Rishabh R

I was confused and messed up regarding applying which self-help concept to improve my life. I went from YouTube videos to videos. Read two books a little- What the Buddha taught by Walpola Rahula to Discourses and selected writings by Epictetus. I was running around in circles then, I finally sat down in the evening to figure this out. The question I asked to myself was - What's 1 self-help concept that will radically improve my life ? Insight :- .Stop caring about negative situations and focus on improving them Even nearly 17 minutes of contemplation yielded profound clarity I estimate how about 30 minutes, 1 hour (as I have done in the past) - it will yield deeper clarity and more penetration to truth. Later I contemplated it's applications:- - Whenever I encounter a negative situation I can think that there is a way to improve it -Whenever I am treated rudely I can focus on moving on -Whenever I commit a mistake I can focus on how to make it right -Whenever I fail,get rejected I can make an objective to try again until I succeed -Whenever I suffer I can make a point to feel it

Ok but @Leo Gura I also have noticed that people in life and also me ( sometimes) really have a habit of questioning other's opinions and thoughts rather than their which leads to self-sabotage. It's easier to question others assumptions than to question one's own. How is true skepticism different from the technique outlined in your episodes - The power of asking questions and Assumptions are the mother of all ---- ?

For example this happened to me months ago. I was in my college convocation taking the my college degree certificate. I was suffering due to the fact that I didn't had a job at that time. I also made an assumption that I won't get a job and will be unemployed. I questioned that assumption by - What if I'm wrong ?What would it mean if I were wrong ?Would being wrong create a better problem or a worse problem than my current problems for both myself and others ?( I picked up this practice from a book) Then 3-4 days after my convocation 2 companies came for placements and I applied to them. I got paid apprenticeship offer from both and I chose one. Right now I am doing my apprenticeship since , 4 months. So isn't tranquility as well as making progress in life a side effect of skepticism ?

@Leo Gura Is challenging one's thoughts, beleifs and assumptions even in the case of very practical matters related to survival true skepticism ? I have found that when I question my assumptions about the future by - What If I'm wrong ? my assumption turns out to be false not only in the moment but also when reality shatters my assumptions.

@bazera Yes and I had both good and bad interaction with that person in the past which lead to final rejection after which I didn't saw her.

I was excited after seeing this post then went into thinking what it would be about .

I am a 25 year old single male who has never been in a relationship. I have been fallen into the trap unrequited feelings for women over and over again. I have read Models by Mark Manson , Dating essentials for men by Dr. Robert Glover which were helpful. However, I have approached those women in real life but was rejected by them - some actively ignored me while for some others I found that they had a boyfriend. From the place that I am coming I think that I am not the only one who has been here as my Dating journey hasn't even begun. Leo's blog post on - Women can't satisfy men makes perfect sense here but I haven't broken out of that fantasy practically but intellectually yes. As a matter of fact I need to take personal responsibility for moving on from those rejections and finding someone as well as satisfying myself on my own. However, the question remains that how can I distinguish between mature form of love and one-sided/unrequited or limerent love and not fall in the later ? Also, I have been inactive from posting on the forum from a while and I have learned the following about women,dating :- .Women value assertiveness ,emotional connection more than looks which is non-obvious for us men since we value good looks a lot .Pickup as well as naturals who teach you confidence are a good source of learning since confidence not only helps you in dating but also in other areas of life .Getting to know a woman no matter how beautiful or less beautiful she is far more important than physical attraction since relationships are influenced by personality more than just purely physical traits .No matter how many women reject you there will still be another one out there who will like you so prioritising those women who treat you decently is a sign of mental stability and longer term happiness rather than chasing those who seem attractive but treat you rudely

@Leo Gura Your blog has been a goldmine of wisdom which is becoming deeper and deeper. Regarding the blog post that women cannot satisfy men it breaks the illusion of single men like me that attracting a relationship would be an eternal bliss like a sharp scissor that is used to cut clothes. I remember that once I was contemplating - What is the most wisest way to live life ? and one of the insights among many was that - Only I can fulfill myself. Thanks.

@Someone here Another great question is : How direct experience is different from concepts and imagination ?

@Shermaningeorgia You must not look up to hot women and stop putting them up on the pedestal. There's one thing you can do :Learn from them. You can learn from them that despite having good looks and many guys wanting to be with them they ( hot women ) suffer from natural ebbs and flows of life.Everybody is suffering no matter how good they look externally. People are themselves when they are alone, not in a group.Since, we have to walk our paths by ourselves the hot women have their own inner struggles in life going on.

@Leo Gura I loved the emotional reactivity post (it's gold) since I have been guilty of it but I am making progress. By the way - How to maintain my poise when criticized over and over again when the criticism is contradictory ? Is it relevant to remind oneself that criticism doesn't tell anything about me as a person but rather it is trying to point me in the correct direction.

I have a lot of insights from contemplation but I will share the ones which hit me out of nowhere. .People are irrational .People have widely different lives .The hard way is better than easy way

Yes.

@Jannes Suffering is inevitable in life no matter what you do . As per my experience as a 25 year old single and having been rejected by many girls (also seeing many relationships start and end in front of my eyes )you can improve your situation by asking yourself : What is the purpose of my suffering ? Just a bit of emotional regulation here.😂

@Miguel1 Agreed.The toughest decisions of our life carry the seed of our significant growth which improves our life trajectory.