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I agree. @DawnOfReality Values and beliefs can get entangled. Use mindful observation and allow yourself some time. I wrote down my list of values several months ago and, after having enlightenment experiences, it looks like something a small alien child wrote. I don't care about it at all. (Haven't done the LP course, so if he is offering a process that alleviates that problem, my apologies.)

God to me is not a person sitting in the cloud. God is everything, we are his organs and part of him as much as he is us. Most religious books have a good attempt at trying to explain what God could be, in the end these books are there to make us live in more harmony, peace and "make us feel that someone is watching". By rejecting or not believing in stories written (by and) in the language of men that there is someone watching over us all we are not completely lost, because together we derive meaning and a better world. God to me is love, for creation is the act of keeping something alive and in the end love is our ultimate goal and what makes us human stick together. It is love that makes us wander through maya and samsara, with a smile even though the world sometimes feel like an alien or wicked place. God is the now, he is present always everywhere and on your screen right now. God doesn't have any identity but manifests as all at once. I believe that becoming enlightened or finding peace within, reflects some devine qualities that are even seen without any intellectual reasoning. To become enlightened is to find peace, to be in love with the now and to radiate this in the fullest potential because no man can let this appearance slip from his sight. Love, peace, feelings, contentment for anything that arise.

@Ilya It's not easy. Also, every time I think I've arrived I realize that I am just at the beginning of this. I see now that this is a process that has to unfold or unravel -- pick your metaphor. I also see now that conditioning has basically fed the Ego into thinking of me as a self. I've always had a sense that there was something odd about me, and now I realize that in the back of my mind I always felt the nonduality tugging at me in subtle ways -- like in my 20's. Now I see why that was. We have convinced ourselves that we are selves! But it's all just beliefs overlaid on top of perception basically. I think you have to trip hard to really become aware of this fully. Be careful with psychedelics though folks. I don't think I would have ever gotten to this place had I not had that massive trip. The same Being I was there is the same Being I am here. And all I can do is be! What control is there to be had? I'm like watching myself do myself now. Now I see why this has to be done in steps. It would be too painful to go through Enlightenment all at once. Ya ever see the movie Alien? It feels like that. But I had a similar feeling back in March when I had my first big shift in the Ego unsettling process. It actually felt worse then. This one is more like a calm despair. That one was more like grieving a death. I just feel generally bad, not cheerful at all. But not depressed either. Just kinda moderately sick in some way. I think it's the loss of the illusion of control that is really hard to accept. And it's just weird to realize that what I thought was reality is basically just a movie -- just like when I had my trip. Same deal. I don't want anybody to hurt themselves with psychedelics, so be careful. But I have to say that that caused a big shift for me. You gotta really understand what Being is. Once you get that, that's when things start to happen fast. Once you see an error, you can't overlook it. Denial only works if an error is not fully seen or comprehended.

I don't understand your quibbling with my word-choice. It's a distinction without a difference to me. If you had two good legs, would you believe that shooting one of them off would help you walk better? This is what we do with morality. It's the Egoic Illusion trying to judge and control Nature. And it's a big cause of suffering. The Ego uses polarities like moral good and bad to give the illusion of control and the illusion of existence. Being just is. Imagine two alien (as in non-human) video-game characters that were programmed with a completely arbitrary sense of right and wrong. How would you regard that code of morality? Would you see it as applicable to your life in anyway? What if you experienced some trauma that caused you to start judging yourself based on that video-game moral code one day, and all your actions caused you to feel like a total piece of shit. Wouldn't that be unfortunate? Right and wrong does the same thing to us. The Ego doesn't exist -- but all those emotions are registered by Being. So, morality, right and wrong, and good and bad, are just Ego-Smog; and they kick up a lot of neurotic, often painful feelings -- aka suffering. Video on point to watch:

I've always considered myself a "seeker". I have read many self-help books, participated in lots of "spiritual" retreats, meditation groups etc. I've had countless conversations/debates on politics/philosophy/religion/science. I'm a professor and I'm "safe" in my head. I've had ups and downs, yet never have I felt like I was mentally unstable or insane. Until now. I'm wondering if some people might have had similar experiences here and how to cope with it. A year ago, I started using psychedelics in "my search". I've gone to the ego-death zone several times - each time there was anxiety/fear about letting go and surrendering. Last June in Peru, I did my first and only Ayahuasca retreat. The second ceremony had terrifying moments as my ego struggled to maintain control and steer the experience. My ego realized it would lose and it couldn't stop the experience. I almost went into a full-on panic. Time had no meaning and I thought it would be like this forever. There were also moments where the ego seemed absent. There were lessons about fear and insecurity. Other-wordly visions. The music was angelic. At times, my "self" seemed to float through and there was anxiety again. There were times I did not know what was real and I didn't know if I had gone insane and if I would ever return. There was a recurring thought like: "It's OK, in four hours the Aya will wear off and I'll be back and things will be normal again". It's like "I" was trying to run out the clock . Overall, there were some beautiful moments and lessons, yet I was really shaken up. I thought I could never do that again and I only drank a half cup of Aya at the 3rd and final ceremony. I have not used psychedelics in high doses since. Most of my trips have been light/moderate. There is awe, fascination and curiosity. The high dose trips have had anxiety regarding not being able to tell what is real, that I could lose control or if I had gone insane. I've always been able to talk myself down with "this isn't real, in a few hours everything will be back to normal". A month ago, I was watching Sam Harris videos on how Free-Will is an illusion. There was a moment outside my intellect where I "got it". My ego, my "self", doesn't have control *even when I'm normal and sober*. Something else does. I'm stone sober and the anxiety comes. I'm not in control and I don't know what will happen. I can't make this stop. It felt like the terror of the Aya ceremony. I didn't know what was real and if I had gone insane. Yet unlike the Aya ceremony, it will NEVER stop. There is no "return to normal". I will never be in control. There was actually the thought of "You could stop it by killing yourself". I don't know if that referred to killing the ego or my body. Yet, I felt insane and mentally unstable. Then, I got online and starting discussing free-will. I got back into my head to conceptualize. People told me things like "nothing has changed, you've lived your whole life this way fine". I started feeling better. A couple days ago, I watched Leo's video on Free-will. I liked the part about how life flows better when one recognizes free-will is an illusion. I thought "hey, this is actually a positive". Today my "I am the observer" concept crumbled. For 25 years, this has been a secure concept for me. I was unable to create a new concept and realized there was some type of reality I couldn't describe with words. I realized there is something about awareness, observation and reality in my immediate environment that I don't understand and can't understand. I leave my office and a colleague walks by me in the hallway. What is he? Is he some machine? An alien? Part of me? Can he sense what's going on inside of me? If it really is true that my concepts are not "the truth" he could be anything and anything could happen. I feel anxiety as I don't seem to have my normal framework of reality and control. I try to act "normal" and go to the bathroom for 5minutes to collect myself. Then, I thought it may help to write about it on this forum. I'm feeling more settled down as things are starting to feel "back to normal" again. Yet, I have a foreboding sense - since I know there is "not normal" out there. These are the only two sober panic/anxiety attacks I have had in my life. Both came on non-intellectual realizations that my "self" is an illusion and not in control. For 25 years, self-improvement and actualization has been fun and games. Yet, recently this shits got real and I've had two moments in the last month where I felt insane and terrified - *sober*. Can new levels of consciousness seem like insanity? It has felt somewhat like a psychedelic trip. Part of me is like, "Go with the flow, Let go and surrender. No need to fear finding your true self and what is real". Another part of me is like "DUDE, this is your life we are talking about. You do not want to end up in an insane asylum. Stop this shit". . . I do want to find truth and continue, yet right now it feels intense and I just want to slip back into "normal" and rest for a bit.

