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About Elisabeth

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    Lesser Chimp

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  1. Values are shaped by personality and life experiences, I guess that can't be helped. It seems what you are talking about is (at least in part) what Leo calls negative motivation - "I value simplicity, because I don't want to be overloaded". I think you can take them on as values, knowing that they may eventually drop out of the top ten as you develop further.
  2. Yeah, I've noticed that too. I even think there are inherent biases to the course, as in the first section you've got statements like "Make passion your first priority!" (and afterwards we're asked about values), or musings about how creativity is important... so that you're much more likely to want to be an artist than an acountant. Yeah. Influences. Biases. Can't be helped. It's also not just "not everyone can be a pd teacher", but "not everyone can realize their life purpose at work", because you know, these mundane jobs have to be done too. It's basically "not everyone can be above average -- by definition". But don't worry. Not everyone finds personal development important. Not sure where that leaves us I guess ... just have the courage to be authentic even if it's contradicting what Leo sais
  3. It's pretty clear that engineering is not what you want to be doing. So don't. I know first hand how guilt contributes to depression and anxiety. I didn't manage to finish my master theses in time and my parents started pressuring me that I'm lazy and that I have to find a job asap. Guess what ... instead of continuing in the slow but steady pace I had before, I did ZERO for two months, because they got me stressed out. It's real. Throw out the guilt for not doing the job your parents chose for you. It's your life and it's important that you choose. You're not in a state to do it anyway. Normally I'd tell you to find a job, but I doubt that's realistic now. You need recovery. Throw out the guilt for doing nothing right now. Depression sucks! It robs all life force. Give yourself some time. Are you living with your parents? It's unfortunate, but you might have to tell your parents how badly you're feeling. As part of my journey out of depression and confusion I did an intensive group program where you go every day and have group therapy, relaxation, do art- and other kinds of therapy. The program is similar to mental health hospitals, but they don't lock you up there, it's strictly voluntary. It's meant to get people more in touch with themselves, teach coping skills for relationships and initiate change. I get the feeling that maybe this could be a good environment for you right now, a part of conventional health-care that's actually useful. (Or, at least, it might be acceptable for both you and the people around who are supporting you and must be worried.) Unfortunately, my German language skills are lacking, so I can't give you specific tips.
  4. @Ilya You're 19, are you just starting out on the studies?
  5. Well, studying a subject you like is supposed to help you do a job that's less exchanging time for money but has also meaning to you. Doesn't sound like physics cuts it for you though. (Didn't cut it for me exactly either, I'm finished already but I feel there should be more bandwidth to my pursuits, kind of like you describe; but I must say that doing research on nanoelectronics is much much better than serving at mcdonalds, beware. ) Maybe you should first have a more tangible plan before you leave/change majors/find a job. What is it that you're gonna try? You could indeed find yourself at your parents' couch watching videos and sinking into laziness and depression if you don't. But you know, some people need to get totally lost before they find a direction, so don't take my opinion as an absolute.
  6. What kind of a deal is that with the army? Did you want to go to the army? In case you do finish physics, do they have you do military research? Sounds scary I don't know about your values, but I would be conflicted on that point.
  7. Thank you. I believe you're right. It's actually a point where I got stuck at the Life purpose course - having no idea what impact I want to have. I usually do NOT have the urge to actually go out and change things. My post was inspired by the #metoo campaign and our country's elections, which both, to my surprise, caught my interest and got me involved. I see this as a step forward for myself (being actually interested in what is happening around me instead of depressed and passive as I used to be in the past, or just introspective with no action taking as I tend to be today). It also had me thinking in this kind of general overview-like manner because I certainly don't want to go out there and cause more harm than good, hence I asked. (Edit: Maybe I'm actually more interested in intellectually understanding how it works, than actually doing it.) But I have yet to decide if there's a cause I want to take on.
  8. Absolutely. Look, I've actually tried doing sexual stuff with guys whom I knew. I didn't have to go all the way to PIV to find the whole thing confusing and unfulfilling. (Unless when both of us could give it an extra spiritual dimension.) Besides, I'm dating a polyamorous man. I'm being judged anyway. If you'd ask about fear of diseases and pregnancy, that would be a more complicated question, if you'd ask about vulnerability, that's on spot here as I stated above. Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this excursion into female (or at least my) psychology. What are your experiences with casual sex? Did you meet a lot of women who were up for fun?
  9. I'd even say my attitude is rather typical, or at least certainly not uncommon (my wild guess would be that ~60% girls and ~30% guys don't wanna do casual, but it really is a wild guess). That's why monogamy is still an acceptable model for a lot of couples. If I feel I have a limited dating pool? Actually, no, I don't feel like that, although I guess it's factually true because I also have high standards concerning intelligence and other traits. Wanting to wait with sex a bit into a relationship hasn't limited me in any way so far. Only rarely feeling sexually attracted ... yeah, perhaps, now that I'm thinking of it, that's a bit limiting. But see, even if I'm only interested in 2% of guys ... I only need to build a good relationship with one (or two or three ;)) of them who's also interested.
