What Made You Feel Love As A Child?

[Leo Gura]

I am in the midst of developing a deeper theory of love. As such I would like for you to brainstorm a list of things from your childhood that made you feel loved by your mother, father, and/or siblings. The earlier from your childhood the better. You can also make a list of things that made you feel unloved. But separate these two lists.

Don't make shit up, actually introspect into your past. Think deep about what actually made you feel loved. So, for example, if getting a birthday gift made you feel loved, contemplate why and list that. For example, you felt loved because the gift satisfied some deep need/desire of yours.

[thisintegrated]

As I kid I had no concept of love.  Sure things made me happy/sad, but I never analyzed my emotions.

[cetus]

If I wasn't for my mothers love I'm not sure if I would have ever really appreciated how reality has that same love for me. She shown me the way through her Love for me.

[Mulky]

My parents loved me so much and I feel like so much of it came from that.  It had an effect in the surrounding environment.  They really unconditionally loved and appreciated me existing.  There was a sense of freedom space and life in our neighborhood. 

I have memories of sitting in a dirt patch in my front yard and just chilling there looking around at everything.  Every feature of our yard had some type of deep connection with us.  Like each tree, a rock  wall, a area of wild honeysuckle and all other types of wild plants.  the nature was left somewhat uncontrolled and natural and beautiful.  All the neighbors new and loved eachothers pets.  It was sort of innocent.  All of us kids would go on adventures all over the neighborhood and down into the creek area.

One time my dad told me to clean up my room and make it "neat".  I piled my toys up and made a cave because I thought it was "neat", my dad just laughed.  there was space and presence in everything, people were paying attention not just to each other but the physical surroundings, the scene they were living in.  It's like we were present and in life and we felt alive. 

A great sense of the freedom that came to the adults came from the kids,  and that gift was given to the parents as a reward for allowing their kids to feel free.  We all mostly behaved pretty good but the adults were pretty forgiving and understanding.  nobody demonized or moralized.  One time an older kid stole some parts from my bike.  My dad, himself being sort of a rebel as a kid, was very nice and understanding with the older kid and that taught me and others patience etc.  

It seemed like there was not so much trying to control going on, and a sense of real community in the area.  Kids sort of naturally  seem to be on the wavelength of love and really you just have to not mess with that.  You have to let it keep shining because that love empowers the whole family.

Edited May 6, 2022 by Mulky

[Leo Gura]

9 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

As I kid I had no concept of love.  Sure things made me happy/sad, but I never analyzed my emotions.

Analyze the love retrospectively.

7 minutes ago, cetus said:

If I wasn't for my mothers love I'm not sure if I would have ever appreciated reality has that same love for me. She shown me the way through her Love for me.

More details. This is too vague.

[cetus]

Reality became was perfection.

[puporing]

Ohh this is gonna get personal. 

[Leo Gura]

@Mulky Great! Thanks

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, cetus said:

Reality became perfection.

List actual micro things they did to make you feel loved.

[thisintegrated]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Analyze the love retrospectively.

Hmm, I guess it's just getting attention and feeling "safe" and "cared for".  Abandonment would be the opposite of being loved, so as long as you feel you're not abandoned you feel loved.

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, Benton said:

It was my families acceptance that gave me love as a child.

What did they actually do to make you feel acceptance?

[kray]

26 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I am in the midst of developing a deeper theory of love. As such I would like for you to brainstorm a list of things from your childhood that made you feel loved by your mother, father, and/or siblings. The earlier from your childhood the better. You can also make a list of things that made you feel unloved. But separate these two lists.

Don't make shit up, actually introspect into your past. Think deep about what actually made you feel loved. So, for example, if getting a birthday gift made you feel loved, contemplate why and list that. For example, you felt loved because the gift satisfied some deep need/desire of yours.

Acceptance from every facet of my life. Social acceptance from my family, my classmates at school, my colleagues at work, and from my girlfriend. 

