Spinoza

On having kids or not

24 posts in this topic

Hi Guys,

From an ego perspective i really want to have a kid one day, but in the same time when i think about it, i don't want to have kids, and i don't want to follow my ego desire blindly even if it create a sort of happiness, i know desires inevitably create pain.

I don't want to procreate cause i don't think that in this system i can be a good father, my kid won't use all his potential. even if everything is in the inside but the world is crazy, it's hard to deny that. also i don't want to be the reason why someone came to this world without asking me. Most parent that i see, i don't want to be in theirs place, some parent (especially those who have wealth and education) i like the way they raise theirs kid, but i can't guarantee i will be like that, so i believe if i'm incertain i should not have one, and also people who are not capable should not too.

If i make a kid by accident, that would be so hard. 

I'm in my mid 20's, some friends told me that i probably change my mind in my 40's, some people find it weird and selfish.

Some people tell me you won't find anyone who take care of you when you get older lol

What are you opinion guys about having kids ?

why you don't want: if you can be specific

or why you want to have kids: if you can be specific

Edited by Spinoza

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Most men have all these same thoughts. 

I never wanted kids and we when my GF got pregnant while I was out of a job and pretty much i was homeless and I was a bit stressed out lol and on top of that having everyone tell me and my GF that we shouldn't get married because it never works out and being x communicated  from are crazy religions family's we were outcast and on are own.

But by year 7 we were (still are fyi) more then happily married and with a amazing kid that has both of are personalities  while everyone else that "did it the right way" was divorced or separated before the 6yr mark.

Having them is the only thing that has kept me alive more then one's and in my opinion you cannot reach the same level of understanding about life if you never have a kid there are just some things that you can only come to know by doing not by being told.

So now my view is that it is absolutely important to have at least 1 kid.

It will never be a good time in this world to have a kid and that can't be the excuse/reson that a person never knew an important part of life to share in the next life.

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for me it's non sense to want to have kids right now.

meaning, you give consciousness to kill it.

that's a lot.

 

it's nazi or low iq to wish to get one right now.

You'll be less egoic killing humans.

 

someone wake in the current world would never do a kid, unless a pure mistake.

it's very selfish to want a kid, it means you don't care for over population.

unless you eat the dream of "happy life with wife & kids" pure fairy tail.

kids are just robotic organic machine that learn and follow everything you program them to do.

I used to teach my little brothers, so I was already feeling like a father.

that's enough for me, all humans are my kids.

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6 minutes ago, Aeris said:

for me it's non sense to want to have kids right now.

meaning, you give consciousness to kill it.

that's a lot.

 

it's nazi or low iq to wish to get one right now.

You'll be less egoic killing humans.

 

someone wake in the current world would never do a kid, unless a pure mistake.

it's very selfish to want a kid, it means you don't care for over population.

unless you eat the dream of "happy life with wife & kids" pure fairy tail.

kids are just robotic organic machine that learn and follow everything you program them to do.

I used to teach my little brothers, so I was already feeling like a father.

that's enough for me, all humans are my kids.

Thank you for your personal opinion haha


I have an opinion on everything :D

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In my opinion there are two very good reasons to not have kids:

  • Our Earth is already incredibly strained. The money you don't spend on raising kids (which is a lot) could instead be spent on a good cause. Having a kid in this day and age is in my view a very selfish decision.
  • You can achieve a lot more in the world when you don't have to spend time raising a kid. Raising a child takes 18 years of your life, and to be fair, it probably isn't over after those 18 years either.

Whatever kind of meaning you'd imagine from having a kid, can be increased ten-fold by getting out there and doing the real work.

Most people usually just get kids to meet their unmet needs, to fill a certain void inside of them. Don't be that guy. It will fuck up your kids.

If you were to have kids, you should 100% be coming from a place of abundance.


I am myself, heaven and hell.

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@Commodent Said it right

I also am finding the more inner work i do, the less i care about this idea which used to mean so much to me. 

