Buddhist Traditions broke through to true Nondual Enlightenment. Leos God-Realization, see the God-Realized approved Supreme Source for example, link above. Sounds a bit different than cessation/dissolve/die and get off the wheel of Samsara/Niroda/bye bye forever? Oh yes... Why? Because Absolute Truth is always right here. Never can not be here. Why shut it all down when IT is always right here? When the suffering/grasping clouds of the separate-self/ego are structurally dissolved (Full Enlightenment), and not just temporarily switched off via cessation, Infinite Nondual Impersonal Being replaces the separation/grasping/suffering of the ego in daily life. And the Sat-Chit-Ananda aspect of it (Bliss/Love/Compassion/Nondual Awakened Awareness) is off the charts. Trust the Salesman by the River. Caveat Emptor is good, but sometimes there is enough good Karma to just buy the right "stuff". by the River So no need for dissolution afterwards... Mahayana philosophy is a totally "different beast" than early Buddhism/Hinayana. For example: https://www.psychedelicsangha.org/paisley-gate/2019/5/8/the-supreme-array-scripture-a-psychedelic-stra-for-buddhist-psychonauts-pp3zz#:~:text=Composed sometime around the third,cosmic vision of the universe. In Mahayana, Enlightenment is not the end/extinction/cessation/dissolution, but the beginning of the caterpillar having turned butterfly, expressing its enlightened intention not only in this life/bardo, but also in future ones. The whole Reality then goes like "Oh nice, one more for the team"... A whole chain of being of enlightened beings (human, alien, ET, Buddha-Field Creator/Sustainer/and so on) fits into the manifested Infinity of Infinities of Infinite Being. See the WbtR 2x2 matrix of enlightened & or merely awakened Aliens & Humans. Its a totally different and much more positive worldview than Early Buddhism, which was more like "die, cease and get off the wheel". Would be a lot of effort on creating humans via an evolution of billion of years and then getting rid of the gig asap., don't you think? Chris Bache in "LSD and the Mind of the Universe: Diamonds from Heaven" called the visions he had been shown of the future evolution of humanity a growth towards what he called the Diamond Soul, a magnificent destiny for the species. And since even that isn't the end, its Infinity up the Chain of Being... well, mucho adventure ahead. So it seems that at some point, Leo gets to become his n+1 AWAKE Alien permanently. Hopefully, he doesn't take to many detours on the way there. Being reborn automatically as n+1 "Infinitely consciousness" awakened Alien is not guaranteed, but earned and developed towards. Soul, Karma and such. Not that the suicides influenced by certain inadvertantly & flippantly irresponsible teachings/statements say "hello" in a less than amused way after he has left his current bodily-vehicle. So in summary, early Buddhism doctrine just didn't reach Full Enlightenment. At least in its doctrine/philosophy. It reached causal states, but not truly impersonal nondual/fully enlightened ones. There have been Nondual Realizers for sure between "the Buddha" (aka time the doctrine was formed)" and the Nondual Breakthrough towards Infinite Reality/ Infinite Being that happened first with Nagarjuna and his Middle Way/Madhyamaka doctrine/philosophy, but the doctrinal break occured with Nagarjuna towards Middle Way, and later Yogachara/(Infinite) Consciousness only. Selling non-extinction of the River by the River for the River by The River

Yes. The timeless eternal "background" (which actually is everpresent even when appearances arise) is the Dharmakaya/True Being. Sambhogakaya is something like ETs/Alien/God/Devas and what not and so on, Nirmanakaya the two-legged ape being when awake. Any any distribution along that spectrum has been used in Buddhism. And its all One (without a second) & nondual. And yet a spectrum appears. The Western version of it: The Great Chain of Being https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_chain_of_being#:~:text=The great chain of being is a hierarchical structure of,animals and plants to minerals. "The great chain of being (from Latin scala naturae 'ladder of being') is a concept derived from Plato, Aristotle (in his Historia Animalium), Plotinus and Proclus.[4] Further developed during the Middle Ages, it reached full expression in early modern Neoplatonism.[5][6]" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neoplatonism Infinity upwards, Infinity downwards. Right. And even ETs find their places in it, since its, um, appearing Infinity of Infinities. Pretty high up the ladder, but not at its end... since.... its INFINITY Infinity. A version of that can be found in pretty much all mystical traditions. Finding alignments and resonance in many of the bubbles, eddies and vortexes appearing in the mighty infinite River, since it is always the same Infinite River, and that Infinite River flows in You

It’s a matter of preference then. To me the 3 vertical cameras look ugly and weird. Literally alien phone. But I’m biased of course. I spoke with my sister last week and she told me that a man having a non-apple phone turns her off. She said it gives her an „unclean vibe”. I laughed and told her this is shallow but then I thought there’s actually something to it. I notice that young people (up to 30) with non-apple phones are quite often somehow weird. Like not properly socially calibrated. I dunno. Just my observation.

