Alex K

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Posts posted by Alex K

  2. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    @Loreena @Mat Pav Thanks for coming in. I am couple years into self actualizing. I feel that I have less and less neuroticism nowadays as I actively investigate my emotions, thoughts and disfunctional world views. 

    I know that you would do something only if you really want it. My question is why would you want anything but pleasure?

    When you say something like "Pleasure is a thin arbitrary coating on a whole rich world beneath" it sounds a bit shalow. Why is it so? What is a deep rational argument here? I agree with this pitch emotionaly and it kinda sounds true, but this is not enough to build your life around it.

    So I want some explanation why not pursuing pleasure. Self actualization actualy gives you pleasure. Its just a high level learning or being or contribution pleasure according to Leo.

    So my question is what is there beyond pleasure which is realistically to want or to pursue?

    Why are people pursuing anything?

    Self actualization looks as a highly egoic pursuit to me - someone fed you stories about how grand your life would be, your ego mindlessly bought it and went on for years without experience or understanding why is this needed.

    Now I think its finally time for me to watch basic latest Leo vids on self actualization purpose)=

    To start exploring the topic is to rewatch some vids I deem relevant.

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/a-vision-for-the-self-actualized-life

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/the-3-levels-of-personal-development-work

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/low-quality-vs-high-quality-consciousness

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/the-grand-model-of-psychological-evolution

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-unleash-your-ambition

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/paradoxes-of-personal-development

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/halloween-special-2014

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/understanding-the-authentic-self

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/state-of-the-union-01

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/staying-hungry

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/personal-development-plan

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-motivate-yourself

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-find-your-passion

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/true-vision

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/dream-life

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/cause-and-purpose

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/what-should-i-do-with-my-life

    https://www.actualized.org/articles/self-actualization

  3. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    I've contemplated about why do I not want to be obese and came to a conclusion that it lowers integral of my pleasure due to pain and premature death. I've read the Leo vid about happiness spectrum and wikipedia page on pleasure, some topics on heroin here.

    I have an idea that maybe self actualization boils down to optimizing pleasure in terms of magnitude and sustainability.

    Is that so? Pleasure is just some reaction in our brains why is it so hard to transcend? I believe enlightenment transcends pleasure chase, but is a damn hard and rare pursuit.

    Why should I transcende pleasure? 

    I guess pleasure centers in our brains are not really a part of ego, maybe even enlightenment won't do it?

    How could I beat the pleasure chase right now? Is it a multi-year spanning delayed gratification thing? Is it even possible then?

    Fullfilment = pleasure × time, isnt it?

    I guess my purpose in life is to maximize pleasure. Is anything wrong with it? What can be a better alternative without arbitrary morality concerns?

  5. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    I think I still do not accept reailty in that I am responsible for everything. 

    I watched some videos on programmers work in Israel. And it awoken panic in me akin to my last Germany experience.

    I woke up with dread and panic from a dream regarding all this in the morning. I fear loosing a job and not getting a new one because of my lack of mastery in programming. I've had my morning meditation filled with this thoughts.

    I need to remove my ignorance. I need to understand that being responsible for absolutely everything in me, with me and around me is a nature of reality.

    I listened to "Doing the emotionally hard thing" video on my way to work, because it is highly relevant to not accepting the responsibility for everything.

    The rest of the way I've meditated/contemplated on this, observing powerfull fears coming in sporadeous gusts and the surface layer of my resistance to this reality. I cryed a bit a couple of times. I need to keep this work going. This persisting on being ignorant is an active drag on my actualization and happiness. I need it worked out.

     

    I do not seem to have a victim mentality. I just do not accept or assume full responsibility and I have giant fears and panics over this, especially regarding loosing a job and not being able go get a new one and not being able to provide for myself and my family.

    Intuition spark gave me an idea that maybe I had a past trauma or childhood vow to not take responsibility, maybe on occasion of not being able to do anything with some problem - I'll tread the work minding the idea.

     

  6. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    A week has passed. I apparently have no attitude to a rigid challendge.

    I'm learning about the jew mentality, can sum up what I've learned as "Do useful things all day long, do not care about anything, be nice to like-acting and -minded people and polite/indifferent/cold to lazy-asses. Do not whine, do not exibit self pity, do not be jealous of others, be happy and polite. Want more and good stuff and life, accept other people accomplishments and stive to benefit from them, use them to grow and offer more stuff to the world."

    This looks highly healthy and materialistic/pragmatic. I want some of that!

    Currently I guess I have a lot of self pity which I think stands in a way of working hard.

    I think self pity is a psychological part of self preservation instinct and needs contemplation and analysis to be weeded out.

