Search the Community

@GromHellScream ? Noted. You’re on my list of selves to dial into. Hopefully it turns out to be you you Lol Ethan’s life is quasi-normal Lol He attends the University of Oklahoma as a Philosophy major and student-athlete (gymnast). He watches YouTube, movies and TV shows in his free time. Sophisticated stuff like Science or History Channel shows but also more crude stuff like Family Guy, American Dad, Rick & Morty etc. He hangs out with some friends and teammates. He’ll drink occasionally at parties but has only gotten black-out drunk once. He usually just shoots for a nice buzz rather than getting drunk Lol That’s about where the normalcy ends... Ethan’s not a virgin but he’s never had a girlfriend. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because other people have a hard time relating to him. Relationships are built on the root word relate for a reason. It’s difficult to build up relationships with people who can’t relate with who you are. The reason that most people are unable to relate to Ethan isn’t because he constantly brings up existential topics. Ethan has tried to act as “normal” as possible around other people but his vibe is so strange and different that they get an immediate sense of something unknown from him. He knows this because he’s asked friends about what sort of vibe he gives off and his own parents have always jokingly called him an alien. Even his friends referred to him as an alien before they ever even heard him talk about existential topics. Nobody says these things with negative connotation. Ethan’s friends and family love him and show him respect but at the same time, they just don’t know what to make of him. But, Ethan is making more and more connections and relating to people on more and more levels to take care of this. There’s deeper strangeness in his life but this post is already long and I don’t want to bog you down with too much here. But feel free to ask me more anytime! I’m always down to get to know people? As for your last question: Yes, some of these other lives are concrete and physical in the same way your life is. Some are lighter and less physical while other are even heavier and more tangible. There’s infinitely many degrees of this tangibility and how real each life can feel

I hope I recall the exercise correctly otherwise I want to first reflect upon my small decision I made yesterday and that I in general feel more happy working and being at the workplace then being at home or in my home town. So I deleted all games again from my laptop and will care more about things that are fun to me that I feel, like reading a bit, journaling, programming etc. So, I can work on these things including the gym and ideally also find a routine that is not 1h long. (The more toxic video games that where I am not consciouess enough...) I also found a psychdelic that "should" still be legal here in Germany through the forum here and a quick search, yet I will postpone all of this because of my bachelors degree. I dont think it is wise or smart to do this when nothing of it is done and I need a week or longer to recover when a normal video can knock me out for 2 days. There will be some video games that I still will be playing since I dont know what else to do with my time here there are no proper hobbies or distractions that I could start such as going to the museum or smth similar. ( And they are more conscious like Divinity 2 Original Sins) So the task was to observe microfears for a week ? Not sure anymore about macrofears. I figure most wont do this, I wrote down my fears in my physical journal and I dont have it with me now so I will write down my macro fears here and will do a quick rewatch of the task. I will write down my macrofears here first from what I can recall and new fears. - Fear of failure - Fear of being ridiculed - Fear of being great - Fear of performance - Fear of looking stupid - Fear of wasps... - Fear of my own power - Fear of my own anger and impulsivness - Fear of darkness - Fear of my illusions - Fear of pain !! - Fear of overcoming obstacles - Fear of death - Fear of life itself - Fear of being inferior - Fear of being incompetent - Fear of being not intelligent - Fear of feeling vulnerable - Fear of being better than others and showing it openly - Fear greater people diminishing me - Fear of feeling small - Fear of not being satisfied - Fear of boredom - Fear of showing up - Fear of being alien to others - Fear of showing my highly compassionate nature - Fear of being a kid - Fear of excitement - Fear of being couragous - Fear of being seen as weird - Fear of being a nerd - Fear of racism - Fear of ethnocentrism - Fear of "pultocracy" or yuppies who do everything to gain status - Fear of modern family lol Microfears: - Fear of getting to know people - Fear of people recognizing me - Fear of social rejection - Fear of talking to people - Fear of being made fun out of - Fear of not getting enough sleep - Fear of not being good enough - Fear of rash decision which are made against me - Fear of the reperucssions of my actions - Fear of women making me feel inferior because I am a minority - Fear of being treated unjustly - Fear of eating unhealthy foods - Fear of eating to much meat - Fear of not eating healthy enough - Fear of not making any progress - Fear of stagnation - Fear of feeling overwhelmed - Fear of not doing enough work - Fear of not having enough fun - Fear of missing out - Fear of not taking action to travel more - Fear of to much safety - Fear of specific people with names - Fear of being seen as to weak - Fear of not persevering - Fear of projection - Fear of being misunderstood - Fear of people liking me - Fear of abusing my power and control over others - Fear of having to much impact - Fear of correcting and critizing others - Fear of causing drama - Fear of drama causing people This is enough the day is not even over and I listed all of this what I feel and felt in general through out the day toady and the years before. How are these microfears related to my identity ? They make me feel identified with the particular pain that I feel and therefore create a body mind concept, meaning, thought, feeling and the sensation itself build the identity, it is constructed in that particular way and by witnessing it it is actively deconstrcuted as well as the debris of the deconstruction shows what has been constructed in the first place. So, how else are they related ? To my behaviour, to me perception of myself, to the people I attract and what I avoid and how I see myself. How are my thoughts shaped by fear ? They are shaped by fear in a way which makes me feel depressed, avoidant, angry, resentfull, bitter, hateful, arrogant, spiteful, complacent, justified, vulnerable, despondent, deeply in pain, tortured, and they shape these feelings, they generate a victim mentallity that wants to sustain itself and when noting it it even hurts sometimes. What am I unwilling to experience ? Pain, uncomfortablness, exctasy, bliss, dying, death, justified hatred, vulnerability, tears of release and joy and pain, emotional freedom. Note: I decided to split up my meditation sessions into two times 30 minutes one time mindfulness and the other time behaviour change meditation and try this structure now, to change behaviour.

@Waken No problem. Let me know if you have any more questions! @traveler There have been times where he’s lost motivation. A lot of feelings like that came up for him throughout the Fall of 2017 (when he was 19). During those months, he was just floating through existence. He didn’t turn nihilistic or violent. He still treated everybody respectfully because he felt them (whichever them they were). However, the lack of motivation, ironically, came from that drive to treat people well and make their lives as good as possible. With this experience of Me, Ethan’s always trying to dial in on more parts of Me and erase the suffering in their lives. However, the reality that I have infinitely many facets to dial into and, as such, have too many for all of them to ever be dialed into came crashing down on him. He always knew that but now it was something he focused on. This is when he felt the emptiness and lack of motivation. No matter how many parts of Me are made blissful - even if it’s infinitely many - there’s always going to be infinitely many more left to work on. Again, Ethan didn’t stop treating people well just because of this lack of direction. In fact, this is what helped him find purpose again. He realized that no matter how he felt, he was always going to be this way. Treating people respectfully was second nature to him and nothing, not even lack of meaning, stopped him. The meaning he chose to follow at that point was to keep playing the role of Ethan and keep maximizing bliss within Myself. I may never fully be blissful, but this never-ending Game of expanding it further and further will always keep me purposeful. So to your question of whether this feels like freedom or an infinite trap, it feels like both. Infinity, by nature, is inescapable. Yet, it’s inescapable because it’s boundless. So from the perspective of its inescapability, it’s a prison. However, the reason for its inescapibility (its Infinity) literally makes it free beyond limits. As for teachers in this plane (like the ones you mentioned but also alien teachers) Ethan doesn’t listen to them to learn anything new. If he does that, he finds himself utterly bored. However, when he listens to them just to immerse in the nature of spirituality and existence (like being immersed in poetry) he finds enjoyment.