Don't skip out in exploring the ocean. You're in the Coral Triangle, one of the most biodiverse marine ecosystems on the planet. Immerse yourself in a true alien environment . Try some snorkelling, scuba or free diving. Go swim with some Whale Sharks, that will be a life changing experience.

The last couple of weeks have been transformational. When I moved to Stockbridge Halls the reality of my predicament hit me. I was about to run out of money and I couldn't afford rent. My whole system went into survival mode and I took steps to avert disaster, all the while envisaging the worst. During this time I had the realisation that weed had led me here. It isn't some miracle drug that's fuelled my creativity and kept me focused, but it's robbed me of everything. I've often thought 'was I always like this, so I gravitated towards it? How much is it to blame? Is it like an island within the chaos that keeps me going?' I believe this kind of reasoning to be part of the justification that perpetuates the behaviour, a sneaky ego trick that maintains homeostasis. Even if it isn't wholly to blame, because really it's just a green leaf, when I think about how much money I've spent on it...or about how I recently bought some and now I can't eat, it's clear to me that it's nothing but a hinderance. Would I have achieved two firsts in my assignments without it? This is a dangerous question and again I can feel the draw towards it as the question lingers....I could just smoke it until the end of the course...just to get the grades...only another couple of months...seems rationale, sensible even. Madness can appear as Logic to an irrational mind. Not this time though. I've made a promise to myself. I'm not smoking again until I have absolute security. By that I mean an established career, my own place, a car, basically I need to be 100% certain that I can afford the habit and it's not going to hinder me in any way. Why am I giving myself this olive branch, rather than just quitting for good? Partly because I can bare to not enjoy GTA 6 whilst stoned, also because I actually love the stuff and don't think it's an issue if other areas of your life are under control and it's not used as a crutch. Maybe. It might just feel better than absolutes at this stage. I watched a Shia Lebouf interview and it moved me: I hope I can remember this and check in again with it if I need to. I've been here so many times and I hope I'm not reading this in the future thinking 'I failed again.' Let me rephrase that. I won't be. I've had to access food banks, clothes hand outs...I've really been reflecting the truth of my situation for a change, rather than hiding behind benefits, my mother, credit cards, or a partner. I'm a drug addict. Drug addicts run out of money and need food hand outs. That shit's real. It's also exactly what I needed to happen, to be brought low and have to show up and say 'I'm fucked.' I've felt closer to God than ever before during this time. Like I have nowhere else to turn but God's mercy, forgiveness, grace. Hitting up the cathedral for daily prayers has been like a salve for my soul. Soul Salve. I even God my damn knees a couple of times. Someone walked into the chapel behind me and I felt embarrassed. I wanted to stand up and shuffle out but I stayed and set my intention on feeling love for the person. I feel a certain amount of shame at the idea of becoming a christian or embracing that side of me, which has always been there. It just wasn't the done thing in the circles I moved in. God botherers. Bible bashers. Idiots. Fantasists. They're so fake. Well wishers. They're all so judgmental deep down, that's why they hide behind faith. I've thought these things too. Said them. I can see it now. Faith is all I have and all I need. It's like a shield against the waves. It's the voice that says 'this too.' It doesn't shield so much as embrace. Everything is God's Grace, the joy and the pain. Why? Because it all brings us closer to it. Joy uplifts us, pain humbles us. We either fight it or welcome it, take it upon us and let ourselves be moulded in the fire. Ok so I may end up going to an extreme here. My poetic sensibilities are having a field day. Suffice to say I might become a Christian. I wonder who I speak to. A priest, or God himself? Also, what type of Christian? Or should I be a catholic? How does one decide. I'm a sucker for a rosary so maybe catholic. What's going to be trip me up? Boredom Lack of stimulation Desire for Power Associations with music. When I listen to certain tracks I want to smoke, like lbelin from the Kingdom of Heaven Soundtrack. I listened to that when I made 'On Fire for Love.' There it is again, the desire. I could get some weed tomorrow...it felt so good. Listening to that track and hearing my own track coming together, thinking 'this fucking rocks,' and getting goosebumps. Can that happen when I'm sober? Can I let it go if not...Should I? I feel I should. It's intoxicating. This will be the biggest hurdle for me by far. I can feel it. My obsession with success and the idea