Are men capable of actually loving a woman?

[DreamScape]

2 hours ago, Aaly said:

Studying rocket science sounds better lol.

Do that

[Raze]

7 hours ago, Aaly said:

Umm...That's kinda creepy right and I don't think most older guys are going to be "developed and conscious" either it's probably going to be the same.

So you want looks and good looks, men are the same, that doesn’t make you any more or less capable of love than men.

[Roy]

An older (married) male family member said to me when I was young, "You can either love women or you can understand them, but you can't do both."

Now that I'm old enough and had enough experiences I finally understand what he meant.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Roy

[nhoktinvt]

women do women things it's not complicated

[integral]

18 minutes ago, nhoktinvt said:

women do women things it's not complicated

That just might be the first time a man has said that. ?

[Aaly]

4 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Depends on the role they're playing in your life. In this case - dating, be aware of how you feel around them, how they treat others and how they talk about others and especially other women. If they blame their exes a lot and if they show you respect. Also, how they treat themselves. All these pointers will vary on a scale, so don't try to be overly picky and judgemental about it. Do more observing and have fun in the process. Lighten up and go with the flow. People will reveal themselves to you, eventually. You're very young, so just enjoy dating around for the experience without getting too attached. Later on, you'll become more adept to making better choices as to who is more suitable for your personality type.

These are really good points, Thanks.

[Aaly]

16 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

If you just look around, there are many men who are married, loyal, and happy. So obviously that's possible.

 

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

 Relationships will come and go. Occasionally you might find a really deep one.

- - - - -

Plenty of people on this planet are happily married. 

I do understand that there are many happily married people but most of these relationships aren't really like "head over heels, infatuation" kinda love, these relationships are mostly just boring from my observation...... i could be wrong.

Edited August 8, 2023 by Aaly

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, Aaly said:

@Leo Gura the thing is I am an introvert and I've never went on a date or been in a relationship and I'm only 18 and i don't really think most guys around me are like relationship material. Studying rocket science sounds better lol.

1) Given that you're so young you can focus on other parts of your life for now. Having relationships at 18 is largely a waste of time. None of them will last anyway. And that's normal and okay.

2) On the other hand, it's good to get relationship experience early on otherwise it will take you longer to learn how relationships work. For someone your age, worrying about guys leaving you due to looks or youth should not be an issue at all. You are thinking too far ahead and not letting yourself just enjoy the whole process of dating and relating. You don't need something final right now, you just need to experiment and gain experience.

3) The more energy you invest into dating the more likely you are to get a good result. Just expecting the right guy to magically fall in your lap is not a good approach. Just like anything else in life, if you want a great result you gotta put work into it. You can go on dates and screen guys for maturity.

[Aaly]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

1) Given that you're so young you can focus on other parts of your life for now. Having relationships at 18 is largely a waste of time. None of them will last anyway. And that's normal and okay.

2) On the other hand, it's good to get relationship experience early on otherwise it will take you longer to learn how relationships work. For someone your age, worrying about guys leaving you due to looks or youth should not be an issue at all. You are thinking too far ahead and not letting yourself just enjoy the whole process of dating and relating. You don't need something final right now, you just need to experiment and gain experience.

3) The more energy you invest into dating the more likely you are to get a good result. Just expecting the right guy to magically fall in your lap is not a good approach. Just like anything else in life, if you want a great result you gotta put work into it. You can go on dates and screen guys for maturity.

But I will obviously get older and i just need to know how men think and since men care so much about the physical appearance of a woman, can they ever see past that and still be "head over heels" in love with a woman? Do men feel the same love for the woman the way a woman feels about the man? Or does love (in relationship context ) work differently for men?

I know maybe I'm too young to be thinking about all this.

[Leo Gura]

21 minutes ago, Aaly said:

But I will obviously get older and i just need to know how men think

You are getting ahead of your skiis. You can sabotage yourself by worrying about things too far in advance. You got plenty of time to experience how men think. There is plenty of variability in how men think, so you can't generalize too much. What matters most in how your man thinks, not how all men think.

Quote

and since men care so much about the physical appearance of a woman, can they ever see past that and still be "head over heels" in love with a woman?

It depends. If you look like a pig maybe not. But within reason, yes. Many men fall head over heels. But this includes looks in the whole package. You won't fall head over heels for someone if you don't find them attractive. Men have a wide variety of standards for beauty. Some girls my friends like I would never sleep with, and vice versa.

Quote

Do men feel the same love for the woman the way a woman feels about the man?

It's def possible for a man and woman to love each other in a reciprocal, balanced way. Some guys will fall for a girl harder than the girl falls for him. That's not unusual. Many guys get their hearts broken by girls who leave them. So obviously men can love deeply.

Edited August 8, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Salvijus]

3 hours ago, Aaly said:

i just need to know how men think and since men care so much about the physical appearance of a woman, can they ever see past that and still be "head over heels" in love with a woman?

The more concious a person is, the more likely that one will be able to look past appearances into the glory and beauty that lies beneath the surface appearance of every individual. To the point where one becomes fully concious and feels the embrace of love towards everyone and everything because recognition of Spirit in all things becomes the only thing in one's vision that you value.

Edited August 8, 2023 by Salvijus

[Aaly]

@Leo Gura Yeah ig ur right. 

The reason I've been thinking about this alot is because I heard a lot of men on YT and tiktok talk about stuff like after 25 a woman is expired and very hurtful stuff like that which made me wonder if men could ever actually love a woman and that should i even bother dating guys if it's not gonna last.

