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I was sitting on a hill under a small oak tree, looking out over a dimly lit city. It was dark and a cool breeze blew softly on my face. I had come to do self-enquiry but the mind seemed to be pulling towards contemplation. After acknowledging there was no control in the matter, the mind began to wander. The thoughts followed a familiar trail into the existential void and a question arose. “If there was not Now, what would there be?”. To which the answer was “Nothingness”. If there is not now. Then there is nothing. "Then what is Now?" When duality breaks down. When there is no perception of opposites, then everything merges into one. "Now is Everything" If now is everything, then now is also nothing. “Now is also nothingness” If the only alternative to now is nothingness, and now is also nothing. Then no matter whether you are in the now or nothingness there is still nothing. There is no escaping nothing Direct experience is far more important than this kind of thinking, but I always enjoy new ways to conceptualize the illusion of existence.

Spiral Dynamics Stage Turquoise gone from Youtube? Leo, why is your video gone? I am getting worried. I think this video is very deep and profound, why would the youtube remove it? I am glad I did take notes from it, your newest video "Launching On Patreon" talking about getting banned from youtube makes sense now. Here is my notes from your video: We are beginning to see the entire universe as a holographically interlinked network of energy and information, organically whole and self-referential at all scales of existence - Ervin Laszlo Out Beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing there is a field. Ill meet you there -Rumi A samadhi beats an orgasm every time -Unknown Turquoise is T2 Magnificence of being and existence really starts to flower. T2 and Turquoise is beyond survival, beyond ego, beyond fear, beyond idealogy, beyond politcal parties, beyond racial affiliations or anything like that. Moving into self transcedence and selfless living. People on stages in spiral belives people on other stages in spiral are insane or deluded. Blue - Yellow growth = 1%. Turquoise is where 99% of the work starts. Physical reality will start to disolve - everything you thought were obvious about the world. At Turqoise you are ready to jailbreak the mind and discover what is beyond the mind. Science never really tells you how you should apply this in your life and what you can do with this which this to actually develop yourself Science boils down to quantification and measurements. (Measuring reality with a ruler, in verious form and writing down the data) Very big perspective of what life is about Not about me becoming rich, famous or successful. Or fighthing for some political cause for my little group. Not about saving the whales, a hierarchy, a civilization. Its about getting all of mankind to awaken to the magnificence of existence. To which most of mankind is utterly asleep. (Most people have not met a turquoise human being, they excist but are very rare) Essence of Turquoise Collectivist (different from green, Manifesting the self for the benefit of existential reality,life) • Holistic • Global collectivist • Self transcendent • To experience the wholeness of existence through mind and spirit The world is seen as a single dynamic organism with its own collective mind. Everything connects to everything else, alot of boundaries break down and there are alot of ecological alignments. The universe is alive and intelligent. Its not a dumb clockwork machine. • Interesting in building a human communtiy based on mystical wisdom. (the deepest wisdom that is possible to access for mankind) • Interested in cooparate action for elevating the consciousness of mankind • Turqoise is a synthesis of the left and right brain, east and west science and religion, mind, body, spirit and heart. All of it coming togheter to function very smoothly and effortlessly for the benefit of all of life and of consciousness. • People at turquoise usually become gurus, sages, teachers, leaders, visionaries, healers and clairvoyance When does Turquoise emerge? • With realization that yellow has that it alone no matter how much it models and understands stuff it cannot solve the worlds problems just through its systemic understanding • When yellow starts to see the consciouseness unifies everything and everyone. The idea that consciousness is central. All verious problems mankind have all boils down to consciousness • When Yellow starts to see very deeply the limits of thinking and modeling and the scientific method, reason and logic. Ready to go beyond the mind • When yellow starts to realize that all of the answers and understanding that it has developed so far has not been the ultimate answer. • Emerges with very serious spiritual practice • Turquoise is a flowering of mysticism. • With the transcendence of your ego • Awereness of Maya The dream that we are in, when you start to realize that whats happening in here is a game, its a virtual simulation, its a hallucination, there is nothing tangible about whats happening right here or about this body. All the ways that the mind deludes us and creates these very solid seeming tangible illusions. • When Yellow realize the mind and the undersanding of it self does not bring happiness • Shift from learning about stuff to being one with the many Turquoise Values • Consciousness • Truth - Existensial and metaphysical • Deep metaphysical insights • Metaphysics • Wisdom / Wisdom of nature Wisdom is not something just human beings have, its inherent to all of reality because the boundary between human beings and reality starts to break • Mysticism, spirituality and non-duality, god and divinity God and divinity are very different ideas from at blue. (blue=bearded anthropomorphic bearded man in the clouds, This right here is God. God is consciousness. • Holism, integration and synthesis vs analysis (interconnect) • Left and right brain synthesis • Honesty, transparancy and radical authenticity • Being. vs knowing, doing and having. • Simplicity, flowing with nature, effortless plesureable life • Minimalist sustainable living, collaborative syngergy, human wellness • Healing, the physical, emotional and spiritual dimension • Exploring altered states of consciousness • Intuiton, channeling or direct downloads from infinite intelligence • Supernatural degrees of creativity • Supernatural visionary (see connections that mankind will not see yet), • Spiritual purification • Awakening, transendence, libeartion, unconditional love, compassion for all, emotional mastery, presence, mindfullness, paradox, esoteric teachings, gratitude, unity, deeper and deeper levels of interconnectedness, selfless living, sacrificing the self for greater consciousness of the whole, meditation, yoga, contemplation, self-inquiry. • Not knowing and humility, spontaneity, playfulness and self-amusement • Tends to be light hearted Ego is the heavy hearted with fears and problems • The really big picture Distinct Turquoise with Green • Real mysticism vs new-agey faddish spiritual practices Casual meditation vs at turquoise you start to have industrial levels of meditation and contemplation • Turquoise is informed by direct non-dual experiences rather than beliefs and ideas. • Embraces global collectivism without attacking the individual like green did • Turquoise is consciuouss of the spiral and is a spiral wizard. • Not as triggered by injustices. • There is acceptance from deep understanding of intolerance, conflict, war, violence, greed and evil. (where as green just reacting against them, against orange greed and materialism, turqiouese understands thats life, how the ego evolves. Its not because they are bad, its because they are a treat to you(ego)) • Avoids mob mentality that comes with green. • Awareness of ego and there is more mindfullness and presence in turquoise • More emotional mastery than green • Non reactive and detached vs green was very reactive and attached • Effective solving large problems vs getting togheter and talk/protest. Characteristics of Turquoise • Turquoise sees the human race as a single organism Everything is connected. Sees the dissolution of the physical boundaries between self and other. Such that you can no longer differntiate between your physical body, the universe and your enemies. (there is no difference between you and coffee table) • Use the world as interlinked causes and effects in interacting fields of energy. • For turquiose there is joint activity accross groups, factions and communities spiritual bonds pull people togheter, communities are not just physical but also conecptual because "physical" is actually a concept. Physical itself is not physical. • Feelings and emotions come back into play • Work must be meaningful to the overall health of life • Deep trust of intuition and instinct • The self is a part of a large conscious spiritual whole you are not just a little individual human being or human body as you've always thought • Non -manipulative -ideological and -judgemental. • Not driven by fear or selfless selifshness • Does not play victim or blame games • Deeper mental and spiritual capacites are awakened • New sences and abilites you would think were superhuman become ordinary and human. There is new control over bodily processes, there is a heightened sensory awareness. • Paranormal abilities can develop or as the Yogi's call the cities. • Healing abilities, telepathy, astral projection, ESP, clairvoyance and remote viewing which seems odderly fantastical, religious and superstitious to stages below which are stuck in material paradgim. • The mystical becomes the mundane, the paranormal becomes normal. • Having inspiring levels of emotional mastery • Likes minimalist living. Less is more. • Ecologicaly conscious like green was. • Being visionary and being an inspiring leader • There is a unification of science, technology, medicine and mysticism • Deep understanding and unification of all religions, picks the best parts of them and throw away all the junk, corruption and ego stuff that has corrupted those traditions. All of them are really pointing to the same stuff. • There is a synthesis with western technology and eastern mysticism. • Theres an understanding of the fullness of the spiral and turquoise uses all the layers proactively and holistically • Sees everything at once before doing anything spesific • There is a colletive imperative and there is mutual interdependencies that reign supreme over your individual egoic needs. • If turquoise is engaged in business its gonna be a business