Adam M

Girlfriend won't let me watch porn...

171 posts in this topic

2 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Would you feel better if he told you that he feels that porn does not replace sex and you trust what he is saying?

I wouldn't understand how it doesn't.  He's getting off on someone who isn't me, putting forth precious sexual energy towards something that is loveless and purely based on visuals.  I guess, being a female and not a man, I don't really understand the desire for sex without a connection involved with it.  I don't understand why it's so important that a person would be willing to throw away a decent relationship just to watch people who are not you getting it on on a computer screen.

I would feel better for a time, but my insecurities would rise up again and I would lose interest in him, even if I initially trusted him and would just do my best to fade into the background of his life.  I don't believe in forcing people to stop what they're doing.  Like, I wouldn't give someone an ultimatum "this or me", I would just accept that we have different values and do my best to move on with my life.

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3 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Cuz both of them are the primary go-to places when you are bored, hurt, or single, depending on your gender.

3 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Cuz both of them are the primary go-to places when you are bored, hurt, or single, depending on your gender.

Well maybe, but porn is a lot more shallow than genuine friendship.. 

If a woman only has guy-friends things would seem very fishy to me. If not, they don't have to be. I would always be suspicious, but I have had decent friends for a while who were attractive women about which I was clear early on that I wouldn't pursue them. I guess it comes down to how clear your gf and her male friends are about the potential for a romantic relationship to emerge between them. 

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22 minutes ago, Loba said:

I wouldn't understand how it doesn't.  He's getting off on someone who isn't me, putting forth precious sexual energy towards something that is loveless and purely based on visuals.

I think cheating is seen as serious because of the fear of getting dumped. However, people seem to generally want to have sex even though they also watch porn, so porn is not exactly analogous to cheating, because there is not really a danger of being dumped because of it.


Intrinsic joy is revealed in the marriage of meaning and being.

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46 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Almost, but not really, because there is a solution: to stop watching porn. A true double-bind has no possible solution, i.e. he would lose whether he gave up porn or not.

Then, I would likewise suggest another solution, which is for her to accept him as he is and have sex regardless of his porn consumption.


Foolish until proven other-wise ;)

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@Carl-Richard I guess my motivations on this could be summed up as simply as, "My things are my things and if my thing belongs to other things then I don't want thing."  *pushes off to the side with a resounding "Feh!"*

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41 minutes ago, zurew said:

A high libido guy won't be able to control his instincts unless he has good sex very freqently. Its easy to control your urges if you have a low libido and you don't even want to have sex 90% of the time, but its a different talk when you have the urge to have sex at least once a day.

Yeah I'm 22. After I go 1 week without cumming I start humping the walls (figuratively of course) 


I make YouTube videos about Self-Actualization: >> Check it out here <<

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@Adam M

Turn this around and explore within yourself. 

What is it with porn that is so important to you? 

What does it give you that you don't have, or lack? 

Do you have an addiction? 

What with it is it that you don't want to give up? 


Want to connect? Just do it, I assure you I'm just a human being just like you, drop me a PM today. 

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23 minutes ago, Loba said:

I guess my motivations on this could be summed up as simply as, "My things are my things and if my thing belongs to other things then I don't want thing."  *pushes off to the side with a resounding "Feh!"*

And this applies strictly to sexuality, not other aspects of the relationship?


Intrinsic joy is revealed in the marriage of meaning and being.

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40 minutes ago, Loba said:

I wouldn't understand how it doesn't.  He's getting off on someone who isn't me, putting forth precious sexual energy towards something that is loveless and purely based on visuals.  I guess, being a female and not a man, I don't really understand the desire for sex without a connection involved with it.  I don't understand why it's so important that a person would be willing to throw away a decent relationship just to watch people who are not you getting it on on a computer screen.

I would feel better for a time, but my insecurities would rise up again and I would lose interest in him, even if I initially trusted him and would just do my best to fade into the background of his life.  I don't believe in forcing people to stop what they're doing.  Like, I wouldn't give someone an ultimatum "this or me", I would just accept that we have different values and do my best to move on with my life.

Yeah I totally get your point of view and I also get her point of view as well.

She feels like I'm wasting my precious sexual energy and putting towards the image of another woman...

But I don't think that women fully understand that men's brains are literally wired to desire sex with many different women.

Women biologically want 1 man to love and fuck them as deeply and fully as possible...

Whereas men just want to spread their seed far and wide... 

