Going back to stage Orange feels like going back to Prostitution.

[Preety_India]

So here's the thing I'm struggling with recently. I have been depressed because I can't resolve my stage Orange Shadow. I was stage orange all my life but I felt like I was selling my soul in my job. 

I started out pretty young in the Finance sector. Making money early on. Working with investment bankers. I lived that high stress money status achievement lifestyle for a few years. It gives a high. But it also has a low. 

After a few years in it, I began to feel like I was losing on something in life I couldn't put my finger on. I was living the hamster on a wheel life. A rat race. Constantly competitive till exhaustion. Pure stage Orange. Everything had to be the best. Perfectionist attitude. 

My body began showing signs of stress and internal resistance where I felt that I wanted a spiritual break from this rigmarole of job, money, job,money, status. I couldn't take it anymore. 

After I joined this forum 2 years ago, I fell into relationships, fell in love with a homeless man, denied by family and opposed them, decided to say just give up the whole "society slave, family puppet" identity. I didn't want to be this person who does everything that w everyone does. 

I wanted peace of mind. Some relax, some love, some hippie, so I turned to Stage Green and embodied it fully. I loved being this idealistic island escaper who lives on love and transcendence. 

But yesterday someone rocked my boat. You guessed it right. A family member. A call came in. And that person told me to get back up and start the rat race again and get a promotion or a new job that pays more more more!! 

After a tense confrontation I said OKAY. I WILL DO IT.

Now I'm torn. Because honestly it feels like I was selling my soul in my job. I still have this job. But I hate all this money making marketing, financial, capitalist, corporate culture and mentality. It's like prostituting my soul. I get it. I can do something that I love and still make money with it, but that's not the real issue. The job itself is not soul-eating but this stage Orange mindset that's eating my soul. This mentality and social mindset to work till death for success, to flaunt big cars and houses, to have a large bank account and phony relationships, to pretend like you're happy and be this puppet or prostitute that satisfies the big Pimp called society. Or else be left with no identity or get called a loser!

So honestly if I have to pick myself up by the bootstraps once again and start selling my soul for a better job, it feels like  someone would feel if they were to go back to Prostitution or selling crack on the streets. Become that slave again. Start the hustle again. But I don't want it 

I want a chill happy hippie spiritual life with a decent job and not this constant forever clout chasing where you always have to keep with others and maintain an image of success and sacrifice all personal and deep happiness or joy in lieu of it. 

Is this a problem with me or am I supposed to not think of spiritual stuff much or am I on the right path if I follow my spirit and not my HEAD. 

 

[Willie]

It’s your life. You decide how to live it.

[Leo Gura]

Life Purpose Course

[blandana]

I've experienced similar things.

You can be poor in life if you want to but that doesn't change who you are on the inside.

 

Edited October 24, 2020 by blandana

[Claymoree]

There is really no "one" answer to your question, but I would like to point out that in most cases  you do not have to do any of things that you listed to do your job, you can be yourself, enjoy it and not lose your dignity. 

 

[Preety_India]

22 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

What are some other things that you are good at that could make a decent amount of money on the side that might overtime take over what you're doing or planning on doing currently?

I'm currently doing a stock brokerage job and I'm doing fine with it, earning a decent amount which is enough for me as a single person. 

Now I understand that it's a kind of wage slavery but I don't have any entrepreneurial skills or the confidence to start my own business, nor the money to set up such a business. 

The thing is my life is kinda okayish with this job and I don't want to be super ambitious with money anymore. I have enough savings that I earned in the past during the high stress job years and these savings will last me a long time. 

I'm looking for spiritual growth in this current time because I don't want to lose any more time chasing the whole marketing /capitalist corporate model to make more money. 

I'm happy with my ordinary sustenance. It's my family that is not happy and pushing me to do more more, achieve more. 

I already did it for the past 7 years being the cash cow, even working while I was in college. 

Now I just want a life that is more enriching spiritually, where I can focus on meditation, mindfulness, creativity, consciousness work, something that I missed out on during the last 7 years because of my commitment to a career. 

