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@Alfonsoo I think that there is a lot of conceptual work and thought that needs to be put in to be able to get stage SOLID blue up the spiral. this is something that fascinates me more than anything. during my angry atheist stage in life I really started to hate all religion and wanted away from stage blue but now I know that that is the worst think an apostate could do because that just plays into their dogma even more. People who are extremely dogmatic and are basically willing to die for Christ (like my relatives) these people are the hardest to convert, however just loving them and not judging them is the first step. I think that my life calling is to try and help stage blue so this could take me years to master a strategy. Even if you don't convert them, you WILL deepen you connection with these people (or they will show their true hateful nature).Either way you have nothing to lose by loving them. If you are willing to spend lots of time I would recommend reading the bible in depth and try and memories verses, put the same passion into the verses an show them that it is a valid spiritual technology that you want to understand more, but is NOT LITERALLY TRUE. Show them new interpretations that you have that go against their dogma. the "turn the other cheek" style of verses are SO SIMILAR to Buddhism that you could use this. If someone says "man I hate those people in group X" teach them to act like Jesus. tell them kindly to turn the other cheek. modern Christians dont really do this that much. also, remember that their dogma's are not 100% biblical. A lot of what they believe in is simply culturally ASSUMED to be in the bible.Show them how this is wrong and point towards the fact that their 2000 year old faith is more like 50% B.S. made up last century. maybe even allow your self to experience the "Joy of the lord" and pray with them. When I was a believer I got very spiritually high off of praising god. I can now conger up this feeling of love and praise without believing in it. It feels amazing, truly amazing to worship. let them know that you understand the feeling and emotion of worship and join in non-dogmatically. This feeling is from consciousnesses not Jesus. I still listen to Christian Rock music and get the same feeling of Praise that I got with believing in it. I get the high without the low of shame and repression of "sinful thoughts". but I think that: if you are willing to spend LOTS of time with Christians and go to church, love them, respect them and honestly listen to what they say this will increase the chances of them moving up the spiral. I feel like "helping stage blue" would be a greater topic to have a thread about. if you cant change their mind at least you can maybe move them up the spiral a small bit. Also branding spiritual practices like neti neti or mindfulness as "cool thought experiments" may be useful if they Christian in question is a bit closer to stage Orange. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask. this stuff is SO interesting for me. I am free now and I want to free others. I remember what it was like to be SO DOGMATIC and it is not fun in the long run. I am free.

? Thank you, yes that's the intention. In my opinion it's generally more helpful to unravel "wrong knowing" than to "explain how it is" (except insofar as such explanations may help someone do their own unraveling). Not only is "explaining how it is" rather impossible, but it's also prone to becoming just another belief system. Explanations need a frame of reference, and generally speaking ones existing frame of reference tends to only get in the way. Because that's where the obstacles reside. And that's why straight-up explanations are often misunderstood, or not understood at all. So to me "the path" is always subtractive, hence Via Negativa, Neti Neti, etc. Even if that's ultimately just another device. No one ever needs to wake up, but everyone could always do with fewer obstacles. Development clarity and insight are automatic in the absence of obstacles, they are a natural consequence of being alive in the absence of unnatural barriers. Just like you don't need to pull on grass to make it grow. So addressing obstacles is usually the crux of what I try to do, for myself as well as anyone I talk to about this. To quote Jed McKenna, the only construction required is that which facilitates demolition. Or at least, that's one way of framing the approach. Until everything turns out to have always been nondual... ? Therefore reality can't exist in the way that it seems to exist, yes. Foundationlessness would be another equivalence of duality, relativity, finiteness, etc. In short, strange-loopy. But that is part of the illusion, in truth the foundation that's always been hidden in plain sight is consciousness. In other words when you go looking for the foundation of reality, the only possible candidate turns out to be consciousness. And to go one further, it's not even a foundation because there is nothing else apart from consciousness. Which is why all duality can only ever be apparent, not true. Nonduality appearing as duality without actually being duality. Hence illusory. Consciousness pretending to be not consciousness. Some people like to say that nonduality is so flippin' nondual that it includes duality. I think that's a misleading word game, although it may help against overly exclusionary tendencies, so sure fine why not. "Real" is subject to interpretation or redefinition. It's often said that reality is both real and unreal. Personally I'm not a big fan of those kinds of word games, I don't see the value in them except perhaps as cute little tests of comprehension. Tests of your ability to do "nondual thinking", I suppose. And also because it's equally false to stick to one side. Real and unreal is just another duality/mental category. Mental categories are false in the sense that they purport to refer to something pre-existing outside of itself, when they actually don't. So basically they are lies, albeit useful lies. They are how you create past, future, other, and indeed self. They are like a thin layer of narrative draped over an underlying structure, like a secondary layer of apparent duality. Together with the fuel of emotional energy, they form the "gestalts" that make your reality (including especially yourself) seem convincingly solid and objective, and differentiated. That emotional energy is what's refered to as attachment, and where the real work of disillusionment is done. The result being undifferentiated (nondual) consciousness. Even though of course differentiation is also illusory and consciousness has actually always been nondual.

Hello everyone, hope you're having a groovy weekend so far. This is my very first short film where I take the non dual teachings of Leo and others into a dialogue between the higher self and lower self. I even briefly reference the Neti Neti method for a bit! This is a new medium I'm exploring and getting used to, so there's plenty of room for improvement and learning along the way. I hope you find this skit to your amusement, would love to hear your input

I attempted Leo's video on Neti Neti meditation yesterday and had an interesting result. At the culminating moment, I felt vibration throughout my body, but nothing immediately changed. The sky and surroundings didn't look any different, and I assumed that I had been unsuccessful. But as I got up, I had the strangest sensation. I could barely remember what I was doing that day or what I had intended to do next, or even why I had been meditating. I decided to go for a walk. I still can't decide whether this was wishful thinking or imagination or real, but everything felt So Beautiful. The trees, the sky, the people, the grass. I felt immensely present. I put my hand on a tree and remember thinking "oh wow, they already knew." This wasn't like being on psychedelics, my consciousness wasn't exactly elevated, and "I" wasn't completely gone... But "I" felt different. My sense of self felt realllly far away, and reality shone through in a uniquely beautiful way that just felt whole. Could this have been a glimpse of awakening? I don't want to delude myself, but this experience felt beyond wishful thinking.