Yes, because there is no better place to be. Every life has some pros and cons. But ultimately everything is equal, because everything is One. Being limited human is not worse than being limited alien with 10 dicks and 30 hands . Or being Angel is not better than being Human.

@MuddyBoots And that's the problem. Being "enlightened" is actually being more lost than being unconscious. You'll comprehend that sentence AFTER your 387th insight . The world around you, society, money system, jobs etc are not made for awakened people... I have been searching for happiness, but found Truth instead ...Truth does not mean happiness. Many teachers said Don't confuse Truth for happiness. And I did that very thing and than I was disappointed after. Awakened, but still in limited human form, feels like being an alien in today's world, where 99,999 people around you are unconscious. Helping others may be a Trap. It's a paradox. many times by helping others you are preventing them to learn their lesson from their suffering. Being "healer" is in many cases a trap in my opinion. I need ordinary people to put me back on track being normal human again.

1. Come up I was laying in bed with an eye mask on, listening to the John Hopkins spotify playlist through headphones. Pretty soon I was tearing up a bit by the music. But after a while I stopped paying attention to the music and instead was confronted by the strange and alien seeming situation that I was in - I was a biological creature needing to drink and eat, a young man laying in bed high on acid listening to classical music, the son of a single parent mother who is in a different country, a brother of two siblings. All of this seemingly obvious observations and facts, suddenly turned into an alien whirlpool of random thoughts that I had no connection to, I could not relate to them anymore. 2. Confusion Suddenly I had no idea why I am in this situation. Why did I take acid? Why am I listening to strange sounding music that I enjoyed just a few minutes ago? Why am I so confused? I had zero context to what I was doing or why. It seemed completely bizarre. I had no ground, nothing I could be sure of, everything seemed alien, even the thought that I am part of a family. It felt like something has slowly showed a crowbar into my mind and then, with a sudden jerky movement clamped it sideways. I tried to get a grip on reality by thinking about my little brother which normally brings about positive, warm associations in me - but not this time, I felt like a cold alien creature. I tried to eat the food that I love most, delicious mango - but it tasted like soap. 3. Psychotic reaction I was confused beyond comprehension. I thought that I must have taken something that was not real AL-LAD, something that fucked up my psyche, because this experience seemed to have no beneficial elements at all. I had no insights, no emotional releases just stupid confusion. It felt unbearable, I was convinced that "I did it this time". I have come to the logical conclusion that I must have taken a substance from a untrustworthy source (even though a tested the substance) and that I am legitimately mad now. At this point I had no hope that things can get better, I accepted that my life is over and that I will be in a madhouse from now on. I knew that I am not able to take responsibility for my own survival anymore and that I should contact a friend who can bring me into a hospital and help to distribute my materialistic possessions to my family members. 4. I called a friend By a miracle I managed to use a smartphone to call a friend to put the responsibility on her to hospitalize me. I was talking completely gibberish which made her laugh. For me it seemed rude that she laughed at my condition but it helped me a lot to hear her voice and to see her face (video chat). After about one hour of total confusion and alienation from everything I began to notice that by talking to her I was slowly regaining my cognitive abilities and after two hours I felt quite normal again and could laugh about it. 5. What was that? I don't know what to make out of this trip. Was the dose too high which caused my ego to snap? This theme of confusion is something that is recurring in some of my trips, this time it was by far the most intense. Some trips are very insightful and healing but sometimes it is just confusion. Do you have any similar experiences?

Do you have any experience with that? I get your point, but why not get lost in some other dimensions and talk with alien's. Is like getting lost and chasing girls. I may wanna get lost and learn pickup this year. For no apparent reason just for "me" When i study this i can not be as mindfull , i see that , i start searching for meening. //////////// Anyway is all bullshit, but i will like to have sex tonight. And enjoy my meal. Or Maybe go live in a cave. I understand that that's the base line of still remaining a living organism. The basic stuff. You are right, but we are not supposed to dig into this bullshit?

