eskwire

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About eskwire

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  1. @Jhonny Please don't randomly get a girl pregnant bahahaha. My goodness!!! But the advice to do something "extreme" is solid. Clearly, you don't have motivation to take baby steps or consistent action so throw yourself in the deep end of a pool and watch yourself make changes out of necessity. What might the deep end of the pool look like for you?
  2. Yes and no. You aren't supposed to meditate trying to feel a certain kind of way while you are meditating. Trying to get in a "meditative state." So, in that sense, you aren't supposed to try to get somewhere. But it's perfectly fine to have a meditation practice for a reason: deal with anxiety, get enlightened someday, focus better at work, etc. So, yes, you do The Work by answering the questions without expectations, but if you are plagued by the same unhealthy thought patterns after repeated Work sessions, then why bother? You can do something else.
  3. Seriously! Yeah gives whole new meaning to "getting it twisted"
  4. @MsNobody Have you acted on those sex goals (threesome and a female) since then? Honestly, I recently had an orgy with my best friend and this awesome couple from Colombia we met on a road trip. It was healing! Like, really healing! Sexual healing! I recommend following up on those intuitions you had. ✨
  5. Right, so you would have to meta apply The Work to thoughts about The Work. I just think The Work deals with the surface (thoughts) and there are other techniques, methods, etc. that deal with root problems (physical structure, subconscious), so if you find yourself struggling with the trap I mentioned, you may as well move on to something else. After applying The Work to a thought, it routinely came up again. And I found myself having to apply it to dozens of thoughts. It deals with symptoms (thoughts), so it's like having to take daily pills for multiple symptoms of a disease rather than fundamentally curing the disease.
  6. @heisenburger and anyone else reading. I won't say not to do this because it was a part of the development work I have done - who knows how things would have gone for me without The Work. But...a warning: The Work has a trap of denial. You might start suppressing and denying your true feelings and perhaps add a layer of guilt to the whole thing. "I'm not supposed to feel angry about this. I already did The Work on it and see how this isn't true and I'm messing up rn." Just notice this if it happens to you and then let her process go. Move on to something else because that's dangerous territory. Very unhealthy. If not, great. Enjoy the freedom.
  7. @kieranperez PS My take on the 6 Pillars sentence stems is that they help your self-esteem by helping you live in alignment. They help you live in alignment by giving a louder and written voice to your "higher self" and intuition. The stuff you write after those sentence stems is usually pretty damn wise and self-aware. This is a great place for your true self to start coming through. And you won't dog your true self. It is beautiful and perfect.
  8. It's just a thought through my lens. It seems, to me, that you are motivated by achievement and are forcing yourself to achieve what you don't really want. So, there is backlash. You are fighting with yourself. This is why I ask about your age. For some people, they need a lot of time to ripen into knowing what they truly want. To know themselves enough to act in alignment. There's nothing wrong with that. I am sorry you are suffering at this time.
  9. WOW WHAT AN EXPERIENCE. This report will have spoilers and I warn you now - many of the people there were grateful that they walked into the retreat with no expectations. I was also grateful to have no expectations. If you want to keep the air of mystery, don't read this. The Program: The 10 day free retreats put on by Dhamma centers are thoroughly organized and expertly executed with a gradual, methodical introduction to the technique. I was inspired and uplifted to see a non-profit create and spread something so effective and so selfless. Do not let the "retreat" part fool you. This is like meditation bootcamp. 100 hours starting early AF in the morning. The Technique: If you are like me, you have dabbled in many meditation techniques, particularly those outlined by Leo. This technique will remind you of meditations you've probably done - but you likely have not done it specifically this way, and especially not to this degree. If you are a "space cadet" type person (I am), you need to do this technique. It is rooted in concentration and observation. You need this style of meditation to balance yourself in life. If you were interested in Buddhism and read about "clinging and aversion" - and you got it intellectually - now you get it for real. It fucking hurts: and nobody who ever recommended this to me mentioned this. I don't know if people keep that aspect of it hush hush so as not to scare anyone off, but it fucking hurts. It hurts to sit on a meditation cushion with your back straight for such long hours. I was used to meditating on a couch. It also hurts due to the physical manifestation of changes in the psyche. I am not kidding. This shirt hurts. It is supposed to hurt at times and feel amazing at other times. That is an integral part of the technique teaching you to ride the waves of pain and pleasure in life with stoic equanimity. I am not sure I could have done this without going through the process of getting a black belt - I used to be a total crybaby. Most people stayed and finished the course. Most people