  10. Sex is something deeply intimate for me. Bonding feelings of love and closeness ensue. It's extremely easy to cause hurt to these feelings unintentionally. I need some emotional security to have sex - casual for fun is not going to fly for me. Also, there are very little man I feel sexually attracted to, and these attractions usually take some time (at least a few hours of observing him or interaction) to develop. All of that means pretty much that if a stranger approaches me about sex he's bound to hear a no. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having sex just for fun (there's certainly no SHOULD either) and some women will do it, but for me, sex is about surrender, and surrender is about trust, so I need a solid relationship or a special setting for the fun to be safe. I can enjoy bdsm or tantra on a seminar even with people I don't know well if I know that my boundaries will be respected, but I won't do PIV unless I have a relationship where, basically, I trust the guy to take responsibility in case of an unexpected pregnancy. This may sound harsh, but that's what I figure from observing my feelings, not something I impose upon myself or that I do to deny guys sex, LOL So to why I don't like men asking, I guess the honest answer is because it get's me into an awkward situation and showing my feelings on the topic is usually more vulnerability then I want to be with that person. Also, if these requests are done out of a deep frustration or perceived scarcity I have to deal with the disappointment of that person following my refusal. I can feel all those negative emotions of the one asking. Also, I want to be valued for more than being pretty (or worse having a pussy), so it feels devaluating if a man only wants sex with me and not a relationship. (That one is quite irrational and possibly conditioning, I know.) Also, it feels threatening - I haven't yet quite figured out why, but part of it is that it's usually not a direct honest question but a man making advances and trying to get into my zone of intimacy whom I have to reject somehow. And some don't take no for a no. So even if the question is polite, I'd either immediatelly have a second thought of "what's gonna be next?" or, if it's a stranger, a perplexed "why would I?" since I usually don't feel attracted to unknown men. But maybe I'll change my mind on not feeling attraction if I ever get single and horny
  11. @MM1988 I was reading The Antidote by Oliver Burkeman and came upon something which reminded me of this thread, so I'm sharing in case it's useful to you or someone reading along. As a girl I don't like pickup (I don't like the idea of guys approaching me for sex only), but if this is how talking to a lot of girls works - making you not afraid of rejection - I guess that's useful.
  12. @rush There's a little bit more leeway in that people like academics or programmers don't necessarily have fixed 9-5 working hours, can work from home even as employees etc. But it's still restrictive in terms of vacation time etc. There's people like massage therapist who can book time at some centre which will get clients for them - they also have a little bit of freedom to set their hours (and get paid less in exchange for not having to deal with the marketing and administrative tasks as much). But I resonate with your dilemma, just telling you there's a grey area between entrepreneur and 9-5 employee, which frankly I see growing bigger and bigger.
  13. You're an idiot. When someone is in deep sorrow, you should be present with them and showing compassion, not linking websides. That's what good human connection is about. I don't care if these websites talk about deep existential Truths, it's still just concepts - wrong time wrong place. P.S.: I know you're doing your best to be supportive while also in pain. Please be gentle with yourself and the people around.
  14. I totally understand your question. It's not like "should I pusue one or the other", but more like "how can I do both in a sustainable way", right? 'cause most of us, can't afford/ don't want to skip days or months at work because we've fallen into a depression or psychosis-like state and aren't able to concentrate on the day to day practicalities. I'm looking for answers about that too. So my take on it is that if you can manage your circumstances so that you're materially secure enough, that you can work for yourself and take a leave if needed, like Leo or like people who choose a real minimalistic lifestyle where they don't need much, that's best. It might be necessary to position ourselves so that we can take a year off, or two 12 weeks of vacation a year, or something like that, but while we're not there, we can still do some of the work. My other thought is that maybe we can become so grounded with our purpose and work ethics, that destabilization is not an issue - your passion and habit keep you engaged in the world and productive to some extent. Of course, if we hate our work/ are not on purpose, the willpower to do it vanishes real quick when we explore the more spiritual realm. So being really good with the practicalities might help. Related, with a lot of work we can choose our pace. If something's destabilizing for you today, chances are, it will be better after another year or two of personal development. So maybe you shouldn't go there yet. But yeah, I realize that controlling the process is unlikely to get me to the highest levels
  15. I admitt that I have only been kinda-close to suicidal a few times in my life and it was never an unshakeable stream of thoughts, rather a feeling of "oh my god I can't deal with this anymore I want to die". What I have observed though with great surprise is that this feeling and thought actually doesn't respond to any unmanageable outside reality (as it pretends), but to a very here and now sense of exhaustion. So my - admittedly overly simplistic, but has worked for me - recipe for being suicidal is "take a nap" Sorry if this doesn't help.