Neti neti in a nutshell

Here is a list of all the youtube videos. [x] - summary is done [] - summary is not done or missing The first 200 videos have transcripts in the video section of actualized.org, but we still miss almost all of the summaries from the first 200 videos. If you want to contribute to this thread, select one of the videos that still need a summary and post it here. [x]How to Invest In Yourself []Why Life Coaching Works [x]Be Different to Be Successful []Get Coached [x]Inner Game of Career Development [x]The Most Interesting Problem in Philosophy and Science []How I Lost 65 Pounds in 5 Months [x]Understanding Resistance []Mastery [x]Work Less to Accomplish More [x]What's the Worst That Can Happen? []What a Roman Emperor Can Teach You About Happiness []The Number One Reason Why You're Not Succeeding []The Problem of Self-Control []The Art of Solving Problems Permanently []How You Must Think About Failure []Life Purpose - Critical Points For Finding Your Life Purpose []As Good As Your Life Will Ever Get []How to Delegate to Your Subconscious Mind []Garbage In, Garbage Out - Watch Your Information Intake []The $100 Million Dollar Question []Positive vs Negative Motivation []How To Transform Your Entire Life []Personal Development Blueprint - Intro - Actualized.org []Personal Development - The Ultimate Vision of What You Can Be []Life Purpose - The Thrill of Creative Contribution []Success & Creativity - Why You Should Be More Schizophrenic []Personal Development - How Your Mind is Like a Rider Atop an Elephant []Personal Development - Tips About How to Give Advice []Create an Exciting Life - Your 5 Proudest Moments Exercise []Happiness & Success - Should You Work on Strengths or Weaknesses? []Personal Development - Professional vs Hobbiest []Personal Development Blueprint - Mission Statement []Personal Development Blueprint - Charged Life []Personal Development Blueprint - Top 5 Feelings []Personal Development Blueprint - Eliminate Addictions []How to Make Your Life Extraordinary - Actualized.org []How to Do Real Personal Development []Personal Development Blueprint - Meditation []How To Become Successful - The Secrets That Everyone Overlooks []How To Get More Energy - An Approach Nobody Ever Talks About []How To Make A Guy Fall In Love With You - What Guys Really Want []How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You - What Girls Really Want []How To Make More Money - Increase Your Income In Career or Business []How To Become A Life Coach - Every Part of the Process Revealed inDetail []Benefits of Meditation - Top Reasons To Start Meditating Right Now []How To Overcome Shyness - Transform Yourself Into An Extrovert []What Is The Purpose Of Life? - Use Purpose to Achieve Massive Success []How To Motivate Employees - Creating Ultra-Productive Workers []How To Feel Happy - Scientifically Proven Ways of Creating Lasting Happiness []Productivity Strategies - Are You Prolific? []How To Increase Your Results From Self-Help Products by 10x []Personal Development Blueprint - Information Intake []New Years Resolutions - How Getting Back On Track Is A Huge Opportunity []Self Expression - How To Express Yourself & Find Your Authentic Creative Voice []How to Be Happy in Life - Happiness Bottlenecks []Overcoming Fear - How To Slay Your Greatest Demon [x]Sensitivity - Why Personal Development Is Impossible For You Right Now [x]How To Never Quit - The Key To Reframing The Toughtest Obstacles []How Your Subconscious Holds You Back From Greatness []Negative Thoughts - The Origin Of Negative Thinking & How To Eliminate It Forever []How To Succeed In Life - The 6 Key Elements of Phenomenal Success []Fear Of Public Speaking - The One Key To Overcoming It Forever []How To Change Your Life - Making BIG Life Changes Actually Stick []Fear Of Failure - Why We Have It & How To Deal With It []How To Change Careers - Dealing With The Fear & Transitioning Smart []How To Stay Focused - The Key To Being Extremely Productive & ClearMinded []Resume Writing Tips - The Secret Mindset For Writing a Perfect Resume []How To Stay Motivated To Lose Weight - The Psychology of Weight Loss Success []How To Stop Worrying - The Fundamentals of Eliminating Worry []How To Change The World - What It Takes To Have Massive Social Impact [x]Personal Power - How Personal Power Creates Success []SMART Goal Setting - How to Set Extremely Effective Goals []The Subconscious Mind - Using Your Subconscious Mind to Create Massive Success []What Is Ego - How Your Ego Dictates Your Entire Life []How To Get Motivated - Creating a Consistent Drive for High Performance []The Law Of Attraction - How It Really Works & How To Use It []How To Stop Procrastinating - A Step-by-Step Process For Busting The Worst of Procrastination []How To Be More Confident - A Step-by-Step Process for Becoming Truly Confident []Self Actualization - The Most Inspiring Self-Help Concept Of All Time []Positive Affirmations - The Tricks of Using Affirmations to Transform Your Life []What Should I Do With My Life - How To Find Your Passion For Life []Peak Performance - How To Hit and Maintain Consistent Peak Performance In Life []How To Stay Healthy - The Psychology of Maintaining Consistent, Effortless Health []Overcoming Adversity - How To Handle The Most Horrific Life Challenges Ever []How To Become A Vegetarian - Practical Steps You Must Take To Succeed []How To Control Anger - The Shocking Truth Behind Your Anger Problems []Positive Psychology - What Is It & How It Can Transform Your Life []Self Control - How To Develop Self-Control To Create An Amazing Life []How To Relieve Stress - Scientifically Proven Stress Relief Techniques []How To Be Attractive - The Ultimate Attraction Strategy []Why Am I Depressed? - The Shocking Truth Behind Your Depression []Profound Quotes #001 - "All Of Humanity's Problems Stem From Man's..." []True Vision - I Reveal My Life Purpose Until You Can Feel It []Willpower - Scientifically Proven Techniques to Increase Willpower []Redefining Philosophy - How To Become A Jedi Master []How To Become Rich - The Number One Reason You're Not Already Rich []Mindfulness - How To Actually Practice Mindfulness & Conquer Your Emotions []Profound Quotes #002 - "Specialization Is For Insects" []What Is Happiness? - An Extremely Advanced Definition Of Happiness []Self Image - The Amazing, Absolute Key To All Personal Growth [x]How To Stay Committed To A Cause []Introvert vs Extrovert - A Deep Understanding Of Introverts And Extroverts [x]How To Eat Healthy - Create A Super Healthy Meal In 15 Minutes []How To Be A Man - The Deep Core Of Being Masculine []Positive Thinking - The Key To Thinking Positive []Healthy Relationships - What You MUST Know To Sustain A Great Relationship []Dream Life - What It Takes To Create An Extraordinary Life []Best Supplements - What You Must Know About Supplementation []Optimism - How To Become Optimisitic Right Now []Letting Go Of The Past - How To Get Over The Past In Minutes []How To Find Your Passion - Why You Have No Passion & How To Fix It []Critical Thinking - Use Independent Thinking To Build A Powerful Life []How To Motivate Yourself - The Trick Behind Lasting Self-Motivation [x]Emotional Intelligence - Why Your EQ Is More Important Than Your IQ []Cause & Purpose - What Are You Willing To Bleed For? []Id, Ego, Superego - Understanding An Old School Psychology Concept []Self Help - How Self-Help Can Revolutionize Your Entire Life []Life Coaching - The Powerful Benefits Of Working With A Life Coach []How To Start A Business - Bootstrapping A Successful Business []How To Use Technology To Super-Charge Your Personal Growth []Time Management - How To Get More Time In Your Day []State Of The Union - My Camera Dies In Death Valley []The Secret - The Truth They Didn't Tell You []Personal Development Plan - The Essentials Of Getting Results []How To Love Yourself - How To Like Who You Are Right Now []How To Feel Good - Re-Designing Your Life To Feel Amazing []How To Be Yourself - Become Your Authentic Self Right Now [x]True Value - How To Create Success Out Of Nowhere [x]The Power Of Routines - How Your Daily Routine Holds You Back From Your Dreams []Staying Hungry - How To Use Pain For Growth []Relationship Advice - The Master Plan For Creating An Amazing Relationship []How To Become A Millionaire - The Truth No One Tells You []Self Esteem - Understanding & Fixing Low Self-Esteem []Judgment - How You Ruin Your Own Happiness []Profound Quotes #003 - "Children Want Candy; The Intelligent Want SelfControl" - Rumi []Whatever Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger - True or False? [x]What Women Want In A Man - 5 Factors That Hook Women Like Crack []How To Make A Girl Squirt - Give Your Girl An Explosive Orgasm []Positive Attitude - The 3 Pillars To Cultivating Positivity [x]How To Exploit People To Grow Yourself - An Advanced Technique []Stress Management - Permanent Solutions For Stress Reduction []Why I'm A Dick - And Why I Won't Change []Goal Setting - How To Set Goals Effectively [x]Bad Relationships - How To Break Your Cycle Of Painful Relationships []Bad Habits - A Live Exercise For Dropping Any Bad Habit For Good []How To Get A Girlfriend - The Ultimate Guide For Landing A Hot Girlfriend []How To Forgive Someone - The One Trick That Makes Forgiveness Easy []Openmindedness - A Huge Overlooked Obstacle To Self Improvement []How To Make Friends - 4 Sticking-Points That Limit Your Ability To Make Friends []Good Vs Evil - Why Evil Doesn't Actually Exist []Communication Skills - The 6 Keys Of Powerful Communication []Low Self Esteem In Women - Why Women Have Lower Self-Esteem Than Men []Visualization - A Powerful Technique For Reprogramming Your Subconscious Mind []Self Confidence - The Two Essential Avenues For Building Confidence []Why Women Use You For Money - And How To Never Get Used Again []Why Men Cheat - And 8 Ways To Keep Your Man Loyal []How To Follow Advice Without Betraying Yourself []How To Master & Control Your Emotions []Negative Visualization - An Ancient Stoic Technique For Creating Happiness [x]How To Stop Being A Victim - The #1 Reason You Are Stuck In Life []Spirituality vs Religion - The No-Bullshit Guide To Spirituality []Self Discipline vs Freedom - How To Create More Freedom In Your Life [x]How To Deal With Depression - The Key To Breaking Out Of Depression []How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You []How Science Keeps You Stuck In Life - Exposing Problems With "Scientific" Thinking []Why Women Fall For Assholes []Understanding The Authentic Self - Discovering Who You Really Are []How To Deal With Difficult & Toxic People []Leo's List of Top 140 Self-Help Books []How To Stop Watching TV - Why You Must Eliminate TV Right Now! []Luck & Success - Is Luck Important For Being Successful? []How To Meditate - The No Bullshit Guide to Meditation []How To Manage Your Money Easily Using This Budget Template []The Biggest Thing You Should Fear - Halloween Special []How To Be An Attractive Man - Interview With Dating Coach, TrippAdvice []How To Stop Being Lazy - Solutions For Short-term & Long-term Laziness []How To Deepen Your Love For Life - A Powerful Exercise []How To Deal With A Breakup []Why The Most Successful People Don't Do Personal Development []How To Have Amazing Sex - Part 1 []The Truth About Passive Income []How To Practice Gratitude - Xmas 2014 Special [x]How To Stop Being Jealous - Techniques To End Jealousy Forever []Responsibility vs Blame - Why You Are 100% Responsible For Everything [x]How To Study - The Keys To Acing School & College []Beware Of False Prophets - Stop Worshipping Human Personality []What Is Karma? - The No-Bullshit Explanation Of How Karma Works []Stop Demonizing People! - Why You Are Wrong For Calling Terrorists Evil []Spiritual Enlightenment - The Most SHOCKING Truth You'll Ever Hear []What To Do Next After Learning About Enlightenment []The Happiness Spectrum - The Best & Worst Kinds Of Happiness []Paradoxes Of Personal Development []Spiritual Enlightenment - Part 2 - Understanding The Conceptualized Self []The Secret Curse Of Being Human + Bonus: A True Spiritual Exercise! []How To Have Amazing Sex (For Women) - Drive Your Man Wild In Bed []Enlightenment - Part 3 - Creating An Experience Of No-Self []Enlightenment FAQ - Part 1 - All Your Questions Answered []Enlightenment FAQ - Part 2 []All Of Religion Explained In One Video []How To Have Amazing Sex - Part 2 - Increasing Intimacy & Dominance []Understanding Emotions - Part 1 []Feminine vs Masculine Compassion []How To Stop Backsliding - How To Stop Procrastinating [x]How To Become Enlightened - The Exact Step By Step Process Revealed! []How To Be A Leader - Leadership Secrets Revealed! []How To Stop Being A Workaholic [x]How To Meditate Deeper []Science vs Religion - The Absurdity Revealed! []How To Create Your Dream Career - The Ultimate Life Purpose Course [x]How To Unleash Your Ambition - Must-Watch For Ambitious People [x]How To Get Shit Done - The Inner Game Of Being A Results-Maker []My Enlightenment Experience - Exactly How It Happened []Lower vs Higher Self - Understanding Your Two-Faced Nature []Using Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs To Self-Actualize []Masculinity vs Femininity - Psychology Of The Male & Female Mind [x]Meditation Techniques: Do Nothing - The Simplest Meditation Possible []Meditation On Steroids - How To Get The FASTEST Meditation Gains []The Grand Model Of Psychological Evolution - Clare Graves & Spiral Dynamics []Being A Spiritual Seeker, Good or Bad? []One Simple Rule For Acing Life []How To Be Funny - Comprehensive Guide To Developing A Sense of Humor []Contemplating Your Own Death - To Stay Motivated For Life []How To Deal With Criticism, Trolls, and Haters [x]Avoiding Dysfunctional & Abusive Relationships - 30+ Red Flags []Advice For High School & College Students - The Keys To Mastering Life []Curing Perfectionism - How To Stop Being A Perfectionist [x]Mindfulness Meditation - A Complete Guide With Techniques & Examples []A Vision For The Self Actualized Life - Get Yo Ass Inspired! []How To Overcome Creative Blocks & Writer's Block []How To Deal With Strong Negative Emotions []Radical Openmindedness - How To Break Free Of Dogma & Beliefs [x]30 Ways Society Fucks You In The Ass [x]How You Lie - All Your Dirty, Sneaky Lies & Manipulations Exposed! [x]40 Signs That You Are Neurotic - Understanding Neurosis []How To Stop Judging Yourself []The Challenges Of Making Bold Life Changes [x]Understanding Awareness - The Staggering Depth Of Your Unawareness Revealed []Free Will vs Determinism - Does Free Will Exist? []A Rant Against The Pickup Community - Must Watch For All PUAs []The Ultimate Model Of Human Knowledge - All Knowledge Explained! [x]The Most Important Commitment You Can Make + Huge Announcement [x]27 Qualities Of All Successful People [x]The Enlightened Self - A Description Of Your Existential Nature [x]Fake Growth vs Real Growth - What If You're Just Tricking Yourself? [x]How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others [x]How To Be A Strategic Motherfucker - The 7 Pillars Of Strategic Thinking [x]Why Rationality Is WRONG! - A Critique Of Rationalism [x]The Power Of Self Acceptance - How To Stop Beating Yourself Up [x]The Benefits Of Enlightenment [x]3 Step Formula To Be Ruthlessly Effective At Anything [x]Overcoming Addiction - The Root Cause Of Every Addiction [x]How Your Mind Distorts Reality - Needy vs Non-Needy Perception []Enlightenment Guided Inquiry - The Neti Neti Method [x]Grasping The Illusory Nature Of Thought [x]Lifestyle Minimalism - Renouncing Your Busy Stupid Life [x]How To Stop Being A Victim - Part 2 - What All Victims Fail To Understand [x]A Rant Against Morality - Very Foundational [x]How To Stop Moralizing - Removing The SHOULDs From Your Life [x]Meditation For Beginners [x]Awareness Alone Is Curative - How To Auto-Correct Unwanted Behaviors [x]Be Fucking Patient! - How To Deal With Lack Of Results [x]The Psychology Of Small Business Success - Top 5 Errors Of Aspiring Entrepreneurs [x]10 Important Things You Don't Know You Want [x]You're Not Happy Because You Don't Really Want To Be [x]The 3 Levels Of Personal Development Work []The Amazing Power Of Psychedelics - Leo Does Magic Psilocybin Mushrooms! []How To Use Psychedelics For Personal Development []Guided Meditation - The Next Level Of Meditation [x]The Paradox Of Developing Self-Trust []How To Be A Man - Part 2 (Advanced Version) [x]The 64 Most Fascinating Questions A Human Can Ask [x]What's Wrong With Ego? []What Is God? - Leo Becomes Absolute Infinity (Aka God) - All Of Reality Explained []5-MeO-DMT - The Magic Pill To Enlightenment & God [x]Low Quality vs High Quality Consciousness [x]The Dark Side Of Meditation [x]The Mechanics Of Belief [x]How To Harness Your Intuition []The Trap Of Projection, Especially Onto Teachers & Mentors [x]A Rant Against Culture [x]Money Psychology - The Inner Game of Mastering Money []Using 5-MeO-DMT To Become Enlightened - Interview With Martin Ball [x]How To Deal With Confusion [x]Becoming A Sage - A New Vision For Actualized.org & You! []Mystical Traditions Around The World - Nonduality Goes Cosmopolitan! [x]Becoming A Zen Devil - The Dangers Of Half-Assing Enlightenment [x]Uncovering Your Childhood Vows - Unwire Your Neurotic Personality [x]The Pre-mortem Technique - The Trick To Avoiding Project Failure [x]How To Control Anger - Part 2 - Understanding Evil To Death [x]A Rant Against Naive Realism - Reality Is NOT Physical! [x]How I Do Research & Develop Big Picture Understanding []The Launch Of Infinite Insights - Leo's Blog! [x]The Role Of Balance In Personal Development [x]Dropping The Roles You Play []The Gallery Of Absolute Infinity [x]Build Your Infrastructure For Success []AL-LAD Trip Report - A Powerful Tool For Consciousness Work [x]Understanding How Paradigms Work [x]Contemplation - The Most Important Tool For Sages [x]Concentration vs Meditation - How To Develop Concentration [x]The Big Picture Of Self-Actualization [x]True vs False Skepticism []Leo's Super Healthy Blueberry Smoothie [x]The Highest Hero's Journey - What It Means To Be Real Hero []Leo's Super Healthy Vegetable Soup [x]Understanding Default Positions []Leo's Solo Meditation Retreat - 90 Hours Of Nonstop Meditation In The Forest [x]Balancing Theory vs Practice []How To Deal With Loneliness - Especially While Self-Actualizing [x]How To Get Started With Self Actualization - Over 40 Techniques []2C-B Trip Report - Experiencing Physical Death [x]Intro To Systems Thinking [x]Why People Seem Crazy [x]Subtle Addictions []Successful People Are Not Happy []Making Sense Of