with soul that probably tries to awaken you in some fashion. • There is a sense of a greater community bulit around spiritual emobidment. Turquoise is the 6. and 7. chakra • Turquoise action comes from selfless love and open heart • Has a great mental and behavioral flexibility • Sexual desire is transmuted into metaphysical love. (not always the case but for really exceptional turquoise people, outgrown from the lower chakras) • Excellent in dealing with paradoxes • Tend to be very wise and teach in unorthodox styles. • Is post rional and post material • Connects to being rather than quantifying or categorizing the world. That enterprise is over. Its way too limited. • Is non-linear • Is human-centered • Has a supernatural intuition • Has an ability to connect to source • Tends to have high integrity and is able to actually follow through that integrity • For Turquoise the universe is both impersonal and deeply personal. And thats a paradox they resolve. (need to be experienced to understand) • Turquoise is conscious of the miracle of life. Everything becomes mystical, amazing and magical. • Has a constant attention to ever-expanding implications of everything. • Turquoise is even a deeper systems thinker than yellow was. Systems now are not just mechanical things, they are alive, imbued with intelligence. Intelligence is not something that human beings possess the way that orange arrogantly belives. Intelligence is permeated through the entire universe. Every aspect of being is intelligent. The entire arrangement of the univcerse is infinte intelligence at work. • For Turquoise life consists of fractals. You can see all the interconnections in the fractal nature of everything. Can see the micro right throgh to the macro. • Stands in awe at the cosmic order from quarks to cells to humans, trees, cars, to galaxasies and big bang. All of it is awesome,miracle,magical,amazing, all of it interconnects with everything else. • For Turquoise reality can be experienced but never truly known. Reality is fundamentally irreducibly, mysterious and mystical. • There is a dissolution of the ego. • For turquoise there is a paradox that on the one hand life is the most important thing there is and yet on the other hand my own life is completly unimportant. My death does not matter. • Turquoise can detect the harmonic forces which govern organizations, which makes turquoise good at leading and running organizations • Turquoise is good by setting a good example/being a good role model • Turquoise is a movement away from the gross materialism. From gross stuff to subtle stuff turquoise develops the capacity to sense the subtle aspects of reality. • Going from the external to the internal • There is a transcendence of morality, meaning, judgement, life and death, duality, mind, reason, science and good and evil. • Is finally able to have really deep honest meaningful relationships and communication. Beyond the shallow petty clinginess, neediness and materialism that came with orange,green and yellow. The reason we have shitty relationships is because we have relationships to statisfy our own needs. Gross materialistic needs. They are all about manipulation. Not sustainable and thats why it ends. Turquoise is relating from a non needy place, from a much more honest place. These types of relationships are like next-level/super human relationships. As orange or green you dont know what a true communication face-to-face with a human being is because you are so wrapped up in your own ego and unconscious of the dynamics that the ego is playing and how it is distorting your ability to relate to other people and to communicate honestly with other people. Examples of Turquoise • Sadguru, the Isha foundation, • Shunya Murti, a western Yogi from costa rica (example of Intergration of all religions, science and holism) • Thomas Campbell • Yoda (globalist community minded and mystical) • David Hawkins, Ken Wilber, Shinzen young, Deepak Chopra • Stan Grof, (high yellow, early turquise) • Osho (netflix, still not perfect society) • Mooji, Rama G, Rupert Spira, A cartoles, New earth • Yogananda, Maarten ball, • Terence McKenna, Carl Jung (yellow/Turquoise) • Sri Aurobindo (solid turquoise) • Pierre tel yard, Erven Laszlo, David loy, Allan watts • Wim hof, Mat khan, the dalai lama, sacha shulgin • Yoga, holotrophic breathwork, the book: the holographic universe, the akashic records, the new oh sphere, opening the third eye, the pineal gland, out-of-body experiences, samadhi experiences, cities, paranormal abilities, clairvoyance, channels, mediums like Bashar, stuff that aleister crowley was doing, Rudolf steiner • Alternative healing systems, the notion of maya, pshychedelics, 5MEO-DMT, • From Star Trek the Q race • Rupert Sheldrake`s "more for genetic fields" (turquise concept) • Dene Radin`s paranormal research • Gandhi`s ideas of pluralistic harmony • The notion of Gaia, earth as a living system, Biocentrism, • The monrone institute, The Esalen institute, • Transpersonal pshycholigy as an entire field, Jung`s collective unconscious and various kinds of archetypes • Quantum field theory (starting to show the interconnectedness and the nonlinear infinate nothingness that everything is) • Sacred geometry, reincarnation, opening chakras • Saints, sages, mystics and prophets. Less then 0,1% of the global population is at Turquoise Turquiose has less than 1% of total world influence or power Style of Government: we do not really have any examples yet. We have some small communities. Based on these small communities it would look something like this: A holistic organism, micro management of all life-forms torwards common good in respone to macro problems. What life means supersedes any special, natural ethnic or ideological groupings. The purpose of this society is to elevate the consciousness of all of mankind. Spiral dynamics vs Non-duality • You can be in a non-dual state but not stage turquoise. • Spiral dynamics is more about how culture becoming more complicated and sophisticated and dealing with more complicating problems • Non-duality is another variable. Turquoise Slogans Everything is one, we are all god, You are already enlightned, everyting is perfect and at the same time everything is evolving, to see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, the kingdom of heaven is within, forgive them father for they know not what they do, I am that, life is a dream. What triggers Turquoise? Not that much, you worked alot on non-judgemental and detachment. Turquoise is quite understandning of how Maya works, how ignorrant works (where triggering basically comes from). Has a fairly robust degree of emotional maturity and mastery which helps to take the edge of alot of stuff. • The insanity of the world - sees how unsustainable all these actions are. • The status quo. - frustrating that our government,politics and economics are still at such a low level of development. • Myopia - the limitied vision that people can have. • Materialistic corruption • Profit over truth and spirit • Profit over heart • Dogmatic, scientism and rationalsim - quantifying • Ecological dysfunction • By the collective suffering of mankind. All of mankind suffering is largely self-inflicted. • By little petty mundane affairs. Turquoise limitations/unhealthy manifistations • Can become too mystical and too spiritual. To the point where they become unconcerned with earthly problems. Where they can just go off and live in a cave all by themseleves or like a hermit. • They sort of live in their own reality. They are so advanced that it is hard for other people to understand them. They can teach very advanced things that are difficult to relate to for avarge folk. Theirfor they can be misunderstood or their teachings can just fly over peoples heads. • Can develop a guru complex. Feeds your spiritual ego. Devlop cults. • Life can become sort of meaningless. Your are just in a dream. • Can deny the importance of political issues. • Can assume that other people are just as capable of awakening as they are. • There can be community division on a grand scale. Turquoise can develop into sort of mega tribes. Turquoise is a mirror or a parallel to purple. Turquioise is also trible but no more enlightned tribalism. There can be conflict and division between these turquoise mega tribes. • Can become stuck on shallow levels of enlightenment or non-duality. Theres many grees to awakening. Some gurus will have 10-100 more real depth of understandings than other ones. Does not realize there is deeper levels. • Non-duality wars. Certain gurus criticize other gurus from different traditions. Teaching debates, whos more enlightned and what does it really mean. • Maha Samadhi. So enlightned that you actually leave your body. Dont overidealize turquiose Dont think Turquoise is perfect. A person can not be turquoise if hes not perfect. That he can not do mistakes. Turqouise does not make you moral or good at all. Does not make you special. Egoic goal. Turquoise does not make you enlighetned. Enlightned is an own thing. Dont confuse it with spiral dynamics. Does not make you immune to false beliefs, cultural biases. Culture is something thats rooted very deeply in your mind. Even if you become enlightned you will still have cultural beliefs, preferences and values which are operating on you just from the culture you grew up in. You can be closed to other traditions or cultures just by not opening yourself up to them or not being familiar enough with them. Turquoise does not make you immune to dangerous social ideas. Its still possible that you will hurt people. Not immune to sexual cravings or addictions. How to transcend turquoise You should not worry about transcending turquoise, but embodying turquoise. You can do for 40 years. Your goal should be to pursue non-duality to its fullest and really to transcend spiral dynamics. How to emobody Turquoise • Make sure you have a hardcore industrial-grade spiritual practice going. (Meditation, yoga, self-inquiry, contemplation or whatever else) • Contemplate everything. • Embody unconditional love. • Long solo retreats - very helpfull for deepning your connection with being. • Spiritual purification work of various kind. (shadow work) • Do 5Meo-DMT • Join or start spiritual community • Read turquoise books • Meet turquoise sages face to face • Study many religions. • Study cutting-edge science. • Study non-dual theory deeply - read at least 30 books. • Open your chakras, specially the lower ones and heart chakra. • Transumte your sexual energy. • Learn alternative healing techniques • Make sure you go back and master all the stages. • Keep watching actualized.org.

