• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Keyhole

  • Rank
    - - -

Personal Information

  • Gender
  1. Spent a good four hours on it today! My routine has not been perfect, it will take some time, but I am happy with today's progress. For this, I got the bottom portion finally covered in magazine pieces that are colour appropriate, I added some texture to the bottom right, a wee bit to the left and what can't be seen is the black face, I thinned and smoothed out some of the white lines on that.
  2. I got my list made for the day - detailed it and will add on as I need to - it includes everything that, if I follow it for the next year before my family retires I will: Be in shape, healthy body, have completed art projects, have a trained dog, good skin, have managed daily responsibilities, healthy diet, good posture, emotionally calm(ish) And then after that hopefully ready to return to work. I am worried about this, I hope my family is able to retire in a year like they wanted to, will have to see how all this effects the economy. Note: use 5x's a day to recenter and also when new schedule feels boring, exhausting, or whatever.
  3. This is really good. @modmythJust found them this week and I love them. Have not listened to an album that well put together in a while, really took me places. Was it the covid outbreak that had them on your mind or just because?
  4. I doubt it. I saw somewhere that one way to debunk a conspiracy theory is that if what is being proposed will cause potential harm to the rich and powerful then it is most likely not true. They aren't gunna spread a virus around because there is no way to ensure that they themselves will not catch it.
  5. What would you do if your soul was at home Crying all alone on the bedroom floor 'cause she's hungry And the only way to feed her is to sleep with a man for a little bit of honey And her mind is gone, in and out of lock down I ain't got a job now, busy smoking pot now So for you this is just a good time, but for me this is what I call life. Keys: A memory of sexual abuse returns (not recently) - not understanding sexuality - intense pain, pleasure and shock. A spiritual experience, and I felt love through it. Eventually the love from God, mixed with the act in complete darkness became all that I wanted. Searched for God and for that love - pined and lamented more often than not. Music brought the memory back. I don't know who did it. Chronic daydreaming - a lifelong infatuation with men, afraid to approach - when interacting treated as an object by all of them, even kind ones. A split, that shows up under sever stress and when intoxicated. A black/brown out. Have woken up crawling out of ditches, nearly going home with strangers, walking along the highway, running for miles down a dark path - it rarely happens, but I am no longer "there" when it does and cannot control my actions. Cover it up so well it happened after a job interview one time and I was hired to be a manager. Get into the same space about 25-50 percent during intercourse. The split is where spiritual phenomena come through. Ruminations are where delusions come through. I keep trying to reenact similar steps that got me to an egoless state. Matt Kahn says to sit back and let God come through from within a meditative space, and just live life from that place until it happens but I don't trust that if I "let it go" that God would ever be there for me. I am tentative of the changing process. I need to fix myself. How to do so: Pray, meditate and offer love. Forgiveness. Remember that it is all a story, that goes on infinitely. Accept that your obvious retardation comes from "God's will" and "love" because God is a sadist. Love yourself, dumbass. Borderline/Narc relations = abuse by the Narc. Borderline/Codep relations = abuse by the Borderline. Borderline/Normie relations = doesn't happen because the BPD person runs - not interested in relations with healthy folks. *sigh* Come out of your shell. Take other's views on what love should be with a grain of salt. You are your own authority. Who's will do you work for? The Devil - it sneaks up on me. I wanna surrender to God but I can't sit still long enough gat dammit.
  6. @Preety_India I would, with all my heart, advise you to do so. Men like that will mess with the chemicals in your brain by being nice and then cruel. Like Pavlov's dogs - intermittent reinforcement - it can be very hard to cut them out cold turkey, but trust me when I say this, he doesn't love you and he doesn't care and he will not change and it is not your fault, there is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing that you could have done. The game was rigged against you from the start. They always try to reel a victim in after they kick them down or if they feel that they have let the person go. This guy suggests the best thing you can do is heal yourself. When you start to heal and detach he will show his true side again. Observe this interaction between Onision and an ex. You see it? It's the same thing. Run girl.
  7. Sounds like my ex, only I was with him on and off for ten years and it destroyed my personality to a point where I will never be able to trust a man again. My solid advice is to stay away from this person 100 percent cold turkey. They will never leave your life unless you do first and they always pull the victim card. People like that can ruin your life if you don't cut them out, take that seriously. Let him suffer over it and then move on, you're worth more than ever giving someone like that an afterthought.
  8. I feel conflicted. Someone suggested this show to me, haven't watched it yet - reviews sound like it could be good... I relate to sex being a grounds in which for a short time I felt equal to other people - when you're "different" often time it is the only activity in which someone can see you for who you are. Self-love and acceptance is the key.
  9. @flowboy Yeah, for a while on and off - I helped him through getting clean from drugs, but he was naturally all over the place. Five years ago he wanted to reunite and get together but I looked online and noticed he had a wife and new kid so I never spoke to him again. He's got three now. I bet that whole family has herpes.
  10. Note: if you remember it as a seed that is growing inside your chest, that needs to be watered - you will feel it, energy block, a ball. Note - take notes on these three l8r
  11. Haven't found something I've enjoyed this much in a while.
  12. There are some interesting viewpoints I want to explore. Growing a seed. I feel it in the center of my chest. This is the cutest animal I have ever seen. Visiting family tomorrow. Note to self - don't smoke before hand.
  13. This might be one of the most unique and adorable animals you have never heard of. It is called a prehensile-tailed porcupine. Bushdogs! Striped hyena