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About spinderella

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  1. Hi all! I've been on a spiritual path for some years, and often feel blocked. I have a very strong will, and am very often trying quite hard to get what I want. Even through spiritual means, I still want to get what I want. My therapist (who trains with Rupert Spira, and whom I believe has had his own spiritual awakening) has suggested to me that maybe I don't know what I want. I have LOTS of ideas about what I think I want. And, I am most certainly not happy when I don't get what I want. Having tried 85000 means to get what I want and not finding happiness, I want to be ready to stop trying to hard to make the world comply to my desires. And....I guess I don't know HOW to do that. So what, do I just live? What about all my fears? What about all my worries? What about my impulses to take frantic action toward what I want to achieve? I guess my question is...how do you actually live from a surrendered place? I like how Michael Singer talks about staying open, just saying "yes" to life, basically. Curious what this group would say.
  2. Hi all, I have seen both of these topics discussed here on the site, and I've been helped by both modalities. I am a therapist and coach myself, and am trying to find a way to reconcile some of the differences between the two so that I can use both of them in my work. In a nutshell, IFS says that there are "parts" of us that hold emotions, beliefs, and that direct our behaviour etc. To heal trauma, we have to integrate these parts by essentially making peace with the family system inside of us. Byron Katie's "The Work" teaches us that none of our thoughts are objectively true, and that we can question our beliefs and end our suffering Is anyone else familiar with both of these pieces of work? How are both of them true? I'm happy to elaborate more on either, but I'm hoping that maybe somebody sees where my dissonance is coming from and can help me reconcile it?
  3. But but but....if infinity is everything, how did IT want to know ITSELF? Doesn't that very idea indicate a seed of separation? As though IT was somehow separate from ITSELF?
  4. I'll definitely trip again, but I'm not in a rush Thank you for all your content Leo. I've found absolutely nowhere else to talk about this stuff (consciousness, not even just 5-MeO) at this level.
  5. But like, what does that mean that God is a dreamer?
  6. Okay....so, why am I dreaming this dream? I can see in this moment that it's a dream - I'm still that infinite consciousness that I was during that trip - I'm still that infinite consciousness RIGHT NOW. So....why am I having this dream?
  7. This is really a beautiful analogy, thank you for this. And it makes sense, that we are experiencing these shifts in a linear manner. But how is this happening? Is it because we have time? And then, where does time come from?
  8. But like, how does the dream occur? I was infinity in one moment and the next I was dreaming that I was a human on this earth. HOW? hahaha but seriously I want to know how!
  9. Sure, maybe, dunno. I'm really just talking about 5-MeO because it's what I just experienced. I've done other psychs but haven't had an ego death before.
  10. This makes sense - but where did the form come from?
  11. Haha yes, I didn't fully have a God realization. Just the direct experience of infinity realization. So...I'm still curious though, when I felt that woosh of my soul or spirit or consciousness coming back into this physical realm...where was it before? Like what was the process by which I went from being absolute infinity, to having an awareness of this physical plane? Like I kind of understand that I currently still AM that infiniteness that I experienced - but why does it appear that I'm a human? I think it has something to do with time, like in infinity it was everything, and now there's time....but....this is so confusing lol. Maybe what I'm asking is how does one go from the nondual experience of infinity into the world of duality? Or, I guess the dual world is imagined. How is it imagined?? What is imagining?
  12. Fascinating perspective, thank you for sharing it! Curious, when someone has an OBE, can they SEE their body? I'm a bit confused at what happened near the end of my trip, once my ego was back online, I still had no body. But I like, tried to sit up and I could see the facilitators and stuff, but when I looked down I had no body. I was totally freaked out by this lol. What was that?
  13. Incredible experience - I won't get into all of the details because it seems we have trip reports for that. I don't remember much of it, but I do recall an experience of I can only describe as becoming infinity. A undulating, ever expanding, constantly growing upon itself, every frequency of sound that ever existed, splitting into a million tiny fragments, that are all spinning, vibrating, into each other and out of each other and everything all at once. Like an infinite orgasm of every particle of particle of particle of particle. The memory I have is brief, but holy shit. So like....is THAT what I am? That's what consciousness is? My mind really wants to make sense of this lol. Is that where we go when we die? Is that our body and our spirit? So like, I felt myself be reborn. I felt the woosh of spirit coming into my physical body and I felt time come into existence and I felt my mind come back online. That said, I can see that consciousness is what my spirit is made of. But is that what everything is made of? Like does consciousness go into inanimate objects, too? I guess it would have to in order to be in this three dimensional time-space reality? Also - just, holy fuck. I have no further words lol. Editing to add some harm reduction comments: I did this with an extremely experienced guide, there was one facilitator and four volunteers and just me. It was absolutely incredible.
  14. Hi all - Does anybody know of a spiritual / consciousness based retreat that you'd recommend? I have time off in June (a month, basically), and am willing to travel anywhere in the world. I know that this is a vague question, I'm not looking for an ayahuasca retreat or something like that, but perhaps something similar to the teachings of Adyashanti or Rupert Spira...
  15. Thank you for this, much appreciated.