Nah homie, it's genuinely not ego at all. I'm in an amazing mood and I'd love for magic alien crystals to be real. I'M READY TO BELIEVE. Please prove this shit so I can dedicate my whole life to gatherings jew jew rocks, woo woo crystals, and other interdimensional trinkets. My body is ready.

"How to divine your fuel" LMAO, it's looks like a parody, but it's not. There are legit ways of extending fuel efficiency, but based on my 30 seconds of looking at the video it's some kind of crystal magical alien technology? Let me guess, it hasn't been tested by an independent group of completely impartial researchers, right? Right. Ok, go home with this wacky cartoon shit, you're drunk.

I found some interesting stuff on Aliens a few days ago. I like how it's integrated with enlightenment so I thought I would share here. This is about a man that channels an alien named Bashar. http://www.spherebeingalliance.com/ This is information from Bashar, and alien that was channeled through a human being and this is the advice he gave on existence...enlightenment etc. It seems to resonate with what Leo is teaching here on actualized.org http://iasos.com/metaphys/bashar/ The basic Blueprint of the Structure of Existence The 5 Basic Laws of Creation These 5 Basic Laws are true Everywhere/Everywhen in the universe - including ALL dimensions. 1 You exist. (I AM) 2 Everything is Here/Now. 3 The All is one, and the One is all. 4 What you put out is what you get back. 5 The only constant in the universe is change - except for the first 4 postulates, which never change. 1 You exist. (I AM) If you exist now, your existence is eternal: You have always existed and you always will exist. You may change form, but you are existing always . So.....relax.....you'll be around forever. 2 Everything is Here/Now. Time and Space are illusions. (But your experiences within Time/Space are "real".) There is only Here/Now. 3 The All is one, and the One is all. Just as each tiny section of a hologram contains the information for the entire hologram, likewise we are all inter-connected. Everything is truly just one totally-interconnected "thing". 4 What you put out is what you get back. The "outside" is a reflection of the "inside". Physical reality is actually a mirror: Your physical reality is just a holographic reflection of what you most strongly believe to be true. And like a mirror, physical reality will not change unless you change first (change what you most strongly believe). 5 The only constant in the universe is change - except for the first 4 postulates, which never change. So.....might as well get used to eternally-changing Creation. Enjoy the ride! Surf the changes! The Meaning of Life, and The Purpose of Existence Existence is Eternal - without beginning. Therefore Existence existed BEFORE the concept of "purpose" or "meaning" came into being. Therefore, Existence does not need to have any particular "purpose" or "meaning" to justify its existence. It simply is. In other words, the Infinite Creator set it all up as a blank slate (tabula rasa), so that YOU can superimpose absolutely ANY "meaning" or "purpose" that you wish. So, to be technically accurate, the universe is "meaningless". But this is a good thing! It is truly a blessing! The Infinite Creator has given YOU free will, so that you can now use your free will, to superimpose absolutely ANY "meaning" of life, or "purpose" of existence that you wish! (Side Note: see Neutral Props)

@Azrael It sounds like you're still "going places", which is more content within awareness. To me there is a difference between visiting other realities vs penetrating the essence underlying all realities. The trouble with psychedelics is precisely that they can alter the content of awareness so much that one gets distracted by the alien-ness of the new content, missing the Absolute. Next time you trip, I suggest really setting the intention to ignore all the content changes, focusing exclusively on the raw nature of the Absolute. That's probably hard to do on mushrooms, because they tend to be twisted. Interesting trip though.

