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About Loreena

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    Royal Ape
  • Birthday 03/09/1998

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    Chappell Hill Rural Texas
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  1. Growth function Giving and receiving Self awareness Situation dealing
  2. @The Monk Your parents are hampering your growth severely. Not a good place to be in. If you're in London its best if you find some counsellor to get in touch with and get their support to make your parents to understand the situation. If they don't, then apply anywhere nearby for a sales job, or other local low level jobs and use the money to live in shared rented apartments. That's your only chance brother. Or get help from some school /college friend who's ready to let you stay with him till you get financially independent. Until you don't have your own money, nothing can be practically possible at this moment
  3. Sorry could you clarify ?? Did you mean to say that she tried to hang you with her hands ?
  4. Nuggets If you follow delusion, you'd get deluded. What you consume is what consumes you.
  5. Maybe the question wasn't phrased properly. Let me rephrase it this way :: Please state all your personal reasons why you're seeking enlightenment in your life ? Preferably list them if you can
  6. @Danda The question was why do you seek it ?
  7. @NicAndStuff just hang around the forum for long. There are like minded people. Being here is also learning...if you can minus the addiction.
  8. Leo says in his latest video that even after enlightenment, you'd still have your addictions and annoyances and emotional issues. And you would still need to work on them post enlightenment. So essentially it means Enlightenment isn't solving your problems. The question arises, why would you need Enlightenment ? What purpose does it serve ? Give your own reasons why you think Enlightenment would help you and in what ways would it make a difference in your life ? Think.
  9. @NicAndStuff Then start with this forum. The language and rhetoric here is much simpler easier than Leo's videos.
  10. @NicAndStuff Watch Leo latest video "leo hits rock bottom," and one important line in the video is that you have to experience in order to understand. You wouldn't know even if someone told you. You gotta know it yourself. That level of transformation will change your perspective. Like a change of 180°
  11. @Haumea What example would you give to show his lack of self awareness.
  12. Because I'm wanna show I'm great........ really great great person I wanna be fucking Jesus Christ.
  13. Its such a gargantuan thing . One glimpse is not enough You gotta experience absolute infinity and the 225 micrograms of ALS which is an analog of LSD a milder form of LSD and this is a really magical substance I've passed broke through all the traditional boundaries that keep us in ordinary consciousness boundary of insanity the boundary of death the boundary of existence and non-existence all these boundaries )(quickly broke through within 10 minutes entered the Godhead Godhead is like the heart of God it's the heart of absolute infinity it feels like this infinite cosmic chain reaction which has been going on forever it's eternal and its scope is unimaginable in size it's beyond all measures of size it feels like you're entering into the middle of the Sun and going inwards and going deeper and deeper and it almost feels going inside this infinite headed Hydra where every human being, just like a ball of human beings and corpses and animals and all the sentient you're just kind of like going through it and through it they pile on human corpses and then they have a like one soldier buried underneath and he's trying to struggle his way out of all these no beginning or end there's no center because it's of infinite diameter if you imagine it like a big sphere it's the Sun of infinite diameter now a window opens up where it's time to heal myself and it spontaneously happened about a window of ten seconds opened up where you scan through the body up and healing took place my entire body sort of healed itself the first time experience such a thing for similar to advanced mystics commonly report healing the substance of everything which is the ultimate nature of reality is not physical, it's not made out of matter it's not energy even and it's not even consciousness or awareness this is not awareness really what it is it just is being and even to call it being isn't quite right because really it has no name that's the key inside that you realize that you can't name the substance of which reality is made it's just it irreducibly it and it's all one all of it is one this is the key understanding is that you cannot define the substance of reality in terms of anything because the thing you're defining it with is itself the substance so when you call it matter or energy or awareness or consciousness or you put any kind of label on it or you think of it in any terms of a kind of physical way or spiritual way material way all of that is not it and the closest thing to what the actual substance of it is is nothing so the substance of everything is nothing and all of it is non-dual.reality is a strange loop what is a strange loop this is a concept from Douglas Hofstadter basically what it means is that to say that reality itself is a strange loop is that it's a vicious circularity you see reality has nothing to define itself against it has no ultimate standard or arbiter to ground it in anything and so therefore even ideas like existence and non-existence are circular and they don't really exist it's impossible because the itself you're trying to use itself to understand itself and it just can't do that it can't grasp itself it's like