that weed is a magic ingredient that lets me make incredible music. Not staying busy the strangeness of sobriety. It feels alien to me. There's a part of me that just wants it to stop. Being high is all I know. Lack of willpower Reactivity External events that are hard to deal with Wanting it to enhance Things. Feeling the emptiness of an experience without it, or a reduction in stimulation. Tiredness Not enjoying composition What's going to keep me going? The image of the man I will become. Stoic, masculine, unfazed. In control, clean, healthy, selfless, alert, successful The fact that it might land me up broke again and racked with fear Faith in God NA The idea that I'm doomed if I don't The idea that I'm never going to be confident and outgoing enough to succeed The fact that so many pikeys smoke it The idea of a Shia Style turnaround. What a story The idea of complete purity and how good that will feel Not wanting to be a 'druggie' any more. Sorting out my appearance, getting nice clothes, a well groomed beard, becoming a sexy sober badass. Finding a support Network Starting a new hobby to distract me, like wakeboarding or something stimulating and healthy

I've been doing a lot of shadow work and my circumstances and abilities improved, the reality I live in has various experiences and many learning opportunities, I've learned to be more attuned and less resistant to them. At the same time I envy the context of which Seth speaks, a reality where any act is immediately materialized, experienced and traversed, the system of probabilities with a focus on exploration and intent. I find myself having many desires that do not fit in the context of my current reality, its focus is very physical and societal in nature, but this also predisposes rather linear and grounded evolution and slows down the range of possible experience and the rate of its materialization. I find myself having many desires that go beyond what I can experience in it, exploring alien realms and new vivid environments, creatively and intuitively constructing a visual space around me unbound by the laws of three dimensional existence, transforming my body into various gestalts and experiencing new senses, being free of responsibilities, routines and physiological needs, splitting my consciousness into various interactive forms and personalities simultaneously, expanding the scope of qualia, shape environments fast through precise intent, materialize various contexts, scenarios and events, exploring emotions experientially reflected in form, gaining ever deeper insights into the structure and functioning of various realities, raising my awareness holistically rather than through intellectual externalized experiments and access a deeper level of intelligence that understands to great depth various lifeforms and the nature of self. And I desire all that more than anything else, although my current reality is a peaceful and malleable one and I can live my life happily inside its current context and grow through experience, knowledge, hardship, communication and it has its own rewards in the nature of its exploration of human evolution and the polarity of separation/unity and strive for harmony, despite ever growing obstacles. But ultimately, although I can attune myself to it, it is not what my heart desires the most and I grow ever more dissatisfied that I cannot more freely and experientially access the raw nature of consciousness itself through the act of creation and self-exploration. Up until now, I felt shame that I was not altruistic enough, the lacking sense of self and individuality in the current context as a result of having immaterial desires, pushed me once to seek only to help others and to experience happiness only through relationships and social dynamics alone, yet that made me dependent and miserable, and I could not relate much of the time, the closeness that I seek I did not experience, it always appeared that everyone was too focused on physical activities and did not feel the same depth of a sense of lack as I did. But I realize I was suppressing my own desires, since they could rarely find an outlet and any identifications and projections were insufficient, physical reality locked me into its own context, and to lead the life available would result in duty and obligation, not genuine desire, I tried to join many social contexts, but could not relate to the experiences of people within them, for most of my life I was rather clumsy when it came to practical matters, recently I worked on that and let go of many neuroses, becoming more attuned and practical, but that only created a new identity, one that adapts but still feels unfulfilled. I've started exploring spirituality and it benefited my wellbeing immensely but it seems gratitude can only distract from unfulfilled yearnings. Seth says part of me strongly desired three dimensional life, that there are individual and collective dramas continuously worked on, I've gathered many experiences and desires, fascinations and perspectives over my childhood and