    I think when I had lots of past traumas generating emotions, Self pity was a more or less legit way to limit overall stress on my mind, but now it has no use.

    And second component, Laziness is a problem for me as well. A very simple situative lazyiness. For this Leo has some good vids, maybe it's time for them.

     

  7. Posted · Edited by Alex K

     

    @Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj @YaNanNallari @Elisabeth @Elisabeth @clytaemnestra @Nahm @spinderella

    To whom it may concern.

    Since this topic started, I've had some breakthroughs with my post traumas and I feel like I'm naturally starting to eat better, eat less crap.

    However, I feel that support is a very good thing, very warm and nice.

    Thanks for your support! 

    - Regarding the Healing meditation video - a very nice one.

    I actually assured myself that I will always be here, helping, supporting, encouraging, understanding myself thus I will never be alone - while working on a nasty trauma - in a self dialog mode of a inner child and a "therapist" or a "grown up one" or a "rational/strong one", a "deffending one". That was and could be needed again to heal myself and it is remarkably similar to the basic instruction "You are enough" from the meditation, but much deeper I believe.

    ----------------

    Currently my understanding is that I overeat when I'm tired and I still need to do something like some work or home things.

    For that I currently devised an excercise to contemplate stuff as per Leos vid. But I would not contempalte relationship, I contemplate Tiredness and Rest. Remarkably I start seeing just how little do I know about these too mundanest things!

  8. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    I would of course want dignity in all the situations. But to get it, I would need to change the world at large. But that is not within my grasp. So what I would do with this? I would try to become at peace with reality. I can do this in multiple distinct ways and by combining them together, one of which is ensuring an emergency plan in case everything else fails.

  9. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    Yeah, sorry I've misunderstood you. Yes, world is not fare. And we all want good to happen to us, but it does not so we strive to wrap our minds around this somehow. Self development/spirituality/etc can provide a lot of interesting and fullfilling things which will help you grow and would potentially alleviate your suffering in case of a bitter end partially or altogether. You can pursue it in depth as is offered here or go on with your life and be prepared as you are, no worries.

  10. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    26 minutes ago, AstralProjection said:

    I believe what Leo said about paradoxes, so I can agree with you that dignity is a human concept, but it's also a real tangible thing that can be measured.

    Leo mentions paradoxes a lot, but regards them as exercises for us and as temporary corks. Do not agree with me. "Human concept" is not a paradox, it is literally something that only exists in communication between humans and only human thoughts and emotions give it substance, it comes to life through human societal coexistence, it is a cultural thing, it is an error of our minds. In this literal sense, one can remove dignity as a belief, as a concept, as a source of emotions, thoughts, concerns and suffering from his mind completely through actualization. Then no matter how much my mind is destroyed - dignity is nowhere to be found in it.

    And by humans I mean Egoes.

  11. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    The question is what is to happen when lots of people would get it? 

    http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Articles/kabbalah/Creation/creation.html

    Here it looks to me that there should be some kind of ascension, it says "repairing of the world".

    Maybe like a man coming back from a long coma but for the whole of the universe?

    Are there any sources on what could multiple enlightened people come up with if working together in groups like scientists? Or is this experiential understanding all that there is? Maybe such people where never put together and having all their material needs met so that they can focus on further self study?

    Clearly enlightened people continue on living as usual people, they do not get frozen for the rest of their lifes with this Nothing is not Nothing revelation. But this should be the fringe where something mystical is happening, and it's not. 

    As for example when we discover superconductivity, objects start flying on their own. 

    So why there seems not to be any practical implications of enlightenment in the world?

    Only some enlightened people left some texts so that if someone were to have enough of an open mind and zeal, he could reach what they've reached. 

    I haven't read the Jew scriptures, but here are some people with knowledge I understand. If their in-scripture view of the world is one of an enlightened human and should be taken literaly, is there anything else profound in there, which should be taken literally and which shows next steps after mass enlightenment?

    All this people with knowledge of a Nothingness could not possible think only about making the world a more harmonious, prosperous place, it's literally ridiculous.

    As are my sixteenth-assed attempts at grasping all this.

  13. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    @Revolutionary Think my advice to you would be to not regard Leo content as interesting, but to use it to start rigorously actualizing yourself asap. Start a meditation habbit to get over yourself a bit. Then start methodically looking and improving your stuff.

    Regarding your passion I believe you could benefit from some legwork like:

    - getting in touch with already present school related organizations, looking into what you can do for them

    - becoming a mentor for some school and bringing what you want to kids

    - getting any licenses or diplomas so that school board lets you in on their kids

    - maybe becoming a teacher at some progressive school

    - Etc. Etc. Etc

    This all gives you perspective, knowledge - foundation to contemplate deeper, and some weight with your large audience speeches.