I don't want that life anymore. I'm not demonizing that lifestyle, but I lost the pursuit for money. Now I think there are so many things that are more valuable than money and a career and my time now will be better spent investing in these spiritual life opportunities. 

My family however thinks that there is nothing like spirituality, to them the consciousness work is bogus and to them I should be working high end jobs making more money and living rich. They're rich themselves but I don't want to be a part of the same clout. 

I want my way. 

Because of them pressuring me, I sometimes wonder if I'm doing something wrong by not following their Stage Orange mentality. 

I don't want to wind up feeling like I did something wrong by following my heart and my core passion which is spirituality and consciousness. 

Now If I tell my family that I just want to live how I live and follow the road of spirituality and consciousness, they will laugh at me and ridicule me. 

I'm different from the rest of my family who are very stage Orange, they are all doctors and scientists and tech people in my family who work for big corporations. I am happy for them. But I don't want their life or income. They spend grand on vacations, they are usually stressed out and miserable from all the work. I abhor that. I am quite happy in my life, however they don't see me as content, they see me as a loser for not keeping up with them. 

So I'm kind of a stage Green hippie type person stuck in a successful stage Orange family. 

I'm happy with spirituality and Consciousness work and I don't want to go back to my Stage Orange lifestyle ever again. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

51 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Life Purpose Course

I already bought the Life Purpose Course 2 years ago. I went through it. It was helpful. But I kinda skimmed through it. Skipped a lot of exercises. 

 

[Eph75]

Is there's a part of you that want to have that job? ...that is, another part of you than the status hungry shadow aspect that is telling you that taking the job is the right/expected thing to do?

Is it possible to change how you relate to work, so that you connect to the parts of a/that job that can be fulfilling while still denying regression into the "hamster mode" , being run by money, status and external expectations and pressures? Instead of denying specific work, change the work-self dynamics at the core.

If there is no such appeal, and on the counter-balance side the expectations - shadow-internal  and/or external-cultural-society-family ones - what is it that make you consider this? 

The fear of becoming trapped as "a hamster" can hide, mask, take way positive and appealing aspects. 

We can still "do" and feel at peace, if we've changed the way we relate to things. 

Of course somes thing won't allow this internal synergy. 

What appeal is there that is tearing at your? 

Most important is to listen your intuition about this, and maintain authenticity and self-respect.

This is where knowing life purpose, vision and direction become very helpful - if alining and going in direction of, or straying away from or down-right counter-acting wanted outcomes. 

Edited October 24, 2020 by Eph75

[Gesundheit]

You can stop thinking about it and just work for no particular reason or purpose other than killing time.

[Preety_India]

@Keyhole  that's really great advice Keyhole. Thank you so much for taking out your time and giving such a thoughtful response. I really appreciate. 

[Vittorio]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

I already bought the Life Purpose Course 2 years ago. I went through it. It was helpful. But I kinda skimmed through it. Skipped a lot of exercises. 

 

Then you already pinpointed the issue and you now know what to do p.s. Two years ago you were a different person with different priorities. It is ok, if you skipped it

[Preety_India]

@modmyth I'm very close to my family. They are always in direct contact with me. My mom often comes and stays at my place or my siblings visit me. I don't like their presence but I have to put up with them, it's also a social cultural thing, the families in my culture are very close and family influence in decision making is huge.

In fact most families in my culture are very tight knit and I'm thinking about distancing from my family as much as possible.. 

[Preety_India]

38 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

They're gaslighting you by having you believe that you aren't already successful

Absolutely agree. They always make me feel like a loser and no matter what I do, they are never happy. It's like I'm never up to their expectations. It's too hard sometimes. And a culture that literally worships family like a religion, it's very hard to separate and break off. 

Always in some ways I've become codependent on my family for emotional support. It feels like if I completely break off, I will end up very alone. 

You're right that I feel trapped. And I'm trying to rebel against their expectations. 

Although thats a difficult process. 

[Gesundheit]

53 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

@Preety_India 

Here's a question for you, if you were everything that they expected you to be and they told you that you weren't would you know the difference?  Who's to say that isn't happening right now.

