ElvisN

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Posts posted by ElvisN

  1. Posted

    Hey guys. Just wanted to post something on my spiritual path and what progress I've made the last several months.

    I started doing regular high dose LSD trips since June last year. I usually trip once a week at 700 - 1000ug.

    I've tripped at least two dozen times now, but still haven't awoken.

    In fact, my last trip on Saturday, I felt like I didn't trip at all. I'm sure the trip happened, but it's like nothing happened to me. I just remember feeling like vomiting a few times and that's it.

    I expect that I'll just have to continue taking LSD and will awaken eventually.

    Any thoughts? Maybe I'm doing something wrong?

     

    The only exception to this whole thing is that among the first times I took LSD (at the time I'd forgotten about enlightenment and it'd been more than 2 1/5 years since I followed Leo's content), during my first high dose trip (700ug) I asked myself 'What is enlightenment?' and had a spiritual awakening, although I didn't understand what had happened, until I got in this forum and watched Leo's content. Since then I've been trying to awaken again on LSD but hasn't happened yet.

  4. Posted

    @pangolin I don't think you have borderline personality disorder. It's a pretty extreme disorder. But then again I don't know you so I'm not 100% positive.

    It's possible you're a highly sensitive person (HSP) with a lot of emotional baggage, which makes you yo-yo through emotional highs and lows.

    You may have low or very low self esteem, coupled with high sensitivity, which causes you to spiral into a strong negative or positive mood based on your partner's mood.

     

    So.. maybe it's not a disorder? But is bad enough to feel like one? Just speculating.

     

    Regardless, you can overcome it. And reach a place of emotional equanimity. With time. With practice. (And perhaps with psychedelics and MDMA, if you know what you're doing).

     

    I know you'll get there :)

     

     

  6. Posted

    @beatlemantis Stand your ground.

    You don't want to hear this, but the anxiety and rumination they bring in you is your own.

    ----

    The only way is through. - Through the anxiety, self hatred, sadness, depression. When you go through them, rather than avoiding them, you will be able to stand your ground in their presence. They will no longer draw out your depression because you won't have any.

    ----

    It takes time and practice. Be patient. Be diligent.

  7. Posted

    On 1/3/2020 at 1:46 AM, Bill W said:

    Your post screams out that you need therapy. That's not an insult. It's closer to validation than an insult. You have some beliefs that are seriously limiting and unlikely to go away of their own accord. I've needed therapy on and off for years. 

    Quick bit of preachy advice! Stay away from alcohol, cannabis, or any drug that's not sanctioned by a medic including psychedelics. Hopefully that is already the case for you.

    I ain't telling you what to do, but I encourage you to seek therapy. You can seek psychotherapy.

    If you can, try to get massage therapy. Massage, acupressure, acupuncture. These might be easier for you to do. They'll open the floodgates though. Which is a good thing. You need to process all the pain inside.

    I notice that after some of the worst periods of my life came some of the best. We can't get to clarity without going through periods of dark confusion.

    Hang in there bud.

  11. Posted

    On 11/25/2019 at 6:15 PM, Kazman said:

    Other huge insights were that I am total. I have been really needy lately, craved sex and snacks, I've been wanting others to fulfill me, but now I know what God's nature is, and I know that that is my true nature. I am total and there is nothing to seek outside of myself. 
    I also realize how much of what I do is about getting approval from people I look up to, constantly trying to prove myself. This is because of my bad self esteem and really disempowers me and makes me much less efficient. I pray that the positive effects in this domain are long lasting, this is a big one for me.

    @Kazman Now that 2 months have passed.. did that effect of feeling total and not seeking approval from anyone persist till today?

     

    And was it worth it?

  19. Posted

    On 6/15/2019 at 1:44 PM, Preetom said:

    Part 3: Where psychedelics may fall short.

    So we can see that  Enlightenment can ONLY happen by attending to the non dual transmission from the Self, the real Satsang. Simply said, Being. It can NEVER happen by any activity of the ego-mind, that means thinking, concentrating on objects, insights, models, experiences, efforts done by the mind etc.

    So it turns out that if one wants to get Enlightened, it is all about being, being, being; until one literally 'forgets' how to know something as an object in a dualistic view. Its NOT about insights, understanding, trying to embody, learn, do something, getting flashy experiences, trying to be spiritual.

    Basically, Enlightenment can happen without the ego ever knowing or figuring out anything at all! Enlightenment can happen without ever bothering about god, universe, other people, karma, cosmology etc. It only happens through that silent transmission. 

    Now my hunch is these are the 2 main setbacks of psychedelics.

    1) Psychedelics are not sustainable over a long time. Yes it bypasses the delusions of ego and goes to the nondual transmission very quickly(given its a potent one like 5 meo). But alas the satsang is too short and repeated dosage hour after hour would fry one's system.

    2) An even greater danger. After the psychedelic peak experience, the ego is back again. Fresh and rejuvenated, ready to get back on its JOB which is attending to objects with its voracious appetite! It cant help but going back and mistranslating that silent transmission in the name of insights, understanding, improvement, levels, figuring out reality, breakthroughs, living on the memory of becoming god, embodiment and whatnot; thinking that it will get enlightened by its own accumulated activities. Distortion upon distortion. Stuck in a twisted web of knowledge. Condemned to remain as this votalie complex between the real and the unreal.

     

    Note: The purpose of this post is not to fight with other paths and people. Just giving a general practical map of this highly confusing topic. If it sounds logically fair, take whatever helps. If not, may god help you ;)

    If there is any question from anyone, I'll try to answer it.

    @Preetom Do you seriously think that @Leo Gura would have been able to reach his level of awareness without 5 MeO? 

     

    What makes you think that?

  23. Posted

    On 6/9/2019 at 10:27 AM, iTommy said:

    @ElvisN

    The first time I bought "5-MeO" and tried it (snorted), the reaction of mine was similar. I didn't test the substance for 5-MeO at that time, so if it truly was it, that I can't confirm. Although it seems that from some reports as already mentioned, people have similar experiences like you had. Martin Ball even had trouble with this substance at first, he thought it didn't do it for him. After he tried another method of administration/technique or something in that realm, first then it had an impact on him that he couldn't even imagine. 

    Maybe you have a certain kind of immunity to it (if it was 5-MeO), and maybe, this substance still could work wonders for you if it's done in the proper way for you as an individual.

    @iTommy Could you refer where you got that info on Martin Ball?