Is it really that bad to save sex for marriage? (Non-Religious)

[Shir]

11 hours ago, Sleyker said:

Well, it's your choice at the end of the day...

Careful though, what if you marry a guy and you don't enjoy having sex with him? Or he doesn't enjoy having sex with you?

Sex before marriage for me is super important, if I marry a girl, I gotta LOVE the way we have sex.

@Sleyker It certainly and is most definitely MY CHOICE, yes indeed. 

I have absolutely no worries about marrying a man that I don't enjoy sex with nor the opposite - I know exactly how to commincate my needs and what I desire and can gage rather well on sexual chemistry tbh. I also know what I bring and can bring to the table and have no worries about no man (that I desire and want) - not enjoying sex with me. 

What you do in your life is what matters and I respect what you feel is best for you.

[Shir]

8 hours ago, K Ghoul said:

I'm gonna propose a theory and I'm only half-joking, I really do think it might actually be true lol 
I think that some time ago some horny men came up with this idea of women having sex with men before marriage, and pushed this idea towards women until it became a norm; this way men could save money on prostitutes, and have all the sex that they want for free, obligations/commitment free! Paradise! lol The only missing piece of this puzzle is how did women fall for it?!

@K Ghoul YES GIRL AND THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shir]

6 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

You will anyway

Absolutely never. I know what I'm wroth. You're welcome to get used for sex though - if you're that convinced. 

6 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

Yes you absolutely do

Never in a million years - utterly gross & vile. @Arcangelo

[Shir]

@K Ghoul

5 hours ago, K Ghoul said:

On 8/11/2020 at 5:49 AM, Shir said:

> Birth Control 

Condoms 

On 8/11/2020 at 5:49 AM, Shir said:

-> Preventing pregnancy OUT of wedlock 

Condoms 

On 8/11/2020 at 5:49 AM, Shir said:

-> Preventing STD'S & STI'S 

Condoms 

On 8/11/2020 at 5:49 AM, Shir said:

-> Spiritual ties 

Condoms 

Sorry, condoms can tear and are NOT 100% full proof - against getting pregnant and against preventing any and all STD's and STI's. Spiritual ties are stronger and condoms aren't a barrier for real - as far as I've read/heard. The first 2 reasons are way more important to me though. 

[Shir]

5 hours ago, Roy said:

Gotta test drive the car before you buy it.

Anything else is pure stupidity.

@Roy You're saying women are OBJECTS - shame on you. I sincerely mean it - You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself for saying such and utter nonesense. There's a difference between saying well, I'd rather have sex before marriage because I want to see if we're compatible blah blah blah...then to make such a degrading analogy between woman, HUMAN BEINGS, to cars.

Oh and guess what?

I'd never test drive your dick,

Literally not worth it. 

[Shir]

4 hours ago, Roy said:

It would be equally unwise for a woman to say yes to a marriage proposal from a virgin man.

I'd RATHER have that than another jerk that makes a stupid, childish and immature analogy between women and cars. Bring on the virgin man!  @Roy

[Shir]

@dinone

2 hours ago, dinone said:

I'm not religious. But with age, I think you're right. I see more and more men and women who are dissatisfied no matter how many partners they have, especially a wrong comparison. Build a house from scratch. Not on other ruins.

Thank you ! I appreciate it  I totally agree and I wish more people understood what you're saying. 

[Roy]

6 hours ago, Shir said:

You're saying women are OBJECTS - shame on you.

No, you're just interpreting it that way. Like I said it goes both ways, nowhere did I imply that the analogy went only male > female. You are just assuming that because of a bias female POV.

You know analogies aren't meant to be taken literally right?

[Shir]

1 hour ago, Roy said:

No, you're just interpreting it that way. Like I said it goes both ways, nowhere did I imply that the analogy went only male > female. You are just assuming that because of a bias female POV.

You know analogies aren't meant to be taken literally right?

@Roy NO, you don't get to tell people "how to interpret things "properly" - take some damn responsibility for your shitty AND dumb, old fashioned analogies. I'm the last woman on earth that would ever listen to a man who thinks "I'm not taking things right" when he goes around spewing such and utter nonesense. I stand my ground, you should be damn ashamed of yourself. 

I would NEVER tell a man that "I need to test drive him before I X/Y/Z him" - what in the actual hell is wrong with you? I don't care that you said "it goes both ways" - NEVER DEGRADE A WOMAN NOR A MAN TO OBJECTS.

Obviously analogies aren't meant to be taken literally since anyone who is logical KNOWS a person is not a CAR - but you cannot go and degrade and belittle human beings by making ANALOGIES between them and objects. That's freaking wrong. 

You said you would like a daughter right?

