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@ZzzleepingBear When I said always that was an exaggeration. I have plenty of useful thoughts. However, Basic needs take up more of my mental activity than I would like and it causes suffering. What I would like is some kind of strategies for 'tapping into' this lucid way of seeing things. Because it's loving clarity and it feels like pure bliss.

@Nahm @Javfly33 yup...you are Infinite Bliss when the ilusion of thought is wiped away

Bliss.

Emotions Emotions are so little talked about, even on this forum which is surprising. The stage Green emotional component is often lacking in this place and lacking in Leo's videos. Very few of his videos talk about emotions, yet we live with them all the time. What is sadness? What is anger? What is embarrassment? What is compassion? What is joy? What is fear? What is anxiety? What is contentment? What is excitement? What is peace? What is bliss? What are all of these emotions? Why do they exist? What is their purpose? How do they work? Understanding all of this is very important for a fulfilling life.

@Giulio Bevilacqua I had pretty mild symptoms, the bliss was way better than any of the mild symptoms. Just don't drink too much coffeine or nicotine or anything that excites the nervous system. If you are on no-fap, you can try to release some energy. If you have physical symptoms, then go to a doctor. Kryias are not only a symptom from Kundalini, but also a sign of nervous system disease, so you should get that checked out. Relax, it will pass and enjoy the ride. I recommend the "Awakened kundalini support group" on facebook. They are truly gifted in telling you the right things you need to hear.

Hi guys, this is the first time I do 3g of mushroom,I'm here to share the experience that I had, It was deeply profound and recontextualized my whole paradigms Let's cut the story short Usually I only do 1-2g of shroom to explore myself, but this time I decide to go deeper, but unfortunately I didn't expect the trip goes so hard, barely can even handle, I tried to stand up but I just can't function properly, I decide to lay down and do conscious breathing hope that I'm able to get better, at the same time I'm monitoring my consciousness, and notice that kundalini thing are doing its work, clearly felt the energy flowing through my spine and forehead And next I was in the peak of my experience, all my emotion just happening at once, I feel happy, sad, angry, hopeless, love, I thought I was dying, the horror of death are approaching to me, I'm at the border of alive and death, I did not let go fully, I just let go 30%, and next was magical I enter into a very strange state of consciousness , the supriseness feeling that suddenly arise,i was genuinely suprise that I found myself "congratulation, look who you have you found, it's me, I am you" The trip goes full celebration mode, balloon and party visual appearing, I was in total bliss, its like the first time you find out who you truly are! And next was super mind blown, I was directly conscious about how I manifest my own reality, I am literally imaginating my own existence, i heard Leo said God is imaginating everything,I think a lot of time I just don't get it, but this time I verified the statement, witness the truth. I'm conscious about all these enlightenment guru, it's all me trying to make myself fully realize my true being, it was super weird. And the trip coming down I come back to my ordinary state, felt a little bit different, I will take some time to digest the experience, hopefully the next time I'm able to get full insight Thanks for reading and pardon my English

@TheSource It wasn’t my question, but it was a better question than what I originally asked. I did lose my mind. But I was feeling so much bliss and euphoria. But that could also be just mania. Now I doubt I had an awakening. I never felt like I was god. I did feel deeply interconnected to everyone and everything. Thank you for responding. @Seraphim lol thank you for confirming that I was indeed psychotic. @Nahm

