Psychonaut

Good question. The connection for me was simple: Old pattern: I feel bad (shame) -> masturbate I feel unloved -> masturbate I feel overwhelmed -> masturbate I feel too much energy -> masturbate Masturbation became the default regulation for ANY uncomfortable feeling. What changed in relationship: Being intimate with someone who mirrored my childhood dynamics (mother-partner role, conditional love) meant I was triggered constantly. More triggers = more compulsion. New pattern I'm building: I feel bad -> notice the feeling -> search for source of trigger -> try to heal it (inner child work, meditation) You're right that addiction has many causes. For me, the specific mechanism was: unprocessed emotions from attachment wounds -> compulsive self-soothing through masturbation. The 6 months without it while single? I wasn't getting triggered. In relationship, all the old wounds activated at once. I feel like it is important to be aware why one masturbates or why one has sex. I for example have recently realised that my main reason for wanting to have sex was never that I found the girl particularly attractive. It was mostly just plain ego gratification, the "feeling of being choosen", the "feeling of being good enough to have sex". I actually never found the girls attractive, I just liked that the girls liked me. I have all my live been lying to girls about my true motivations, I said "I love you" knowing full well that that sentence should be "I love that you love me - I don't actually give a rats fuck about you".

@Leo Gura I had a different experience. For 6 months I didn't masturbate. Interactions with women at ecstatic dance were effortless—no neediness, just natural flow. Then I entered a relationship and everything changed. Here's what I learned: the same brain structures for mother-child bonding activate in romantic relationships. When you're single, those circuits stay quiet. In relationship, childhood attachment wounds flood back. For me: compulsive masturbation returned not as sexuality, but as self-soothing for attachment trauma the relationship triggered. The real issue isn't "women won't satisfy you." It's unhealed attachment wounds making intimacy overwhelming. Being single and not masturbating was easy because I wasn't activating the wound. But that's avoidance, not healing. The solution isn't managing frustration through masturbation. It's healing attachment wounds so you can be in relationship without compulsive coping. Sexual energy conservation works when you're not using it to self-soothe trauma.

Strange the dreamer

Something about the blog post on sex irked me, and I think I understand why. For most of my adult life, sex and masturbation were attempts to fill a hole that is fundamentally bottomless—an inner emptiness akin to a black hole, all-consuming and insatiable. No amount of physical release ever truly satisfied it. I've come to realize that if you approach sex with the attitude that you want to be satisfied or guaranteed a great experience, you have already lost. You're operating from lack, seeking completion through another person or through release itself. This is a game that cannot be won. But if you approach sex as a celebration of being alive—as an expression of vitality and connection rather than a compensation for emptiness—then you can only win, regardless of the outcome. The shift is not in the act itself, but in the consciousness you bring to it. The difference between these two approaches is the difference between scarcity and abundance, between seeking and expressing, between using and celebrating.

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I am not sure if my 5-meo is just weak, but if I plug less than 80mg I can get nice experiences, but nothing really life altering. I have only tried 60 and 80mg. Maybe 70mg might also be enough. But it seems really high. I wonder if my ego is just too reluctant to let go. But it's also very different to when I took 5-meo many years ago. Then I was fighting it and low doses might actually be more terrifying than high doses then. Now there is no resistance, but also it feels like it's always the same when I take a high dose.

Why not combine it with a dissociative or something like MDMA?

Yeah I use a Windows Laptop now. But I barely touch it. Maybe use it once a week.

Love love love One one one Easy easy easy

I dearly miss my MacBook pro I had at work. At both my last jobs I had MacBooks that I was also allowed to use privately. It was a blast. Never have I felt so connected to a machine in a good sense. Seamless.

For me the best Linux experience actually has been MacOS. About 15 years ago I was running Ubuntu with the 3D Desktop Cube and heavily modded. It was fun. I am not a Apple guy by any stretch and I dislike iOS and iPadOS. But there is something about a MacBook that just feels really nice when using it. It's very intuitive for me and I get in the flow easier. It's also nice to just have a Linux like terminal experience with all the command line tools I am used to. For me it's the dream OS, it works reliably, doesn't crash, doesn't bother me with useless updates. It's a true productivity machine.

MXPCP is like a cleaning crew for me. It just takes out the trash. Wonderful experience once again. Purge purge purge. Love love love. Be be be. Ez ez ez. It feels like a hug from God.

I have been meditating for years and have also had some Samadhi like experiences after 4-5 hrs of meditation. But no way you will reach anywhere close to a high dose 5-Meo-DMT trip. My last two trips were both 80mg and they have completely rewired my brain.

Over the years I have found that I don't like talking about psychedelics with people that haven't used them. It is always the same arguments, fears and limiting beliefs. Also in spiritual circles I get the impression that progress made by psychedelics is frowned upon as cheating or not real progress. But it is just their ego's fear of total dissolutionment speaking. However if someone already has experience with psychedelics and is an avid user the convos can be quite interesting. What are your guys experiences?

But Leo...