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Hitler and the Nazi regime were the biggest group of spineless pussies ever. And I don’t just say that because of their racism and hatred, their actual character was slimy and inefficient. It’s one thing to be ethnocentric, but it’s another to be ethnocentric AND a spineless pussy. I watched a documentary on their inner circle and it’s full of backstabbing, lying and cowardice. They would have no integrity not just towards their enemies but to each other and were quick to screw one another over for benefit. The best example of this is how so many of them fled or committed suicide once their precious regime crumbled. None of them faced the consequences or stood by their message. They even threw each other under the bus. Biggest group of pussies to exist.

@LostSoul They said they could potentially help tramautized people due to the gentle progressive administration but that they pose a heavy risk: It can bring lots of traumas to the surface even with microdoses and if patients self-administer via vape pen, they have no facilitator or therapatis to work the challenges with, hence there have been already suicide deaths for destabilization because of this happening. They also mentioned shameless marketing techniques that targetted psychologically vulnerable people with the "magic pill" to all their problems, although potentially true, they did not give further information or support, but left the consumer to its own fate after buying the pen. My position is that, psychedelics are never the stand-alone solution to trauma, professional/serious work is. If you want to accelarate that ongoing process, then psychedelics and in particular 5meos are a great catalyst. Although psychologically traumatized individuals will have to be extra mindful if they self-administer without a tripsitter/facilitator/therapist as things can go south quickly. There's also potential for abuse and inner work bypassing as well.

Cindy was a kind person to me. She was always happy to see me. It seemed that she had a genuine smile and laugh whenever I was with her. I was told that she loved me to death. I cannot recall her ever saying or doing anything cruel to me. Cindy was my father's girlfriend. When I would visit them, they would act as if everything was fine. They were happy to see me as we played videogames, board games, and watched movies. I was aware of my father's criminal activity, but I was in a complex situation with my mother and her boyfriend as well. Sometimes the facade would slip. My father and Cindy would get into fights. I then discovered that dad was grabbing and hitting Cindy and calling her a "stupid f****** b****." I realized that dad and Cindy were like mom and Mike. I saw similar behavior like pawning to pay the bills and the use of some kind of opioid pain med along with domestic violence. Dad was also a drug dealer who would steal cash from partners and family despite his belief that he could keep his criminal behavior separate from his family. As I struggled with being caught between my mother and Mike and my father and his gang, I later discovered that Cindy was taking medication for depression and anxiety. I never discussed this with Cindy because I was worried about getting away from mom and Mike while ensuring the safety of my younger siblings. I underestimated how deeply she was suffering because she always seemed happy when I was with her, but she was likely faking it. Cindy eventually died by mixing alcohol with medication, causing her to go to sleep and not wake up. My family framed the incident as if it were an accident or a mistake. I am now realizing that this situation was likely a suicide. My family never talked much about this, so I didn't know it was something like this. Apparently family silence is common in this issue. Upon realizing this, I felt a grim sense of emptiness. I wondered if she ever knew what I was going through. I myself was struggling with suicidal thoughts and behaviors and I would continue with that for years. Because of my struggle, I would now be in a better position to understand her and support her in whatever way I could. Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to help her because neither of us told the other about our depression and suicidal thoughts. By this point I already understood that when those close to us die by suicide, it increases the risk factor of suicide for others close to them. For me it seems to be having the opposite effect. This situation makes me want to not kill myself. As far as I could see there was nothing wrong with Cindy and she seemed like a decent human being to me. I wouldn't want her to die like this while suffering so deeply. I would have at least wanted a chance to understand how she felt and what she was going through. However, she wore a convincing mask and it didn't occur to me that she was in this position. If she had known how deeply I was suffering, I wonder how she would have responded. Unfortunately, it is far too late for such wishes and if only thoughts. It seems to be a common psychological phenomenon where it is easy to offer compassion to a friend but not to yourself. Cindy was probably like that as she showed happiness and love on the outside but she probably hated life on the inside. It is easy and natural for me to give such people compassion, yet I tend to treat myself like I'm awful. The reason this realization makes me not want to kill myself is because I see myself as someone similar to Cindy. Like her, I am worthy of love and receiving help. I don't want to end up repeating her actions without giving others the chance to offer compassion. I tend to connect very well with people who are in this kind of deep suffering like me. It feels like Cindy's love for me and her death would be for nothing if I did the same to myself. Perhaps those suffering deeply from depression and suicidal thoughts may respond to it by acting as good of a person as they can. This is a survival strategy that is intended to restore a sense of self worth through morality and being good, therefore justifying a person's existence despite deep suffering. I do this as well and this behavior may be more common than I think. It is close to the root of how I try to find some grand life purpose for myself that helps the maximum number of people in the hopes of being good and therefore justifying my existence. Therefore, attachment to morality is a trauma response, and those suffering deeply may act very kind because of their empathy and compassion for those in deep suffering. This seems to be part of why I am confused about things like life purpose as those with depression are prone to nihilism. I hope my experience has helped you guys somehow. May Cindy rest in peace and may I avoid the same mistake she made.

