Valach

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About Valach

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  1. This is a hot topic for me as I am dealing with it right now. Me and my girl have been dating for 5 months now and we are very open with each other so she told me her "number" and some details. I was very surprised in my reaction -> in the past I didn't really care about my girl's past but that was probably because I never really saw any future with them. With this girl ( eventhough the number is not realy thaaaaat high) I am struggling with this. It got to a point, where it's ruining our relationship, which is a shame, because this girl really is a wonderful person who is supporting me in every possible way. Sometimes I feel disgusted and sad by it. It came to a point, that sometimes, when we are having sex I am thinking about her being with other men (which is funny since I don't know any of them). Obviously this ruins a nice moments for me. I am trying my hardest not to judge her but as with every emotion goes, you can't really control it. I don't think this is rooted in a insecurity in my case, because am quite confident around my relationship and sex skills (got a quite bit of compliments in the past and from this girl). I think my issue is that I am resentful towards my past self, when I wanted to get laid but didn't know how so I hold a grudge against my girlfriend, girls and people having sex in general. I obviously have a problem with female sexuality in general too, probably conditioned by cultural programming. But just as you said. If I want to date a girl who is good looking, likes sex and is fun to be around, she will be with some past. I understand this in a logical layer, but can't really force my emotions to do the same Yesterday I told everything about this to my girlfriend, who had no idea I was struggling with this. I am also gonna go to therapy to find the root problem of this. If not, I will probably have to end the relationship as my girlfriend deserves someone who will not judge her for her past. I don't want to break this relationship just because of this because I have a feeling I might have the same issue in the next one so I need to deal with this now. I also noticed in myself that I tied my self-worth a lot to how many girls I slept with and sometimes I wish my number was higher. Anyone's advice, who struggled with this and got over it would be appriciated.
  2. Hi there guys. To introduce you to my story, I am 24 years old and 2 years ago I dropped out of my software engineering degree because I am was just stressed all the time and just couldnt finish it at all. Immidiatly after that I started working as a junior developer in job with very specific technologies which is not really related to other jobs so I kinda got stuck here. For a long time I was just fucking around not doing anything in my free time which I regret. Eventhough I don't see my future in the field, I haven't discovered my life purpose yet, but I know for sure that I will need a finance safety net for the future ( nothing crazy, but like an average salary in my country ). For that I have decided that I want to pursue further career in web developent as sort of a life purpose for now. However I am not sure if lack of my formal education is not gonna hold me back too much for finding job opportunities etc. I am not sure how to appraoch my situation and if I should go back to school or not. The thing with school is also that if I go back, my life will basically be full time working with no time for my friends & gf etc. Is there anyone here on this forum who has built a decent carreer in this field without a degree who could help me out? Much appriated.
  3. Excelent, thank you! Indeed. How do I work this out?
  4. Hey guys, Recently started dating a new girl and realized and ongoing problem that I had even with girls I dated before and that is a strong judgment towards girls sexual history. I find it hard accepting the fact the girls I am dating participated in casual sex and partying eventhough I did the same. I even judge the girls just for having the sex in general and I have no idea where is all of this judgment coming from but I realize it's not heatlhy, because it is destroying the way I see girls I am dating and I become quite neurotic about it. Sometimes this judgment gets even very irrational. For example the girl I am dating now told me she had a friends with benefirts arrangment with one guy in the past half a year before she met me. Eventhough I slept with more girls and had same arrangments too and just had richer dating life in general, I still get triggered by it ( I don't show it to the girl ) and I still judge the girl a lot for it. Then there is a period where she was single for a year and sleeping aroud a bit and I just can't stand hearing about this eventhough as a person so far, she seems very nice for a realitionship. I have no idea where is this judgment coming from and how to get rid of it. Why do I judge girls for sleeping around if I am doing the same. Maybe it's coming from my general lack of experience? Maybe an general insecurity? I was thinking also, that it could be me regretting my past as well? I was bad at dating until age 22 and obviously feel resentful towards my past and because the girl's past expiriences remind me of lack of mine I get triggered? Anyone who experienced this and could help me out would be grealty appriated!
  5. Hi there guys, Last year I started going out and learning pickup. Recently I met a girl, whom I liked so much I decided to give it a shot with her and be with her exclusivly. What I wonder now is how do I continue my progress even while holding a realitionship. Obviously I am not gonna be going out hitting on other girls (apart from occasional winging of my friends). So I was wondering what are some other principles or habits I could implement in my life that would help me develop myself and become more attractive even when not going out? Any ideas would be greatly welcome
  6. Welcome. Here I will have my own journal about my self-development with special focus on pickup which I will be doing with high intensity right now. I bought a RSD program, which takes 10 weeks to complete, so I will write down my experience here. I am starting with the program today. I will soon add more information and my whole pickup vision.
  7. Hi there, I would like to ask guys on forum..how did you keep up your energy when doing night game? Last week I have been on 4 nightgames (tuesday, thursday, friday and saturday) and I ran into a problem of not having energy after sleeping less. Let's say I go out on tuesnday and game until 2am and have to wakeup at 8am for a work. I can at my age (24) do just fine in work with less sleep but what catches me is if I want to go nighgaming again I just don't have any energy left and I am going half asleep through the interactions ( which is bad coz you really need to pump things up in nightgame ). So my question here is, how did you guys, who did nightgame consistently keep your energy up? I don't think just drinking coffee would help me much, since it increases anxiety for me quite a bit and I have less quality sleep after that. Thanks in advance.
