will getting a girl friend solve my loneliness

[Ramanujan]

i live in a 3rd world. its a taboo to do dating.  i tried to use friendship with other men to solve my loneliness. it worked for some time. but there are some problems. like some see me as a backup friend. some see me as a side friend , a side charecter in their life .  it was managable. but once they got married , they started avoiding me. they choose a pussy they met one year ago over me

so i am back to square 1. no friends. not enough social skills.  the pain of loneliness is absolutely unbearable. i start crying some day

 

will getting a girl friend cure my loneliness.  i know game take a while to learn. i am a game noobie. although i am an arm chair pickup artist

 

 

is getting a girlfriend different from having male friends for your loneliness. does it cure loneliness

[Majed]

@Ramanujan Yeah man sounds tuff. There certainly are ways though to get laid in India. Like i don't imagine the 1 billion indians are all sexually frustrated. It also depends on whether you live in the city or in rural areas. If you live in the city, try approaching a few girls, see how it goes. 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHDPfsI5BmI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hs0vk092UN0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eMzfhqm7pc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgSjIuKjM9c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC2ZiPfwf1M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIi_xjIMjmU

[LordFall]

There are different parts to loneliness. What you mentioned about your friends is more about not being valued for what you have to offer than lack of people around you. Plenty of men with girlfriend/wives are not valued for what they have to offer and therefore feel lonely even in a relationship.

What do you have to offer? What are your interests and skills? The best way you can solve this loneliness aspect IMO is post about it on social media and you'll start to get hundreds of views right away and soon enough comments about your interests. Now you have a way to express what you care about to a global audience that you can make a community out of, just like this one.

Still get then girlfriend but going at this quest from a place of offering value and leverage is way better than "Nobody wants to talk to me, im lonely pls date me." 

I don't know what country you're from and if dating apps are viable there, please elaborate. Maybe that will work or maybe your best bet is to save like $5000 and move to South East Asia, the dating is pretty easy there. 

Edited yesterday at 03:09 PM by LordFall

[bazera]

11 minutes ago, Ramanujan said:

does it cure loneliness

In some ways yes, it will distract you from the feelings you feel now, ones you call loneliness. But if you put all your eggs into one basket (a girlfriend), you'll get attached to her in unhealthy ways that will create all sorts of problems. 

I'd advice you to work on some other aspects of your life, you clearly crave some socialization so do that, what is holding you back in that regard? What are the ways for you to meet new friends and develop new social connections? 

Edited yesterday at 03:09 PM by bazera

[Rishabh R]

@Ramanujan Continue to make more make friends and do so with females as well. Who knows one day you will get things better than you hoped for initially. 

Truly negativity is the path to positivity . Negative situations lead to better things if you keep taking action .

[Someone here]

Yes it will.

[Rigel]

The catch 22 with all of this is that feeling lonely is not attractive at all. It makes you needy and desperate which healthy people can smell off of you.

It will not solve your problem ultimately but you might need to get together with another needy person that engages with you selfishly to realize that it doesn’t really work. It’s valuable experience even if it blows up. You’ll be less needy and higher quality people will start to vibe with you more.

Having healthy relationships will make your life beautiful and better but you can’t get that if you’re not somewhat exuberant with your energies without the need for anyone’s approval. You don’t need to be perfect but if you don’t love your life already you will only attract people that also don’t love their life. Which again you might have to do just to break up some of that neediness.

[Rigel]

What do you like to do in life? Find communities that do those things and go be around people without any intention other than to have fun doing the thing with other people. If you have enough fun around enough people, you will match with someone without even trying.

[Joseph Maynor]

Be careful what you wish for lol. 

[Ramanujan]

11 hours ago, LordFall said:

What do you have to offer? What are your interests and skills?

i hate this aspect of friendship. i want someone to like me for who i am. but that is not how it works ig

11 hours ago, LordFall said:

I don't know what country you're from and if dating apps are viable there, please elaborate

india

dating happens in places like big cities. 

 

[Ramanujan]

11 hours ago, bazera said:

what is holding you back in that regard?

i am currently in my house studying for an IT job

11 hours ago, bazera said:

What are the ways for you to meet new friends and develop new social connections? 

i will meet some people when i get a job.

 

Edited 14 hours ago by Ramanujan

[Ramanujan]

9 hours ago, Rigel said:

The catch 22 with all of this is that feeling lonely is not attractive at all. It makes you needy and desperate which healthy people can smell off of you.

so sad

 

9 hours ago, Rigel said:

Having healthy relationships will make your life beautiful and better but you can’t get that if you’re not somewhat exuberant with your energies without the need for anyone’s approval.

ok

[Ramanujan]

@Rishabh R what is your loneliness like. are you lonely. 

[Rishabh R]

@Ramanujan Nope despite being single I am not lonely .

[Olaf]

you can be lonely in company, probably getting friends will make you feel less lonely then getting a girlfriend. What a girlfriend does do is she opens you up and make you be more vunerable and if she is the wrong one, she will use that against you, but lets say that is the right one, then it can be very healing. I would recommend to learn pick up, purely for the sake of learning social skills, it is fun to do and you learn allot about the world and about yourself. 

[Davino]

@Ramanujan It must be very hard brother. Hopefully one day you get high quality meaningful connection with men and women.

[Jirh]

Nothing can cure loneliness except being okay with being lonely.

People try to fill the gap with all sorts of things, drugs, doom scrolling, sex, work, spirituality, etc...

Anything can act as a buffer from facing the truth of life, that you were born alone and will die alone.

Everything and everyone is just for the ride.

[Sincerity]

You feel lonely because you lack connection. Connection is necessary.

This connection can be with a person or, more directly, with Reality itself. Which you can have even while being „single”. Ultimately, connection with a person is just a subset of a connection with Reality. It’s the latter that you really want, but most people can only satisfy that through the former.

”Being okay with being single/lonely” is simply satisfying your need for connection yourself through connection to Reality/God/Yourself. You can learn to do that. Just start doing it.

[LordFall]

11 hours ago, Ramanujan said:

i hate this aspect of friendship. i want someone to like me for who i am. but that is not how it works ig

india

dating happens in places like big cities. 

 

I think that's a fair initial take. Maybe it feels like too much effort or unfair to have to put so much work for a lot of people to value you.

Look at your profile picture though, it's of Srinivasa Ramanujan. That's not a random guy who you just like for who he is, right? He's a famous Indian mathematician who contributed a lot to the world and people recognized him for the value he brought.

Why are you on Actualized.org, do you like Leo for who he is or what he brings to the world? 

Once you find something interesting to do with your life and share it with others, I think you will run into the opposite problem and have too many people that want to hang out with you bro! 

Don't give up, you got this. India is a great place to meet women, you should build a brand and soon you can host events in big cities and once again meet too many girls.

Do you like the movie industry? I myself am looking to build a brand around Bollywood, Tollywood and Kollywood. The movie industry in India is very powerful and I'm getting into the entertainment business in terms of music and modelling so films I'm also looking closely at.

You didn't tell us what you liked and are good at doing, start with that and you'll find other like-minded people that are open to building cool things with you! 

Send a message to @Deepak sadhwani he lives in India as well, maybe he'll be down to be your friend and hang out in person. We do weekly accountability calls he's a good guy. I don't know how far you guys live from each other maybe like 20 hours and it won't work but maybe like 1 hour and it's aligned! 

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall