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I was exactly like this one year ago. I did not feel myself. Depersonalization, derealization, fear, panic attacks, depression, agony, dysphoria and etc. Was a real hell. I had no hope. I thought there was no chance to recover. I gave up meditation. Started antidepressants again. (I had used them before). My parents forced me to go to work and that was a good thing. I went out of my "Enlightenment" thoughts and started to get involved in life. And... when I was coming home from work walking and felt bliss, peace and the things which were making me suffer, such as meaninglessness, emptiness were now giving me bliss, freedom. But it was temporary for several days. Then same life (before Dark Night) restarted. Now I am reading Daniel Ingram's book "Mastering the core teachings of the Buddha". He says there are stages in Vipassana. Dark Night is the one you are experiencing now. He recommends keeping practicing. This is from his book:

@Gabriel Antonio Hello gabriel. Thank you. I am certainly not depressed. And yes I am aware of Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs and that's exactly what I am trying to take care of right now, the career/LP part. My definition of self actualization is: to achieve my highest possiblities and live the greatest life that I can live. (this definition includes Absolute Truth) For me, the point of self-actualization is that I am a finite creature with a finite lifetime and that I can achieve my greatest possiblities, what coud be better than this? (Excluding "Reaching a divine-like state and feeling eternal bliss" )

Maybe you have depression. One of its classic signs is loss of interest. Conversely, I'd ask you, "What's the point of self-actualization"? And more further, what is your idea of self-actualization? Reach a divine-like state and feel eternal bliss? If so, that's a very unrealistic expectation. "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." Btw - Have you read more about the hierarchy of needs, by Abraham Maslow?

@MM1988 You are not making the distinction between egoic and trans-egoic. From the perspective of the ego, there is egoic love and egoic hate. There is egoic beauty and egoic ugliness. There is egoic bliss and egoic pain. There is egoic peace and egoic suffering. From the perspective of the ego, it wants to get rid of the egoic hate, ugliness, pain and suffering and keep egoic love, beauty, bliss and peace. This is the obsession of the ego and the cause of great suffering. Transcending the ego means it all dissolves: egoic love, hate, beauty, ugliness, bliss, pain, suffering and peace. All of the ego-based interpretations are transcended and dissolve. At a trans-egoic state there may arise transcendental forms of Love, Beauty, Bliss and Peace - yet these are distinct from egoic self-need based versions. If one transcends the ego, there is no "you" to be ugly anymore. The mind-body is whole and complete - whether or not anyone thinks the body is beautiful or ugly. The mind-body will not desire to make racist jokes because it can do whatever it wants. The is no "you" vs "me". You are missing the transcendental aspect of this. This is why direct experience is so important. A mind-body can intellectualize transcending itself, yet that aint it. Not even close. The emodiment comes with direct experience.

Leo's latest video on scientific dualities triggered a deep sense of discomfort within me, for good. It felt like falling in an endless well. It started with panic (of having lost the pointers to map my experiences) and soon transformed into bliss (of realizing that I was the creator of those categories anyway, and I can make them as up as I want, if I want). My mind tends to be really active in symbols and symbolic imagery, and with the intention of integrating this with my everyday life, I started to wonder what the role of symbols (like the language I am using to get this across to you) is - in the whole network of reality. Have you seen a Rainbow? It doesn't just have seven colors. The distinction between what we call Violet and Indigo is not easily discernible. An example, quoted from an Environmental Psychology book 'Drunk Tank Pink' A 'thing' does not exist until it is categorized in some fashion. A category does not exist until it is 'defined' within rigid boundaries and is given a name. This seems obvious when you get it. Leo's 3 part series on Dualities is to trigger an unlearning process of the 20 years of schooling / scientific indoctrination. Analysis is crucial for intellectual work. For finding distinctions, developing a set of characteristics that define it and studying those set of characteristics to form conclusions. But the problem with this approach is that Analysis leaves out more than it covers. We keep adding new words into our dictionaries every year because new concepts are born every year. Further, different cultures have a fundamentally different concept of, for example, time. Synthesis attempts to rectify this problem by zooming out as wide as possible and noticing all the subtle and nuanced ways everything is networked together. True Holism is the integration of Analysis AND Synthesis.

