eskwire

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323 Unbelievable!

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About eskwire

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  1. Engagement, goals, and results are not only a product of ego. This is a mistake many people make. Imagine being enlightened and living with full presence. You also see something that can be created or fixed. You make a goal to create or fix it. You know it doesn't matter unless it's created or fixed - so you pursue the result. This has the same results as someone who neurotically pushes themselves to create or fix something so they feel like they are somebody of importance. It is a drastically different way to live, however. The results are the results. They don't have to come from a neurotic place of the ego. My take on the authentic self is...it's you, your character, when your ego is out of the way. Not all enlightened people act the same. They have a character about them. And they are authentic in that character or use affects merely as tools for work (such as public speaking or teaching). In the peace of not living fakery and neurosis, there is "happiness."
  2. @Paradigm Self inquiry, the Neti Neti method, made the biggest difference in neurosis.
  3. Ah ok. I understand. Like...you can meditate but can you meditate "with your eyes open." I feel different after my enlightenment experiences, like I can meditate with my eyes open, but the love thing isn't there. It seems like I am just expecting something to feel a certain way. Maybe because I deeply got SO INTO people beforehand. People meant everything to me. I would go crazy helping them, accepting them, thinking about them, making everyone a priority before myself, eliminating healthy boundaries for them. I was an enthusiastic doormat.
  4. Meditation is sitting in what's true. If what's true at the time is not a feeling of bliss, it doesn't make it a false meditation. I felt wonderful during my enlightenment experiences, but was it love? Maybe we need to talk differently about what love is. If it's a deep regard for humanity, I've always had that and that hasn't disappeared. There just isn't an emotion I would think to label "love" along with it. Maybe it's just the preconceived notions about what love is confusing the situation.
  5. Thank you. I will look into it. Do you remember anything about this trap you could share now?
  6. Frustration is gone not increased. I did not feel love during my enlightenment experiences.
  7. @ashashlov Ha! I wondered if it was a back to square one issue. But I also considered it to be part of a transitional period, as @Martin123 said. Maybe our whole concept of love just got shattered and now there is a new process beginning.
  8. @ashashlov Right, it's like the compassion is there in that everything is clearer and not caught up in what *I* wanted, needed, believed, etc. But it doesn't feel like anything. My aunt thinks my heart has turned into a lump of coal, but I feel less hateful, more peaceful, than ever. Edit. Take that back. My heart was a hateful lump of coal for a while. She probably remembers that.
  9. So, luckily, this video just went up where Peter Ralston discusses love and compassion. I had some confusion about this. After having some transcendent experiences, my capacity to love (as I previously understood it) diminished. The loyalty and weighty concern about individual people have lifted. And I expected it to be replaced by an unconditional emotion of love for humanity. Instead, I just don't really care. The flipside of that is that I am more present during interactions. Also, the converse feelings of frustration, disappointment, and hatred have lifted. Basically, the egoic love is gone. The one with expectations, riddled with needs deficiencies. But I expected a replacement with something altruistic and analogous. That didn't happen. Does anyone else have a similar experience?
  10. It's ok. I wish all you dudes were Peter Ralston. 😍
  11. Oh also. Anxiety attacks are really perpetuated by fears of something physical happening. So when this happens, remind yourself that these have happened before and your heart hasn't stopped. The anxiety attack does not equal a stopped heart. You have all the evidence you need of this.
  12. Well, you have a physically entrenched anxiety issue at this point. That's my diagnosis. Chanting is a great way to suppress that overreactivity, but it is hard to recommend that to people. They won't do it. I chant something different that is more complicated, but I have read scientific literature on chanting OM and it seems effective. Look into that. Good luck and maybe check your fear of surrender.
  13. This got real nerdy real quick.