How Are Ya’ll Really Doing?

[Miguel1]

Closing the year, I want this thread to be a safe place for you to share your true feelings, and to for example, share what you are currently struggling with the most? What is making you sad? Hopeless?

Is there something you are truly proud of and happy about? Maybe something you achieved this year?

Let us try to find more clarity and peace going into the new year.

[Miguel1]

Currently I struggle deeply with integrating the unconsciousness of the world, as I become more conscious. I feel like as an extrovert, this work is much harder because I crave human connections much more than introverts. As the gap between me and the general gravity of the world grows further apart, it makes me more and more sad because of the lack of connection to anyone, especially in real life. Here on this forum, we have like-minded people but it will never be the same as having real life soul-friends to share small and big moments with.

Once in a blue moon, I meet a more solid stage green girl (who dont have too much inner baggage / or has healed them) to share intimate moments with, and that makes me happy. But to mee this person, I have to go through a lot of unconsciousness first. Too much.

On top of this all, I am most likely something along the lines of a highly sensitive person / highly empathetic person etc. I feel the pain of others’ and the world’s intimately deeply. An emotional sponge so to say. Probably the reason why I want to help the world so much. It is very existentially heavy to see so much pain and suffering around.

I also struggle deeply to make conscious business work. I have sacrificed almost everything to make it work, but the devil is always lurking around the corner tempting me with sweets. This is directly connected with the point above where the general gravity of people is at a level where it really is hard to reach them by being more conscious.

That being said, I am happy that I have kept loyalty to Truth, at least much better than I believed I could. I am happy that I have a really beautiful vision with very unique strenghts and traits to reach that — that I can bring something truly unique to the world.

I am proud of myself for growing so much throughout the years. So damn much. How can someone grow this much? I just turned 31 physically but I feel like I am way older mentally and emotionally. The deep inner work for the past 15 years, four extremely painful break-ups, the hard spiritual work and the constant facing of soul-crushing truths about life, human nature and finally, spiritual fantasies. My God. I am surprised I haven’t gone mad and killed myself!

That being said, all these has led me to an ever deeper connection to Truth, God, and Reality. Something I am most proud of.

I have a really beautiful small home on the highest floor (6th) with a full ocean view (near the centrum of Helsinki, which is very rare to have here or probably anywhere on that note). I have showered this home with so much love that it has blossomed into a graceful and elegant flower. It is my safe place.

I love how I treat my body. I live a very healthy lifestyle and that makes me happy.

I am grateful that I can make decent income and live very comfortably by doing work that is fairly conscious. It is just nowhere at the level where I would want to reach with my highly ambitious self. But let us take one step at a time. Many years left in my life.

Finally, I do have a best friend who is Dutch and lives in Amsterdam. His name is Olaf. He also follows the work we do here but not just on this forum. I love you brother, thank you for being my friend all these years and growing together.

How are you guys doing?

Edited 14 hours ago by Miguel1

[integration journey]

Overwhelmed because I’m turning 27 on new years day and survival is biting my ass while I try to align myself with God and truth. 

[Terell Kirby]

In 2025, i'm less dependent on validation from socializing- much of that is a result of this work.

But I do need to be careful not isolate, deep understanding of the structure of reality can make you retreat into your own Mind-there are profound tradeoffs as it relates to human relationships.

I am also an extrovert (ENFP on Myers Briggs to be exact), so I admit I get energy from socializing and relating to humans. Bringing that in balance with time with God is challenging, but a worthy endeavor.

I'm also auditing my career path, getting it more aligned with my value system in 2026

[Entrepreneur]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

Currently I struggle deeply with integrating the unconsciousness of the world, as I become more conscious.

As the gap between me and the general gravity of the world grows further apart, it makes me more and more sad because of the lack of connection to anyone, especially in real life.

I also struggle deeply to make conscious business work. I have sacrificed almost everything to make it work, but the devil is always lurking around the corner tempting me with sweets. This is directly connected with the point above where the general gravity of people is at a level where it really is hard to reach them by being more conscious.

I'd love to understand what you mean here.   Are you just saying you don't meet many people that you feel you really connect with deeply?

I am exceptionally empathetic as you state you are.  And I rarely find someone I connect with fully.   But I don't attribute any of it to being conscious vs unconscious.   I am wondering what you even mean by that.   Can you please explain it to someone who doesn't understand it?

[Miguel1]

29 minutes ago, Entrepreneur said:

I'd love to understand what you mean here.   Are you just saying you don't meet many people that you feel you really connect with deeply?

