Shir

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About Shir

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  1. @Gili Trawangan Thank you for your insight, Gili...I really appreciate it! It has helped me some, right now. I agree that things are broken. I'm just sadly that type of person that even when they're really hurt and or broken myself, I still feel the need to make things right and feel guilty and uneasy to have wronged someone even though in most cases I was more wronged than not. I understand now that maybe I don't have to do that all the time anymore. I think as you said that I should just let it go and leave it at that...Thank You for the wonderful advice! Thank you! Good luck to you too <333
  2. Thank you everyone for helping me in my previous situation. It has helped to give me come clarify. Sadly things took a turn and an outburst of emotions happened. I want to be clear that I am not proud of the way I've dealt with it 100%, hence why I feel the need to ask how to move forward from this situation. Long story short - to those that maybe have read my previous situation with said man - and to those that have not... We fell into a fight and harsh words have been said, in my opinion from both sides. It feels too painful to get into the words that have been said towards me, as I thought we had an amazing connection but I was left shocked and very badly hurt by a person whom I thought cared and loved me and that has claimed to adore me. He has also admitted to emotional cheating and proudly flaunting how the woman is far better than I am, shamelessly feeling the need to say that. What I wanted to bring up is MY response to the way he treated me. I lost my cool and said harsh things, which again I am very much not proud of and I've never said such things in life, at least not to this extent. In the heat of the moment, they felt very justified and I did not regret it. Looking back right now, a day plus after...I am left baffled with myself as to how to move forward and what to say. I feel uneasy. Like a bad person. What I told him was that I hate him and that I wish he and I had never met. And other things, but these were the pain 2 things that have stuck with me. In my heart, I feel bad for saying them right now. I really do. I have a desire to go back and apologize for them, because life is short and I realize that. However, there's another part of me that's SO hurt, to the point where even if I do go ahead and apologize - I would ALSO honestly feel like I am hurting myself, if that makes sense. In a way, betraying that part of me that's so hurt by this man. I would like to preference this and say I am THAT person that apologizes too much, to the point where people have always told me to stop and that I'm fine and that I should apologize less... I am honestly lost on if I should just, literally, leave this alone and what ever happens happens or if I should apologize. On an emotional-spiritual level I am not proud of my actions however I do feel that I have been very much wronged and emotionally and mentally abused by this man. Before this huge argument, I have put up boundaries in order to let him know that his actions are NOT okay and have asked to be treated better however he has not only ignored my words but has processed to ignore but also belittle and mock them, claiming he doesn't feel like he's done anything wrong. Needless to say that that got me emotional as I felt very poorly treated and an argument insued and so this situation has come to be. He was the one to say goodbye and cut ties with me and so my words that were said above, were my response to THOSE words as well as his harsh words...and by me saying "goodbye" to end them. He has read everything and has said "bye" instead of goodbye again (is that an indication that he secretly doesn't want it to actually be a goodbye?. Please let me know if I should apologize or not at all because this has been weighing on my heart at the same time that I am in pain because of him.
  3. Thank you for this... I know I'm not the OP but this has personally helped me right now because I thought it wasn't as common.
  4. @Dlavjr Hey there! Thank you for taking the time to read my post and commenting - I appreciate your thoughts. To be honest, I feel a little relieved after reading your comment right now and seeing someone else saying I shouldn't bother with the situation. I think it's helped calm be down some and for that I wanted to say - Thank You. It's been really weighing on my heart the past few days and I finally realized I should just let it go because it's a waste of my time really. I did take the take to ask him if he's okay since he's been gone which is very much also unlike him not to answer or respond back at all - so there's only so much someone can do and I've expressed my concern and I'll just leave it at that. So if he doesn't care to respond back to genuine concern then so be it. I agree that it seems we both want different things, I think it's just hard when feelings are involved, you know? If it were just the case of us wanting different things and there were no feelings whatsoever, I know I would have walked away a long time ago. I do agree that I seem to be in a better head space "without him" and I think what confused me was him helping me out and being an emotional support to me which I think was lovely and really needed but I understand it's not something guaranteed or even mandatory so to speak (despite the fact that I'd drop things and do the same for him and others if need be but that's a different story I guess). I agree with working on the jealousy thing, yes. I will admit I have gotten to a point in my life where I am honestly grateful and thankful to be single. Which might seem odd to say considering I was never in a relationship but I think it just finally dawned on me that I should appreciate being single rather than complain or feel down for being single/not having a romantic partner...so I totally get where you're coming from when you mentioned that I should be independent and not need someone - which is sooo true. I think it's so much more peaceful to stop chasing after men and just...do me. Stop with all this nonsense. And thanks for saying that men who have their shit together, don't need to think about sex all the time...it's so tiring tbh like I am honestly tired talking about sex. Nothing wrong with it in general so to speak but I want more substance. I think you're right, he's probably releasing all that pent up urges and frustration through sex which yeah now that I think about it, makes sense. I really needed to hear this! Thank You. This is honestly perfect. YES.