  8. Hello guys, Coming back again with a dating question. I have been doing pickup for couple of weeks this year already and through cold approach I started seeing one girl. We've known each other for maybe like 6 weeks and saw each other once a week ( so 6 times). Tbh, I do quite like this girl and eventhough I still want to continue doing pickup over the summer ( since I bought a RSD programm) I do have some emotions already for the girl and I am not sure how to go about it. What am I thinking also is...how do I tell the difference between beeing needy and liking the girl for who she is? Like maybe I don't actually like her, I just like the idea of not being alone and not having to do all these scary approaches anymore. But if I really like her and I ditch her for pickup I could regret that greatly. Any more experienced guys on here who could share their knowladge? Thanks in advance.
  9. Hey guys, coming to this forum once again with a need for help. Recently I started dating this girl I cold approched in the park. We been on 4 dates so far. I slept with her for the first time on second date and stayed over the night. The dates after that were pretty much same meaning I would come in the afternoon, we would be at her place, hangout, talk, have sex, cook some food etc. I would sleep over and then next day leave for a work. Now I did keep some distance so we did this only once a week (I've learnt from my past). Eventhough I find the girl cool and I like her (when I come to hers we dont go straight to the sex but I am totally fine with vibing first couple of hours). But I guess I am just not really looking for a realitionship yet. I feel like I have my pickup journey still in front of me. Now my question to the guys here, how do you setup proper expectation, how do you behave ethically here. She didn't ask me the "What are we?" question yet so we didn't talk about this but I feel like it's my responsibility to clear things out. I kinda hinted on that I am freshly after breakup (which is true) but that definitly is not enough. How do I go about this? Do I wait for her to ask me or do I bring it up? Also if you want to have things more casual is it ok, if I sleep over or should I just leave right after sex? You know I can see us even hanging out and stuff, I just feel like I want to keep doing pickup and don't want to hurt the girl in the process. Also to the people who did pickup: When did you stop? When were you like "yep, now I have learned enough and I can start building realitionship or focus on other shit". Because I feel like pickup can never truly be mastered, there will be always something new to learn. There will be always better girls to date ( I have a feeling, that if I end it with this girl I can continue pickup and find better girl). Also I feel like I have huge problem actually deciding whom I like. I don't trust my intuition and I overanalyze my realitionships. How does one learn to list to my emotions more? Thank you for your answers in advance
  10. I get what you are saying. But I don't know how to integrate this. As a good-looking person myself I can clearly see I idetify a lot with how I look and how I am percieved by others. What would be the best route to get rid of this mind-indentification?
  11. Please do go in detail What is wrong with the books ideaology?
  12. Btw. How do I found out if I am against sleeping with girls with boyfriends because it's part of my value system or because I want to feel superior to others?
  13. Hi guys, I am now thinking about one thing and would love to hear an opinion from other people. I am dating a girl currently and she has been quite open about her past sexual experiences, which I was fine with although at I started to judge her for higher number of people she slept with which is at around 30. I personnally have slept with 7 girls in my life and it bothers me a bit. I think the reason for this is also some resentfulness towards older myself where I wanted to get sex but didn't know how so now I hold it against the girl. I obviously don't tell it to the girl but it still quite triggers me when she talks about guys she fucked and I tend to loose attraction for her even. Have any of you ever have these feelings? How did you overcome them? I feel like I am much better now at seducing girls but I still have this resentment. Second part of my question is about sleeping with people who have boyfriend/girlfriend. I personally never did it ( at least knowignly). But the girl I am seeing told me that she used to sleep with some guys who had girlfriends and even wife ( and kids)... I kinda have an issue with this since it goes against my values. She told me it was "not her problem" and in a way she is right since in my experience those people would find somebody to cheat with anyway. Funnily enough, she has major trust issues and feels like most guy (including me) cheat - I think its partly in her subconscious because she enabled the cheating in the past. I just want to ask people on this forum what is your approach towards this? Would you be fine with sleeping with someone you knew has a boyfriend/girlfriend? In a way I could say I am being ethical by not doing it but then again I am sure I do plenty of things in my realtionships that are not cool anyway, like lying, manipulating etc... Also one could say that doing this is in her case maybe a part of just being younger and wild ( she is 22 now..)
  14. @integral Could you elaborate? What does this have to do with life purpose?
  15. Update: We saw each other yesterday and she admitted that for like last 2 weeks she was just pretending that she's cooled down her emotions but its still there. Today she wrote me that she loves me so I suggested that we call each other and she told me she can't continue like that and broke things off. We agreed that we will meet at least once to talk about it since I we don't want to end things over the phone, but I don't think she is gonna change her mind this time which I am fine with and think it's better for her. She told me she would like to still see each other from time to time and be friends and I would love that too but I am not sure if she can handle it, maybe few months later. Anyway @flowboy was right that I should a be a man and make decision. The girl was suffering, I knew it and did nothing. What I find hard to manage is thinking win/win in regards to girls. It's doable when you do pickup or in seduction phase. But how do I do it regarding realitionships, when my agenda goes directly against girls? That's something i need to contemplate. Anyway, thank all of you for your advice. You are wise people with great intentions