teenage years. The context is always changing, a grander understanding forming, emotions integrate. I honestly desire to leave, I've been drawn to various life circumstances, yogic teachings, buddhist philosophy and madasamadhi, simultaneously I place great value on life, my body and cells, unfinished studies and feel more free than ever to explore the world and witness the upcoming technological singularity. I've transmuted morality, arguments of duty and obligation bind me no longer. Needs, discipline, worthiness, external projections of what I do and do not deserve no longer concern me. I find ever greater appreciation and empathy for others and I am alienated from them all the same, realizing the vanity, monotony and excesses of current life, compensating for the lack of spiritual and existential vitality and vigor. Spirituality itself often partakes in the charade, when it becomes an identity. Art itself has been my purpose but it's so limiting to express it, I would much rather become it. I genuinely seek a more expansive state of consciousness, a creative becoming, an eternal journey of self-exploration, unbound to any context and rules, reliance on others. Altruism can be an authentic desire, it can also be the greatest trap to reinforce existence and suffer dishonest repression in the process. While I am alive, I will live my life fully, but I am not drawn to remain here. Looking back at all my past psychedelic trips, though I didn't notice it then, each experience pointed me to it. In my first, I gave myself an absolute, to accept myself fully or end it right there, the second made me aware of the sensation of being alive, the third made me dance and put me through grief, the forth made me battle to let go of the past, the fifth explored the nature of society, sixth of technology, seventh of animism. In the eighth I was afraid of dissolving into god, the ninth afraid to meet aliens, tenth I was battling fear itself, then surrender, existence, dissolution, transience. I have mistakenly tried to change my desires, the true ones always remain. Self-suppression, excuses, external distractions. Self-creation, interconnection, being complete by myself. Kundalini, prayer, health, honesty. I had the need to understand all of reality, another distraction from facing the end, I've accelerated my cognition to skim through the knowledge, the act itself becoming monotonous. I'm still here, my body alive, future loosely planned, I let go of relationships, I didn't have many to begin with. I want to be free but I will not hurt my body, it is made of pure love. On many trips I kept saying desperately "I want to go home", a place beyond this time and space On one hand, I seek psychedelics now more than ever, on the other Seth's take on them is an estranged one and the integration of my whole being might be better achieved naturally, than chemically, yet I can't deny the directness of psychedelics and my own impatience in expanding the horizons of my own experience, Seth's excerpts do lead me to contemplate and reconsider however: "When large doses of chemicals are used, the conscious mind is confronted full blast with very potent experiences that it was not meant to handle, and by which it is purposely made to feel powerless. Faced with the exterior nightmares of wars and natural disasters, the conscious mind is still directed outward into that world with which it knows it was formed to cope. In periods of great physical stress it draws upon the powers of the body and inner self to perform remarkable feats of heroism, that leave it wondering afterward at the power and energy of the self in crisis. Its own stability and awareness can be vastly deepened and strengthened. In times of seemingly calamitous encounters with nature, individuals may find themselves amazed at their capacity to relate with other people. But in the artificially induced psychic disaster area of massive LSD therapy, the situation is reversed. Consciousness finds itself in a crisis situation; not because of one coming from the exterior world, but because it is forced to fight on a battleground for which it was never designed and cannot understand, where basically counted-upon allies of association, memory and organization, and all the powers of the inner self, are suddenly turned into enemies. It is made vulnerable to all those forces it was meant to lead, while being stripped of its natural logical abilities indeed, of its very sense of identity. There is nothing exterior against which it can work, and no framework in which it can get balance. Ruburt has been working on a book of poems called The Dialogues , and in it recently he wrote of the double worlds. One night he stood at the kitchen window, and quite without drugs saw a rainy puddle below suddenly turn into an alive, beautifully fluid creature who stood up and walked while the rain slid off its liquid sides. He was filled with joy as he observed this reality. He knew that in the physical world the puddle was flat, but that he was perceiving another just as solid reality; a