Shir

Hey Everyone! So, I GENUINELY would like to ask - how can one truly know if marriage is right for them? I realize that must be quite a loaded Q, with no short nor simple answer... However, what sparked this topic for me right now was today, coming across 2 old school friends on Facebook (women) (both of which are no longer my friends but I did become nostalgic and wanted to try and find them again) - Once I did luckily find them - I then realized...they both already got married. One, a year ago and the other even less than a year ago. Instead of being happy for them (I guess?) I couldn't help but feel a bit sad, like they and everyone else is moving forward in life and accomplishing big things. Like getting married. I immeditatly felt "...Oh." and got sad, like I was missing out on life so to speak. And, many of my other friends (facebook too lol, just other friends I've known over the years from school, uni, military ect) - it seems like even they, one by one, every single day I check in - have gotten married (maybe it's the age group? we're all 28). I just couldn't help but notice that. I fully understand and realize that I CANNOT truly know if a married couple is happy and for all I know, maybe they're all happy and maybe some are not. But, I just couldn't help but feel like literally EVERYONE is moving forward in life and I'm just...stuck behind. It just really promped me to question myself - is marriage even for me? I've never been in a relationship (romantically) (stuff didn't work out) and being single for 28 years...well, you know, it's all you really know. I'm used to it. I've lost the interest to date tbh, it just always seems like I'm never really good enough for anyone and feeling that over and over again is just tuly dishearting because the last thing I want to feel is feeling like I am not worthy enough of getting married - and truth be told I already do feel this way. It's just that I don't feel pretty enough right now, not accomplished enough in my studies and carrer, not where I want to be body image wise. I have NOTHING against better-ing myself aka getting fitter, accomplishing new goals and working on myself physically, mentally, emotionally ect...but, at this point I question if I am ever going to be ever enough already, as I am. It seems like I have to be full on so skinny, have perfect skin, perfect hair, so this amazing women with degrees upon degrees and a perfect carrer ect just to even get noticed. It would feel nice to feel enough for once, in my life. Just being me as I am already. And, I don't feel like I have really had positive role models for a healthy marriage to aspire to, if that makes sense. When I was in Therapy and my then Therapist discussed me losing the will to form romantic relationships (this has been going on for almost 3 years) - he actually felt and looked SO sad for me; genuinely in the verge of tears, for me. Saying he'd feel so sad for me if I gave up the oppurtunity to pursue that in life and strongly urged me to not give that up. But then I just feel in my day to day life...it feels nice to not get judged by a man and to feel like I can just "do me". I couldn't stand when a guy would constantly nag at me and ask "why aren't you going to the gym everyday??", "what are you doing today?", "where do you go for fun?", talking about their dick and balls, sex all the time, blah blah blah...I just feel like I want to lay in bed and do me and not have to answer to any man. As sad at that sounds. I guess I'm just feeling mixed emotions Would love to know your thoughts, if one can even know if marriage is right for them? I just feel like everyone is moving forward in life and I'm stuck feeling like "marriage is something that happens to other ppl, and not for me. I'm not good enough". *Sigh*. Thank you.

@Alfonsoo As long as you respect her bounderies and genuinely enjoy/love each other - you're fine. I don't see anything wrong here.

@Arcangelo You wish I was lmao, why are you so incredibly in disbelief? Woman can control their sexual urges and pick their sexual partners...it's literally not a big deal. Plus, it seems like you're making it seem wayyyyy more than it is - many people who are actually religious do the same, what's so groundbreaking for you to understand? I'll wait. And, I am so chill about this do idk why you're going out of your way to stay stuff about me when every single time I am very, very straightforward with you.

@Arcangelo How am I respressing my sexuality if I just said I could get sex right away, if I really wanted to? You seem awefully concerned about me respressing my sexuality when in fact I told you I feel so much more liberated denying my sexual wants/desires. If I could go back - I STILL would do the same. Even more so, tbh ! I don't cheat - that's a character issue, not a "I repressed my sexuality issue". People should be GROWN adults, and get divorced if they feel like they're about to cheat. My character is better than that, believe me. I look forward to giving my full sexuality to my (future) Husband.

@Arcangelo Awesome, good for you.

@Arcangelo You literally cannot pay me enough to get me to have one night stands lmao. I find them so incredibly gross, you have no idea... But hey, you do you ! And btw - I LOVE feeling this liberated and so called "repressing" my sexuality. I could go and have sex right now if I really wanted to - who's really being respressed here? Sure isn't me.

@Gesundheit I am very open, yes. Everyone has a lot to learn on any topic, let's be honest haha. Thank you for your honesty, I understand yes. I personally wouldn't say I want to have a marriage asap - if that were the case, I'd know I'm only rushing it for sex and since I am chill about it I know I'd want marriage for the right reasons. But, thanks for your concern. I appreciate it. Btw I think every women (that wants marriage) does get a bit panicky about getting married when they're getting older. Being 28 now, it does make me a bit...anxious? Idk. I guess if it's meant to be than I should calm down. Plus if you want kids, society really pressures you (as a woman) to do so before 35 and that also does my head in sometimes as I am still in Uni and trying to build a career and feel super pressured to do it all, much less find the perfect man and has kids in time *sigh*. Btw, I know I seem super intense/critical in my replies to ya'll but I promise I am a very sweet Lady lol. I feel like I'm coming off super intense and mean and that's a shame.

