March

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  1. The purpose of this journal is to create a support system - on this forum to hold me accountable for my self actualisation journey and towards the path of mastery. My plan is to dedicate time weekly - every Sunday to the updating of this journal. My main goals / pursuits: Daily meditation / concentration practice Gym Piano / modern composition Reading books on psychology / philosophy. Daily meditation / concentration practice I am currently trying to work on sitting still for the total time (1 hour daily allocated). This will be a big accomplishment if I can hold this increased time until the first of June. The plan is to do 45 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening. I am breaking the morning sessions into two parts and the evening session in 1 15 minute chunk. Gym I am currently working on a program by Athean X. I have paused to to the incongruence with my training. My goal is powerlifting, and I am working hard to master the form of the bench, squat and deadlift. My goal is to get the volume back up by doing 5 sets of 10 for the big three, then to progress to heavier lifts from there. Piano / modern composition I am currently working on a piece Happier by Ed Sheeran. Also working on scales and other exercises. Reading books on psychology / philosophy. I am currently on my year's journey of trying to read 100 books on psychology and 100 books on philosophy / general self help / biographies. I am up to a very interesting book I am looking forward to reading: The Discovery of the Unconscious, which provides a history of dynamic psychiatry. My interest. I will hopefully update this every Sunday, starting this Sunday. Today is the first day, so this is an exception. My best of wishes to my fellow self actualisers here on the forum.
  2. Starting off my training journal here AthleanX Beast X Program currently
  3. Like there's a "white" path / frame of mind There's an "asian" path / frame of mind There's a "black" path / frame of mind When I go out in pubic, I always notice shit like different races giving each other glares and shit It does seem though, in general, there are genuine differences in how these different paths work Like "white" path has a sort of emphasis on matter / science - like there's a "white" / "western" frame to training and like white people do in general have more like muscle mass - but then there's an "asian" path with an emphasis on mind / spirituality, there's like more explosiveness / higher peak strength but lack in like matter / muscle mass. The hell is this????? Oh and btw I find that books like psychovybernetics / general self help stuff like Leo shares, especially in his earlier vids are directed towards the masses of the "white" mentality. So how do these paths match? Are they destined to clash? What sort of "self actualizing" resources / raising of consciousness resources are there that're directed towards "Asian" paths or like "Indian" or "black" paths? Cheers guys
  4. Lisa A Romano. Life Purpose - from my perspective - is helping people recover / through narcissistic relationships (parenting / any kind of narcissistic relationship). She's been through it. And she's passionate about it. You can see and feel it. And I feel she's really created a sort of niche. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ‘Œ
  5. Idk, probably not important anyway But just saw this on the internet Leo's doing blog posts now??? or is this a copyright infringement??? Ehhh i guess i'm just "snitching" but hey maybe i'll learn something about copyright? Idk
  6. I'm writing this cause I've been sucked into a just, horrible social shithole just about now - the worst from about May this year, 2021, to just about a week a a bit ago, around November 19th / 20th. In summary, I've been doing personal development about 2-3 years now. Done some really deep work, seriously like i thought i was way ovverrr spiral dynamics stage orange heavy stuff - like I heard a song about late 2019, and really just realized that I was like doing meaningless shit that didn't help others or myself, and life was just so fucking beautiful, why am i doing all this stupid shit. Took the life purpose course, REALLY seriously, started meditating basically every day since mid-late 2019 until now. And STILLLLLL i got sucked basically all the way to ground zero, till I was like nothing. The hero's journey models this pretty well - I really felt a serious "death / rebirth". Felt like I was sucked all the back to ground zero, like I was nothing. So basically - I took this quite intense course in my school (high school) - won't name it cause don't feel the need / confidential. as a result, i basically went into this heavy, busy lifestyle FULLY CONSCIOUS THAT I WANT TO LIVE A MINIMALISTIC LIFESTYLE, DOING MEDITATION ALL THE TIME, TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING DELIBERATELY AND MINDFULLY. Basically, these were my observations: When you're really busy, your energy sort of needs to go into all these things you're learning, and your physical training and all that - you sort of get sucked into a narcissist's "circle of influence" REALLL easy - cuz it's like your immune system / defenses are down (that's an assumption), but basically i do feel that if you make your life real busy you can really get sucked in around with toxic people - which is kind of like porn, makes you relieved a while, but actually causes more stress Just going through this fully consciously - and even living with classmates in this course, and seeing them stressed, and not doing everything in their free time to RELAX but actually play fucking video games that stress them out even more... man that seriously just made me depressed as fuck, like these people are seriously asleep. I didn't try to do anything to them, cuz i realize a donkey ain't gonna drink no water if it don't want. but i tried to stay relaxed. failed... I generally notice an increased amount of like animosity towards each other / other people in these classrooms in this course - don't know if there's a correlation to high stress? high stress = makes you shittier people? cuz your emotional / energetic vibration is lower? lower as in like lower in the sedona method chart or like david hawkins' charts? like shittier emotional / energetic vibration = shittier thoughts = shittier actions = shittier human being? that's an assumption there, but i'd say it sure is one interpretation And a lot more I might add, from being in that toxic situation (maybe later), that just comes from being in a structurally So i say: Limit stuff like the toxic academia course circle i was in - where all everyone talks about / cares is like social status and grades and these kind of toxic stage orange shit. or i imagine some toxic workplace / business group Limit social connections related to work - that shit gets toxic and full of corruption and leading to misery real quick. Have social connections / friends / potential girlfriend / boyfriend / relationships just purely out of enjoying life
  7. My fucking god. You want an account on procrastination? You'd think I wrote some reasonably good quality stuff... yeah all that shit up there? 1000s times fucking easier than sitting down and planning - just bullet pointing a list of like 10 items. Holy fucking god. Yeah... holy fuck. Resistance sure is a bitch.
  8. As a reminder to both myself and other beginner or intermediate practitioners of the stuff Leo teaches - self help and spirituality and just basically practicing the stuff that Leo teaches as a teacher, I just wanted to post this quick reminder of what I experience as Leo's limitations. "All paths are the same, leading to nowhere." - Carlos Castaneda. (** credits to Leo's somewhere....) Leo's path: He has picked the lesser of two evils: by sacrificing a lot of basic solidarity and development to get to the deepest levels of reality. Examples: 1. He often says that sports is low consciousness, and has this general black hole on the body. The danger here, especially to newbies, is that if their life purpose IS to do with the body and sport and finding that higher consciousness in sport or physical training and trying to evolve that field, they may confuse "getting to the deepest levels of reality" as having to sacrifice sport / physical training. In reality, Leo's probably given a general diagnosis - which I would say is pretty accurate (generally, sport, especially if you look at audiences of sport) is pretty fucking low consciousness. But... I say that it's important for beginners to be aware of what Leo is doing - and be very careful on these little generalizations that Leo throws in here and there. Also, in general - just general black holes (blind spots) in fields / things he generalizes. 2. His path uses stage orange to judge personal development and spiritual development: When Leo talks a lot about "how conscious you are", or how high up on the spiral you are (spiral dynamics), as if it's some kind of achievement, or like I saw recently on the forum - Leo saying like how "if you were conscious enough you wouldn't be bothered by taking just a shot of heroin" (notice the attitude of like testing "how conscious you are" - yeah, maybe in the context of the person he was talking to it was the right advice / level of communication, but the point is realize this stage orange hierarchy to level of consciousness / personal development he has. Nothing wrong with that. I'm saying Leo, as a professional; a "Leo.Inc", it's an issue that comes with his path. Eventually, slowly, transcending "who's more conscious and more developed" may slowly, naturally occur, and happen. Disclaimer: (which yeah, for HIM, maybe it WAS the best he could do - just like some top level athletes might've had to do some unhealthy stuff to their body to get to where they are at the top or some stage green businesses had to do some ruthless bloodthirsty cutthroat business to get to where they are). 3. Leo's persona is "an ordinary guy". If for whatever reason you feel the desire / joy in just living a highly spiritually purified / self mastered existence, find other role models. Want the self mastery of a samurai or the spiritual purification of someone like David Hawkins? Well, Leo ain't helping you with that. Basically, what I'm saying is, I feel like Leo has sided with the duality / or his public persona sides on the side of ordinary as opposed to special / saint / spiritual guy / hero / self actualized guy. So - this can create something against "special" people in society, like Sadhguru, or Eckhart Tolle - like a spiritual teacher. **Note - actually Leo is growing more towards incorporating both sides now which is great - but I'm talking about his earlier videos, if you just watch those, you can get stuck into that half of the duality. But even now, Leo still talks about a lot or emphasizes that just watching some porn is ok or just you know doing a bit of this and a bit of that is ok - well, ok. That's a just