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About Shmurda

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  1. Hey man, I read your questions and they're very specific and personal. There's only two ways you're gonna get answers to these questions: you answer them yourself as honestly as you can, or you work with a therapist who is able to fully understand where you're coming from. I used to think that others could help me out of a rut like the one you seem to be in. Then I realised that my belief that someone was going to help me was actually making it harder for me to overcome. Consider that you are the only one who understands your issues, and you are the only one who can get over them. Lastly, you absolutely must have a daily meditation habit if you want to maintain perspective on this matter. Otherwise you're just going to be a slave to this perceived suffering. Try to keep some distance from your self and the pain. This way you will be able to see it more clearly and deal with it better. Determination is key.
  2. Hi guys I've been on the path for about two years now. I'm well versed in no-dual teachings, practice meditation daily and have had some breakthrough psychedelic experiences where I experienced myself as God. Right now I'm practicing self inquiry, and I'm realising just how unwilling my seperate self identity is willing to surrender itself to awareness. I get deep into the present moment and identify the illusory identity within it, but no matter how much I let go of all identification, the seperate self hangs on and is ready to jump back into action the moment I get distracted. I've read about dying to your seperate self and"dissolving the self into love". Any tips on how to get the self to actually die?
  3. Hey, Interesting post and I'm glad you put this here. It gives me the opportunity to ask an honest question that probably would be shot down by a lot of people who are grieving George Floyd right now. Why do you care about this guys unjustified death, compared to all the other fucked up shit that happens in the world all the time? Just to list off a few examples: Industrial animal farming and the thousands of sentient beings that die every hour, the patriarchy and the countless women who have suffered and died because they were treated as less than men, wealth inequality and poverty and the hundreds dying in Africa and the middle east every day so that we in the west can sit here getting fat. Why do you choose to grieve George Floyd so explicitly but not these other things? Is it just because its popular on social media right now? Sorry if this seems insensitive. I have the best intentions and genuinely just want to find out your thought process.
  4. Interesting post. Perhaps someone can provide a reviewed source or some evidence beyond an anecdote that a person can actually live healthily without food? For example a scientific study or a record of observation of someone who, say, didn't eat anything for a few years.
  5. Having used a variety of psychedelics, I notice differences in the after effects and how they affect your life hours or days after a strong experience. Here is my perspective. Perhaps you could share yours and we can compare? N,N DMT - I feel somewhat mentally drained the day after, but I the experience remains fresh in my mind, like seeing a great movie and remembering it the next day. LSD - I feel very mentally drained the day after. However, for the most part the afterglow can last for days. Its that experience of walking down the street, feeling comfortable with the world and appreciating its beauty. Significantly reduced death anxiety or anxiety of any kind for up to a few weeks. However, this is not always the case. In the past I have suffered brief bouts of anxiety a few days after the fact. Mushrooms - The same as LSD. A very homely, earthly feeling. As if everything is in its right place, and it always was. It's just that now you remember the truth. The things felt and realised during the trip can be brought back with you into consensus reality. Ketamine - The real maverick here, and basically my reason for starting this post because its such a mind fuck. The breakthrough experience is an epiphany of pure one-ness that literally debilitates my body and smashes every attempt at conceptualization. Its so incredible but completely indescribable. Then, the day after I feel like total shit. Anxiety is through the roof, judgement of myself and others, old mental patterns such as shame, social anxiety and general confusion return. The skeletons of past-trauma that i thought had been overcome are re-animated. The memory of the breakthrough itself is nothing more than an after-thought "oh yeah, that was incredible... i think." Very strange. 2C series - Little to no effects the day after usage except mental tiredness. Although there is something similar to the confusion that occurs post ketamine. Similarly, I can remember that the experience of the peak was mind blowing, but I can't describe in what way. Another experience where I take not much, if anything positive into my daily experience. So, ime, mushrooms and acid can bring an enjoyable afterglow and ability to integrate some part of the breakthrough into sober reality, whereas, with ketamine and 2c series, the experience can be as much if not more mind-blowing, but I don't experience anything that could be beneficial to sober reality and actually the ego backlash is quite unpleasant. What after glow experiences do you have with various psychedelics?
  6. Thanks for the clarity guys. Much love xx
  7. I see a lot of talk in the spiritual domain about how, when we go to the root causes of our activity, love and fear are the only two forces in life. I also see a lot of teachers warning against those who frame reality in dualities, and that a trinity is necessary to capture the relative nature of our finite human existence. This seems like a contradiction. If there is only fear and love, that is a duality. What am I missing?