Guys, feel free to ask any questions. I thought of some: - Did you get enlightened? Definitely no. My monkey-mind got extremely crazy up to a point that I was literally risking my life. I got so in such with my solar plexus chakra (which is responsible for "will-power") that I simply I understood the power I have within me. (Which is absolutely infinite). Do you understand this? It's fucking infinite! Think of quantic physics. It is like a mirror, spreading infinitely outward and inward. We are part of this vortex. If having this insight means "getting" enlightened, so, yes I got. But only AFTER psychedelics. But really, don't take this enlightenment has some woo-woo concept. Enlightenment is the fundamental basis of Reality. What really helped cut through the ego was the down-right exposure. It was so freakin' intense, dude! I confronted my biggest fear EVER. You wouldn't believe if I told you. Anyway... I suppose I had a rude awakening experience. And this Alert state varies throughout the day. It is really cool. Sometimes I think I lost it, but then... BAM! Here it is again. - How did your family react? It was so fucking hard. I was acting like a 5-year-old. I was SUPER rebel. And I was very rude also. I live with my sister, grandma, and sister. Dude, meditation is a woo-woo thing in Brazil, and they even made fun of me. It was really hard to put up with other people during that time. Not just my family, but, really, almost everybody. I dived so deep internally and I got so acquainted with how the mind works that at some point all that big fucking structure COLLAPSED. Haha. It is a daily challenge to keep my individuality as a spiritual seeker and don't get lost in the concrete jungle, if you know what I mean. Hihi. - What tips do you have? Well, my meditation sessions were kinda sloppy. Hehe. But it kinda felt good to just sit there and do nothing. Just think, think, fantasize. And really engage in all that mental masturbation. But at some point I saw how I was becoming highly unpresent when I was doing meditation. I don't know, it was as if I couldn't relax, you know? Well, I was really having a DEEP spiritual purging. > Be aware of Spiritual Purging They're real. If you do the do-nothing, your mind will come up with all sorts of fantasies. It is really crazy how it is possible to actually let go of all control. And just let the mind think the most HORRIFIC things. This includes having sex with an alien, the taste of shit, and ways to kill yourself. I am being serious here. This is not funny. It can be terrifying, if you have a weak mind. So... > Strengthen your Mind You probably have a very sloppy mind. You are always in your comfort zone. Well, that's how the mind is designed. Haha, crazy, huh? We do not need our survival instincts on, so really 99% of your fears simply do not make any logical sense. It is absurd. Utter Absurd. That's what the mind is an Utter Absurd. Haha > Be more Playful Dude, you can get enlightened today, but really why do you look so hard? (I am telling this to myself). Even if I allegedly get this final A-ha, this total samadhi. So what? I will be dead very soon, and what I will take away from this life are moments of true sincerity and sharing. "Repeat after me: Life is a shit if you take it seriously. Fuck positivity. Fuck other people. Fuck society. Amem." Praise the Lord!!! Oh Hallelujah! Let's go Gospel! Hahahaha Cheers from São Paulo <o>

I found two great songs by a little-known musician named Stuart Davis. One of them is featured in the Audiobook Kosmic Consciousness with Ken Wilber, which I will put a review of later. Ladder The first song is called "Ladder." It's a lovely song about our personal and species-wide evolution and the natural clash with psychological entropy. That is, as we grow more complex as individuals and as a species, we also have more stuff that can topple us. I've got brains like antique floors I built each one on the one before I use all three but they don't agree One of them wants to love you Another one would love to club you I guess my old natures move like glaciers Chorus: The fish became a lizard The shrew became an ape Will the ape become an angel? The higher that we climb The more the ladder sways I'm the bastard child the one who got the head of Einstein and the soul of Pol Pot there's no compassion but I can split the atom Better give me a microscope for a different eye Better give me a telescope for the inward sky and a ladder leading up from Eden Chorus If Ramana Maharshi came from clay there's more to evolution than a little DNA Cut off the moorings to the inward ark Aiming it into a question mark The fish became a lizard The shrew became an ape will the ape become a Mother Teresa? She came from clay There's more to evolution than a little DNA Personal Commentary: Ladder bases itself off of the integral idea of Holarchy. Holarchies are made out of Holons. A holon refers to the something being both a whole and a part with no actual distinction between itself and other whole/parts other than arbitrary measures. Each holon is a system (or phenomenon) that is an evolving self-organizing dissipative structure, composed of other holons, whose structures exist at a balance point between chaos and order. Higher level holons are always at a more precarious position than lower level holons. This goes for physical objects, ecological systems, psychological stages, social organizations, and even spiritual development. With reference to holarchical human development, Alan Watts serves to help us see the issue: "how is man to be best related to his environment? Especially in circumstances where we are in possession of an extremely powerful technology and have, therefore, the capacity to change our environment far more than anyone else has ever been able to do so. Are we going to end up not by civilizing the world, but by Los-Angelizing it? In other words, are we going to foul our own nest as a result of technology? But all this gets down to—the basic question is, really, what are you going to do if you’re god? If, in other words, you find yourself in charge of the world, through technological powers, and instead of leaving evolution to what we used to call, in the 19th century, the blind processes of nature—that was begging the question, to call them blind—but at any rate, we say, we’re not going to leave evolution to the blind forces of nature but now we’re going to direct it ourselves. Because we are increasingly developing, say, control over genetic systems, control over the nervous system, control over all kinds of systems; uh then, simply, what do you want to do with it?" This song responds to Watts inquiry by pointing out that Perhaps there is a universal Telos. That there is a point to all of this and the despite the hemming and hawing and guffawing that we know as human violence and suffering, it works out in the end such that we become the gods that oversee us. We made a universe that is perfect for ourselves, despite seeming otherwise. Creating Heaven is Heaven. Watts echoes this sentiment at the end of his own lecture. What is your idea of heaven? What would you really like to have happen, if you could make it happen? That’s the first thing that really starts people thinking because you soon realize that a lot of the things you think you would want are not things you want at all. Supposing, just for the sake of illustration, that you had the power to dream every night any dream you wanted to dream. And you could, of course, arrange for one night of dreams to be seventy-five years of objective time, or any number of years of subjective time, what would you do? Well, of course, you’d start out by fulfilling every wish. You would have routs and orgies and uh uh all the most magnificent food and uh sexual partners and everything you could possibly imagine in that direction. When you got tired of that, after several nights, you’d switch a bit, and find yourself involved in adventures, and uh contemplating great works of art, fantastic mathematical conceptions; you would soon be rescuing princesses from dragons, and all sorts of things like that. And then one night you’d say, now look, Tonight what we’re gonna do is, we’re going to forget this dream is a dream. And we’re going to be really uh shocked, and when you woke up from that one you’d say, ‘Oooh, wasn’t that an adventure!’ ----- Nothing In Between The second song is called Nothing in Between. It is a wonderful tome about Nothingness, aka God. There is nothing in between us when we sleep Every night the bliss begins to leak Nothing in between us when we laugh it’s something that our head will never grasp It’s seen in between There’s nothing in between your joy and mine It’s all a lot of nectar on the vine Joy is how my parents were entwined and there’s nothing in between their lives and mine We’ve seen There’s nowhere to hide in the open Reality Love is so wide, there isn’t a boundary There is only one eye without any enemy when you’ve seen in between There’s nothing in between our skin and light Nothing in between the wind and kite Nothing in between our lips and grace Nothing in between the tongue and taste It’s seen (Refrain) There is nothing in between you and I Nothing in between blue and sky Nothing in between us and love Nothing in between wings and doves (Refrain) There is nothing in between Personal Commentary: This song struck me as a great way of pointing to non-distinction. This morning as I meditated using Headspace, I was instructed to feel that the center of creativity deep in my heart. I was then asked to extend my awareness of that center past my chest and to my whole skin. From there I was asked to expand this awareness to the walls around me. From there I extended it to my whole apartment complex... The City of LA... Earth... The Solar System... The Galaxy... The Virgo Cluster... The Laniakea SuperCluster... The whole Observable Universe that seems to form a universal Brain/mind complex... Then I pushed further - I asked what would be beyond that -- where is that universal brain? And I kept pushing outwards to see the next order of fractalization... and what came up was me! That is, I saw that cosmic brain complex residing in my own head or another version of me or maybe an alien or maybe some computer who itself resides in some version of the city of LA which is itself on some version of earth... And so on for all of eternity outwards. And so on for all of eternity inwards as well! Which is to say, I can't describe it as One because it has no end or beginning to its outwardness and inwardness. And to call something one, it must reach an outward and inward end. I could call it zero because it has no ground, but it's clearly here and now. " _____?!?!NOTHING?!?!______ " is all I that can be said about it. There's me = you = everything, which breaks down into ____!?nothing?!?!____ upon further investigation. There's ___!?!nothing?!?____ between physical material and conscious object. There's ___!?!nothing?!?_____ between past and future. It all happens Now - the only place that remains Absolutely unchanged EXCEPT that its also Absolutely Relative as proven by Einstein. There's ___!?!nothing!?___ between me and you. There's just ____!?!nothing??!___ between anything. There is no distinction. There no such thing as a thing-without-some-other-thing which means that there is No thing-other-than-the-whole-thing which means I cannot point to any-one-thing as-itself in-and-of-itself other than ___!?!nothing?!?____ . This is the Holarchical perspective. ---- Putting the ideas of both songs together we can intuit a holarchical ladder with nothing in between. We see an universe of other universes with no part distinct from other parts as it builds itself and destroys itself at the same time - Now - in a fashion that is relative to the timeline of each observer. This universe would: know all from a wide perspective and it would know all from a limited perspective - the one "we" see out of in our everyday understanding. Indeed, in knowing all it would know what it is like to not-know it all. It is from each one of these limited perspectives that the wide perspective gets generated. The manifestation of such wide perspective gives universal purpose. It would be a wild adventure.