I am exceptionally empathetic as you state you are.  And I rarely find someone I connect with fully.   But I don't attribute any of it to being conscious vs unconscious.   I am wondering what you even mean by that.   Can you please explain it to someone who doesn't understand it?

As an extreme example, think of a highly empathetic stage green person trying to connect with a very violent stage red person. How would the stage green person feel? Except in this case, the person doesnt even get triggered / angry at the lower developed person because they understand where they are at, and that that’s what they need.

So in a way, it’s almost a complete disengagement.

Another way you can look at it is how do you feel around children? Yeah they are cute, innocent, and all but there’s not much to connect with on a deeper level. On top of that, in this case the children are not cute, nor innocent, and they carry guns with lots of selfish and unconscious selfish drivers and triggers!

So it is not really a complete disengagement as you have to engage with them and their unconsciousness in order to survive, and try to do your best to help them grow up and clean up, otherwise they will cause massive suffering to everything and everyone on the planet.

Hope this answered you. And why don’t you take this moment, and express to us your current feelings and thoughts about your life, as we enter the new year?

Edited 12 hours ago by Miguel1

[Entrepreneur]

12 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

As an extreme example, think of a highly empathetic stage green person trying to connect with a very violent stage red person. How would the stage green person feel? Except in this case, the person doesnt even get triggered / angry at the lower developed person because they understand where they are at, and that that’s what they need.

So in a way, it’s almost a complete disengagement.

Another way you can look at it is how do you feel around children? Yeah they are cute, innocent, and all but there’s not much to connect with on a deeper level. On top of that, in this case the children are not cute, nor innocent, but they carry guns with lots of selfish and unconscious selfish drivers and triggers.

So it is not really a complete disengagement as you have to engage with them and their unconsciousness in order to survive, and try to do your best to help them grow up and clean up, otherwise they will cause massive suffering to everything and everyone on the planet.

Hope this answered you. And why don’t you take this moment, and express to us your current feelings and thoughts about your life, as we enter the new year?

Thank you for the explanation.   It makes more sense now.

I don't resonate with the whole spiral dynamics model of human values or societies.   I find it inferior because I think the assertion that Green, Yellow, or Turquoise are any more evolved in any way than Red, Blue, or Orange is just wrong.   I see them as choices based on a person's circumstances and upbringing, but having zero to do with being more developed or less developed.   I also realize that is probably a very unpopular view on this forum.   Just saying what I honestly believe from studying humans my entire life.   If you buy into the spiral dynamics explanation, then yes, I could see why you think these other people around you are "less developed".   I just don't see them that way.  I merely see them as people who have made different choices because of how human beings are designed.

Thank you for asking about my feelings and thoughts about my life as we enter the new year.

Honestly, I feel a deeper sense of satisfaction and gratitude in my life than I ever have.  I have made vast progress on many goals that most of you would label as being stage "Orange" goals.   But I chose, and continue to choose, similar ones after deep contemplation over many decades.  I am a spiritual person, but it is not at the top of my Pyramid.   What the Greeks call "Eudaimonia" is.   So I seek more of it from many different sources.   And the more of it I bring into my life through these so-called stage "Orange" pursuits, the happier and more satisfying my life has become.   So, I intend to stay on this track.

One thing I would like to make further progress on is practicing radical acceptance of those things in life that are upsetting, yet outside of my control.

[aurum]

I will soon be launching another personal development product. This is the first time I've done so in years.

I'm very excited about it. I deliberately did not create any paid products for a long time because they did not meet my standards. Finally, I have something that feels ready. It's my best work by far. It feels like the culmination of years and years of work for me. Maybe a handful of people on the planet are in a position to produce this besides myself.

[CARDOZZO]

I'm work hard to integrate stage orange and stage yellow. 

Archetypes: Warrior, Monk, Pioneer, Innovator, Inventor.

[Bjorn K Holmstrom]

@Miguel1 I resonate deeply with what you call the 'general gravity' of the world.

I am currently building infrastructure for civilizational resilience (a digital platform for crisis coordination). The struggle isn't the work itself (I love the building). The struggle is the 'Cassandra Complex': trying to sell fire insurance to people who don't believe in fire.

I oscillate between two modes:

Being an architect: Feeling the immense weight of the 'Omega' (the systemic collapse vectors) and the urgency to build the lifeboat before the storm hits, kind of like Noah.

Being a ghost: Feeling invisible because the ideas I am working on seem too heavy or too abstract for the current market, which wants quick dopamine hits.