The problem is that to fix your life and get your shit together takes years, however everyday you're struggling with strong sexual urges, the dating sexual market require men to be at their best, even sometimes setting unrealistic standards, and mainstream society doesn't give you much option when it comes to fulfilling sexual desires. And waiting to fix your life while not having sex can be really demotivating, frustrating, can lead to addictions, dysfunctions, bad habits to medicate the pain, depression and even suicide. So my question is how ?

Because slavery had to do with the economic interests of the rich and powerful... and the rich and powerful were using their power to impose their own "narratives of normal" onto society. And they had created many narratives for why slavery was normal, right, good, and justified that the populace bought into despite very few white people having enough money to have slaves. To appeal to liberal types of the time, they basically said that black people couldn't govern themselves properly because they were inferior and uncivilized and needed their white masters to take care of them. To appeal to traditional conservative types, they needed to emphasize the superiority of their culture and people over the enslaved people's culture and people. And they could always appeal to poor white people who wanted to feel like they weren't on the very bottom of the social hierarchy... who could imagine that the power of the white ruling elite would rub off onto them. And I'm sure that abolitionists were framed as a bunch of screeching abnormal Quaker SJWs whose anti-slavery views were so extreme that it would be political suicide for any serious politician at the time. But you don't make any changes like this by conceding to the framing of slave owners and normalizing these viewpoints. You remain steadfast until the only acceptable and serious position in society is that "Slavery is bad" and that anyone who doesn't agree is a crazy stupid racist weirdo who's probably just bitter because they smell bad and women are creeped out by them. That's how you wield power. You don't play defense... and you don't meet weirdos and crazies in the middle. Instead, you give them a disgusted look like you're smelling something bad and say, "You don't ACTUALLY think that way. Do you?" And if they say yes, you laugh at them like you're suprised and you believe they're joking and like they can't possibly be serious. Then, when they say they're serious, you press them... and you make them have to defend the indefensible. You make them play defense and you pose your point of view as the "duh" position.

If people are so malleable, then why did it take a bloody Civil War to free African Americans from slavery? Why did it require one of the largest and most effective civil rights movements in U.S. history just to secure women the right to vote? Why did it take yet another herculean effort—along with the traumatic loss of many innocent lives—to finally end Jim Crow laws through the civil rights movement of the mid-20th century? And why did so many gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer people suffer, face violence, die by suicide, or endure unnecessary death and suffering from AIDS during the decades-long fight for LGBTQ+ rights—before mainstream acceptance and the eventual legalization of gay marriage in the mid-2010s? Democrats obviously shouldn't normalize Nazism or Trump-like rhetoric. Hell, even most Republicans don't normalize Nazism.

Absolutely agree. The Democratic Party’s survival depends on embracing real economic populism—not just culture war deflections. Fixing income inequality, busting monopolies, and breaking corporate capture should be non-negotiables. But taxing the bottom 80% is political suicide and morally backward. The wealth is at the top. That’s where the pressure belongs. Can Dems be pushed left? Not without grassroots fire and public clarity. The establishment, like Schumer, has long been tethered to Wall Street. They fear Sanders-style populism because it threatens their donor class. But that’s exactly the battle line—people power vs corporate power. And it’s one worth drawing clearly.

