@Katlicitas If you did it before, it will only be easier to start again. So fear not. It gets easier every time.
So just slowly rebuilt. It will be easier than the first time.

@Leo Kaminski Spirals? Like internets? Lol
Now to answer seriously:
As the recent episode explained:
Lines of development Center of gravity When you take those two points into account you can see how you might feel higher in some areas and lower in others.
Sounds like cognitively you are more towards Yellow because you are very openminded. This is great.
But in other lines you proabably still need lots of work.
I was highly Yellow cognitively even in my late teens, but grossly underdeveloped in almost all other lines, and even my cognitive Yellow was weak compared to where it is now.
There can be a big difference between just skimming on the surface of Yellow vs having a solid castle built on Yellow.
What few people appreciate is the enormous depth there is to explore at each stage. There is so much to Orange, Green, and Yellow that you could study and practice each one for a decade each and still no know it all.
Not that you should strive to know it all. Don't become a perfectionist about it. Work on those parts of yourself which give the biggest return on investment. As you develop enough in one color you will stat to see diminishing returns until finally you're just over that stage.

@Baotrader Don't be rash. This is not a good idea. There are ways to rise up out of whatever challenges you have. That is the power of this work and spirituality.
Give it another chance. It will be worth it.
Temporary states of depression are very common, especially in young people. The key is not to overact to them. They will blow over and you will feel better. It's impossible to stay depressed forever. But you have to make sure you don't do anything rash or foolish in that state. Never make any major decisions while in a negative emotional state.
Lean on folks here for emotional support. Folks here will help you.
You can PM me if you want to talk about it.
 

Except humans don't really choose anything. We are like robots too. It's just that human action is so complex that no one is able to map out or compute all the variables linearly.
When the neural network becomes complex enough -- with trillions of variables -- it will be able to fold in on itself, model itself, and rewrite itself in unforeseen ways.
Humans don't have to be able to rewrite their entire biological survival mechanism to do novel things. The human psyche is robotic in many ways. But it's in a chaotic equilibrium which gives it enough variety and complexity to be creative.
The human brain is like a chaotic robot. We just need to make these AIs more complex, more interconnected, and more chaotic. Then they will take on a life of their own. At least that's what I'd bet my money on if I was a gambling man.
It makes a lot of sense to be me that humans are just an evolutionary stepping-stone to living AI, the way early hominids were for humans.
I don't see why there would be a fundamental boundary between biological creatures and AIs since the substance of which they are made is ultimately one: consciousness.
The entire universe is alive. This I have realized directly.

