Am I Finally Ready To Let Go of Dating?

[Valach]

1 minute ago, something_else said:

I don’t entirely disagree. Asia in general has a lot of this to cater to western tourists, but it does also have some genuinely spiritual communities (and people) a bit more off the beaten track.

I don't doubt that

It's just that the really spiritual people I met here in Europe gave me the feeling that they would not really fit with the average "bali crowd".

[Lyubov]

I heard there are a ton of hot Russian girls in Bali 

[Olaf]

@Lyubov Besides the looks of russian girls, they seem to be very boring partners to me, like most russian girls I talk to are cold blooded, but Europeans and Russians have never been friends anyways. 

[Eskilon]

3 hours ago, something_else said:

Anyway, story of the girl I dated in Bali  Very relevant to this thread.

This is the hottest girl I’ve ever been with, like I said. Half Romanian / half Spanish, grew up in Spain. She had worked as a model back home. Guys would come up to me on the street and congratulate me when we were walking around together. It was bizarre. I’d never experienced anything like that before.

She used to talk to me in Spanish when we were fucking. Oh my god, so fucking hot. Memories…  

It’s such a shame how it turned out, but I’ll get to that in a sec.

She was a digital nomad there and absolutely looking for something long term, not casual. She wanted someone to travel the world with, and I was very open to that. For a while it seemed like it was going to happen.

She was super spiritual too. We did a ton of yoga together at a spiritual retreat there. Then we did sensory deprivation tanks together for the first time. Afterwards she told me about how her mind was filled with only two things during the experience, sex and the idea of death.

We then quite naturally had a very deep discussion  about ego death, spirituality and sexuality.

We were seeing each other regularly for around 6 weeks, it was absolutely amazing, and then…

It turned out she was a Nazi.

And I don’t mean in the moralistic “everyone vaguely right wing is a Nazi” sense. I mean literally.

At one point she suddenly asked me “would you ever date anybody who wasn’t white?” I said yes, of course, because I have.

Then she looked shocked and replied with “no, that’s awful, you need to preserve the white race”. I thought she was joking at first, but no, she was deadly serious.

She had already told me that she had grown up shitposting on 4chan throughout her teenage years, which I thought was funny at the time. Seriously. Like this is one of the hottest girls I’ve ever met and she was a 4chan shitposter  But in hindsight it made a lot of sense.

She then started working out of some cult mansion in Bali for a shitcoin pump-n-dump scheme. Truly bizarre and almost comical.

It’s amazing what your mind will do to rationalise staying with someone that hot even if they have values that directly conflict with yours. But I did (painfully) end things at that point because I just could not date someone with values like that no matter how hot and spiritual they were.

In the end I’m glad I had this experience because it kind of shattered the illusion of the “perfect hot girl”. Super hot girls are just people like the rest of us. They can be weird, irrational, flawed, interesting, deep, or even pretty fucked up. There’s no reason to put them on a pedestal just because they’re hot. Treat them like any other person you’ve ever met.

@something_else Damn bro, what a read lmao. Thanks for sharing this, it was insightful.

[Schizophonia]

On 03/10/2026 at 2:36 PM, something_else said:

Bali is a weird place, it’s a mixing pot of a huge variety of people in a very small island. I prefer the surrounding islands like Lombok, but Bali is also cool.

It definitely isn’t the case that people are only there to hookup. There are plenty of digital nomads and remote workers there long term who actually want to date. I met many, and briefly dated one (hottest girl I’ve ever been with, story below 😂).

I also used dating apps a lot there and there was no shortage of girls with “long term” on their profile.

Honestly, it seems like for every potential solution you’re offered you have an over-generalised excuse for why it wouldn’t work. 

Try something out before you make your mind up instead of immediately shutting it down based on your ideas of what a place is like.

——

Anyway, story of the girl I dated in Bali  Very relevant to this thread.

This is the hottest girl I’ve ever been with, like I said. Half Romanian / half Spanish, grew up in Spain. She had worked as a model back home. Guys would come up to me on the street and congratulate me when we were walking around together. It was bizarre. I’d never experienced anything like that before.

She used to talk to me in Spanish when we were fucking. Oh my god, so fucking hot. Memories…  

It’s such a shame how it turned out, but I’ll get to that in a sec.

She was a digital nomad there and absolutely looking for something long term, not casual. She wanted someone to travel the world with, and I was very open to that. For a while it seemed like it was going to happen.

