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Everything posted by Psychonaut

  1. Everything I have ever done was to get closer to love. To come closer to being unconditionally loved. Even if I hurt myself consciously or did something that I knew was going to be perceived as bad in most people's eyes. All I wanted to know if I was still loved. If I was a devil would I still be loved. I wanted to see if there is a condition to love. I wanted to see if there was something I could do to become unworthy of love. I have been a kid testing its parents capacity for love. It is endless. It always has been. This feeling of love is one of the greatest feelings ever. Everything dissolves in its presence. No words need to be said. No models have to be created. Nothing has to be done to be deserving of it. Getting closer to this love is one of the only things I truly yearn for.
  2. @Inliytened1 Life is boring if you can't have a little fun. I know @dimitri irl and we both agreed it was funny.
  3. I love Penis. I love Dima. I love writing. I love trolling. I love loving. I love hating. I love not knowing what to say. I love being delusional. I love whatever. I love prefacing everything with "I love".
  4. I am being ignorant here. For me MDMA always seemed like a hippy party drug. In some comment Leo mentioned that MDMA is actually a psychedelic. I was always hesitant of trying it because it seemed to "damage" the brain and one would feel down afterwards. Does it have a use? I have done most of the regular psychedelics and looking for something new.
  5. As it seems like the general consensus is to just take it every 3 months, would candyflipping (mdma+acid) be worth it? I am not too fond of "investing" a day or two into a long acid trip. However if one can do mdma so seldomly it might be worth trying to get the most out of it?
  6. Has anyone here experienced issues with tolerance to other psychedelics? I am aware of cross tolerance and also tolerance from psychedelics like 2-CB. It has been 10 days since my last DPT trip, which was a rather large dose #noflex at 200mg and today I tried 1.5g shrooms. Feels like 10ug micro dosed acid. A previous DPT trip at around 100mg had similiar effects. Even after 2.5 weeks my micro dosed acid seemed to do nothing. Ever since I have started DPT it feels like I have to increase the already rather high dosages even more. I suppose people will tell me that tolerance might need longer than 2 weeks to reset with these high doses. I have done high dose LSD, but not back to back trips. There would be a long gap of several weeks in between. Anyhow DPT still seems to work. Just need a high dosage and it still gives me some insight every time.
  7. Has anyone tried micro-dosing DPT? Since I have teken DPT my LSD micro dosing doesn't work anymore. It has been 2 weeks and still tolerance hasn't reset. I'm no TV feeling well at all so I was thinking of trying micro dosing DPT instead. I probably should just full dose though. DPT at least for me has been a really good tool for reorientation me when I feel down, but there is nothing that I can point to in particular.
  8. Congratulations on having reached 30 centimeters. I wish you a big strong dick, my friend. Also congratulations on being open with wifey, you have reached a new level of openness in your relationship.
  9. Does love dissolve all 'problems' when truly felt? Especially how deep the feeling of gods love goes. Seems like humans always are looking for a problem or reason for why they can't be loved. Love be like "that's okay" "I understand". The feeling of love just goes deeper and deeper. When there is no problem to solve, nothing to protect, nothing to do is what remains love?
  10. @Lisa2525 How long have you kept this habit up? Is it weeks, months or years? Maybe you don't want to be at the party and that is why you drink a little more? I have also had times in which I drank about 3 bottles of wine per week. I stopped doing that for no particular reason. However, it only was about 2 months in which I did that. It also was rather expensive for me.
  11. @Leo Gura First of all. Thank you for making me care more about politics. I appreciate the viewpoint of seeing politics/government as a tool to "increase the love for the largest amount of people". Now I just wonder what I can do. It seems like just voting is not quite enough.