This all took place yesterday on Sunday. I had been feeling more depressed/unmotivated than usual and was sitting in my living room listening to music with a good friend and having a few beers. My roommate ended up organizing a party with some girls and other friends that we know and invited us. We debated on going because we both felt down but decided to go open ourselves to the experience and party with our friends. We get there and everyone is drinking and having a good time. I know most people there with only a couple of girls that I've never seen before. The host randomly pulls out a bag of shrooms and starts offering some to everyone. I have done plenty of psychedelics in the past(shrooms, acid, DMT) but I had been taking a break for the last few months and didn't think doing them at a party after having drank a few beers was a particularly great idea. A girl sitting next to me told me she'd never done them before but she's down to try and asks me to take some with her. I let the thought sit in my head and for some reason, my intuition tells me it's actually a good idea so I end up agreeing. We end up taking only half a gram each although I get the heads and she gets the stem part. The trip ended up being really intense and ridiculously deep for only having taken half a gram. I've taken around 3-4g before and it felt relatively close in intensity, not sure if it was because of the alcohol or just my state of mind but it hit strong. The first little while was relatively mild, just tripping and vibing to the music. Then the shrooms really started talking to me. I started to notice the social nuances at play in the room, like a guy hitting on some girls and them not being into it and their body language was really easy for me to read while tripping. This is where I start to mentally talk to the shrooms or my ego, hard to tell which. I feel like the world is melting together and individual human beings are merged into just visual and audio output basically. The music starts speaking to me and everything starts getting very synchronized. I start thinking about my bad habits(drinking and vaping) and then the song Toxic by Britney Spears comes on. Then I go back and forth between feeling like the shrooms are judging me for my toxic behaviors and being really happy and feeling like I'm making progress in life and the universe is with me. It feels like the people around me are responding to the thoughts I'm having. As I start to wonder if I look normal, people make eye contact with me and ask me how I'm doing. As I'm thinking about a girl and how nice she looks, she walks over and stands right in front of me. As I'm hesitating to talk to her it feels like the shrooms are pushing me to do it but I'm overwhelmed and decided mentally not to and she immediately walks away and starts talking to another guy. A bit later in the night, a girl starts to look a bit distraught, she's part of the ones that took shrooms. The voice in my head tells me to go over and take care of her. Immediately as I walk up to her she asks me if I can help her get an uber home and find her friend. That seems like a lot of responsibility at the time(still high as balls) but the voice in my head tells me to reassure and tell her that her friend's fine. I start overthinking and wondering how I could possibly know where and if her friend was fine and what to do about this situation. Literally, two seconds after her friend comes back walking through the front door but a random guy started talking to the original girl but I could tell that she really just wanted to find her friend and go home so I tap her on the shoulder, say "hey I found your friend!", bring her away from the guy and to her friend and just as I do she starts kinda freaking out and being overwhelmed so it was the perfect timing. I'm really curious if you guys have also experienced something similar while on psychedelics or if I'm tripping out. It literally feels like my thoughts and the world become one and the world can read my thoughts and responds to them. Both really comforting and really creepy. I have to stop myself from fully believing it and kinda fact-checking it because it's very overwhelming and feels like a psychotic break almost; like everything is a pattern that speaks to me. The messages are usually really profound but perhaps sometimes corrupted by my ego and that's where it leads to strange conclusions. What do you guys make of this and have you guys had similar experiences? Also am I the only one that feels like shrooms are both really good but aggressive, almost like they tease you? Anyway, weird but really amazing experience. Glad I ended up taking them, just was really confused and overwhelmed afterward and still processing it but nothing to complain about and I definitely had blasts of bliss that felt shockingly beautiful but also confusing and overwhelming haha