She was super spiritual too. We did a ton of yoga together at a spiritual retreat there. Then we did sensory deprivation tanks together for the first time. Afterwards she told me about how her mind was filled with only two things during the experience, sex and the idea of death.

We then quite naturally had a very deep discussion  about ego death, spirituality and sexuality.

We were seeing each other regularly for around 6 weeks, it was absolutely amazing, and then…

It turned out she was a Nazi.

And I don’t mean in the moralistic “everyone vaguely right wing is a Nazi” sense. I mean literally.

At one point she suddenly asked me “would you ever date anybody who wasn’t white?” I said yes, of course, because I have.

Then she looked shocked and replied with “no, that’s awful, you need to preserve the white race”. I thought she was joking at first, but no, she was deadly serious.

She had already told me that she had grown up shitposting on 4chan throughout her teenage years, which I thought was funny at the time. Seriously. Like this is one of the hottest girls I’ve ever met and she was a 4chan shitposter  But in hindsight it made a lot of sense.

She then started working out of some cult mansion in Bali for a shitcoin pump-n-dump scheme. Truly bizarre and almost comical.

It’s amazing what your mind will do to rationalise staying with someone that hot even if they have values that directly conflict with yours. But I did (painfully) end things at that point because I just could not date someone with values like that no matter how hot and spiritual they were.

In the end I’m glad I had this experience because it kind of shattered the illusion of the “perfect hot girl”. Super hot girls are just people like the rest of us. They can be weird, irrational, flawed, interesting, deep, or even pretty fucked up. There’s no reason to put them on a pedestal just because they’re hot. Treat them like any other person you’ve ever met.

Perfect girl 

Edited 2 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Lyubov]

4 hours ago, Olaf said:

@Lyubov Besides the looks of russian girls, they seem to be very boring partners to me, like most russian girls I talk to are cold blooded, but Europeans and Russians have never been friends anyways. 

Yeah they aren’t really warm at first and don’t really like dancing monkey vibes so if you’re like trying to be chummy with them they won’t open up and make much friendly small talk unless they see a reason to. 

[Ulax]

6 hours ago, something_else said:

Bali is a weird place, it’s a mixing pot of a huge variety of people in a very small island. I prefer the surrounding islands like Lombok, but Bali is also cool.

It definitely isn’t the case that people are only there to hookup. There are plenty of digital nomads and remote workers there long term who actually want to date. I met many, and briefly dated one (hottest girl I’ve ever been with, story below 😂).

I also used dating apps a lot there and there was no shortage of girls with “long term” on their profile.

Honestly, it seems like for every potential solution you’re offered you have an over-generalised excuse for why it wouldn’t work. 

Try something out before you make your mind up instead of immediately shutting it down based on your ideas of what a place is like.

——

Anyway, story of the girl I dated in Bali  Very relevant to this thread.

This is the hottest girl I’ve ever been with, like I said. Half Romanian / half Spanish, grew up in Spain. She had worked as a model back home. Guys would come up to me on the street and congratulate me when we were walking around together. It was bizarre. I’d never experienced anything like that before.

She used to talk to me in Spanish when we were fucking. Oh my god, so fucking hot. Memories…  

It’s such a shame how it turned out, but I’ll get to that in a sec.

She was a digital nomad there and absolutely looking for something long term, not casual. She wanted someone to travel the world with, and I was very open to that. For a while it seemed like it was going to happen.

She was super spiritual too. We did a ton of yoga together at a spiritual retreat there. Then we did sensory deprivation tanks together for the first time. Afterwards she told me about how her mind was filled with only two things during the experience, sex and the idea of death.

We then quite naturally had a very deep discussion  about ego death, spirituality and sexuality.

We were seeing each other regularly for around 6 weeks, it was absolutely amazing, and then…

It turned out she was a Nazi.

And I don’t mean in the moralistic “everyone vaguely right wing is a Nazi” sense. I mean literally.

At one point she suddenly asked me “would you ever date anybody who wasn’t white?” I said yes, of course, because I have.

Then she looked shocked and replied with “no, that’s awful, you need to preserve the white race”. I thought she was joking at first, but no, she was deadly serious.

She had already told me that she had grown up shitposting on 4chan throughout her teenage years, which I thought was funny at the time. Seriously. Like this is one of the hottest girls I’ve ever met and she was a 4chan shitposter  But in hindsight it made a lot of sense.

She then started working out of some cult mansion in Bali for a shitcoin pump-n-dump scheme. Truly bizarre and almost comical.