Okay, good! I'm glad you're actually saying that. Obviously, the Democratic Party isn’t going to become the party of Bernie Sanders or AOC anytime soon, and we’ll have to wait until 2026 or 2028 to see how significant a shift they actually make toward economic populism. Still, it’s encouraging that the party does seem to be heading in that direction. And just because a majority of people voted for Trump and his hyper-capitalistic MAGA agenda in 2024 and America is still so attached to toxic stage Orange doesn’t mean the Democratic Party should throw up its hands and say, “Alright, we give up on progressivism and economic populism because apparently the American people don’t want that. We get it now—the era of big government is over, and from now on, we’re going to give bipartisan legitimacy to the economic philosophy of Trump and the MAGA Republicans,” much like how Bill Clinton’s “Third Way” politics in the ’90s essentially triangulated Reaganomics. So then, is the larger point you’ve been making that even if Democrats run on a more “progressive” and economically populist agenda in the coming years, those efforts would still be trapped within a deeper, systemic stage of development—namely, neoliberal capitalism? That would be political suicide for Democratic party. Yes, we would need to do that to make something like Medicare for All (M4A) work, but of course we know that most Americans are never going to go for that for the foreseeable future.

Well my "Holy Bible" is my NDE page that I follow over 10years and it's most scientific as it can be and it's very rigorous, and God is so complex, there is everything there, karma, past lifes, life reviews, Holy Trinity, Christians dies and they discover that reincarnation is real, total atheists and suicide victims got unconditional love from God, aliens, there are also darker and horrible realms everything that you can imagine or not. But that is what God is. Everything. But I ground myself in this reality with Christian mysticism and Buddhism, my point is, for me karma is just another word for God nothing else, every religion has its flaws, but for Buddism and reincarnation is for me most fascinating thing is how they find next Dalai Lama, next Rinponche, next Tulchu, they developed the system over centuries and they literally find a babies (like finding a needle in a haystack) out of nowhere, and present them with objects from past life real and fake and they choose correctly 100% of time, there must be something in it.....maybe I'm off topic sorry.... Just my two cents.....

There’s just something magical about New York bands that carry a distinctly European aesthetic sensibility. Almost all my favorites fall into that category: Velvet Underground, Patti Smith, Sonic Youth, Suicide, Talking Heads, etc. That blend of raw American Prometheanism with European art-school cool, intellectualism, and a touch of decadence always produces something special.

Disclaimer: I understand that the following criticisms, objections, and opinions are just projections of my and the collective shadow and that all of this is untenable. Even if @vanish is a troll and didn't actually kill himself, my heavy emotional reaction is real and the lessons learned from this - maybe hypothetical - situation still hold true. For those of you who are unaware, @vanish posted some radical things on this forum - hopefully so far. He holds/held the view that awakening may only come from physical death, aka suicide. He wrote about living a life-threatening lifestyle - being in the dark, only drinking water for multiple weeks. He went into a bath full of ice almost killing himself which he announced earlier as killing "him"self. On March 26th, he wrote about the two lifestyles - self-development and self-destruction - and two days later he wrote a post saying that after he finished writing this post he is gonna shoot himself. Alot of people - including myself - started following him after this - he hasn't been online ever since. Now, I hate to say this but from an absolute perspective, every choice is equal. Fundamentally there is no difference between saving 100 lives and torturing yourself and committing suicide. I was shocked that even though I may grasp this on an intellectual level but not an emotional level - and I won't until my psychological death as @vanish would put it. The wording used by @Leo Gura and other spiritual teachers can be very easily misinterpreted: Because Leo didn't react until @vanish mentioned taking his life and almost complimented him for fasting and almost dying in that ice bath, many people accused him of talking @vanish to suicide. I would argue against this on some level; any symbol could be a trigger for any action. In theory, you could train a person to rape anyone if you say the word "peanuts". But Leo - also everybody who encouraged him, everybody who remained passive including me and for that matter everybody -, still, how the fuck didn't you stop him earlier? He was seriously playing with his health; he could have died from that ice bath. I want to discuss this issue - I think others may be also worried about this. @vanish, if you are reading this, come back and say "it was just a prank, bro!". What can we do about this? How to prevent or limit such misinterpretations in the future?