@kieranperez The middle part, the bliss of no ego, no overthinking, with regards to your recent trip report - There, all ‘things’ become known, and There all things are possible. Through meditation, and inspection of what disappeared and how - going into that “middle part”- as well as the inspection of how “it” reappears, coming out of that middle part. Psychedelics are helpful, absolutely, but also, nothing is hidden from you. You are asking about practicality, putting it into words. Consider it can not be put into words, rather, the path to it is present in your words themselves. Something I find very helpful, is taking the time to go back and read one’s own post - and look for where it was covered, evaded, suppressed, avoided. Many posts are of the ‘right’ question, few posters allow themselves to receive the answer. Usually the post of a question becomes the unseen attraction of like mindedness. And do not make the grave mistake of misinterpreting any “bad” emotions as of the circumstances, nor of what others say. Use the circumstances, use what others say - which bothers you - use THAT. Do not trust the thoughts, trust the emotions. They have eternally guided you. Listen.

This week... Wow. I can't even put it into words what's occuring/occured. Change... Definitely but in a way I cannot say, I cannot verbalise. I keep stopping and feeling this overwhelming love, joy and bliss. I don't wanna sound cliché and I know it can because we all seem to be using the same type of words to communicate this but it's so hard to put it into language. I'm starting to realise that I have HEAVILY underestimated... Actually... Not underestimated but... Maybe looking at things from a different paradigm might be the right word to use. I'm starting to question what the mind ACTUALLY is. Like on a deeper experiential level. I see I have been looking at some questions from the smallest of corners I could of. From the most limited perspective. Reality, life, god, whatever the fuck it is... Seems to be opening up right before me. Everything is growing in depth, width, breadth and height. The way I can possibly describe it is I feel I am not looking at life (reality) anymore from my small self. From my corner, from this one perspective, it's more holistic, deeper, more breathtaking perspective. I can't describe it. I wish I could. I close my eyes and breath, 'it' is there.... The perspective I speak of. Edit: don't know if this adds to anything but my own delusions and egoic needs lies and manipulations are literally appearing more and more in front of me everyday.

Is the other way around. Joy, bliss, mind expansion, wellbeing is normal. So if you see blissful people and think is not normal, than you are sick, trapped by the balls in thos social cancer. Metaphor: this 3 headed hydra with 1000 eyes, pure apathy and disaster.

Easy, forgetting you have a heart and breath. Is not a limitation, more than 90% of the population is sick, is called social cancer, in other words, education as we know it in the mainstream. We make the best we can in this life by letting go or going into learning how to behave and than disaster comes. There is no way around this. Transcencence cannot live fully in a dormant\sick environment. And the majority prefer to be sick, even if they call that bliss. Heart cannot be bought, nor learned.

@KarlaThat's my first exposure to wikihow. Nice site! I'm reminded me of an alternative,,,,, becoming a Bozosatva http://www.halexandria.org/dward015.htm Voltaire once said that, “God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.” In a similar vein (as opposed to an artery), the prolific and world renowned writer whose pen name is Anonymous is reputed to have said, “Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.” Evan Hodkins of the School of Alchemy <http://www.schoolofalchemy.com> has creating a fine art of what he refers to as “Self-Squandering Love-Mischief.” In his unique deconstruction of the English language, Hodkins writes: “According to tradition, the Buddha, scaling the wall of Nirvana, beheld the paradisal riches of infinite bliss, and decisively slipped over the barrier into total Enlightenment. He was gone! The Bodhisattva similarly encountered Nirvana, but conscientiously elected to return to Earth to assist in the illumination of all sentient beings. Hence, the image of the Bodhisattva, like Christ, elucidates the archetype of self-transcending servanthood. Those who undertake the Bodhisattva path attempt to ‘love without loving’ -- without attachment to the outcome of the service rendered. The urge to serve is not compromised by expectations of rewards or recognition. [See, as an additional example, true Philanthropy.] This style of compassion is less like Velcro, more like Teflon. It isn’t sticky and it doesn’t make a mess! Become a Bodhisattva and your Vampire days are over! “The trouble is, the Bodhisattva is vulnerable to episodes of terminal seriosity. Too much somber service and the heart goes sour, bodies get exhausted and the old lethargy returns with a compensatory vengeance. G. K. Chesterton said, ‘Life is entirely too important to be taken seriously.’ We’re all Bozos on the same bus -- colorful screwups orchestrating gleeful good for the sake of all Bozo-kind. So how exactly do we systematically unfrown the world? Add a pinch of tomfoolery and a dash of anonymous love-mischief to every splendid day. Be love-idiots and merry pranksters. It’s the traceless way. The formula is simple -- you watched it on TV when you were just a puppy -- wear a fashionable mask, ride into town on a white horse, work your transformative magic, accidentally drop a silver bullet here and there, then skidaddle, leaving everyone in town scratching their heads in wonderment. Wake up! Why park your carcass in the Land of Despair? We’re ambassadors of joviality and dis-arming tenderness. Let’s mirth-ify the planet one person at a time.” Now does that have the potential for fun, or what! With the same kind of abandon one can practice using the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, we can roam about creating mischief of the love variety, Close Encounters of the Love Kind. Even if you’re only doing it to office mates -- with the more terminally serious ones reaping the more outlandish benefits -- it’s all in the attitude. And if you don’t like where you’re at, change your latitude as well! And check out Evan’s stuff -- there is tons more on being a Bozo-Sattva than is dreamt of in this small webpage. Just be sure and come back to: http://www.halexandria.org/dward015.htm Caution!! Going onto the http://www.halexandria.org/home.htm causes a time warp in which hours can fly by,,,