Alan Watts talks about how a knife can cut everything but itself or or a hand can grasp everything but it can't grasp itself it can't turn in on itself because it is itself well this is happening at the highest level of what all of reality is and the problem is when we do science or when we do philosophy or when we do any kind of religious cosmological thinking about All what is the nature of God know that none of that can work because you're using it to try to grasp it which isn't it and so there's this vicious circularity which is inherent to all of reality and when you see this circularity all distinctions collapse and breakdown and at that point you go into a sort of free fall and you fall into this Godhead where there are no distinctions at all really it's all one substance even the distinction between existence and non-existence no longer applies because that's also seen to be groundless and viciously circular and that is the ultimate nature of reality what it is is it's like a cat unraveling a yarn that unravels the cat that's that's the essence of reality that's the essence of consciousness work is that you are this cat and as you are doing the work and you think that you're going to unravel the work really the work ends up unraveling you and you realize that all of it has just been this one yarn the whole time this is what non-duality really means and he got a really a clear and full hit of this non duality and as he opened his eyes sitting there on his couch he was his couch …he was completely aware that he was nothing and that all sentient beings all animals all humans and any other creatures or aliens that exist anywhere out there that they are all him and he was sitting there in his room and he was looking around and he saw and he clearly connected for the first time he clearly connected how what's happening right now in this finite room that he was seeing is actually none other than absolute infinity itself so this is the insight that the Buddhists and the Hindus talked about where they talked about how form is formlessness and formlessness is none other than form the two are one . when he opened his eyes that all of that was present right there and it was present here in the now as he was standing there that all of this is not happening to a human being it's sort of like what a human being is is a little bubble within this absolute infinite singularity in the same way that like if you imagine a bubble within the Sun like imagine an Air bubble or a little vacuum bubble within the sun which kind of bubbles up to the surface and and then goes poof that's really what it's like to be a human it's to be this little bubble and that's what you're experiencing right now as you're sort of in this bubble and then this bubble really is not happening to anybody it's happening within nothingness its nature is nothingness and then that's what you ultimately are and that thing there doesn't exist nor not exist it has no properties no features it's just nothingness and what he realized also is that since he is all sentient beings and all sentient beings are one they're identical that he is also literally Buddha and Christ simultaneously and all the other mystics that have ever existed and so he stood there in his room he remembers very vividly and he realized like yeah okay --- I am the Buddha this is what the Buddha this is exactly what the Buddha is was and currently is so it's not like the Buddha was some guy who lived 2,000 years ago or something like that it's like no the Buddha is exactly what's being conscious of what you're experiencing right now not in a metaphorical way literally because the Buddha was nothing Christ was nothing you're nothing every single living creature is nothing your dog is nothing your cat is nothing that is what's conscious of everything and that thing is one and that's what unites us all and really what it all is is it's just one being this infinite singularity it's not just one being it's like an infinite head Hydra and it can be anything that it wants to be and you're just one of the heads of this Hydra and this Hydra is fully alive and conscious and it wants to be and you're just one of the heads of this Hydra and this Hydra is fully alive and conscious and infinitely creative so life is not something that is happening within your body life is happening across the board everywhere every single square centimeter of the universe is alive but of course we don't really see it that way because we're very human oriented and we're also very mammalian oriented and were biology oriented and we don't See the life throughout the the fabric Of space itself but when you go into the Singularity you you see that since everything is united in one that it all of it is alive there aren't parts of it that are and parts of it that aren't that's distinctions that we make in a relative fashion for scientific purposes and for just for human being purposes he also became acutely aware that non-existenc is impossible and that there there's no thing there's nothing to fear about death because death is just death is here right now if you want to think of it that way you think that when you die you go somewhere you disappear to some void or some nothingness no that void is here right now that void is what's conscious of everything right now there is no other place to go you can't escape the all you can't escape infinity because infinity is everywhere there's no way you can escape it anywhere you are it already is anywhere you can be it's already been so existence is literally impossible and that's a pretty cool thing to realize about life change your attitude towards life and towards death and towards people and everything else also the insight that reality as a whole is is just this causal chain of creativity that the causal chain of creativity