Perhaps she is an embodiment of the message she brings forward. To go forward, despite fear and doubt. That is the Warriors way. For a sorcerer, reality, or the world we all know, is only a description that has been pounded into you from the moment you were born. The reality of our day-to-day life, then, consists of an endless flow of perceptual interpretations which we have learned to make in common. I am teaching you how to see as opposed to merely looking, and stopping the world is the first step to seeing. The sorcerer's description of the world is perceivable. But our insistence on holding on to our standard version of reality renders us almost deaf and blind to it. When you begin this teaching, there is another reality, that is to say, there is a sorcery description of the world, which you do not know. As a sorcerer and a teacher, I am teaching you that description. What I am doing with you consists, therefore, in setting up that unknown reality by unfolding its description, adding increasingly more complex parts as you go along. In order to arrive at seeing one first has to stop the world. Stopping the world is indeed an appropriate rendition of certain states of awareness in which the reality of everyday life is altered because the flow of interpretation, which ordinarily runs uninterruptedly, has been stopped by a set of circumstances alien to that flow. In this case the set of circumstances alien to our normal flow of interpretations is the sorcery description of the world. The precondition for stopping the world is that one has to be convinced; in other words, one has to learn the new description in a total sense, for the purpose of pitting it against the old one, and in that way break the dogmatic certainty, which we all share, that the validity of our perceptions, or our reality of the world, is not to be questioned. After stopping the world the next step is seeing. By that I mean what could be categorized as responding to the perceptual solicitations of a world outside the description we have learned to call reality. A man goes to knowledge as he goes to war, wide awake, with fear, with respect, and with absolute assurance. Going to knowledge or going to war in any other manner is a mistake, and whoever makes it will live to regret his steps. When a man has fulfilled those four requisites there are no mistakes for which he will have to account; under such conditions his acts lose the blundering quality of a fool's acts. If such a man fails, or suffers a defeat, he will have lost only a battle, and there will be no pitiful regrets over that. * * * A man of knowledge is one who has followed truthfully the hardships of learning, a man who has, without rushing or without faltering, gone as far as he can in unravelling the secrets of power and knowledge. To become a man of knowledge one must challenge and defeat his four natural enemies. When a man starts to learn, he is never clear about his objectives. His purpose is faulty; his intent is vague. He hopes for rewards that will never materialize for he knows nothing of the hardships of learning. He slowly begins to learn--bit by bit at first, then in big chunks. And his thoughts soon clash. What he learns is never what he pictured, or imagined, and so he begins to be afraid. Learning is never what one expects. Every step of learning is a new task, and the fear the man is experiencing begins to mount mercilessly, unyieldingly. His purpose becomes a battlefield. And thus he has stumbled upon the first of his natural enemies: fear! A terrible enemy--treacherous, and difficult to overcome. It remains concealed at every turn of the way, prowling, waiting. And if the man, terrified in its presence, runs away, his enemy will have put an end to his quest and he will never learn. He will never become a man of knowledge. He will perhaps be a bully, or a harmless, scared man; at any rate, he will be a defeated man. His first enemy will have put an end to his cravings. It is not possible for a man to abandon himself to fear for years, then finally conquer it. If he gives in to fear he will never conquer it, because he will shy away from learning and never try again. But if he tries to learn for years in the midst of his fear, he will eventually conquer it because he will never have really abandoned himself to it. Therefore he must not run away. He must defy his fear, and in spite of it he must take the next step in learning, and the next, and the next. He must be fully afraid, and yet he must not stop. That is the rule! And a moment will come when his first enemy retreats. The man begins to feel sure of himself. His intent becomes stronger. Learning is no longer a terrifying task. When this joyful moment comes, the man can say without hesitation that he has defeated his first natural enemy. It happens little by little, and yet the fear is vanquished suddenly and fast. Once a man has vanquished fear, he is free from it for the rest of his life because, instead of fear, he has acquired clarity--a clarity of mind which erases fear. By then a man knows his desires; he knows how to satisfy those desires. He can anticipate the new steps of learning and a sharp clarity surrounds everything. The man feels that nothing is concealed. And thus he has encountered his second enemy: Clarity! That clarity of mind, which is so hard to obtain, dispels fear, but also blinds. It forces the man never to doubt himself. It gives him the assurance he can do anything he pleases, for he sees clearly into everything. And he is courageous because he is clear, and he stops at nothing because he is clear. But all that is a mistake; it is like something incomplete. If the man yields to this make-believe power, he has succumbed to his second enemy and will be patient when he should rush. And he will fumble with learning until he winds up incapable of learning anything more. His second enemy has just stopped him cold from trying to become a man of knowledge. Instead, the man may turn into a buoyant warrior, or a clown. Yet the clarity for which he has paid so dearly will never change to darkness and fear again. He will be clear as long as he lives, but he will no longer learn, or yearn for, anything. He must do what he did with fear: he must defy his clarity and use it only to see, and wait patiently and measure carefully before taking new steps; he must think, above all, that his clarity is almost a mistake. And a moment will come when he will understand that his clarity was only a point before his eyes. And thus he will have overcome his second enemy, and will arrive at a position where nothing can harm him anymore. This will not be a mistake. It will not be only a point before his eyes. It will be true power. He will know at this point that the power he has been pursuing for so long is finally his. He can do with it whatever he pleases. His ally is at his command. His wish is the rule. He sees all that is around him. But he has also come across his third enemy: Power! Power is the strongest of all enemies. And naturally the easiest thing to do is to give in; after all, the man is truly invincible. He commands; he begins by taking calculated risks, and ends in making rules, because he is a master. A man at this stage hardly notices his third enemy closing in on him. And suddenly, without knowing, he will certainly have lost the battle. His enemy will have turned him into a cruel, capricious man, but he will never lose his clarity or his power. A man who is defeated by power dies without really knowing how to handle it. Power is only a burden upon his fate. Such a man has no command over himself, and cannot tell when or how to use his power. Once one of these enemies overpowers a man there is nothing he can do. It is not possible, for instance, that a man who is defeated by power may see his error and mend his ways. Once a man gives in he is through. If, however, he is temporarily blinded by power, and then refuses it, his battle is still on. That means he is still trying to become a man of knowledge. A man is defeated only when he no longer tries, and abandons himself. He has to come to realize that the power he has seemingly conquered is in reality never his. He must keep himself in line at all times, handling carefully and faithfully all that he has learned. If he can see that clarity and power, without his control over himself, are worse than mistakes, he will reach a point where everything is held in check. He will know then when and how to use his power. And thus he will have defeated his third enemy. The man will be, by then, at the end of his journey of learning, and almost without warning he will come upon the last of his enemies: Old age! This enemy is the cruelest of all, the one he won't be able to defeat completely, but only fight away. This is the time when a man has no more fears, no more impatient clarity of mind--a time when all his power is in check, but also the time when he has an unyielding desire to rest. If he gives in totally to his desire to lie down and forget, if he soothes himself in tiredness, he will have lost his last round, and his enemy will cut him down into a feeble old creature. His desire to retreat will overrule all his clarity, his power, and his knowledge. But if the man sloughs off his tiredness, and lives his fate though, he can then be called a man of knowledge, if only for the brief moment when he succeeds in fighting off his last, invincible enemy. That moment of clarity, power, and knowledge is enough. Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. This question is one that only a very old man asks. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you. Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path. A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it. I have told you that to choose a path you must be free from fear and ambition. The desire to learn is not ambition. It is our lot as men to want to know. The path without a heart will turn against men and destroy them. It does not take much to die, and to seek death is to seek nothing. For me there is only the traveling on the paths that have a heart, on any path that may have a heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge for me is to traverse its full length. And there I travel--looking, looking, breathlessly. From: http://www.prismagems.com/castaneda/donjuan1.html That is why this woman gets it. It's not just about the men.

@howdoistopobsessing I think I understand you immensely. The confusion, the indecision, the uncertainty, the fear, the paralysis, the stagnation. Not knowing which path is right, not wanting to commit down the wrong path, the differing of perspectives, contrasting sources saying to do various things. The fears on reality being sasdistic, god being an alien, enlightenment being wrong. I also thought I was the only one. There is a solution however. Regarding the confusion --> journal, research, comtemplate, post to these forums (what you are doing now), etc. Also it seems as if there is the issue of fearing that god is limiting you and also the issue of being afraid of negative consequences of a path and indecision.. For the issue of god limiting you After researching/learning/trying to understand, the next thing is just testing these fears to see if they are true For the issue on indecision I recommend watching Leo's video on "How to deal with confusion" I also recommend taking action regardless of these fears The only thing you can do is take action based on what you know is the best path at the moment, there is no way to know the perfect path right now Know for every practice, even meditation, even self-inquiry, even exercise there will be people who claim it is bad/negative, you just have to use your best judgement to choose whether you are going to do it or not. But don't let your ego trick you into inaction do something Regarding the Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Ji of Art of Living meditation in person, it is rare to have some profound effects after meditating for a short period. I recommend tomorrow you start 1-3 practices. It can be meditation, wim hof method, approaching females, etc. It can be from the list at the bottom of this link https://www.actualized.org/start. Determine to do these practices for a month (or less if that seems daunting) and see if anything improves (Spoiler alert: It will)

