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@Hello from Russia Yeah, I think if he continues to meditate at some point he will become full of his stage orange attachments and go through a similar transformation as we saw with Alex Becker.

"At the end of the day you're either a caterpillar or a butterfly, and the only way anyone will ever have even the slightest sense of what it means to be a butterfly is to become one. There are no butterfly experts among the caterpillars, despite innumerable claims to the contrary" - Jed McKenna Butterflies don't meditate. "Do you think you can clear your mind by sitting constantly in silent meditation? This makes your mind narrow, not clear." Lao-Tzu Huahujing “If your purpose is to medicate dukkha,...then meditate. If your wish is bodhi,...practice absolute bodhicitta.” a Chan saying. Hui Neng said that meditation is unnecessary, and warned that such practice can easily become a narcotic. "Free yourself from meditation, practice non-meditation" - Kyergangpa Chökyi Senge "The practice of meditation is represented by the three monkeys, who cover their eyes, ears and mouths so as to avoid the phenomenal world. The practice of non-meditation is ceasing to be the see-er, hearer or speaker while eyes, ears and mouths are fulfilling their function in daily life." - Wei Wu Wei "in my regard there is no view on which to meditate" - Kunje Gyalpo "You don't need to meditate for hours and hours to attain inner peace. You need only to see, feel, and act from the heart." Kung Fu Panda "Meditation is about repetition, whereas Non-meditation is observing something totally new in every moment. If you want to connect with the open, spacious quality of mind, at some point you have to stop trying to meditate." Lama Willa B Miller "The state of non-meditation is born in the heart...." Jigme Lingpa "meditation and religious teachings are all gentle deceptions meant to soothe the inner coward, not forge the inner hero." Jed McKenna Historically, Siddhartha Gautama was near dead from meditation when a young girl named Sujata (likely a dakini) offered him some food (perhaps rice cooked in milk). Some say a state of appreciation filled him from this meal, and others as he recovered his physical strength, through a state of appreciation, he realized the nature of Dependent Origination from which suffering arises. As for LSD,...I've used it over 300 times and never had a "bad trip." Perhaps LSD is not your "cup of tea." Psilocybin was my food of choice,...but from what you wrote, I wouldn't recommend that for you. Bad trips arise from Me Stories,...thus, the best thing you could do for yourself is find and let go of as many personal truths as you can. Personal truths are always lies. Conditions cannot enter the Unconditional,...although the medicated and the media-ted believe otherwise. Don't seek truth,...in your condition that is futile. "We need to draw our attention to what is false in us, for unless we learn to recognize the false as the false, there can be no lasting transformation, and you will always be drawn back into illusion, for that is how the false perpetuates itself" Eckhart Tolle "The real seeker of truth never seeks truth. On the contrary, she tries to clean herself of all that is untrue, inauthentic, insincere." Chandra Mohan Jain "What is false need not be remedied, it merely needs to be seen as false." Wu Hsin