goes down infinitely forever to the bottom like some scientists will say oh well our brain is is doing all the work all the neurons they're making us creative know every single one of those neurons do you not understand it's infinite it's got an infinite causal chain that goes down forever you are never going to get to the bottom of what makes that that neuron act like that neuron you could break it down to subatomic particles strings and below that and other dimensions and you will see you will never get to the bottom of it it'll keep going and going and going and going and going forever there's an infinite causal chain to everything to every thought that you have to all creative insights to enlightenment itself to your being to your sitting here and breathing and being alive it's an infinite causal chain of creativity that's the essence of this thing it's gargantuan it's beyond anything that that can that could sit within the little confines of science for example and that's it you became aware of everything innocence everything has been understood and that was a very clear point where it felt like okay that's it this is it this is everything there is to understand about life and then this acute sense of life is complete this is what he had wanted to know since he was basically a kid since he started doing philosophy when he was a teenager in college and then for the last five years or so since hes been doing consciousness work in pursuing life this is what he wanted to know he wanted to know what is the substance of all of reality and here he finally got it not just as a little glimpse but as a full-blown understanding where everything was clear where there were really no more questions left and that's it so let him talk about the after-effects so a couple of days past and various after-effects were happening of course he came back to ordinary consciousness after some number of hours the next day he was back into ordinary consciousness but there were lingering after-effects most importantly was that he retained understanding of the truth and he retained it to this day because it's not a experiential thing which is happening right now it's not like experiencing it it's more of sort of like you understand why two plus two equals four you don't necessarily need to run through the proof every time you just once you get it you get it even though you might not be experience it right now , also now whenever he is kind of going through his day even though he is back to ordinary consciousness just when he is interacting with stuff when he is Looking at his hands when he is going to The bathroom when he is cooking when he is writing whatever he is seeing that everything that he is seeing around him is is not physical the substance here is not physical it's not colors it's not sounds it's non-dual it's a non dual substance and that's pretty cool my meditation has gone through the roof his ability just to sit and and then his mind starts to sort of focus on the non-duality of what's in front of him is it's quite remarkable although what's interesting is that he experiences some kind of ups and downs and there's sort of oscillation and even a little bit of depression after he came back because what he has discovered is that having these sorts of peak experiences or even any kind of breakthroughs in your personal development it works like an oscillation like a spring so the way that a spring works that it oscillates up that's when you have your peak or you have your insight or you have some breakthrough in whatever you're doing and doesn't necessarily have to be just enlightenment it could be in your business or in your art you have this breakthrough then as well as a spring would honestly then it has to come back down it doesn't come back down to baseline it comes back down lower right because it oscillates and then it sort of goes through this kind of sneaking motion until it evens out so it's just like a wave like this but then it it comes back to baseline although the new baseline is a little bit higher than the old baseline so what you're doing is you're having these the experiences and then you're gradually raising your baseline but you can never expect that your baseline is going to become your peak that's the mistake that people make and so it's all so natural with this model to understand that when you have your peak you're also going tohave a little bit of a crash could be a epic crash or it could be a little crash you know it just depends on your situation and then it sort of reverberates like that over a couple of days maybe even a couple of weeks and then it smoothens out so that's a good lesson to keep in mind because that's such your expectations for what these things are going to do to you so you're not blindsided caught off guard by them so in a sense his meditation has skyrocketed but also in a sense he still notices just these minor agitations and frustrations and annoyances like sometimes they don't even just want to be sitting like one of the things he'll be talking about here in a second is he became extremely creative after this and So he has so much creativity that his mind is racing with with insights that he needs to write down and so it's hard for him to just sit and just to observe reality and to meditate because he is being so creative and so that creates some kind of annoyance and also just the idea that he has to sit there also there's this kind of like underlying layer of annoyance about it he doesn’t know more so than it was in the past he’s sure that's a phase that he can just kind of push through but uh it has been bothering him a little bit so by no means am is he in some sort of ecstasy or bliss as he is walking around that has not happened he does have a sense of peace and especially he notices a sense of peace resulting