Khr

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About Khr

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  • Birthday 07/01/1992

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  1. FML

    @Michael569 Hey, I have thought about it. Have you taken it? I am not sure whether LP course is suitable for women, or at least for me. I want to start a family one day, and I already spent so many years on my career/studying, I don't know if I have much energy/time to start from scratch now.
  2. FML

    So I can't sleep again.. I think I saw in TS video once that writing out my thoughts/feeling is supposed to help.. Well tomorrow I am starting up a new project at work that I am not happy about.. I am generally unhappy about work and the company culture.. we also have a team activity tomorrow from 3:30-6 that I was asked to organize. I got really mad at that because all the other companies let their employees leave early before a long weekend, vs my company never does. The reason why I don't like the company culture is because I feel they make their employees too involved.. here are some of the reasons I don't like it: Constant stupid events - before Covid, we would have weird flashy events that all the fresh out of school kids very happy about. For example, they would fly people from my office to the head office city to party for 3 days.. literally just to party. Another example is the initiation parties for people who got fully designated, those people basically chip in for a huge party, rent out a bar or a club and get super wasted.. that's just so dumb... I am involved in two groups outside of my team on onboarding new employees and on promoting our department (which I think we should pay people to do), and it is just too much for me. I tried to quit the promoting group because I thought it was a waste of my time.. we were basically making posts about our team/content to post on LinkedIn.. they made a WFH yoga video once to show how great our work life balance is.. it was just so staged.. we had meetings every week for that.. I just couldn't do it.. but basically my manager tried to convince me how important it is.. I don't like my coworkers.. I feel that they don't have a soul, a character.. I hate our morning scrums. Every morning we meet up with the team to talk about our tasks for the day. The reason why I don't like them, and lost a lot of sleep over them, is because some days I feel like I don't have much work so I just don't have anything valuable to say and it makes me feel bad. Work can be very cyclical for us, because it is R&D, we don't have consistent stream of work and always work on different projects. It goes from a nice quiet time while waiting for the project, to all hell getting loose. I think we deserve the quiet time sometimes, even to organize/document our work, but because of the morning scrums, we get pushed to constantly work. For example, if you were to say you don't have much to work on today, they would get our POs to give us some BS work that no one needs at the end of the day just so that we always have work.. I worked on so many projects that were just a waste of my time. I feel the whole team is horribly organized. The "hard work culture" is being extremely praised. People live for work in my industry. The designation exams that we have are crazy in their own way, I don't even want to go there right now.. But many people don't stop there, they get all kinds of certificates PO/Coding, a 1000 masters.. phDs.. It's just so tiring.. Many of them don't want children.. they date people at work, their friends are people from work.. work is all there is to them. They are generally an INTP/INTJ/ENTP/ENTJ orange type and I just don't see eye-to-eye with them, they lack emotions for me.. their conversations are boring as F for me. Generally I don't think I like the non feeler types. Most of people on my team are guys too.. they work on the weekend.. they are constantly online... I can't be that way, I want to go outside, I want to work out, I want to cook healthy, I want to do my nails, I don't care about their F****** work.. work is a small part of my life, I don't live to work.. Anyways, I can't do this anymore.. I don't know if it's because it's North America, I want to move to Europe.. I always feel like I don't belong here.. Ok.. well writing things down doesn't seem to have helped.. I can't do this anymore
  3. Hey, how long did you take it for/how many pills approximately before it made you depressed? Yes, I bought ashwagandha a few days ago, still haven’t tried it though. I usually take valerian or lemon balm drops if I can’t sleep, but I think my body is used to them already...
  4. Thanks so much for this response! I think it was first prescribed to me about 4 years ago, since then, I probably went through (I hope) at most 50 pills. Is there a way to reverse this damage?
  5. I have put my computers and my phone in constant night mode some time ago, not sure if it blocks out all the blue light and how it works, but I do see a big difference in how my eyes feel whenever I switch back to normal mode. My kindle e-reader doesn’t have that option though. Will need to lookup whether it emits blue light too.
  6. Looooool, can still see myself in the mirror, full moon does make me grouchy though 😅😅😅
  7. Hi All, A few years ago, when I was studying for an exam and couldn't sleep, my doctor prescribed me zopiclone (a sedative) so that I could at least sleep the night before the exam. Eventually, I started taking zopiclone a bit more frequently, about once a month when I can't fall asleep or to re-set my schedule. Based on some online research that I did, zopiclone has a lot of side of effects, such as addiction. Is it really that dangerous, should I throw them out completely? Or is it ok to use it once a month to re-set my sleeping schedule? Is it what has been screwing up my sleeping schedule and causing me more anxieties to begin with?
  8. Hi All, I live in a corner unit and my apartment is very bright. My eyes are very sensitive to light and I've been noticing I get more tired/less motivated to do things on sunny days. I feel motivated/energetic when it's cloudy/gloomy outside (generally I am a night owl and do get more energetic/focused at night). What could this be related to?
  9. Hi all, My sleep schedule is really horrible and has never been great. My whole life, I probably woke up at 6 am 20-30 times, and only due to my part time job in uni. Is it even possible for me to fix it at this point? I've been a night owl all my life, I work during the day, and I study at night. I love studying at night, but it really got out of hand now.. With Covid, and working from home, I pushed the studying till later and later.. in December when I had my previous exam, I basically switched days and night during the 2 weeks that I was off studying.. there were days where I would wake up at 10 pm. One of the reasons I think I like to study at night is because my eyes are very sensitive to light and my apartment is a corner unit with a lot of sunlight during the day. I think sunshine makes me tired and less productive. Anyone else feel the same? What could this be related to? Since December it was pretty much super messy.. Yesterday I couldn't sleep till 8 am, I took melatonin, valerian, my heart was really racing. In general I slept about 4 hours today, 5 hours yesterday.. I should be exhausted, but it is 4:30 right now and I still can't fall asleep. My next exam is coming in 1.5 months and the next 1.5 months are going to be super intense. However, I want to prioritize my sleep, but I don't think I know how a sleep schedule works anymore. If I want to become an early bird, and go to bed at 11 and wake up at 7, do I have to do it on the weekend too with an alarm? Because I feel if I push it to later on the weekend, I won't be able to fall asleep at 11 the next days. Also, if on some day it takes me a long time to fall asleep and I can't fall asleep at 11, do I have to wakeup at 7 anyways? Because I feel if I allow myself to sleep longer it will mess up the system again. If, for instance, I can't fall asleep until 4-5, should I still wakeup at 7 and only have 2 hours of sleep? Is this healthier long term? Also, the 8 hours of sleep does it count from the time I go to bed and try to sleep or is it just pure sleeping time? If I want to sleep 8 hours, should I go to bed at 10:30 then to give myself some buffer time to fall asleep? Should I stop reading/doing activities at 10:30? How long does it take to completely revamp/get used to a sleeping schedule like this? Any night owls out there who were successful turning it around?
  10. FML