I'm not trying to brag. Currently i am 26, i work 3 hours a day and make 70K+/year. I work remotely so i travel constantly, i have romances and girlfirends all the time, i just had a 3sum with 2 brazilian girls, yesterday i decided fuck it and meditated all day in the sun , just to take a nap and then go for a run. i am not constantly blissed out but life is good, and i want it to stay this way. kids would rip all of this away from me, i'd no longer just be living for myself and i enjoy being selfish and having a ton of time to do my own shit. if i had kids the travel would stop, the sex would stop, the money and hence the stress would need to increase, id probably have to hang out with annoying ass other parents that i wouldn't like and would have to listen to their boring bullshit, and the kids, in todays society would be anxious depressed ungrateful shits who look at instagram all day. also there is a chance of one being retarded or having a serious mental condition or car crash or something. fuck it, life is too short, i choose 3 sums :)

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@Spinoza I think no one can answer for you.

It is your life. You got to choose. Because no one knows what you want out of your life.

If you don't want to have kids, it's fine.

If you do wanna have it, it's also fine.

But don't take any decision unconsciously.

What i mean by unconscious is that having kids because your culture expects it, your parents expects it, your gf/wife expects it etc.

Don't let anyone else dictate your life's term.

Moreover, if you have kid unconsciouly or accidentally (in case of accidentally spilling your sperm inside of  a vagina :p),  i do not think that would be great for your child.

Because bringing a child in this world is a big responsibility. Many fails to carry out their responsibiliy, as a result we see many adults with mental/habitual issues. 

So if you choose to be a father, do it consciously and be a great, loving father to your child :x

Otherwise, do not.

Edited by Annoynymous

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I'm only 18 and I don't think I'm having kids (I'm gay too so if I do go down that route I will probably foster or adopt instead of making more when there are millions in the system lmao)

I have this weird theory that if you don't have kids your consciousness doesn't move on. Kinda like being john malkovich.

I have no proof, it was just a passing thought I had. I still don't want kids I think.


“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

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6 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

Interesting.


This thread has given me the realization that the only way to really get any practical use out of this forum is to start blocking people who either are not serious with their questions, who are rude, who embellish their spiritual journeys,  who are misogynists, who think they are better than others and who waste my time and other's.

This forum is quite toxic.

@Keyhole Why you are saying that in this post, what happened ? 

I agree with you that there is a lot of know it all dude, and closed minded that see themselves open minded without really paying attention, a common thing. it could not be otherwise this is humanity.

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4 hours ago, Commodent said:

In my opinion there are two very good reasons to not have kids:

  • Our Earth is already incredibly strained. The money you don't spend on raising kids (which is a lot) could instead be spent on a good cause. Having a kid in this day and age is in my view a very selfish decision.
  • You can achieve a lot more in the world when you don't have to spend time raising a kid. Raising a child takes 18 years of your life, and to be fair, it probably isn't over after those 18 years either.

Whatever kind of meaning you'd imagine from having a kid, can be increased ten-fold by getting out there and doing the real work.

Most people usually just get kids to meet their unmet needs, to fill a certain void inside of them. Don't be that guy. It will fuck up your kids.

If you were to have kids, you should 100% be coming from a place of abundance.

There's never a convenient time to have kids hundreds of years ago the excuse would have been that we can't guarantee that we can put food on the table we can't guarantee that there be a deer to kill in the woods we can't guarantee that the crops we planted will grow /Tech  the excuses change every generation.

Also they do not cost a ton of money if you know what you're doing. It save me more money having a stay-at-home wife and kid then had I lived on my own

Edited by MAYA EL

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2 hours ago, Keyhole said:

Interesting.


This thread has given me the realization that the only way to really get any practical use out of this forum is to start blocking people who either are not serious with their questions, who are rude, who embellish their spiritual journeys,  who are misogynists, who think they are better than others and who waste my time and other's.

This forum is quite toxic.

I kinda agree. There is so many people who just mental masturbate here. 