Co Author of CHANCE and CHOICE explains in a concise article the Gurdjieff idea of our multiplicity. The Problem of the Subtle Sybil Effect By: R.C.L. The underlying reason the big questions are so difficult to answer is ultimately personal ñ we are swamped in a plethora of identities, most of them false. These false personas were imposed upon us from the outside by society and from the inside by our own muddled thinking. For most of us there is no single unified self, no uniform field of continuous consciousness. Our "common sense" notion to the contrary, that we are one person with a singular identity, is based on a false assumption. In the words of psychologist Charles Tart, Ph.D.: We just assume that a given person is relatively consistent with himself, that he constitutes one person with various characteristics, traits, and so on. Thus you call yourself by one name, with the implication that you are indeed one person even though you have a range of moods and feelings. .... we actually have many quite discrete subpersonalities, each of which calls itself "I" when it happens to be activated by appropriate environmental stimuli, but we have no unity of personality at all except in the sense that all the various subpersonalities are associated with the same physical body and name. (1) As Professor Tart and many others have found, by the time we become adults our identity is disjointed, fragmented, perhaps even fractal, like a "Julia Set."(2) We have one series of identities and personalities inherited from our parents, fashioned to meet their expectations, or to rebel against them. There is another series of personalities acquired in the course of schooling, another while dating, another at work, another in a sport or hobby, etc. Close observation of yourself will reveal that you are different people at different times. There is precious little continuity between your different states of consciousness. When you are one person one moment, you have usually forgotten that you were a completely different person a few moments before, and will be yet another person later. You are consumed by the personality of the moment. The personalities are isolated from each other by barriers of unawareness. There are defenses or buffers between the many "I's". There is no underlying actor to play the part. No one who remembers and coordinates all of the roles. It's as if a series of different people - acquaintances, not friends - took turns inhabiting the same body. We are one person when we first wake up, another person to our children, another to our spouse, another to our boss, etc. One "I" may make a promise, but the next "I" will not remember to keep it, or will not want to keep it. We live in a chaotic world where an endless series of things happen to us that do not fit together, do not make sense. Many important things seem to be the result of chance or luck. There is no conscious being there to see the "big picture" so that it can all make sense. There is no center, no empty hub uniting the many spokes of the wheel, the many fragments of self. The conscious states alternate unconnected by inner silence. It is like hearing foreign words or sentences without any underlying comprehension. The underlying being who comprehends and integrates is unconscious. The actor is asleep. The play goes on mechanically, uncomprehendingly. For such a one the "scientists" are correct, man is a machine and enlightenment is impossible, or merely a delusion, another fleeting role. Since most everyone suffers from weakly-connected consciousness, this appears to be natural and normal. We only recognize it as a problem in its most extreme forms, where there is total and complete disconnection of the different parts of the self. These are the cases where the different people inhabiting the body are complete strangers to each other. This is the pathological disorder of multiple personalities made famous by the case of Sybil.(3) Sybil Dorsett was a woman with sixteen separate personalities. At first none of them knew or remembered any of the others. For instance, one personality named Victoria Antoinette Scharleau was a self-assured, sophisticated, attractive blond, and another named Mike Dorsett thought she was male, a builder and carpenter. With multiple personality disorders it is not uncommon for the shy personality to be shocked to wake up naked in bed with a man the sexy personality met the night before. One personality shifts with another and there is no recollection of the prior person. There is a complete discontinuity of consciousness. This kind of multiple personality disorder is often caused by extreme negative events as a child. In Sybil's case, she was tortured and sexually abused as a young girl. This caused her to break up, literally, because she could not bear the extreme abuse she was subjected to. Through years of therapy Sybil was able to confront the memories and eventually integrate the separate personalities into one. She became a whole person. INTEGRATION OF CONSCIOUSNESS Personality dissociation in its extreme form is obviously a problem which must be corrected. But the less severe manifestations - the "subtle Sybil" effect, wherein we are disconnected to a certain degree - is a problem unknown to most people. Psychology is just beginning to recognize this as a root problem which underlies many others.(4) Most people do not know they are shattered. They treat themselves and others as if they were one person, already fully integrated and whole. In fact, most people are just integrated enough to function in society. They are not solid enough to answer the big questions for themselves, to make sense of their lives, and know who they are and what they can do. If we stop to think about the discontinuity - the differences in our moods and personalities - we just assume it is natural and of no importance. For instance, who can constantly recall their dream selves, or who they were in deep sleep - unconsciousness? We accept the barriers between our waking and sleeping selves as natural, inevitable, just like the barriers between our left and right brains. We fail to recognize the significance of the basic discontinuity between waking and sleep. Even the lack of continuity in waking consciousness - which occurs to everyone in the course of a day, or even a few minutes - is accepted as natural. We are sad one minute, then the next we are happy, in the next reflective, in the next absorbed in music, in the next answering the phone. When we are with some people we have a submissive personality, with others a dominant persona comes out. Is there a conscious being underlying all of these different states of consciousness? Is there a center unifying the multiple personalities? For almost everyone the answer is no. Their consciousness is not fully integrated, and they do not even see this as a problem. How is the actor to awake? Recognition that "integration" of multiple selves is a problem is the critical first step in the solution. It is also the first step to answering the question of who you are. Only you can discover who you are, no one can do it for you. The discovery comes from observation of yourselves - all of them - and then integration into a conscious whole. This requires bridging the great divide between the waking self and the sleeping self. The corpus callosum dividing the left and right brains must be transformed from a wall into a highway. Then you can start to understand who you are, and begin to integrate all of the many snapshots of your life into a flowing movie. Until you attain this continuity, your true identity will elude you. The meaning of life will remain an enigma wrapped in a mystery. Your true desires, your real potential, will remain hidden between the intervals of your many selves. You will be incomplete, asleep. One reason most of us fail to notice the lack of continuity is that one or two personalities - and the states of consciousness that go with them - tend to dominate the other weaker personalities and their consciousness. They hide the gaps, cover up the problem. Frequently the dominant personalities are imposed upon us from the outside. The strong alien personalities - the dominant consciousness states - frequently overpower and sublimate the other parts of our self, the other states of consciousness we experience. The weaker states are then forced into subconsciousness or unconsciousness. They are forgotten, disassociated from the conscious identity. One or two of the many personalities act in place of our overall Self. We do not know the plethora of possible personalities, unified and integrated in one being. We do not experience a healthy variety of conscious states. As a result our potential is artificially limited. We experience only a small slice of life. We see the rest as if through a glass darkly. Consciousness of the other parts of our self eventually becomes forbidden. They are not even recognized when experienced. If they are consciously experienced, they are promptly forgotten. They become "altered" states of conscious, momentary lapses of character. This dissociation and imbalanced dominance of one personality and consciousness over all others - a kind of psychological cancer - frequently leads to illnesses, psychological complexes and neurosis. The underlying being aware of the many sides of self is asleep, relegated to the unconscious. The strong role has taken over the actor and prevents him from waking. For most people the dominant personality is not even their own. It is a false personality imposed on them from their parents, friends, job or society. The false personality is a muddled thinker, with no connection to the other innate capacities of the whole being. The false persona is not linked with the true Self, it is not naturally a part of the underlying being. It is instead linked to the cultural consensus, the mass hypnosis and pseudo-thinking. If the actor should awaken he would not play that role, he would not accept that thought. People dominated by false personalities are usually weak, with little energy or vitality. Usually, only personality which is in connection with a person's potential - their true inner Self - can vitalize and naturally make room for the whole Self. Only a real persona can accept and try to integrate "altered states". The false, unconnected personalities only block energy. They act as a negative mask to hide true potential, instead of expressing it. The recognition and dropping of such lifeless personalities is the first step in discovering who you really are. It is the first step in "waking up". As you wake up you begin a conscious journey to realization of your full potential. There are many ways to wake up, many procedures. You need to find a procedure which is good for you. In that way you can move beyond legal study into the actual "practice of the Law." With an effective method, and adequate teachers and counselors, you may be lucky enough to wake up. You may be able to tap your inner essence and develop a true personality. That is just the beginning, however, not the end. At first, there are many dangers. You can still be dominated by the first real aspect of your self that wakes up. The first strong fragment personality to awaken may try to block the awakening of the rest. Still, it is easier to awaken to the full dynamics of yourself from out of a true personality than a false one. The actor once stirred may awaken. Once awakened, the road to self actualization may be traveled. Another danger that remains after the journey has begun arises from cultural restraints and muddled thinking. This can cause you to awaken only certain socially-acceptable sides of yourself and repress the rest. You may be afraid of parts of yourself or be prejudiced against them. For instance, you may have been taught as a child that sex was bad and so refuse to awaken that part of your human nature. If the real and awakened personas don't know any better, the phony censor persona may continue to have real power. Objective, holistic thinking is the answer. It can counteract the censor, the cultural restraints and inherited beliefs. Once your real personas are taught to think straight, they will see through the muddled thinking inherited from the past. Unlike the false personalities, the real personalities have the power and courage to act on their thinking. They can transcend the hindrances of the past. Armed with true thinking, they can overcome the cultural censor, and liberate all parts of your human potential. THE CASE OF CHARLES T. TART v. NORMAL CONSCIOUSNESS Professor Charles Tart is an American scientist and academic who has thought deeply about these topics. More importantly, he has taken action and tried hard to clarify and solidify his own consciousness, to take it out of what he refers to as the "cultural consensual trance" of so called normal consciousness. His careful scientific research has shown that what passes for normal or average consciousness is just one possible form of consciousness among many. He found that normal consciousness is actually quite limited, subject to many artificial constraints and disruptions. Professor Tart is one of the pioneering scientists in the new fields of altered states of consciousness, hypnosis, cultural consensus trance, multiple personalities, transpersonal psychology, being and the procedures or technology of "waking up". Born in 1937, the son of a musician, Charles Tart grew up as a Lutheran with deep religious convictions and intellectual interests. As a precocious teenager his eyes opened to science. A strong conflict then developed in his soul between the differing world views of science and religion. The resolution of this conflict has proven to be the driving force of his life. As a teenager looking at the hypocrisy he saw in religion, and the strength and elegance of science, he went head-strong into the modern scientific world. He became particularly fascinated with electronics, earning a first-class radio telephone license while still in high school. He also began to read widely in the field of psychic research or parapsychology. In this one field of science he found some kind of a link between his new found love for science and his earlier, deeper thirst for spirituality. In 1955 he was admitted to the premiere engineering school in the country, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Then he ran into calculus and his enthusiasm for engineering began to flounder. At the same time his high school interest in parapsychology blossomed. He started a psychic research club at MIT and connected with the dynamic cultural life of Cambridge. He then had an opportunity to meet many of the leading