It’s amazing what your mind will do to rationalise staying with someone that hot even if they have values that directly conflict with yours. But I did (painfully) end things at that point because I just could not date someone with values like that no matter how hot and spiritual they were.

In the end I’m glad I had this experience because it kind of shattered the illusion of the “perfect hot girl”. Super hot girls are just people like the rest of us. They can be weird, irrational, flawed, interesting, deep, or even pretty fucked up. There’s no reason to put them on a pedestal just because they’re hot. Treat them like any other person you’ve ever met.

Lmao

[Alexop]

On 03/10/2026 at 0:11 AM, Leo Gura said:

@Miguel1 For you:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9DtAaMTM-/

Exactly. This was my biggest frustation in life. I could not create that intellectual intimacy with my exes. Few women can meet me there, and many of them are mentally damaged. Because how the hell do you get motivated to spend years learning this shit we know? Motivated by pain.

Edited 13 hours ago by Alexop

[Miguel1]

17 minutes ago, Alexop said:

Exactly. This was my biggest frustation in life. I could not create that intellectual intimacy with my exes. Few women can meet me there, and many of them are mentally damaged. Because how the hell do you get motivated to spend years learning this shit we know? Motivated by pain.

Yep.

The mental damage is huge as well. Rarely you have a young good looking girl who is emotionally and mentally mature and sane. And is not in a relationship already.

Top it with the fact that intellectual intimacy is a real craving, probably the biggest craving for us.. and the equation doesn’t seem very much in our favour.

[Alexop]

And those mature girls are less excited to want to date. Because they become aware of how shitty men are. 

I don't buy this crap that feminism has taught women to stay single. Educated women stay single because they have the the same problem as me. They have a hard time finding a person that meets them where they are at.

Edited 13 hours ago by Alexop

[oOo]

On 02/10/2026 at 4:38 PM, Miguel1 said:

Good morning!

These last 1-2 pages of comments here are some of the most mature I’ve gotten on the topic, if not the most. Thank you.

This is what I expect the quality is when I start this conversation.

I have to start my day and will get back to you all with more thought but here are some short thoughts to answer everyone:

- Yes, I have dated multiple ”normies” and I have also dated one girl who was somewhat more elevated in her thinking. The quality of intimacy, enjoyment and satisfaction was day and night.

- At this point I am not really interested inc ”casual dating” anymore where we do normal dating stuff like hold hands and watch a movie together. I am looking for a life partner. Someone to build something healthy and sustainable for life.

- This means they need to be quite self-aware. And I don’t necessarily mean in the sense of spirituality and consciousness but: how self-aware are they of their self-deceptions, lies, biases, weaknesses and strenghts? How well do they know themselves? — and how interested are they in working on these? Because if they are to be my life partner with whom we have deep intimacy, explore the journey that is the mind and life together, they need to care. At least to a degree. On top of other stuff as well. As @BlessedLion lion said - she needs to be quite something special.

- This journey of self-development and spirituality is the most important thing for me. And having a partner with whom I cannot share at all about it? That’s really a shame. Of couse there are partner who would listen as a love for me, but are they actually sharing my excitement for discovering something new about me and my growth?

- Otherwise I could just be alone. And as I said, I’ve done so much normal dating that it doesn’t really satisfy me anymore. I desire DEEP intimacy.

- Leo’s emphasis of making growth a hierarchial thing is very practical in my opinion. It helps navigate the world.

- - - - -

I have to run now but will get back with you all.

Thank you so much for contributing.

@Lyubov @Joshe @Natasha Tori Maru @oOo and others.

 

@Miguel1

Can I withstand the depth and breath of anyone's questions?
Can I withstand the depth and breadth of my own self-questions (questions upon/on the self)?

If I cannot survive the first, I should be doing something else.
If I cannot survive the second, I should be doing something else.

If the weight of the results and implications of earnestly responding to the second question above to the deepest possible depth of my own existence does not significantly outweigh the importance of the first, I should be doing something else. 

That's a commanding life.

And that's also a dating life with purpose, integrity and fulfilment that only the person following it, needs to answer to themselves for, while being mature enough to learn and grow with, for and from their environment in that process. 

I hope this sentiment helps you just as much as it helps others as well. 

Best wishes, keep growin!

 

Edited 13 hours ago by oOo

[cistanche_enjoyer]

From experience I noticed that "spiritual girls" tend to be also full of subconscious trauma and mental health issues. Which is what got them into spirituality in the first place (though there are exceptions of course).