  8. @tsuki thanks for the response. I guess what I'm asking is, how do we get from Stuff + conditional identification (waking) To Stuff + unconditional identification (dream) If meditation is the inactivity of the self, then by my understanding, the way to trigger a dream state would be to disidentify from self in waking life and to become self as imagination. So I guess my question is, how can you do this when you are aware that you are in the waking state? Is there a way to focus your attention to enter dream state or must you always rely on eventually getting distracted from waking reality and falling into dream state?
  9. Some more of the typical reductionist statements that never allow philosophical and practical discussion on this forum to get off the ground. Yes, I know this, that's why I'm here but I'm also not presently aware that I'm pure consciousness, hence why there is anything to discuss at all.
  10. @tsuki Interesting. So you're saying you think meditation is the inactivity of the self. So if one is comfortable and in a deep state of meditation, this the same as being asleep? I thought that meditation also included a self-aware witness of experience. For example, I can bring myself out of meditation whenever I want, by virtue of knowing I am meditating. I don't know when I'm in deep sleep. Perhaps you could answer the first iteration of the question, in your experience?
  11. When you become more conscious, you are able to witness the activity of the self with more clarity. This also extends into the sleep process. When we are going to sleep, at some point our attention dissolves, removing the feeling of the subjective perspective. This is the point at which we are no longer going to sleep and we cease to identify as a body, mind or ego. But as we become more effective meditators, we become more acutely aware of this shift from being the one going to sleep to ceasing to be aware of anything. This means at some point we must stop being consciousness that is aware of going to sleep and simply become consciousness itself. Recently I have realised that, for my whole life, I have relied on lying down and becoming distracted by the contents of the mind and simply drifting into sleep. However, recently my mind has become so sharp that I am constantly aware of my conscious experience. Thus I can no longer get to sleep by relying on distraction. So my question is, if you are constantly aware that you are conscious, how do you consciously enter the sleep state? Or, another way of phrasing it, how do you meditate to sleep?
  12. Heed this! Attention is either on the True Self (as in meditation) or attention is on your True Self playing the game of life (as in your every day state). If attention is on your True Self playing the game of life and you feel bad, then how can you play the game in such a way as you feel good? One mistake I've made is thinking that, if I feel bad, I need to put my attention on the True Self more. Actually I should have put my attention on how the True Self is playing the game and from there I change things in my every day state to align with the Truth. Eating healthy is a good one. I find making progress in a skill, or teaching others, is another great way to channel the will of the True Self but it really depends on you as a person.
  13. I think you're experiencing this because you're pondering the absolute and endowing it with objects like problems and solutions. Whether the set of problems is greater than the set of solutions or vice versa, this set must exist in a universal set which contains them both. This is what is meant by non-duality. This also what is meant by the absolute self or God. Now, if there's only one universal entity then everything that happens is the activity of that one entity. It doesn't go anywhere or encounter anything other than itself so it plays with itself (lol). This is what is meant by Love. You can become directly aware of these concepts through transcendent experiences and realise that they are also the same thing.
  14. It sounds like you're looking for a transcendent experience e.g "I have had few insights but..." "...and want to believe that..." This kind of thinking is only going to distract you more. Because of what you're doing, your mind must be begging for distraction. If I were you, I would not be using the internet as this gives the mind plenty of distraction to feed on. The emotional resistance you feel is the progress you're looking for. The mind says "Is this a waste of time?" witness that, don't give up. "I can only sit for 6 hours!" witness, don't give up. "My neck/back/body hurts." witness, don't give up. It doesn't feel nice or enlightening does it? But what you're witnessing is the insatiable ramblings of the ego-mind, desperately searching for a way to remove itself from the light of your attention. When you keep witnessing and keep making your experiences the objects of your attention, you'll eventually notice that all of your mind is objects and objects don't exist! What's left is the I. It cannot be found or seen or known. It's simply the only thing that remains once you've seen through the illusion of yourself. My advice: turn off your internet, try to stop thinking about enlightenment and when your mind says "okay 6 hours we're done..." then sit for seven. Watch the mental gymnastics unfold.
  15. Hello mate, Yes, I have had the same on/off experience for years. I used to think it was related to my use of psychedelics - a few days, weeks or months after I dosed, I would feel great and like the world made sense. Then, before I knew it I was back to earth and stuck as myself and I didn't understand why. In many ways, it is related to psychs, because psychs give you that key insight. But what I missed at the time was the depth of the insight. It wasn't til I started to sit for way longer - practicing the "neti, neti" method and doing nothing for at least an hour a day - that I gained the confidence to stand as awareness all the time. At the time of writing I haven't slept for 48 hours, despite the fact that I tried. A few years ago I would panic and mope around desperately looking for somewhere to rest my head. But I'm not, because I know now beyond all doubt what the truth is. I feel it my heart and my bones. TLDR; Find a practice that gives you that key insight and drill the fuck out of it.