How I treat others is an reflection of how I treat myself. I don't need to develop the skills to live life authentically because I already have it all inside of me now as my authentic self. The thing that holds me back is me attacking myself (which manifests as symptoms of low self worth, nervousness, anxiety, anger, sadness, regret, and unhelpful behaviour). If I become aware of an attack thought towards an outside source, there will be a corresponding attack inward on the same trait. Become aware of the quality of the trait being attacked and consciously make peace with it. Dislike of myself manifests in an obsession with external approval from others. The approval seeking self is the symptom, the attacking of myself is the root cause. Beware of blindly accepting the needy self expression - don't accept it as self, look to the deeper cause and work with that. (There is a notable shift in energy as a write this- my experience expanded, I became more present, I feel lighter, my breathing has slowed down, there is an increase in personal power, increase in contentment, less seeking, less avoidance, less turmoil- inner stillness and less emotion). I have tried to cease thoughts before but it never worked. This method seems to stop the thoughts much better so that I can enter Samadhi experience. I have just done a quick pranayama breath and opened myself upto the present moment. Deep peace, no emotion, no thought, just panoramic presence of sitting in this park on this warm spring afternoon with the sun gently warming my back. No shame, but still inhibited. Low self worth, fear, anxiety, emotional labour is not my true identity. When I say identity I mean my true nature. Fear and contraction is not my true nature. I wonder if states of bliss and peace heal and rejuvenate the body and mind? It feels as if I need a well earned break from my mind attacking me 24/7 The sadness came back. But this time I noticed that I am already present to this. That I don't need to create a watcher, that the watcher is always present and that any knowing of the watcher can only be the thought of the watcher in my mind. As thought recognizes the ever present watcher the feeling becomes more raw, more physical, more pronounced. I thought is not the watcher. I thought appears in front of the watcher and tries to identify as the watcher. But it can never identify as the watcher. The watcher is always free of what is seen. Forever free. What is the nature of the watcher? Thought is attending to investigate the nature of the ever present watcher. Ever present Untouched Still Permanent Vast Open Unlimited Unbound Unwavering Awake The light Unshakable Untouchable Unmanifest Free Absolute Reliable Consistent Unperturbed and unpreturbable Innocent Stillness itself (non conceptual stillness) Infinate depth There is a sense of peace and freedom and a shifting of the sadness as mind talks about the ever present watcher. Heart feels open, raw, sensitive, raw pain unprocessed. Body is mega relaxed but alert, sensisitive, like a big cat eyeing up it's prey. Alert but still. The watcher is manifest in the body now, permeating the body with nothingness. 3 more pranayama breaths and I'm at the end of today's journal - what I'm witnessing is indescribable.

@Matt8800 I'm also into the occult for the same reasons as you. I had very little success with meditation and self inquiry. Overall it was just too boring for me and nothing really was happening apart from some nice bliss moments. I have a really nice book on the occult: The sacred tradition of ancient egypt Could you (and everyone else) please share resources and your experiences using and practicing the resources? People on here tend to be very much into Buddhism and Zen and more traditional routes. These leaves people like us with a lack of resources and support. So lets build it up! My experience practising ancient Egypt has been very moving. I started practising ancient egypt rituals a year ago, the biggest impact it had on me was my creativity, I was able to tap into infinite intelligence(much like the one described in Leo's video) using the riturals practiced in Ancient Egypt. I've had deep deep visions of engineering and science creations, and completely different perspectives of laws of physics which are totally different to Newtonian and Quantum physics. Its given my a deep life purpose, one to build a highly conscious society that is deeply in touch with intuition and the essence of science(essence of science = exploration + observation).