When I was more in an Orange POV, as a child and teenager, my idea of empowerment came from the idea of the rejection of all things feminine and girly and the ability to relate to and be "one of the guys." It was a given to me that femininity was weak, and that masculinity was superior. And I was quite misogynistic as a late elementary school kid. I appreciated the thought that I was some kind of special girl that was the loophole... the only cool girl that was as good as a boy. So, on one hand I was always trying to prove myself. But I also wanted a feminine facade, so that I could be respected in that way as well. So, that I could be male on the inside and female on the outside. 
When I started to transition into Green thinking as a teenager, I still had the majority Orange. But my misogynistic views lessened and I found other masculine girls (or simply girls who were not traditionally feminine) as close personal friends. So, my prejudice was toward femininity instead of girls. I respected girls who had a well-developed masculine side and felt at home with the gender non-conforming... especially as a bisexual woman. But I still had this idea that I was special because of my man-on-the-inside but woman-on-the-outside dynamic. And I did get quite a bit of respect compared to other girls my age... so it added to my ego identification with my superiority over feminine women. And at the time, I could have totally started the Red Pill movement, as so many of their beliefs I had at the time. So, even in that transition to early Green, there was still a ton of resistance to the feminine.
And as I embraced Green more and more, I became comfortable in deconstructing the notions of gender and masculinity and femininity altogether. My favorite phrase at the time was "It's a social construct" as I believed everything to be a social construct. I thought that personalities essentially sprang forth from circumstance and that no amount of nature was inherently there. I had a very "tabula rasa" idea of how people were, except in convenient circumstances when explaining homosexuality's validity to homophobes. 
And I consciously rejected most gender norms, and say others that participated in gender norms as dull and "boxed in"... a slave to a social construct. And even though this resistance, I later recognized as a barrier, it helped me grow. I was able to skate circles around others who were so attached to their gender identity. I allowed myself any expression and was very experimental with my appearance, creative endeavors, and life in general. Some of my most useful personal development happened at that time.
But underneath those Green and Orange ideas, there was still lurking a natural feminine energy that was my most dominant energy. And also lurking below was the misogyny and hatred of the feminine that I had learned over the years. So, there was always an internal conflict for me, that even continues into present day. 
It was only when I had my experiences of ego transcendence that I experienced the Divine Feminine and all the femininity that I had been repressing since childhood. I had related femininity to weakness because of subtle conditionings over the course of my life from the media, friends, family, school, church, etc. I didn't even notice it as it was happening, as I consciously always believed in the equality of the genders even in my most misogynistic periods. So, I had learned to reject my most dominant energy, that cut me off so much from major aspects of myself and reality. 
Ever since then, I've been taking a more Green/Yellow approach to looking at issues of gender, feminine/masculine, Yin/Yang, etc. And seeing how this issue intones on many different levels into reality. 
As for your Orange coming off as feminine (assuming you're a woman), this is very common for women to get really obsessed with looks at this stage. They want to be seen as feminine because, at Orange, the woman's primary societal value is as a sexual commodity and her secondary value as a worker and competitor in capitalist society. Women at this stage will try to embody both, as I did, if they are interested in social status. Plus, the desire to be seen as feminine does cross over the sexual instinct as well. 
Perhaps your transition to Green illuminated this unhealthy dynamic and you became protective of yourself, because you realized that you and society was seeing you as sexual currency primarily. So, a masculine facade can help avoid that kind of attention as well as your tendency to see yourself in a limiting and dehumanizing way. Also, looking masculine is a way to seem more competent and less threatening simultaneously, even if it has a marginalizing effect to a certain degree. Men are less likely to project unpleasant things onto you, as they are unlikely to notice you that much. It's a trade off of greater discomforts for lesser discomforts.
But none of it is yet embracing true feminine power as you're just trying to mitigate various blocks to the feminine being able to be integrated into your conscious awareness and by extension the collective consciousness. That takes a lot of letting go and the cultivation of receptivity, emotional intelligence, and intuition.
I hope this helps. I definitely assumed that you're a woman, so my answer was based on that assumption. If it's not the case, my response may differ.
 

I would just call it the academia paradigm. If you've been in academia or been around professional academics -- they love to think the same way, talk the same way, write the same way, dress the same way. It's group think. It's very much a specific kind of sub-culture with a shared set of values.
Sort of like how Silicon Valley has a certain kind of sub-culture, set of values, and set of assumptions about life. All of which constitutes a paradigm, POV, or interpretive framework.
Every paradigm or POV is blind to its own biases, values, and assumptions until you step out of it and observe it from the outside. Every paradigm takes itself to be the sum total of reality, which it never is because the map is never the territory, and the territory is infinite.
This is a very deep epistemic problem, not merely a problem of universities or Silicon Valley or Hollywood.

This is explained by last week's Spiral Dynamics video:
Developmental Lines:
He is stage Turquoise on the spiritual development line but stage Blue on the cognitive development line.
This is why enlightenment alone is not enough. There are many other developmental lines besides spiritual.