Paranormal Phenomena & Psychic Powers [x]Understanding Absolute Infinity - Part 1 []Understanding Absolute Infinity - Part 2 [x]What Is Art? - Understanding The Essence Of Art [x]Setting Proper Expectations []Leo Hits Rock Bottom - EVERYTHING Understood [x]Learning = Behavior Change [x]No Growth Possible Without Training [x]Understanding Meaning, Purpose, & Value []Distraction - The Ego's Favorite Defense Mechanism [x]What Is The Devil? - The Mechanics Of Evil [x]How To Raise Rockstar Kids []Correcting The Stigma Of Psychedelics - Part 1 []Learning = Observation []Correcting The Stigma Of Psychedelics - Part 2 []The Topic Of Mindfuckery []Advanced Tips For Self-Inquiry [x]Building Your Existential Vocabulary []How To Keep The Ultimate Journal (Commonplace Book) + LIVE DEMO []Comprehension Has Many Degrees [x]Why Brains Do Not Exist []Reality Is A Strange Loop - The Beauty Of Paradox + GRAPHICS []The Theme Of Things Going Full-Circle [x]Motivational Speech For Building A Passionate Life [x]The Deep Problem Of Marketing [x]Jacques Derrida, Deconstruction, Post-Modernism & Nonduality []All Criticism Is Untenable [x]Self-Deception - Part 1 [x]Self Deception - Part 2 - 60+ Self-Deception Mechanisms []Enlightenment Experience Happening In Real Time - LIVE! [x]Enlightenment Experience Explanation & Key Lessons [x]Self-Deception - Part 3 []Hitler Reacts To Nonduality / Enlightenment - FUNNY! []Life Is A Dream [x]How To Shop For Healthy Food []My Deepest Awakening Yet - Becoming Infinite []The Importance Of Real Yoga []Quantum Mechanics Debunks Materialism - Part 1 []Quantum Mechanics Debunks Materialism - Part 2 []Comprehending The Magnitude Of Reality []Metaphysical Implications Of Godel's Incompleteness Theorem - Part 1 []Understanding Islam - What Most People Misunderstand [x]Shamanic Breathing Technique + LIVE DEMO []Collective Ego - Understanding The Egoic Dynamics Of Social Systems []Going Buddha - 30 Day Meditation Challenge [x]What Is Consciousness? - All Questions Answered []What Is Intelligence? - Infinite Intelligence Explained [x]Spiral Dynamics - Stage Blue [x]Spiral Dynamics - Stage Orange [x]Spiral Dynamics - Stage Green [x]Spiral Dynamics - Stage Yellow [x]Spiral Dynamics - Stage Turquise [x]Understanding Recontextualization []How To Contemplate Using A Journal []Sameness vs Difference - The Metaphysical Foundation Of Reality []How Ideology Works []Life Is A Maze [x]What Is Spirituality? - A No-Bullshit Intro To Spirituality []How To Escape Wage Slavery []Body Awareness - How To Relax Your Body [x]What Is Love? - Advanced Spiritual Explanation [x]35+ Subfields Of Self-Help []What Is Actuality? - Distinguish Direct Experience vs Concept [x]Mankind Is The Bullshitting Animal [x]Nootropics - Top Supplements For Increasing Mental Performance []The Radical Implications Of Oneness (Halloween Edition) [x]65 Core Principles Of Living The Good Life [x]What Is Perception? - The Metaphysics Of Perception []Spiral Dynamics - Important Insights & Nuances [x]The Ten Ox-Herding Pictures - Zen's Stages Of Enlightenment Explained []The Counter-Intuitive Nature Of Life [x]Understanding Ego Backlash [x]Spiral Dynamics - Areas Of Application []How To Do Self-Inquiry [x]Cult Psychology - Part 1 - How Cults Work []Cult Psychology - Part 2 - The Big Picture [x]What Is God? - Part 1 - A No Bullshit Explanation For Smart People [x]What Is God? - Part 2 - Clear Answers To 70+ Commonly Asked Questions []Aztec Nonduality - Profound Life Lessons From Aztec Philosophy []Leaving On 30-Day Solo Retreat []Becoming God - Insights From 13 Back-to-Back Awakenings []Understanding Duality - Part 1 - Master List of 250+ Dualities []Understanding Duality - Part 2 - Scientific Dualities []Understanding Duality - Part 3 - Existential Dualities [x]Life Unfolds In Chapters & Phases [x]The Power Of Asking Questions [x]What Is The Point Of Life? - An Advanced, Life-Changing Explanation [x]Understanding Survival - Part 1 - The Metaphysics Of Being Human [x]Understanding Survival - Part 2 - Advanced Insights About Survival [x]Understanding Relativism - Part 1 []What Is Reality? - A Radical Explanation [x]How Authority Works - Where Does Truth Come From? [x]Conscious Politics - Part 1 - The Deepest Political Analysis You'll Ever Hear [x]Conscious Politics - Part 2 - Foundational Insights About Political Ideology [x]Conscious Politics - Part 3 - The Core Principles Of Conscious Politics [x]Conscious Politics - Part 4 - 100+ Specific Policy Proposals [x]Self-Bias - Why All Worldviews Are So Skewed [x]What Is Truth? - The Definitive Answer [x]The Power Of Letting Go - How To Overcome Clinginess, Attachment, OCD [x]What Is Love? - Part 2 - The Brutal Nature Of Love [x]How Fear Works - Part 1 - The Ultimate Guide To Dealing With Fear [x]How Fear Works - Part 2 - The Ultimate Guide To Dealing With Fear [x]Understanding Impermanence - Why Reality Is Always Changing []Announcement - Actualized.org Launching On Patreon + Vision For The Future [x]The Many Facets Of Awakening - List of Top 30 Enlightenment Insights [x]How Corruption Works []The Dangers Of Spiritual Work [x]How To Discover What's True - A Deep Inquiry []Content vs Structure - Going Meta Is A Super-power [x]What Is Death? - How Immortality Works []Self-Love - The Highest Teaching In The Universe [x]Division vs Unity - The Engine That Runs Reality []Why Reality CANNOT Be A Simulation - A Clear Answer []Reproduction Is An Illusion - Why It Doesn't Matter If You Have Kids []Total Awakening Live In Real Time - Part 1 []Total Awakening Live In Real Time - Part 2 [x]Explicit vs Implicit Understanding []How Psychedelics Work - Making Sense Of Psychedelics []How Society Evolves - Introducing The World Values Survey []I'm Leaving To Pursue Awakening & Healing - March 2020 [x]Outrageous Experiments In Consciousness - 30 Awakenings In 30 Days []How Openmindedness Works - Exercises To Open Your Mind [x]Life Advice For Young People - Part 1 []How To Forgive Anyone Who Hurt You - A Powerful Trauma Release Exercise []Learning = Making Distinctions - The Secret To Rapid & Deep Learning [x]Life Advice For Young People - Part 2 []The Ultimate Structure Of Reality Explained []Understanding Democracy & Authoritarianism