I did however finally explain my work to my father, who could understand at least partially, and came with important feedback, and provided a new connection via email. I'm very grateful for my family, and it doesn't matter that they are not 'stage yellow' like me, in fact it is all the better that they are not, without our differences we wouldn't be as strong and resilient as we are. Though I would love a clone to help me do more work. =)

Becoming a beaver: This leads to my challenge for 2026: to stop trying to convince the river to stop flowing, and just focus on building the dam. To trust that when the rain starts, the value of the work will become self-evident.

But yes, building the future in a world clinging to the past is lonely work. Thank you for this thread.

Edited 9 hours ago by Bjorn K Holmstrom

[ZenSwift]

I've got a crash-out letter I wrote a few weeks ago that I want to clean up and post here. 

[Ulax]

Love the post bro! 

This year I finally escaped out of a place of my life having fallen apart. I am very grateful to no longer be non-functional, and finally able to pursue my goals more confidently. Emotional issues still there seriously, but I have positive momentum.

Currently coming to the end of an 'Intro to political philosophy' Yale lecture series I've taken fall notes on. 

And I'm currently in my third part of an 8 part cybersecurity course. Which is a career path i'm committing to for awhile.

 

[Hojo]

Been sleeping alot, feels good. I learned if you sleep then wake up for a couple hours then go back to sleep you will have insane dreams. Im flying through infinities.

Edited 8 hours ago by Hojo

[LoneWonderer]

I'm struggling with clear vision of my trajectory moving into 2026 and beyond. There are things I'm aiming on achieving and goals I'm setting but they are not particularly enriching to the soul. Survival practical goals? Sure lots of that stuff taking place in 26' but those are limited in enriching one's experience here in this human life. 

I want to begin to be present in my life and body which I've spent my entire life being disconnected from. A really difficult challenge yet rewarding path moving forward would be dedicating true time to contemplation and a meditation or Kriya yoga practice.

I also want to work more on rediscovering my own unique artistic style and grow in my artistic endeavors after stopping all my art 8 years ago. I had been a quite successful amateur photographer on the socials for 9 years all through my teens, I'd even been accepted into one of Denmark's top art/ digital media schools. Somewhere along the road i'd sacrificed my originality and creativity for content my audience liked and algorithms favored, it all became a downwards spiral from there and it ended with me deleting a quite successful socials account with all my years of work.

These are just some thoughts I've been having as of the past half year but haven't acted upon yet.

Edited 6 hours ago by LoneWonderer

[Lyubov]

I’m doing well… living life… with a lot of ups and downs. MY dad just turned 75, I’m working full time, I’m moving to a new country, I’m married supporting two people. Seeing a parent get old and approach the end of their life comes with grief. Life can ver very stressful for me and I’ve never had this much responsibility before. Sometimes I create a lot of fear… I need to really be here for me inner child. Life can be very challenging sometimes and beautiful simultaneously. I’m very blessed. 

[Rishabh R]

@Miguel1 Right now what I am struggling with is feeling angry from a past insult of mine. I curse that girl mentally.I have angry thoughts wishing violence and bad luck to her. However, it's useless because that event has passed away and I must realise that she treated me based on her perception of me which is not true. Also I have noticed that when I am alone these feelings pop up but when I am at work I don't have those feelings.

I think the solution is to let those thoughts happen naturally .

Also , I am proud of getting into a job training at a company shortly after graduating from my college.

 

Edited 3 hours ago by Rishabh R

[BlueOak]

Hate the world and almost everyone running it. 
Love the people day to day, and the small local community for the most part respects me and I get on well with most everyone. I walked down the road the other day and got 3 honks of the horns before i'd even got down the road.

Met a girl. Its gone really well. Her daughter and I get on too.
Fast though. I missed waking up with her today as I stayed a night in my own place, but I have a tendency to pull back to need days for myself. I mean free of work or anyone else. I just like alone time.

I've stopped writing to make time; I don't feel the need so much when I have that closeness with another, although I miss the hobby.

I want to do a business again as my work hours dip to 30 at this time of year till about March/April. So I have time to plan, but yesterday and today I just wanted to rest in the time I had; I had a shift yesterday but only a half day.

Right now (lunchtime) I am deciding between learning a skill that combines writing with something practical and another large business project with my business partner. And honestly, I don't know. I can't keep working where I am, the place is nice, the people are but I need more from my life and career. 

Mother is still bed ridden, dad and I can talk but otherwise i've no interest, brother looks like he's clean but i've seen that before many times, at least he's had a stable girlfriend/job for a while now.

Edited 2 hours ago by BlueOak

[Michal__]

Shitty. It turns out I am going to owe about 3 months in taxes.