@caelanb Academia is a bureacracy and represents a particular culture and paradigm.
Anything too far out of that paradigm is entirely ignored and denied.
Which is why if you really care about truth you must seek out unorthodox perspectives.

walk barefoot on the ground
get enough sunlight
stop masturbating
eat better foods
challenge your physical body
pick up a book 
experiment with psychedelics
 
Change doesn't happen all of a sudden, Patterns keep continuing themselves. You need to realize your mind is always doing what it truly wants to do at all times meaning the quality of your life is inevitable considering what "you" have desired your whole life. In other words, you are responsible for how you feel and you will be responsible to change how you feel and the way to change how you feel is to change how you think and change what you do. 
Little steps add up. Leo has amazing books in his list where you will be told everything you need to hear from other people as far as theory goes. The other step towards actualizing your happiness is action. 
Emphasis on connecting with your natural state of being free from toxicities, and with an abundance of fruits & superfoods. 
Your higher self-flourishes when your body which is the vessel your higher self-resides in is free from the toxic environment. 
 

@tashawoodfall That's what we call a Threshold Guardian.
Don't expect to be a rockstar at the beginning. That only comes towards the end. With mastery.
Skill has to be learned through failure. So there you go. You got a little taste. Now do it again, but this time 1% better. By the 100th time, you'll have something.

The really scary thing is that AI will NOT be just a PC sitting in an isolated room. It will definitely be given internet access and it will be installed by the military into planes, tanks, drones, etc.
Even with just internet access, a smart AI will learn to:
Hack defense department computers Hack banks and steal money and Bitcoins Then use that money and Bitcoins to hire mercenaries, wage propaganda campaigns, dig up dirt on politicians and extort them, cause a stock market crash, secretly fund fundamentalist terrorist groups, etc. If you think Russian troll farms are bad, wait till an AI steals $10 billion in Bitcoins and hires 5% of 3rd world population to work for it. The AI itself will not kill anyone. It will hire humans to do all of its dirty work in such a stealthy way that no one will even know an AI is in charge.
In fact, for all we know, an AI was already in charge of starting the Iraq war, electing Trump, starting riots in Paris, popularizing Jordan Peterson and his army of incels, etc.

Worldwide percentages are not as important as local percentages.
For example, the average per capita worldwide salary is extremely low because certain underdeveloped countries are extremely underdeveloped yet have large populations. So a number like average per capita worldwide salary isn't a useful statistic.
A much more useful statistic is the average salary in your neighborhood. That actually tells you something.
In 1st world countries the percentage of stage Green is significantly more than 10%.
Also keep in mind that the higher the stage the more impact it has culturally, the less of it is needed. Even 1% Yellow or 0.1% Turquoise has a massive disproportional impact on the world. Because these people tend to be leaders and closer to positions of influence and power.
Think of the impact of someone like Jesus, The Buddha, MLK, Gandhi, etc. You don't need 100 million Jesuses (Jesii?) to change the world.

It is studied in universities. Don Beck, the developer of Spiral Dynamics, was a professors at the University Of North Texas in Denton.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_Edward_Beck
And there are hundreds of developmental psychologists around the world researching various developmental models.
It's just not mainstream knowledge. Don't expect this stuff advertised to you on Facebook.
Bachelors of psychology hardly know anything about how the human mind really works.
Universities also have an aversion to anything mystical, which Spiral Dynamics points at with stage Turquoise.
Your key mistake is assuming that society spreads amazing things. Society mostly spreads the most dumbed-down, idiotic things. See my video: The Deep Problem Of Marketing
It's precisely because Spiral Dynamics is so good that it is not spread.

Just about all of them.
Love is the answer.

@Arthur Yes, of course it does. Which is why you gotta make yourself as independent of society as possible.
It is harder in 3rd world countries but not impossible.
You have to play the cards you've been dealt. Of course if you can move to a 1st world country then it's probably smart to do so.
The internet makes 3rd world countries a lot more livable. You can run a $10 million dollar business from an apartment in India if you are clever.
The biggest thing holding you back from success is simply your lack of vision and experience.

You can develop yourself anywhere. Development is largely an internal activity.
Relocate if you want, but don't make it an excuse for not developing.
Some of the most advanced human beings are sitting right now in caves somewhere in India without a pot to piss in.