psychics and parapsychologists of that time. When he discovered that you could actually make a living at psychology, he decided to change career tracks. His ideal was to try to apply the methods of science to the general field of religion. He wanted to use science to start separating out the superstitions and nonsense in religion from the core of important truth. That ideal fired him then and has remained as one of the main guiding principles of his life. His opportunity to change came from famed parapsychology scientist Dr. Rhine, who helped Charles transfer to Duke University in 1957 to major in psychology. In the parapsychology labs at Duke he met Judy Bamberger, the girl who would later become his wife. A few years later at age 22 in these same labs Charley became the "first American psychedelic guinea pig", taking mescaline for the sake of science. It all came about quite by accident. Dr. Ivo Kohler, a Professor from the University of Vienna, was one of the first scientists in the world to experiment with psychedelic drugs. He began experiments with mescaline in Vienna, Austria in the nineteen thirties. These experiments were unknown in the United States. Professor Kohler was visiting the Duke parapsychology laboratories and there started talking to a young graduate student named Charley Tart. Charley had read Aldous Huxley's book on taking mescaline, The Doors of Perception and was curious about Dr. Kohler's experiments. The Professor mentioned that although he had tested many subjects from all nations in Europe, he had never seen any experiments with an American. Professor Kohler was curious to see if an American would have any different psychological reactions than Europeans. Charley bravely volunteered to be the first American test subject. In 1959 psychedelic drugs were almost totally unheard of (these substances were not outlawed until the mid nineteen sixties) and the good Professor happened to be traveling with a large quantity of chemically pure mescaline sulfate. After some preparation Charley was given a large dose of the mescaline which he says tasted like vomit. He sat with Professor Kohler for two or three hours and nothing happened. The Professor was beginning to think that Americans were indeed quite different. They were ready to call it quits, but as one last try, Charley took still more of the drug. That put him over the edge and all at once his psychological resistance to the drug broke down. A few moments later he went directly into the peak of a psychedelic experience. His consciousness expanded tremendously and he had a deep and profound experience which totally changed his life. Professor Kohler found that Americans were just like Europeans. A small step for science, but a giant leap for Charley Tart. A few years later while a graduate student at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, Charles again had an opportunity to participate in one of the first scientific experiments with LSD and psilocybin. A private foundation began funding a series of experiments with psychedelic drugs. Naturally enough he volunteered for many of the tests. Again he had deep and profound experiences with artificially induced altered states of consciousness. The conflict in his soul between science and religion was bridged in these scientific experiments. This proved to be the guiding light for his later scientific work, where he became the unquestioned leader in the scientific exploration of spiritual experiences. Only years later did Professor Tart learn that he had the CIA to thank for all of the LSD he ingested in those experiments. In the early nineteen sixties the CIA had set up dummy foundations to secretly fund research into psychedelic drugs. They wanted to know if there was any military potential to these strange new psychological drugs. They found the drugs were powerful, and potentially dangerous, but the experience of God was found to have no military value. Although not all unwitting government guinea pigs were as fortunate as Charles Tart, he, at least, was eternally grateful to the CIA. In 1963 Charles Tart received his Ph.D. degree from Chapel Hill. His special interests then were research into personalities, dreams and hypnosis. Dr. Tart was virtually alone in these fields at the time. His work has pioneered what has since become known as the study of altered states of consciousness, consciousness other than the average consensus trance. By 1969 Charles Tart edited what was to became a landmark book in consciousness research Altered States of Consciousness. This was the first publication to bring together scientific research on dreaming, hypnosis, meditation, yoga, psychedelics and other expanded states of consciousness. He has since written many other books, including: Open Mind, Discriminating Mind (1989); Waking Up: Overcoming the Obstacles to Human Potential (1986); States of Consciousness (1975); Transpersonal Psychologies (1975) (1990). When not writing books and researching into these fields, Professor Tart has been a teacher of Psychology at the University of California in Davis for over thirty years. Tart transcends the narrow confines of academia and science, and uses the scientific methods and independent thinking to tackle the really big questions. In the process of formulating his own answers, he has gathered information which helps us realize that "discontinuity of consciousness" is the essential threshold problem. The problem must be addressed - we must "self remember" and wake up from out of the cultural consensual trance - before we can ever know ourselves and find the answers within. One of the basic procedures he employs is called "self remembering" or "self observation". It is a process where you impartially and dispassionately observe the false personalities in action. His quest for answers necessarily led him beyond the confines of academia and science into the martial arts, where he now holds a black belt in Aikido. It also led him into the world of esoteric spiritual philosophies and psychologies, exemplified by the work of the great Russian mystic and philosopher, G. I. Gurdjieff.(5) It was Gurdjieff who first brought the "self remembrance" procedures to the West. Charles Tart discovered that there is a basic resistance in our culture to self observation. We tend to equate self observation with judgmental self criticism, with feelings of inadequacy, punishment, shame and guilt. To be effective, self remembrance procedures should be devoid of all judgments and criticism. It should be a neutral process of objective, detached observation. This requires tremendous commitment and honesty. In self observation you essentially try to observe yourself and your world, no matter what it is, good or bad, ugly or beautiful, happy or sad. You don't just observe yourself only when you happen to be doing something you like, or in order to support something you already believe in. You try to observe yourself in your world to see what really is. To convey the kind of commitment required to remember to observe yourself in all situations, Tart likes to quote a famous American spiritual leader of sorts, Patrick Henry: Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom. Tart found from his own experience and from working with hundreds of others, that if you aren't vigilant about yourself - with a commitment to knowing reality as it is - you build up fantasies. You forget yourself, like the actor asleep. You live instead in what he calls "consensus trance". You are lost in fantasies widely shared in the culture. Tart's research has shown that although everyone thinks they are normal, they are actually seriously cut off from the world around them. As a result people do a lot of stupid things. Observing the great difficulty of the self observation process, especially at first, Tart emphasizes the importance of personal training and group work to begin to use this procedure effectively. But once the skill is learned, Tart and others have found that it is a powerful tool to awaken the actor. With it you can begin to integrate the many roles - the many personalities - into a play where life has meaning. The actions of the moment then begin to make sense by relation to the overall drama. The actor begins to know herself, to know the myth of her life, the plot and potential destiny, and then to write her own script. Without such an awakening the actor meanders aimlessly through life. They keep repeating a few lines, a few roles, over and over, never realizing their full potential. Tart found that self observation can awaken us from consensus trance. It allows us to get a much wider idea of who we are, and to dare to fulfill potentials and dreams we never even knew we had. This is because the consensus trance into which we were hypnotized as a child significantly narrows our human potentials. We could be so many things, but society tries to fit people into preconceived molds. Our self-concept gets narrow, squeezed and tight. Tart likes to quote Gurdjieff's observation that a lot of people you see walking around in the street are dead. They have been so squeezed in terms of their inner psychological self, that it is all habit and conditioning, and the essence - the vitality - is dead. Tart was first exposed to Gurdjieff's ideas in 1966 and his ideas and spiritual practices of self observation have had a continuing influence on him ever since. Tart says that he still uses Gurdjieff's "trying to remember yourself in everyday life" as his principle spiritual practice today, even though he is no longer involved with Gurdjieff groups. In my interview with Charles Tart in late 1993, he described in some detail the process of how as young children we are entranced into the local cultural consensus in which we were born: When we are born each of us has the potential to be a human being which means thousands and thousands of things which could be developed. But each one of us is born into a particular culture, and a culture is a group of people who know about certain human potentials which they think are good and they cultivate them. They draw them out of people and reinforce them in people. So when a little baby looks at its mother and its starting to make sounds like "ma ma ma," people smile and encourage the baby. A given culture knows about other potentials which they consider animal or evil or something like that, and they actively discourage them. So if the same little baby looks at its mother and starts to go "shi shi shit", he doesn't get encouraged, and that kind of thing. Any particular culture is also ignorant of all sorts of human potentials and they don't draw them out of people simply by neglect. They have no idea its even possible. In order to survive you have to fit into your culture. The adults who only want a certain set of potentials developed keep pressing on you, drawing those out and discouraging the ones they don't like. In a very real sense, the "essence" of what we are when we are born, to use a Gurdjieff term, gets shaped and shaped and shaped and eventually evolves into what Gurdjieff called "false personality." That means as part of defending yourself against the pressure of adults you come to adopt their way of thinking. A baby can't really say, "Gee, I've been born into a weird tribe this time, here's how I'll have to act in order to get by, but I don't believe a word of it." The baby is pretty helpless, absolutely dependent upon the giants, the gods and goddesses, for its survival. So the baby and the child internalize these things, they start thinking like the culture expects people to think. To the extent they don't, they feel guilty about it and hide it. We develop what I call "consensus consciousness" to reflect the fact that our so-called ordinary state of consciousness, or "normal consciousness" (which is a culturally-relative term of course) means we have actually constructed the habits of our thinking and feeling and perceiving to reflect the consensus of what our culture thinks is important and good. It is an altered state of consciousness in the sense that it is not natural. Our ordinary state is not simply the way consciousness is, it's a semi arbitrary construction, so that you fit in as normal, bound by the rules of your particular group. When I talk about this in a neutral way, and want to use this information scientifically, I use the term "consensus consciousness." But when I want to emphasize the cost of this process, that there is a lot of important stuff left out, then I say "consensus trance." I am using "trance" in the negative sense of the word: a state of less animation, being controlled by others and what not. I also asked Professor Tart what methods he had found work best to allow people to overcome their natural resistances to self observation, and enable them to awaken from the consensus trance. His answer expounded upon the theme developed by Gurdjieff as "intentional suffering." There are lots of ways [around the resistance to self observation]. Most of them depend on suffering. When things are going well, you don't tend to question the structure you're locked into. When things start going badly, usually we blame somebody else: "Its those damn republicrats in Washington." But when you get a little more mature, people begin to realize that "maybe I bring something to my suffering, just maybe its not all the fault of the outside world, but that I contribute something to it." When people are ready to work with their suffering like that, when they are ready to look at it more closely and see how they are creating some of it, then you have an opening for people to learn things. The suffering can motivate people to observe themselves, to take mental snap shots of themselves, and try to figure out what is going on wrong, what internally is producing the suffering. In self observation you will undoubtedly see many habits, attitudes and other things about yourself that you do not like. From an attitude of intentional suffering and responsibility, these insights into your mental machinery provide you with the opportunity to change, to escape from your suffering. As Tart says, we create a lot of our suffering quite uselessly. Suffering motivates you to change, to escape from the mental conditioning and false thinking which keeps you entranced, keeps you in needless suffering. Suffering thus opens up the possibility of real change. Charles Tart also speaks of another major way of escape from the culture trance, the method of "altered states of consciousness". If you think of your ordinary state of consciousness This article is from http://www.lawsofwisdom.com/course-overview/opening-statement/the-problem-of-the-subtle-sybil-effect/