I can almost guarantee you that if you go and do everything that they want they will still keep you in that role, because that serves them more.

That's deep ??

[Hello from Russia]

I totally feel you about this banking job From what you've wrote it seems that answer is very obvious - just find and engineer the job that "Clicks" for you and is compatible with your new values and everything else you have going in your life. It is not a super easy process (although it might be an easy one) but it is definitely worth it.

Edited October 24, 2020 by Hello from Russia

[Brittany]

"flaunting a big car/house, having a phony relationship, being super ambitious with money, chasing the capitalist corporate model"

"being called a loser"

Whose voice is this?

I am playing the devil's advocate to the whole "become an entrepreneurship/social media influencer or you are a wage slave" bandwagon. 

Working for a corporation is often a living hell. 

BUT

A Stage Purple person would be able to have ecstasy and bliss while even washing toilets for 8 hours.

This is what is getting lost in the "Wage Slave' discussions.

A Stage Purple person could be a "Wage Slave" and transform the entire corporation with their presence and influence. 

This is what I found interesting about Benjamin Smythe. He could have been making major $$$ as a spiritual teacher, if he went into the spiritual influencer route. But he turned his back on that and kept working at a local bike shop probably making minimum wage. 

Spiritual Growth does not mean being an entrepreneur or retired monk who lives in an aesthetically pleasing location haha

Spiritual Growth is when "wherever you are, heaven is"...whether on an island meditating all day or washing toilets in a city for rich people.

Edited October 24, 2020 by Brittany

[Michal__]

14 minutes ago, Brittany said:

"flaunting a big car/house, having a phony relationship, being super ambitious with money, chasing the capitalist corporate model"

"being called a loser"

Whose voice is this?

I am playing the devil's advocate to the whole "become an entrepreneurship/social media influencer or you are a wage slave" bandwagon. 

Working for a corporation is often a living hell. 

BUT

A Stage Purple person would be able to have ecstasy and bliss while even washing toilets for 8 hours.

This is what is getting lost in the "Wage Slave' discussions.

A Stage Purple person could be a "Wage Slave" and transform the entire corporation with their presence and influence. 

This is what I found interesting about Benjamin Smythe. He could have been making major $$$ as a spiritual teacher, if he went into the spiritual influencer route. But he turned his back on that and kept working at a local bike shop probably making minimum wage. 

Spiritual Growth does not mean being an entrepreneur or retired monk who lives in an aesthetically pleasing location haha

Spiritual Growth is when "wherever you are, heaven is"...whether on an island meditating all day or washing toilets in a ghetto city for rich people.

*stage turquoise

Idk if turquoise people would have that much mindfulness all the time.

Stage turquoise ≠ enlightened

[Brittany]

I agree with you. haha 

[ajai]

@Preety_India First of all, dont become a puppet of someone else if you are happy and satisfied with your job and earning it's enough, meanwhile you can take time out and search for avenues that will suit your lifestyle, being in the same rat-race once again will not just make things more worse but will also suck a lot of time and development wise you'd probably be the same.

So take some time out and set a short term goal to first find something (a job with a good lifestyle) that you can cling to, to pursue whatever you wanna do.

And as far as Orange/Green is concerned, don't be too rigid just play amongst all stages being strictly into a particular stage won't get the job done in the fish market, u see?  just be flexible enough to make transition through them all in accordance to what you need in practical life, "it's all about the interplay".

Be patient, don't consider anything or lead onto some conclusion just by mere knee-jerk reaction, it's your life not your parents' they have already lived theirs, and you are witness of it.

Yes there are Trade offs one has to make in life in various situations, but Trade offs shouldn't mean to let anybody cut your neck off as some chicken's in butcher shop.

Edited October 24, 2020 by ajai

[mandyjw]

@Preety_India Just a thought, do you have any creative, artistic outlets? One thing I've noticed is that a huge percentage of women on the path seem to have a deep inherent need to make stuff and create. Even if it's not a source of income, it's there and it can lead to other things. If you're not making time for it it can really cause you to resent your job or any other mundane or everyday duties in life. 

If this resonates let me know, cause I can suggest some other resources.