Hi there fellow actualizers. I am writing this message because I am two selves going in opposite directions. And it seems that this is what the self-actualization path is all about. Today the void has been calling me strongly. It wants me to go yet it wants me to fill it. (also known as resistance) WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT VOID???? HUH? There comes a time in a man's life when nothing fills it anymore. All the drugs and pussy and love and justice and entertainment and alcohol and happiness and whatever else you can come up with will not fill it. It just gets bigger and bigger the more you try. You have this insane rush gathering and gathering. The urge to go for a quick hit of dopamine, serotonin and all those chemical cocktails we have become addicted to from birth because we have been conned into a game of survival when the truth is that life is just another phase of death and vice versa. Is this what it feels like to be a woman? You drink and smoke and eat and fuck and pump it up and burn it and freeze it and dive in with the sharks and lions and volcanoes and at some moments you get an immense relief. Shelter from the storm, as Bob Dylan called it. You are broken and freezing and dirty and full of hate and lies and you've raped and murdered and bombed children and whipped yourself with a razor belt and you've hijacked planes and driven them into skyscrapers. The void. You want to allow it and let it go and forgive and surrender to all this madness and all the voices and you are lost and hopeless and you smile and start to laugh hysterically. Just let go. Release. All of it. The pain. The joy. The "trying to figure out" why they did it and why she has to die and comforting others with some bullshit buddhist advice that you don't even believe in yourself. You never wanna miss an opportunity of stepping up as the wise one. No sir! Those answers are never found. Just brutal suffering. You used to think that this is what makes everything beautiful. The kinder you are born, the more intense the suffering. It takes a lifetime of failure and seeing the illusions life has to offer to learn to suffer with kindness, that is the ultimate gift. You walk around this palace of lies. Orgies everywhere. Your friends and family just want to relax from work. Buy some new clothes and dream of a better life but their smiles have faded and this makes you sad because you are just starting to get this shit and really coming alive. So what the fuck does that imply? That as you ascend to the Gods, all the people you love will drown in hell, waiting for you to rescue them but no longer convinced that anything is possible?? What the fuck kind of cruel twisted lullaby is that? You walk around the cities and parks of the world. Stare at birds and flowers and old ladies with their monk-like dumbness and you want to just tell them to keep on living in their bubble because.... i forget what i wanted to say. Am i an alien? Is that it? Can we really be the same species with all these hum-ants? I never wanted this fucking awareness shit. I wanna be a happy slave. Willingly bend over and take it up the ass like a good little school girl. So yeah. Hi. Life is getting better, it is. Figuring out what my values are. But I'm an addict and you know what they say, never trust an addict. It's like I really wanna be depressed but my newfound wisdom just says "thoughts and feelings" that's all there is. Depression is another dumb idea for losers who want to just stay where they are in life. It's a clever disguise. Being depressed implies that your are somebody that is something. We all know that there's no substance to anything at all. Just a dynamic movement of random reactions and things hunting other things to stay alive. Lights and sounds, all around. You try to meditate outside but all of the machines and insects start to sound like symphonies. What a fucking distraction. It's hard to find some proper silence these days. The more closer you get, it's like some prick is turning up the volume of the "hum" or "om". You're way past going to see someone for this. You will traumatize those bastards. You can go in anytime. Into It !! Different paths and approaches: kindness, calm, humor, yoga of the moment... you can dance like a madman and feel the void in its entirety. Right here right now anytime any place. I don't give a fuck if its the presidents funeral. When the void calls, you better be ready boy. That's the real challenge and I KNOW it's waiting for me. I'm procrastinating. Money, sex, travel, happiness, business, art, writing, reading... I was gonna add Leo's course to that list but actually that's one of the few things that seem to really be taking me towards the void. And it's scary. It's hard work. All these value assessments and shit. God damn it. I just thought i wanted money and pussy. Not "love" and "truth" and "beauty". But i knew what this was about when signed up for this shit. I enlisted in the greatest army there is. They love young handsome soldiers like me. Leo recruits them young. What the hell man. Can i throw up the red pill and pretend we never met? (puts finger down throat) Hahahahahahaaaaaa (vomit of laughter) "Best joke i've heard all year." That's like asking to be unborn. To press rewind and go back to .... The void. It's inescapable. Waiting for you to shut all this bullshit off. The darkness. The silence. The light. It's waiting for you. Legs spread wide open. Rock hard. The king of all pleasure and pain and sorrow. There's a bloody hell of a revolution to crawl through to even get out of the prison. You fight the war and kill all your enemies and then find your people dead and see the enemy boss in the mirror. Takes another sip of some shitty disgusting beer. Ugh. Even jerked off twice today. I want more. MORE MORE MORE MORE. And the headache. Aaa. God let me just fucking be. I dont want to face anything. I want to keep on running away from reality and intoxicating myself and staying here with all these good hearted people who keep me down. You must continue. Stay strong brother. You have come this far. JUST. KEEP. GOING. I wish i still knew how to cry hard.