@Zigzag Idiot I can feel it in my heart too what would you think and feel about humans as an alien? a spiritually advanced alien who encounters planet earth and its inhabitants for the first time?

a vision: I am an alien, encountering earth and humans for the first time what the hell are these creatures doing? no judgement here, this concept is foreign to me. just observing, sheer curiosity. I accept all parts of reality. for me, there is no good and no bad, only Good. everything just IS. these humans seem deeply engulfed in self constructed prisons. actual prisons: money, work, survival, rat-race, confrontations, wars, debates. they all stem from mental prisons, which in time materialized and have now become actual barriers and threats to them strange way to live life they have. caught in small little constellations of something they call "family", where they effectively pass on all their barriers and beliefs to their offspring. all divided in small little bubbles. sometimes they gather in bigger bubbles. those bubbles fight and debate. but what do they actually know? in the most developed societies beliefs are based on something they call "science". in less developed ones, they foliow "truths" provided from something like "religion" they mistake the relative for the absolute they actually think money and value/worth is a thing their perception is limited and caught in survival and reproduction. sometimes this is clothed in wealth and something they call "career" their ability to love is limited to humans inside their little bubbles. the smaller the bubble, the more they love or are attached. the bigger the bubble, the more shallow becomes the love. it eventually turns into hate for distant and contradictory bubbles they fight over opinions and possession. what is actually possession? strange things they invent. interesting those humans. I see big potential, but little actualization of that. millions of seeds, almost no full grown trees.

I did People have to understand that 5-MeO breakthrough have very little in common with the persistent state of no-self, non-duality like Eckhart Tolle is in. It has more in common with temporary states you can get in with advanced Samatha/Vipassana concentration practice. As for my experience, DPT and 5-MeO feel much more solipsistic, alien and energetic than what persistent states of non-duality are like. Also, I'm not able to function on higher doses.

I love the analogy that humans in society are like cells in a body. I like how you used this analogy. A couple more: Each people are like neurotransmitters to each other. Similar to neurotransmitters in our brain. Some people are like dopamine, some like gaba, some like cortisol. The earth is one giant organism. An alien viewing the earth from outer space wold see one giant organism. People are like cells communicating with each other within the giant organism. Narcissists are like cancer cells. Roads are like microtubules, energy plants are like mitochondria and on and on. . . One giant organism.