Remember wrote: " this is because you quote a lot instead of experiencing what divinity actually is - as if you knew. theism and divine are not the same, one is an -ism. (and isms are mostly red or blue even buddhism if it is an -ism) also you contradict yourself a lot. (headache program, sorry to say - if you expected an answer hope this is satisfactory enough) " Yes,...Green's (SD 6) believe they are at the top of knowledge, and in a way they are, because at Yellow (SD ) begins a shift to gnowledge. Thanks for your response,...it says you are not Yellow (SD 7) "open to learning at any time and from any source, like bees that gather nectar from many flowers," and surely not higher, as per your beliefs about things divine have been rejected by Buddha, Lao-tzu, Tilopa, Guan Yin, and every known Awakened Being. "Contradictions in perspective among those Seeing the profound do not occur" – Taranatha. And yes,...was so thrilled to come across this Discussuon Forum ( even perhaps having an opportunity to commune with some Kindred Spirits). Considering Kindred Spirits that may come upon this Turquoise (SD 8) thread, instead of commenting on your post,...I'll finish with a few points on things divine, and their place in the One Space-Time; even though my above post on Turquoise (SD 8) was rather complete. Brahma, God, Creator, Allah, all things Divine,... ARE NOT,...nor synonymous with The Tao, Tathagata or Source. The Tao or Tathagata or Source is like a Fulcrum,...they do not Come and Go (Zer0). The Lever is One (Brahma, God, Creator, Allah, all things Divine). Duality effects its motion (Yang-Yin energy) from the Lever. There is no One Lever without Duality, no Center without Boundary, no Here without a There. As quoted before,..."Sensing is but an electric tension set up by the seeming division of one into many which "strain" to fulfill their desire for Oneness" - Walter Russell. However, even ACIM agrees, it will never be found because it's not Real. Oneness and Duality are part of the same illusory loop. Years ago,...likely before Remember was incarnated,...I quested for God,...even attended Religious Studies through the Masters level at two universities and a college. When it could not be found, decided to seek this elusive idea in the Present, which meant I had to let go of all beliefs, even the quest for a God. The Present was uncovered,...and just as Buddha, Lao-tzu, Tilopa, Guan Yin, and every known Turquoise Being had realized,...there is no God or divine thing there. "You abandon completely all belief; you abandon every sort of way of hanging onto life. You accept your complete impermanence; the prospect of your death of vanishing into nothing whatsoever, you see, and of not being able to control anything, of being at the mercy of what is completely other than you, and you let go of that, you see, this means that you even get rid of any God whatsoever, to do it fully. You don't have a thing left to cling to." Alan Watts. To Remember,...this is likely not your incarnation for Truth Realization,...however, an Eastern quote comes to mind that could be helpful in your predicament,...perhaps even posting it on your refrigerator: “Start knowing what you really know, and stop believing what you really don’t know. Somebody asks you. “Is there a God?” and you say, “Yes, God is.” Remember: Do you really know? If you don’t know, please don’t say that you do. Say, “I don’t know.”. . . False knowing is the enemy of true knowledge. All beliefs are false knowledge." And re-member: "In pursuit of knowledge, every day something is acquired. In pursuit of wisdom, every day something is dropped." - Lao Tzu "The real seeker of truth never seeks truth. On the contrary, she tries to clean herself of all that is untrue, inauthentic, insincere." Chandra Mohan Jain "We need to draw our attention to what is false in us, for unless we learn to recognize the false as the false, there can be no lasting transformation, and you will always be drawn back into illusion, for that is how the false perpetuates itself" Eckhart Tolle “Positive thinking does not bring you consistent peace. Positive and negative are attributes of duality. Positive means there's an opposite that you're trying to avoid. Negative means there's an opposite you're trying to attain. This keeps you in a constant state of avoiding, or attaining." Osho

@Ingit What is your question? Formulating straightforward and effective questions is a decisive part of any type of transformation.

There's no mystery here. You can have total understanding of life's greatest metaphysical questions but not necessarily have it reflected in your outward behavior. What he means when he says, "I have all the answers" is existential answers, not survival answers. Existential answers do not requires any outward behaviors. You can have many existential answers but still be an asshole. The mistake here is conflating awakening itself with transformation of the mind, body, and human self. Having awakenings is relatively easy while changing the structures and habits of the mind is much harder and takes a long time of sustained practice. Also, nothing about awakening requires the guy to stay with his wife and family, or conform to any other kind of social expectations. They are projecting those expectations onto him. The expectations of how an enlightened person ought to behave. Nothing says that an enlightened person ought to act nice towards you. The problem here is conflating issues of Absolute Truth with survival. Just because you are conscious of Absolute Truth does not mean you'll be good at managing money or family. Nor does it even mean you will feel positive. These are all separate issues. One of things awakening tends to do is make one uninterested in mundane survival issues. As they are seen to be trivial.