With Lesson 10 even the thoughts themselves are said to be without meaning: ACIM Lesson 10 - My thoughts do not mean anything. 1. This idea applies to all the thoughts of which you are aware, or become aware in the practice periods. The reason the idea is applicable to all of them is that they are not your real thoughts. We have made this distinction before, and will do so again. You have no basis for comparison as yet. When you do, you will have no doubt that what you once believed were your thoughts did not mean anything. 2. This is the second time we have used this kind of idea. The form is only slightly different. This time the idea is introduced with “My thoughts” instead of “These thoughts,” and no link is made overtly with the things around you. The emphasis is now on the lack of reality of what you think you think. 3. This aspect of the correction process began with the idea that the thoughts of which you are aware are meaningless, outside rather than within; and then stressed their past rather than their present status. Now we are emphasizing that the presence of these “thoughts” means that you are not thinking. This is merely another way of repeating our earlier statement that your mind is really a blank. To recognize this is to recognize nothingness when you think you see it. As such, it is the prerequisite for vision. 4. Close your eyes for these exercises, and introduce them by repeating the idea for today quite slowly to yourself. Then add: This idea will help to release me from all that I now believe. The exercises consist, as before, in searching your mind for all the thoughts that are available to you, without selection or judg­ment. Try to avoid classification of any kind. In fact, if you find it helpful to do so, you might imagine that you are watching an oddly assorted procession going by, which has little if any personal meaning to you. As each one crosses your mind, say: My thought about _________ does not mean anything. My thought about _________ does not mean anything. 5. Today’s thought can obviously serve for any thought that distresses you at any time. In addition, five practice periods are recommended, each involving no more than a minute or so of mind searching. It is not recommended that this time period be extended, and it should be reduced to half a minute or less if you experience discomfort. Remember, however, to repeat the idea slowly before applying it specifically, and also to add: This idea will help to release me from all that I now believe. https://acim.org/workbook/lesson-10/ Key insight from Lesson 10: Not even our thoughts themselves have any meaning when identified with the ego. Detailed explanation Meaning as defined earlier depends on a context. And the biggest context for our thoughts is all of reality. However in our ego identification the context is the individual and personal mind itself. And then the context for the thoughts is the ego itself. This results in a circular context incapable of giving meaning due to the self-reference of it. A context cannot be its own context. It can be said that the ego has a pseudo context, the appearance of a real context while in truth being a false context. So even the limited form of meaning the ego is giving to thoughts is false. And this is how Lazy Yoga and ACIM Lesson 10 state the same thing, Practical example Someone is thinking about what to wear at a party the next evening. To the person those thoughts have meaning. It so happens in this case, as for most of us, that the person is trapped in ego identification. The meaning of the thoughts therefore only exists within the context of the person's own mind which we just described as being a false context. And that's why people can have different meaning attached to the same experiences. Personal consequences Yikes, this is getting pretty hardcore. I don't remember A Course in Miracles being this tough. Not even my thoughts themselves having any meaning? That's something I need to ponder for a while. Global perspective The alienation and separation between people all over the world is understandable from the perspective of Lesson 10. All of us who are still identified with our egos, and that's still almost all people, are thinking a lot all the time without realizing the lack of meaning of those thoughts. Integral change We need to become able to have true meaning to our thoughts. And that is done in an integral way by keeping our ability of having personal and individual thoughts while having those thoughts being corrected to reflect true meaning.

"Walking away under the guise of renunciation or non-attachment is the easy path. It shows more spiritual fiber to live a godly life in the jungle of civilization. I love all. Even those who avow themselves my enemies. For I see the thee in every being." - Paramahansa Yogananda "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." - Mahatma Gandhi “The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.” - William Butler Yeats "When you make the two into one, and when you make the inner as the outer, and the above as the below, and when you make male and female into a single one, so that the male shall not be male, and the female shall not be female, when you make eyes in the shape of an eye, a hand in place of a hand, a foot in place of a foot, an image in place of an image, then you will enter the kingdom." - Jesus Christ "It is your mind that creates the world." - The Buddha "It is the world that creates your mind." - The Buddha "Among the great things that are to be found among us, the being of nothingness is the greatest." - Leonardo da Vinci "Believe nothing; no matter where you read it or whoever said it, not even me." - The Buddha "In order to gain everything, you must lose everything." - The Buddha "He appeared unexpectedly and became unutterably United and merged with me, and leaped over to me without anything in between, as fire to iron, as the light to glass. And He made me like fire and like light. And I became that which I saw before and beheld from afar. I do not know how to relate this miracle… I am man by nature, and God by the grace of God." - Saint Symeon "For the One who has become many, remains the One undivided, but each part is all of Christ." - Saint Symeon "The more conscious we become, the more powerful we become." - Adyashanti "You must affirm the vow to never give up until you have become a Buddha and brought peace to this world… we are not saved by satori. We saved by the vow to attain satori." - Yamada Mumon "I am the light above everything. I am everything. Everything came forth from me, and everything reaching me." - Jesus Christ "Are you God?" - they asked. "No," - Buddha said. "Are you a saint?" - they asked again. "No," - Buddha replied. "Are you a celestial being?" "No." "Who are you?" "I am awake." "You can't pretend into profundity." - Peter Ralston "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." - Joseph Campbell “Why do you so earnestly seek the truth in distant places? Look for delusion and truth in the bottom of your own heart.” - Ryōkan "The village has disappeared in the evening mist And the path is hard to follow. Walking through the pines, I return to my lonely hut." - Ryōkan "No vexation, no enlightenment; no anxiety, no illumination." - Confucius "Wherever you go, there you are." - Jon Kabat-Zinn "The man was the message." - Mark W. Muesse "Paradox and Confusion are the guardians of the truth." - Peter Ralston "Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what your are looking for." - Joseph Campbell "Do not seek to follow the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought." - Matsuo Basho "A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience." - Oliver Wendell Holmes "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." - Joseph Campbell

Today I had a trip by hawaiian psychedelic seeds. And i did not lose my ego or something but had constantly this background feeling of nothingness, and being. I could not wrap my head totally around it but I had a brief insight of that being can only be and it is amazingly complicated and will never be understood, how it is or how it comes into being and is. Is it true though? Or is it just that I as a human did not understand it, but as nothingness I would totally comprehend it and know myself completely. Therefore does god know itself completely or is it even too complicated for god?

Nice. I saw this coming . . . . An expansion beyond intellectual concepts The concepts have value, yet are the tip of the iceberg. This goes so far beyond the concepts. There an energetic shift and a transcendence of theory. The concepts can be useful, yet like you say - the concepts themselves become stale. When we get direct experience of "ISness", there is a magical energetic shift. Then the theory can become unattractive. This new energy of attraction is for more of the direct experience of "ISness" and there is a whole world to explore. I went through a stage in which all the seeking energy was oriented toward direct experience of magical ISness. I spent a lot of time in nature. There was no seeking energy to find truth through theory. . . The cool thing is when ISness wants to reveal itself through the mind-body via art, poetry, concepts. And how the resonance changes. I lost resonance with many types of spiritual expressions and new resonance appeared. For example, I resonated with the poet Matsuo Basho all of a sudden. I was like: this dude gets it. He knows. No theory. ISness expressing itself through Matsuo's poems. We experience the same eternal ISness of Now. Me and a 17th century Japanese poet. . . Sometimes there is an aspect of loneliness as it can be hard to connect with others. Yet when a transcendent connection arises it is super cool. A big steaming bowlful of YES There are different orientations. From an intellectual egoic orientation, one may say "All there is ISness. All this theory bullshit. It doesn't matter what I do. I might as well sit around all day and play games". This is a very different than a post-intellectual trans-egoic orientation that says "Everything is ISness. All this theory is bullshit. Let's directly experience the magic of ISness." Yepper. The empty nothingness is one facet within an infinite Truth. The next expansion is that you transcend authority to YOU. . . The transcendent YOU is the greatest teacher. And it gets even better. . . The direction I think you are heading. . . You realize YOU are all teachers and spiritual beings. You are buddha, You are Jesus, You are Alan Watts, You are every enlightened being that has ever lived. The groundlessness you desire is the source. It's the same source that all sages tapped into. Then things get really interesting. You become both creator and creation. Walk through the woods and BE the magical creation of Now. Notice how a babbling brook is an enlightened teacher. Watch one of Leo's videos and notice how You are teaching Yourself