GODDESS BHAVANI: In Hindu mythology, Goddess Bhavani is considered to be the violent incarnation of Goddess Shakti or Devi. Notwithstanding she is also Karunaswaropini and ‘karunai’means mercy. As such she is one filled with mercy in the shades of Durga and Kali’s sentiments over Her devotees. Adi Shankara’s says it all in his Bhavani Ashtakam in pure and simple words. Bhavani’s other names bring various meanings. Bhavani Devi also personifies Aadi Parashakti. The bhava of Bhavani is the internal power of Lord Shiva. In that sense Bhavani is Mother Parvathi. Bhavani is also the source of creative energy. She is also known as Tulaja, Turaja, Tvarita and Amba. In Gujarat she takes the form of Keshar Bhavani. Goddess Bhavani is also considered as swayambhu or self-born when venerated as Lord Siva’s consort. According to Adi Shankaracharya, devotees who recite Bhavani’s name everyday with true devotion, will not acquire sorrow, illness, unexpected death. Bhavani is the goddess invoked by women in labor. The ritual was to burn perfume in her honor. As Mother, Bhavani overseas the welfare of women and her children. DEVI BHAGAVATAM states that Bhavani Devi is the original form of Aadhi Parashakti. She is sister to Sri Krishna. Maha Vishnu does penance to seek Devi’s aid for to Krishna avatar. As a result, Devi is born to Yasodha as Krishna’s sister. In the Tamil tradition Bhavani Devi in her personification is known as Magamaaye. 'Maga' is the corruption 'Maha' meaning great. 'Ayi' means mother or grandmother. Thus she is the Great Mother. Goddess Bhavani symbolises her links with Vishnu and Krishna by holding a Sanghu – conch and Chakra. In all the implications are a brother-sister relationship with Sri Vishnu's avatars Sri Krishna. LALITHA SAHASRANAMAM: Also known as Rahsya Nama Sahasra, purports that Bhavani is the Deity that always helps devotees and gives Mukti.. Lalitha Sahasranamam Stotram appears in Brahmanda Purana in the chapter of discussion between Sage Agasthya and Hayagriva, the incarnation of Lord Vishnu with the horse head. At his request of sage Agastya, Hayagreeva taught him Lalita Sahasranamam Stotram or the most holy 1000 names of Goddess Lalitha, the Goddess of bliss. DEPICTION: The Goddess Bhavani has eight arms in which she holding weapons, bearing the head of the slain. The lowermost right hand holds a trident, the next one holds a dagger, above this an arrow and the uppermost right hand wields the chakra. The uppermost left hand holds a shankh, next one a bow, the third one carries a bowl and the lower most left band holds the granny knot of bare on the head of the asur. The right leg of Goddess Bhavani is planted firmly on the body of Mahishasur and left one is on the ground. Between these two legs, the head of the asur is gripped by lower left arm. The Vahana of Goddess Bhavani is a Lion and on the backrest carved the sun and the moon on left and right sides of the Devi. BHAVANI TEMPLE IN TULJAPUR: This is the second among the 'Shaktipeeths'. The Tulja Bhavani of Tuljapur contains the family deity of the Bhosale kings. Shivaji always visited the temple to seek her blessings. It is believed that the Goddess gifted him a sword - 'the Bhawani sword' - for success in his expeditions. Maurya warriors are from the Suryavansha or solar clan. Goddess Bhavani is their Kuadaivat or clan deity. The temple origins are traced back from mythology. The demon Matanga wreaked havoc upon devas and humans. They approach Brahma for relieving from this predicament. Brahma in turn approached Mother Goddess Shakti. As Bhavani, Mother takes the form of Destroyer. Together with the Sapta Maataas, Varahi, Brahmi, Vaishnavi, Kaumari, Indrani and Saambhavi, Mother vanquished the demon. Bhavani also vanquished Mahishasura who took the form of a wild buffalo. Thereafter she took abode on the Yamunachala hill. SKANDA PURANA: History of the Tuljapur Temple is mentioned in the Skanda Purana. There was a sage known as "Kardam" After his death his wife "Anubuti" had performed a penance at the banks of river "mandakini " for Bhavani mata to look after her infant child. While performing the penance the demon known "Kukur" tried to disturb her penance during which Mata Bhavani came to the aid of "Anubuti" and killed the demon "Kukur". From that day onwards the Goddess Bhavani came to be known as Tulja Bhavani. The Tuljapur Temple is on the slopes of the Sahadri range in Maharashtra near Sholapur. The temple has a history since the 12th century. Here Goddess Bhavani is depicted uniquely with a beautiful smiling face. It is said that the face of Sati had fallen in Tuljapur because of which the goddess is decorated in such a way that only her face is visible after covering her with sarees and ornaments. She has no clothes carved on her upper body. The goddess is asta-bhuja in the styles of Durga with eight hands. As Parvati, she has a self-manifested swayambhu Shiv-lingam in her crown with flowing from it. She has an arrow holder on her back. Her victory over Mahishasur represented by the sun and moon. The lion vahana stands near her. The idol is self manifested and movable. It is moved three times a year from its place to the bedroom of Maa Bhavani. Below the lion, sage Markandeya is chanting the durga-saptashati shlokas. NAVARATHRI: Goddess Shakti is worshipped in her nine forms. These Goddesses are also revered independently but Mother worship has its essence in Mother Shakti or Mother Aadhi Parashakti. Navarathri Goddesses: (1) Goddess Durga – Also known as Maa Durga is an embodiment of creative feminine force and is regarded as "the invincible" one. (2) Goddess Bhadrakali – Goddess Bhadra Kali is one of the most popular forms of the Goddess Shakti as mentioned in Devi Mahatmyam. (3) Goddess Amba - Also known as Jagadamba is another form of Goddess Shakti and is regarded as the Mother of the universe (4) Goddess Annapurna – Also known as Annapoorna is an avatar of the Divine Mother and is the Goddess of Harvests. Anna literally means food and grains and “Purna” means complete or full. Hence Goddess Annapurna is the one who bestows food in plenty. (5) Goddess Sarvamangala – Another form of Goddess Shakthi. As Sarvamangala, Devi bestows joy (mangal) to everything (sarva). (6) Goddess Bhairavi – Bhairavi is a fierce form of the Goddess. Devi took this avatar when she became the consort of the Bhairava.(7) Goddess Chandika – Also known as Chandi or Durga Sapthashati Chandika is the supreme Goddess of Devi Mahatmya. Goddess Chandi is described as the Supreme reality, who is a combination of Maha Lakshmi, Mahakali, and Maha Saraswati. (8) Goddess Lalita – Also known as Shodashi, Rajarajeshvari, or Tripura Sundari, Goddess Lalitha is one of the group of Ten Goddesses of Hindu belief, collectively called mahavidyas. (9) Goddess Bhavani - Bhavani literally means "giver of life" is a ferocious form of the Goddess Parvati Devi. (10) Goddess Mookambika - On the 10th day of Navarathri festival, Goddess Shakti is worshipped as Mookambika Devi, the manifestation of Goddess Shakti, Saraswathi and Mahalakshmi. BHAVANI BHUJANGAM: ‘Bujangam’ means body. Bhavani Bujangam is composed by Adi Shankaracharya praising the glorious beauty of Goddess Bhavani from ‘head to toe’. Shankara also stated that by repeating the holy names of Bhavani with pure devotion, one would attain salvation and get rid of sorrow, passion, sin and fear. BHAVANI ASHTAKAM composed by Adi Shakraracharya: Neither the mother nor the father, Neither the relation nor the friend, Neither the son nor the daughter, Neither the servant nor the husband, Neither the wife nor the knowledge, And neither my sole occupation, Are my refuges that I can depend, Oh, Bhavani, So you are my refuge and my only refuge, Bhavani. I am in this ocean of birth and death, I am a coward, who dare not face sorrow, I am filled with lust and sin, I am filled with greed and desire, And tied I am, by the this useless life that I lead, So you are my refuge and my only refuge, Bhavani. Neither do I know how to give, Nor do I know how to meditate, Neither do I know Thanthra, Nor do I know stanzas of prayer, Neither do I know how to worship, Nor do I know the art of yoga, So you are my refuge and my only refuge, Bhavani Know I not how to be righteous, Know I not the way to the places sacred, Know I not methods of salvation, Know I not how to merge my mind with God, Know I not the art of devotion, Know I not how to practice austerities, Oh, mother, So you are my refuge and my only refuge, Bhavani Perform I bad actions, Keep I company of bad ones, Think I bad and sinful thoughts, Serve I Bad masters, Belong I to a bad family, Immersed I am in sinful acts, See I with bad intentions, Write I collection of bad words, Always and always, So you are my refuge and my only refuge, Bhavani. Neither Do I know the creator, Nor the Lord of Lakshmi, Neither do I know the lord of all, Nor do I know the lord of devas, Neither do I know the God who makes the day, Nor the God who rules at night, Neither do I know any other Gods, Oh, Goddess to whom I bow always, So you are my refuge and my only refuge, Bhavani While I am in a heated argument, While I am immersed in sorrow, While I am suffering an accident, While I am travelling far off, While I am in water or fire, While I am on the top of a mountain, While I am surrounded by enemies, And while I am in a deep forest, Oh Goddess, I always bow before thee, So you are my refuge and my only refuge, Bhavani While being an orphan, While being extremely poor, While affected by disease of old age, While I am terribly tired, While I am in a pitiable state, While I am being swallowed by problems, And While I suffer serious dangers, I always bow before thee, So you are my refuge and only refuge, Bhavani Jai Maa Bhavani

