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Girls... who have you felt understands you the best?

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@Khr @Preety_India @Emerald

This might be a tangent but I have seen the term slut be used in two ways. The most commonly used one is where a woman liking sex and having a lot of sex is referred to as a derogatory term used to undermine female sexuality. The other way is where a woman doesn't have many standards and doesn't have the healthiest reasons for having a lot of sex (I've seen slut be used in this way a few times here and there but not too often). There seems to be a overlap because there is a common misconception where if you have a lot of sexual partners, then you either don't value yourself highly or you don't have standards. But in a lot of cases, having standards or a lack there of and having a lots of sexual partners vs having a few, are two separate traits. 

For example, lets say you have a woman who has a few partners, lets say 2 and she slept with them because she wanted to prove something to herself or she didn't want to express her own boundaries. To the person who uses the second definition of a slut where a slut refers to a lack of standards and a lack of healthy reasons for having sex, this woman is a slut. To the person who uses the first definition of a slut, this example isn't an example of a slut. 

Another example is a woman who sleeps around a lot but she is doing it for healthy reasons like lets say she wants to explore her sexuality more. This woman isn't coming from a place of trauma, sleeping around is actually the right decision for her and her self discovery. To the people who use the first definition of a slut, this woman is a slut but if you use the second definition, this person isn't a slut because her desire to engage in this type of behavior is coming from an authentic source. 

Sometimes I see this type of miscommunication where one party is using one definition of slut and the other party is using the other. And the best way I deal with it is by not having slut as a part of my vocabulary (mainly because it can be seen as derogatory in many cases) because it can lead to miscommunication. To me, a woman's (or really any person's respect for themselves) respect for herself is not reflected in where her boundaries lie and what she is ok with but rather her ability to enforce her boundaries and stand up for herself regardless of where she stands. Every person's expression of authenticity is different and different things can be healthy and empowering to different people so you can't say any hard and fast rules about what should and shouldn't be ok or where boundaries need to lie. But it is up to an individual to respect their own authenticity and stand up for themselves if they personally feel that their boundary might be crossed.  I hope that makes sense and I would like to know what yall think. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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I'd like to share my view on this topic before Leo closes this thread :)

About the ''whether women should have sex before or after some dating'' part: To be honest, women always want something from men if they are to take things any further; it could be sex, long term relationship, intimacy and bonding, a friend, experience, money, social status, security, etc... you name it. It could also be a mix of many. If you see it's more right from one particular perspective, you're being biased. What is the thing women want is a combination of their beliefs, values and personality which are linked to ones consciousness development. But that's only the logical part.

About the effect of emotional hype when let's say trying to get her in bed: Yeah for some women who tend to be more masculine it is harder to let go of the principles and norms of what they want, but I've experienced so many times that on the right state of mind under the right emotional stimulus woman's notions of who they think they are and who they want to sleep with can disappear like a fart in the wind. That's also why alcohol makes women more spontaneous as it paralyzes the part of the brain that evaluates things from rational perspective. I would say that in general as a woman it is very easy to speculate this matter behind a screen when not being affected by the emotions.

When I studied there was a girl few years older than me in the party circles who's looks I found perfect but I decided not to move on because all the male traffic around her. I never really even spoke to her. One night at a club she just randomly came to me and asked me to leave the club with her. She wasn't into one night stands AT ALL -- even bit against them. To her one night stands were ''too awkward''. But she found me too attractive at the moment to give a shit. We ended up dating for almost 2 years.

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2 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

@Khr @Preety_India @Emerald

This might be a tangent but I have seen the term slut be used in two ways. The most commonly used one is where a woman liking sex and having a lot of sex is referred to as a derogatory term used to undermine female sexuality. The other way is where a woman doesn't have many standards and doesn't have the healthiest reasons for having a lot of sex (I've seen slut be used in this way a few times here and there but not too often). There seems to be a overlap because there is a common misconception where if you have a lot of sexual partners, then you either don't value yourself highly or you don't have standards. But in a lot of cases, having standards or a lack there of and having a lots of sexual partners vs having a few, are two separate traits. 

For example, lets say you have a woman who has a few partners, lets say 2 and she slept with them because she wanted to prove something to herself or she didn't want to express her own boundaries. To the person who uses the second definition of a slut where a slut refers to a lack of standards and a lack of healthy reasons for having sex, this woman is a slut. To the person who uses the first definition of a slut, this example isn't an example of a slut. 

Another example is a woman who sleeps around a lot but she is doing it for healthy reasons like lets say she wants to explore her sexuality more. This woman isn't coming from a place of trauma, sleeping around is actually the right decision for her and her self discovery. To the people who use the first definition of a slut, this woman is a slut but if you use the second definition, this person isn't a slut because her desire to engage in this type of behavior is coming from an authentic source. 

Sometimes I see this type of miscommunication where one party is using one definition of slut and the other party is using the other. And the best way I deal with it is by not having slut as a part of my vocabulary (mainly because it can be seen as derogatory in many cases) because it can lead to miscommunication. To me, a woman's (or really any person's respect for themselves) respect for herself is not reflected in where her boundaries lie and what she is ok with but rather her ability to enforce her boundaries and stand up for herself regardless of where she stands. Every person's expression of authenticity is different and different things can be healthy and empowering to different people so you can't say any hard and fast rules about what should and shouldn't be ok or where boundaries need to lie. But it is up to an individual to respect their own authenticity and stand up for themselves if they personally feel that their boundary might be crossed.  I hope that makes sense and I would like to know what yall think. 

Yes, I agree, the word should not be a part of the vocabulary. So many women feel bad about being slut shamed by the society. Some of my friends even have this “count” of how many men they have been with and stay in toxic relationships because they don’t want to increase their “count” by dating more men. The value of woman should not be based on how many men she’s been with as this can be very dangerous. 

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@soos_mite_ah  the problem is not so much with the definition of a term or its miscommunication. 

The problem is the perspective and the right to hold that perspective and not impose your (does not mean you here) perspective on someone else's. 

For example, I can call Trump a dictator, maybe for someone else he is not a dictator. But I perceive him as a dictator. 

There is no common ground in such a case. There is no acceptable definition because most terms that are descriptive are ambiguous and their meanings are heavily conditioned by the opinions of the perceiver. 

Same goes for the terms like ugly or beautiful. And the same applies to terms like slut and player. 

I can call a guy a player for having multiple relationships whereas for someone else his behavior could be considered perfectly normal.

We only have to accept that people have different perspectives. 

 


INTP loner..... Live a Roman.  Die a Roman...... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. (I'm more Roman than you'll ever be ) only guys with zero ego and zero passive aggressive can talk to me, rest need not bother 

Preety preety

 

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Welp, this turned into a dumpster fire. Thanks for playing.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Although I don't agree with everything being said (the recent heated discussion). 

Lovely girlies @Khr @Preety_India
Use this as a learning experience, if you're going round in circles during arguments, increase your awareness/mindfulness and take care of yourselves please! Your peace of mind is more important than getting at the other person (which turns into an endless argument and waste of time!) 💛💛

Try putting yourself in the other person's shoes (even if you hate where they're coming from), empathize deeply and move on! You can't change anyone with such arguments. 

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