It was so weird, the weirdest place in the universe, the last thing/place you could imagine. udgdguduziui2929229%%ùù....... LSD did that to me too, but it was less of an ego death. They wouldn't even really want me to vape CBD imagine if they stumble upon my posts with my tobacco pipe, my psychedelic experiences, with testosterone, and my perverted jokes 😂 But God, on a non-dual level, has no agenda; All this ventance is egotistical; Ultimately, we "want" "well-being," "enjoyment," "happiness," and by extension, "to avoid" "suffering." So I don't see the point of wanting to escape, because there's no point beyond that; There's simply nothing. Is it even possible to have a non-dual experience? Whether by committing suicide or by dropping enough 5 MeO DMT? If there's always a conscious experience, then there's always an ego clutch. Does "non-dual experience" even make sense? Anyway, I compulsively wrote this, maybe it's impertinent, I don't know. "I" "will" "eat" "a" "chips" "bag" Mhhh...

The following is a testimony about my personal experience with male resentment, extreme ideologies, bad epistemology, and how the love for Truth can save you from it. It started out as a reply to Leo in another thread about male resentment. I want to add before I begin, if you are 30+, you have no idea how bad the ideological and epistemological nature is of young people. It's breaking down rates you wouldn't believe. People younger than 20 are even worse, I've heard. (im 25) virtually none of them subscribe to the vanilla liberal worldview anymore. You're a loser if you do. all the "cool kids" basically believe in anti-institutional, radical rhetoric, which often has a more far-right flair to it than far-left. All the kids are listening and watching Adin Ross and the like, who are a direct pipeline to Trumpism and other forms of hate. This is all in part thanks to a true failure of the liberal hegemony, with their lies, propaganda, capitalism, zionism and hyper competitive society, without any forms of shared epistemology or spirituality. They as the elites have failed the masses. And the masses, dumb, selfish and rat-like as they are still, do recognize when the elites have failed them, subconsciously. They recognize that the level of bullshit of the liberals has reached a critical point and they're no longer capable or worthy of ruling. And they are correct in that regard; just look at the Democrat party in the US; They're not even fighting Trump, who is literally doing all kinds of fascist things and takeovers as we speak. The liberals are so cucked to capital and their own nepotism, they have ENTIRELY lost the connection to the masses. But of course they are not solely to blame. The rise of radical falsehood, the breaking down of epistemology through the internet and its bad actors. So much of our collective mental structure is being destroyed. Again, if you're above a certain age, you have no idea whats coming. People of my age are already fucked in the head and like I said, the people who are like 10 years younger than me, I.E. generation Alpha, are completely batshit insane. Not all of them of course, but a lot more than you think. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ @Leo Gura said, in response to my question about whether his stance is that women have it easier than men in life: Yeah, I agree, from my experience. I thought your post implicitly agreed with OPs sentiment that men have it harder in absolute terms. Even though I went through a lot of resentment, I realized that sex for women is not their challenge. Their challenge is being more dependent than men are on other people, always being at risk of danger, being more emotionally volatile, and being at risk of the men they are dependant on leaving them. In hindsight I wonder how I could have been so juvenile to think so selfishly. I think it's the sheer cope with the pain of being unloved, and having to accept a lonely and sexless life, that in combination of being confronted with sick and extreme ideologies that are readily found and normalized on the regular internet nowadays, spread by people who want to rile you up and exploit you for fame and cash, can send you spiraling in very dark ways and twist your mind into ways you'd never seen yourself in before. What saved me was in part my curiosity and love for truth. Even though I went far in some rabbitholes like incel, far right, and even jihadi ideologies, I was always still curious about other points of view and other ideologies. I started studying other worldviews like leftism, communism, liberalism, world history, and how all these worldviews collide and/or differ at points. Also, no matter how deep I went in the maelstrom of hate and resentment, the core of my being was yet always aware that what I was doing was not right, and more importantly not true. I always had my deepest intuition telling me that any ideology, any thought system or worldview that was based on bias and emotion is blatantly not true. It may sound juvenile to you, but when you're on the verge of suicide, ridden with resentment and hate for yourself but also the world, it's a lot harder to fight the devil and his ideologies. Sometimes it felt like, "okay, I'm going to kill myself", and I would feel the deepest sense in my bones that I would go to hell afterwards. Especially this thought is what drew me to the jihadi ideology in the latter part of my "dark