a path. Don't conflate that with the advanced teachings of Self Love or other stuff he teaches. Basically what I interpret is that Self Mastery / spiritual purification is kinda an independent variable from the depths of reality Leo has penetrated. (Actually that's an assumption. Leo or mods or other late intermediate / advanced practitioners please assert me or correct me on this - whether Self Mastery / spiritual purification is an independent variable from the deepest insights like Self Love and spiritual insights and principles of life and wisdom that Leo has gained / teaches). Look, in summary, I recognize this is my burning through some desires, criticizing as just distraction, but hey, I guess I just chose to consciously purge this out as opposed to ignore the desire. So if you do find something useful here, cool. Cause if I was conscious, these problems would all go away cuz the limitations would be so obvious, and there'd be no need to defend against them or criticize them - simply do / seek what i think IS right. OH yeah. Use this post as a case study for the video of "How to deal with critics, trolls..." Such a waste of time perfectionism So, aight, peaceโœŒ๐Ÿผ
  9. Hey guys, I'm 17 right now. (I'm a guy btw.) I'm probably average / a bit above or below in terms of how I do "with girls". I'm in high school right now. I feel like girls are attracted to me, some flirt with me, I've flirted with some girls. My confidence is quite bipolar at the moment goes like crazy mental reality flipped 180 degree sometimes (just good old "muscle soreness" from spiritual work / personal development ). But I just don't have a girlfriend yet (or sex) I'm just wondering what the "norm" is? Like I've got friends who date / have girlfriends. I don't really have... girls... so my friends just kinda tease me about it like in a friendly way if we talk about gettin girls. But I guess like some have had sex? Like lost their virginity. I guess I could say my sticking point is escalation? Idk... just wanted to hear your stories for your first relationships (whether you're a guy or girl - it's cool hearing form either points of view. Like how it started, did you go on like dates, did you like text a lot first, talk, become friends first, just go into sex??, i dunno, guess this could be a reminiscing thread for you guys - and if you're like me and still single well, i guess we got some stuff to learn here
  10. 7 felt pretty bad today: more grounding from life purpose - realizing that resistance is such a big thing, always more resistance ahead, always more resistance to face. that is the dragon you fight - relative of course. but that is realizing that all of this, all of these things you "do". Pursuit. Life Purpose. All of that is a game. That gives you detachment. Never forget that. Never forget your death. Live every moment as if it were your last. Here's some examples of hero's journeys and life purposes: life purpose. george lucas' journey - *book: George Lucas - a Life. luke skywalker's journey. joseph campbell: hero with a thousand faces. elliott hulse's journey. stephen curry's journey. eragon: book. santiago. the alchemist. jesus? the buddha? shinzen young? realize that there IS a lot more learn, a long way to go. even if you're awakened or enlightened. always there is further to go. Personal development what is there to say strange loops. i'm interested in that. for sure im interested in that. gotta read that. so much to do. personal development. conscious folly. conscious controlled folly. that's a big one. what else is there. surrounding yourself with the right people. actualized.org. all your groundings increased. Physical Training Remember your groundings. Work on building that speed and that strength. That is so important. An 85kg front squat. Speed. Just gradual work, and work, and work. Yeahh, that's it. Gonna add a "purging" section for this one, I'm sorry, being in a deeply unconscious environment really fucks with ya. (โ€œWhen you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.โ€ - that's a quote straight from the Alchemist (the Alchemist - in the book) Man, literally the more conscious you are, the less you cause a disturbance around you - literally you see everything for what it is (like I know i'm not at the highest levels of consciousness yet, but damn, I literally sense the desperateness and twistedness and insecurity and insanity and sheer DENIAL all around me) - yeah I'm creating a higher duality between "conscious" and "unconscious", but DAMN. Whenever I lose just a little bit of consciousness I actually realize I feel more pleasure - pleasure from "being conscious" or "being able to get girls cuz I'm conscious". really gotta isolate survival from truth. better to consciously basically scream with every word or action: I am surviving this environment here and erecting strong boundaries and getting outta here as soon as i can (cuz i'm in high school at the moment) then to even bring "truth" or "consciousness" into the equation. also, realize that other people, guys or girls, will try to suck you in. set firm boundaries. derive NO pleasure at all from school. all the pleasure you derive is grounded in your life purpose. make your final cut and really just ground yourself totally in the things you consciously choose to ground yourself in. screw the social hierarchies in school - i operate within the social hierarchy of society at large: what value do i provide to society. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut.)