    I am having a hard time understanding what has been happening with me the last few years. Somehow things went out of control, I haven't been able to meditate even for a few minutes. I haven't been able to disconnect myself. I somehow turned into this big unhappy anxiety ball. I care less and less about people, about my family. The last few years I have been just finding faults in everyone and everything. I used to do this exercise before.. I would sit on my balcony, close my eyes, and imagine there is no one else in the world. It's just me. Think about what I want to do with my life, without being influenced by anyone's opinion or expectations. I feel I wasted so much time on stupid relationships, cried so much, worried so much.. god I wish I did anything else instead. The last year has been hard on everyone though. With Covid, working from home for a year, God I hate video calls.... The moment gym reopens, I'm just gonna go, get vaccine, get whatever I need to get, just get back into the workout routine.. wear nice pretty gym clothes, buy those nike shoes with golden details.. they remind me of yoyo galaxy.. Do my nails, get a new phone without all the past pictures hunting me.. start over.. new phone new me... just change everything.. I wonder if it's an INFJ thing.. damn they be crazy... I wonder if I will never find anyone, INFJs apparently are the forever alone type because they nitpick, want to find a soulmate, believe in perfection. I wasn't so INFJ before.. I should really stop learning all of this psychology bs and focus on self love.. I've watched every single narcissist video on YouTube.. I try to pin down/classify every person I know.. I think this year should be the year of discipline instead, the year of self love, the year of affirmations, the year of making myself go to bed at 10:30 and fixing my schedule.. I've been a night owl forever now.. I think I can count the amount of times I woke up at 6 am on one hand.. the amount of times I went to bed at 6 though...ugh... so many.. Studying has been grim.. there is still so much to go.. but it's ok.. I am definitely not going to do further exams after ACAS, I want to focus on data science. Although is this really what I want to do? Some of my friends are struggling with finding themselves too.. work has been stressful, I hate our morning scrums, I hate feeling so controlled, and I hate how much self discipline it requires. I miss going to the office, I can't wait to wear my new skirt with my new shoes... then going to the gym after work with my friend.. I've been missing her.. It's ok to have sad days.. my sleep has been off the roof, I think this is what is causing me so many problems...
  11. FML