  5. @flume Hey there! Thank you for taking the time to read my post and commenting - I appreciate your thoughts. It's true, I really am not up for a loose relationship at all (in general and not just in this situation alone). It's just very very odd because they're feelings involved in both sides (at least that's what it seems) and at the same time he doesn't care to treat me as a friend (which I asked in order to be better about things) and so I was lost and then processed to ask you guys yeah... I think I was actually respectful when I asked for my terms because I think men are capable of not talking about sex for 2 seconds, sorry but I hold onto that. I let that go because he couldn't respect that boundary sadly. As for my second term, I agree it may be too tailored but I think so far he's been respecting it but on the inside I am constantly "scared" he'd bring something up like that which I know he CAN but I don't feel good about that. I totally get you though...that he doesn't essentially owe me any emotional support, which is tough to hear. But I get it yes. I'm just a very supportive person emotionally to many people no matter what and so I forget that not everyone is like that. Like they say, not everyone has a heart like you do. You'd be surprised how hard it is to find a good man in my area lol but thank you for the positivity! And tbh? I have NO idea how to even begin to work on my jealousy...it isn't a big thing day to day but more so has to do with men if that makes sense? It's the type that just eats you up inside. I know it stems from insecurities (maybe??) but idk tbh. Good question though - I think I do have insecurity and abandonment issues...that's probably what I'm afraid of!
  6. @The Don Whoaaa!!! This is so insane because this is how I FEEL a woman right now that's 27! Although I have gotten to these feeling in a different way (not by meditating - more so in Therapy, by depression)...I have also come to feel like my desires for romantic relationships have died, or at least gone away. Keep in mind, I have never been in a real romantic relationship and so that may be different to your situation but the feelings are very similar if not identical, in my opinion at least. I also enjoy spending time alone to the point where even if I don't go out with friends for a whole year, I'm fine with that completely. You could say that the lack of desire for romantic relationships have essentially "bled" in friendships as well then. Sadly, like you...I think about the future and feel deep sadness by being alone to the point of not having a Husband and kids ? I too don't understand what to do with these feelings really. It scares me because I was never this person growing up and suddenly like an opinion, all these layers of feeling and lost desires were revealed to me.
  7. So, long story short - would love to hear your thoughts on this situation. I Just really need to get this off my chest - There's this man I've been talking to the past hmm...I think about 5 or so months? We seem to have had an instant connection the moment we found one another and although it was based on "sexual" talk at first, I grew very fond of him and care for him. I'm someone that gets easily jealous, especially when it comes to a man I feel attracted to and genuinely care for so needless to say, I really do have a tough time with him talking about other women. We're not exclusive so of course he has every right to and I know I have no say in this for lack of better words - but in my heart it honestly does get to me. He's someone that's basically single and divorced and according to him, after being with the same Lady for 20 years, this is his time to be free and have fun with women...which I understand. Also, I never asked him to be single for me either. I have expressed my genuine feelings of me being fond of him and we have both shared our love for one another. He knows I get jealous and I have asked multiple times of him to NOT speak or mention other women because it tears me up inside. But, something happened... In July, I was having a bad day emotionally and was trying to seek comfort in him. Right when I was about to message him, I saw that he had already texted me. A pic. I opened the pic and it was a semi revealing pic of him but what really got me was that I immediately noticed that a 1/3 of the pic, contained someone beside him, laying in bed, Basically, another Lady laying beside him and her not knowing she was part of the pic at all. I got VERY angry and pissed because I was clear about how I felt for him and although he knows this, he disrespected my wishes by sending this AND acting all innocent about it like "what's the problem?" and in my mind, thinking I would be too dumb to notice. Needless to say, being how upset I already was from the day - I couldn't keep my cool at all and felt so disrespected that I had to let him know about it. He was very taken aback and we fought. He seemed very cold and I wasn't feeling heard nor understood so when the conversation essentially ended, I felt in my heart that I didn't want to speak to him every again. And so, I didn't text him at all and we went without talking for a whole entire month. I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel better - because I did, and suddenly I felt more at