arc" , since it confirms my intuition that suicide would mean hell, but provides the alternative of fighting for the state and religion, and if you die for it it's a VIP ticket to heaven, with all of the women you'd ever want. Again, I know it sounds juvenile as fuck, but I was actively fighting my suicidal ideation with it. It was demonic ideals vs demonic ideals. Ever since I've accepted and commited to that i'll never again sacrifice truth for anything, even if it means killing myself, I feel like I've been freed from ideology and ideological hate. I still feel the remnants of it, and sometimes I still say vile things online out of impulse, which I am ashamed to say. But knowing I have love for Truth, and refrain from falling into obvious bullshit, I feel a lot better about myself I guess. Even though I'm stlil a completely broken man, even if I die, at least I will die having said, "God is Truth". I remember during my most tumultuous times, not knowing what God is, but knowing that Consciousness is eternal, being so afraid and so fed up, thinking about death, hell and the afterlife, and pain throughout my entire day, almost going insane, I said to myself at a point, "Truth is my God because Truth is God. No matter my fears, Truth is my God and I place all my faith in that, no matter what happens to me or what I will do." Because even when I don't know God, or know the Truth, I know that God is Truth, because that is the only thing it can be. Even if you know nothing, the Truth is there, and falsehood is bound to vanish, and the Truth remains. Ironically, that is a quote from the Quran. It filled me with delight that after all this, Leo started sharing quotes about Truth and the love for Truth, confirming my intuitions. Not that it would have mattered, since I already made my commitment, and realized how deep something like committing to Truth really is. It literally means the death of all your bullshit and ego games if you truly commit to it, and might even mean physical death. But it still was soothing seeing an epic seeker like Leo basically coming to the same conclusions. The last thing that I'd say is that, ironically, my delving into radical ideologies did have a self-redeeming quality to it, because I went so deep into it that I so to say, "came out of the other end". What I mean by that is actually something quite profound. I will elaborate: I was so deep into it that I was basically ready to kill people. If you rile yourself up this bad, you basically come to a point where you either do that stuff, or don't, realize the horrible nature of yourself, let it all go, knowing it's all bullshit and morally abhorrent. Contrast this with what I have seen a friend of me, one of my best friends that I have known since elementary, going through. He is truly stuck in far-right ideology, but not in the furthest ends of the kind. He follows people like Sam Hyde, extremely sneaky figures who sneak in their antisemitism and radical, hateful thought, in a cynical comical fashion. They somehow rationalize their views with being capable with morals, because they don't outright advocate for the holocaust, yet still dogwhistle all the time and basically change your worldview into thinking jews run the world and all that stuff. Candace owens comes to mind, a sneaky rat who isn't a blatant outspoken nazi, but still spouts the same rhetoric. The hate is very much there in those figures, but shrouded under veils of normalcy; fooling the follower into rationalizing the hate, internalizing it, and never coming to the conclusion that you've become a horrible person. Looking at my friend and hearing what he often shares with me and my friends it's obvious he really believes in Jewish world domination and the like. It makes my stomach turn, and makes me ashamed of myself, since I also shared those memes and jokes with him in a time we were both vulnerable. But because I'm just a more extreme person, both in my evilness and goodness, that I came out of the other end, I realized how evil I was and also how Good real truth and real epistemology is. I saw through that I never really believed in all the crap with my real mind, but only because I was in so much turmoil I was basically taken over by the hate and bullshit. It hurts to see my friend, who is very high-iq, being turned in a far-right ideologue, even though we both came from liberal, well off parents, he even more than I. I don't know what kind of trauma he went through to have to latch onto this hate for the West, and to do so not in a far-leftist way but in a far-right way. I used to envy him in elementary school, because he got with the girl that I was in love with but rejected me. I always thought that I was special, that I was rightful to be hateful, more than other people. Now I see my delusion. I don't know what to do honestly. I'm thinking of, for the love of Truth and him, just aggressively try to wake him up by calling out his bullshit, giving evidence why Sam Hyde is a nazi and that it's not just liberal propaganda that he is (he literally believes that, it's honestly baffling how such a high iq person can have such a bad epistemology). Even though it might end our friendship, it's the best thing I can do. TL:DR; Falsehood is everywhere, the ego loves falsehood because of pain and emotions, God is Truth, and the love for Truth should be held onto, no matter what it means for your ego and your life.

