Harlen Kelly

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Posts posted by Harlen Kelly

  2. Posted

    18 hours ago, Mimesis said:

    It is quite simple. Stop thinking it. Because it is not true

    And of course it is hard for me to convince anybody about this truth, since you know... Beware!, But if something is hunting you and makes you suffer, it it because that "truth" is not true. And other reasonings would tell you that your ego is not accepting it. It is really not that, I hope you believe me

    Greatings

    Just because a piece of knowledge elicits suffering on you, does not mean that piece of knowledge is incorrect. 

    ''I hope you believe me'' is a very poor argument. 

    @Ghzem Observe the thought and observe the emotions it elicits without getting attached to the thought. 

  4. Posted

     

    On 5/20/2021 at 11:03 PM, Rinne said:

    @Leo Gura Leo i agree with some stuff you say. But dont you think that porn is unnatural? Im not for no fap really but i do think that porn gives us way too much dopamine than that our evolutionary brains werent really meant for thus causing some imbalances in our brain. I feel like porn makes us men a bit weaker. 

    Btw are there any books you would recommend around this topic?

    That's a story you are telling yourself. Porn being a ''bad'' thing is a belief, is not a fact. 

  5. Posted

    3 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

    Has anyone here considered that it might not be toxic behavior? I mean you only have so much information from what the OP has mentioned.

    While I don't consider porn cheating and I don't think it is an issue in terms of emotional attachment and stuff like that, it can affect a relationship in other ways and there are many examples of where porn affected a relationship in a negative way. Perhaps the girl is afraid of that and needs to communicate.

    Also maybe she just cares about pleasing her boyfriend and maybe thinks, because of some personal experience perhaps, that him watching porn means that she is not good enough in bed for him and she genuinely wants to improve by again, communicating. I guess watching porn is more understandable from this perspective during a pandemic, when people cannot see each other as often for obvious reasons, but if people spend a lot of time together having sex and then one of them wants to watch porn, there might be an issue.

    She's acting the way she is acting because she is insecure and neurotic. 

  9. Posted

    29 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

    This wasn’t my point. I wasn’t implying that monogamy is more transcendental. 
    What I was saying is that certain things can be transcended like the need for acting out a certain desire, which could be satisfied in other ways like having other things going on in your life. Usually it comes down to boredom and lack of fulfilment in other areas of life that they search in other ways to get that fulfilment.
    I don’t believe monogamy is the be all, end all.  And I don’t believe 1 relationship has to last forever. Some do. Most don’t. 
    i was speaking of the attitude of people here, and how they were saying it’s just something the woman has to accept and get over, like it’s the absolute truth. It’s just about finding someone you are compatible with.  Most people aren’t compatible, so they start searching elsewhere outside the relationship. 
    Both women and men fantasise about sleeping with others, this is not just a male thing. 
    I was talking to a friend today, she told me she and her boyfriend had just opened there relationship, and it was HER who wanted that, not him.
    Some people are happy with monogamy. 
    If you aren’t happy with it then stay single or find a compatible partner who wants the same as you.  Why not stay single whilst you act out your innermost desires, don’t try to be in a monogamous relationship while you’re going through this, if it’s not something you want or are ready for, therefore minimising your collateral damage on others..

    1 - The vast majority of men are inclined to sex variety not because of ''boredom'' or ''lack of fulfillment'', most men are attracted to the idea of sex variety because that is how the male mind works. Not understanding this will create unnecessary suffering. 

    Does that mean a man has to always have multiple relationships and his partner has to accept it? No, he can definitely control his desires, but do not get it twisted, your boyfriend or husband is literally attracted to thousands upon thousands upon thousands of women weather you like it or not, and guess what? That will not change, why? Because that is how the male mind works. 

    Men get attracted to women instantly and there is no limit to the amount of women a man can be attracted to simultaneously. 

    Instead of denying and vilifying aspects of reality that you cannot change, you should strive to understand and transcend those aspects. 

     

     

     

  11. Posted

    1 hour ago, Manusia said:

    Soulmate is just a label to people that really deeply resonate with. Of course I can leave them if we in serious relationship. Is she become non resonate after a she cheat on me? Maybe yes. Maybe no. I dont care If she with me or not. I still love she wherever she is unconditionaly. 

    Sure you do.

  14. Posted · Edited by Harlen Kelly

    @intotheblack

    5 hours ago, intotheblack said:

    Yep. Of course it’s purely devilish to say that from a mans point of view, and it’s benefitting them to say that it is the woman who should be more secure and that she has to simply accept that.  It wouldn’t be expected of the man to transcend himself in that area. No just the woman should change.  It allows them to keep being devils.  
    also remember most the guys on this forum are young and have distorted views on relationships and love.  

    Men don't owe you a monogamous relationship. Surprise, surprise. Wanting to have a monogamous relationship is mostly the female's agenda, not the male's agenda.

    Something else that needs to be understood is the following: there is nothing transcendental about the craving of monogamous relationships. If you desire a monogamous relationship, fine. But don't delude yourself into thinking that you are ascending or something by virtue of the fact that you want to have a monogamous relationship. 

    Obsessing over the idea of a monogamous relationship is equivalent to obsessing over the idea of having big house, or the idea of having a lot of power, etc. It's just another delusion and craving of the ego. 

  18. Posted · Edited by Harlen Kelly

    @kinesin You are not understanding, Unconditional love is not romance. Unconditional love can include romance but that is not what constitutes love. 

    Something else that needs to be understood is that, you cannot ''receive'' love from somebody else, love is simply the fabric of reality and recognition of the other as you. This can be directly experienced and observed. 

    You are confusing attachment with love. 

  22. Posted

    @Valach Always multiply the number she tells you by at least 1.5 if you want to know the real laycount, not that the laycount is a problem, just keep that in mind. 

    This girl will FOR SURE AND 100 PERCENT CERTAINTY play with you. She will eventually dump you. Don't try to turn this type of women into relationship material. You can have fun with her, just don't get emotionally attached.