@DreamScape Don't be afraid to tell your parents how you feel and let them know if they act in ways that are hurtful to you. Such conversations might not be popular with them, but through following through on what you feel and need emotionally, just through the grace of honest communication with your parents, you will see transformation happening for you and for your family as well. You have a wonderful opportunity to transform your family, but not in a direct way, nor through any way you'd wish to change them. But through the power of vulnerability and communication. Through statements such as 'You know mom when you say that that's actually pretty hurtful and makes me feel horrible.', if that statement isn't very popular with your parents, and they accuse you of things like 'talking back' or 'being rude' and 'being ungrateful', know that that's just their ego being defensive and their shame acting out. But don't be afraid to stand your ground and do what's best for you. The good news is, that most of what your kundalini energy brings up is in some way going to be related to your parents and to the dynamic you have with them. Therefor healthy communication will not only transform your family, but assist your kundalini awakening in the bests way possible. Your healing will be their healing, they just probably haven't gotten on board yet, and that's okay. Being 17 and going through an awakening puts you in a very unusual position, where you are transforming the karma and the density for the people who you are dependent on financially and physically. Embrace this. It can get messy, it can get weird, and it will get chaotic, but know that it can only be for the awakening of consciousness and the transformation of your lineage. Good luck. PS: I had a Kundalini awakening just out of highschool and am still healing (now in my 4th year of university) while still being a very much integral part of my family and being dependent financially, but the relationships in our family have never been better. It can still sometimes get uncomfortable when I have to stand up for myself and put a boundary against my parents (I come from a narcisssistic family so there's no easy way to do this), but it always leads to healing. By the way a part of me is very excited to see someone going through a similar thing I have been going through. I feel much less alone

Part 1 Footprints to Ox's tail ☯️ Part 2 Riding the Ox Backwards Part 3 The Cloth Bag Monk This is what I got from those clips: God (No-self, nothingness, no external environment, no embodiment, the absolute, Truth) --> Everythingness (You literally become everything.) --> Godhead (Singularity, white/black hole, Riding the Ox Backwards, flow) --> To love realm --> Ego: embodiment in mind, body, world, universe (The arrow means transformation. When this is occurring, there is no distance between you, the absolute, and everything else. There are no dimensions. Everything is one all the time. I said "white hole" only because everythingness came together and formed a singularity. So, it looks "white.") God's Arrow Going from God, to singularity, to ego. Always happening. Always going through us. Traps What is interesting to me is, he mentioned the Power of Realms trap. To me, this means being hooked on pursuing anything in the "everythingness realm," or being obsessed with it. Realms are phenomena. They are infinite. There are just more and more. If there's no realm, then that's God because everything is one. God is not a realm. In one ear and out the other...this is one of my favorite. How are you going to pass on the message once you get it? The other yous will not listen. Too woo-woo for "them." Even Shinzen Young is using metaphors to describe it. Once you become one with everything, everything is you. While you are God, you will understand that the experience is not grandiose. How can it be grandiose? It's just you, and only you, God, exists, and transforming into yourself by yourself without separation. It's only when you embody back into your ego that you'll think that it's grandiose. Initially, you may think that the experience is "big" and you're "small." This is the mind misinterpreting the experience. The experience literally has no separation or distance. Please share insights.

@Girzo no problem! And I feel you. But honestly I think there’s a big difference in an almost vegan diet, which can be very broad, there’s tons foods that are vegan that can really irritate our bodies imo, even some whole foods like grains and legumes can be very hard to digest for some people and be problematic, and a fully raw fruit based vegan diet. If you’ve never experienced going a considerable amount of time eating fully raw, at least 30 days excluding all cooked foods, all animal products, eating relatively low fat (less than 20% of your total calories coming from fat) and being sure that you’re still consuming the amount of calories that your body needs from fresh fruits and vegetables. (Mostly fruit and leafy greens is how I personally eat) You might be very surprised at the complete transformation and healing that can happen not only to your body, but your mind, and can even help immensely with spiritual work imo. Of course though, going fully raw vegan can take a lot of time to fully transition into. But, you could possibly give it a 30 day trial just to see what it effects it has, it could potentially be life changing.