Machine Elves are a Terence McKenna thing. As much as I love the guy (see my signature), I never read much into his ramblings (for lack of a better word) about machine elves. Here is a YouTube video of McKenna explaining his "Self-Transforming Machine Elves" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH4UdX2D5sY I have read The Teachings of Don Juan and just grabbed his second book A Separate Reality over the weekend! Found it at my local flea market from a lady named "Willow" who sells all kinds of cool metaphysical stuff lol. Thanks Willow! I also wanted to comment that during my first DMT experience, I found myself sitting at the feet of a giant African warrior (as best as I can describe) tall and skinny wearing an ovalish (almost alien head-shaped) mask with iridescent tribal designs covering it. The giant placed his hands on his knees and squatted down and leaned in as if to get a better look at me. As he brought his masked face closer to mine, I saw other little tribal warriors hiding behind the designs in the mask, popping their heads up to show themselves and for them to get a better look at me. I felt like they were his children. Must've been "take your child to work day" in dimension-transcending African warrior spirit guide land! What a concept! I must say that these visions might have been influenced by the music I was listening to during this experience, which was Shpongle, who have a world music mixed with psytrance sound. Every song is a masterpiece, but I digress. I love the concept of your chamber of solitude! it's great to have a dedicated space for tripping and/or meditation (which are synonymous to me nowadays) I took 52.8 FRESH grams (equivalent to 5.28 dried grams) on Saturday and let go so much that I couldn't control my bladder. It was so "bothersome" (more like demanding of my attention) That I wished I knew how to put a catheter in myself lol. I laid in my bed for the majority of my experience with a bucket next to my bed and got naked and would just sit up and let my body rid itself of the toxins through my urine ( my urine was cloudy and yellow) I would sit up every ten-fifteen min a pee just a little bit, over and over and over again. After this experience I decided to give serious attention to learning how to make tincture, as I believe the mushroom tissue was giving me these negative side effects, and not the psilocybin/psilocin itself. Anyway, without turning this into a trip report, I just wanted to put my speculative two cents in that I've seen entities on mushrooms and DMT and that alone is enough for me to be open to the idea that they are "real" (define that word as you will) I love you guys

@Principium Nexus be careful to share this video with us. I researched a little bit about this Nazca alien. it seems to be fake. Lately some hobby scientists make dokus about alien stuff in peru . There was found an alien hand some month before from this pseudo science group (this was fake, it were just human bones ordered new so that it looks like an alien hand). This is not real science, they just want to make some money with this fake alien (for updates in this project you need to pay...).

we might all be wearing the same ''clothing'' that is being a human being, which subjects us all to certain possibilities and limits but we're all much much further from each other then we think. the illusion of ''race'' disappears and the exploration of consciousness is unique to each and everyone. my life now is practically alien if I were to compare it to when I was a 'human surviving in a world' and yet I still harmoniously fit into the play that is human society. so as far as I'm concerned, I don't have a single clue,not an ounce of understanding of how other people live and experiences their lives. this post is a nice observation. we're really not that alike,yet we are, but we're really all unique in our exploration. It's easier to nice on obvious outliers like people who enlighten ''instantly'' but soon you will see it everywhere. somehow we can relate to each other but at the same we do not have a damn clue what's happening beyond our personal life. that is pavement for the awe of life to come in, the awe is the intense realization that you really really don't know what's going on, you're just in awe from the miracle of it all, it's just so beyond and immense. What's more, what does ''instantly'' mean? we know that Eckhart Tolle suffered immensely before he enlightened. Do we know how long he suffered? the entire night before it? that doesn't really mean anything. from experience I know that when it comes to enlightenment time is completely warped and bended sideways like magic. and for someone to enlighten overnight, that is very intense, enlightenment is insanely intense just doing it gradually overnight?? for all you know he might've suffered an entire month or an entire year psychologically in one single night. Eckhart that wasn't really familiar with enlightenment before that might've not even realized that time being warped this way was possible so he might've not been conscious that his happened. He said he suffered a lot right before he enlightened, but what does that mean exactly? it doesn't tell us anything really, that's my personal opinion words cannot convey such an experience