peace despite the situation and how it ended. I felt like I could breath. Fast forward, he messaged me a while later and apologized. For some reason, it felt heartfelt to me and I agreed to talk to him despite me (before) wanting to never speak to him again. I felt like we melted into each other and couldn't let go. I however said I had very specific terms that I wanted to share and they were A) no sexual talk whatsoever because I feel very used, disrespected by him because of it and B) No talk of other women whatsoever. None. Zero. I want to hear none of it. He at first said he'll try and see how it goes but apparently it got to him because even before NOT trying it, he had already gotten back to me about 2 weeks later and said nope, not for him and he wishes me well...basically "breaking up with me". I was mad as hell because this is a person that always said how much he wanted me in his life forever and always begged me not to leave him and yet I AM THE ONE getting broken up with when he never tried for ME? Needless to say I was beyond furious. After we fought, I felt at peace for a split second because I thought wow so is that how that is? Fine, I'm better off alone. But then, somehow...in the heat of the moment we managed to mend the connection and now we're talking. In a way, we started talking sexually (gradually!) and it seemed like I was semi okay with it not being on my terms in that regard. I had a really, really rough day a week plus ago and was so upset that I thought even he couldn't really help me and I even warned him that I might disappear for a few days because I was honestly having a very hard time, emotionally. He very much surprised me and was there for me and honestly somehow made me feel better and made me laugh and I was so surprised I even managed to have him and feel better, kinda. He kept being lovely to me for a few days after that and I felt like we were closer than ever, on a much more well rounded scale. Then suddenly, after one really lovely chat, the next day he suddenly sent me really degrading sexual messages that were honestly not only uncalled for but felt really hurtful, especially him not even asking if I was in the mood or not before even sending everything. I was too shocked to full on get angry with him and so questioned him about it and he seemed more carefree and unbothered by saying he's just in the mood and that "I should just let him be". Despite us continuing to talk, this whole thing made me feel some type of way because just when I thought wow here's this amazing man that has my back, he goes around and does this. Needless to say that really made me feel some type of way to a point where I decided that I'd rather he not hear or have me at all till I felt like it. I disappeared for 2 days and it was bliss. I then felt the need to at least say hello and we did talk after those couple of days but since my sleeping hasn't been too good and so I felt asleep and still felt some type of way about things and so we didn't talk for another 2 days. Now, I messaged him yesterday and he has seen my texts which were tbh very friendly and loving but he has not respond at ALL which is very much not like him. This never happened. I have been feeling uneasy about this and it dawned on me that despite all of this (good and bad) - ever since July, every time I think of HIM...what immediately flashes in my mind is that ONE dumb pic he said of him laying next to another Lady in bed and him acting all dumb about it like he never thought I'd notice ect. I honestly cannot even think of him without thinking of that pic and it hurts me inside despite knowing that he and I aren't exclusive. I don't know what to feel anymore because if he were to act as a genuine FRIEND than honestly there should not be ANY sexual talk whatsoever. And me TRYING to establish that hasn't worked because he's too weak of a man and a person to fully respect my terms, especially about not talking sexually. On the other hand I feel my heart strings being pulled because he always says how much he wants me in his life and begs not to ever leave him and that he loves me. And, no matter what I honestly can NOT hear about other women - even though we're both "single" and he has every right to do whatever he likes, I'm too jealous to hold that space for him to hear about stuff like that because then I feel like I not only never enjoy the conversation, I walk away feeling hurt and cannot handle it no matter how hard I try. It honestly makes me feel some type of way. This has honestly taken a toll on my heart because on the one hand when I did feel bliss and peace over us "breaking up", but at the same token I do feel sad because he's the only male friend - more than a friend - man I have in my life. Without him, I would have no one to talk to when I was feeling very emotional and upset like I mentioned and he has surprised me the last time by being there for me and wanting to help me in my life. But, now no matter what - when I think about him, the pic flashes in my mind and I get internally upset and sad inside. I will mention because I think it may be asked - we have never technically slept together. What should I do? P.S - it would be so lovely to hear a man's perspective on this !!!!!! What's the game here really? What he hell is going on?
