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About Khr

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  • Birthday 07/01/1992

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  1. It does make it harder. But nowadays people are becoming more and more self aware, it’s becoming popular to be into “self development”, so I do have hope left. But I feel that once you find it, you will know quite soon whether it works. Saw this a couple of weeks ago. “The more exquisite the taste, the fever are the options”
  2. @Vzdoh yea it’s definitely important to work on your issues first and not cover up them up with relationships. Narcs don’t just happen to us, we allow them to happen to us due to poor boundaries and lack of self love. I am happy you’ve been able to pick yourself up in a difficult situation and be self aware to understand why/what you were feeling at the moment.
  3. @Vzdoh I think there’s a difference with how people share that experience if it’s like “I had a difficult time in my life, but I’ve overcome it, I am so proud of myself” vs “I was once in a dark place, it was horrible, I hope you can understand that and pity me and not push me to get there again” - and that is a difference between being over the experience vs not. Also going into many details vs just briefly mentioning it. I noticed when bad things happen to us, there is a limit to how much we can “vent” about it. At some point, once we’ve let it all out, we get tired of talking about it so it just becomes like “yea, been there, happened to me, let’s talk about something else now”. And I can definitely understand how that was a big part of yourself and why you would want to share that, but it sounds like you’re doing it from more of a positive note. My goal is to get to a place though where I don’t want to talk about my hardships anymore - where I’ve let it all out and rather focus on better things. I don’t know if it’s fully possible though and I don’t know if that’s realistic.
  4. Well it’s pretty nuanced, you don’t want to reject everyone. At the same time you definitely don’t want to date people who are depressed/suicidal. Even people who share very soon into the relationship that at any point they were depressed or suicidal, because that means that they are still not fully over it. A person who is over a dark time in their life and focusing on better things would probably rather talk about the better things. Yea, as JLo once said, you have to be fully happy with yourself/by yourself first before you can be happy with someone else. The items you described kind of remind me of my second bf, maybe he wasn’t a narc after all, but it was still a pretty bad experience. What are some of the examples of emotional intimacy you’re describing?
  5. @Vzdoh I’ve never dated a narc beyond 3-4 months either (except of my second bf when I was young, but I am not a 100% sure he was a narc, maybe just toxic), it interestingly becomes apparent at about 2-3 months mark (I wonder if that is where the 3 months comes from in some of the dating advices I’ve read (like don’t sleep with a guy for 3 months to see how he truly is)). I’ve watched a lot of dr. Ramani videos, Sam Vaknin, and many other ones, however I still dated a narc for a few months recently… just because I was in a vulnerable/very busy place in life and he checked out a lot of my other boxes that I got too excited too fast. So my lesson here was, if you’re in a vulnerable place, you’re probably not paying attention and overlooking many things (unless you’re a super human), so it’s better not to look for a partner then.
  6. It’s because you’ve been blessed not to date any narcs - you would need direct experience to see why. My old narcs would cry in front of me, tell me about their sad childhoods, be super vulnerable, tell me how they want to open up orphanages 😅. Now I’ve learned my lesson so if in the first 3-6 months the guy is crying to me about how his dad never loved him I’m gtfo 😶.
  7. Yea, that is the best thing. But not fake “emotional logic” though that they had to learn from “how to win friends and influence people”, that also sucks. But yea I know what you mean with guys who are manipulative like that.
  8. Ehhh.. in my experience, not really.. I’ve met some logical guys and if they lack EQ it’s a nightmare - it’s like talking to a robot that’s constantly calculating what’s the best thing to do based on data.
  9. Yes, absolutely, studying science trains your brain - people back home used to say, for example, once you study higher mathematics, studying anything else will be a piece of cake for you. As long as you remember to develop in other spheres as well. It will help you to develop so many other great skills - discipline, perseverance, curiosity, confidence.
  10. Yea, I guess that makes sense, if the first few sentences are intense and super logical, that would come off as creepy.
  11. That’s because most people in the world are stupid, nothing to do with gender. It depends on what OP wants. If OP just wants lay-count, which I am assuming is the case there, then yes statistically speaking he will need to dumb down. If eventually he wants a true connection he needs to embrace who he is.