@Danioover9000 Funny you say this as I am EXTREMELY SECULAR and lead a VERY secular life To an actual religious person I would be seen as a sinner no doubt so I find it hilarious you think I'm some kind of rigid person that cannot break out of the shell. Being set on a belif is different than GROWING into a belif. I grew up soooooo secular, it's practically next to impossible that I ever got to any religious beliefs whatsoever. Like I mentioned above, I believe in intelligent design that trancends religion itself. I don't open the bible and act religous or what have you. I am literally one of the most liberal ppl you could ever meet - the fact that I don't go and have sex is my choice and I enjoy and feel liberated with my choice. I don't go around saying this in my day to day life and so what you said is not something anyone has ever said about me. Like I mentioned I am very liberal and secular it's almost a joke.

@Consept I VERY much respect what you said and suggested here!!! You're right, even if the man/marriage is perfect I know deep down I have ISSUES sadly lol. I really would like to go back to Therapy one day and resolve them, for sure. I really do need to do this for myself and I apprecaite you understanding where I am coming from! You know, I read this right now and I understand...yes. But at the same time, if I REALLY wanna go wild and think to myself okay, step aside and don't stick to your beliefs, I feel like it's just because of societal pressure and it's not really who I am. If I was in a postition where I was 50/50 with my beliefs and was itching to try "the other side" then I totally would meddle in it and try to go the other way but deep down? I feel like It's not for me and wouldn't give me joy, even if I go against the whole belif thing (aka I wouldn't get any joy even if I tried the 180 and decided to not stick to any belifs). I do believe in intelligent design and I feel like there's so much to it (especially with marriage) - I think that if there's someone like me that is not even religious and I'm attracted to it - that says a lot about it. Btw, I feel very strongly about Panthism as well if that's any indication haha. I'll see how things go but I'll remember your advice to not stick to beliefs and to try and see the other side for perspective!

@Mu_ Are you trying to control how I should respond, Moderator? Because if that's the case then you can only control how YOU respond, not other people. I have said my peace on the matter. If that's not welcome and you feel that I have disrespected said man (I also feel disrespected) - then by all means, I do apologize.

@Gesundheit I understand, yes. I realize marriage isn't perfect. I don't feel happy/interested in or excited to just have a "regular" relationship because it doesn't seem like anything to look forward to and it seems super juvenile to older you get. Like, I get it that ppl are happy either way and that's AWESOME but I don't think it's for me - and who knows? Maybe marriage isn't for me either but it's someone that I feel like is still a pinnacle to relationships. I've heard of ppl that have been together for literally 9 years, got married and then divorced a year-2 years later. I wonder why that is? It does make you question stuff for sure. You're right though, everyone still needs to look more into "what they're getting into" when it comes to marriage, I get you. Sorry to hear you have no heard of any marriage that is successful though - I have heard of many lol. You see alot of them that are if you look well enough.

@Consept He literally said that analogy AND said "every other reason is stupid" -> pretty sure there was ill intention here and if not, it was not welcome.

@Consept TOTALLY!!! I'm glad your got me - thank you for that You're right, I totally understand the whole brainwashing thing. Makes a lot of sense. Btw funny enough - I'm not Muslin Nor Christian/Catholic haha...but strangely enough I am drawn to the latter. I enjoyed the way you worded things - I completely agree! You're soo right. I see what you're saying yes, that the "odd" thing with my situation is that from the outside it seems to be weird that I've come to this. I respect you prointing out my flaws in my arguments yes, that's fine. I don't remember if I've mentioned it in a reponse to you or someone else that pointed out in question if there's any other psychological reaon/s for my stance - but I did answer that I do have a deep rooted fear for rejection. Now, I think it's also abandonment (now that I'm thinking about it - probably a mix of the 2). I've been rejected a lot in my life, for many different reasons; by family, friends, men and potentional partners (aka those that really wanted to propose). Hopefully this makes more sense. I totally get you on the push back aspect of not being tied to any beliefs/spotting them out - I see this keeps occuring on my thread/others and so now I understand more so the pushback. I totally understand that there are benefits to doing so but for some reason was not prepared to have it done to me lol. Opps. I apprecaite the notion of looking at things from different perspective yes, but the more I seem to try and do it (with the help of you and others that have commented on my thread) - it makes me feel like I am so much happier/content in sticking to my beliefs and that they make so much logical sense to me in every way, shape and form. Hopefully that makes sense despite everything I said.

Other women before me have already pointed out exactly what I stated myself. I don't feel the need to muffle my thoughts on the subject. Maybe if more than 1 woman is trying to tell you something - that's an indication that what you said is not right/does't sit well with ppl and needs to be inspected. I will say this again - do not make an analogy between human beings and objects. I do not take lightly any objectifaction of human beings. I've been made to feel objectifed for all of my teen years + adult years -> there's a reason I am saying what I am saying and how rude of an analogy that was. Instead of defending that, you should try to understand why we women aren't too fond of being in an analogy with cars. We do not need to be test drived. We're worth more than that, thank you very much. Don't say stupid shit to women, then you won't get "bat shit crazy" responses - crazy idea right? Here's another beauty - play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

@Gesundheit I totally understand marriage isn't perfect and stuff can go wrong like infidelity and other things BUT I feel like there's a reason marriage is important, sacred and distinct from just a conventional bf-gf relationship. At this point in my life, I'm not dating just to be a gf, I'm dating as wife material. I don't care to be a gf, seems like a waste of time for me (at this point) (personally!!). Ya'll may think I'm weird but you should read up into soul mates. Read up into actual sprituality. There's beautiful things to be said about marriage as well. I respect it. I look up to that and take marriage very seriously. Nothing is perfect of course but I do think marriage is still the pinnacle of realtionships and I've never wavered on that tbh.