larger one, in fact, in which that rain creature had its being. For a moment he saw double worlds with his physical vision. While the experience was exhilarating, it could have turned into a "nightmare" had his conscious mind not clearly understood; had he walked outside, for example, and found himself encountering living creatures rising out of each rainy puddle; and if for the life of him he could not have turned the creatures back. As it was, it was a beneficial experience. But when the conscious mind is forced to face far less pleasant encounters, and is robbed of its power to reason at the same time, then you do indeed insult the basis of its being. The meaning of the light will normally become unfolded as he is ready to fully perceive it. While the event has happened, therefore, like any event it is not completed. In the drug experience mentioned before, startling, enforced symbols and occurrences are suddenly thrust upon the conscious mind; and more, within a context in which time as it knows it has little meaning. The conscious mind cannot reflect upon phenomena subjectively. They happen too quickly. Within their happening there may be a distorted, grotesque duration in which action may be seemingly impossible. No separation between self and experience may be allowed. Even an exalted experience can be an assault upon consciousness if it is forced. The price paid is much too high as far as the entire personality is concerned. The feelings that are often realized in later sessions, say of rebirth, are indeed that. The old organizations of the self have fallen, and the new structures do indeed rejoice in their oneness and vitality. A strong suicidal base frequently exists here. The knowledge is present that the "old self did not make it so what assurance does the so called new self have? Again, the body is a living sculpture. You are in it and you form it, and it is to all intents and purposes you while you are physical. You must identify your material being with it. Otherwise you will feel alienated from your biological identity. This identity is your physical self through which now, in your terms, all expression must come. You are more than your temporal being alone. Your life as a creature is dependent upon your alliance with flesh. You will exist when your body is dead, but practically speaking, you will always be working through an image of yourself. If you identify with your body alone, then you may feel that life after death is impossible. If you consider yourself a mental being only, however, you will not feel alive in the flesh, but separated from it. Think of yourself as a physical creature now. Know that later you will still operate through another form, but that the body and the material world are your present modes of expression. These attitudes are highly important. In a strong drug experience you take physical demonstration out of its natural framework, presenting it in such a way that its usual reactions make no sense. A world may be tumbling down upon you, for example, yet there is no adequate physical defense or retaliation possible. The psychiatrist may say, "Go along entirely with the experience. If necessary become annihilated." This flies directly in the face of your biological heritage, and the common sense of the conscious mind. I am quite aware of the distorted religious connections made here: Die to yourself and you will be reborn; you will not kill yourself. What you think of as the self dies and is reborn constantly, as the cells of your body do. Biologically and spiritually, new life relies upon these innumerable changes and transformations, deaths and births that occur naturally both in the seasons of the earth and those of the psyche. Change flexibly with the gracious dance of all being that is reflected in the universe of the body and mind. This does not include the crucifixion of the ego. It is always because you do not trust the natural self that you resort to such drug therapy. The individuals who seek out treatment fear the nature of their own identity more than anything else. They are then only too willing to sacrifice it. Your thoughts and beliefs form your reality. There is, as Joseph said in our break, no magic therapy, only an understanding of your own great creativity, and the knowledge that you yourself make your world. In physical life the soul is clothed in chemicals, and you will use the ingredients you take into your body to form an image that is in line with your beliefs. Some of these ideas will undoubtedly be accepted by you from your culture. Others will be your own private interpretation of yourself in flesh. Your beliefs about any chemical will affect what it does to you. Under LSD therapy you expect a drastic reaction and are told to prepare yourself. Your experience will follow your beliefs and your therapist's, communicated verbally and telepathically." And yet, I would not be where I am and would have continued to suffer greatly, were it not for psychedelics, yet any expert on them eventually seems to discontinue their use.