from not seeking answers anymore he don't feel like there's any answer that he particularly needs to get through any kind of inquiry and so in fact usually when he does inquiry usually when he sits to meditate he actually does a form of inquiry but now he doesn’t have anything to inquire about so for him now it's more about just meditation which is just being with the present moment it becomes very simple there's like no asking himself questions of “who am I,” “ what am I” “ what is the world” “what is reality, what are sentient beings” it's like no just sit there and notice that everything is already infinite it's more like that so that's guess sort of the way that inquiry might progress if you're doing it right and you're having the actual answers he still notices very acutely my addictions and bad habits because they have not gone away don't expect your bad habits and addictions to be cured by these sort of existential insights he means it could happen but not necessarily and most likely you'll need to work on those separately so he still has plenty of work to do as far as that goes creativity for him has gone through the roof because one of the things that sort of happened to him in this journey of going into this Godhead is that he realized the creativity of everything and he realized just how powerful the force creativity is and he sort of opened a channel it felt it felt like to divine creativity and that now is sort of flowing through him it was before but now he is more aware of it and he is more aware of just how how massive a force this is and so over the last week he had been very creative working on his book got a lot of stuff done had a lot of amazing insights that he'll be sharing with you in the future that he has been taking notes on and conceptualizing and making sense of so the creativity has been quite remarkable and his passion has also been as high as ever in fact after all this happened after these insights he felt like even though his life was complete now and there was nothing particular that he needed to do he was just passionate about sharing these insights with the world and he was just passionate about the creative process , getting more in touch with his his creative process in in ways that he sort of got out of touch with in the past and that has been a great experience although it is challenging to balance creativity with no mind or meditation for him that's been a big challenge for a while now and it still is even now because as he finds his creativity Rises since his work is very conceptual and theoretical he is thinking a lot about that a lot and a lot of interconnections are being made a lot of stuff has to be written down and organized so he is organizing ideas and concepts in his mind but as he is doing that he is sort of in monkey mind mode in a sense and he is not in that kind of still peace meditative zone and then when he is being very creative all day and then he goes to sit down and meditate for an hour that's challenging because that kind of transition is difficult to make us once his mind gets creative is just off on its own being creative and it's hard to put a stop to it and just be silent so he is still struggling with how to reconcile those two.. one of the things that he noticed with zen people and Yogi's and such is that it's a lot easier just to focus on meditation alone like if you're living in a monastery or in a cave and you have no creative pursuits whatsoever you don't do any any kind of art or any kind of business you're not working with concepts you're trying to organize your knowledge to share with other people that's a lot easier because you can just sit there with a blank line all fucking day and if you're an artistic type of person then then good luck with that is all he is saying now he is not saying that the Zen masters and such and Yogi's can't be creative they can be creative but his guess is that they compartmentalize those things well this is hard to do them both simultaneously to get into others way and then the last after effect that he really noticed is that he has realized that he has entered into spiral dynamics stage turquoise it just occurred to him just dawned on you think oh yeah okay this is turquoise he is in turquoise now and what turquoise is it's the recognition of non-duality the interconnectedness of all of life and yeah it's just it's like it's beyond systems thinking so systems thinking is still happening stage yellow is that a-- is at this level of where you're thinking about the world in a sort of analytical fashion or as stage turquoise is it's more at the level of being your being it you're feeling it you're more connected to it on an energetic level it's beyond just breaking things down into analytical systems the way that a academic or a scientist might do and it's it's seeing them the irreducibly mystical nature of all of reality so that's stage turquoise and he thinks stage turquoise is also tapping into the creativity that creative power of reality you know in a more direct sense in a much more conscious sense knowing where that power comes from opening those sort of channels and so yeah he was quite thrilled to enter that stage he hadn't really thought about stages in the past usually he would think of himself as a stage yellow kind of guy because he is always thinking about systems and analyzing stuff for multiple perspectives but here it's kind of like feels like going to the next level now that doesn't mean that he is in stage turquoise fully he still has remnants he thinks of the old stages within him that he needs to work through there's still some orange in there there's still some green stuff to work through he is still very much passionate about stage yellow but then say turquoise is really where it's at that's where you ultimately want to get