[Roy]

When I was 9 or 10 I went to a summer camp. My sister (14 or 15) was a counsellor there so naturally I wasn't on my best behavior lol. I remember one of the other counsellors, a teenage boy started to pick on me and abuse his power. I can't remember if it was because I provoked him or something else, but I remember my sister came to defend me from him even though I didn't really get along with her and was probably making her job harder than it had to be.

I remember that feeling of protection and love quite well, that she had my back unconditionally.

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, kray said:

Acceptance from every facet of my life. Social acceptance from my family, my classmates at school, my colleagues at work, and from my girlfriend. 

What behaviors of theirs created acceptance within you?

[Mulky]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Mulky Great! Thanks

Very happy to help

[Leo Gura]

@Benton Great!

[cetus]

11 minutes ago, Mulky said:

I have memories of sitting in a dirt patch in my front yard and just chilling there looking around at everything.  Every feature of our yard had some type of deep connection with us.

Perhaps to say "I will Always be here for you as we are one"

[Someone here]

Anyone who has kids or has spent time with kids knows how much joy they bring into the world. But nothing can beat the love parents have for their children! The love parents have for kids is everlasting and deep. This love will never reduce, even when children grow up.  

When i was  somewhere between 6-8 my mom used to sing Me to sleep saying: "Butterflies have wings, so they can fly. Bunnies have legs, so they can hop and run. Fish have gills, so they can swim. I have a heart, so I can love you."

She also used to tell Me that All I want to see in this whole wide world is for you to grow up happy and healthy.

There is nothing more brilliant in this world than seeing your children growing up 

[Cykaaaa]

Playing Worms 2 with my dad. What a fond memory. I felt really loved.

Wrestling with my dad for fun, in a playful way.

My parents paying for my paid membership in a game I was in love with. The game was a big part in my life. I loved it so much I was studying English passionately just so I could understand it well. I was given the freedom to play and I felt loved because of that. I also have a memory of my mom trying to help me with some problem I had with the game (didn't collect an item I wanted, so she drew it for me ), another one of printing some colored wallpaper from the game for me - I was so excited.

My mom brought a cat to our house one day  And after a bit of convincing, my dad accepted it. I always wanted to have a cat and when we got it, I was so so happy. Also, really I've always been giving my cat a lot of love and she's been giving it back to me. She still does and I still feel loved by her, even more than these years ago.

I felt loved when I was given attention. When I was played with. When I was helped and taken care of. When my will was being honored (to play my game, to have a cat, etc.)

Good memories. 

[soos_mite_ah]

I felt loved whenever people would spend quality time with me. That ranged from my mom watching TV with me, my dad and I sneaking out to get ice cream, and my uncle riding his bike with me and taking me to the park to play tennis. Even if it was just running errands, I still enjoyed tagging along and helping my family out. I just enjoyed people being present with me. 

I also felt loved when people would play silly little games with me. I was a very hyper active child so I needed to be pretty active or else I was prone to get cranky. It could range from playing pretend, making up stories, or playing practical jokes on people. I think I just really needed that outlet to help me grow as a child. Definitely helped me be more creative early on. 

Finally, I loved it when people would cuddle with me. I loved it when I could cuddle up with my grandmother and she would tell me stories of the ways that my dad got into trouble as a little kid. Another time I remember was when I liked taking naps with my dad and I would curl up next to him.  I think a lot of this had to do with the rest of my family being relatively touchy feely and just an abundance of physical affection was shown to me and my cousins and as a result I got socialized accordingly. 

Now that I actually think about it, I don't think much has changed. I would say that my love language is close tie between physical touch and quality time. I also generally need people who are going to challenge me intellectually and creatively while still having a light hearted air about it both on a platonic and romantic level as well. So I think if I were to sum it up in a sentence, the things that would make me feel loved includes being present (physically and emotionally) and allowing yourself to grow in a fun way at your own pace.