The more I learn the harder it is for me to define enlightenment. It seems like a catch-all term for describing a ton of different states of consciousness. That being said, I have a meditation instructor who says that after a decade of consistent practice he has no more internal monologue. That seems like "enlightenment" to me. But it might be helpful to distinguish enlightenment and awakening. Enlightenment seems to be about dismantling the ego and attaining a persistent no-thought or nondual state. Whereas awakening is understanding the fundamental structure of reality. Enlightenment is something that can be accomplished naturally with lots of practice, whereas certain awakenings, especially something like alien consciousness, might require chemical assistance.

Be conscious of the neurotic emphasis on need and ego defense mechanisms including distraction, self-judgement and even pride over progress. Find a balance and do not suppress your feelings, you don't need to express them either, feel them. Face the source, transcend and forgive. Notice the evolution and traps of past stages. Purple superstition, Red domination, Blue subjugation, Orange materialism, Green contrarianism. The endless pursuit of new technologies, academic studies, ideal relationships, hedonistic lifestyles, social dynamics, philosophical utopias, existential angsts, artistic statements, societal endeavors, individual entitlements, religious zealotness, sadism, masochism, pleasure, pain, conditional love, truth seeking, aesthetics, reward and punishment, judginess, strategy, hierarchies of needs, models, comfort, preference, bias, spiritual ego, superiorness, avoidance of suffering, separation, falsehood, lies. Contextualize psychedelic experiences: Spirits, cues, synchronicities, gods, mystical experiences. The unraveling of the ego through a visual representation of one's subconscious and expansion in awareness. The recognition of one's self-delusion, waking up to the experiential truth of one's motivations, neurotic actions, external projections, deluded exceptions, karma creations, foolish unconscious behavior, suppressed emotions, mental illness, physical illness, bad posture, muscles cramps, headaches, negative emotions, discomfort, lack of love, hiding the truth, suffocating addictions, distorted perception, "irrational" fears. Symmetry, yoga, non-duality, unity, merging, expansion, inclusion, prayer, meditation, love, truth, infinity. Dissolution of limitation, the ego's release of its distorted idea of self-control. The raw naked sensation of the vastness of existence in its unconditional manifestation. Freedom, samadhi, god. Stories, likes, motivations, ego defense mechanisms. Is this one? Maybe. When reality starts unraveling and you realize the magnitude of your own creation, how will you react? When you realize the source of personality and the self-protected creation of others, how will you react? When psychedelics transform your environment into living breathing entities, how will you react? When the barrier between real and hallucination breaks down, how will you reconcile that? When you're trapped in a time loop with amnesia, unaware its your own doing to process a lesson, face those fears and let go of all ideas of self, other, past and future, forgetting all context, how will you manage that? When you fall asleep and wake up hung over, in anhedonia, pain and shame, how will you manage that? When all energy leaves your body and you collapse, feeling guilt for being alive, how will you bear it? When every surface turns into a mirror and you turn transparent, facing an eternal void, how will you face it? When the rate of change increases exponentially and not only your perception starts distorting, but your own sense of self, of the perceiver being aware and interpreting it matches morphs away at the same pace, losing self-awareness and memory of context, then what? When time starts lagging, deja vu increasing, and the usual ear tingling distorts to sound like a jagged roaring chainsaw and then that reflects in how you feel and see reality vibrating covered in white noise, how will you handle that? When you look at a pine tree and remember the sensation you felt as a child, when it felt deeply mysterious and alien, uncertain and uneasy, dangerous and alluring, how will you integrate it? When you remember the first time you became self-aware or saw your own reflection, how will integrate it? When you go back in time to when you were a toddler in the midst of experiencing perception warp into objects and distinctions capable of being focused on for the first time, how will you integrate it? When your environment and all its surfaces turn a sea of liquid mercury waving in ripples, what will you do? When you remember your child self, how unhinged and free you were, how mysterious reality felt, how long the days were and how much detail there was, how in tune and aligned your feelings were with your body, how will that experience feel? When you tune into the eternal now, all that is, center of ripples, when everything around collapses and particle waves turn into