to and the only way you're going to get there is through direct mystical experiences and having insights about the absolute nature of existence that's how you do it that's why stage turquoise people are so rare is because he thinks as far as you can go just using your logical conceptual mind is stage yellow and then to go beyond yellow you need to have these experiences for yourself so the question arises “am i enlightened,” and the answer is no he doesn’t want to say that he is enlightened he doesn’t feel like he qualifies for for that classification because he thinks that what's missing is that even though he has the insight and the knowledge and the understanding he thinks that there's a further step that needs to happen which is that he is missing the abiding non-dual awareness that he knows is possible so he thinks that the the ultimate step would be to to be able to actually stand here before you and - guess it's almost like to be permanently high to be permanently tripping so that you're actually seeing the non duality you're not just knowing it but you're actually it's like right here it's very powerful you're almost in a sort of ecstatic state he is definitely not there he thinks that for that to happen he would need to do a lot more meditating and just being present with the moment not that he particularly any kind of insights but just to be present he already feels like he is not like the human body he is a little bit detached from it but he thinks like not totally so more work needs to be done there which leads us to the question of what's next well he thinks what's next for him is exploring stage turquoise more exploring creativity figuring out how to reconcile creativity and meditation he thinks what's next is a lot more meditating mm just sitting and doing nothing and just being with the present moment he really needs thousands of hours of that is what he feels like but that's challenging because he is working he got business responsibilities he is writing a book he has a product that he wants to release so there's like a lot of stuff that he wants to accomplish so it's all about choosing priorities and and it's hard for him to justify sitting for ten hours a day just in pure meditation although he is sure that would get very pleasant very quickly if he did that what's also next for him is organizing a lot of insights and knowledge that he has a backlog of for the world and then sharing that that's also what stage turquoise is all about is it's really about connecting with your life purpose and and making your life purpose sort of divine your divinizing your life purpose whereas before it was sort of just like “okay yeah I'm helping the world,” maybe or “ I'm doing some good for my career,” and here it's like no it's like he is a force of God doing God's work with his life purpose it's sort of like that and by the way if you're wondering like oh how does he reconcile a life purpose with enlightenment work there's nothing to reconcile the two are two sides of the same coin your life purpose and your enlightenment will fit together perfectly if you get them right and the one will fuel the other and it doesn't matter if your life purpose is teaching people or making art or making music or running a business or whatever it is it doesn't have to be teaching people your enlightenment will still dovetail with your life purpose what else is next for him is more research and more learning he still feels like there's a lot of stuff that he wants to learn and to research for the purposes of teaching it and also these are more minor relative insights so these are not absolute things that he is researching these are just relative insights there's a lot of stuff within the mystical and spiritual domain and within science and philosophy and history in other places that when a research and kind of cobble together as he is doing his work for the purpose of his life purpose but also just because he is naturally curious about them what's more is more tripping is more tripping he found that al lad is the most effective tool for contemplation even more so than five Meo DMT because five meö is just it's extremely powerful it's all it's overkill really and it's it's too short to contemplate anything serious you're just getting a little taste of the honey you're not able to eat the whole jar he means unless you do it constantly, for him but the AL ad is more gentle and he loves it because he gets to sit there for four hours and just contemplate the hell out of everything that he wants to and it's very very very productive for him so that's his go-to tool these days not to say that he’ll never do five Meo you know but he likes the sort of gentleness of al-lad and he can still go just as deep what else is next for him is more personal development there's still a ton of stuff that he wants to work on in himself that is sub-optimal like he said bad habits addictions annoyances emotional disturbances of all that stuff is still there and you better believe that it will be there for you even after enlightenment all that shit will still be there you're going to have to work on it so don't be thinking that enlightenment somehow makes personal development obsolete or that you if you're pursuing enlightenment then you shouldn't be doing personal development no.. you need to be doing both because they're both going to be necessary you can't avoid doing just regular old fashioned personal development so what are the lessons quickly for you firstly it's that the most important question you really want to be asking if you're an existential thinker like he is.. is what is the substance of reality that's even more important than who are you what are you what is the substance of everything this stuff here what's it all made out of you should be wondering about that every spare