Ultimately you won't be able to do Self-Love without some deep awakenings and a transformation of your baseline state of consciousness. You must do practices like Kriya yoga to purify your body and mind. Thinking about love is not gonna cut it.

Uniquely expressing ideas from my own experiences in life which affect others deeply and help them to resolve the disparities in their own lives regarding transformation of being. To connect deeply with others through the written word. I really have no interest in becoming a public personality other than maybe a having some degree of credibility with my ability to express through writing, ideas which connects with others on a deep level. Specifically others who struggle the greatest with resolving their own existential crises. Its an idea which often feeds me inspiration. This is in spite of having no training in composition or of being a writer.

@electroBeam I don't recall increased heart beat, I wasn't noticing such fine distictions during the worst part in my case. I'm sure my ego could've focused on that if it wanted to. I have actually had uncomfortable sensations in my chest lately, but it started before the trip. I was hoping that I'd release with psilocybin but I think I need to visit a doctor and check myself I don't think I really overcame the fear, I was freaking out until I forgot all about it due to the fact that all of creation made a quantum leap transformation. Thank you all for reading and commenting, I find it extremely meaningful to be able to not only partake in this work but to also share my experiences to help other actualizers. I wanted to write a small update, 4 days later: The first night, just after the trip I slept like a log with no dreams as far as I can remember. The second night I woke up in the middle of the night with a vivid memory of being God, like I had gone back there while I was sleeping. It was frightening. In my head I could hear the sound of my own voice going WHAAAAAT. The exact same happened on the third night. In the evening before the fourth night I had quite a bit of anxiety, before I fell asleep I was in bed and meditated for 40 mins+. Focusing on my breathing and allowing energy to be transported to the top of my head. I was also using an Orgonite Pyramid and a Don Croft Terminator Zapper at the time. This night I had 2-3 experiences of being back again, the last one being the most vivid one so far. It was a bit more than a memory, I could stay with the experience for a while and it didn't fade immediately as I noticed it. Also, the night lamps that were on had a glowing reddish hue, almost as if there had been a psilocybin reactivation. This is the morning after that, I still have a lot of anxiety. I definitely feel torn between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand I face my habitual disinterest/disappointment with physical reality and on the other hand I am now terrified of the stripped and perfect higher realms. It could also be that I'm organically letting go off negative tensions that I've held onto for a long while, resulting in the anxiety. Stuff like that is expected when going through powerful experiences like this. I'll get by the best I can and meditate when I need to, I feel it helps and is perhaps extra crucial at times like this.

Well... I think it can go both ways. Burning yourself in public to protest against the soviet regime doesn't sound like an appealing way to die for me personally. I'm very much focused on internal transformation as opposed to external change. As far as his perspective is concerned... Really, it's still a matter of attitude. He can do it feeling greed for paradise, he can do it in rage, he can do it feeling pride for being willing to make such a sacrifice, feeling superior for having done it. He could've also been in failing in life and ending up in hopelessness and despair. At such a point, using the excuse of being a martyr is a good excuse to commit suicide, whilst suicide was something he wanted to do regardless. This is also a possibility. So all of that would be coming from the ego. It could've also been possible that he did it in a very clear moment, where there was no struggle accomodated with it, and where his decision to do was just a very clear recognition that his consciousness called him forth at that moment to do that act. So really, the act itself is not necessarily indicative of the state of mind such a person is in.

