lostmedstudent

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  1. thanks for the report! interesting insights! congratulations on going back despite the panick attack!
  2. Hi i have an odd request for y’all i was wondering if anyone would like to give me some feedbacks and advice on a motivation letter. I am just trying to get as much feedbacks as I can. Its a letter for medical residency application, so please let me know if anyone is interested / has a background in academia. thanks in advance!
  3. also can someone link me to Leo’s blog post about yoga? is there a search function on his blog posts ??
  4. Is this a good position for starting Kriya? my first homework is to find my posture. I like to meditate like this .im wondering if I can continue so for Kriya?
  5. @ajasatya agreed. met my fb through tinder. It works but you just have to be smart and clear about what you want .
  6. @mandyjw i felt dumbfounded during the peak. Just awestruck and mind blown. Maybe a little sad too. I felt like crying, but the second i wanted to cry, it felt like I’ve cried a thousands times and tears have dried. No fear or joy though
  7. @Serotoninluv but the subsequent ones ?
  8. @DrewNows thank you! and to everyone who responded to my thread @Eu Sint @inFlow @Serotoninluv @zeroISinfinity do you ever regret taking the first step and got you deep down this rabbit hole?
  9. Wow thank you for sharing man! its a beautiful report!
  10. @inFlow wow I like the graph, thanks !! it also makes sense why it’s so hard to believe that experienced even happened after we come down to the baseline
  11. @Eu Sint thank you! during the trip I thought : no more psychedelics, I have seen enough 😂😂 but the curiosity killed the cat. I will definitely be going back as now there’s no return to the old self However the experience was too abstract that I cannot integrate it at all to my day to day life
  12. @Serotoninluv thanks i find ayahuasca to have very little visuals. It wasn’t distracting but of course! both ayahuasca and non ayahuasca as real!!! I just cannot realize it yet yes, I am definitely trying to make sense of it and the more I think of it, and the more time has passed, the more crazy (less real) it seems.
  13. I attended an Ayahuasca ceremony last weekend, which was my second time drinking Ayahuasca tea. It was a religious ceremony so there was some chanting and question/answers periods, but I was so totally absorbed in my trip that I wasn’t able to pay attention to any of those. This trip was a TOTAL MIND FUCK. I was so mind-fucked I do not even know where to begin, or how to put anything in words. I remember during the peak of the trip, I kept repeating in my head: what was seen cannot be unseen, and ignorance is bliss. I had a bad trip last April during which I was sent to the hospital. In that trip, I was not sure whether I was alive or not. I felt that I was everyone and anyone at the same time. It took me months to overcome that bad trip. The reason that I am mentioning that is because as I began to feel the effect of the tea, it connected right with the last trip. The two trips merged and became one. It made so much sense how it connected and how this is the obvious path down the road. I felt stuck in this loop, the loop of trying to pursue the truth. I was then hit with the feeling that EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE. I cannot even tell you what made sense exactly, but I just kept repeating of course, of course.. But of course… of course I drank the tea to experience this, of course I had the bad trip, of course! I understood everything, EVERYTHING. Or so it felt. I understood what Leo has been saying all along. I understood every awakened trip reports I have read. I felt the circular nature of life. I realized that I HAVE NEVER lived. The realizing felt SO REAL, so convincing and life as I knew felt like a joke. I thought of my boyfriend and my parents and how they did not really exist. There really is only me. I saw it SO CLEAR that I can only repeat: but why, what ? Why? How? Ok but why? I wished I did not know. I wished that I did not take that tea. I also felt clairvoyant. I knew I wouldn’t believe what I experienced once I "come back" and I would be posting on the forum and asking questions but the answers seemed so obvious to me at the moment. And I knew there was NO WAY to explain this to anyone. That’s what I have been doing all my life, and that’s what ill keep doing, and that’s what everyone will keep doing, one way or another : pursue the truth. Once I was "convinced" that It has been me all along and all will merge with truth eventually, I saw life as no point. I felt that there was no point in doing anything at all. Nothing matters in this game called life, it literally , truthfully did not matter. Theres no point in asking any questions because I have all the answers in that moment, no point in judging, no point in hating or helping. The comedown was surprisingly smooth. However, I had this intense burn/hot/warm/energetic sensation in the perineum that was slightly uncomfortable. As expected, as the trip subsided, my life felt more real than that "experience". I only remember how convincing those realizations were, but they did not stick, and I am already doubting if that was just a dream. I did not feel being one with the universe or awakened. I think I was mindfucked more than anything. My main questionning is: how do I know if those realizations are absolute truth (as they undoubtingly were during the trip) or another belief/idea? Because it seems like they are highly influenced by what I have been fed such as "this is all imaginary" or "life is a loop" or "I never lived".. How come they felt SO REAL , and now I can barely remember it? any other pointers for me ? Thank you all for your help.