Valach

Sure, I do have "normal" friends that I enjoy hanging out with and joking around. It has its place and I am glad I have those friends. But I also want deeper friendships and a relationship with potential life partner. And me going out to socialize with people I do not intend on keeping in my life is not aligned with that goal. So I socialize way less and that is just fine.

I am trying, it is very hard indeed. But I cant be bothered to hangout with shallow people so what choice do I have?

I feel you and I am dealing with similiar issue. That being said, you do not need to socially "succeed" with most people no? If you are looking for girlfriend that is, you can try to look for someone more conscious and mature?

In some ways it was way easier for the people in the past. As you said, freedom creates a lot of chaos. I like what one modern philosopher said: "We still have arranged relationships, they are now just emotionally arranged." And our emotions can play a lot of tricks on us.

And that is exactly the definition of people pleasing. It is often subtle. In my experience this is just a way to avoid rejection and tension. It is not really good position to be operating from. If you are interested in someone, simply flirt, show your intentions or ask her out on a date.

So you are people pleasing?

Why do you want to be chill?

What is wrong with being direct?

I would say maturity plays a big role yes. But also trauma and unhealthy unbringing causes these dynamics in the first place. As I am diving deeper and deeper into this I am realizing how much of pickup strategy, eventhough it works, is optimized for insecure, not really stable people. Those are the vast majority, so it looks like it works.

@aurum I am curious how would you explain the manosphere yourself?

Then you know more secures already than I do haha. Thanks for the answer:)

@Natasha Tori Maru You probably missed the last part about me asking why do you think secures do not use dating apps since i edited it. I am not saying I don't disagree, I am just really curious about that!

That might be enjoyable and exciting for you. And painful for her.

Which part? The not being picky around sex or not wanting to commit after it?

It is hard to evaluate since i am also biased obviously. But i feel like most people are simply not self aware to admit how insecure they are. Many of my friends if i explained attachment theory to them would claim they are secure eventhough i can fully see how much insecurity they have. it is kinda bizzare. If i could snap my fingers and heal everyone over nigth, the society with its capitalistic model would probably crumble.