    Yet another not super great day that started pretty well.. I noticed a few things, I can only study for a certain number of hours a day, if I have a whole day to study, I won’t do it, I will waste my time, do any other bs just not to study. Because of this, I think it’s important for me to do a workout every day, since I will waste my time anyways, might as well do a workout. The excuse of “oh, I just don’t have time, I need to study” it’s just not true.. I had time to talk on the phone today, I had time to be hypochondriac for a good few hours today, I had time to paranoy and obsesses, clearly, I have plenty of time so I rather use it for a workout. Another important thing is to cook food at home rather than get takeout. I mean it’s just laughable at this point that I keep using the excuse of not having time. Would I rather waste time googling diseases or make myself a healthy meal so that I don’t have diseases? In the last two days I ate so much it’s just crazy... Here is why I should keep working out and eating healthy, despite being so busy I can barely find 4-5 hours a day for my passion of worrying and paranoying about random stuff: You will waste time anyways. Doing nice things for yourself such as working out and eating well will help your mood a lot. You will feel better about yourself. Weight gain - even though you can lose the weight after the exam, your skin will stretch, that’s irreversible. Health concerns, sleep issues, it’s all interrelated. Saving money, you need to save money for a down payment. Mood, in fact, you need to do exercises and move around every hour or so, otherwise you will get into a bad mood. Just try this... I know you have an “all or nothing” personality so you worry you need to spend the whole day studying and shouldn’t waste your time on anything else... but you need to stop thinking this way because it’s not the reality.. you’re not an iron man.. it’s not possible to study for the whole day. You know what is possible? To study for 7 hours. I know on you tube there are videos of people studying for 10 hours, but you’re not in university anymore, you have work, this is a longer term process for you. The previous methodology is not working. There must be serious changes, serious shifts in mentality. You need to change your mindset of how you’re treating this exam. You need to stop making a big deal out of it. It is possible. Everything is learnable. I can pass this exam. So this brings me to tomorrow 🙃. Wake up, do a workout. I know it’s hard to wakeup when there is a workout waiting for you. Actually, tomorrow is sunny - go for a run instead if foot is doing ok. Cardio is better for your mood anyways. Grab a coffee on the way back. Take a shower. Have breakfast. Do study session 1. 3 x 1 hour sessions. 10 mins breaks in between every hour. Go for a walk outside, 30 mins. Eat lunch/dinner. Do study session 2: 4 x 1 hour sessions, 4 x 10 mins breaks in between. Go to bed before 3. While studying, switch to an old phone. You have to follow this schedule tomorrow no matter what 😤.
  12. Hi All, I am looking for easy to read, relaxing, happy novels before going to sleep, e.g., the Alchemist used to put me to sleep really well . Any suggestions?
  13. I see, I just wonder whether it’s less effective, because affirmations are supposed to be using the “I” language to re-program the subconscious mind. I wonder if they work in the same way. I found a good article about that: https://medium.com/the-ascent/i-am-a-committed-writer-no-you-are-a-committed-writer-9da4e4da6e05
  14. Yea, it’s definitely a form of self love. It’s like they say that raising children with structure/discipline makes them feel safe. Thanks for the video, I’ll def take a look at it
  15. Loool, it’s been a hard few months 😅😅😅