I find myself getting more and more alienated from a lot of the spiritual concepts that I have been ingrained with in the past few years. The more I do this work, the less I find these concepts to be truthful and attractive. For example, these concepts do not make sense to me anymore: Mind Consciousness Imagination Meditation Subjectivity Enlightenment Increasing Consciousness Unconditional Love "In silence you will find Truth" Strong determination sitting Liberation Ego Truth Absolute A lot of the language Leo is using does not resonate with me anymore, and I actually loved it not that long ago. Actually I find that a lot of spiritual talking to me is kind of weirdly delusional. It feels pretentious, it feels sheepish. It feels so uncreative and stale. When I listen to Alan Watts for example I feel like there is this playfulness which lacks in a lot of other teachings. I have a desire to explore celebration, activity, swimming, whirling, playing (in the metaphysical sense, not hobbies). I would love to see some Viking ceremonies, or some Shamanic dances. An embrace of fluidity and playfulness. I want magicalness, I want wonder and awe. There is a sense of fairytale-ness. I think I want Groundlessness. I want movement that is motionless, not motionless movement. I want Joke, Play instead of Truth, Absolute. Maybe all this feels like restriction and I find myself to embrace freedom. Instead of "Sit down and meditate" I see results in "Listen to music and contemplate until contemplation falls apart". Results in Flow rather than Stillness. Expanding into Being, giving being Presence instead of observation, seeing truth, etc. There is this sense of ridiculousness coming, a Trickster who laughs at the seriousness of Zen Monks, who laughs at the concepts of Leo, who laughs at itself. I don't know how else to describe it, it does not seem egoic, it does not seem attached or survivalistic. Rather it feels the opposite of that. It's like it cannot denie magic, and thus it cannot take any of this too seriously. It also has a sense of Love and Acceptance. It seeks active compassion, it seeks art and creativity. Previously when I looked at "enlightenment" I saw darkness, I saw stillness, I saw detachment. "Nothingness". Now it looks colorful, it looks impossible, it looks like a fairy-tale. It feels tumultuous, waves of endless color and feeling crashing against each other. It feels like a huge orchestra of magic, it feels like taking you by the hand and swirling you around. It is laughing, it is crying, it is alive. It looks at Leo's castle of non-duality and wants to swoop it away with a tsunami of creativity and playfulness. This is the path that I see, and I think Leo's talk of Love has helped me see it more clearly. But I feel like Leo got there in a different way, the path he took does not seem to be the path that seems attractive to me, but I think the change in direction he has taen is what I really like. But the foundation upon which his castle is build feels serious, and despite him putting the cream of Love and passion on top of it now, the foundation seems to still remain, if that makes sense? I will obviously still find use in all of the content Leo produces, but I don't know if I can be a "follower" anymore, in the sense that I don't know if I don't want to create my own path, using Leo's videos as an addition instead of a main diet. I don't want any diet that comes from someone else anymore. I want to create my own diet. I want to explore myself even if I am not utterly successful. This very attitude of being so serious about this pathway seem unattractive to me. It seems to suck the joy and curiousity out of this path. I want to feel fairytale-ness, magic, compassion, playfulness not "industrial grade enlightenment practice". Does anyone know what I mean? To me it feels like there is a very ingrained bias of a certain way of looking at all this that is very present in the general culture of spiritualism. This bias seems to become more and more apparent to me, and I start seeing it everywhere. I want to explore a different perspective, or rather what I have explored does not seem entirely compatible with this current bias.

The very essence of this pregnant nothingness is the essence of existence I'm sure of it...

I have been doing meditation on and off for a while but decided I wanted to delve deeper into it. So I got "mastering the core teachings of the buddha" by Daniel Ingram. He emphasizes a technique called noting in which you mentally note arising sensations. Multiple per second. He says every in breath we note "rising", every out breath "falling" and everything in between we note as fast as possible. He also gave an analogy about shooting aliens (which can be any sensation/object in awarness I guess) like in a videogame, but shooting them means noting them. It was very stressful when I tried it. I thought meditation is peaceful, which is why it confused me. Maybe this is the difference between concentration meditation and investigation meditation? I wanted a technique to work on awakening. He says awakening is basically getting insights into these three areas: impermanence, suffering, no ego. Do you know any techniques which achieve this effectively? There are multiple techniques I know but I don't know now what specifically they are for. For example: - Observing awarness itself - Being aware of the sensation of self wherever it is (for me in the back of my head) for a long time (is this basically self enquiry?) - Nothingness technique from Leo (I think) - Bringing awarness back to breath after thoughts arise technique. And of course just simple concentration techniques, which I like most because they are so simple. I'm just really confused right now. I really kind of hate the noting technique. (is it the same as "labeling", just a different name?) but maybe Im doing it wrong. What are the techniques I listed for and can they be used for enlightnening? Are there any others you could share?

Waking in the night, blankets on the floor, a terror born inside me; expulsion evermore. Neither was I here nor there; no space a place could be, the missing gate was I; this space is known as me. Horrified in agony, I stumbled to the mirror, screaming out for anyone; the silence only clearer. I starred into the gaze; and none starred back at me, this had been my secret - Truth: Infinity. Known & yet unrecognized, a face could not be seen, could not accept this shocking ruse; that love indeed is me. The floor was more my character, upon it I did seek, to my surprise, these molded tiles; more beauty than could be. All that I had known before, so perfect & airtight, was in jest - not misery, indignity, nor plight. Into the day, the same arose, awakened as in night; so within, it did begin - the everlasting life. Invincible, untouchable, harmless & unharmed, the nightmare had subsided; in no one was alarm. Knowing made impossible, in knowing of all things, Nothingness the superpower; I am just a dream.

@nexusoflife Are not all forms forms forms of thought. Who you think you are, as you say, being a collection of thoughts. Experiences too, being a collection of thoughts about a collection of thoughts experiencing thought to be matter. Thought being empty, nothingness. Thought making something out of nothing. So the other way you talk of, could it be merely watching thought as it creates things and then lives as/in/on/with them. Is there really any separation (the gap you talk of) between the you you think you are and the world you think you live in/on? All just thought, isn't it?

Letting all thought go, such as in those practices = “reconnecting” with source. I use quotes because we’re never actually disconnected. THE Source, is the source “of” you and everything you are desiring, achieving. All the dots you’re connecting along the way, all the understanding, etc, all The One, All Source. From the perspective of “separate self” (an idea of a self), you’re a person, who is in a physical world. This makes for need, effort, striving, resistance, recouping, There’s a sort of ‘you’ vs ‘the world’, underlying view...which leads to this.... You are already awesome, and everything in your life is coming from the true you, if you will, the source of all, absolute awesomeness - absolute you. There’s an idea of a you working on something, so there’s an idea that more of You/Source (“going more inside”) could jeopardize what “you” have going. That perpetuates the idea of the separate self. That’s an idea though, a facade. All goodness in your life has come from you. Just, plain old - you. There is no separate self, just perspectives & ideas of. These perspectives and & ideas - are resistance. Resistance to everything you are wanting. The fear of self, is being projected, contextualized in duality (more me = losing what I have going), leaving you focused more on the circumstances, than on the approach. Much more than approach, the very you which you are bringing to life, is entirely dictating the entire experience of the life. It’s hard to see, because it’s magical, and so all encompassing - but again, notice, all awesomeness in your life, came from you. I would listen to that very much. However, I would not go to the duality so ready, of “heart isn’t in it > drop out”. Maybe dropping out is best for your dream, maybe not. I would create a dream board, and starting putting everything & anything you want on it. Over time, this reveals the actuality of the perfection of your life - already well underway. How all your experiences, all your education, skills, everything you’ve learned, is actually perfectly gelling, seamlessly, right into what you are wanting. Becoming more aware of what you want, expresses yourself more deeply, and begins to reveal an entirely new world. A mystical uncommunicable world, where all that is unfolding, is in perfect accordance with your wanting, and your knowing of your true self - worthy of receiving it all, deserving of the unfolding of your unique life dream, just as you want it. Try to take a ‘step back’ from that. Consider, if there’s no such thing as an accident, and I & the experience are one, a life story unfolding - then - what’s the bigger picture here? How is that apparent ‘accident’ of electronics - actually guidance? What did it lead me to? What did I discover, know more so, about myself? You can utilize your dream board for something specific like this. In terms of what you find “scary”, on that subject you know two things: -What you don’t want. -Because you know what you don’t want, you inherently know what you do want. Use the board to make that pivot. Write a list, single words, of what it is you find scary. What do you actually think could unfold, that you don’t want. Then next to each word, make a list, single words, of the opposites. That will take the scariness of unwanted - and flip the perspective from ‘separate self wanting’ to authentic wanting (and the knowing of what you are really wanting), while simultaneously “reconnecting” with the source of you, the source of all things wanted. After a while, you won’t need the board, and you won’t need to “flip the perspective”, because you’ll be aligned with source, and your thoughts arising will be of your true nature. How life unfolds then - - I’m excited for you to see. It is such a walk in the park, that you are of course already “it”. There’s no effort or work in letting go. 99% of everything you have created so far in life - the “work” of it - was done before a single word was written, or a single brick was laid. It’s a safe bet, given where you’re at in life, that you have come to appreciate the usage of processes. In a sense, success in life to some degree, relies on the implementation of systems and processes. So, maybe take what I’m saying as a connecter of meditation, contemplation, source, and loving life. In meditation, let go as deeply as possible. Every single possible thing. Let go of all wanting to live, any need for anything, any need for motivation, for believing in yourself, any care for anyone or anything. Meta-Let-Go, into Nothingness. This will ‘kick up’ some beliefs you’re identified with. Without the knowing of what to do - without knowing this to is process driven - you might be reluctant to let go to the point of purification. However, let sensation clean out the misunderstandings, the falsities, let the waterworks flow every opportunity, welcome and allow the healing, non resistant like. Feel the emotions and be at ease knowing this is a flushing out, a cleaning & clearing out. When you get frazzled (because you ‘went into duality’ - thinking) and are “holding on”, confused, agitated, “stuck”, etc - just write what’s going on, on the board. Let it ‘out of your head’ and get it in front of you, so you can have a good, safe, easy, less involved look at it. Write how you want to feel, relax, focus gently on how that feeling feels. It only takes a few minutes. Pick one word, and write it, look at it, say it, feel it. Having changed your emotional state, then go back and consider - from this feeling - how does that “issue” look now? It’s much easier to see that you were just attached to one perspective. Very freeing and liberating. Remember, you are that circle around the yin & yang. Overall, you might call all of this unification. Leaving the separate self paradigm - the ideas of the one with the pressures, expectations, etc - the one with the “future” who could get “stuck” in something.....and venturing into the actuality...the real you, the wholeness, the entire experience, this actual magical now. In Truth, you - never move. You are not moving through a past, present, into a future. All that appears as changing, is merely convincing as such. However, there is only “this”. This “now” moment. Which all that comes and goes, comes and goes through - you. So relax, and be attentive to the gentility of the nature of this actuality. You are not accidental, nor is any of the unfolding. You are essential. There is no awesomeness without you.