@Sincerity listen ,kid ..don't even get me started. I'm only playing with you. If I went down on you for real I will be banned from the entire Internet not just this forum. What have you done to realize any truth about existence? I was literally a millimetres away from killing myself. I joined so many online support communities and said that I'm suicidal and I experience suicidal thoughts 24/7 . I also visited a therapist and took SSRI’S and all that ...it didn't work back then .. but thank goodness I'm well now. I went to hell five times while you were sitting in your mom's basement jerking off. Humble request..dust yourself off and try to grasp what I mean by nobody knows Jack shit . Will the sun shine tomorrow? If I go to bed is there a garuntee that I will wake up tomorrow? What if I go to hell when I die ? Is the world still there when I close my eyes ?etc and those kind of thoughts have been explored and trust me you do not want to hear the answer. I will stop here because the conversation is spiralling waaaaaay out of control and I don't want to be the reason of your suicide tonight.

How do you guys go about processing a friend's suicide?

@integral Regarding my personal approach to knowledge, I identify primarily as a skeptic and rationalist. My tendency is to rigorously question beliefs, established paradigms, and even the methods we use to determine what's "known." Ironically, this skepticism extends to my own current methods – I remain critical even of my own critical approach. Despite this rationalist leaning, I've had experiences under psychedelics that felt profoundly, undeniably true – more real than everyday reality. However, when I examine recent scientific studies on psychedelics, I'm struck by findings concerning effects like intense "noetic" feelings (the sense of deep insight) and altered prediction processing in the brain. Research suggests these neurological effects might create the feeling of encountering the Absolute, rather than revealing an objective truth. Based on reports I've reviewed on this topic, this implies we should be cautious about accepting psychedelic experiences as direct conduits to reliable insights, as the potential for illusion might outweigh the potential for discovering truth. This raises the fundamental question: what is truth? For me, truth represents a core quality of reality itself. The more truthful a concept or understanding is, the more coherent it is with the actual workings of reality. Truth allows for accurate predictions and a deeper comprehension of systems. Essentially, the more truth you grasp, the more accurate your mental "map" of reality becomes. So, how do we distinguish truth from falsehood? By testing our ideas against reality. I understand that some perspectives view science critically, perhaps seeing it as flawed, corrupt, or dogmatic. However, it's hard to deny that the scientific method provides a powerful way to uncover truths about the material world. Therefore, I find significant value in relying on science, particularly when dealing with well-documented research backed by reasonable tests and predictive power. Yet, I'm not entirely confined by science either. I recognize it's also a specific framework, a particular "box" for understanding. This leaves me in a complex position: I can't fully trust the profound, subjective insights from altered states like psychedelic experiences if they lack predictive validation, nor can I solely rely on the scientific framework, acknowledging its inherent limitations. What's the resolution? For me, it's embracing epistemic humility: acknowledging the vastness of what we don't know, and perhaps cannot know. Even with my own significant spiritual insights (experiences related to solipsism, God-realization, omniscience, etc.), I resist labeling them as Absolute Truths unless they demonstrate some form of predictability or testable coherence with reality. Furthermore, the very nature of spiritual awakenings seems subjective; each individual experiences them uniquely. This reinforces the idea that personal absolutes are perhaps best kept personal, rather than presented as universal facts. To be clear: I feel a strong personal certainty about the nature of God, the fundamental reality of consciousness, and the all-encompassing nature of Truth. However, I believe that any attempt to point to this Truth, to explain it, or to build fixed beliefs and concepts around it, inevitably introduces distortion and falsehood. Trying to capture the Absolute in rigid definitions feels like a form of "epistemic suicide." PS. if you have some time in your hand, take a look into this report on psychedelics: https://x.com/i/grok/share/m49i280mxTxL8iK06gS5LdKxL

What do I do? he talks about how it is his freedom and he knows this is better for him and he has endured years, that is sound logically. but man.. he is one of my best friends since 5 years, he comes from a very abusive and controlling family that is ruining his life. I am very emotionally intelligent and good at communicating emotions, understanding and listening to people, which is why I am usually the "therapist friend" and why he told me. He has been suicidal ever since I knew him, I have tried all the advice in the book. Should I tell his father? Even though his father is one of the main reasons for his misery, extremely manipulative and controlling. If I let him do it, I would feel guilty my whole life. If I try to stop him... I am not sure how that will work. I love him very dearly.