  11. A simple question for those who know, or are "highly sensitive". There's been this girl - don't even know what we are... friend... talking... idk... anyway... for various other reasons - mainly just that we are way too different, I just do not feel we benefit each other in any way - that I feel I need to just set a clear boundary that I am just your aquaintance. Most people - if I just set this kinda of boundary, we just slowly move away / apart and slowly any connection between us just dies off. However, I sense I'm setting off a nuclear bomb here - she is really sensitive. She's not necessarily a "bad" person, just that me + this person โ‰  anything good... so just like, incompatible. How do I go about doing this? I am in college, she is in many of my classes - so I just plan to set the frame that we are just polite classmates - but even this I'm afriad will be too sudden / hurtful? ***However, no way in 100 lifetimes I'm not cutting this off 100%, straight off, clean, done; it's just wayyyyyyy to toxic and harming. Any suggestions of how I could do this? (mainly I'm just seeking communication tips with people who tend to be more "highly sensitive" Note** there's nothing wrong with being highly sensitive, it's actually one of the things that pulled me / sucked me still in this connection between me and her, call it a "relationship", whatever you will. It's just too much other crap.
  12. ***Note - important to add: Is using your ACTUAL life purpose to ground yourself in dating "wrong"? - like I actually have this deep spiritual beautiful vision of the "art" - i say art in a general sense of that which is beautiful, creative, loving, vulnerable from the soul - i want to create cuz then you eliminate all distinctions around "beginner" "dater" - meaning like i never fucked a girl in my life...?... god... yeah.... meaning i kinda use "spirituality" or the divine, in a sense to justify my pass in being able to fuck any girl i like in the world. (consensually of course) -> is this a denial of the nature of the ladder nature of all fields (by which i mean like you can't just go, look i have such a strong beautiful vision, i believe i can do anything... then go and fucking bench press 600 pounds) -> is this the same with dating? like do i have to take dating as seperate from my life purpose? and slowly crawl - kicking and screaming - my way up? so if the girl has mastered the field of "dating / relationships", then she's beyond me? i don't know... i feel like this is quite a nuanced subject
  13. Hey guys, Another question for you guys here. A simple one: How you do "practice flirting" or say trying to understand, in real life, how women work - with the sole intent of wanting to do personal development - without actually wanting a relationship? I used to just try - in every situation possible - or at least try - to practice flirting / talking to girls. I think I may have subconsciously used deep emotions to do this... and what I just viewed as another "practice" turned into girls chasing me... I didn't expect that... (probably because I haven't been the kind of guy to get a lot of girls in the past)... When "practicing dating / pickup / flirting", then, what's this grey spot with ethical concerns? Is there like a "rule" when doing casual flirting not to involve deep emotions / perhaps even spirituality - as it hurts too much the other party? Also, I am mainly talking about just good old regular life here - so does that mean if I just want to do the pickup / sleep / fuck with a bunch of girls thing I gotta do it in a "pickup" environment where everybody's just looking for sex? Idk... a relative newbie here...