an ocean of probabilities, and all lights dim out, then what? Don't you want to let go, surrender? Is it going too fast? Do you want to reconcile your drama before you release it? Is it uncomfortable to see through each question and motivation you come up with? Do you need excuses not to dissolve? Do you want to turn back, resist? Are you clinging onto your humanity, your creaturehood, your existence, difference, uniqueness, separateness, individuality, perception, limitation, sensation, story? Are you missing your life purpose, that distraction that makes you feel amazing about yourself? Would you prefer to meet some aliens, go scuba-diving, talk to the trees, create shadow clones, astro project, reimagine your reality, jump through a portal, visit machine elves, go to the garden of eden, become a cat, jump off a plane where there's no ground, meet a philosopher, traverse history, see the future, beam up onto the enterprise, use the force, dodge bullets, meet dead relatives or skip forward to technological singularity? Are you aware you can do all that and more and not god but your own ego is the only thing preventing you from doing so? Do you feel resentment towards it now? Oh wait, that's more ego. All you can do is forgive. Are you dissatisfied? Are you aware any of these desires itself is ego? Are you aware that beauty is ego? Are you aware god doesn't care about continuity, only you do? Are you aware that there's a part of you beyond all that funny business, one who takes care of reality on such a deep level it couldn't care less about those little things and that you are unaware of that part of you that keeps you grounded, the part so well hidden in your unconscious, that maintains your existence and prevents actual hell from manifesting, that lets you delude yourself into massive suffering but prevents it from being absolute? The part that upkeeps your sense of self, shapes your every experience, feeds you desires and experiences through your "unconscious"? The part you can thank for not becoming part of "I have no mouth and I must scream", from not having "The Thing" enter your reality. The part that designed each atom, molecule, cell, body, lifeform, psychological structure, psychic entity, in whose mind you're living rent free? The part beyond all absolutes responsible for all of them. The one shuffling you between different states of consciousness from relative to absolute, without you knowing how you do it as you merely navigate by intent unaware of what makes the navigation and experience itself so consistent and possible to begin with? The part that is not merely conscious of all of existence, but its most intricate mechanics in full scope of infinite density, that has every possible problem and solution worked out to begin with. The part that is so intelligent that there's no room for "it" to be intelligent, that contains unconditional love equally within itself having not even it be a trait its biased towards over non-existence and non-love and non-intelligence. Where Love, Intelligence, Truth, Existence simultaneously become all inclusive with their non-existent counterparts. Did you experience that, are you even aware of it or merely aware of it? More stories, more pointers, more questions, more wonders, makes you question to what degree you want to know over just being content living, but I'm you're not content suffering. But wouldn't you trap yourself in a bubble if you weren't suffering? Would it limit you if you were able to construct your reality and spent all time exploring your specific fantasies? To what degree are you addicted to suffering? If you were absolutely content in the present, would you go exploring? If you were God, Infinity would be your nature, everything in every superposition existing simultaneously as you, nothing to miss out on. But as a human, or story, or entity, you seek freedom and exploration but above that experience itself. And experience as you understand it predisposes time and change, transience. Time, if only in order to describe the change of one's state of consciousness, as we experience and grow in awareness and context, retroactively describing our own evolution, an ever morphing spatial ripple disguised as time. The act of observation itself creating the sensation of time. When you get addicted to your own experiential philosophical inquiry, materializing and sharing it through language. All context, ideas, stories, pointers. Getting caught up in bliss while pursuing understanding the nature of this. But its not enough, question it deeper and deeper, understanding predisposes duality. But there's more to break out of it. Words associate feelings and experiences but are not them. We can only wonder to what depth Leo became aware of God. There's always more, infinite depth of detail to any experience since all limits are self-imposed. There's nothing and infinity and all in-between containing and reflecting both. Now all there is afraid of is fear itself. But actually, not even that is a problem, avoidance is, fear is merely a sensation, a pointer, a reaction, instinct, behavior. Avoidance