A healthy girl who grew up around loving parents will likely not be interested in deep questions about Consciousness and God. And that's fine. Consciousness is a masculine property, and the feminine represents more the shifting dance of vibration, emotion, radiance, and Love.

If you are a masculine man that values Consciousness, you will be most fulfilled with a feminine girl that brings you Love and Energy. You don't need a girl who is able to hold deep philosophical discussions with you - feeling the radiance of the feminine being is way more satisfying than that. 

Another thing: if you get triggered by "games", it means you still have lots of foundational work to do. If you truly knew yourself as Infinite Consciousness, there is no "game" that could ever trigger you. These games are really just tests that girls use subconsciously to evaluate your level of masculinity and consciousness. If you get triggered by them you automatically fail them.

[Raze]

3 hours ago, cistanche_enjoyer said:

From experience I noticed that "spiritual girls" tend to be also full of subconscious trauma and mental health issues. Which is what got them into spirituality in the first place (though there are exceptions of course).

A healthy girl who grew up around loving parents will likely not be interested in deep questions about Consciousness and God. And that's fine. Consciousness is a masculine property, and the feminine represents more the shifting dance of vibration, emotion, radiance, and Love.

 

It’s the same for guys including me, so I don’t judge them.

The second claim is false, I believe there are highly developed people who are naturally drawn to it.

I’ve seen two women who I would consider like this. I’ve seen countless women who have understanding of spiritual qualities, high intuitive intelligence, etc, but it’s hard to describe, they have the same kind of “hurt essence” and “trying to appease” that most everyone else has.

These two women are the exception to me since they seem almost naturally highly tapped in, like the hurt essence isn’t there. I didn’t consider their spiritual understanding or knowledge that great and they themselves had experienced childhood trauma and said they had mental health issues in the past, but they just “live” high conscious to some degree.

Basically I’ve accepted this is extremely rare and the odds I or anyone else will meet such a woman and be compatible for a relationship is like winning the lottery in which case you will be so lacking in abundance and wanting it to work it’ll fail since like all women she’d be turned off by that desperation. 

Edited 5 hours ago by Raze

[Valach]

1 hour ago, Raze said:

It’s the same for guys including me, so I don’t judge them.

The second claim is false, I believe there are highly developed people who are naturally drawn to it.

I’ve seen two women who I would consider like this. I’ve seen countless women who have understanding of spiritual qualities, high intuitive intelligence, etc, but it’s hard to describe, they have the same kind of “hurt essence” and “trying to appease” that most everyone else has.

These two women are the exception to me since they seem almost naturally highly tapped in, like the hurt essence isn’t there. I didn’t consider their spiritual understanding or knowledge that great and they themselves had experienced childhood trauma and said they had mental health issues in the past, but they just “live” high conscious to some degree.

Basically I’ve accepted this is extremely rare and the odds I or anyone else will meet such a woman and be compatible for a relationship is like winning the lottery in which case you will be so lacking in abundance and wanting it to work it’ll fail since like all women she’d be turned off by that desperation. 

Agreed. And let's also not paint people who are not interested in spirituality as "less wounded", they simply chose different coping mechanism. I met so many "normies" who clearly show a lot of trauma, yet are not drawn to this stuff.

[Miguel1]

6 hours ago, cistanche_enjoyer said:

From experience I noticed that "spiritual girls" tend to be also full of subconscious trauma and mental health issues. Which is what got them into spirituality in the first place (though there are exceptions of course).

This is why I have constantly, throughout this whole thread emphasizes that it’s not enough to be spiritual.

They cannot be some hardcore hippies or spiritua by-passers.

[Yimpa]

6 hours ago, cistanche_enjoyer said:

From experience I noticed that "spiritual girls" tend to be also full of subconscious trauma and mental health issues. Which is what got them into spirituality in the first place (though there are exceptions of course).

Leo has dated and been intimate with mentally ill chicks (MICs) so clearly there’s value in understanding them.

*mic drop*

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Yimpa

[Emerald]

On 10/1/2026 at 6:05 PM, oOo said:

I live in Australia, I've traveled a lot around the world and continue to do so.

I have just never experienced that problem.

This doesn't mean there aren't immature, 'low-conscious' women. Australia in fact is well on its way on the downward trajectory when it comes to dating with one of those reasons being women being influenced by low-conscious women that get a social platform and then infect their minds with nonsense.

But there are so many wonderful women in the world, many of which that I admire and do some things better than I, inclusive of Australia. 