Ok, so basically you start listing things in your life, concepts really, that dominate your experience, and saying 'forget so and so...' So an example for me would be: Forget enlightenment. Forget awareness. Forget spirituality. Forget Leo. Forget Rupert Spira. Forget frustration. Forget regret. Forget eating. Forget wanting. Forget love. Forget God. Forget mum. Forget my brother. Forget family. It feels like you're purging concepts out of your system. It helps if you're feeling a bit frustrated with it all. It's almost like an act of letting go and seeing what you're left with, similar to Neti Neti meditation. Eventually you'll be labelling things that are coming into your mind. Like, forget obligation. I drifted off to sleep doing this and had a really profound dream about enlightenment. So you're reprogramming the subconscious mind too. Give it a go. I wanted to share as I found it really interesting and cathartic. I may choose a word that's a bit kinder than 'forget.' At the time I was fed up. I might be kinder to myself and say 'thank you' to those things instead, for making an appearance. Thank and you and farewell. Who knows. Forget works well though.

My job neither satisfies nor challenges me. I do it for the money. Yeah, that's a problem. I see. Atm I don't have the courage to quit, yet. Catch 22: When I'm tired and anxious after work and think about quitting and working somewhere else, I project my current anxiety into the future and think things like "I will never find another job and run out of money". Gotta figure out how to break that cycle. Because when I am free of depression and anxiety on weekends or holidays, I definitely know that I would easily find a better job or start a business. But I still lack the courage to do so. Yeah, pretty much. Helping people who suffer any disability to lead a life that makes them happy. Right. I know what you're talking about intellectually, but I have not yet had any insight or awakening experience to that matter. My ego is still firmly rooted in materialism and identifying with external things, pain and pleasure and the like. How do I do that? Atm during meditation I observe the pulsating impermanence of sensations, like the visual flickering or the auditory switching between loud and quiet (due to one of those books on Leo's list). Additionally, I sometimes "shoot aliens" - meaning I label sensations as fast as I can. I have not yet discovered who or what is actually aware of sensations. Maybe I should try Neti Neti? So you're saying I can just switch the story I'm telling myself around? Is it that simple? Granted, language is one concept I use in order to label the world around me and inside me. And I've long suspected that language is the most powerful tool to achieve/change/influence anyone or anything. But won't the ego defend itself against my simply altering its story? Will it not see through that? Anyways, I will try to just tell a different story to myself. Actually, I am very grateful for you sharing this. Thank you!

Well my friend. Yes, let's get real. Non-duality means not one, not two, not nothing, not form, not emptiness, not this, not that. Neti neti neti neti neti. When I write "God" , "Self" it is just how I feel it resonantes most with what I feel I am. I don't actually feel like a self with any desires. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I am. I can call it God / Self / Consciousness / Nothingness but all labels miss the actual point. The Godhead naturally cannot know itself. Just like teeth cannot bite itself. Like eyes can't see themselves. Like a hand can't hold itself. So I know that I don't know myself. I don't know what I want. I have faith that whatever happens is what I want. I trust the Universe and in that sense I'm just a wave in an infinite ocean being pushed by that. But I don't resist it. I have let go completely. And that is probably the best definition of enligthenment. A complete letting go. Another definition of the true nature of reality -- instead of "God" , "Self" -- could be that it is a musical thing. There exist no things. Only patterns. Only music. Only the dance. Reality is an infinitely complex musical happening with no beginning and no ending. I am that. I am music. <3 Yes, instead of saying I'm God or The Self I could as well say I'm the Spaghetti Monster and it would be just as true. I don't know what I am, and I'm fine with that. If you can be truly fine with that, truly rest in not-knowing, then you are free. Love <3 oh last thing "There is nothing left to adopt another concept of what I was, it was just recognized to be nothing, which was always the case." No, you are not nothing. You can't say what you are. As long as you believe yourself to be X or Y, i.e. "nothing", "God" , "emptiness", "Self", "Consciousnes" you are not there yet. I like saying I'm God and that everything is God. I'm just playing around: I'm fully aware that language can't grasp actual truth. :-) Language is a dualistic invention. A game God is playing =) Best of luck to you God.

Linguistic / symbolic pointers can be very helpful to those that have had a glimpse and for those that are clarifying, integrating and embodying. Analytical minds tend to focus on the words, rather than that which is pointed to. A rational path can be very laborious and time consuming. Similar to neti neti. One approach to take a back door into the fortress of an analytical mind is zen koans. Yet the problem here is that most intellectual minds don’t have the focus, discipline, perseverance or patience for this. . . . Another approach is a psychedelic. This will dissolve the analytical fortress and gives a good chance for a good look. Yet quite often, the mind will later contextualize as an ‘experience’ at its baseline conscious level dominated by rational thinking. Yet for most minds, there will now be cracks in the fortress which may allow pointers to enter. There are also nonduality speakers that are skilled with intellectual minds. Rupert Spira is very good at disarming the intellect and Roger Castillo is good at clearly communicating through the intellect.

@Preetom Yes, I've been doing this process of elimination/Neti Neti type of self-inquiry for months. It's becoming more and more clear that there is "something" prior and more fundamental than all perceptions.

