How to face loneliness?

[TheGod]

It’s very clear to me that all my life I’ve been running away from loneliness. I think 99.99% of the people do it as well. All activities that we do as humans are just distractions, even the most elaborated ones like pursuing your life purpose or going on retreats with other people. Everything is designed to keep you away from loneliness. 
But what is it that we are running from actually ? Today, when I was walking in the park in the late evening with no soul around me I tried to feel deeply how it feels and it didn’t feel good. The way it feels to me is like scary emptiness and numbness covered in overwhelming craving for companionship or distraction. 
It recently hit me that my life purpose is to face loneliness, the rest is just a distraction from this main thing.

The question is what it takes to actually face it and get completely comfy with it ?

It’s also very clear to me that most of enlightened gurus haven’t transcended this, otherwise why would they be teaching ? 
 

[Ramasta9]

What we call loneliness is really just the mind reacting to emptiness. When there’s nothing to distract it, it panics, it feels like something’s missing, but if you stay with that feeling long enough, without trying to escape or fix it, it starts to change. You begin to notice that underneath the ache is just being itself, quiet, peaceful, whole. 

Facing loneliness means letting yourself fully feel it, without judgment. Not trying to get “comfortable,” but allowing it to be there until the part of you that resists it softens. In time, what felt like emptiness starts to feel like spaciousness, the same stillness that all the great teachers point to.

As for enlightened teachers, that’s an astute observation. Some teach because the impulse of life moves through them that way, not from loneliness but from fullness. Others may still be human, still integrating... enlightenment doesn’t always erase human texture.

Blessings 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Are you wanting others - or simply distraction, entertainment?

I have rarely felt lonely throughout my life.

When I experience a situation as you describe: alone, walking in late evening - I never feel alone. I never feel empty or 'not good'. I feel completely immersed in the experience of reality. The warm spring air, the new grass and flowers. The colours of the sunset as beams stretch out to touch the horizon. The soft birdsong and tinkle of the river. 

There is so much in our experience - how rich it is. I don't want to miss it.

I cannot feel alone with all of this beauty surrounding me. 

Nothing lasts, so I cherish the moment....

Are you distracted from noticing all within your experience?

[Leo Gura]

Just be alone and enjoy it. Notice that nothing is wrong or missing.

You literally need no one and nothing.

There is a lot of culture programming you need to undo in order to realize you are just fine alone.

You are not going to overcome it without spending weeks and months all alone doing nothing. That's what solo meditation retreats are for.

Really Awakening is necessary because without Awakening you haven't conquered boredom. Awakening is about boredom killing the ego.

Realistically it will requires spending years sitting alone. This is not a small task you accomplish in a few weekends.

I can go months without talking to humans.

Edited 7 hours ago by Leo Gura

[bazera]

@Leo Gura

Quote

I can go months without talking to humans.

Including talking via internet? Like this forum, youtube comments, social media, messengers, etc?

I was under the illusion myself that I liked being alone, but the it hit me that when I'm physicall alone (since I live alone and work from home), I'm constantly connected to dozens of people through group chats / forums / etc. And that actually being alone is really painful and I'm constantly distracting myself.

I think you meant removing all that shit, right? Just yourself and your mind.

Edited 6 hours ago by bazera

[Lyubov]

What Leo said is correct, and is really the culmination for all painful emotions and experiences where you’re not as one. I think some people each have a different story and all of our lives are different so there may be some different story or painful experience but it culminates in the same thing. You are spiritually valuable whole and one as you are. The human / ego / inner child side really needs shepherding, this is where yin and yang come in. You are gentle, loving and accepting of your human side who believes it needs people’s attention and approval to be whole, that’s fine. We accept that and recognize that aspect of human life. We then focus our energy beyond it towards that which is always whole here and now and will never leave you or change (unlike people who do come and go). There will be this natural flow and recognition where you start to align with what’s true and feel at peace. Keep in mind  this isn’t a race and doesn’t have to be forced. It’s little by little each day with no timeline or finish line. I myself am still working on this amongst the plethora of other beliefs I have. A lot of mine circle around me being a “bad person” due to disapproval from my parents and beliefs that I can’t cope with the changes in the world and not being good enough because of this. The thing is that we live in modern society with responsibilities that offer us each a unique path back home. Trust the natural unfolding with your uniqueness.

[UnbornTao]

Quote

Do you know what loneliness means? Some of you may be unfamiliar with that word, but you know the feeling very well. You try going out for a walk alone, or being without a book, without someone to talk to, and you will see how quickly you get bored. You know that feeling well enough, but you don't know why you get bored, you have never inquired into it. If you inquire a little into boredom you will find that the cause of it is loneliness. It is in order to escape from loneliness that we want to be together, we want to be entertained, to have distractions of every kind: gurus, religious ceremonies, prayers, or the latest novels. Being inwardly lonely we become mere spectators in life; and we can be the players only when we understand loneliness and go beyond it.

After all, most people marry and seek other social relationships because they don't know how to live alone. Not that one must live alone; but, if you marry because you want to be loved, or if you are bored and use your job as a means of forgetting yourself, then you will find that your whole life is nothing but an endless search for distractions. Very few go beyond this extraordinary fear of loneliness; but one must go beyond it, because beyond it lies the real treasure.

- J. Krishnamurti

Edited 2 hours ago by UnbornTao

[bazera]

@Leo Gura

Quote

Really Awakening is necessary because without Awakening you haven't conquered boredom

With Awakening here, do you mean some crazy levels of consciousness you tend to talk about lately?

Or some enlightenment experiences (ones you had years ago) would do?

You talk about the spectrum of Awakening and degrees of it, so can boredom be dealt with if one has milder version of Awakening?

[UnbornTao]

4 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Are you wanting others - or simply distraction, entertainment?

I have rarely felt lonely throughout my life.

When I experience a situation as you describe: alone, walking in late evening - I never feel alone. I never feel empty or 'not good'. I feel completely immersed in the experience of reality. The warm spring air, the new grass and flowers. The colours of the sunset as beams stretch out to touch the horizon. The soft birdsong and tinkle of the river. 

There is so much in our experience - how rich it is. I don't want to miss it.

I cannot feel alone with all of this beauty surrounding me. 

Nothing lasts, so I cherish the moment....

Are you distracted from noticing all within your experience?

I'd add that it is a deeper condition than we might initially think. I enjoy solitude too.

Edited 2 hours ago by UnbornTao

[gettoefl]

4 hours ago, bazera said:

@Leo Gura

Including talking via internet? Like this forum, youtube comments, social media, messengers, etc?

I was under the illusion myself that I liked being alone, but the it hit me that when I'm physicall alone (since I live alone and work from home), I'm constantly connected to dozens of people through group chats / forums / etc. And that actually being alone is really painful and I'm constantly distracting myself.

I think you meant removing all that shit, right? Just yourself and your mind.

Online is good in that it shows you that you only ever talk to yourself and for your own benefit. Face to face that realization is harder.