    Btw, getting to high mastery level at something is a well regarded topic here and a one of self actualization. So please do post a link to your best craft for our evaluation, just do not pitch anything and you ll be fine. You can also make a self actualization journal, post your stuff and add specific people as @users.

    Best of luck!

  16. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    All examples are building resistance to some stuff like adversity or using body mechanics effectively.

    If you starve when/and feel good there is nothing chaotic about it, all as planned.

    If you have a stable job and do art project on side there is nothing chaotic.

    If you remove dirt from your mind it's just sweeping, nothing black swany about it.

    Antifragilty idea seems to me to be breaking laws of entropy.

    Planned calculated chaos is not chaos.

    Real life hydra would crumble under excessive heads weight.

    Leo style Nothingness hydra would be everything and not giving a flying f about fragility.

    Only some people are truly in their comfort zone - we call it enlightenment. For other souls, tormented as they are, its immoral to call them being comfortable. Imho.

  18. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    So last weekend I've at least partly broken my neurosis regarding fear of death and self pity on suffering and death.

    I felt free enough from emotional pressure to look around a bit. From a random thread here I've picked up a book "The Road Less Traveled". I've read first chapter on discipline. I'd looked at my non-emotional problems in life and concluded that in large part they come from a lack of discipline.

    I'm a 28 year old with a discipline level of a 3-5 year old kid and this would simply not do anymore. I've outlined basic exercises to train my discipline from this chapter and some Leo insights and so forth.

    I proclaim a 30 days discipline challendge:

    - Two 30+ sits - first thing in the morning and one before bed no excuses - as a one disciplined practice exercise.

    - Time during the day should be preallocated in pairs of work-leisure to foster delayed gratifictaion. Work time could be 30-60 or more minutes. Leisure time could be 5-10 or more minutes. Leisure types: fap, youtube, serfing including actualized forum random threads, playing video games, chatting and talking, resting comfortably.

    - Calling my problems mine and taking calculated ratio of responsibility for them.

    - Think of a direct willpower usage exercise because this mechanism is rusty in me.

    My mantra for the challendge:

    Life is difficult. Life is a series of problems. Do I want to moan about them or solve them?

    - Unhook  from media and overstimulation.

    I think in 6-12 month I could develop a decent level of discipline and that would help me greatly in each aspect of my life.

     

  19. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    - Do 2, 3,... 10 periods of 20 minutes a day. Hell, just do 3-4 periods of 15 minutes! 

    - Check out that you actually mediate correctly. For example 20 minutes of SDS filled with deliberate thinking about sex or work obviously would not get a 20 YO healthy man anywhere, but 20 minutes of do nothing would.

    - Describe to yourself and for help to us, how exactly it is hard for you to meditate. Describe what results/changes do you feel in the last year of meditation.

  22. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    @Consept Strong forms of meditation would wipe all that issues away in years. But it is much more synergetic, comfotable, easy and faster to meditate and in parallel do the psychotherapy on your own or with professional or good people help. Awareness and mindfullness gains from meditation would greatly speed up your psychotherapy. 

    If the major part of neurotic stuff is gone and anxiety is still there, you'll have to balance powerfull self actualization techniques so that they do not burn you up.

  23. Posted

    @Principium Nexus Sounds like Teal Swan stuff. If you can/like to validate my understanding of your message, this is my take from her vid:

    "Ultimate truth of this universe is oneness.

    For that we need to learn to unconditionally love ourselves.

    I love myself is not truth yet, we would feel emotional withdrawal from that thought.

    Commitment for 1 year to live in accordance to one question - mantra for you:

    What would someone who loves himself do?

    This is like going downstream - there is no resistance, only acceptance and thus joy.

    - Every decision should be taken based on the honest intuitive answer to this question no matter how big or small.

    - Every spare minute when you have an opportunity to decide what to do with your time, you should decide this based of this question.

    The answer would come immediately like a flash of intuition (insight without conscious thinking). It's impossible to loose. It is emotion or quick impression or bodily sensation. It would be calm because it comes from highest perspective possible. If it is clouded with fear or any other strong emotion - be aware of it.

    Should be each time a QUICK intuition insight. Have the balls to follow through. You won't know why that is the answer, the source apparently knows everything about everything, so have courage to do what it tells you to do.

    Even being afraid to take the action, you would apparently have a relief from idea of an action and subsequent taking of that action. Relief feels good and taking that action would feel good. (Like, not resisting bhagavan)."