I think it's just a matter of exposing yourself to the truth many many times at deeper and deeper levels each time to get it to stick. A few people have told me that it took them 3 years for "full awakening". I think, if you're practising powerful stuff like neti neti, kriya yoga and working towards at least 10 day 5meo retreats...it would take no more than 10 years. It would be a big mistake to think your gonna get it without the practices. I do an hour and a half of kriya yoga and self enquiry everyday. If, after a handful of 5meo retreats, ive made significant progress I'll consider the prospect of doing 2, 1 hour sits a day. Might try it over summer. Then aim towards the 30 day 5meo retreat, but I'm nowhere near there yet

Hello, most of my previous posts are nonsense as I was quite mentally ill at the time, possibly due to spirits entering my auric field and messing around with my mind. This one should hopefully make more sense. So, I have a lot of spare time both while I am at work and when I am at home. That is because my mind isn't really busy with anything and nothing seems to work in terms of practices for me right now, and not much reading. And also because I work in traffic control, holding a stop-slow bat and often standing around doing nothing while I wait for a car to stop. So both at work and at home I have time to do some mental practice of some sort. What kind of mental practices could I adopt while I am at work or at home in the direction of enlightenment? I have been using the neti neti method for a long time now without knowing it, but that is more of a lifestyle practice for me and not one I use in my mind in one short term session. I also don't feel to use the I am not this body then what am I question at work or at home it doesn't work for me. I have an interest in Jnana Yoga as I am always using my mind for the pursuit of enlightenment and not my body. Sorry if this is the same kind of post as Leo's list of Enlightenment exercises. I am just curious as to what kind of exercises I could practice at home and at work without getting distracted. And also I would highly appreciate if these exercises are of Hindu origin or Jnana Yoga or Yoga in general. Thanks

It's probably because you haven't had a true Self-realization experience yet. Its a non-experience actually, until the mind comes back and says "what the fuck was that?" Then, the mind claims it was an experience "in time", of course. I love the saying, "what's looking, is what you're looking for"....and its so true! I find that neti-neti Self inquiry seems to work the best. However, years ago while watching a video I had a major awakening and no matter what ever happens I'll never forget it, ever. Then, more sporadic awakenings through the years. Doesn't mean I'm not still attached to the mind, unfortunately that waxes and wanes. Depends on what you mean by die? The body does not need to die...but when Self-realization happens the mind is gone. The mind doesn't stay gone though, not for anyone, as thinking needs to happen during life. You just realize there isn't really a "thinker", just thoughts occurring. ?

@Meta-Man @bejapuskas wow. Lsa is much more natural feeling than lsd, a lot more clear headed and beautiful too. I did the neti neti method from leo and I became the infinite nothing field. Lsa visuals were unbelievable beautiful, and the warm fuzzy sensations in my body was amazing. I saw fractals and realized thing about myself I didn't know.

Hello mate, Yes, I have had the same on/off experience for years. I used to think it was related to my use of psychedelics - a few days, weeks or months after I dosed, I would feel great and like the world made sense. Then, before I knew it I was back to earth and stuck as myself and I didn't understand why. In many ways, it is related to psychs, because psychs give you that key insight. But what I missed at the time was the depth of the insight. It wasn't til I started to sit for way longer - practicing the "neti, neti" method and doing nothing for at least an hour a day - that I gained the confidence to stand as awareness all the time. At the time of writing I haven't slept for 48 hours, despite the fact that I tried. A few years ago I would panic and mope around desperately looking for somewhere to rest my head. But I'm not, because I know now beyond all doubt what the truth is. I feel it my heart and my bones. TLDR; Find a practice that gives you that key insight and drill the fuck out of it.

Even doing self-inquiry once can point in the right direction. You'll at least get closer to the truth even if you don't have an enlightenment experience. Just watch the Neti Neti video and follow along with the exercise. It will be so much more helpful than all of this theorizing. Theorize again after you try this lol.

You are the perceiver, and the perceived. You are just as much the screen in front of you as you are your body or the brain. This confusion is a great sign. Nobody on this forum can give you the answer to what you are. It cannot be communicated. We can only point you in the right direction. I highly suggest you try self-inquiry. You can start with Leo's Neti Neti technique video, and then "how to do self-inquiry".

March 7th Meditation and Spirituality Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- This went really well today. I am beginning to realize more and more that happiness is based on how well we allow the present moment just to be. Many times when I go about my day I am resisting the present moment and this creates dissatisfaction. By truly letting go and allowing the present to be no matter what, this meditation can prime me for the day. Also, I want to be sure the rest of the day is an extension of this meditation. This means to be present as much as I can and to fully allow what is. Spirituality: Neti Neti (60 minutes)- Today for my spirituality practice I did Leo's "Enlightenment Guided Inquiry" visualization, which is the "Neti Neti" method. I like to re-watch this video every so often to ensure everything that is experienced is being considered during the investigation of who I am. This video also helps me realize other "things" I may not be questioning when I do self-inquiry myself. Even though I don't mention it often, I do Kriya Yoga on a daily basis well as part of a spirituality practice. Health and Wellness Today I worked out for the first time since December. I would like to tone up a bit, so I've been doing weight training and plan to do so going forward. Because I don't enjoy the process of working out all that much, I would like to keep my exercise time to 30-40 minutes going forward. In regards to my nutrition, I did not have the healthiest day of eating. I am at my parent's house, so we had a lot of processed food. This will not be the case when I am back at my apartment. However, I want to concentrate on eating healthier on the two days that I am at my parent's house. I brought much of my healthier food home with me, so I can have some of that tomorrow. Weekly Goal: Work out both days this weekend (Saturday and Sunday). Social Confidence I am getting even closer to the end of my book. Next week, there are many practical steps and techniques I plan to take. These techniques involve gaining awareness of the sensations in my body when I feel anxious, being aware of what I say to myself in social interactions (internal voice/inner critic), and other exercises. Eventually, I will get to the next chapter, which is to take bold action. Taking bold action is the key step I've been missing in all of my failed attempts to overcome social anxiety. I do intend to bite the bullet and make a lasting change this time around. I was able to identify my top strengths and my purpose. This will help ground myself so I know how to express myself in front of people when the time comes. Weekly Goal: Say to myself over and over, "I am not responsible for other's feelings," and "What do I want in this situation?" Before interactions, come up with a purpose of what you want to get out of talking to another person. Do the exercises that require me to be aware of sensations in the body and how my inner voice is communicating.