Over the past five years I have been diving deeply and consistently into the nature of reality and myself. They're both the same thing. I have had several deep and very profound and indeed life changing nondual and psychedelic experiences at this point. I understand that everything in the totality of existence is all fundamentally and inexorably one. I have traveled to places within consciousness that are beyond the human imagination. I have had my sense of self and eradicated and reformed several times now. Looking into the viewport of infinity is indeed breathtaking beyond all comprehension. You really are absolutely infinite and so beautifully glorious beyond what our bodies and brains are physically evolved to comprehend right now. However there is something within me that is seemingly contently disinterested with phenomenological existence. I do not want to play this game anymore. I feel like no matter what I experience in this life, no matter where I go there will still always be a part of me that is just over the experience of existing as an individuation of consciousness at any level whether it be at a human level, bacterium level or godlike cybernetic alien level it’s all not the absolute truth, just more of this multiversal, multidimensional game of exploratory consciousness. After I live my life and die there is a very strong feeling at the “core” (there is no core) of my consciousness that I never want to reincarnate in any way. While that is an ego driven statement I feel that there is something within myself that this is coming from a place of much deeper much more comprehensive inner standing and understanding of phenomenological existence and it’s alternative merging COMPLETELY into God consciousness so fully that any hope or possibility of incarnation into the realm of form is entirely extinguished. No thought no mind, no form no play, simply infinite incomprehensible nothingness, the purest expression of God. Over the past year a feeling has arisen within myself that wants this life of this specific individuation of consciousness to be the last physical expression that this individuation of consciousness ever experiences. The feeling and sense of relief is what I long for. I long for the ending of all experience by this individuation. The thought of an I experiencing reality no longer is the all encompassing thing that it once was. Now the idea of an I experiencing reality seems so superficial and somewhat shallow in a sense. I enjoy life and its many phenomena but I can so clearly see ( at an increasing rate) the illusion of all of the realm of form. Expression, experience and phenomenological existence go together. And there is such a powerful longing within my energetic composition to just have relief from being, relief from form, relief from experience I feel like I have done this so many times. I feel that I have played this game an infinite number of times. Now there is a tiredness to it all. I am all,every subatomic particle, every atom, every cell, every organism in the multitude of multiverses every object in all of existence. I am the infinite Holon. I am immortal, timeless, and infinite in every way. Yet and still within this body, within this specific individuation of consciousness, within this trans-temporal energetic being I feel a strong urge to never want to return to this place. It matters not what form consciousness takes it all boils down to this. Same shit different form. You are God experiencing itself in every way that there is and isn't. After you have seen into infinity and lived in that place all of the forms become trivial they are no longer something to go after or to awe at when gazed upon. Its all infinite and there are never-ending forms but it all becomes ‘predictable’. You predict the outlandish and the mundane to the point where it becomes all just “meh” at a certain point of being blasted into infinity so many times. Viewing and being the infinite myriad of forms organisms, technologies, energies eventually it reaches a point of simply a pretty existential first person light show. The illusion is seen through and compared to truth the realm of forms and limitation becomes shallow in its substances. The transcendence of survival is a necessary place to come to in this work and an inevitable point. I have not transcended survival and am still subject to it’s whims but there are times ( and they are becoming increasingly more common) where I can get into states of consciousness where in those moments I would be 100% OK with dying. However I am only 22 years old and thus I would like to complete my bucket list before I leave this place and I have so much work to do on myself in this life; and so much more fun to have; and so many more things to explore. I do not hate life I enjoy it and all of it’s beautiful weirdness but it’s illusory nature no longer has the same charm and allure as it had before in my perception. The world of form is BS and while it is truth on a relative level it will never be the absolute truth due to the fact that life is navigating forms, whether they be physical or nonphysical. It is because of this why “I” (at a level beyond ego that is inexplicable to me currently) want out of this game at all levels permanently. You could incarnate into any multitude of alien species, Tryptamine entities, light beings, demigods, lichens, molds, insects, bacterium. While it is all you exploring and experiencing yourself once complete nondual awareness is had this experiencing looses it’s allure. It doesn't matter what form you take anymore. The destination and “point” of it all is the same. Simply put ULTIMATE UNION WITH GOD. This means a complete secession of all types of form and all types of experience, it is the embodiment and paradox of absolute nothingness. Not nonexistence, because God is infinite and thus nonexistence cannot exist; but nothingness in the sense of no longer being an individuation of consciousness bound to form and experience of any and all kind. It is this secession which is the omega point of this creation of this game. According to Buddhism the entirety of the realm of form is suffering in some way. This is Samsara. Nirvana is the release of this and the permanent secession of the individuated conscious experiencing of phenomenological existence. Absolute union with God. No more false boundaries, no more illusions. Just the simple truth. All incarnation is an infinitely intelligent yet amnesiac God exploring to know its infinite self. However there comes a point where for individuations this experiencing of fundamentally illusory forms is no longer necessary for understanding. There is a transcendent something beyond being, beyond phenomena. Phenomenological existence is not the only way that God can know itself. However it is the only way that we can know ourselves. As lifeforms we highly value life to the point of delusion. I have no way to back up what I am about to say here; but life and the totality of phenomenological existence in my experience feels like a preliminary training ground for something else. This place is illusion and with illusion comes pain and suffering in one way or another. At the end of the day all holons of existence especially organisms organisms “want” to be happy, and to know that they are God. I do wonder if there will be a point (Yes I know time does not truly exist) where all individuations of consciousness in the totality of phenomenological existence will realize and embody God consciousness and this section of the game will end. It’s just a thought I have sometimes. I know that God is infinite and thus I am infinite.

Perhaps this is how this can actually be a trap for you...where as if you face this fear head on and overcome it you will no longer cling to it. When you rest in Being, you are stilling the mind. Stilling the mind is where you will find Truth. By this we mean formlessness or nothingness. Infinity. But paradoxically infinity is not just emptiness but it is everything. When you become conscious of Truth you will relinquish your identity and with it your fears. Ultimately, of course, you will come full circle because, you were in fact always Truth even in form. You will go back to thought - to gathering thoughts and organizing them in your mind. To reflecting. But it will be different now. You will have transcended your own identity. You will be free of its clutches. You can do these things but they won't enslave you. Through this spiritual growth you can then self actualize to a much deeper level and find much deeper satisfaction from your reflections and from life itself.

No, you just havent tapped into it in your direct experience and are spreading toxic ideas confusing people on a forum instead of doing inner work. Theres no such thing as anything but yet such a thing as everything, non-duality is total nothingness and everythingness at the same time, thats the big picture here. Actuality on the contrary you are a prime example of what happens when one tries to over-intellectualize everything which clouds the ability to make spiritual growth. Which in a sense others can see what is really going on here, so carry on with your half baked ideas, and hope you find fulfillment in your life.