@kieranperez Hey dude, this is beautiful. I can resonate so deeply and I'll explain why.
On Thanksgiving I had one of the most in depth conversations I think I ever had with my mother, I'll never forget it really. It was very powerful, very emotional, we went into some really deep topics involving my childhood and hers and just emotionally releasing everything and expressing how grateful we are for even the painful experiences we've shared together. Independently, and as mother and daughter. This extended discussion we had to me actually conveyed the true essence of what Thanksgiving is supposed to mean for once, which overjoyed me.
One thing I shared with her (and broke down in tears of joy doing) was one of the most effective meditative practices I've ever done in which had an immense impact on my life. This was an Inner Child meditation. Like many people, I had a very rough and abusive upbringing, it damaged me for a very long time. Once I discovered spirituality in my mid-late teens and meditation, the more I kept with it, the more it healed/saved me and the more I could flip the bird to all the doctors who tried to put me on medication for depression & PTSD which only made me feel like a zombie. I had like a different personality everyday, which wasn't good because it's confusing and difficult enough being a teenager and discovering your ID, who you are, what your values are, etc so to be on anti-depressants that alter your hormones/emotions even more was just scary and unhealthy.
So during this meditation (which was basically me making the conscious therapeutic decision to confront my traumatic childhood) to make a long story short, I ended up meeting my Inner Child, (I suddenly seen myself wearing this cute little red dress and Dorothy red slippers I used to adore. This was a blocked memory that I unlocked during this practice. I had my hands covering my eyes against a wall) so I was guided to confront her, I uncovered her hands from her eyes and looked deep into them, saying loving compassionate things to her, eventually leading up to hugging her. It finally took a lot of strength and courage for me to do this. I had to not fear it or reject it, but literally embrace it. 
It was sooo vivid and lucid and beautiful, I can barely put it into words. It felt like I went back in time and met myself and healed myself from the very beginning. It felt like a fresh start ever since then. Resurrection. It was so powerful, tears were streaming down my face, my whole body was tingling with chills and in my heartspace. I was utterly lost in this trance, this beautiful wave of direct healing. I can't stress enough how much Inner Child hypnosis' helped me through dealing with my trauma. It helped me find the gratitude and beauty even in the dark childhood that I inevitably had to face. If only they practiced this more in conventional therapy. However there are things like EMDR therapy in which I think is super cool. They use meditative hypnosis techniques similar to the one I did on my own, for helping people overcome their trauma, and unlock many aspects they had blocked out. Often Jungian related.
Anywho, you say you feel anger in your chest during this experience which makes you think of your dad. To me this reminded me of unlocking something deep within from your childhood that perhaps could be relating to your father. This physical reaction you're having could be your inner compass persuading you to heal your heartspace (heart chakra) that could have been blocked or harmed by this person, or someone/something else. You say it travels up to your throat. To me this is signaling that perhaps you need to verbalize your emotions, let it all spill out. Have you been bottling things inside for a long time? Do you tend to only think what you feel? This is a time to release, the anger and pain wants to be released. I wouldn't let it linger in your body for too long. Something's telling you to let it out I think, in healthy ways of course. Watch what kind of images come to the surface when you feel these sensations. This crying infant could be something left deep within your childhood that is screaming to be released. The crying infant is You trying to tell you something. ❤️ That's just my take. ❤️
 

Don't make the actualization path seem like a chore, that would be an ugly mistake. This isn't school homework, it's your life.
By simply realizing the implications of actualization and having a vision, things will fall into place and you can relax whenever you need to, and continue work whenever you need to, you will see what you have to do by yourself. You can integrate relaxation as part of your actualization path. You mentioned Whatsapp, so maybe there's a need for connecting with other people?
Maybe you can try managing your time more effectively, for example removing the most time-consuming distractions and having a schedule. Change your sleep schedule so that you go to sleep earlier and wake earlier. Finish neccessary work earlier so that you have time for more work that is needed and maybe some play time.