I decided to give the Osho Dynamic Meditation a try today, it's been on my list for quite some time. While I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences with that, I want to address a specific feeling which came up during the meditation: For those who don't know, you go absolutely crazy in different ways for 30 minutes before you completely freeze for 15 minutes. The onset feeling reminded me a lot of the Kriya Yoga experiences I made a while ago (not practicing at the moment). The immense stillness and clarity that radiates to infinity, the silence.... powerful stuff. After about 10 minutes though, I felt a pain arising in my chest, where usually I only know the perfect bliss of love. My mind started to enter because I first thought it to be a physical pain - either my lung (still a bit ailing) or my heart. It got ever more intense and a terror started to build up. My mind came up with thoughts of maybe getting a heart attack any second. But why would that happen? I could allow this feeling to a good extend because of my hyper aware state and my willingness to allow everything to be. But this pain... I remembered that this is the pain I know from 5-MeO, from DMT, and even from weed when the fear of death would come up. This pain and the accompanying fear became so intense that I got nauseaus and eventually laid down before the time of this phase was over. I'm still not sure about the nature of this pain, but it brought up such existential terror that I can only imagine it to be a deeply seated pain at the heart of separation. Very interesting. In the next phase, where you dance, sing, talk to yourself with love, I recognized that not only the pain and fear were present, but also intense feelings of guilt and abandonment. I attended to these feelings with love and curiosity - this was very healing, but it feels like the wound has just opened. This stuff is so fascinating to me - that a few minutes of this work can get one to such a point, without even a psychedelic. Looking forward to keep exploring. I feel many will know this specific pain in the heart area, since even for me it was not new, just suppressed for a while. What are your experiences with it, your insights and healing journeys?

So yesterday i absolutely awoken myself as God, the Creator of all of my dream. I become conscious there wasnt any other than me ever. It was shocking because i actually remembered that i had awoken when i was 19-20 years old when i took lsd some times for the first time, withouth knowing at all What was God/non duality etc, But i was in such a Bliss for almost over a year. The Avatar was just not conscious of What that state meant. But as Consciousness i was awake i let go of the identity of for over a year . It was so funny because after awakening and being in that no ego state for almost a year, the ego formed again and It started to create an ideology of "non duality", and of course as God i started to create Actualized, Mooji, The concept of "awareness", and of course i thought the absolute/God was something outside me that i had to "get". I also imagined 5-meo-dmt as breadcrump to remember again What i had forgotten. The astonishment when i realized that i created every detail of the dream is truly jawdropping. And What NOW?? Remember that i am always Now, Able to Create whatever i want! Whenever i start to fall away into the belief i am a thought, i just touch my hands, i say out loud I AM HERE I AM HERE, AWAKE! THIS is what's real, Truth! What do i create? I choose Love, Power and Joy, this is my dream ??️?

What’s really nice about my path now is that even though I come from my heart chakra I’m very grounded and have a constant flow of energy from the lower chakras + my heart chakra. It’s not just my heart chakra taking control, throwing me ungrounded into the beauty of reality. I’ve experienced that, it’s nice but has no substance for me. Doesn’t guide, just insights someone. The first post of mine wasn’t grounded any bit whatsoever, how I needed that release of everything I’ve been holding in. It’s funny how we just keep growing. Sometimes the suffering is the greatest teacher. We may hate, we may love, it really doesn’t matter. As long as you experienced what you were meant to and understand that “now” can be anything, pain, bliss, and it’s all perfect. Neither is better than the other. My path wasn’t easy but I’d never want it to be. There is a love in the pain. A sorrow in the love. A craving, an insight.

@NoSelfSelf Thank you, so by a game you mean we are in charge of the importance we give to things, and thus also in control of the amount of suffering or bliss we experience, is that the extent of our freedom in this life ?