minute of your day another lesson for you is that conceptual understanding is very helpful when you're trippin so sometimes we talk about concepts in this work as a bad thing like all concepts concepts are terrible they keep us from the truth yes and also no because people who don't have the right conceptual foundations are not able to make sense of it of the truth and they're not able to make sense of their trips and so for him the more he understands conceptually the better he organizes his own knowledge through note-taking and thinking about it in a sort of ordinary fashion then when he does experience these deep things then he can make sense of them and then also he can talk about them so he thinks one of the most important things you can do if you're having enlightenment experiences mystical experiences in your meditation practice whatever is right about it journal about it talk about to somebody because as you're trying to articulate it to yourself or to somebody else you're also clarifying it in your own mind what it is and that helps it to stick and then that helps to lay the foundation for the next experience you're going to have and the next one in the next one so you're sort of gradually layering this stuff like almost like layers of cement right you need to gradually layer the cement it has hardened then you put another layer on another layer and that way you can develop yourself very high another lesson for you is think through what the grounding for anything is this is related to this issue of the substance of reality so how any substance ground any substance because what you need to ultimately realize that it's all circulars the vicious circle is a strange loop it's a cat unraveling a yarn that unravels the cat there is no substance there can be no grounding that is the essence of reality is that is a thing which can have no ground because it is itself and there's nothing outside of itself to ground it that's the key insight but you've got to grasp it very deeply with your whole being not just with your intellect so spend some time thinking through that on paper like ask yourself the question what grounds the difference between existence and non-existence because if you're like an ordinary person you think that there's existence and there's non-existence but why do you think that does the difference between existence and non-existence actually exists or does it not exist or neither think through that just using your ordinary logic to see that your logic starts to break down and then that will set you up for having the right kind of insight future another lesson for you is make sure that you hone your desire to know the truth this is one of your key weapons in this work is to have a genuine a very genuine authentic desire for the ultimate truth you have to want to know not to improve your life but for it sounds like you want to know because you want to know because you want to know because consciousness wants to know itself and your consciousness and you just want to know don't underestimate how powerful just that desire is purify it let it guide your life let it set your priorities let it tell you what to do let it tell you when to trip let it tell you when to meditate to contemplate that can do a lot for you cut through a lot of bullshit another lesson for you is that creativity and enlightenment fit together perfectly now he just said that meditation creativity can be at odds with each other that's true but creativity and enlightenment can fit together perfectly in the sense that once you have these deep mystical experiences then it really frees you up to be creative in a non detached way and it opens up these channels for you so if you're an artistic type of person if you enjoy being creative if you want to have a big impact on people with your creativity and you want your creativity to be more effortless and not so neurotic and strained and filled with ego and all that then enlightenment is like the perfect thing for you watch what happens with your creativity when you start having these experiences it's going to be amazing it's going to be levels of creativity it's going to be so much creativity you're going to be at a loss of words and you're not going to know how to get it all down on paper so much creativity infinite divine creativity it's remarkable you're going to feel like a vehicle of God doing God's work with your art or with whatever and the final lesson for you is that if you still have any doubts there's nothing more worthwhile than this work there's nothing more worthwhile than the truth it is by far hands down the most powerful and the most significant thing that can happen to your life it'll transform your entire life and it will take you to levels of development that you never imagined possible that you don't see other people around you generally having in society it'll put you sort of into a category of your own and while that might feel a little lonely sometimes or whatever in the end it's totally worth it so if you're sitting there and you're struggling to self inquire to contemplate and you don't know why you're not getting the results well just keep in mind that you're after a very big thing here this is a very big thing very big prize so you're not going to get it cheaply or easily might take you some years of struggle to get there in the meantime just keep telling yourself that it's going to be worth it have that sort of faith and doesn't have to be blind faith but it just has to be a lil you guy mean you can use a little logic here as well he means he is not just standing there bullshitting you this stuff is life transforming and he wishes that he could communicate the full emotional power of this stuff better but it's just not possible because this is something you have to experience for yourself that's it.