For peace, True happiness and liberation you have to go beyond the world not merging with it. False God/Devil He owns this illusionary world and controls it. Making you consciuos of it fully and making you feel this ultimate bliss might be his Best trick.

Ego is false nature. It happens when you are not aware of your True nature. If you are, you wouldn't call your self God since there is no self to claim such thing. In reality there is nothing in unreality there is everything. You are Reality and self is in unreality claiming it's God/non sense. Monks and hermitts revert back into themselves and abandon unreality/phenomenal world. It's not about the bliss it's about Truth. Truth is really hard to swallow isn't it. ??️

Oh... Ok Void itself is True Self. This void "your entire life happened" it thinks it is a self a doer a thinker. All things that happened inside are unreal. All phenomena, all mystical states all bliss. It has no self nature it is Just there unmoving unchanging and it is not a self. It is nothing and all phenomena that appear inside it are nothing too without substance all illusionary. So no as self you can only be devil. I AM is ultimate delusion.

@Dodo Well, if you’re asking, it’s conceptual. That’s a thought, which just materialized. Trade creating thoughts, for creating the life you want. There are hundreds of millions of virgins. Just do the work, you’ll see them. You might not even think so small of females, with ample self exploration. You might find that bliss, is better than sex. The pleasures of sex are made of this. A reduction, a limitation for creation, of what you could be feeling all day everyday. Radical honesty is the Way. Let it all out, on paper. Good luck. Make sure you’re taking full advantage of all resources available to you in terms of well being.

@zeroISinfinity yeah i get that. as in your ego is making attachment to the bliss state. but at the same time arent we basically burning karmas at the highest rate when we r in that state of Bliss? so basically your talking about the masters layer? the nirvanic layer? ok so if nothing we perceive is real. do you just mean it isn't real in the sense that our egos try to make us believe it is real, so it can trick us into attaching meaning and reasons to chasing them? and therefore we shouldnt be making attachment to it. and through that conciosuness can expand infinitely throughout, and things aren't permanent or real in that sense?

Thank you @outlandish! Great info. The reason I even ask, is I'm am very experienced with Ayahuasca. I find it to be gentle and blissful. But I have a lot of fear around 5-Meo, to the point of I just can't surrender to it. Tried a couple of times. It's a full on panic attack. So thought maybe a good time to take 5-MeO is right after a Aya ceremony, so I'm going into it already in that blissed out space. So could be better equipped to surrender. I think I've decided to try it two days after my upcoming 3 day Aya ceremony. It'll be out of my system, so no worries of mixing anything. But I'll still be in a state of bliss, so might be a good space for doing 5-MeO.

Spiritual work is not for bliss chasers it is for wise and serious People.

@zeroISinfinity i guess i didn't really think it was eternal bliss. but i did kind of suggest it. i know your right. I guess its just easier and easier to reach those higher states of consciousness, the more enlightened we become. but overall isnt the state of an enlightened being generally quite blissful. or at least they can get themselves there alot quicker and overall live in a much more frequently blissed state? like the inner space is so vast and beautiful of an enlightened being, there is very little dwelling on the pain that does exist, cause its so tiny compared to the overall inner space of an enlightened being.

It's not bliss all the time but deep sense of liberation. It feels like that. Transcendance of everything.

probs right, cause who would post "they got enlightened" if they truly were enlightened. they would just be in a state of bliss, they wouldn't wanna drop their frequency with such low energy gloating

Anyone have personal experience of doing Ayahuasca and 5-MeO together, one after the other? Or have researched knowledge of effects of doing both medicines on the same night? I'm curious if they are complimentary to each other. Also if one would intensify the effects of the other? And if so, could the intensifying be bad, as in overdose or blackout with normal doses of both? I'm wondering how 5-MeO could alter a Ayahuasca experience. And if Ayahuasca could be a good Segway into doing 5-MeO? As I find Ayahuasca to be peaceful and 5-MeO to be frightening. Wondering if trying 5-Meo just after, or even during a Ayahuasca trip might be a good way to smoothly transition into a 5-MeO trip, coming from that peaceful bliss. Or again, would the two add upon each other to the point of it being too much? Also, for those that have done both, how do the two compare? I feel like I've 'gone there' with Ayahuasca , but not yet with 5-Meo, so don't necessarily have the experience to compare. *Direct experience responses please, not just opinions.