@Leo Gura @7thLetter Hey, don't be discriminating against extraverts guys, just because ya'll feel drained being in social situations. but honestly that's true, when I'm alone I feel insane and depressed, but when I find someone to talk to you, I get all jazzed up and my self-esteem starts flying with the roof when I'm with my friends, it's because extraverts get eachother siked up, and it gives us this high sort of bliss and can accomplish amazing things that just one lone introvert couldn't. But being an introvert is great, because you can think clearly by yourself without having to manage all the ideas flying around. But, don't ever ponder the idea for one second that extraverts can't self-actualize. We just love People, that's the bottom line.

Leo always says that God can dream all sorts of things. an infinite number of possibilities. But I think God is also limited. I mean God is still infinite but its other features limit its infinity. Like Love and intelligence limit the possibilities that God can imagine. Here is a quote from Leo's episode " why God forgives devilry"\ "infinite consciousness can can construct its own physical material hell if it wants to because it's infinite creative potential infinite creative potential means that you can imagine atoms molecules cells creatures aliens angels devils it can dream all sorts of nightmares it can dream bliss realms of beautiful sex and food and whatever other material pleasures you desire money vacations anything the universe can literally imagine anything because it is pure infinite imagination" @Leo Gura what do you mean by if it wants to? Does God dream all these things? or it is not possible as God is limited by its own self?

Well its interesting...your not wrong in the sense that imagination literally is reality. Which is precisely what a dream is. Inside the dream you cannot tell the difference between real and imaginary because there is nothing to contrast it with. However if your state of consciousness changed in which you stepped outside that entire reality, only then would it be seen as imaginary. And then you might wonder - well can you then step to another level of consciousness and step outside of that? And the answer there is no because that is Infinity. You can perhaps reach infinitely higher infinite states but at this point you are God Consciousness or Absolute Consciousness. This is what all the sages discuss- Absolute Divinity- Absolute Love - Divine Bliss- Nirvana - Death, Oneness, Truth, etc... That is not imagination - that is the thing (actually nothing) that imagines!. Now note here I am just pointing to it. The Tao is not the Tao, or something like that. Now, Maybe I'm full of shit and imagining ALL Of THAT!! but hey maybe I'm not? So of course Mario inside the dream can be told by someone that hey this is all a video game, and if he is open enough he can say yeah sure - so if it is but I am imagining its real then what's the difference? It IS real isn't it? And of course he would be right

I've actually made a lot of progress by switching my mindset in meditation towards accepting and loving everything that arises. But I still haven't managed to fully accept and experience the bliss and awesomeness from my peak psych trips. Like last night i managed to accept myself to the point where feelings of disgust came up, and based on my past trips if I can go into the sensation of disgust there is a great relief and release that comes from going deeper and transcending disgust, but I ended up avoiding the sensation and just patting myself on the back for going so deep. It just seems so simple, so when I can't do it i get frustrated. Like accept what is=happiness. But I still find myself here suffering and not enjoying what is.

I was just thinking, that ny country´s name means also "border". What a bliss it is to feel so connected to the place of birth. We will be fine - me and my country.

@erik8lrl Not cried, but there are certain movie scenes or songs that touch me deeply and it feels close to bliss. I've had incredible blissful experiences on psychidelics and it seemed to come from a deep acceptance of reality and dropping judgment, but I can't do this stuff at will. I have a tendency to suppress any crying that comes up. There have been more and more moments at work where I think of something and I get a bit teary eyed, but my immediate response is to cover it up and hide it.

@RendHeaven I mean that I don't feel a deep joy, bliss, etc about my life. Like I want to love my life, and experience it as amazing but I currently don't. If I am a loving person right now, then I want something better than love haha