I meditated for 4 hours a day for 4 weeks. The first thing i did was lay on my bed and painstakingly neutralized all my thoughts which i accomplished 2 weeks in or so. Then i began thinking again and flexed all my muscles and joints each time i meditated. I gave that another week. The final week i began to desire to be given the gift of contact with an alien or form of energy. At about the third or fourth hour of the last day i went into a heavy wonderful trance. The trance lasted for 15 minutes or so and i felt i was out of my body incredibly fast as i saw muliticlusters of quadrillions of galaxies flash by me. I ran into the unmovable and invisible wall of this universe and seemed to bounce off of it and went to the other side and bounced of of that in a different angle. Then bounced of another wall and returned to my body. Then the trance was over and i felt terribly horrified. I felt the presence of a being that boggled my mind. I had enough courage to jump off my bed and open the door. Outside in my back yard in a dark Alaskan winter i looked up into the night's sky and saw the stars above me not knowing why i was looking up almost like i had forgotten I'd been meditating on contacting a being from deep space. I noticed a small light seconds later coming down through the atmosphere. It was very very fast at first but it was strange because it appeared small but since it was so far away at first (and it was a blue orb of light the size of a basketball when i saw it hovering outside the door window, making the snowy trees behind it glow) it must have changed its size as it came down! As soon as i saw it in the window i completely lost my fear and was in a mesmerizing and utterly peaceful awe. I ran upstairs and told my dad about what i saw but he didn't believe me. Ugh.. so i ran back downstairs and was super happy it was still there. This time i opened the door and reached out my hand but i suddenly hesitated and withdrew my hand and closed the door. My theory is that all objects in existence aquire data/knowledge as they travel through space. Since i traveled outside my body several times, the paths i took in trails gave me insight about the nature of things. No object can collect all of the information and is blessed in the eternal quest for learning. Had 15 years of psychic abilities from the age of 15 until the age of 30. I prayed/ willed my abilities away to keep me safe from insanity because i experienced too much truths and it felt too much of a task for my body to endure. 90 percent of the abilities led me to astonishment and joy but i felt like i wasn't designed for too much of that world while being in my body and i learned to be happy about learning of those things and felt satisfied completely to wait for death to continue my journey. Another of my many theories is when the mass of all things is spread out to the point of an inner shell of the circle of the edge of this universe the force of gravity in the center will be like that of the largest black hole that's ever been and the remaining matter is drained into another zone. I thank the drug ketamine in a gas form for giving me a near death experience which led to my awesome experiences at the age of 15 for a doctor and an anesthesiologist to break my arm bones back into place due to a wrestling accident in practice at my high school. Whatever the trigger and how ever you attain enlightenment is up to the individual like all spiritual physics.

Curious. I mean, as soon as we start using language we are being dualists. Why is that? How do we see ourselves outside the matrix without dualistic thought rowing the boat, as it were. It's like trying to cash a check with a slice of salami, it's a non-sequitur. How can the monkey see outside the monkey all the while having the mind of a monkey? Do you see the problem here? Should we wear duality like clothing, whatever suits the weather is fine? I understand that my body is not my clothing, so no problem there. Couldn't we do the same thing with duality. Like a lot of self-aware, utilitarian monkeys dynamically balancing -- excellently I might add -- the primate infestation we call home-sweet-home. Would an alien species see us as scurrying potato bugs residing under the dried bark ramparts of a fallen tree? Or would that alien species see us as the majesty of God, or the Absolute? How would this change how we view ourselves -- considering this higher-order alien perspective on us? We're not used to contemplating like this. Maybe we should start to reverse that low-consciousness denial. How far can the monkey go to transcend his limited perspective, if at all? And how do we know that we aren't rationalizing things that are totally made up and don't exist in reality. Like a potato bug thinking it is the king of the world, until its life is destroyed one random day when an ornery kid rips that dried bark roof-top off his world and crushes his entire civilization in one brutish, seemingly irrational, low-consciousness act. --Are we the potato bug, the Hero, or God, or all and neither? --How does this contemplation exercise change how we view the potato bug and its infestation of a life? If any. --What is the true difference between infestation and civilization? How would an alien species answer this if they got a glimpse of "Earth" and "life on Earth"? NOTE: All of this language is dualistic too and came out of the mind of a monkey, me.

Hey Journal! Today is great! Though I have been watching my breath as much as I can this weekend was rough.... I went to two parties that lasted forever!!! I mean I love being around people but I have a point where my brain just breaks and I can't enjoy socializing anymore. I feel so fried today... I didnt write last week because I decided to go and put up a picket fence in my yard that I plan to turn into a raised garden bed king of thing... It will be cool I will post a pic. But anyways I did that and ended up with a blister from hell on my right hand. For 3 days typing was the devil lol its good now though! To be perfectly honest though I lost my breath since I hurt my hand, I mean I didnt completely stop. But I was living in an entirely unconscious way during those days. It was just a rough time I guess. I need to step it up. I have been trying to figure out my identity my whole life. Its kind of what has driven me to learn all of this random meditation/science stuff. I feel alien among people most of the time. Its like when in conversation I feel so limited by my physical capabilities. I feel like I am running windows 10 on a computer built in 1985 and its just glitching out constantly with the program sending too many inquiries and the hardware cant handle the load. I just need to reset and regroup.

Post how you plan to execute it here. I did one for a week and it was very hard. I only went solo due to financial constraints. I also wish I had just kept inquiring instead of writing down my insights. You may find yourself become hyper-creative, so it will be tempting to put that to work before you forget, but if Truth is your aim, just put all the focus in the inquiry and leave all the concepts and labels behind. I was way too caught up with trying to map the process. Deep consciousness work is like exploring something so alien that your maps and attempts at explaining will only get in the way. Focus on the direct consciousness and allow yourself to be able to explain it later if you have to, not during your inquiry.