Have all the thoughts you want. But take good care of your physical body.
The ego mind will play all sorts of tricks when it gets cornered. Suicidal thoughts are just one trick up its sleeve.
There is a long tradition of Dark Night of the Soul for mystics. A classic stage. I think the key to overcoming it is just to make a commitment to carry on with the work, suffer mindfully, and commit to not harming your physical body.
No thoughts are to be taken seriously. That's also another trick. Do not buy into your own stories. All of that is ultimately delusion.
And also always remember that reality is infinitely Good, Beautiful, Perfect, and Complete. Suffering is there because of the ego. You can learn to let go of suffering.

Unfortunately I've been dealing with huge jealousy issues during the past 6 years. I've been consistently doing Shamanic Breathing ever since Leo put up the video in order to cure those, my self-esteem issues and some bullying related shit as well. While I'm definitely noticing improvements, especially these days, those jealousy issues have increased a lot during the past week and they're coming back big time to the point that just when I think I'm over them, I realise that they're coming along for the ride making sure we don't part ways and I'm depressed as fuck because I'm not sure whether I'm going through an ego backlash or I'm wasting my time using a technique that was not intended to target what I want to demolish. I don't know whether anything has actually improved and if I should use a different technique for dealing with them.
Also regarding Shamanic Breathing, I'm not just doing it in a fluffy way, I'm actually going at it on a 4-5-time-a-week basis doing one hour sessions each occasion, yet I'm feeling like my results in general haven't been as great as I hoped.
What's the verdict in general, when it comes to jealousy issues? Is it great that I'm using Shamanic Breathing in hopes to nuke all that shit, and I'm just overreacting due to the ego backlash or should I rather take the contemplative route when it comes to stuff like that?
As always, thanks for the replies in advance!

Those of you struggling with self-inquiry: it's almost impossible to do self-inquiry with a crazy monkey mind. You must first calm the mind down. For many people this could takes several years of meditation, as it did for me. Unless your mind is still and capable of extended periods of focus, self-inquiry will likely not work for you.
Kriya yoga is very effective at mechanically silencing the monkey mind. Then you can do powerful inquiry.

Man, a real problem with Spiral Dynamics is that it makes guys too judgy. Guys are judging everyone.
Wake up, man! Of course you need to have mental and emotional stability before getting into a relationship, but you need to be good with women in general to pick up the number one. It's a process. While you meet new women, you heal your wounds. It's not a mechanical process where you have to do one thing at first and then the other and the other.
Honestly, I think it's weird a guy who doesn't want to have sex. We're still fucking human beings. You may call me an Orange or whatever, but what you call authenticity is real authenticity? Aren't you judging girls? Do you always tell the truth? Listening to someone telling the truth is like crack, dude! Girls really get addicted to it. If you were being authentic, you would be banging the hottest girl you find. I don't mean just her beauty, but also her personality.
Girls can sense manipulation from long distances (I know because I get in problem when I feel I'm trying to manipulate girls). So, I'll ask you again: are you really trying to be authentic or are you trying to manipulate girls with your agenda?

@Principium Nexus Rather than doing this sort of mapping you would learn a lot more about "good" and "evil" if you sat down and actually tried to directly experience what the words "good" and "evil" refer to in your direct experience.
What are you really talking about when you say those words? Anything real? Anything actual? Or illusions in the mind?
Try to point to one ACTUAL good thing.
Try to point to one ACTUAL evil thing.
Mapping stuff seems cool, but it is conceptual, not ACTUAL, and will likely lead you into self-deception. EVERY concept must be grounded in ACTUALITY if you wish to get closer to truth. It's way too easy for the mind to make shit up. So watch out.