That’s the paradox of formlessness (awareness). It is literal nothing. You cannot point to nothing and yet it is the underlying nature of reality. Whenever one tries to talk about it yes of course duality arises. Real awareness, real formlessness, real nothingness can only be pointed to with language, and one can only become conscious of this absolute via itself. Awareness knows itself by being itself, awareness cannot point to itself. This is the key insight you misunderstand. To deny awareness is to deny your very direct experience.

natural, fresh, and whole, is a perspective, to lack something, you need an understanding of lack vs full. whole, vs empty. to see something as big you need to create a duality. between a full cup and an empty cup. from a god perspective, there is no chemical, everything come from "here" and everything is alien. food is alien, whole food is alien, looking at your hand is not physical, if you look at it for like 200 seconds, and don't try to think, you'll MAYBE get the ultimate. Then project this ultimate awareness of your hand, and imagine all "science actuality" is in fact, deeply created by minds, minds of human, that are picking tiny fragment of infinite interpretation of the nothingness. Nothingness that is all the things around you since you're "born". Until you realise ultimately that being born is aswell a thought in the now. there is food bad for some, good for others, and there is almost no way to know for sure what's good, that's the ultimate mindfuck, that's why thinking looks more & more like a tool and not like a toxic need that will help me figure out reality. It could, but for this, I need to be aware that I m handling a tool, that I m and I m not the thought. The most self belief people inflict to themself is believing being this or that, like, I m a black, I m a french, I m a dentist, those sort of things, but in nothingness that is the ultimate reality, there is no such thing, and you'll ever be nothing, just like everyone else. & a carni or vegan diet, both could be healthy or killing you, it will depend, of your personnal reaction. Poison is Cure, the cure is sometimes poison.

Love... just for the sake of it? Because its mechanism is a distraction from the pain of being all alone? Being god. Love. Because it’s fun? A challenge? a game? If love is the point, then what isn’t the point, if everything is love? Love... the continuation of “it all”? Leo how does nothingness relate to love?

Not sure where my life has been headed toward. I got out of an extremely deep and meaningful relationship in pursuit of a family about a year ago. The closest thing that I have to an objective purpose for the last 3-4 years has been to survive and reproduce. I was (probably still am) going to follow this and either have a massive family or be a sperm donor. My last girlfriend already had kids and, no matter what, I always had a resentment that another man’s kids where in her/our life. They were older and close to leaving the nest – but it was difficult. The chemistry we had was unreal. She would do anything for me, and I love(d) her. In order to make things work with her I looked into being a sperm donor, but here was a lot of legal stuff and I was unsure. I wanted to potentially have SOME sort of relationship with some of the children. Christmases without a family of my own later in life would not be easy. Most people open to this are lesbian couples who do are not going through a doctor. Eventually I found that the laws around this made things super complicated. Essentially I could possibly be sued for child support if the donation was not done through a clinic and virtually no one who is open to having the biological father be known in some capacity is open to this. I make what is (to me) a lot of money and I was afraid (still am). It’s a year later. I do not have any children and I broke up with the girl who meant so much to me. I have zero idea what I’m doing. On top of that, I just hurt my back, so I cannot workout like I usually do to have that feeling of “progressing.” I suppose that's why I'm taking the time to join this forum and putting my perspective inward. I know very little of why I should even have a purpose. Despite this I know: 1.) I should not do drugs or drink alcohol. I have an addictive personality and regardless of what I want my purpose to be, this will hinder it (unless my purpose is independent of my own self destruction.) 2.) I want to have a legacy that outlasts my material body. For some reason or another – children have been the focal point for this. 3.) I broke up with a girl that I love very much and have a deep (and maybe realistic) fear that I cannot function (sexually, romantically, spiritually) with others. Ultimately, I know that I had to have the break up. I was so resentful to the Universe for giving her children from another man. If I'm honest I probably resented her for this too, though it's not as though she had children 19 years before meeting me with ill intent. Following our relationship her ex-husband had another child, and her son had a child. Something that they probably didn’t think twice about was the meaning of my entire life. It really filled me with discontent. So now what do I do? I literally listened to nothingness this morning and sat for 20 minutes in silence. The closest thing I could get to an answer was “stay/be in the sunlight.” I think I was just cold and that was my subconscious. But I know there’s something here. I have the opportunity to work with the difficulties in life that I’m facing right now and to overcome them. I’m grateful for the opportunity but I have no idea where to go next. I’m making good money, attempting to get in great shape (though this back injury sucks) attending my AA meetings and trying to help others – but somehow I just have this lacking. I miss being in a loving relationship – and I do not see a way to have children as of now that I am fully comfortable with.

Where do brains appear? Awareness Where does the world appear? Awareness Where do mystical experiences occur? Awareness The distinction you must make is form vs. formlessness. Notice that form (physical brian states) can only interact with more form (conscious experience). But equally notice, that form cannot directly interact or manipulate formlessness (awareness). Form is great at interacting and manipulating itself, the 6 sensations (sight, taste, touch, sound, smell, mind) are all this entangled amalgamation we call reality. What you have to become conscious off is formlessness and moreover, that this formlessness is not only the underlying nature of reality, but it exists a priori to ALL forms within reality AND that form does not ever manipulate formlessness. Formlessness is infinite nothingness. Form only interacts with more form in a strange loop like manor (watch leo’s strange loop video to understand this phenomena more deeply) Sorry if this sounds redundant but Im trying to drill home this distinction is needed to understand why brains do not generate consciousness. Brains correspond with various experiences but not consciousness itself. I wont even say create conscious experiences because causality is its own rabbit hole not worth getting into.

Yes I refer to it as a pregnant nothingness. Labels and beliefs cannot attach themselves anymore because there is nothing there. Thank you so much for sharing that is an incredible story.