seems to be the core issue, so let's face that too, face the core of any discomfort to dissolve it, to release the resistance. Face the core of love to dissolve that? Maybe, since it means its not unconditional? But does the conditional remain as the inclusive part of the unconditional? What about unconditional fear? What about fear for the sake of fear? Raw sensation without suffering? Is exploring fear constrictive or expansive or a distraction from realizing its source? Either way, face what emotion points to and include it in yourself. I guess that's the problem, remaining in ignorance, but what about ignorance for its own sake, won't magic tricks lose their magic? What if ignorance can be included and explored for its own sake, what if ignorance is itself a sensation, something that obscures reality with that being its role, since reality by god is known beforehand, explaining the possibility of current experience. What if ignorance is an additive sensation and state of mind instead of a lack? Just Let go of ignorance, in order to see? That's so funny, way too simple! Hey, just let go of ignorance, its that easy lol. Like you're actively keeping up a mist around yourself to obscure your vision and focus you into your current experience but that's exactly it, that's how god does it. How the hell did I stumble on that? If I let go of ignorance or the need to know right now, I will literally remove all my suffering? I create a belief where I allow myself to let go on psychedelics and not otherwise and its my own doing, this is intense.

Human First, Alien Later

Blowing our mind comes then with the alien mind course first the hard work

The last time i've bacame a planete (gaia ?) dominated by cosmic rays. It's indescribable, a whole new alien paradigm who several thousand to millions of times our human energy paradigm.

You are not here to be alone but that of course is entirely up to you. I wonder why God dreams of others. Try being alone for 20 years and you may rethink the question you asked or perhaps not. Can you dream of being on a beautiful planet with higher-evolved aliens that live aboard a space station above? And on this planet, you have all your needs and wants like all your Earthly materials. Imagine you are in Love or dating an alien hybrid/Human, etc. That lives with you on this planet and it's just you and her. You get to have physical and metaphysical love or love that you never knew was possible with her or him that blows your mind to the point of blissful insanity. She also meets your intellectual needs and wants. Imagine taking long walks on this planet hand in hand and something grabs your foot and you go WTF and there is a F* alien-looking gator hanging off your foot and then you go to her You don't by any chance have Rats on this planet? Just kidding. And you no longer need to have psychedelics or you still can. You can also tune back to what's happening on the planet Terra or even visit in your mind or ship. This being can put you into any state of higher consciousness by becoming one with your mind. You can also traverse the galaxies with these beings in their ships and have a few brewskies along the way and look at all the beauty of God's mind. Imagine all the alien worlds the birth of new galaxies or the end of stars. The possibilities are endless. How can empty awareness know it's empty awareness? This answers itself. Any thought you have is coming from consciousness. Where do you think thoughts come from/arise from out of nowhere? think about this. Self reinforcement. Don't just think from the end believe it is already done. Don't think about thinking about going to the end to think. Just make sure you know that it has already been achieved. Because there is no future no past not even a now. Don't think about it happening as some future event it's already done know you already have it. This method should work with everything. There is no one to change but the self. Faith must come from within yourself. Believe in yourself. Faith begins within you. I have never lost faith in myself nor have I ever doubted myself and I have always believed in myself. Who was that said everyone is you push out? So the love you feel for others is? I will leave it there. Imagery is a reality within itself and is a state of consciousness. I have no style that's my style. God is like an infinite orgasm, an explosion of imagination. Any higher power, may that be a God whatever your belief is. That passes judgment on its creation would also then have to be judged. Think of it as a rubrics cube with infinite sides arrangements tastes, colors smell, dimensions, degrees, and layers with multilayers of multifaceted degrees or levels of Consciousness. It can transubstantiate its reality. This rubric cube can then create infinite copies or partitions of itself. Every degree has infinite facets aspect self-replicating self rearranging self augmentations forever.

Remember it's fine if it takes more time. Don't push yourself through health for a deadline. Long Life to the Alien Queen

Yes please! I was hoping for this one instead of the alien stuff.