Start with some introductory material by other authors. It's impossible to piece together his writings without either guidance or a really, really long time of study. There are two books I recommend starting with: 1. Anthony Stevens' "Jung". It's a very light introduction to Jung's ideas, but you'll also have a really wonderfully written biography of his life, which I feel is surprisingly helpful to understand his ideas. What kind of person was he, what was his background, when and how did he have his breakthroughs. It will be a good foundation that you can "hang" other knowledge on. 2. Murray Stein's "Jung's Map of the Soul". This is a proper introduction to Jung's ideas that is light, but also goes right to the core of them. These are books that won't necessarily make you a Jung fanatic, because they're not sexy, but they are extremely helpful as a foundation. If you now want to make Jung more sexy and just get a general feel for how to look at him, you can binge-watch Jordan Peterson lectures (which gets Jung wrong sometimes, but I wouldn't worry about it since you're still gonna learn after this), or people on this forum or Actualized videos. After that, you can start on Jung's own writings (finally! lol). I recommend starting with Man and His Symbols. It was written for a more general audience and is super interesting and has a lot of illustrations and dream interpretation and is easy to read. Symbols of Transformation is great because it analyzes fairytales and dreams and stuff. Psychological Types is also interesting if you're interested in personality psychology and typing (MBTI was built on this). After this you can start on Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious and Aion. This in many ways is the "core Jung". You won't understand these completely on first reading, but they'll give you a thorough understanding of the archetypes! They also include grand analyses of western civilization that requires that you are more historically, religiously and philosophically aware, but don't worry about it. After this you can go down the road of the alchemical psychology writings (Psychology and Alchemy, Mysterium Conjunctionis). This is crazy shit. Don't start here. Hope this helps!

Hello, back in 2013 a book got published about, how the stage yellow would adjust the economics system in order to improve growth of society according to the Spiral Dynamics Model. Has anyone read the book? What do you think? I in the process of getting it... Links: BOOK: "MEMEnomics: The Next Generation Economic System" – September 7, 2013 * - Amazon link - book: by Said Elias Dawlabani (Author), Don E. Beck (Foreword) * - https://www.amazon.com/MEMEnomics-Next-Generation-Economic-System/dp/1590799968 VIDEO: Economic Systems and the Emerging Values of Humanity: Don Beck & Said Dawlabani * - Don Beck, author of "Spiral Dynamics", & Said Dawlabani, creator of MEMEnomics, walk us through the Spiral Dynamics model of understanding the evolutionary transformation of human values and cultures - and how that applies to economics. * - link:

Through my insight work I will try to define 3 terms and what they mean to me Ego tripping Ego inflating Ego tricking. Ego tripping - this is the most basic thing that a person does to help his ego. Let's a say a teenager learns a skill just to master others in the group. A woman takes a lot of selfies to get the attention of everyone to herself in the classroom. Both are examples of how people love attention seeking and doing things that help pump up their Egos. They can fall for it and this can be dangerous especially if they go too deep down the rabbit hole. Certain things can help. But not always. Sometimes it's difficult to keep up the false ego just like it's difficult to keep up with a mountain of lies. Ego inflating - you inflate your ego to make yourself better who you are. I mean you want to look better. Example. Let's say a guy says something like "I have a big house in New York." in reality he doesn't own a house at all. Ego tricking - this is about tricking others into feeling bad in return for a pay on your ego.. For example if a marketer says something like, "you have no idea how this scheme works. It works beautiful. For me this trick has always worked and given great results. It will for you too." the person who tries it does not get any benefits from that sort of investment or method and he feels miserable for even having tried it but he always has admiration and awe for the marketer believing that he is top notch and really telling the truth. All the lies fed to this person was an effort from the marketer to mask his failures and up his ego. To feed on the insecurities of people and claim them and make it look like he has achieved triumph over their insecurities meanwhile masking his own behind a mask of lies and deception and manipulations.. He doesn't wish to be questioned so he makes it sound like magic. In reality he is not himself to the test to prove it and he can only do the talk but can't prove shit..yet his yapping makes people believe him. He does this to create an elaborate blanket of security to hide those insecurities he is secretly dealing with that he doesn't want to be exposed so he already pitches tent in advance before an objection is even raised at him. Example - a dating coach.. He might come up with scenarios like how he got 100 girls by so and so technique. But in reality he never did. He never had a girlfriend or woman. But he never wants to be questioned for it in his business. That's his greatest insecurity and he doesn't want to feel like he doesn't have it so he creates lies and stories to make it seem like his dating history is awesome. And this is all a farce to keep his ego intact in public. Since he suffers from horrible insecurities with respect to dating he has chosen exactly the same field to create a blanket for his ego and make it sound like he is perfect.. This he does successfully by playing and feeding off other's insecurities with regard to dating. This works because people with insecurities are easiest to prey on, they readily believe that someone has it better than them, so they are less likely to ask for evidence or proof or question the audacity of the dating coach... This audacious covering up of the insecurities of the ego and tricking others to get an advantage out of it, I will call it chutzpah.. Although this is not the classic meaning of the word but I'll call it Ego Chutzpah. A beauty marketer. She might be advertising how wonderful a face cream is dealing with skin issues when she herself hasn't tried it. And she never had to. But she puts up fake before and after pictures to show what a transformation she has achieved with that cream. Meanwhile if she herself develops the skin problem that her clients complain about, she won't be able to solve it with the cream she sells to them. Now this was an example of massive deception.