Next time you actually do, tell her she's a car. A car men need to test. And, if she's not good enough - that's okay, because other men can test her too. Every man on the steet can test her. You're just an object sweetie, for the sexual pleasure of men. It's okay. Don't cry, maybe you'll be a good enough car for other men next time. You should objectify your body like a good, good car for them sweetie. 

You don't have the balls to ever tell a precious daughter shit like that - So do me a favor and NEVER spew such nonsence ever again. 

Edited August 12, 2020 by Shir

[Roy]

You're being quite uncharitable but that's ok. I'm sorry you feel this way, I wish you the best.

[soos_mite_ah]

I'm also thinking about waiting for sex. Not til marriage, but until I find someone I really like and get into a long term relationship with them for a number of months. My reasons are the following. 

• My period is super irregular. I know that things like condoms and birth control, though highly effective, are not 100% guaranteed to protect against pregnancy. If anything goes wrong, I won't be able to tell until its like 2 months later. Or my period might come late and I'll have a false alarm. Either way, an orgasm isn't worth the anxiety especially if it's with someone who I don't care for like that. 
• I know that I'm the type of person that sees sex as an emotional experience that can be used to deeply connect to people. I wouldn't go as far to say that it is sacred and I fully understand and support people who don't see sex as a big deal. But I do recognize that I am not one of those people and I'm willing to do what is right for me and what is true to my needs. 
• Also I feel like, at least for me personally, that it would be difficult to have really good sex unless you know someone really well. I feel that in order to be vulnerable, there needs to be a large degree of trust and emotional intimacy that needs to be established, even outside of the bedroom. Especially outside of the bedroom. 
• As far as sexual compatibility before marriage, I personally don't see it as a deal breaker but I can understand how for some people, physical intimacy plays a role in feeling connected to your partner. Honestly, I might be a little weird when it comes to this but if I had a partner who wasn't getting his needs sexually met, I wouldn't mind if he got those needs met outside of the relationship (after letting me know) granted those relations are mainly physical and not emotional and both parties are being safe. I don't think it's cheating as long as there is consent involved. 

I consider myself pretty open when it comes to sex. I don't mind talking about it and I want to try a variety of things but I want to make sure it's with the right person. I don't think sex is a big deal, not in a sense where its like *sex isn't a big deal just go sleeping around stop making it something that is sacred* but in a sense where regardless of your preference do you, and do what feels right for you granted you aren't hurting anyone. 

[Jacob Morres]

 

17 hours ago, K Ghoul said:

Let's imagine a scenario where you have a daughter. Does the idea of your daughter getting tested thrill you? And by the time she reaches her husband

the women is also testing the man in many cases and on many other things. if she isn't the wtf she's about to roll the die and pray to god her needs will be met. i mean if the sex bad asf 2-3x in a row and sex is important to you, imo that's a good thing to not take that relationship as seriously. especially if other needs arent being met either 

testing if a women meets your sexual needs doesn't mean he's treating her like an object

treating her like an object is a very specific thing, it's a distinction where the guy doesn't care about the girl's feelings or interests (which is a universal, excess stage orange (or red) phenomena that occurs in both men and woman and in also many other areas of life (business, relationships, parenting, friendships, government etc.) 

Edited August 12, 2020 by Jacob Morres

[mandyjw]

Women most certainly do the test drive thing too. Sometimes to see how caring/selfish a guy is when his guard is down. 

Some people have personalities where they want their relationships to be for life, they are highly sensitive that way. Sex means nothing to some and it's a really big deal to others. Do what feels right for you and forget what other people think is good or bad. 

[Danioover9000]

   However, all this is relative to karmic baggage, the development of the psyche, and the needs of different people. You can only speak for yourself in your first post, but not about another woman's sexuality. In fact, women are more sexually powerful than men, as they can have multiple types and degrees of orgasms compared to men. I'd suggest to maybe explore more of your sexuality instead of resisting and suppressing it, because suppression will be very costly later to your life. 

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

I can give you a male perspective on this one.

You can never be so sure. One of my friends is dating a highly religious girl. A hardcore christian you could say. She told him again and again that she wouldn't want to have sex before marriage. Guess what? They had sex after like three weeks.

The point is that you can never be too sure about what you want. Sometimes we think that we want "A" but then it turns out that it is "B" that we have been looking for all along. Could you have some alternate reasons? Some unconscious motives? If a girl I was dating said she would want to wait until marriage I honestly wouldn't believe her.

But that's probably just the impression that society has given me. Most girls I have met so far were pretty fake and not really my type.

