What Made You Feel Love As A Child?

[Leo Gura]

I am in the midst of developing a deeper theory of love. As such I would like for you to brainstorm a list of things from your childhood that made you feel loved by your mother, father, and/or siblings. The earlier from your childhood the better. You can also make a list of things that made you feel unloved. But separate these two lists.

Don't make shit up, actually introspect into your past. Think deep about what actually made you feel loved. So, for example, if getting a birthday gift made you feel loved, contemplate why and list that. For example, you felt loved because the gift satisfied some deep need/desire of yours.

[thisintegrated]

As I kid I had no concept of love.  Sure things made me happy/sad, but I never analyzed my emotions.

[cetus]

If I wasn't for my mothers love I'm not sure if I would have ever really appreciated how reality has that same love for me. She shown me the way through her Love for me.

[Mulky]

My parents loved me so much and I feel like so much of it came from that.  It had an effect in the surrounding environment.  They really unconditionally loved and appreciated me existing.  There was a sense of freedom space and life in our neighborhood. 

I have memories of sitting in a dirt patch in my front yard and just chilling there looking around at everything.  Every feature of our yard had some type of deep connection with us.  Like each tree, a rock  wall, a area of wild honeysuckle and all other types of wild plants.  the nature was left somewhat uncontrolled and natural and beautiful.  All the neighbors new and loved eachothers pets.  It was sort of innocent.  All of us kids would go on adventures all over the neighborhood and down into the creek area.

One time my dad told me to clean up my room and make it "neat".  I piled my toys up and made a cave because I thought it was "neat", my dad just laughed.  there was space and presence in everything, people were paying attention not just to each other but the physical surroundings, the scene they were living in.  It's like we were present and in life and we felt alive. 

A great sense of the freedom that came to the adults came from the kids,  and that gift was given to the parents as a reward for allowing their kids to feel free.  We all mostly behaved pretty good but the adults were pretty forgiving and understanding.  nobody demonized or moralized.  One time an older kid stole some parts from my bike.  My dad, himself being sort of a rebel as a kid, was very nice and understanding with the older kid and that taught me and others patience etc.  

It seemed like there was not so much trying to control going on, and a sense of real community in the area.  Kids sort of naturally  seem to be on the wavelength of love and really you just have to not mess with that.  You have to let it keep shining because that love empowers the whole family.

Edited May 6, 2022 by Mulky

[Leo Gura]

9 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

As I kid I had no concept of love.  Sure things made me happy/sad, but I never analyzed my emotions.

Analyze the love retrospectively.

7 minutes ago, cetus said:

If I wasn't for my mothers love I'm not sure if I would have ever appreciated reality has that same love for me. She shown me the way through her Love for me.

More details. This is too vague.

[cetus]

Reality became was perfection.

[puporing]

Ohh this is gonna get personal. 

[Leo Gura]

@Mulky Great! Thanks

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, cetus said:

Reality became perfection.

List actual micro things they did to make you feel loved.

[Benton]

It was my families acceptance that gave me love as a child. But also, them leaving me alone. If they paid too much attention to me I felt friction. 

I would say acceptance. Gifts that matched me where always the best because they acknowledged me.

Acceptance and the freedom to do what I wanted and be me. I would say that those where the two that gave me the love with the things I experienced it with.

 

[thisintegrated]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Analyze the love retrospectively.

Hmm, I guess it's just getting attention and feeling "safe" and "cared for".  Abandonment would be the opposite of being loved, so as long as you feel you're not abandoned you feel loved.

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, Benton said:

It was my families acceptance that gave me love as a child.

What did they actually do to make you feel acceptance?

[kray]

26 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I am in the midst of developing a deeper theory of love. As such I would like for you to brainstorm a list of things from your childhood that made you feel loved by your mother, father, and/or siblings. The earlier from your childhood the better. You can also make a list of things that made you feel unloved. But separate these two lists.

Don't make shit up, actually introspect into your past. Think deep about what actually made you feel loved. So, for example, if getting a birthday gift made you feel loved, contemplate why and list that. For example, you felt loved because the gift satisfied some deep need/desire of yours.

Acceptance from every facet of my life. Social acceptance from my family, my classmates at school, my colleagues at work, and from my girlfriend. 

[Roy]

When I was 9 or 10 I went to a summer camp. My sister (14 or 15) was a counsellor there so naturally I wasn't on my best behavior lol. I remember one of the other counsellors, a teenage boy started to pick on me and abuse his power. I can't remember if it was because I provoked him or something else, but I remember my sister came to defend me from him even though I didn't really get along with her and was probably making her job harder than it had to be.

I remember that feeling of protection and love quite well, that she had my back unconditionally.

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, kray said:

Acceptance from every facet of my life. Social acceptance from my family, my classmates at school, my colleagues at work, and from my girlfriend. 

What behaviors of theirs created acceptance within you?

[Mulky]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Mulky Great! Thanks

Very happy to help

[Benton]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

What did they actually do to make you feel acceptance?

Something like I would show them a rock I found. And then they would appreciate it with me and tell me it was a good find. Or get me a book that they knew I was into even if they thought it was weird. Or I used to be into astrophysics, and they would listen to what I have to say even though it isn't an interest to them. My mom hated video games. But she would get me one on my birthday anyways. Or listening to me talk about what I had learned about some animal. So not invalidating my ideas and interests is a big one. And listening to what I say for me. Not for what I was talking about. I would say that them not accepting me as I aged created a good deal of my trauma.

As a really young kid though. It was definitely them letting me wander and explore without stopping me. 

Edited May 6, 2022 by Benton

[Leo Gura]

@Benton Great!

[cetus]

11 minutes ago, Mulky said:

I have memories of sitting in a dirt patch in my front yard and just chilling there looking around at everything.  Every feature of our yard had some type of deep connection with us.

Perhaps to say "I will Always be here for you as we are one"

[Someone here]

Anyone who has kids or has spent time with kids knows how much joy they bring into the world. But nothing can beat the love parents have for their children! The love parents have for kids is everlasting and deep. This love will never reduce, even when children grow up.  

When i was  somewhere between 6-8 my mom used to sing Me to sleep saying: "Butterflies have wings, so they can fly. Bunnies have legs, so they can hop and run. Fish have gills, so they can swim. I have a heart, so I can love you."

She also used to tell Me that All I want to see in this whole wide world is for you to grow up happy and healthy.

There is nothing more brilliant in this world than seeing your children growing up