10 min reflection: Yesterday was quite good my morning routine worked today, still I wasted a lot of time and I fell alseep very late around 2am approx. Normally I go to bed between 10pm and 11pm. Still I read for quite some time as well as got distracted by the internet. Programming and seeing myself as a programmer is important as well as seeing myself as a reader and as an early riser, it helps to think my into the mind of how such a person would think and act, yet doing this deliberately and consciously is the key thing to do. Otherwise, the body-mind identification is very odd, I am not sure how I could break that Leo said kriya yoga and psychedelics are good, I know Japanese meditators in a monastary squat under a waterfall for hours to meditate. Well..... going to the gym is a joke compared to that ? I tried psychdelics around 20-30 times or so, and I definitely did not went deep enough, I noticed where the main identification of the body took and takes place and I had a kriya experienes a half year later after that insightful trip. So, it was wonderful to break free of what seemed other or alien or me. Now I notice my brain and the same spot mainly feels like it makes me want to identifiy with it, I can't sit very well and I fear the pain unconsciously having a guide sometimes is great. It is like exposure therapy I know I struggle with certain things alone, I can inform myself and conquer it the fear of doing smth. Yet, in the end. Training my body helps me to disidentify with it, since I am using up energy and learn what it means to have a body, eating healthy is a bit more similar yet more with the inner workins of the body. The same goes for the mind when reading and learning new stuff. Yet, even when uniting, feeling, insight, thinking and "being", I can not reach yet a metaphysical stage, I am seriously questioning my technique at the moment if I am to invested in something that does not work. Over the weekend I will do different exercises within the UM System and will see if what I am saying has any truth to it here and if I can learn something new. I notice how difficult, yet at the sametime easy it is to build muscles if I do the right exercises, the same goes for meditation most likely. Yet, if I train everything ? I have to take care of everything and everything won't grow as fast a one thing or certain parts. I mean it does work, yet I can't tell where I made the mistake, was it really the amount of fat I was eating ? Or is it normal that it takes time to build muscles in a calorie deficiet ? When I listen to Culadasas book I feel like I am at stage 0 or so feeling tired after 45minutes, yet that could be the strong dulness he speaks about when not training for pure concentration at the beginning. Since, I normally don't get tired, yet sometimes it hits me. It's similar to loosing balance in a state where you are constantly balancing out and insert small amounts of concentration to each moment arising and passing, retroactively or actively. I struggle with rest and gone, from shinzens technique the rest is fine, so a lot of flow and the normal see hear feel thing, yet rest is more difficult to detect for me than gone currently.

This is my solo retreat report. I hope it will inspire you to do something like this yourself. Over a month ago I started my 4 week solo retreat. I was quite ready for this. I rented a tiny cabin with no electricity, no water. Spartan conditions, but it was extremely cheap and all I could afford. It was not easy. I quickly found myself in an ocean of suffering and bliss. These two would swap back and forth, varying in intensity and duration. It didn't take me long to realize that the greater the challenge I faced, the more profound the insight at the end and the stronger the bliss following it. This kept me going through the hellish phases. Just a day or two in, I realized that no meditation technique would do. I was not in charge. All I could do was be quiet and watch as life expressed itself through me by spontaneously contemplating the right questions, than inspecting the body, then forgetting all and surrendering completely, then other activities still. I think it was day 3 when the kundalini stuff started to happen. Good thing I heard about all this many times. If I didn't, I'd probably go crazy. In my meditations unspeakable stuff was happening in my body, visions more real than reality would come to mind and I had problems discerning what was true and what was false. Many times my body got so blocked up I thought I would die, only to be forced into an even deeper surrender. Nights were no relief either. Lucid dreams full of trials and challenges awaited me. Alien abductions and meeting gurus, sages and stuff like that. In short, it was a hell of a ride. Fortunately, after about 3 days this subsided. Deep contemplations started to take place uncovering old traumas, unmet desires and such. It was beautiful. On day 14 I had the biggest insight of the retreat. I was contemplating Consciousness itself, when I realized that it is no different from Love. Than I remembered the Hindu concept of Sat-Chit-Ananda (Being-Consciusness-Love), looked closer, and sure enough, this Consciousness-Love was not different from Being either - meaning me. I bathed in this unbounded state for a couple of hours looking over a beautiful pond nearby. I came to the conclusion that I was done here, after 2 week out of 4. It has been 16 days since I came home now. A lot has changed, and nothing at all. I am clearer than ever about what I want, need and value. My life has a much deeper sense of purpose and authenticity. My contemplation skill just sky rocketed. I realized what contemplation is, and it is such a joy to do it even hours a day, as I now know that I can go all the way to the truth of anything I want to know. And since I believe, I make it happen. I have had issues with eating for a long time, even though my diet was good. A lot of shame and guilt always plagued this arena of my life. After a particularly bad meal on the retreat and a deep introspection afterwards, I asked desperately - "How the fuck do I solve this?". And the answer came - "Just ask.". I realized the ability to ask about any food and I will get an answer from inside - it tells me if I should or shouldn't eat. Quickly I realized this works for any question with yes and no. I can ask about anything and know if it is 'yes' or 'no', but it's not always easy to ask and follow the answer. This often takes balls and and losing a fat piece of ego is common here. Soooo... go do it. Spend time alone. Forget it all. Immerse yourself in yourself. You won't believe how much bullshit you are buying into. Thank you Leo, you were one of the ones who inspired me to do this!

True question. But did we go on the moon with Armstrong ? When GameBoy wasn't even existing. Seriously I don't buy it. But I understand his usefulness to appear' powerful in the cold War context. Makes sense to lie. I believe more in that' that alien on earth. And the fact that usa own massive weapons no one in the public know about.

Includes my first (brief) alien encounter on mushrooms:

Never, ever, ever do MDMA 2 days in a row. MDMA unlike other classical psychedelics, release most if not all serotonin in the brain after the first dose. Even a second dose is not wise but for self-actualization and therapeutic purposes half the initial dose 2 - 4 hours in is recommended and no more than once every 3 - 4 months or you could smoke a joint even wiser since it protects against neurological damage which MDMA could cause. Doing multiple dosage and 2 days in a row can really damage your brain. I suggest youtube a MDMA recovery smoothie and consume healthy herbs/spices especially neuro-protective ones and lots of fresh fruits and vegetables to replenish your system. Take it easy for a while, cannabis and CBD oil helps a lot with neurotoxicity if that is your thing. Personally i no longer mess with such a dangerous substance, i feel like over time it does more harm than good. Stick to natural psychedelics like mushrooms, ayahuasca, cannabis if anything. Nature knows best, whats found in nature is a direct expression of infinite intelligence manifest, thus would be highly unlikely to mess you up badly. What is created by man in a lab is most likely not in harmony with infinite intelligence thus much more likely to cause damage that may not be able to be repaired completely. Our bodies understand whats natural, anything artificial our bodies see as toxins and alien and try to get rid of it ASAP.

@Maya_0 it’s not a myth your interpreting it wrong the reason why liberation is said that you won’t be reborn is because you’ve seen through the duality of life and death and the IDEA of the death of the physical human being. They have yet to see the death of their own awareness. This is nirvana. Once they have reached this stage their enlightenemnt will carry over into their next life. They will live many A life times and never come out of their enlightened state. They could be an alien on a different planet and they would be born enlightened, the same happens here aswell. This is why some people are further than others in the journey overall to freedom. But they are still in their the form of an enlightened state, imagining themselves to have attained the great death. So they will actually remain unborn. Until they voluntarily decide to give it up and start the process over again. Enlightenment itself can never actually be attained because enlightenemnt is infinite. There are so many “forms” of enlightenment. Reaching nirvana is like starting over again but with the understanding of your true self. So you can actually achieve actual death and not the imagined death they are imagining for themselves. That’s why the religious text say freedom from bondage: end to reincarnation of life and death liberation: end of reincarnation of life and death they say the same thing and people get confused. They essentially are the same thing. One Is the imagination of it, then the person realises they are in safe hands to undergo the actual death. Unless the person is ballsy enough to undergo the straight death right away the point of enlightenment is for you to find out the absolute truth and then to actually actualise it without fear. Because what is there to fear when you are an imagination itself “an illusion” of a seperated self all you should get is the truth and then arrive right back in the same place you started to find a way to take the second part of the journey. Because realising the truth is different actualising the truth. It no longer becomes about focusing on self-awareness. But it becomes about a no mind state without focusing or having self - awareness at all. Enlightenment goes on in form for infinity. You will never reach the end because by definition you can not reach the end of infinity because it’s infinite. By this time if your not me ? you would have gained good meditative abilities. But yours truly has 50 minutes under his belt. So now I’ve made the second part even more complicated. By understanding enlightenment which was the point without doing any spiritual practices except 70,000 hours of contemplation. Which uses the mind lol and now I can’t use it so screwed you can reach enlightenment in duality becAuse it’s literally happening in front of you, you just have to look and observe direct reality itself with your own awareness because non duality IS DUALITY lol and duality is non-duality. They are identical. Which ever route you follow, both are form. Form is formless and formless is form. Both are partial truths, because the absolute truth is absolute. It’s the only thing that exists ? so you can’t really question it when everything and nothing are left out of the picture. There is no other option but to go for nirvana. You are stuck with no where to go, lol where can you go ? You are already inside absolute infinity because you are absolute infinity its literally an impossibility to doubt absolute truth and the truth about enlightenment. Literally you can’t miss it because you are all of it. Lol lol also you’ll know because there’s nothing else to do but sit in silence so you have to go and seek out a master, because the process starts again. But how do I actually do it after knowing the two options you have. Do or do not, there is no try.