  8. Hey Everyone, I'd really sincerely appreciate anyone's thoughts and help if you would be so kind. I've been suffering from Depression & Suicidal thoughts for years now. Although I've been in Therapy for about almost 2.3 years, now that it's coming to an end...I feel that much more lost and depressed to begin with. I know my Therapist tried his best with me and so it isn't that I'm blaming him per se - I do take responsibility that this is possibly all on me. I have refused medication, and by being a Psych student feel like I get the jist of SSRI's and feel like it's an hopeless road to per take with them in my situation. I've been consumed with the feelings and thoughts of "I get the point of life, but I don't FEEL the point of life anymore". And, although I'm trying I cannot help but be struck at least 8 times a day with a sudden and overwhelming feeling of "I don't have the desire to live". for reference, I'm 27 and single and have lost any and all desires for a social life, lost any and all my desires for romantic relationships, lost my desire for marriage, lost my desire for kids and what seems to have kept me is the desire to accomplish my dreams career wise but now everything's crumbling and seems like it will never happen and everything else that's close to it, doesn't excite me and makes me feel like I'd be chasing something I never really wanted to begin with (as a plan B). I feel like the only thing that sparks my joy is barely keeping me here (dream career); it's hard but I just want to drop everything; school, career and feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I feel like even when I push myself and go out with friends, I do so more for THEM and inside I am miserable. I don't want to date and waste anyone's time because I just know inside how awful I'd feel. I try and push myself through school but truth be told after over 3 years now, I am honestly over it. I feel like everything I wanted in life is either no longer achievable or that the desires for all of those things have died in me. I feel so alone in all of this and it breaks my heart because I don't know what I can really do because all of my desires are gone essentially and it's hard just getting through a day. I cannot organically"fake" the desire for life, for lack of words right now. I feel like when someone's thirsty, yes they can replenish themselves with water...but I cannot seem to find how to replenish that lack of will to live, in me. I wish you all could understand (what I'm trying to convey with words) - the depth of pain it feels like to not be able to feel the desire to live and that everything that seems to make other ppl thrive and happy, are not able to do that for me anymore. It's horrible and I hope no one feels this way.
  9. @joeyi99 Oh you mean the deep thinkers? YES for sure!
  10. @Moon Hey girl!! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one that genuinely craves deep and thought provoking conversations with a partner. I'm sorry about what you're feeling and going through right now with yours - in all honestly if it isn't working ouy, please know you can do better by choosing to make yourself happy. I think it's healthy to leave something or a situation that doesn't serve you or meet up with your needs...just my 2 cents!
  11. @MAYA EL Aweee ! that's very sweet of you to share your 2 cents, I appreciate it It's honestly comforting hearing that from another man rather than me feeling this alone on the issue. Your wife is VERY lucky to have a gentleman such as yourself! the dating game total is too brutal and shallow imo so you really dodged it. Your reply also made me feel very validated - I really do need a mentality stimulated man or else I seem to fight with them per se because I get emotional and they cannot seem to handle it. It's funny because the ONLY man that seems to have captivated me in real life is my Therapist and he's super deep thinker, loving and it just hurts deep down because I know there is absolutely no chance with him (not to say there should be!!) but you get me. He has his flaws of course but somehow because I appreciate his depth of being, it makes me love him that much more. And, I totally get the free counselor part lol!!!
  12. @MsNobody Hey there! Thank you for your reply. Excellent question! I'm sorry to say they seem to not have a good relationship, no. Growing up in it I feel like I may have absorbed their negative feelings... I think they've sadly very much influenced my feelings towards marriage (on a personal level) aka not what I think other people do. This realization was something I only recently got the chance to understand and get a glimpse of, from Therapy. It's amazing how just one question made me think right now, because the very thought of relationships makes me feel emotionally suffocated and I want to be left alone and have peace of mind - something I feel I somehow absorbed from their relationship.
