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Everything posted by thehero

  1. I've never been so anxious in my life before. It was so astonishing. I was anxious for a full 3 hours!!!! I really tried to get comfortable When she would stare at me for a second, that would get me really scare the shit out of me. I felt like she was judging me (she would stare at me for 2 seconds after every paragraph/sentence I said. wtf) Like I would say something, and then she would just sit there staring at me. That was just mad awkward lol. I literally could not handle that It was a fun conversation overall, went through many enjoyable topics But I would get really anxious about her reaction to things. Will she think I'm dumb? Will she think I'm weird? She was also very sarcastic. I got offended by these little things Even though I knew they were just jokes. She was a nice gal. Can someone give me some hope and tell me that I can overcome these fears? I feel very helpless to these fears and it's driving me crazy. What do I do? What's happening? I'm overthinking everything. I don't know how to be comfortable!! It's driving me NUTS. I was so damn nervous I think she will not call me back (yes I know millions others in the sea)
  2. Hey guys - I've been noticing that When I don't feel desired by people I can't function and I feel suicidal My worth is tied up in their approval And I feel not worthy unless I'm being approved of also I feel super lonely, and not wanted I don't know what to do about these feelings? It's extremely negative and hurtful, there's a lot of suffering What practices do I do, what book do I read, what action steps do I take? How does this work? I'm not really sure what to do, it's a reoccuring pattern People tell me to forget about people and find happiness in solitude, but it's not working. I am like so desperate to be wanted, to feel connection and to have love -- I'm guessing that I have to find a girlfriend but then everyone says that I should just be independent and not need a girlfriend? It feels like a catch 22? To be happy you have to be independent, but since im independent (perhaps I'd say alone/isolated/not desired as synonym to independent) I'm not happy and suffering greatly? Honestly - I don't know what to do. This sucks. I can't get any work done when I don't feel loved or desired. I just want to sit in bed and sleep. I feel utterly alone. this is very vulnerable of me. thanks to those that read this and help There's also this one girl in my life. She's a nice person. but. she only comes to me when she's alone. when she has people, i seem to be forgotten. but when she doesn't have people, i'm her best friend! hahahahahaha. this makes it hard for me to depend on her. when she doesn't message me, i'm literally depressed. i cant think straight i cant function. i literally NEED attention. i'm literally desperate for it. it's crazy see, I can go and do other things, work on my passions and my purpose, but deep down, i still want love and attention, and it causes me so much suffering. people feel like oxygen. i need people. I know I ideally shouldnt be dependent on her. but I am. i want to go out and make new friends, people that care about me for me, but i keep self sabotaging! i go out, try, but i make no results because i keep getting scared they will leave me, or they wont like me, or that im too boring, or my words are too boring etc. even if nobody can help, thanks for listening.
  3. @Nahm Hey thanks for reconnecting with me - appreciate it. I have been doing the leo meditation you've linked 1x/day as well as a teal swan heart meditation 1x day. i havent experienced such love for myself forever. i noticed that i still have low self-esteem and that it won't go away after just one meditation session lol. i've been helping my parents around the house also and i've never done this before and forgiving myself when i fuck up but the biggest thing is when i dont feel love, undesired or unworthy i connect with my heart and love myself fully and completely. all parts of it, without desiring change am i doing it right? would you add / change anything?
  4. which pokemon? is the new one? i really want to play the new one. i found a PC emulator so i can get it for free. im just going to observe the urge lol cuz im going to binge it <3
  5. @Rebec this one is great!
  6. There are different lines of development, because Green is caring and loving to their children. So my guess is that in that aspect, they are not Green
  7. okay this is silly... you need relationship consciousness
  8. @RichardY I think so too... psychopaths have a fixed level of empathy, so I'm assuming that this applies to everyone
  9. I'm with you brother. Same boat I'm going to check out those two videos, I avoided them because I thought they were enlightenment related but now I have more juicy videos to check out In today's video Leo said that I can charge $100k for my videos but I put it out for free. I think that's a nice insight to have. I notice that when I see things cost a lot of money, I tend to take it a lot more seriously. Like Leo's videos I don't take seriously sometimes but I might take a $100 course super seriously just because I paid for it