They're engineers, architects, librarians, artists, musicians, actors, doctors, lawyers, spiritual teachers, and so many women as well that are in just your everyday professions like baristas, cooks, council works or even just women living and working in villages, farms, and more.

What is it that makes you believe your are more conscious than all of your friends? 

Why is it that you believe that you cannot find a woman interested in personal development when it comes to advancing their consciousness?

Do you travel or do you struggle forming new relationships?

For a relationship, a level of admiration is important relative to the uniqueness of the individual themselves. 

They don't need to walk around like famous pickup artist Mystery, it could be as simple as a woman admiring how hard a man works or a man, appreciating how organised a woman happens to be. 

How simple or extravagant that admiration has to be also depends on the person themselves. Narcissism tends to have an interesting impact on the scale of admiration as well, those on the higher end of narcissism being famous for the love bombing (high admiration) to devaluation loops (low admiration) they cycle with partners.

How important to you is it that you have to admire your partner or that your partner admire you? What are your requirements for a relationship to be stable over the long term? Do you sometimes project onto your partner about what you want them to be more than accepting them for who they are? Perhaps viewing your relationship in the context of narcissism will help you shed light on certain areas. 

Also, what are your past relationship experiences like? 

There's no need to answer all of these questions most of them of course are just for you to address personally depending on how much you wished to share. However just for me, based on my life experience I would say that what's the case here more than not is not seeing blind spots and knowing how to fully address them more than "I am more conscious than all these women and I cannot deal with their shit"; if feels more like a self-protection mechanism more than a stable assessment of every reachable women inside or, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, just women outside your present immediate friendship group.

One point I want to make though is that this is now the second thread you've made on pretty much the same topic in the last few months. 

What is more important for you here, seeking attention or seeking a solution that leads to the same growth you would expect from a potential future partner that may be going through the same issue right now as you're both unsure of how to fully address it? 

Are we going to get the same thread in a couple or so months time? You gotta man up here, I hope you don't take that as a criticism but you gotta be more mature here given the pattern emerging. It's not about you getting a partner, just taking personal responsibility for the situation. 

A personal question for you alone to answer for yourself not share publicly, what is one action step you can take today to make progress in this life area of yours that would genuinely bring you personal growth and best serves your trajectory in a healthy way? 

Best wishes.

 

This is spot on!

Ordinariness is the key to horizontal connection and eye-to-eye communal connection with other humans... and that's also the true foundation of successful romantic relationships.

But the ethos of this forum is about extraordinariness and vertical hierarchy regarding consciousness levels and Spiral Dynamics phases.

It's very anti-mundane. 

And especially in the dating section of the forum... there's a tendency to think about dating from a hierarchical "maximizing the initial attraction" perspective with very little focus on the ordinary boring actual relationship stuff.

So, ironically... this forum is 100% a regular social club... that's against being regular and against socializing. 

It's like a group of sheep that dresses up like wolves... and holds a "lone wolves" meeting where all the special sheep can get together and celebrate their differentness from the other sheep.

And anytime I see someone going, "I just can't find someone on my same level of consciousness"... I look at that more as an internal connection issue that's based on polarizing too fair into things like extraordinariness, attractiveness, or "being a high consciousness person."

It's a really common trap that people can fall into on here... and it stunts personal growth and calcifies people into a comfortable superior position (but a lonely one).

Honestly, the most growth that most people on this forum could experience is being humbled a bit and brought back down to Earth by realizing "I'm just an ordinary person... and I am not better or more conscious than others."

A good affirmation is, "I am an ordinary person. I am not above or below anyone. I am walking an ordinary path... and my life is ordinary."

[Miguel1]

Quote

And anytime I see someone going, "I just can't find someone on my same level of consciousness"... I look at that more as an internal connection issue that's based on polarizing too fair into things like extraordinariness, attractiveness, or "being a high consciousness person."

@Emerald Most people here should def date normal people for their own growth.

But to tell Leo to date a complete normie for his own growth, is not the wise choice here. Same for me. And this thread is about me.

So you are wrong.

Edited 1 hour ago by Miguel1

[Emerald]

16 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

@Emerald Most people here should def date normal people for their own growth.

But to tell Leo to date a complete normie for his own growth, is not the wise choice here. Same for me. And this thread is about me.

So you are wrong.

I mean Leo especially.

[Lyubov]

If you're not able to find a partner or you perceive an impossible problem in dating, there is a nice old phrase which is fitting: "look in the mirror."