  13. @unborn_chicken WOW...this was such a read for me. Being a Lady at 27 I feel the same way about personally connecting with men ect. I have yet to find someone who keeps me interested enough and doesn't bore me...I just need the mental stimulation so badly that I honestly find more peace in being alone. IDK if that's sad but that's the honest truth. I wish I knew what to say to help but maybe you knowing the opposite sex suffers the same, can help lol. If I could, I'd love a man that could just talk about philosophy, art, spirituality and everything deep and meaningful. I'm really sick of men that seem to only hold the mental capacity to talk about dick and balls *sigh*
  14. First off, I know I know...have already posted something similar...however, I feel the need to make it more crisp on writing and ask for some advise since sadly Therapy is NOT helping on the issue. For reference, a Lady, 27, single and a virgin. Never been an in actual romantic relationships and the chances that came up - I thought were fruitful but they never came into actual fruition (things didn't work out, I was broken up with ect). To be honest, I'm grateful that everything turned out that way. It helped me understand what I'd really need in a partner (in general!) and what I don't want to settle for anymore and how I'd want to be treated ect. That being said, I'm at a point in my life where I honestly and whole heatedly feel an emotional aversion to even the notion of dating, men, romantic relationships...what have you. It's so hard to hold these feelings as they make me feel less of a woman and I feel alienated from the very notion of "normal" life in regards to the very basic thing of romance and marriage ect. It makes me feel like I have nothing to live for other that a career which at this point I feel like I'll never have my dream career or even get there and so all of this is weighing heavy on my heart. I've never felt this way until about a year-year and a half ago. These feelings came crashing on me all of a sudden and I feel emotionally suffocated at the very thought of being in a relationship. These feelings, have spilled into other areas as the idea of kids and even the very simple notion of dating itself. Mind you, I've NEVER dated before! Much less gone out on one date so I feel very odd to feel this way, especially at my age (where it seems like everyone has already experienced dating, marriage and even had a kid/s). I'm a VERY warm and social minded person (meaning, I don't mind being around people and my dream career has to do with taking care of people). I have no problem "being" social and being warm with men. And tbh? I feel like I get the point of relationships/marriage/kids ect but I don't FEEL the point anymore. It's really sad to feel this and I wish I knew a better way to articulate it but hopefully you guys get me, somehow. Also, I've noticed that after every online relationship ends - I feel RELIEVED. Like I can breathe again. It's shocking but even thinking about dating/men/relationships makes me tear up. Makes me honestly want to cry for how overwhelmingly sad it makes me feel deep inside (it conjours up sad feelings...not in a "why don't I have a bf?? way but rather THIS MAKES ME FEEL DEPRESSED TO EVEN THINK OF ANYTHING RELATIONSHIPS on a whole existential level!) In therapy, my therapist said he believes I hold a deep fear of dating/getting hurt and while that's true I wouldn't say that makes me entirely not want to date. What makes me not want to date is this very looming, doomed feeling that I wouldn't be HAPPY in a relationship. I honestly feel like I'd lie next to a partner in bed and just cry and feel all alone. It's a horrible, horrible feeling to carry. It doesn't help to have depression and feel suicidal either. The other reason he mentioned were not having healthy examples of a relationship in my life and for that I agree completely. I'm also someone that NEEDS mental stimulation or else I get bored tbh. And, I'm sick and tired of men my age (and older!) constantly talking about dick, balls and sex. I'm sexual inside and play along and believe me by NO means asexual but honest to God it's too much and I cannot deal with that nonsense anymore. It's honestly like men have forgot how to act unless they talk about dicks and it's beyond a turn off...just saying! And, I know no one's perfect but sadly the only man I truly am interested in DESPITE all of these crazy feelings is my therapist and off course he's off limits lmao. Long story short - I just wish I knew why I feel this way about relationships and what to do about it. Would love to hear your thoughts! Thank You. <3 EDIT - I don't know if this is important but I forgot to add on the social life. I've come to a point where I honestly feel no pleasure in going out with friends, this seems to have been a 2 year process in which these have become my honest feelings. It's nothing against them, purely my. At this point I only go out for THEM because I feel bad as a friend (I think I only go out maybe twice a year now). I don't feel like dressing up anymore to go out and be social and that was something I was really passionate about, as being a woman (getting dressed, dolling up) and now it feels emptyand I cannot wait to take everything off at the end. Looking at my watch, just waiting for the evening to end. So it seems like my aversion is in a sense also socially related but I thought maybe it didn't matter but also thought it wouldn't hurt to bring it up. It's just semi baffling for me because I'm naturally very social and welcoming and warm as a person and would do my best to help a stranger.