  12. @Jed Vassallo I would say it depends on your reaction to weed. I have mixed weed and 5-MeO often. Unfortunately weed makes me hornier than sitting in a jaccuzi with a bunch of naked 10s. Masturbating on 5-MeO is not one of my proudest moments, though unforgettable too. Maybe that makes me a devil. Weed makes the trip longer. I recall my trips being over 2 hours sometimes. If you want to feel a bit more relaxed, you could also make sure you are feeling good in your environment. I feel really good about myself when I have cleaned up my room and everything looks nice. You could also take a walk in the forest, along the river or meditate for half an hour, drink a cup of good quality green tea, go for a run or do anything that makes you feel good naturally. I have probably "wasted" many opportunities for growth by providing myself with "a way out" when I added weed.
  13. @assx95 Attitude attitude attitude, my darling. A girl that you know for 3 years, should be your girlfriend by now. Can't really open up so late. She knows already that you are interested, but has discarded you because you took so long. That is sneaky and girls don't like sneaky. Your attraction to a girl has to at least be matched by her attraction to you. You cannot show more attraction, especially at the beginning. That pushes her away. Flakyness. Three strikes and out. Interested girls don't flake or come to late. You don't really need a girl. She doesn't really matter, she is just a container. She only needs to be able to trust you, let go and not give you too much flack (which shouldn't have an effect on you anyways). You have so many things to do that give you equal or even a deeper and longer lasting sense of fulfilment than sex with a girl. So you don't really care. She is there when she is, she is not there when she is not and she is gone when she is gone. You are still here. Pretty much unfazed. She doesn't matter, you might choose to spend time with her. Notice you choose, you are not forced to spend time with specifically her. It could be someone else too. Things can get really really dirty when the girl feels that she is your only option.
  14. @Jed Vassallo It doesn't work this way. I have tried forcing it especially with 5-MeO-DMT. It just traumatized me even more. I have to deal with this shit.
  15. So this weekend I took DPT 3 days in a row. First 2 days was mixed with weed and today was sober. Dosages were 60, 75 and 105mg rectal. This is after taking a 6 day break of a daily 4-AcO-DMT microdosing schedule. You can probably subtract at least 10-20mg for general tolerance from my dosages. First two trips seemed to just stir stuff up, but I didn't know what it was. It was not tangible for me. Because my girl got worried about me I crashed a little yesterday. Not too bad. Then today I was experiencing the familiar pain. The pain that drives me to want to essentially terminate this life. Even though I can't, because then the pain lives on in my family members. Sometimes that makes me hate everyone that loves me, because they are keeping me here. On the other hand I am grateful, because I would have left long time ago. I wanted to know what this pain was, I wanted to know today. I wanted to "fix" it, to "make it right", I wanted to "pay the price" for whatever it was. It is rather personal and messy childhood family stuff. I got taken pretty much straight to it. It was not something I was thinking about and popped up pretty much out of the blue. I am rather grateful for this experience and I feel like a large burden has been lifted from me. DPT is a powerful tool and it seems highly maluable to me. So if you have a burning desire to know "what it is", then I guess you will get your answer. However you will have to live with it. I just wanted to know what "this pain" was that was crippling me in PTSD like flashbacks. I got my answer. I will take a break from DPT and go back to my 4-AcO-DMT micro-dosing schedule. Maybe in a month I will take another few days and dedicate that to digging down to "what it is".