My personal opinion, if you mean what you say: I would really respect it if a girl told me that she would want to wait until marriage. I personally can't respect women that don't have any respect for themselves. See, if a girl told me she would want to wait, the amount of respect I have for her would probably increase by quiet a lot. I like women that know what they want. I have met a lot of girls I could have had sex with, but I never did, because I had little respect for them. I am still saving myself for the right girl. I'd actually be happy to meet a girl that was doing the same thing. At the same time I wouldn't want a girl that was insecure/closed up/ashamed of her sexuality either. She should be open about this kind of stuff. It's simply a matter of self-worth for me.

Society and all those "cheap" girls (sorry if that sounds kind of mean, but that's just how I see them) I have met, have kind of shattered this picture for me though. So I have a hard time believing that I could ever find a girl like that.

[soos_mite_ah]

@DefinitelyNotARobot I feel like what you're describing has more to do with someone sticking to their boundaries, knowing what they want, and being rock solid/ self assured rather than waiting for sex (even though that is one of the places where you can observe someone sticking to boundaries or lack thereof)

To me those girls don't sound fake, but rather unsure of what they want and willing to waver. And when you don't stick to something and take it seriously, other people around you won't take things as seriously. 

"Cheapness" in a way has more to do with your lack of ability to stick to your boundaries and enforce them rather than  where those boundaries lie in the first place. 

 

But don't get me wrong, I don't think there is anything wrong with changing your mind about something. However, changing your mind on something should be done if you genuinely want to change for yourself rather than changing for the sake of other people. 

Edited August 13, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

@soos_mite_ah Yeah I mean I am obviously biased in a few ways. I'm not blaming them. As you've pointed out, those girls are fake, not because of some malicious intent. It's just their lack of introspection/self-reflections/awareness. I speak from experience when I say that a lack of proper self-worth comes from ignorance.

Neither am I blaming cheap girls. I mean they are living the life that they want to live, so that's fine with me. It's just that I don't want to participate in that life.

And that's the problem that I have often encountered. I am not sure if it's because of us men though. Perhaps most girls who say that they would like to wait but end up having sex anyways do so because they feel "forced" by their partners. Like their relationship depends on it. Can't blame them for that.

Or maybe it's just because I am a man and I'm more likely to run into girls that have a slightly more open attitude towards men. I mean I doubt that a shy girl that would like to reserve herself would participate in the dating game.

It's just that I wouldn't give anybody the respect that they won't give themselves. I wouldn't expect a girl to respect me if I am too needy for example. It's karma. Expect to receive the respect you are willing to give to yourself. I guess I just tend to determine a persons self-respect by correlating what they say and how they act.

[soos_mite_ah]

@DefinitelyNotARobot In addition to women who want to wait but then give in because they don't want to uphold their boundaries, I would also add another group of women who feel the need to put up this front to wait longer because society as a whole does not respect women who want to sleep around. Either way, its about people not being true to themselves and has less to do with where those boundaries are at and more to do with executing those boundaries. Some women want to wait and some want to sleep around. Either way its fine and self respect has to do with honoring what is authentic to you. 

I can see how waiting can garner more respect especially considering that its difficult to keep up and stay dedicated to. But at the same time staying dedicated to something is the quality that is more respected rather than the decision itself if that makes any sense.

16 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

I just tend to determine a persons self-respect by correlating what they say and how they act.

I think this is a pretty healthy attitude to have but I would just be wary of judging women especially in this regard because of the context in which women's sexualities tend to be scrutinized by society as a whole. I'm not saying that's what is happening, I'm saying to take that part into consideration as well. 

[universe]

On 11.8.2020 at 4:49 AM, Shir said:

I am denying my own sexual needs, wants and desires in saving sex for marriage.

 

 

Quote

Would LOVE to hear your thoughts !

Especially from the Men on here. 

 

It's your choice. I'm not going to comment on it because it seems you are pretty clear on this one.

You seem to be interested to understand why people find it odd. So here is my attempt to explain the men's perspective.

Many man will be very frustrated with your decision. Because sex is so important for them. If they tell you they find it odd you don't want to have sex before marriage, they tell you that because they don't like your decision. And that is their way of telling it to you.

Now it's really difficult for a woman to understand the men's perspective, so let's try a little example. I'm not saying it's a comparible example but maybe it helps you to feel into this.

Let's just assume that woman want emotional intimacy with a man. Now picture a man who only wants to talk about his feelings after marriage. Before that, he will talk about his day, listen and explains things. But he will never say a word about how he feels. (You could add further that he would never ask her about her feelings as well).

See how some woman would react to this guy?

Of course there are also man who don't find sex as important or who want to wait until marriage. ❤️

[Shir]

6 hours ago, Roy said:

You're being quite uncharitable but that's ok. I'm sorry you feel this way, I wish you the best.

@Roy You were uncharitable the moment you made an analogy between women and cars and literally called every other reasoning stupid.

I don't take that shit lightly. 

Maybe you should start taking your own advice for once and not be uncharitable yourself? What a thought.