  10. we need a thread with all the "featured" threads
  11. Self-love, radical acceptance, being forgiving towards self, healing wounds, that kind of stuff?
  12. @LessonsSavesLifes to add on, RSDJulien also has healthy PUA his last pua course tengame, is about human connection, authenticity, real confidence and not manipulating the girl. at the time, i didn't get why he did that shit but i still practiced it. now i actually care about these values lol
  13. I'm contemplating becoming a lone wolf. this way i won't be needy and i can just focus on myself and no longer depend on people people are fickle also this feels more like a diary than a journal? a public personal diary? lol. im thinking about just taking this back into private i'm grateful for my therapist, i'm grateful for my parents, i'm grateful for not being brought up in a 3rd world or 2nd world country, i'm grateful for my parents for supporting & funding me, i'm grateful for Leo, i'm grateful for my good health, i'm grateful for being brought up in a safe neighborhood in north america, i'm grateful for my mother and her deep love and passion for me, i'm grateful to be pseudo-supported by my friends, i'm grateful for my business, i'm grateful for knowledge, i'm grateful for learning, i'm grateful for the mastery process, i'm grateful for mediation, i'm grateful for books, i'm grateful for the internet, i'm grateful for finding personal development at the age of 20, i'm grateful that i will be more developed than Leo than his age due to his sharing of his insights (thank you leo), i'm grateful for the abundance of water i have, i'm grateful for my parents for surviving to give me a good life to allow me to thrive, i'm grateful for having my best friend in personal development, i'm grateful for having friends around me that hang out with me, i'm grateful for my mom cleaning my room, i'm grateful for...
  14. The purpose of this journal is to depict my journey, share insights that may help people, talk about my day and journal whatever it is I want to journal This will help me keep a log of my life, not keep repeating the same sticking points, help me move forward into the greatest possible life that I can possibly live. Live into my upmost potential. Sort of like Joseph Maynor's Journal. I really liked how he edits things and improves them overtime
  15. yeah i realized this too. i am in the process of buckling down and focusing right now. i think it happens because Leo's expertise is very broad @Sockrattes i think that's an orange foundational idea, not a limitation. that applies to all stages j my intuition
  16. @Charlotte thank you for the support @Nahm thank you so much nahm for lending out a hand. I will be reading that many times over. It wasnt too ahead at all it was perfect. Rekindled some hope within me. Thanks again @Solace thanks Solace, this came at a perfect time as I'm beginning to open my heart chakra. I'll do that for 5 minutes in the night
  17. Ive had the same problem of reading and doing things in a reactionary way. My solution as of current is to be proactive and work on completing one thing then moving into the next. More than 1 endeavor at a time has consistently backfired. I think only you know your limits and how much you believe you can handle at once
  18. @ivory My guess is that this is something that you come back full circle (from leo's full circle video) need relationships -> don't need relationships -> find truth in both
  19. I think it's fine. Our ancestors were very active
  20. @ivory thanks. I'm going to deeply contemplate and possibly work on building some friends. @kingroboto I dont know. Maybe later I'll transcend the need for people. But right now the need is too strong and I dont know much about spirituality
  21. is this an insight for your circumstance? i tried this whole fuck relationships, just do it on your own, you dont need relationships thing. i suffered so greatly and i didnt even realize it. isolation is a no go. i need to feel connected to people.
  22. Listening to so much of Leo that you're forced to self reflect and become aware of things. When you start becoming aware of things you start seeing problems. The problem is that you literally ARE NOT AWARE. that's why you are stuck in the habits. Awareness alone is curative. It's all stuck on loops and your awareness is low. Which is why it's called low consciousness i guess? You are not aware with a lack of consciousness. The mind does NOT LIKE to be aware. It hurts you PHYSICALLY. Literally physically. Because emotions are physical phenomena (bodily sensations to be exact). You feel pain when you become more aware Your environment is also low conscious! It's all this massive low conscious things. The content you consume, the marketing, society and the people around you are all feeding you low consciousness shit. The human being molds to its environment. The #1 way to change is to have high consciousness around you. Content and people. Surround yourself with that, and you will mold to higher consciousness. Practice mindfulness and become aware of your habits. Without mindfulness or awareness you will be stuck in your loops. Awareness , awareness, awareness! It must be applied everywhere ! The first step to change is to become aware of it - Nathaniel Branden It's just that awareness is PAINFUL and takes effort! But it's worth it 1000x. Your life gets better the more conscious you become. Easiest things you can do is cut out all low consciousness content as much as possible and develop a meditation habit. Also realize these things im saying for yourself so you learn the significance of awareness which will push you to desire awareness. Learning = behavior change, awareness alone is curative. If you want to change them, see if they resonate with the material. Find their stage on SD or wherever they are in life and just guide them to whatever next insight is important to them. Only if they're receptive. Otherwise they're not really going to change lol.