eos_nyxia

I guess it's time to stop wearing my "flaws" like a crown now. Flaunting that is a very teenage rebellious energy that I have been waiting to be over.

It may not feel like this always, in many many ways... but more than ever, the world is at my fingertips. And I certainly did not start writing again to keep explaining myself endlessly, and to keep playing the same sort of games with myself. With where I am now, once again: do not water the garden of things which have been beyond your jurisdiction and control.

You speak as if this is some sort of given. It is not. Most of this is just being loved for your packaging. You get a slightly different version of this, no? If you are the recipient of this, you only believe this "love" to be true if you are very young and/or naive. Self-improvement is an "anyone" kind of thing... If you want "respect" rather than what you call "love" (blanket attention/ approval/ etc.), then you have to work on yourself and your circumstances..... just like absolutely everyone else. (And obviously, even then, it's not a given that you will get it.) Guess what? How often do you hear women complaining specifically about not being respected? If you are vulnerable to exploitation, then at least some people will attempt to exploit you (if they think you have something of value). The other side of this is being a target with an X mark on your back. Having more people who would willingly like to exploit you, given the chance... is that really a definite plus? Also, is having someone willing to perpetually rescue you from your weaknesses and vulnerabilities always an upside? I think not. Too much coddling and you become stunted. Being stunted and being actually, truly happy are not compatible factors. Any woman (or man for that matter) with any sense knows when they're dealing with fake ass shit.

.... >insert something later<

Off the cuff, all or one of these could apply: 1) Some version of "your trauma is attracted to their trauma" on a sub or semi-conscious level. 2) Some version of finding "normal, healthy", perfectly well adjusted, perfect on paper" boring and/or unrelatable, or even vapid. (Even if you feel that you are supposed to feel a different way.) 3) Someone mentioned the saviour complex. Often this strikes me as a way of deflecting from being with your own feelings, especially being still and alone with them. On a purely selfish level, it's easier to focus on "fixing" someone rather than yourself. And it makes people feel good, and gives them a sense of purpose to their lives. 4) There's also simply wanting someone to feel like you're better than someone. Or more put together, more stable, more accomplished... whatever it is, really. That layer of judgement prevents you from interacting as if you were on par, simply and openly as one sentient being to another. As a couple, it's so you can literally feel like the better half in comparison. I honestly think this is probably more common than people would care to admit. Even if you don't exactly say anything or overtly do anything to show this, I sense that lots of people get some silent sense of vindication and self-worth this way. It saves people from focusing on themselves, simply on their own terms.... God forbid that you also "be a mess"... Only you can look at yourself decide what is honestly true though, I suppose. (Coming from someone whose childhood automatically makes them "damaged goods" on paper, one way or another.)

I've spent some time over the years using websites like Nutrition Data to get an idea of how my micros/macro stack up on a daily basis. For the last year, I've occasionally been using this app called Cronometer from the same purpose. So this is something that I've noticed: there are a lot of nutrient dense plant foods which are very rich in micros, especially ones like magnesium (which many tend to be low in), but also B vitamins (that you would have in plant foods) and also tend to have reasonable amounts of zinc/ selenium. However, they often have a lot of manganese in them. When I'm meeting and exceeding all of my other micros, my manganese tends be WAY over the RDV (often by about 7-10 times) and technically exceeding the daily recommended MG by a decent amount. The worst offenders tend to be foods that are generally considered "very healthy" like: 1) organic sprouted, whole grain breads 2) hemp hearts 3) leafy green vegetables 4) legumes (e.g. lentils). Should I be concerned about this over the long term? I did a quick search on existing studies and info, and it's very conflicting. Quite a few sources say: it's only manganese from non-dietary sources (including manganese in water) and supplements that cause negative effects, and dietary sources are not known to cause any side effects. Other sources say: it doesn't matter what the source is, too much is too much. For what it's worth, I tend to take RDV with a grain of salt... for example: I'm not that concerned about having too much vitamin D particularly, especially with dreary Pacific Northwest winters where you wake up and it's dark and cloudy all day. Yet overdosing on fat soluble vitamins is also something that you're warned against in... what should I call it? "generic nutritional science"? @Michael569 If I remember right, you've read quite a few studies on nutrition. Is this something you know anything about?

@Applegarden8 Not sure if this was clear, but I was agreeing with you actually. And that irrespective of medium and technology, that some version of this problem has been around for a long time. (Arguably, there were more hurdles in the past to overcome in terms of just being able to get your foot in the door and actually produce/ write music.) "WHO CARES" means shut out that feeling and doing it anyway (even if it eventually comes back to you already), or feel the way that you do it anyway. (Or alternatively: don't. It's in your hands, obvs.) Artists of all stripes have been in this sort of situation, especially if their bent is less "commercial". What I was trying to say is that you're not alone.