can get through it, so don't let that scare you. You Dump the Garbage: This intensive introduction to the technique retrains your mind. You are ripping up the carpet and floorboards in your mind house to lay down something new - equanimity. You will be amazed by how much you forgive and forget in the first few days of this program. It has an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind effect. It was like destroying memories by destroying old mind patterns. If you ever wanted to cut out pieces of your brain that seem to keep fucking with you, this is the place to do it. As a person who holds onto the past with the jaws of life, this was a miracle for me, and I am eternally grateful. I was amazed by how much of a dirtbag asshole I was! Once my mind cleared up, I could see how much my mind was infected with lust, wrath, vanity, and power hunger. I was such an asshole and I had no idea. Wizards!: I am trying not to egoically cling to the newfound abilities I have from learning this skill. I can make electricity shoot through my body at will. I totally see how people can give themselves an orgasm with their minds. I did not try this while I was there out of respect for the rules, but I see how it can be done. Doing so much meditation, in the effective way they teach it, is incredibly powerful. My creativity returned - I had dozens of cool ideas for businesses, programs, Twitter accounts, etc. Of course, everyone's experience is different. Community: You are allowed to speak on the 10th day to reintroduce you to society and the other people there were wonderful. In my bunk area, we developed an amazing sense of camaraderie despite the days of silence. We had dreams about each other and got to know each other - feeling each other's energy and experiencing living with each other without any words getting in the way. In areas with many people who have completed these retreats, they offer "group sits" on a weekly basis. I am about to move to Seattle and am hopeful that I will connect with fellow meditators. Enlightenment: Toward the end, it is time to experience a "dissolve" into universal vibrations. I did experience this for a few seconds (I believe it was a few seconds, who knows). It was like an experience I had earlier this year of being alive with nothing in the way, which I took to be an enlightenment experience. I do think this technique can be used for enlightenment if done properly. Takeaways: I have been bouncing around in meditation and personal development for the past year or so. I had fallen into a deep despair after losing my egoic sense of direction to "help people" that had been motivating me in my life previously - to get a degree in a helping field, to help heal my family, to give and give and give of myself at work. I had been achieving goals and having major breakthroughs, but was also drinking heavily to self-medicate. I was in emotional and physical pain. During this retreat, my attachment to alcohol disappeared. I feel a sense of direction again by surrendering myself to this path and placing this practice above all else in importance. I forgave many people, I released shame. I realized what I want in a relationship. I feel focused and grounded. I feel grateful. I feel compassion for the suffering of others. I drove 11 hours to my retreat, so please don't let distance stop you - there are also rideshares. All I can ultimately say is that I recommend it. There was a 4 year gap between hearing about it and going. Maybe you won't go this year, but, never forget that you can. https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/locations/directory
  10. Yes, watch your excuses. I live in rural Arkansas and drove 11 hours each way to a Vipassana retreat in Georgia. I recommend doing the Dhamma program, especially if your level of motivation is such that a drive is too much. Not judging, just observing - I would also not discipline myself on the same level as the program. It is not recommended to begin this practice outdoors. Going to the program with friends is unnecessary, though recreating the program on your own with friends could be cool. You don't, however, know what the program is. You work in 60-90 minute sessions with breaks.
  11. @kieranperez I don't think you have low self esteem. How old are you?
  12. (I didn't watch those videos quoted.) "Toxic person" is a mean way to call someone unhealthy. You would be surprised after you have a shift in your mental health how your thoughts on helping others and them helping you will change because some underlying co-dependency problems will start resolving. Co-dependents often end up in savior roles of helping other mentally unhealthy people and, of course, those people you help don't have a full cup with which to offer you appropriate and healthy support. Do you mind if I ask what your family was/is like? If you would like to talk, please PM me anytime. I am waking up from a year-long sad streak myself.
  13. @Wormon Blatburm Walking
  14. I agree. @DawnOfReality Values and beliefs can get entangled. Use mindful observation and allow yourself some time. I wrote down my list of values several months ago and, after having enlightenment experiences, it looks like something a small alien child wrote. I don't care about it at all. (Haven't done the LP course, so if he is offering a process that alleviates that problem, my apologies.)
  15. @Sukhpaal Your questions and answers during contemplation should be clear and observant - short - rather than anecdotal and analytical. The depth is achieved by the rigorous consistency of asking about everything. Yes you answer questions with lists of examples, for example.