You have to see that every realm of reality like our normal "waking state", "dreaming state", "sleeping state" comes with certain dynamics that shape what can exist in these realms. It's like every of these realms is like a frame through which certain pictures are possible because of the nature of the frame. Now, realize that your normal waking state is just one of these frames. It can see, hear, feel, touch etc. and that's it. There could be an infinite collection infinitely combined of these way's to perceive that would shape infinite worlds out of nothingness that would include literally everything you can ever think of. The vampire sits right in front of you right now. You just don't have the frame to see it. And if you had, it could be as real as a tree. Contemplate that. I'd strongly suggest that you don't have a body that can die. If you realize that and go through that experience a couple of times with psychedelics (you'll be totally shocked if you do) you'll see that merely your current frame ends. Your perceptions will go away and you'll begin to realize who you really are. Because something will still remain because it was never birthed in life nor will it ever die out of life. What happens then? I don't know. Probably a lot of different stuff for a lot of different individual frames that come to an end. Maybe these frames are connected and undergo development. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they just die of and nothing happens, until another one comes on. Maybe. You'll see. But whatever happens will be fine because you cannot die. Because you are God. G - o motherfuckin' d. You'll live your life how you're supposed to live it. It's different for every one. Don't worry, you'll find your way. But as soon as you try to mark out an general case for every one, you'll fail. That one doesn't exist. Because if it did, all the subjective ones couldn't exist - although they do. Dude, if you don't wanna do it, don't. There's no problem. Nobody's pointing fingers here and laughing. But don't expect to ever know what it feels like to be in space when you don't actually want to fly in space with a rocket. Is it scary? Of course it is. It's outer space. Will you ever be able to get even a glimpse of it when you don't go. No. Simply no. Because to experience absolute infinity you have to go through a membrane that we call death. Now in front of this membrane (personally for you) there are all kinds of fears, daemons, stories, all the good stuff. And all of them will rush your way if you are on the way to cross the membrane. And they'll try to hold you down. And only the one who goes through that will be able to pass the membrane and experience absolute infinity. For one it might be easier, for another one it will never be achievable by "conscious will". The point is, to even get there you need the power of something as strong as 5-MeO-DMT. And even then it's not an easy ride. You can meditate for the next 40 years (which is great and you should do that because it helps on so many levels). But even then I seriously doubt that you get a glimpse of this experience because it's so different. It's so alien. There is no tool in your intellectual tool box to make sense of it. Maybe you do, there certainly are people who did it that way. It's your choice.

@Shrek_Of_Justice You've got that right! It's like living in a bubble of thought. I remember the my first 'escape' from the bubble of thought and concept. I sat there for hours silently observing people running around, going from one place to another. Doing their scheduled chores right on schedule. I gotta do this. I gotta do that. I gotta be here now. I gotta be there after. On and on and on. And they're all running over each other just to keep their schedule on schedule. It looked like absolute insanity from where I was standing. It was so alien because I couldn't relate to anything that was happening at that moment. Like I was in a totally different country with a totally different culture, and I totally didn't fit in. haha That's why I say you don't see it happening until you actually step out of it and view it from the outside. I remember thinking 'Holy shit, that's me too!. I've been literally sleep walking through life.

@Anton Rogachevski Well sure, "experience" is just a label we attach to everything you're sensing. Don't overthink it. Experience simply means: the 5 senses plus thought. In other words, EVERYTHING you've ever encountered from the moment you were born till today. But then there's consciousness beyond that. It can't really be imagined because imagination is related to sense experience. Try not to think of it as anything. Not some alien landscape or anything. Consciousness may just be Nothing

@Ilya I'm literally doing the exact same thing before my college semester starts. At my dorm I'm doing a home made retreat. I have a small meditation journal, try to go big with your time and really try to live the simple spartan life. Little phone, no computer, no messaging. Eat lots of fruit and veggies. I'm four days in so far, eating a consistent diet of baby carrots and blueberries for breakfast, Leo's soup for lunch, and brócoli pasta for dinner. My meditation ranges from 4-7 hours. Here is the key: you know yourself best, don't be afraid to experiment and make your own forms of meditations that work best for you. If you are trying to become enlightened, try to not get too caught up in the answers your learned online and try to stay in a state of "not-knowing" which is always the state your in before your greatest insights. Don't be afraid to act a little insane when your alone, laugh out loud, cry, pray, face your fears, do what gets you in that state of uncertainty. I'll post a few photos of my notes as an example of my current progress. 分 = minutes 时 = hour 总数 = total (time) 心得 = insights Basically from the photos, you'll see a theme. I'll write in dark ink the practice and for how long AFTER I do it, not before. Then I'll write little important quick insights from that practice, then I write my whole "how my day went" at the end of the day, and also clarify the insights in more detail that I wrote earlier. The first day was figuring out how to get started with my momentum, was mostly contemplation. The second day was pure ego backlash and surrendering to reality (doing the dirty painful work), the third day was focusing on concentration and labeling, getting in touch with my senses, the forth day so far had been mostly contemplation and self inquiry. Some strange ones you might see are experimental: 1. Praying in tongue: my father is a passionate Christian, I wanted to try his prayer technique for the pursuit of attaining enlightenment. Basically how you do it is let your auditory thoughts talk, like a stream of speaking, it might sound very alien. it isn't limited to the speed, vowels, pitch, or volume. Mine tends to turn into a type of singing and eventually screaming, I literally feel like a dragon shooting a beam of light and words out of my mouth. Totally shocked me how powerful it was when done in the mind. Basically it feels like my intuition, my true self is helping me put me in a state where I can see an obvious shift in physical reality and question it , leading to self inquiry. This is not to be underestimated 2. Contemplate blessings: basically you contemplate how awesome and lucky your life is, how proud of you you are, etc. So far this has worked and put me in a state of mind for the rest of the day in my retreat. 3. Cold shower SDS (strong determination sitting): a more intense and quick version of normal SDS. Pretty powerful, but also very painful. Gives you a clear mind and peaceful mind at the end. Only do in short bursts! One more thing, sometimes if I don't know what to do next, I'll set the timer for an hour, organically let my mind figure out what it wants to do, then note down what it turns out to be. So the end result might become labeling, self inquiry, SDS, or praying in tongues, etc. Basically, really make the day formal and spartan like, super mindful, and experiment what works best for you. We would love to hear how it works for you at the end of your home made retreat