Relative vs. Absolute Truth I’m watching Leo’s latest video Relative vs. Absolute truth. I always like to see if Leo’s Teaching meshes with that of The Diamond Approach. It usually does. Quite often they mesh pretty well. Because Absolute Truth has a listing of excerpts in the glossary, this would be a good time to see if there are any discrepancies. I haven’t found any. If anyone does find discrepancies, let us know. Arising of Relative Truth is Dependent Upon and in Response to One’s Personal History and the Present Situation The kind of objective truth that I have just described is not what is usually called ultimate truth in most spiritual traditions. But in our approach, when we talk about finding the truth, we include this kind of truth. I call it relative truth. By relative I don’t mean that different people will experience the same phenomenon differently. For example, what I feel as sadness, another person will not feel as hatred; if another person feels what I’m feeling, he or she will feel sad. It is relative truth because its arising is dependent upon and in response to one’s personal history and the present situation. It is the truth we find in the conventional dimension of experience. So, in the previous example, the sadness is an objective phenomenon, but it is dependent on my present experience, in the sense that it arises in response to specific conditions of this time and place. As those conditions change, the truth will change, which makes it relative. Furthermore, another person will likely have another phenomenon or feeling under similar circumstances, because each person’s experience is dependent on personal predispositions and history. It is easy to see this when we look at percepts such as sadness, anger, or love. These simple percepts always arise embedded in specific circumstances, and they are easy to agree upon as being objective truth. The same is true of actions, reactions, and behaviors; it’s easy to see what an angry reaction or a loving response is, for example. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 345 At the Beginning of Inquiry, what You are Exploring is Relative Truth The exact nature of basic knowledge can be understood more precisely when we consider essential experience. At the beginning of inquiry, what you are exploring is relative truth, the truth of conventional experience. In the territory of relative truth, the fact that whatever you are experiencing is basic knowledge is not strikingly obvious yet. You do experience sadness and sensations, but you are still not recognizing those perceptions as knowledge, or knowingness, because of the dichotomy of observer and observed. Knowledge is still seen as the meaning or insight that you discern from your immediate perceptions. You believe that it is something added to the simple perception. Thus in conventional experience, when you see some relative truth, you end up with insights, and the content of those insights is considered to be knowledge. At some point, however, you come to the recognition of what we call “essential truth.” Essential truth is not an insight about something but the apprehending of the immediate reality of the moment. This immediate reality is presence—the quality of beingness—as when one is experiencing an essential aspect, such as Compassion or Strength. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 80 The Fact of What is Happening The first type or level of truth that we encounter is what we call relative truth. Relative truth is the fact of what is happening, and we call it “relative” because it is specific to the person, the situation, and the time in which the experience is taking place; this means it is constantly changing. For example, the relative truth right now is that you are sitting reading this book, and a while ago the truth was that you were doing something else. The relative truth depends on the situation, and tells us the facts of what is happening now. These truths are the most obvious ones, and are the points of departure for contacting a deeper level of truth. If you inquire more deeply into the relative truth of a situation, you will find that the psychodynamic and existential bases of it begin to reveal themselves. Then, at some point, you might start to experience what we call the essential truth, which is the presence of Essence itself. Facets of Unity, pg. 75 Quotes about Absolute Truth Absolute Truth is Non-Spatial We need to remember that the absolute truth is non-spatial, and hence its inseparability from manifestation inevitably means coemergence. It is inseparable from any of its manifestations and therefore absolutely coemergent with all the manifest dimensions. It pervades everything so completely that there is no region, horizontal or vertical, where it does not reach. In fact, it is this understanding that led us to recognize, in chapter 21, that there is only the absolute. For if it pervades everything absolutely, then there is no region where it does not exist. If anything is not it, then it does not reach there, does not pervade it yet. The Inner Journey Home, pg. 438 Every Aspect, Even those of the Nonconceptual Reality and the Absolute Truth is Integrated Through Successive Steps The perspective we follow in this book is that the human being is born with many and various potentials. The more he actualizes these potentials the more he develops and matures. This process of maturation is the realization of his potentials. Most important of these potentials is Being, with all its aspects and dimensions. Each aspect, even those of the Nonconceptual Reality and the Absolute Truth, is integrated through successive steps: the discovery of the aspect of Being, the permanent realization of this aspect, and the actualization of the aspect, meaning the complete integration of it in one’s human life. Any of these steps can be termed enlightenment. However, each one of them involves the working through of some segment of ego, i.e., complete metabolism of it. This working through can appear as a process or as a sudden realization. Furthermore, the human potential cannot be encompassed by the imagination, for it is ultimately beyond conceptualization. Hence it is not possible to imagine something like the realization and actualization of all human potentials. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 184 Self-realization of the Absolute Truth of Being The student may also come to understand that the love might be passionate and consuming, sweet and heavenly, but even that will tend to separate her somewhat from her beloved, for it relates her to it instead of totally disappearing into it. This only deepens her love to the point of totally annihilating all self-recognition. This precipitates the self-realization of the absolute truth of Being, where she becomes one with this dazzling mystery, totally identified with this luminous, crystal black vastness. The student realizes at this point that she is infinite and boundless, a vastness that has no end. It is as if she becomes the vastness of intergalactic space, seeing that this absolute blackness has a crystalline purity and clarity which make the blackness shimmer and glitter with indescribable brilliance. Her mind explodes into absolute clarity and brilliance, her heart a vastness of annihilating intimacy and bliss, and her body a shimmering which is the appearance of the totality of the universe. The Point of Existence, pg. 423 The Absolute is the Absolute and Final Truth of the Soul and Everything Else The aspect of Truth, for example, functions in helping the soul to discriminate between truth and falsehood, and hence guides her in her life and development towards greater and deeper truth. The deepening experience of Truth opens the soul to the ultimate truth, which is revealed to be the Absolute. In other words, the aspect of Truth reveals itself ultimately to be simply the manifestation of an implicit perfection inherent in the Absolute: The Absolute is absolute Truth. It is the absolute and final truth of the soul and everything else. Therefore, the aspect of Truth functions to provide the soul with the capacity of discrimination necessary for her life and development in the world, but also, and at the same time as it does that, it connects her with the Absolute, revealing it as her ultimate truth. The Point of Existence, pg. 441 The Absolute Truth of Being is Absolute Existence which is, at the Same Time, Absolute Absence of Any Weight or Substance She recognizes that it feels mysterious because she cannot determine its nature, which is absolutely indeterminable. She feels total solidity, a crystalline diamond solidity, but at the same time recognizes that she is absolutely nothing, that she is absence itself. The absolute truth of Being is absolute existence which is at the same time absolute absence. It is the source and essence of everything, but at the same time it is total openness, an absolute absence of any weight or substance. The fact that it is absolute nonexistence gives it its annihilating power. The self feels annihilated because it discovers that its absolute essence is total absence. There is actually no annihilation, only the realization of the selflessness of Being, whose absolute essence is totally ungraspable, completely beyond definition. This indeterminacy is experienced as a paradox of being and nonbeing, existence and nonexistence, neither and not neither. The Point of Existence, pg. 423 The Transition From Pure Consciousness to Absolute Truth is a Spontaneous Process. You Just let Yourself Be We each require different lengths of time to dissolve the habit of assumption and the belief in concepts. Some concepts are easier to abandon than others. But the fundamental idea we have to see through is the concept of being a separate entity. Once that goes, everything else becomes easier. You realize little by little that you don’t experience yourself as a separate person. Although you behave as a person and you do things as a person, you don’t feel that way. The transition from pure consciousness to the absolute truth is a spontaneous process. You just let yourself be. Then the darkness encroaches upon you little by little and you get eaten up. That’s probably why people have so many fears about being eaten up and swallowed whole. Ultimately, we will be consumed. From this perspective, the many things that people say about giving, loving, serving, and sacrificing mean seeing through the entity and all of its attachments. What you surrender is your mind. Being a giving person means not holding on to an entity. Surrender means losing the belief that you are an entity. Service means that being an entity is not the end. All of these are conceptual ways to approach the reality. But, in a sense, the reality cannot be approached, because the moment you approach it, you are already dealing in concepts. You are already taking yourself to be something approaching something else. Reality doesn’t really work that way. Diamond Heart Book Five, pg. 178 When You Realize the Absolute Truth You Realize that Everything is the Truth When I say that our orientation is to follow truth all the way to the Ultimate Truth, I mean that the inner journey transcends life and death. When we talk about the ultimate or absolute truth, we don’t mean some kind of mysterious thing someplace. In the beginning it might appear that the truth is some kind of distant, mysterious, unknowable thing, maybe at the depth of your heart or at the center of the universe. But the truth is everywhere and is everything. When you realize the absolute truth, you realize everything is the truth. You cannot see that until you realize the Absolute, its reality and its purity. Then you realize there is nothing else. You forget about spiritual experience. You are not spiritual anymore. You become this-worldly instead of otherworldly. You realize that the world is the Absolute. Everything you see is the spirit, the Absolute. There is nothing else. Diamond Heart Book Five, pg. 150