@TrynaBeTurquoise Yes, I am curious about the alien as well LOL. It was always like he was operating on me. Then I noticed him by accident and he was like... "Shit, I slipped dimensions and he saw me... STOP the operation guys, we have to come back later!" Regarding the looks of it, I have no idea. Maybe the cultural images are like that because they really look like this As I said, maybe it was a figment of my imagination but then again... what would be the difference?

Awesome trip report, interesting visions and was curious as to finding out more detail about that alien you saw, lol. Why do so many people see these grey/black-eyed aliens? Is this a product of culture making this type of alien popular or did it originate from mystical experiences in the first place? I think the ladder but I want to find this out for myself. Sorry you didn't get the effects you were looking for in the re-dose later that day, but if you already consumed 3.5g earlier then your body has already built up such a tolerance to it that you would need to increase that dose exponentially to get the same effects, so re-dosing with another 3g would be a waste.

I've thought long about if I should even post this one as it was so strange and not even really a trip. But anyhow - here goes nothing. The tale of the whale began a week ago. After finishing my evening meditation I sat down in my room and just enjoyed the silence for a bit. The meditation was meh... but the after state was a dense silence. Then I journaled a bit. I jotted down some questions based on observations I made earlier this week: I was walking through the park on my way to work and just looked at the ducks. It was really interesting. Why do they do what they do? Why do they fight over food? Yes, they are programmed! They just play this program called survival without being aware of it. Very interesting. In this instance I also realized: Wait, I am doing the exact fucking thing! I am running my survival program! But who installed the program? Who is really running the show? Interesting question. This thought process came back up that evening and I just wrote down more questions... and it all came down to: Who am I? Not in a villy nilly way (in which I did one year of self inquiry) but in a very threatening way. It felt like I asked this question for first time for real. I proceeded to go to the bathroom and as I sat down to take a piss my complete identity just slipped away. It was complete silence and there was the urge to think but nothing came up. It was just a blank. There was still a body sitting there but it was not born, it had no parents and no image of itself. That was freaky to say the least until it went away again (one minute or so). --- Then, on Friday I was walking through town and again asked myself: "Who am I?". Then there was a voice in my head. The same one which talked to me multiple times during my trips. It said: "Ask a better question!". I answered: "Who is asking this question?". (This was totally spontaneous). However in that instance my mind flipped completely from the inside out. There was no "outside" there was only inside. This only lasted a couple seconds but was very radical. --- On Saturday I wanted to make my monthly trip. I weighed out 3.5g of mushrooms, made my tea. Sipped it. Laid down. The come up was slow. Then there was an insight: I had a vision of a bug of some sort which was trapped and tortured in some sort of device. It was really heart wrenching. I sent the bug love but there was no change. Then the insight hit: Love is what brought the bug there. Love is what made the device. And the torturer is acting out of Love. In that instance the device disappeared and the bug was set free. --- This was so deep but it still went on: Not only does "good" or "bad" not exist in the realm of Truth, there is a much much deeper level to it: For duality of any sort to exist, there first must be the possibility of distinction. HOWEVER, there is no distinction, there is only absolute... and THEREFORE good and bad do not exist! --- After that there was a vision of some heroin and coke addicts. I put my arms closer to my body because they were injecting themselves and I am afraid of needles. Then there was the insight: They are doing the exact same thing as you are. They are searching for the great white whale. They are searching for God! --- Another insight was: If you want to be enlightened you have to surrender the commentator. I notice this in myself especially. My mind has become much more quiet over the last months but there is still this voice which comments on everything. It's not even that malicious (that's what it tells me at least ) but it still puts everything into categories and narrates my life. This has to be surrendered as well. --- All this happened in the first two hours of the trip then something very, very strange happened. I've never had these auditory hallucinations before, it sounded alien, mechanical even. And then... don't call me crazy (or do, I don't care)... for one second... on the top right of me... an alien popped up. It was small-ish (1-2 feet), had a big head, was grey and had black eyes. This could absolutely be a figment of my imagination. I have no idea at all. But I can clearly remember it. This way or the other it was there. And what was even stranger, the trip stopped after that. It was basically the come up - no peak - come down. All in 4 hours max. This NEVER happened to me. I then proceeded to go on with my life and decided to re-dose later that evening. I did so at about 6pm with about 3g's... but yet again, there were only mild effects but no where near where 3g's have taken me in the past. It was barely noticeable, like 0.6g's maybe. This was quite disappointing as I had some big questions lined up. However the show must go on and the search for the great white whale continues. Thank you for reading!

If you are going to make a film with this music I want to play an alien.

@tsuki no tsuki is a finite form within your awareness. I’m talking about your very awareness itself. Which is also The limited form you are trying to break out of. This is your box of awareness that you want to break for freedom. This box of awareness is what will get reincarnated, not tsuki. Tsuki memories even of becoming enlightened will get stored in karma in between worlds inside this box. Because it’s stored in your box of awareness. But you don’t actually know what else from your previous life’s are stored in your box for you to make a judgment on what’s you will do after. Like let’s say your physical body died, you went to the nether world and you realised ohh I was just playing the part of tsuki, you might want to be a princess next instead of searching for enlightenment. It makes sense right ? Because if you had never stored information about enlightenment then you wouldn’t know to go for it in your next life or you may not even want to end it like you are currently doing now. This is what we can assume that karma is forward moving atleast because you realise the impermanance faster of consciousness and life itself. Anyways this box is ego, All of it and anything that can go inside of it. Until it reflects true reality and it shouldnt break and you won’t die until it does But yes it would be wrong for me to tell you that this is what you want. It is after all a choice. Also you have to remember that absolute infinity is absolutely infinite. There’s no garuntee that you will get rebirthed here, you might get reborn into a situation where you are an alien on a different planet and they don’t even have any records of enlightenment or beings reaching mahasamadhi. And you will have forgotten your memories. So you’ll essentially be a stage beige ego again. What the whole of reality is doing is increasing in consciousness to become self - aware, self - realised eventually. Even if you had siddhis on a different planet means nothing because it’s still form. So yeah it might not be for you, but this might be your chance to end it for a very long time. Like there are an infinite reincarnations possible, so much form that you could enjoy and never reach the end of. Just as a human it’s an option although if your enlightened, it wouldn’t be much of an experience rather than for the fun of it. Still it’s possible for your Box of awareness to give up its enlightened state and then suffer through it. ————————— lol dude I have family, it’s not like I’m immune the karma of this body ahah, what would they say if I’m just sleeping and I died. This is illusion but you know obviously I’m very attached to everything. I’m considering giving it a hard pass ?