Where I'm at now... I generally don't watch porn that frequently... my life energy kind of ebb and flows towards periods (of a week or two) of no porn, no video games, just pure focus and work... 

And then every once (after a week or two) and I while it feels natural to play some video games and if I haven't came in a while... it feels good to kind of "get the energy out"... 

It helps me be less on edge when I'm not full of semen.

As for why don't I just have sex with her?

Well, for one, masturbating alone is a completely different experience than sexual intercourse.

Having sex requires tremendous focus and energy (for the guy mostly) and if I feel very tired... lazy... and just want to cum... it's a lot less pressure and more relaxing for me to just masturbate on my own. 

My girlfriend says that she "feels" when I've masturbated... which is pretty obvious. My energy is slightly less.

That being said... in Tantra... partners would masturbate themselves before intercourse... so as to lessen the tendency for pursuing selfish gratification and focus on gratifying the other person. So... sometimes, when I have less cum in my balls... I find that I can actually have better sex that lasts much longer.

So, obviously I gotta talk with her about this (which I have) it just feels like asking me to NEVER WATCH PORN EVER AGAIN is kind of a big ask... and I'm a 22 year-old guy is not realistic. 

I like masturbating to porn sometimes... big fucking deal. It feels good when it does and when it becomes excessive I usually just naturally end up quitting for a week or two.

But for her... she feels like she can't relax and surrender fully because she doesn't trust me... but... maybe she can just try surrendering even if I watch porn? Is porn cheating? Such a weird topic...


I make YouTube videos about Self-Actualization: >> Check it out here <<

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11 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

@Adam M

Turn this around and explore within yourself. 

What is it with porn that is so important to you? 

What does it give you that you don't have, or lack? 

Do you have an addiction? 

What with it is it that you don't want to give up? 

Thank you I will explore this deeply in myself.

Now it feels like I have less freedom to kind of do what I want... slowly... the appeal of porn to me to getting lesser and lesser... but I do feel like I need to burn through this karma naturally... 

Quitting porn because someone else told me to won't ever work long-term... 

When I do go for periods without it... I do it because of how it makes me feel. It is my energy after all and I like to feel free to do what I like with it.


I make YouTube videos about Self-Actualization: >> Check it out here <<

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18 minutes ago, Adam M said:

@Thought Art She's psychic and feels it energetically. It's pretty hard to hide.

Hahaha I'm sure all women can feel it. They just don't tell you about it ;D


Intrinsic joy is revealed in the marriage of meaning and being.

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11 hours ago, Adam M said:

she complains that we don't have enough sex.

Well there you go

 

Sorry girlfriend no sex today, gotta go watch porn... that's how she feels

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I am perfectly fine if my guy is watching porn. I would let him. As much as he wants. 

 


♡✸♡.

 Be careful being too demanding in relationships. Relate to the person at the level they are at, not where you need them to be.

You have to get out of the kitchen where Tate's energy exists ~ Tyler Robinson 

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1 hour ago, Adam M said:

Quitting porn because someone else told me to won't ever work long-term... 

Well, yes.

Human psychology also tells us that we resist that which is pushed onto us. We want to feel that we have control, that we have choice.

Pushing agenda onto someone else tends to reinforce the behaviors that was deemed unwanted by the other. 

Self-exploration though, can bring increased awareness and help create a shift in ourselves that means we [may] want to change ourselves, that is, we choose change based on what we come up with. 

Or, it may bring focus onto something else that we do lack, that is important to us, so that we can try and integrate that into the relationship. 

Edited by Eph75

Want to connect? Just do it, I assure you I'm just a human being just like you, drop me a PM today. 

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Personally, I’d break up. I wouldn’t ever tell her she can’t watch porn so why can she?
 

This is just one angle, though. Many things to consider. 

Edited by Dryas

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You should explore polyamory if this is a big deal for you. If you crave sex with other woman mabey a traditional relationship shouldn't be your priority right now.

Ask your girl if she would be down to experiment with other women together. If shes against it all and you dont want to give up your porn then the answer is pretty clear.

On paper it is a reasonable request on her end, how would you feel if your gf was watching other guys and masturbating to that fantasy would you be ok with it? Relationships are a two way street, some things you have to compromise on to maintain the integrity of that relationship. 

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Yeah, porn is degenerate. She is wise to expect her partner to not watch porn.

But if you want to watch porn then break up and find someone who is compatible.

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Is she shaming you for watching it?


Be-Do-Have

Made it out the inner hood

There is no failure, only feedback

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