I get this... But, if I am imagining others and the entire universe this seems like a useless arbitrary limitation. I can't reconcile this idea of me imagining a physical reality and other beings simply to ground myself in reality and then being told some of these things. I have to mature and experience more insights as I do the work. The entire thing seems like an ego. I don't necessarily want infinite power. But, I do want to sing to massive crowds and experience the unity of love with others. That just seems to far away. I know my ego is going nuts tonight. Surrender, liberation and selflessness are likely the only reasonable path. That seems true to me. I know this from 5meodmt experience my state right now is based in ego, limitation and falsehood. But, I also must escape wage slavery because that is worse than death. I also don't agree that power= consciousness. Many leaders like trump have lots of relative power, but low awareness. Perhaps my current interpretation of power is very limited and selfish. I theoretically could have finite power but still be in a reality where I am 'Arcadefire'. I guess, it is really up to me to create it. They are limited just like me, but have a different life. But that is wishful thinking and not reality or actual. I have to mature and face the fucking brutal reality that I am here and no one is going to save my sorry ass. God isn't gonna come from the clouds and make everything okay. It's my own interpretations anyway that make reality what it is. I just... I want infinite love and bliss and heaven. I don't want it to stop. I want to shake the world and DO something. But, I am so limited, selfish, biased, scared, short sighted, distractible etc.. How do I reconcile ambition and surrender? How do I reconcile getting old, going bald etc... But, I also sense as I let go of needing to be successful my drive lowers and I relax more. I don't drive and practice as hard... I have much maturing to do. I still think a lot of your teachings are far too conceptual and I need more reference experiences. TLDR: Overall, my current state is one of egoic attachment and immaturity. I know from my 5meodmt experiences what you are saying is true.

Yeah bro, the bliss is the full acceptance of what is. It's the underlying recognition that it's all well. ❤