Anyway thanks for ur response.

[something_else]

57 minutes ago, Aaly said:

The reason I've been thinking about this alot is because I heard a lot of men on YT and tiktok talk about stuff like after 25 a woman is expired and very hurtful stuff like that which made me wonder if men could ever actually love a woman and that should i even bother dating guys if it's not gonna last.

Don't let yourself be influenced too much by stuff you see online, get your own experience.

I would imagine that most of the guys who are making content like this are not having particularly healthy relationships. They are not good role models.

[integral]

6 hours ago, Aaly said:

"head over heels" in love with a woman?

Is unhealthy, these are kids games people play when there young. head over heels is not stable and is 90% infatuation and both men and women do it with equal frequency. 

Relationships as we become more mature become more sober and the love that shows up is more real.

Healthy love is not a peak rush of emotion towards another that is actually coveting in disguise. 

Healthy love learns to first love oneself then move outward to love and nurture all around it in a stable way that does not rely on personal gain, it comes from understanding of oneself and "other" and deep cultivation of love for life

There are levels to love we grow through, it starts very selfish and move towards very selfless. 

Edited August 8, 2023 by integral

[Leo Gura]

8 hours ago, Aaly said:

@Leo Gura Yeah ig ur right. 

The reason I've been thinking about this alot is because I heard a lot of men on YT and tiktok talk about stuff like after 25 a woman is expired and very hurtful stuff like that which made me wonder if men could ever actually love a woman and that should i even bother dating guys if it's not gonna last.

Anyway thanks for ur response.

I understand your concern.

Let me share this story with you to cheer you up:

My grandparents got married when they were around 16. They lived together into their 80s. When my grandmother died my grandfather said, I just want to die and be with her. A few years later he did. They were buried next to each other.

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

13 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

My grandparents got married when they were around 16. They lived together into their 80s. When my grandmother died my grandfather said, I just want to die and be with her. A few years later he did. They were buried next to each other.

My great grandparents are still together, they're both in their late 90's. They were forcefully married after both their families had been kidnapped by the soviets, put on a train and transported from the Ukraine over to Kazakhstan to help build settlements there. The shit they've been through and they're still kicking it together and they love each other a lot considering that they didn't choose to marry each other.

The lesson is that love doesn't care. It does what it does.

The alternative lesson is that you should get into a forced marriage. Nothing could go wrong with that, surely... 

Edited August 8, 2023 by DefinitelyNotARobot

[Schizophonia]

10 hours ago, Aaly said:

@Leo Gura Yeah ig ur right. 

The reason I've been thinking about this alot is because I heard a lot of men on YT and tiktok talk about stuff like after 25 a woman is expired and very hurtful stuff like that which made me wonder if men could ever actually love a woman and that should i even bother dating guys if it's not gonna last.

Anyway thanks for ur response.

You do not understand. Neither did those who answered you.

Most of the time these guys don't believe what they're saying, it's kind of like obese, neurotic women who engage in nasty, pretentious behavior. It's just a pathetic ego boost for some mentally ill people. 

But don't be fooled, you are at least a little in this business. I'm sure you're able to say to yourself "well these are stupid randoms on a random social network" but you choose to use the overvation we were talking about as a way to ruminate.

It's always the same problem: Will you have the courage to recognize your misery and work on your agenda, or will you give in again and again for the benefit of being a victim.

TIic tac tic tac 

 

[Jacob Morres]

Definietely

There are men who are into connection, emotions, love and all that. Men who like older women, personality more, don't care about looks. If you look you'll see it's common af. A lot of them. It's more about discernment for the guys you are looking for

Also make sure to differentiate between words a man says versus their personality. 

There's a difference between a guy who says he's X (maybe like emotionally available), and a guy that IS X (in this case emotionally available). So learning to discern here can help.. 

So in the case of emotionally available, you can see if he holds space, is empathetic, can listen to your emotions etc. 

 

Edited August 8, 2023 by Jacob Morres

[Jayson G]

16 hours ago, Aaly said:

@Leo Gura Yeah ig ur right. 

The reason I've been thinking about this alot is because I heard a lot of men on YT and tiktok talk about stuff like after 25 a woman is expired and very hurtful stuff like that which made me wonder if men could ever actually love a woman and that should i even bother dating guys if it's not gonna last.

Anyway thanks for ur response.

I'll be honest, I'm a guy who usually goes for girls between like 19 to 22 but it's a much more different case when I'm in love. When I'm in love with a girl, it doesn't matter if she has acne, some fat, her age, nothing. I noticed I'll love her far more than any really pretty, young girl. This "expiring" thing you're talking about is when guys think about it sort of logically. But emotionally, when a guy falls for a girl, he falls for that girl, all his ideals get thrown out the window, and he loves her and will do anything for her and stay with her. 

[viatrufka]

@Aaly The thing with women over 25 being "damaged goods" is not about age per se, but about the number of partners they have been with. There is a dozen of studies confirming that the more partners you had, the less likely your relationships are going to last. Link  Another link Women have it easy with finding a partner in the digital age, however the more guys you've been with, the higher expectations you will develop, and the harder it will be for you to be satisfied. It's much easier for girls to pick up guys than other way around, so there is a stereotype that when a girl is over 25 and is free, it must mean she led a promiscuous lifestyle, has kids from previous flings etc. Nonetheless, from a practical pov, we know there's a higher likelihood of giving birth to a healthy child for a younger woman, and older guys tend to be more stable financially, that's why guys usually prefer to start relationships with younger girls and girls usually feel safer with older men.