(I'm practicing my story telling. Here's a short story I wrote up.) Everyone knows Superman has the stupidest disguise ever. Why doesn’t everyone recognize him considering all he wears are a pair of glasses? The secret is that Superman actually uses a hypnosis-beam on everyone around him. This beam bounces through Superman’s glasses and gives everyone Prosopagnosia, or face blindness, such that they literally do not see him for who he is. Considering how He's destroyed a solar system with a sneeze, shattered reality itself with a punch, and even escaped a blackhole, Superman finds it tough to find entertainment at times. I mean, the best games require challenge, and so does the game of life. More and more, Superman wonders what it would be like to be truly human until one day, his curiosity over takes him. Superman looks at himself in the mirror and uses the hypo beam on himself. Zap! Superman stopped being superman and only Clark Kent remained. Clark has hidden memories of what it was like to be Superman, but since he’s can’t recognize himself his identity, all he knows is that he feels some type of indescribable incompleteness. Try as he might, nothing fills up this incompleteness. Fantasizing about to Lois Lane doesn’t Help. Working up the Career ladder at the Daily Planet doesn’t help. Alcohol doesn’t help. Nothing lets Clark feel infinite again. People begin to look at Clark weird (Remember, everyone around him now sees Superman Moping about, walking instead of flying, acting as if he can’t do anything to help himself, and stuck inside his own mind). Now that he's become human, Clark feels more Alien than ever. Clark gets depressive and begins to zone out. Lois is skeptical - Why has her Superman started acting this way? She pulls Clark to the side on day at the office. “I don’t know what kind of shenanigans you’re trying to pull off, but it’s weird. You’re not acting like yourself. I don’t like it.You don't like it. No one likes it. Maybe you should go see the MetaHuman Doctor.” When Clark tells the MetaHuman Doctor about his feelings of physical incompleteness, anxiety over small problems, and inability to look people in the eye confidently, the doctor simply laughs. “Is this some kind of joke?” Clark gets visibly upset when he sees the Doctor's’ incredulity. At that moment, the Doctor realizes that Superman is being dead serious. He’s actually convinced himself that he’s Clark. That is, he’s not going to be able to tap into his superhuman abilities to help others until he snaps out of this delusion. Worse, a deluded superman is capable of killing the world in order to try to recreate the feeling of being superman. The joke is suddenly not funny. The Doctor smiles and tells Clark pain medication is unnecessary, as it would only be treating the symptoms and not the root cause. Clark tells the doctor that this makes no sense - "What is a sickness if not the symptoms? Perhaps, You mean that my problems are chemical instead of psychological." No, The Doctor tells Clark. That’s not the issue. In fact, the Doctor continues, there's weirder news: the symptoms aren’t even symptoms of anything, really – he’s acting like a normal person. The truth is that there’s nothing to fix in the first place. Clark just has to pay attention to who or what he actually is to realize that he’s been infinitely strong this whole time. Clark doesn’t get it. In fact, he gets mad at the suggestion that there’s nothing to fix – clearly there’s something to fix or else he would have never gone to the doctor! The doctor grabs Clark by the shoulders, looks him dead in the eye and tells him the truth: Clark, there's nothing to fix because You already transcend what it means to be human. You are a god. You are immortal. You always have been and always will be. You’re getting upset over nothing other than your own stories for what you think you are. If you remember who you are, where you came from, and what you did to get to this point, your problems as Clark Kent will become a mere joke to you. The world needs you to remember who you are - an immortal being - so that you can go back to helping others and stop focusing so much on completing Clark Kent. “You think I’m a god?” Clark looks at the Doctor like the Doctor is the one who’s insane “I thought you were supposed to be a man of science.” The doctor sighed. There’s nothing you can say to someone who’s not willing to listen. “Apparently, they’ll let complete nuts run clinics these days,” Clark says as he walks out, slamming the door behind him. He chooses not to notice that the door turned into pure sawdust from his strength. "Telling me that there's no problem when I stand here in torture is simply more torture." Clark leaves the building and presses a button to cross the street. A kid stands next to him, playing with a bouncy ball. Clark continues to curse under his breathe. “Why doesn’t anyone help me? First Lois tells me I’m not acting myself and then the Doctor tell me nothing’s wrong. I’m just Clark Kent – I’m not some superhero. What did I do to deserve this bullshit?” At that moment the kid’s bouncy ball hits off Clarks shoe and into the traffic. The kid runs out to chase the ball, not thinking whatsoever. Clark’s eyes open as he watches things unfold in slow motion. No one else can help - it's not his kid but it is his responsibility. He runs out. BAM! A huge bus hits Clark just as he manages to reach the child. He saw It for one second. His entire life flashes before his eyes. He sees the Truth – the whole universe in front of him – what he actually is. Then he wakes up, unscathed. And he gets it. Not matter what’s happened, he’s always been alive. The same way the sun always rises and the birds always fly, he’s had to be alive to see it happen. There’s never been a time he’s aware of where he’s not been alive. There’s no reason to be anxious, there’s no reason to think he’s weak, there’s no reason to remain unconfident – that’s all part of a character named Clark. In truth, he’s Superman. It never mattered what the Doctor told Clark. It wasn’t until Clark got by a bus that it all made sense. The doctor could have shouted YOU ARE IMMORTAL into Clarks face one thousand times but none of that would come close to the direct experience of what it means to be Superman. It’s not like recognizing who he is actually changed anything about Superman’s life as Clark. He still works at the Daily Planet. He still has a crush on Lois Lane. He still likes coffee. But his experiential grasp of his true nature does change his perspective on things. Specifically, Clark Kent won’t be limited to the same types of actions now that he remembers that he is. The next day, Clark saunters in the office with a certain pep. As he turns the corner, a plucky intern runs around the corner and directly into him, spilling coffee on his shirt. “Watch where you’re going, asshole!” the kid yells out. Does Clark get mad? Yes, a little bit at first. I mean, the its the kid who was run But he’s then he thinks “who gives a shit, I’m Superman. I could snap this guy’s spine in two, but it actually feels better not to." It sucks to live a life where you’re never going to know what it’s like to be Superman. "Honestly I acted like a jackass too when I felt like that. In fact, it sucks so much that I’ll help him clean up despite him acting like a fool." So Clark continues on being Superman and Clark, knowing the Truth, yet never able to completely state it or else people might freak out. His strength was always there, but his awareness made all the difference. Having the experience of being human makes being Superman that much better: He no longer feels as bored but he also has greater empathy for the humans-waiting-to-be-superhumans around him.

Hey guys, I have a really silly issue. Conscious work ungrounds me to a certain extent, after contemplating for a while, and my brain uses this to its advantage to just plainly piss me off. One way is it says "wow you truly don't know whether or not the laws of physics are real, like theres a high chance but you have no idea. That's a fact. That means it's perfectly possible for an alien to pop out of no where and kill you. That's perfectly possible" This scares the shit out of me, particularly when I'm home alone trying to go to bed. This issue is ridiculous but any advice? Thanks