@Yahya you are 15 so you can massively change in the course of one year! 15,16, 17, 18 are the transformational ages, but you have to take it seriously! one point of course is outer transformation, unfortunately that`s a part of the game of being part of the group - they probably are all into looks, fashion, music, coolness thing. so you could transform in one of these aspects like bridge to infinity says in point 3 for example. if you want to change, you can... also it would be interesting to know about the dynamics of people calling you names. is it one person? a group? usually there is a driving force behind it, one or two people in the center. are you usually alone or do you have friends around? hanging everywhere alone is usually one of the problems, so if you try to make one or two friends, this might stop the bullying. best is also to keep more to someone with a high status in the class but more because of social reasons. but any kind of koalition/friendship might work to improve the situation. try to figure out the political class dynamics.

Then what about sayings like "die to the self" and "deny thyself"? Aren't those about self-sacrifice? Or about becoming selfless? No. Absolutely not. It's about an awakening into a higher level of consciousness. When we wake up in the morning after having had a dream then we "die to the dream" one might say. So it's about a transformation, not about an actual death or destruction of the individual.

@Surfingthewave Not exactly sure. Perhaps I was subconsciously attracted to their pain bodies. One could say I have a thing for darkness I am able to see beauty in it. But I am obviously referring to my past experiences here. Expressing things here is just another way for me to shine light on my past and reach a deeper understanding of it. I doubt I'd be a match for similar relationships now. I've been going through a big transformation.

No, psychedelics can give you some amazing glimpses, but they will not do this kind of bodily transformation which takes decades of daily training. But then again, ordinary meditation and even awakening experiences themselves will also not give you this kind of super-natural degree of bodily transformation. You're asking for something which extremely few people have ever achieved via whatever methods. The only person who has a chance of achieving this is a full-time monk who has no life other than meditation/yoga. So even talking about such things is almost pointless because no one who is connected to the internet will ever achieve it. If you need guidance on how to achieve it, you will never achieve it.

@Preety_India I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, to be honest, but in my case, it was a bit of a necessity. I went through a Kundalini Awakening 7 years ago and struggled quite a bit to overcome some of its effects and to adjust physiologically. At the moment, all of my sexual energies are transmuted at the muladhara and channelled upwards to the sahasrara. This is a biological, as well as an energetic transformation and it is fuelled by the reproductive system. At the moment, it seems all the energy produced by it is needed for a higher spiritual purpose, but perhaps my priorities will change with time.

This 36-minute documentary/interview with Suresh Ramaswamy distills many key concepts about personal transformation into an easy-to-understand language. Wow.