 

@Spinoza do whatever fuck you want.

It's completely Okay to have kids. It's completely Okay to have NO kids. Choose whatever fuck you want. 


⭐ if you want some spiritual hints - feel free to DM me the questions: https://www.instagram.com/dima.happy.living/ 

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@MAYA EL I'd like to rephrase that sentiment more accurately. Let's say the people in your tribe were currently starving. Would it then be wise to have more kids?

Also, people in the past did generally not make excuses to not have kids. More than anything, it has been glorified.

@Spinoza And I'd like to add that if you were to have a child, I'd probably choose to adopt or something. There's enough of homeless children out there. And with adoption you also have the added "benefit" of not risking getting a retarded child, for those of you that are worried about that.

Edited by Commodent
Typo

I am myself, heaven and hell.

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@Commodent There is a lot of physiological issues likely to rise in children who are missing even one of their parents. Missing both and depending on the time they leave will likely have a lot of trauma on the child. So you will have a high chance of the child having a lot of other issues. I admit I would not want an autistic child either. 

Surprised there is a lot of people here against having a child, but I don't really know myself what I want. It sounds like it would be something worthwhile doing if done right. Be conscious and raising children would be an improvement in society. There is a lot of places over populating and destroying the world. Where I live contributes, but not like the largest offenders. If anything raising conscious children could help reverse these issues over time.  

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4 hours ago, Commodent said:

Most people usually just get kids to meet their unmet needs, to fill a certain void inside of them. Don't be that guy. It will fuck up your kids.

 

i don't know about the other things you said but this, THIS is like the meat and mother of fuck ups. Yes, most people have kids because society tells them to have kids and there's this huge void within them that they now want filled by someone. Kids are helpless, they're dependent, they'll abundantly selflessly (out of their selfishness) love you, they'll be your little boys who would put you in a place of great reverence and power. That's a lot of authority you have right there!  

@Spinoza I'm actually glad you put up this question. It is precisely because the topic of parenting and child rearing is not given enough consideration that people screw it up. You're not just raising an "ego", you are CREATING one. 

Here's my say in this. Do your inner work, your healing work, get your emotional screw ups in place, have your needs met first. Educate yourself well enough about the needs of a growing child, there's psychosocial crisis and virtue development at every stage (see Erikson's psychosocial development theory), learn the fact that your child will learn that which you embody, and not that which you will preach. So you gotta "BE" what you want your kid to become (and not be a damn hypocrite who lacks integrity). It's a full time 20 year job where you will mess up and that would demand sacrifice. Do you have that kind of support? A partner? The internal resources?

Parenting is a job that needs proper "conscious" discussion. How weird and baffling is the fact that the single most complex job with arduous responsibility and effort does not have ANY pre requisites, any training at all?!

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My kids are my life.  I also have a life purpose.  It is not an ultimatum.  

@Spinoza Do what you can to create the life that you want.  This hopefully includes engineering your life so that, if you choose, you set yourself up so that you have the opportunity to be a great father.

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I'm a bit torn on this topic. On one end I feel like a child would get in the way of my highest potential. On the other hand I've heard so many say you experience life in a very profound way. That type of bond is not something that can be put into words. 

I also think I would adopt. I feel the Same as @MusicalPotato

There are so many kids out there begging for a chance. Instead of standard situation of broken people raising broken people or allowing them to fend for themselves. Maybe we're in a sense responsible. 

Have you guys ever seen the movie Idiocracy? Sometimes it feels like we're actualizing it. Very weird ?


When things go wrong in your perspective, remember it's not about you ?

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@Leo Gura Is one of your videos particularly suited to helping answer this question?

What I would like, is some sort of framework for deciding if I actually want to have kids or not, so that I can make a solid decision and be confident in it.

Seems like perhaps part of the life purpose course could be relevant.

I'd like to answer this question for myself once and for all, because I often struggle with whether or not to have children and make that a cornerstone of how I seek my next big relationship or seek a partner in Life.

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