The funny thing is if you believe in free will, you are always on the right track because if free will was an illusion, you could only have this belief because you didn't choose to believe in free will. If you don't believe in free will and free will was real, then you are fu**ed up. Besides I don't really believe in free will but my ego is not ready to give it up. For some people it is better to believe in free will whatever the truth is. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. If you force yourself to believe in no-free-will, you will usually catch yourself acting as if you had free will to reach this state of mind. That's what I can tell from my experience.

ON SPIRAL DYNAMICS STAGE TEAL (written by me) (1) 100% Transcendence of the Mind -- including but not limited to transcendence of white-knuckle clinging to metaphysics and white-knuckle clinging to Truth Teal, unlike Turquoise and Coral, has completely (100%) transcended the Mind. Teal has reached Satori (or the Zen Mind). Teal is not white-knuckle clinging to metaphysics or to Truth. This means that Teal is not not clinging to metaphysics or to Truth either. Teal realizes that it's the Mind that clings to metaphysics and to Truth, and Teal has seen through the Mind completely. Teal allows the Mind but is no longer ignorant of the Mind making itself seem more important that it really is -- this includes but is not limited to the Mind making thought seem more important than it really is. Teal is able to live their life without being trapped inside the Mind-Matrix while also picking up the Mind when it's useful to do so and putting down the Mind when it's no longer useful. Teal knows how to do thought without thought doing them. (2) Focus on real relationships rather than abstract metaphysical love Because Teal has transcended the Mind, Teal is not clinging to any concept of metaphysical love. Teal values real relationships, however, and places their focus on nurturing real relationships that they care about. This doesn't mean that Teal is selfish though. Teal continues to express interpersonal compassion and contribution, but Teal is not clinging to any metaphysical love or abstraction about love being part of Truth or anything like that. That's all white-knuckle clinging by the Mind which Teal is well aware of. Teal is ok with not liking everybody. Teal is also ok with being interpersonally reactive when it's authentic and doesn't try to repress, suppress, or demonize Ego or Ego flare-ups. (See No. 6 below) Teal is very relationship-focused and uses relationships to do personal development work. (3) Authentic expression and authentic being -- full integration of the masculine and the feminine Teal realizes that both masculinity and femininity express itself in all persons. Teal watches their personas change and is mindful of their personas changing throughout the day. Teal can identify when they're in their masculine and when they're in their feminine. Teal is all about authentic expression, healing traumas, reducing shadow, recognizing personas, and following your goose-bumps (or following your bliss) whatever that might be because that's what your Ego-Mind needs to do to grow and to become more authentic (even if your Ego-Mind needs to go in a negative or destructive direction). Teal has integrated the masculine and the feminine completely (100%). (4) Drops down from the Mind Space into the Heart-Mind Space -- this doesn't mean you lose intellect, you just don't have any ignorance regarding the Mind anymore — this is another masculine feminine integration -- full integration of the Heart-Mind Because Teal has fully transcended the Mind, they no longer have ignorance regarding the Mind. This allows Teal to descend from the heights of the Mind down into the Heart and to integrate both into the Heart-Mind. Teal has integrated the Mind and the Heart completely (100%). (5) Drops down from the Mind Space into the Body-Mind Space — this is another masculine feminine integration -- full integration of the Body-Mind Because Teal has fully transcended the Mind, they no longer have ignorance regarding the Mind. This allows Teal to descend from the heights of the Mind down into the Body and to integrate both into the Body-Mind. Teal has integrated the Mind and the Body completely (100%). (6) Realizes the Ego-Mind has pros and cons -- and doesn't demonize, repress or deny the Ego-Mind in a black-and-white kind of way Teal doesn't white-knuckle cling to the idea that the Ego is bad or an illusion. Teal doesn't white knuckle cling to the idea that the Ego is not bad or an illusion. Teal doesn't try to repress, suppress, demonize, or dissociate from the Ego or the Mind. Teal realizes that the Ego-Mind has pros and cons, and Teal wants to maximize the pros of the Ego-Mind while minimizing the cons of the Ego-Mind. Because Teal is relationship and connection driven (real relationships and connections), they are not likely to be as selfish and solitary as Coral. Teal doesn't think they're God because they've transcended this kind of white-knuckle clinging to metaphysics and to Truth. Teal allows both the light side and the dark side of the personality.