@Charlotte I've watched Leo for a few years now, and used to browse this forum from time to time. I was a hardore seeker for a good 12-24 months, just kind of spinning my wheels and addicted to reading books and listening to teachers like Rupert Spira on YouTube, while it, of course, has value, even Rupert himself said he doesn't recommend constantly binging him as the teaching is to be embodied! I've been working 1-1 with my teacher and receiving RASA since February and recently have felt a need to share and help people as much as possible, I'm certainly not finished in my awakening but the transformation in my existential experience that I would've never imagined, and honestly I couldn't be more thankful for finding my teachers, hence my recent posts. As well as that, I'm always looking for ways I can optimize my self-actualization and growth so enjoy all the subforums on here! Plus, a lot of my irl friends don't really speak about this, most 20 year old boys from the UK who's main common interest is football and sports don't tend to haha, so it's always good to connect with like-minded people. And, yeah it's been an amazing season so far, it's a shame Liverpool as a city isn't appreciated more, it's such a beautiful city, yet scousers are regarded as 'Bin-Dippers' and Liverpool a shithole which is a shame and very far from the truth. (Thatcher's tactics clearly worked ) Anyways, what brings you here and what's your story? Have an awesome week.

I want to add that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. @Mikael89 this is your blind spot. You think you know and that's what keeps you unhappy and having suicidal thoughts. This is the ego. It's covered in every single decent authentic spirituality book written. Enlightenment is demystified in the 21st century. It couldn't be any easier to understand how transformation works. But you chose to hold onto theories you don't understand, like karma, so that you can maintain the unhappy mind made self which runs your life, thinking, behaviour and makes you unhappy.

Hello. I need some help as I currently find myself in a confusing place. For my entire life I have been living within the realm of the mind. I have been completely unaware of my power as in infinite creator on this Earth. And now that I have come into understanding of this power in the past year and more so in the last two months I find myself at a point of transformation and transition. You see a few months ago I quit my job. This was one of the best decisions that I could have made for myself, mentally, physically and spiritually. It was an OK job by society’s standards but it heavily damaged my soul and for the three years I worked there my life was in a very dark place. I have enjoyed the past few months and they have been the best time of my life so far. I have grown immensely in a short time. However my monetary funds are beginning to lessen and this has created an anxiety in me. My true passion in life is the study of spirituality, ecology and human development and I am writing a book on the subject of Ecopsychology. However this is a huge endeavor and while I have made great progress on the book every cell in my body feels called to place all of my energy towards the completion and publication of my book. However when I look at my external reality I do indeed feel an air of anxiety when it comes to how I will do this. Every cell in my body is telling me to not go back to getting a traditional job. And yet over the last month there is one job offer that is continually appearing in my life and I have no desire to accept this job. I do wonder if this job offer continually appearing in my experience is a test of faith and or an external manifestation of my fear. Whenever I think of working this job I do not see light in my minds eye, only darkness and subsequent pain. I guess what I am trying to ask is, how do I know if something is truly for me or not for me if it keeps appearing in my life? I am very keen on making good decisions and am quite a decisive person so this level of confusion within me is unsettling. I am going to meditate on this as I have a feeling that my intuition is telling me to not regress back into old fear based ways of thinking and perceiving reality and thus that it would be in my best interest to follow the path I feel guided towards even though I cannot see the steps. I have never had this much faith before, this is new alien territory for me but I know that I cannot go back. Again the thing I am struggling with is the discerning whether the reoccurring job offer is a temptation, a test of faith to see if I will fall back to my old ways or if I will truly transcend my fears and go towards a new version of myself and access a new level of my life? All I know for certain right now is that I have to trust the process 100% even though I cannot see ahead and have a knowing that the universe has my best interests at hand and truly does want the best for my unfolding life in this realm.

I was following this guy for some time (3~ years) but later I understood that he was just pissing his trips randomly thinking that he knows something and doing videos about tripping on substances which IMO were very unclear, foggy and just stupid. But wow what a transformation he has gone through, I can definetely say he jumped from Green to Yellow in Spiral Dynamics model. Cool how it clearly shows a transition in ones consciousness. A huge leap. Enjoy.