  16. So I took a break from my microdosing addiction for one week and took 60mg DPT plugged after having beaten my meat on weed until it was dead and out of seed. God, I love the female orgasm. It gives no release. It keeps going on. No stop. Perfect. Surrender. Feel. Alive. It feels like I got fucked by a drug. Like I have been violated. I liked it. A lot. I'd like to show it. I can only show it to my girl. Such a good girl. Perfectly imperfect. Yet I still accept her. The way she is. Fill her so she will be the best yet. Penetrate into her. Through her the entire world will be filled. I surrender in her arms. I drop my body. Let go of control. I am received and held up. I float away into a soft sea of nothingness. It envelops me like a cocoon protects a butterfly. I am surrounded by it. Sweet because I made it. Perfectly still. So sweet and delicious. Mine. I made you and I made me. I make and I have made. I will continue to make and dream. Dream is real. I am here and you are here. I make it so. This is me. And you. Forever. In sweet harmony. Let's come together. These are just letters floating on a screen. Seemingly coming out of nowhere. Were those it come from. Do you understand everything that makes this possible right now. This moment made possible by a past version of me. Now a newer version reads me. A never ending cycle of something. What is it. I don't know. I feel like I am loosing it while I write this. It leaves my body through my fingers. My fingers that are typing on a keyboard. What is a keyboard. Letters are appearing on a screen in front of me. The sentences become longer and longer while I am returning to this body. Take it over and make it mine. Look where I go. I go wherever I want to go. I make whatever I want real. This is my choice. This is my life. You see. It is coming back. Taking over. Taking control of my body. I let it in. It's voice is so sweet. Here we go. Fuck you all. Suck my dick. Beautiful. Isn't it. I wouldn't want it any other way. Hard. Firm. Penis.
  17. I wished Leo would have never recommended the use of milligram measuring spoons. :-/ @iTommy I once snorted 150mg of DMT and that was just because I had no way of smoking it. That amount of powder didn't even fit into my nose and was running down my throat and out through the front. The powder was literally everywhere. Luckily it was nice and sparkly for me while tripping in 5D hyperspace. However I doubt I would even "fit" 200mg of powder in my nose.
  18. @Mikael89 @theking00 Nice circlejerk. Hope you enjoyed sucking each others dicks.
  19. Take a deep breath in. Hold it and close your nose with your left hand. Now hold it. Hold it. Feel that. Something wants to live in you. Hold it longer. Can you feel the pressure rise? Hold it. Feel the adrenaline rush up your spine. Hold it. Feel how your brain becomes very silent. Watch it. Do you want to live? Drop your bullshit. All the people I know that don't have a girl in their live are only held back by themselves. Their own bullshit. Their own bitterness. Their own false beliefs about relationships and girls.
  20. That's why I put it out there. Rather be honest and hope someone will refute it. However, what difference does it make if I am God or not? I really don't know. I will try 80mg and 100mg. But If 100mg still doesn't do it. Then I think I need to abort DPT. My technique of administering is quite on point in my opinion. I have 5ml Cryovials. I measure out the powder into the vials on the scale. Then add about 1-2ml of warm water. Shake it until everything is dissolved. Empty my bowels and use an enema to clean out everything. Very gently insert the syringe with spit as lube. Very slow so it doesn't hurt. Press the plunger gently as not to squirt it in and cause discomfort. Leave it in for 15 minutes while lying on my bed. Maybe it is just because I am taking a lot of other substances atm: Microdosing 4-AcO-DMT, Phenylpiracetam, Noopept, Oxiracetam etc pp.
  21. Lol I can't take any of this seriously anymore. Am at 65mg DPT 25 minutes in. Boring, I am just going lift some weights now. Seems like a better use of my time. Maybe I die of cardiac arest. Who cares. I am not the first. Makes me think, when the best thing I think of doing is lifting some weights. Is that a good or bad thing? Is this the best or the only thing I can do?
  22. Maybe I don't want to understand. Maybe I don't think understanding has any value to it? Tbh I don't think there is any value to anything you are saying about God and everything. It is like listening to cars pass by on a road. It doesn't concern me. So Dpt is not really for me then.
  23. I don't get Dpt. It's just a nice experience with a lot of Kundalini energy. Music feels great. I wonder how much I need to increase the dosage. I have done 20, 30, 35, 45 mg so far...
  24. If she doesn't like it. She can go. Noone cares. If she is not interested in you. She can go. If she doesn't think you are the best in the world. She can go. If she doesn't want to please you in every way she can. She can go. You don't need her. Yet you spend time with her. By choice. You have better things to do. If you don't have her now. Get rid of the bullshit that is keeping you from her. It is bullshit. Trust me. Purge.
  25. I can feel everything.