  12. Intimacy = “into me see”. Like people said before being able to share things with each other in a safe space, trusting, accepting and loving each other for who they are - you can’t have it with many people that’s why it’s special.
  13. @RoerAmit Don’t listen to that. I find logical men super attractive, it is one of the biggest turn ons for me. Just don’t be creepy and dress well. I hate stupid and fun guys. Well… I do love funny guys, but being funny requires intelligence. Do develop your EQ though because guys who are just logical are dumb, but in a different way. Although I don’t have much practice in pick up, but basically my point is, girls who like logical guys do exist but maybe you could catch more fish with a wider net - and then eventually find someone who appreciates you for you - but you do need to practice to get to that point.
  14. I just wanted to write about that I should do more research on hypersensitivity, but I think it’s better to focus on creating positive experiences vs researching what is wrong with me. Interesting observation, this forum is like the opposite of Instagram, at least for me, because if Instagram is the place where you post about your happy times, I go to this forum to vent when I am feeling down. Or I am just more real about my experiences. Here is why even though I don’t have a clear path of where to start and exactly what my destination is, I will achieve it: There were times in my life where I thought I can’t achieve my goal, I vividly remember feeling it was impossible and feeling frustrated. I also remember the goal seeming so far away and covered in mist, but then somehow, someway a path would start appearing and the sun would start shining on it I would be able to get to my goal. So I know I can do it because I’ve done it before.
  15. Ok, I’ve had it, no more procrastination on my work. I have no choice but to believe these things will work and give my 100% to it. I am right when I feel something is wrong with me, and I need to do the work to fix it. Also, from now on limiting talking to people again, because I will either say something stupid I will regret and then torture myself with it, or they will say something that will bug me. I know I need to be more social, but now is not the time, now is the time for work on myself and it might take 6-12 months of not socializing, given that I need to study now too. I need to work on this every free second of my time. Here is why I am scared of being happy and feeling safe and secure: I never felt this way in my life (at least consistently) so it is foreign to me. I have a belief that I don’t deserve happiness, that it is selfish, mostly ingrained in me by my mom. When I think about it I have her image in my head. Every critical thought in my head actually has her voice. I enjoy the stress and anxiety, it’s serving me a purpose Actually I want to talk about this last point some more. I think there is something there. If I wasn’t enjoying it in some way, I wouldn’t be doing it to myself. It gives me comfort because it is familiar, it makes me feel “like home”. I don’t have enough knowledge on this, so maybe from now on, instead of looking at NPD videos I could start looking into this. But without the knowledge, maybe I have some answers within me already. What is it all about? Why did I have to get addicted to chaos? Is chaos more fun than inner peace and stability? Is that because I am not challenging myself enough externally that I am creating challenges within myself? Maybe if I was to do more things externally “in a safe space” I wouldn’t be having so much emotional turmoil? For example, if I had a toast masters meeting today or a book club meeting, where I am learning and engaging with people, but at a distant level I am comfortable with, I wouldn’t have time to worry, because I’d be doing stuff. I think maybe what is happening is the activities that I am picking out are wrong activities for me so end up regressing back to my shell. For example yesterday, I had a 1-1 with my friend vs what I already figured was that I am more comfortable in groups and doing activities - for example on Sunday when we went out with my coworkers, it was one of the best days I’ve had in a while, and I kind of realized that. It challenges the situation a lot though because finding 1 friend to hang out with is easy, vs finding a group is really hard. Yea this is what overthinking looks like in writing. But anyways, this is just one reason, what are some other reasons? I need to create more experiences that are happy and positive. I watched a video a while ago on positive thinking where it said that basically the reason why people are thinking negatively is because that’s what their mind is used to and so it goes on autopilot, and a way to stop it is to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones so it autopilots to that. Same thing with being happy, actually being happy and positive thinking might just be synonyms. So what it is that makes me happy? I like going to amusement parks, ones with big rollercoasters. I like going back home and hanging out with my friends. I like playing this old video game that’s called knights and merchants. I like reading Harry Potter outside on the balcony. I like hanging out with a group of some of my coworkers, it was nice to play soccer with them. I like the kind of trips I had in Peru - it was a guided tour with a few people in there, then we would have all kind of events, it almost felt like summer camp for adults.