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  1. On double speed it would definitely help my self to laugh its a** off. ;D
  2. Calculate your expenses per year. All of them, even the little stuff like a drink here or a seminar there. Take that number and multiply it by the years you have left until the age of 100 (or whatever age you wanna reach). Then double it for unforeseen expenses in the future and now you roughly know how much you'll need.
  3. Well, one way to do it would be: Watch Leo's series about spiral dynamics, then further study the subject via books or whatever. Once fully understood, assess for yourself at which stages you're currently at. Then invest time and effort to move yourself up along the stages until all aspects of your person and psyche have reached turquoise.
  4. No. No way. I personally believe the Truth feels amazing, unbelievable, indescribable. What I wanted to express: This feeling of anxiety around my heart is still there when I think about work and I am still under the impression that this feeling is (insert appropriate adjective here). Man, I'm confused. Today and yesterday I followed your lead and did 90 minutes of what you call "meditation to the middle" and what shall I say? It's a completely different beast to what I did before. When I breathe and deeply feel into my stomach area, there's a whole lot of emotions coming up, some intensely negative, some vaguely positive, and I totally forget to be aware of my face and limbs - it is as if they weren't there. And now, when I consciously think about work tomorrow and consciously feel into my anxiety it still feels true, but also somehow not, and I honestly got no effing clue what's going on right now. Anyways, I asked for a nudge into a different direction and you somehow did that without me knowing how you did that and right now I'm just grateful that I've opened this thread. Now I got new ideas, new directions, new techniques and new leads. Thank you, Nahm and everybody else for your suggestions and help!
  5. Sadly, it still feels genuine and true even though I intellectually know it's untrue. I will continue to meditate and improve myself until I fully realize the story I'm telling myself.
  6. Intellectually, yes. But it still feels that way. Ok. I've always used him as a pole in order to repel myself. Alright. I will continue to contemplate what I really want. Thanks for your input.
  7. Becoming a person opposite to my dad. Meaning: a loving, kind-hearted person who is not constantly complaining and who is not permanently measuring the world in terms of money. And who doesn't set up secret contracts in interpersonal relationships measuring said relationships on a basis of "what has he/she done for me / what can he/she do for me". I do? I definitely can't recall any traumatic experiences in my life so far. But thank you anyways for your suggestion. I will look into it. It's a feeling of heaviness around my heart area, a change in frequency of my heartbeat and a slight pounding sensation in my ears.
  8. Ok, I will. Thank you very much. I wasn't aware there even were meds that influence dopamine. So far I've only heard about serotonin and noradrenaline. Because I know I have to go there again the next day.
  9. My job neither satisfies nor challenges me. I do it for the money. Yeah, that's a problem. I see. Atm I don't have the courage to quit, yet. Catch 22: When I'm tired and anxious after work and think about quitting and working somewhere else, I project my current anxiety into the future and think things like "I will never find another job and run out of money". Gotta figure out how to break that cycle. Because when I am free of depression and anxiety on weekends or holidays, I definitely know that I would easily find a better job or start a business. But I still lack the courage to do so. Yeah, pretty much. Helping people who suffer any disability to lead a life that makes them happy. Right. I know what you're talking about intellectually, but I have not yet had any insight or awakening experience to that matter. My ego is still firmly rooted in materialism and identifying with external things, pain and pleasure and the like. How do I do that? Atm during meditation I observe the pulsating impermanence of sensations, like the visual flickering or the auditory switching between loud and quiet (due to one of those books on Leo's list). Additionally, I sometimes "shoot aliens" - meaning I label sensations as fast as I can. I have not yet discovered who or what is actually aware of sensations. Maybe I should try Neti Neti? So you're saying I can just switch the story I'm telling myself around? Is it that simple? Granted, language is one concept I use in order to label the world around me and inside me. And I've long suspected that language is the most powerful tool to achieve/change/influence anyone or anything. But won't the ego defend itself against my simply altering its story? Will it not see through that? Anyways, I will try to just tell a different story to myself. Actually, I am very grateful for you sharing this. Thank you!
  10. I've been to one about a year ago. They put me into a hospital for 2 weeks, gave me SSRI (Citalopram) and DBT. I was motivated to work with this and wanted to get better but somehow it didn't work. So I guess I will look for a good psychologist, then. Cuz SSRI don't do it for me.
  11. Both equally valuable. Interdependent as well. Experience is right here, right now. But would you know it without knowledge? Knowledge is everywhere around you, but would you learn it without experiencing it? You need experience in order to gain knowledge and knowledge in order to interpret experience. Chicken and egg. Strange loop. Good night.
  12. For me it's wave-like, pulsating as well during meditation. Visual, auditory, bodily and thought sensations are constantly on, off, on, off, like 6 to 10 times per second.
  13. I was struggling with depression and under the impression that my doctor was not really helping me by shoving ssri down my throat. So I began searching the web about depression and stumbled upon Leo's video concerning the topic. This happened maybe a year ago and the snowball is still rolling and gettin' bigger.
  14. So far for me it was the spiral dynamics series. After a rather long process of listening to the videos, reading and contemplating the concepts, I was able to identify certain stages in myself, my family and most importantly the company I work for. Since then I understand specific behaviours of my coworkers and am not surprised anymore when they act like they use to do. This helps a lot with anxiety.
  15. Hi, I'm Matt, 38. I've started changing my life about 9 months ago. Started "do nothing, just observe" meditation for at least 90 minutes per day, changed diet and lost like 25 kilograms already, stopped video games and TV and social media and procrastination in general, stopped PMO, installed MindLab Pro and Armodafinil. Now I'm stuck. Weight is constant, during meditation I always "reach" the same state of mind (which is like wide, a bit unstable, bubbly, pulsating, calm), same job as before (production, manual construction of heating tubes), always tired, always demotivated, no impulse to socialize. Basically atm I'm only working - meditating - reading - sleeping, rinse and repeat. Any advise? I don't know how to proceed. Thank you.