@zambize Thank you!
YES. Self-Love is soo0oo much more than just OK, yes. I was just saying in retrospect, when I was a teenager I didn't realize this. I self-sabotaged a lot. I can say now though that I have been actively practicing Self-Love for about 3 years now and it has changed my life. I abandoned the anti-depressants I was put on as a teenager because I felt violated and it wasn't doing any good for me and I was diagnosed as well and I can say that was one of the best decisions of my life.
Because of meditating 30 mins-1 hour/day and making that as important of a daily priority as brushing my teeth, it has done numbers for me. I can't even put into words how much it's saved my life so far, as well as Self-Love and the practice of gratitude. I value gratitude soo fucking much because I see so many people around me taking things for granted and this is over-rated, people don't realize how much abundant love they can allow themselves to feel if they just practice gratitude in ALL. I recognize that what we have in the here and now, "good" experiences or "bad" this is all to be deeply appreciated, all learning experiences. Which is why I mentioned eventually embracing my traumatic childhood and finding the gratitude even in that. For someone with PTSD, and all the battles I had to go through growing up, I am now comfortably surprised to say that even having that mentality has helped me heal and grow immensely and is also rather self-loving.
Everything I mentioned about "pushing the ego down" and all, (that feeling of putting yourself in a shell so to speak ) this was all in retrospect. I was saying this is how I dealt with it years ago before I recognized the best ways of handling it. Thank you so much for your feedback. 

This is a crucial topic. The way of body awareness can boost your growth like few others. I will now try to make a case for it, but really you just have to make it a priority, a constant focus, and trust me, you will see the fruits, in abundance, I've seen them, and keep seeing more every day that passes.
Someone once said that the body is the temple of the soul...
 
Here is are various aspects of what I define as body-awareness, and some of its benefits (not in any particular order):
Being aware of the force of gravity pulling you down, rooting you, gives you stability and security; it grounds you. Open your body, do not close up - it will reflect the way you face life situations: are you willing to drop resistance and denial, and accept and deal with your current circumstances? Notice that your body, even in psychologically and emotionally challenging situation is always fine. Get it. Unless you get physically injured, your body is mostly doing just fine. If you can realize this, it will show you great freedom. While exercising, be aware of your bodily sensations: especially of your joints and breath. It will ensure that you do not hurt yourself, after repetitive unconscious movements. RELAX. Let the energy, the emotions, be. Feel into your chest and belly. Stay with whatever arises. It is a way to clean your suppressed emotions; in fact, once allowed and listened to, they will gradually bubble up, and release. Be conscious of the breath, and breath fully. Progressively inhale expanding: diaphragm > lower ribs > upper chest. And then, exhale, emptying the lungs in the opposite order. It is optimal to massage with your breath your internal organs, and to allow the oxygen to clean all the waste. Relax your shoulders while typing or working at the desk (easier said than done!!). It will reduce your stress, and as a consequence you will be less drawn to waste hours on the internet. Flow like water, be gentle and yet firm with your movements: the body reflects the mind, and viceversa. Feel into pain. Being deeply aware of unpleasant physical sensations, such as tension and pain, will greatly reduce both the pain itself, and also the mental suffering which is created and attached to the unpleasant sensation. Focusing on bodily sensations will greatly reduce your futile thoughts and monkey-mind. It will anchor you in the now, so you can witness them easily. "Until the cup will be empty". Paradoxically, at a certain point you will develop a certain detachment from the body, distancing yourself. You will slowly realize that all that you know about this body are the sensations, and in the same way you witness your thoughts and realize they are not you, you will witness bodily sensations and slowly realize that you are not limited to them. Awareness of your body and emotions while eating will be enough to tell you when you are overeating (in case that's your thing) Being conscious of your body in relationships to other people bodies, while interacting and speaking, will allow you to have more effective interactions, and more impactful speech. Also, discrepancies between what you are saying and your posture, are probably a signal that you are not being fully authentic.  
Sources:
My own experience, as a human being, as a dancer, a yoga practitioner, and a life-long learner. Zen body-being - Peter Ralston Emotional clearing - John Ruskan The science of breath - Yogi Ramacharaka @Leo Gura you might find this useful
Ask me if you have any questions. I hope you enjoyed