TBH you're probably going to have to buy some sort of hippie/ specialist brand, and even then you're probably going to have to check the labels because of "greenwashing". Like I used to use both of these back in the day. I'm pretty sure they're both local brands though; I imagine what is available depends how ingredient conscious people in your country/ local area are. Like this one I think is a salon brand... ...and this one I used to pick up at a grocery store, but it was moderately expensive for a grocery store shampoo. For the last couple years I've mostly been using this, which I got from Amazon: If you can't find anything, IME almost all shampoo bars are pretty minimalist ingredient-wise; I assume it's because they don't need to add liquids so the don't need to account for preservation and the texture of the liquid shampoo itself. You could even try using diluted Dr. Bronner's as shampoo (some people apparently swear by it), but it didn't work for me personally. It made my hair feel gross. Sub in any other castile soap.

@Applegarden8 Who cares what those people think! Plenty of people already have that focus and choose to focus in that direction.... it's called being a composer/ songwriter! (Though the latter is often associated with Classical music, writing music is just writing music and personally I see it all as being in the same pile... from my perspective, it doesn't matter much if one type of music is more or less established genre-wise.) It's not uncommon for composers to not be super proficient in the technical sense at any of the parts that they write, if they're not just straight up unable to play them (which are often for various specific instruments anyway). Source: I took quite a few courses which on the subject. I've noticed that people often skew in one direction or another, as in, they often have a strength and preference towards either songwriting or performing (/entertaining). Not all of us are performers by disposition!

As opposed to what, BDSM?

This just sounds a slightly different version of being a "pick me" girl, lol.

Is this actually really a new trend?? Somehow I doubt it's anywhere as bad as it was in the 00s, though maybe the resurgence of the Y2K aesthetic is creating some sort of cultural subcurrent. Wasn't the Kim Kardashian example about her trying to fit into Marilyn Monroe's dress? (Which supposedly did some sort of damage to the dress itself.) Fashion models have been very thin for a long time? The pushback against this due to social pressure is still quite recent. (Last 10 years or so.)

The STANK from not wearing socks with these shoes is real. If you wear them a lot and sweat in them, even washing them doesn't get that smell out. ...I highly don't recommend it.

@Lincisman Look specifically for boots! If you're not specifically looking for "barefoot" shoes/ boots, "zero drop" is another term which might find you what you're looking for. I own a few like... the Vibram Furoshiki. (Personally, I have mixed feelings about it because the velcro strap which keeps the boot together tends to fly off if you do any serious sort of foot bending. However, they have lining so they are fairly warm for what they are. TBH they feel kind of like you're wearing some kind of weird slipper.) I also owned these Lems boots which I wore to death over the course of a couple of years. They are not warm. However I don't live in a place that typically has very cold winters, so I can get by with some warm socks. (IMO a thin, high wool content sock works well for these types of boots.) Someone above mentioned the brand Vivobarefoot. I own a couple of their shoes, including this boot (chukkas/ Gobi?): (These ones aren't warm at all though.) If you're used to those Vibram toe shoes, "barefoot"/ zero drop boots aren't really quite the same. You're not going to develop/ maintain the same sort of strength and dexterity you'd get in your toes and ankles that you would wearing the classic, but it will stop your ankles/ arches from weakening (in my experience) and becoming inflexible. You do get much more of a tactile ground experience than you would with other sorts of footwear, but it's not quite the same either. Maybe there is something for you here? Some of these brands I haven't heard of before, but then, I've been out of the loop for the past handful of years. They might be newer, IDK. https://nomanbefore.com/best-barefoot-winter-boots-waterproof/ https://anyasreviews.com/warmest-barefoot-winter-boots-zero-drop/ It looks like the warmest of the barefoot boots for "real winters" are mukluk-type boots. E.g. there is this brand, which is aboriginal owned: https://www.manitobah.com/collections/mukluks It looks like they have Vibram soles too. Expect to shell out anywhere from 250-500 dollars though, probably. As they tend to all be individually handmade the traditional way (as the boot was traditionally made by indigenous people of the Arctic). (Otherwise, you're probably not getting as good of a boot... and it will still probably be just as expensive anyway.)

Lately, I've been giving a few groups I've been aware of a more serious listen, like Daughter. (Who I was aware of vaguely before I heard that they were going to score Life is Strange: Before the Storm.) It's definitely some moody introvert music. Paying attention to the lyrics more now, they're definitely way darker than I remembered. I've also felt like music has been supporting me more lately, and has felt less like a sort of pretty decoration to fill up space a time... I think this is somewhat faster than the album version: Acoustic versions of Prefab Spout: This one has been living in my head rent-free the past week: (and a fall-winter mood, if I've ever heard one.) And this one, the original which was my introduction to them: Very underrated group from the 80s...