This video isn't necessarily about Neo-Advaita, but more about 'Halfway' teachings, that only give half the story. This is commonly known as: The path of exclusion, Neti-Neti, The Void etc and is a remarkable breakthrough, and is often essential to take a step back from the world to realize ourself as Natural Pure Awareness, and our true being. But, many seem to end there, and think suddenly Life in terms of the world is just over. This is why Traditional Indian/ Eastern teachings always felt very unnatural to me, things like forced Cellibacy (can occur naturally, whole other conversation), the denial of life general just felt incomplete. You could call that the 'Inward' part of the path, which is ESSENTIAL as I said, but far from complete. The next 'step' so to speak, is to then go back out in the so called world, with this understanding of our true being, and live this understanding in life- Relationships, Work, Activities, Thoughts and Feelings. Anyone can be at peace alone in their room, that isn't that much of a true 'test' of an awakening, as Ram Dass (RIP <3) said- 'If you think you're enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents.' It's of course a joke but illustrates this point well. I feel many fall into this trap of demonizing the world, body etc and simply Crystalise here. Integrating and expressing this outward path is most commonly seen in the Tantric approach, where the World, Body and Mind are actually embraced instead of denied. It is also happening a lot more in the West as Westerners merge their love of the world, with this true understanding of their own being. Once you know your true being, the world is no longer something that needs to be denied or run from, it can instead be a vehicle and an expression of this true understanding is the most beautiful ways possible. It gives us complete freedom to express this understanding in all realms of experience, and is the final peace and joy that is meant for us. Non-Duality= Duality. I think this video is a great example of this, and explains this well. Rupert says it better than I ever could

Hello Forum ?? First post, I hope it’s readable. ? I’m currently reading “Who Am I? Meditation” by Ramaji, and the book introduced me to what Ramana Maharshi called the “Heart on the right”. He said that the “Heart” is where the I-thought will die and that this is done by dropping the I- thought back down into the Heart each time it escapes home. After I’ve been doing the following practices on a consistent basis since December last year; • Mindfulness meditation with labeling + concentration practice, • Neti Neti Meditation, • and Kriya Yoga preparatory exercises, first small improvements to my ability to rest in this thoughtless state have been noticeable. As well as stimulating my third eye for the first time and experiencing some tingling on top of the head. Anyways. For three days now, I’ve been experiencing some sort of pain on the right side of my chest. I’m physically active and eat healthy and would be very surprised if it was caused by a physical condition. That’s why I’m posting on this part of the forum. I was wondering if anyone could help me figure out if what I’m experiencing is what Ramana Maharshi called the “Heart”. I would love to hear about your experiences with the “Heart”. I’m quite confused. ?

The trouble with “This” is that it is a word you learned so it’s keeping the cognition of the mind active inherently by proposing it. You’d have to realize it’s a word. “It’s This” is great for the already realized to recommend...but then of course, it simultaneously reveals a “lack of full realization” in it’s very usage, a “half baked enlightenment”, if you will, which of course, is it’s perfection. The second “problem”, is that when people simple say “It’s This”, they know what they really mean is, “It’s Me”. Add “no self” in there, and the listener may be adding decades to their path. The anti-thesis, or anti-usage works in exactly the same manor (it’s inherently dualistically divisive). One is referencing “This”, to, you, knowing you are attached to the word, “This” (and the world) and therefore it would not be helpful to say “It’s Me” - to you, so they say, “It’s This”. It’s sort of like answering with “Fuck You” (without the “there’s no you”). Then, in your triggeredness, which is immediately followed by the realization they haven’t actually said anything that could justify triggering you...you’re left in a contemplative (and not knowing) state. Which again, is perfect. If you’re going to attempt the rare “counter” “outer world” awakening, at least use neti neti. Or practice meditation until your mind is calm enough to practice self inquiry properly (without attachment). Ya might realize, and therefore not even need self inquiry. Every One’s untangling is unique (because it isn’t, sorry, lol) Or cut all the shit by inspecting thoughts on paper. Or don’t. (Sorry..this is just an expression of the counter for your benefit, and not) Maybe instead, write that question down, and question if “paper” is a thought, or a thing. Then, if “thing” is a thought, or that. Then forget the question because it’s inconsequential. Instead, question the “me” in your question, that you wrote...which you are looking right at.

? He was having a tough go at it, this is true, but I also think it was fate that he was meant for that job. He started dating that managers daughter who he dated for 5 years and now I have a grandson, because of it. He would've found something. It just would've taken more time. We have to get you thinking positive, despite the negativity happening. Remember, I quit a job and went through thousands of my savings....before getting another. Got it! I'll help you with it! Well, for now, it is what it is, try not to feel badly , it's just going to make things worse right now. I would do anything for my son and I'm sure your parents feel the same for you. There are many, many neti-neti vids, but figured since we are on Actualized.org I'd post Leo's. Gotcha, well then, the situational aspect can make the chemical imbalance worse. Be conscious of that. In that sense, counseling can help counteract it. If you have health insurance for it? Otherwise, positive thinking can do the same. I've had many ups and downs in this career of mine for the past 13 years. I've regretted my career many times, but I'm just too damn old to start over and to damn stubborn to make less $$ then I am now. So, I keep plugging away. Some days are better then others and today was a bad day.

That's okay. I appreciate all responses you have given me. Well then he got lucky. I mean if you didn't know someone like that manager, then what would you have done to ensure that your son would be able to secure some kind of job? What if I never get into the right place and right time? I actually didn't PM you anything yet. I will sent it today. I just got so pre-occupied with other things going on in my life. That's for the time being, but my parents are both already over the age of 70 and I don't know how much longer they are going to live, let alone be able to continue to support me. I also feel so guilty for continuing to be such a burden to them while they don't get to enjoy the end of their lives being happily retired. I don't know what neti-neti meditation/inquiry is. Though I have been meditating frequently, if not almost everyday since the beginning of last September of 2019. My depression is a combination of both situational and a chemical imbalance.

I read your post yesterday. I'm sorry I didn't reply. I forgot, to be honest. That's great news that they offered you a job! I understand your not a morning person (me either). You'll have to decide if you want to try or not. I guess it depends how scarce jobs are were you live. I mean, if others are having a hard time too, because of supply and demand. I remember when my son was applying for his first job when he was 16. I kept saying what is the problem? Why is no one calling you? He finally yelled at me and said, "I've been telling you...there's too many ppl looking for a job and I have no experience!!!!". Anyways, we finally helped him get a job at a car dealer as a porter, because we knew the manager, so he gave him a shot. Yes and no, I had worked there twice before years ago, so they knew I did good work and my documentation skills are darn good. So, it was right time, right place, really. But, yes, they still offered it to me, without me asking, which was still surprising. I didn't get a PM from you. Are you having trouble sending it? I will have more time to review it on thursday night, if you can get it to me by then? I know you'd rather be independent, but at least you have them to lean on for now. They won't let you be homeless at least, which was one of your worries. It's not worth it. I'm a suicide survivor and I'm telling you that thought can cause loads of suffering, but you aren't your thoughts. You need to learn to create a gap between you and thought. Have you ever done neti-neti meditation/inquiry. If done right, you see you can't be what you perceive and you can have a break through. It seems your depression is situational, not because you have a mental illness, right? Maybe you could benefit from a bit of counseling ? ❤