Schrodinger's Fagg0t. Is that a dick or a dildo in my ass? I won't know untill someone tells me! That's my subjective experience! If I close my eyes, perhaps the shadow of nîgger can disappear and what can arise is the platonic ideal. I might get into journalling again, mostly on paper, just for the sake of reminding myself of tasks. Serious journalling and reflections is better done on paper, for I don't want the slightest degree of social perception and self-consciousness to taint what I write. Avocado, stretch, ACIM, tea, doesn't matter what order. Some sort of work out. I'll maybe do some my physics reading, "I'll punch that cu** Ta{beep} in the face". Woah, take a chill pill, M. Above all else, you can do this. Thy will be done on earth as it is on heaven. Okay. Edit: Honestly, I've had up to here with both myself, my family, and how I handle my family. Thoughts and feelings of vindictiveness, spite and withdrawal arise for me, but I must instead just listen to the signal of rage instead of being consumed by it. Listen to the signals. I dislike this part of me which does not want to forgive or reconcile. But I first must own it. No words no thoughts can save me or offer consolation. I'm pissed off and fed up. Something David Hawkins said. Every moment, one has to make a decisions/intention. You are never not making a decision. My decision to say nothing or do nothing is still an inner decision, compared to saying or doing X thing. _ _ _ __ _ _ Further edit: In the off chance I ever decide to end it all, know this. I didn't give rat's ass about spiritual this or spiritual that, weird belief this or weird belief that. I did it because I was tired, frustrated, and saw no reason to live I'm seriously trying to think, contemplate about this and reason it out, whether I should kill myself, but all I get from Google are helplines and empty platitudes. It doesn't help that I get a 403 error whenever I try to access that website which had people contemplating this topic honestly alongside methods. I don't know a contextualisation which makes any of this okay, no abstraction or myth or narrative could make the meaningless any better. My passions and joys are gone, and I find no ability to express myself. Two years ago, I was this close to ordering that substance. Nitrous something something, I can't remember the name. Why didn't I click order? Would it not have been better for me? At least that way my family would have a more convenient time to process my death. Now is a rather inconvenient time, and it would be a very asshole move. If I ever do go through with this, I have to leave some good notes or words at the very least, with whatever apology. I met a couple of more people in the last two years, and the ripple of my selfishness would unfortunately spread further. I'll do anything to escape this hell, that's the only conviction I can feel right now. Failing and failing, over and over again. I'm not even that energetic in this consideration of suicide inherently, but when I find myself slipping into my haze of sleepiness and dullness right now, I will myself to think and jolt awake. I refuse to just let the clock run out and have the same patterns repeat again and again. _ _ _ _ The people of my religion and others like david r hawkins said that the date of your death is pre-determined; but if I do a suicide attempt, and then if that is successful, I'd have proved them wrong. But if I fail, well then, I can only laugh, and the joke's on my ass. _ _ _ But the question still stands, how am I to reasonably contemplate and consider this decision? Google results of helplines and whatever other generic garbage, that's hardly a dialogue or consideration. I land at this point again and again, "should I kill myself?". I land at the reality and meaningless of my situation again and again. The same problems again and again. What is happiness and how is it formed for people? Loving companions and friends? Maybe a passionate life purpose? Or is it just the correct balance of neurotransmitters for a state of consciousness? Someone could want to drug me up with whatever SSRI'S, but I refuse that track. It solves nothing. You can gas me up with chemicals of bliss and euphoria and I'd still be miserable, for my depression and angst has psychological and spiritual roots. There's no rush, not right now anyway. I can always grab the rope a year later or at the end of this year. I feel better after typing this all out, and I need to give this all more time to swirl around in my consciousness and see what happens. I remember coming across a 22 year old fellow online who told me, that if he hadn't finished university, spent a year in the army and then got a job by the time he was 27, he'd kill himself. He said it so nonchalantly and casually. If he hadn't got his life together by 27 "(job, house, gf)", he'd grab the rope I found that very bizzare and couldn't understand. How could someone conditionally plan for their suicide in the far future?! That's far too abstract. If you're suicidal, you feel the emergency emotion to do it right away don't you?!! But now I understand that man a little more, and I finally understand what he meant. Very funny, and I now feel more connection to that random man then anyone in the world. But that's still too abstract and cerebral to me, for I prefer a blaze of glory and an emotional high before things end. All I'd need to do is play the right musical tracks before my send off.

Plenty of things to do: True Growth You can outgrow your inability to be alone. This means changing yourself so much, that you won't even bother thinking about the whole issue anymore. It means letting go of the self that is attached to having these feelings. That thinks it needs others and that is identified with having this problem. It can also help to release the need for company. That means welcoming the feeling of loneliness and emptiness. And then letting that feeling go as well. You can do the 2 Steps I described in my post here. Aligning yourself with Truth Meditation, psychedelics... there are many ways to increase consciousness. As you ground yourself more and more in Truth you may find out that you were always alone your whole entire life... or that you where never alone, ever! It doesn't really matter. Because as you dive nose deep into consciousness you also dive deep into Love. And feelings of bliss, joy and gratitude will soon be sharing the space with the loneliness you feel right now. Fake Growth Aka the practical stuff. Meeting more people, changing your lifestyle in a way that you will have enough company to feel happy. You are already doing this right now with the martial arts class. I'd suggest activities that are more about getting to know other people, instead of getting to know a sport. For example you could join a community or club that aligns with your interests (personal development, spirituality, yoga, meditation, finances, toastmasters... whatever). Basically a group of people that are open and meet to talk about something. Or they do an acitvity and then later on stay to talk about it. Speaker events often are like this. You sit for a few hours and listen to a talk, then later you can discuss the topic with the group. Meetups or networking events just to name a few more. While Fake Growth is not the best way, it's definitely better than doing nothing. Just fake it 'til you make it