Hello everyone. From the beginning I apologise for my poor English.Please show me a little leniency?.My name is Constantin, im from Romania and im 47 years old.After my enlightenment experience,i start looking for more enlightened common people , I mean not like Mooji, Tolle or Adhyashanti.?.So in my searches , found Leo’s videos and after seeing his videos about enlightenment, I decided share my enlightenment experiences here.I try to be a short story ,because I don't want to bore anyone with the story of my life. For a start I will have to make a short introduction about how my spiritual journey began.So it all started at the age of 4 to 5,when the night before I fell asleep I had a “dream”. It's the “dream “I could never forget. Actually it was not a “dream “but that is how I considered it at that age.After forty years the same “dream “has been repeated quite similar .Now after forty years ,I know it wasn't a dream.Then for first time in my life , just 4-5 years old ,i experienced a powerful and authentic mystique experience, where I touched the true nature of my being. Unbelievable isn’t it? How do i know it was that ? I'll explain later when we get to this point.I continued to have a normal life until I was 23 when I discovered yoga and started practicing hatha -yoga , pranayama and meditation ,especially with the Aum mantra . I was attracted from the beginning by all that yoga means and I started reading many books of the spiritual masters like Ramana Maharishi, Nisargadatha Maharaj, Sri Aurobindu, Shivananda, Osho, etc. This is how I first heard the question "Who am I?" It was a powerful shock, because it was the first time we realized that, I am not really ,who I think I am.What do you mean I don’t know who I am ? ?You know that feeling isn’t it ?Then I made a commitment to myself, and told myself that I won't die until I find out ,who I really am. I practiced hatha yoga , pranayama and meditation for about 10 years ,with some notable results that became discontent later.I was not happy with that because ,had not reached "where" all the spiritual masters were pointing. And I decided to do nothing for a while. But this period lasted about 7 years.I was very unhappy, stressed, depressed, sometimes I didn't even want to live anymore. Nothing was linked in my life anymore and I didn't know where to start or where to go. All this time, I started to practice the introspection, self-oservation and self inquiry trying to find answers to the multitude of questions that grinded me. A good method that helped me a lot during the spiritual journey was "Neti-Neti". Meanwhile, after seeing the movie "DMT The spirit molecules”, I became very attracted to the world of psychedelics and felt that a new opportunity open up for my spiritual evolution. There followed a period when I documented how well I could ,about the magic mushrooms, lsd, dmt and ayahuasca. But the problem was now, where and how did I get these substances, because in Romania it was almost impossible at that time to find something like that.But as nothing is left to chance and as everything is interconnected, life has given me a new opportunity and I moved in London,England. Here I was able to get my lsd and Dmt and I found out ,where can I have to experience ayahuasca. I had a total of 12 experiences with lsd , one in every months. The first one was the launching pad in the infinite field of consciousness. At that time this experience completely changed my life. I remember that feeling like I was heading to death , before i take first time lsd (220 mu).. I was very scared but didint give up. I became more and more aware of thoughts, emotions ,feelings and sensations.I became contemplative and introverted. At the same time I had 6 experiences with synthetic DMT ,but to be honest I didn't like it so much,because they didn't give me time to explore the field of consciousness voluntarily.The multitude of vividly colored and fractal geometric shapes is impressive but you seem to be stuck there.It was clearly not for me, I felt that I could not use this as I wished for self discovery.The next year I found a place in Spain where I could experience ayahuasca ceremony ,and a nice surprise, 5 Meo-Dmt. It was the first time I heard of this substance. After doing my own research , I was impressed and told myself that is what I need. Although it is the most powerful drug in the world and scared me to death, my intuition told me to try it. So I went in Spain two times,where I had a total of four experiences with ayahuasca and two with 5 Meo -Dmt. An interesting thing was that, before about two weeks to experience 5 Meo -Dmt and ayahuasca, this thought appeared in my mind ,"you will gonna die". And it was repeated as a mantra ,and the more tried to avoid it or resist it, the more powerful it was.Just imagine this for while ?. From this point whole my life became “pure madness “if I think that ,with a rational and logical mind. On the other hand, if you have a radically openmind to infinity, as Leo says, everything turns into authentic spirituality. Now I have reached the point where I can explain the so-called “dream “I had when I was a kid. So we are at the moment when I have smoked 5 Meo -Dmt , we smoked because his origin it was from that frog ,bufo alvarius. I mention that ,before I smoke ,I told myself that, all I want before I die ,is to know “who I am”. Because I felt like this are the last moments i have to live.I smoke all at once, as I was instructed and I have time to sit down in a meditation posture just about 5 seconds. I was instantly absorbed into an infinite and empty space.Everything was of a light darkness and in every direction I looked was without limits. Time was gone. It was just an eternal moment. An absolute quietness was everywhere.There was no trace of “I “ like self ,physical body, thoughts ,emotions or sensations .I just exist, I was pure existence.I was simply enjoying my own existence.Suddenly I was absorbed again into a small space like an atom but accompanied by the same infinity, lack of time and form,like one moment ago. I was eternal.I was an endless ocean of pure joy and happiness. In fact this was the taste that I had left afterwards, the taste of Eternity.The whole experience lasted about 45 minutes, afterward I practically began to feel as I entered the physical body as in some clothes. I translated different specific energetic bodies ,until i got to the physical body. It was a very painful emotional return. I felt that ,I did not want to comeback to the physical body, but i can’t do nothing against. Who want to comeback from Eternity? I lay down on the floor in the newborn position and started crying for a few moments. I don’t know why? I felt clear how all this was prepared for me ( as a person) beforehand,it could not have happened otherwise. Now ,if we remove just the part whit the comeback for the trip ,how you can describe this trip when you are child ?? Even like adult , when you suppose to know everything, How you describe indescribable ? It was dream? It was samadhi? It was a meeting with God? It was awakening? It was enlightening experience? What happened 8 hours later was even more unbelievable. So 8 hours later at midnight ,the ayahuasca ceremony took place . During the trip with ayahuasca, i had a flashback quite similar with 5 Meo -Dmt but with a strong infusion of Dmt vivid visons from ayahuasca brew.This time because the journey with ayahuasca lasts between 4-6 hours ,was much too much for me.I felt like it would never end.. As I closed my eyes I began to enter an infinite game of creation.I witnessed an endless creation of universe that unfolds with an indescribable speed. Panic began to dominate me. Me like a person did not control that . I went and woke up one of the people who watched us during the ayahuasca ceremony.. I tried to explain to her what was going on with me but I saw how helpless she was in helping me.The only thing I could do was give up myself to the situation.To be honest ,how can someone help you in this situation.? She stayed up with me all night and until 10 o'clock in the morning.She talked and walked with me outside in the garden all this time trying keep me here on earth. I had lost my entire egotic identity, now i am just Pure Presence. I was omnipresent and omnipotent. You know this infinite power scare you , if you’re not ready yet for her .After a period of time I became aware of the physical body ,but with great efforts and at the same time, I think due to the decrease of the dmt dose in my body system. I remember one time when I went to bathroom, I looked in the mirror to see if I still have my face.?.In the afternoon I tried to sleep a bit but couldn’t., my mind had become infinite, and this power that was present in me did not let me sleep.That strong energy was still present in the body ,couple days afterward. Like I was connected to a nuclear power plant. My mind was fucked up. Every vision I had blow my mind. I never thought someone can experience something like this. So now I ask you ,when you think the Awakening took place ?? When I was a child or two years ago when happened what I talking about?? Tricky , weird and amazing in the same time isn ‘t it. You remember that stupid thought, that totally upset me and got me scared ,“ I will gonna die”? Now it's gone by itself. You know why.? Because I was really fucking dead. Of course, I could write more in detail, but I tried to extract only the essentials. What I experienced directly in about 24 hours ,under the influence of this amazing technology that is 5 Meo Dmt and ayahuasca ,can never be accurately described. And not because we do not have the necessary resource, but because we are the resource itself. How you can describe , indescribable.? You can’t. In fact Here is nothing to be described. So what followed in the next two years after and until today, is a intense process which led me to enlightenment and in which all knowledge must be incorporated into daily life. Now I will tell you what happens in the next two years after the spiritual awakening.After this deep awakening, at a distance of a month and a half, I experienced the second ceremony with ayahuasca and 5 Meo Dmt, in the same place in Spain.There is a lot to say about the second experience with 5 Meo-Dmt, but maybe another time.After all this I decided to start meditating again, because I still had doubts about the method by which the spiritual awakening took place.I still couldn't believe that psychedelics can do so. Mostly it was due to my deep rooted belief ,that spiritual awakening can only take place just through the traditional methods,like meditation, self- enquiring, contemplation.I was wrong, they working better together. A single experience with 5 Meo -dmt makes ten years of yoga and meditation no longer matter.But yoga istill counts as the foundation of any psychedelic experience.Because if the foundation is not good then the house is ruined. If you want real progress, on the spiritual path, this combination of traditional yogic methods and psychedelic could be the ideal method, if you have an open mind ,of course . After the awakening experience, I became very conscious and reach a high level of consciousness ,this helped me a lot in practicing meditation effortless All this time I saw again after many years a lot of the teachings of Mooji, Adhyashanti, Sadhguru, I saw the whole category with films about enlightenment, non-duality, meditation and not only on Leo's blog. I read again a lot of books of Ramana Maharshi, Nisarghadata Maharaj,, Eckhart Tolle, Lao Tzu,books like Vivekachundamani,Yoga Vasistha,Baghavad Gita, Patanjali- Yoga Sutra,documents about Wei-Wu-Wei, zen buddism,holographic reallity ,non -duality. I suck all the information like a sponge, because now I understand everything, and everything makes sense.The meditation session were initially about 40-45 minutes ,after which they rose at one and a half hours and later ,at three and a half hours. I started meditating again with the mantra Aum, but soon I replaced the mantra with a method taken from the book Vijnana Bairava Tantra. This technique involves following the breaks between thoughts ,and penetrating through this pause beyond the mind in absolute silence. This is an advanced technique, but wasn’t a problem for me. I felt that I needed a very powerful method to invest whole the spiritual energy, that I had accumulated from previous experiences .This technique implies a very good concentration and the power of observing thoughts without identifying with them. Basically you are always careful not to cling to any thought, always remaining in the void between thoughts.At the beginning, of course, the pause is practically unobservable or very small, let's say for a second, but as you progress in practicing it the pause will get bigger and bigger.Virtually all you have to do is to be careful that every time you notice that you are clinging to a thought, you will remember and return to the void between them.And at the master's level of technique you will remain absorbed in the pause between two thoughts, which have now increased considerably, regardless of the flow of thoughts running in the background. An advice, don’t trust in your rational mind. Three or four months later after I started to practice this technique, during a meditation, I suddenly began to hear an inner sound.This sound cannot be described in words, others called it "the music of the spheres", but I called it "the sound of absolute quietness ". Of course, silence cannot be a sound in a rational explanation, but this is a paradox.Have you ever tried to listen the silence ? You will be surprised when you understand that ,here is nothing just Absolute Silence. I was surprised by his appearance ,and in the first phase, I did not understand his meaning. Then I realized that this is the reward of my work. I had passed beyond my mind. I had passed through the void between thoughts in the Infinite Emptyness. From this point, my meditation turned into absorption into Infinite Tranquility. Thus I understood that sound was a huge help in my meditations. In fact I was doing nothing ,but sit and listen to the “sound of quietness “.And I continued to meditate until ,I realized the true nature of my being. .Only in absolute tranquility the light of the True Self can be seen. To be able to understand that ,,I am a Pure Consciousness.”, I must gave up even this divine sound , (don’t understand wrong sound is here , he can’t go anywhere ?) Now i am aware about my awareness. In these last two years I have had many illuminating experiences( satori) on different levels of understanding. Do you know that “ A-HA” moment which every enlightened being talking about, is so very thrut ,profund and simple. This is the reason why is called “A-HA” , because is so simple.What is Real Self ?, what is Reality?, or what mean enlightenment? Is nothing you can imagine or thinking. It’s beyond your imagination. Because whatever you will imagine ,you already are.Here exist just one infinite reality, that is Reality of I AM . To this Reality you cannot give it any form and no name, and no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to comprehend its infinity in any form, regardless of its nature. I have even experienced the awakening of the kundalini energy, for four times. Years ago I was curious to experience this, after reading the stories of others. I didn't ask for that, but my intuition was telling me it was going to happen.But now after it happened to me ,I’m not sure if I would like to experimence again anymore. I did not know never when it will happen, but when he woke up it completely paralyzed me. It is so strong that I remained with the jaws clenched , I had the impression that my teeth would break. My mind was stuck, my whole body was vibrating strongly and I could do nothing but observe how this energy walks through my body like a snake. Yes indeed, was feeling like a real snake inside my body , making space through my head. It was so terrifying the first time,after that I started getting used to it a bit.But if I add the element of surprise, that I never knew when the next time would be ,and under what conditions it will happen, nothing changes much ?.These traditionally techniques boosted with lsd, ayahuasca, dmt and 5-meo-dmt , make me feel like a rocket that did not deviate from its path to Mars. It's the best combination ever.It doesn't matter that I am involved in daily activities or not, that I meditate or sleep, that I have sex or watch a movie, that I contemplate or think, I am present Here and Now .Finally I transcended the mind, Now I am this Infinite Monolithic Presence.I am the center, that has no center. I am beyond all Gods who have ever existed and will ever exist.I am a Pure Being. I will share with you ,two things that others call paranormal powers (siddhis), they are like a gift received for my work. 1. Now I am so concious, that no thought, emotion or feeling that appears on the screen of the mind ,can’t pass unnoticed and of course that, I do not identify with anything. They can no longer cling to me.The strongest laughter I have ever had and I still have , when I see how rationally mind and thoughts work and how they can create an identity where there is none. You understand how unbiased you must be with yourself and others to have this laugh? To laugh at your own thoughts and not to believe them?. That mean zero judgement. Doesn’t matter mind is active or not,I am always the invisible still witness, which rest on highest level of consciousness of myself . I am Here in this Present Moment,always . Can you imagine what it is like to remain still and silent in the midst of a mental storm of daily life,for a day? Or for a week? Do you can imagine how is to use mind just when you need? 2. Now I can be in any body I want, I can practically feel what it is like to be in another body and have a different shape. I can be you, no matter how you look and who you think you are.I can feel through your body. I can take any form and feel what it is like to be any form. I am anything ,everything and nothing simultaneously. Now there is no difference between me and the others, because there is no "me" and no "the others". Here only One and Infinite Consciousness exists.They call that Omnipresence. They are permanent state of “mine”. But i am so aware about that ,even these high states cannot define me, because I am the Pure Being from whom nothing can be attached. I am in a state without any state. I am Nothingness . I just exist. I hope this example will motivate and keep you on the spiritual path to the end. However, all that I have written here is not real and ultimate true, you no need to believe me. Do your own research and then open it for the Ultimate Truth to fill you..This is a dream that is part of another bigger dream, which in turn is part of another biggest dream, and that goes on into an infinitely fractalic dream..Here exist only One and Absolute Reality ,and it cannot be expressed by any form of expression. IT JUST IS. Thank you everyone.?

Because God would then become a 'thing', something that can be worshipped. Try to worship emptiness/nothingness, you will always fail. You are free, so be free. That's the whole point of religion.

Real ADHD is a bitch. Living in a western society and going through the scholastic system with ADHD, regardless of whether or not you’re on medication, is a bitch. Spiritual work, and specifically meditation, with ADHD can seem like the most impossible task, considering that the majority of what spiritual practice is is cultivating the discpline and art of paying attention. What could be more of a nightmare for someone with ADHD then to sit down, shut, don’t move, and pay attention even when what you’re focusing on has no interest to you for long periods of time? I was on ADHD medication from the age of 6 till 22 until I went cold turkey (DON’T DO THAT!) and never went back on. Since that time I’ve struggled with energy problems, had to cut out certain foods once I got off because for one reason or another they just would train wreck my nervous system (it would feel like pouring water onto a circuit board), and had even less capacity to tolerate spiritual practices. Though there was an adjustment over time, I had to find for myself ways through experimentation ways of being to sit down and meditate and train my mind. I tried nootropics for a bit but, for those that have been on medication for a LONG time (I’d say beyond 10 years), you know how easy and quickly the body adapts to such short cuts. I was tired of using pills and shortcuts that didn’t work long term. Then I started experimenting with feeling my body, Reichian therapy, the release of energetic blockages where I hold a lot of my psychosomatic trauma and all of a sudden I would find myself in states of deep samadhi with little to no effort. How? A mind/body holding in emotions/tension/energy is a mind that can’t stop thinking. Release that and the mind will quiet. For those who feel great quietness of mind after a cathartic emotional release from a lot of crying or therapy session know what I’m talking about. Somewhat recently I video chatted with one of the highest Zen masters in the West (I’d argue the world), Doshin Roshi. As Ken Wilber puts it “Doshin is one of the most accomplished spiritual teachers on the planet.” Though I’m now part of Doshins Integral Zen sangha here in Boulder/Denver, I had the opportunity to video chat with him before I moved here back in early August. I explained my struggles with my practice because of my ADHD and he cut me off and said “I have ADHD and OCD. Don’t mean nothing,” followed by a hearty laugh. Left speechless, I took him up on that and that maybe I was just making excuses for not just continuing to find what it is I’m doing wrong in my practice. Boy was he right. Now I want to give credit where credit is due to @ardacigin where he talked a lot about Culadasas approach to teaching meditation and Arda gave an outline of the progression of practice along with a very detailed explanation of the how it is this works, why it works, and why this outline is important. I bought the Mind Illumibated on Kindle and by the time I finished reading what Culadasa calls the first stage of practice and immediately tried it out, within 5 minutes I FINALLY could hold access concentration. Totally blown away I kept doing it and was able to sustain it longer and longer and longer. This is being done by someone that dropped out of college because he couldn’t pay attention (and more stuff). So, what exactly did I do? Do NOT make the intent to hold your focus. Yes you read that right. That is NOT the goal. The goal is simply to remember whenever your mind wanders off and gently bring it back every time. If your mind is going so crazy you can bring it back, remain in the same posture but just take some time to regather, then resume when ready. Why do you not just go for yoking your attention? Because if you’re still struggling to maintain focus, you can’t force because the very “act” of forcing is a thought itself. Concentration develops on its own. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THIS. I am blown away at how this is working. So in conclusion, if you have ADHD, I don’t think you necessarily need to go about the route of paying for excessive nootropics or neurofeedback. I no longer subscribe to ADHD being a reason you can’t progress without special something that necessarily costs thousands of dollars to fix. Da Vinci was enlightened and realized the nature of Nothingness and he had terrible ADHD. There are Zen masters of the highest order who have it. I think it takes a matter of working with emotions, your nervous system, and the right practice. I recommend you read The Mind Illuminated. Look into traditional Hatha yoga practices before you get steeped into Kriya. Look into releasing energetic/emotional/neuromuscular tension built up. And most importantly, I suggest you take responsibility and start. If you want Truth, you want to go as far as you can with this path? Stop talking shit about how much you want it. DO IT. Figure it out. Stop theorizing. Stop neurotically analyzing. Spend the majority of your time practicing and contemplating. You don’t even necessarily need high concentration to realize who and what you are. Find what works for you. Nothing that is effective is done because you follow a certain system. Systems are bullshit and a waste of time if they don’t work for you. Find what works for you or create what works for you. If you need to meditate in intervals, meditate in intervals. If you need to give verbal reminders to yourself and break your outer silence while you meditate to console yourself, provide determination and discpline, or just regather yourself, give yourself verbal reminders. If you don’t know what to do, talk to enlightened masters. They are available. You even know of them. Do you email Ralston? Do you email or get in contact with guys like Martin Ball? Do you message other yogis and other such people? From the fantasy I see on here regarding what you think enlightened people are like, the answer I would give would be no and that’s just insane. These people are available to help you. They even WANT to help you and give you their perspective. They will help dispel fantasies and just downright bullshit. They will give you tips and even provide encouragement and hook you up with connections. You need to be responsible for your own awakening because no one else is going get you to awaken but you. No guru is going to do it. You and only you can. Who else could do it? Done.

Seeking to understand the process is fine... it's when you believe you have found the answer in some external form that is the problem. The reason why all the great Masters have said go within.....is because it quite literally is a falling away process of your false self, and the realization of your true self which is actually nothing. When you strip away all the onion layers and labels you have allowed yourself to believe you will realize the nothingness which is left over. Here is something I found describing what I'm describing: Enlightenment is devastatingly simple....Enlightenment is what we are. There is nothing to gain, only its recognition....Awakening to enlightenment is a journey from here to here, not from here to there. There is nowhere to go and nothing to be attained. Enlightenment is simply an awakening to what has always been the case. There is only the seeing through of our own ignorance. --Gary Crowley