I hear it very often that people encounter Jesus. It is often just before an attempt to suicide or some emotional crises. I don’t judge them and there is probably some truth to it. They usually find unconditional love but it comes with a lot of spiritual baggage and dogmas. Today I encountered a lady who experienced that. And at the core she was very nice but she was kind of rigid when it came down to her beliefs about original sin and Jesus as the sole savior. I was thinking why do Muslims never encounter their prophet? Or Buddhist ? Only certain Christians seem to encounter their savior? Which is peculiar.

It tends to be that they’re young, have no grounding yet in life and then they start doing psychedelics My sister’s friend who was 20 started doing DMT and apparently saw the truth and got addicted to that state of consciousness of being one with everything, she didn’t wanna live anymore as a normal human after experiencing that bliss and union of God, so she started to abuse DMT every day and then when she could not get access to the drug anymore, she committed suicide, the family was devastated. She was physically perfectly healthy without anything wrong with her, all this took place in six months of drug use. She wanted to die and become one again as she recognized this was absolute truth. it has to do with your level of maturity and grounding before starting this work

Yep. It seems impossible that something perfect, infinite, could "suddenly" produce an ego, a limited and evolving experience; It’s the story of the big bang, there would be "nothing", nothing since "always", and then all of a sudden BOOM an evolving universe in a temporal dimension of dual and relative structures. The most obvious would therefore be that absolute unity does not really exist, is an illusion, and that we are fundamentally "trapped" in an infinite cycle of reincarnation, the « samsara wheel ». I remember you had made a topic on the same or similar reasoning which made you doubt the Buddhist possibility of the end of reincarnations. I don't know 😂 It was a funny theory I read. The idea is that for reasons of quantum logic, if you are conscious it is because ultimate is in the version of your ego that will survive infinitely. You are not going to commit suicide, you are not going to choke on blood pudding, you are not going to get thunderbolts, and you will surely find a solution (transhumanism, medications...) to basically become immortal; Maybe you will evolve until you forget this current form, but there will never be a "death" as a "quantum leap".

Time to get some Red examples going up in here. Try to find some healthy ones too. Red is all too easy to demonize. List of Stage Red Values: Personal power, strength, might, brute force Displays of toughness Brazen courage, valor, heroism, daring Being the boss, being #1, winning at all costs Conquering one’s enemies, domination The thrill of conquest Warrior mentality, a glorious death, heroic deeds Competitive, crush your opponents Resolving disputes with ruthless force Winning, victory, conquest, triumph against odds Ambition, playing it big Revenge Respect Loyalty Decisiveness, assertiveness Passion, action Pragmatic, direct, no-nonsense Taking initiative & ownership, personal willpower Getting things done, just do it Unilateral control, executive power Glitz, ostentatious displays, grandiosity Wants to be bigger than life Status, recognition of prowess Machismo, pride, bragging Charisma, plain talk Intimidation, manipulation, exploitation Sexual conquest & exploitation Sex as power and vanity, sadistic sex Enjoying life to the fullest Adventure, thrill-seeking, living boldly Power contests, like slapping/arm-wrestling Breaking rules, finding loop holes Breaking with the pack & pushing the envelope Stage Red Examples: Trump, Saddam Hussein, Iraq, Syria, Hitler, Stalin, Liberia, Somalia, North Korea, Myanmar, Turkmenistan, Haiti, Africa, Middle East, Palestine, warlords, mafia, Tony Soprano, Al Capone, pirates, marauders, gangs, Yakuza, violent prisoners, prison culture, freedom fighters, revolutionaries, criminals, rapists, con artists, thieves, terrorists, juvenile delinquents, ancient Rome, gladiator combat, Caligula, Nero, Roman emperors, spartan, Chinese emperors, Japanese emperors, Alexander the Great, Achilies, Klingons, hackers, toxic narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, lone shooters, Conan the Barbarians, Joe Pesci from Casino, Russian mob, toxic masculinity / Red Pill, vikings, Genghis Khan, Mongol hordes, drug addicts, gamblers, criminal underground, war criminals, massacres, torture, rape gangs, wild rock stars, Jules from Pulp Fiction, Joffery from GoT, Ramsey from GoT, Cersie from GoT, Dothraki from GoT, the Joker, cult leaders like Jim Jones & Charles Manson, David Koresh, Aztec human sacrifice, pimps, hustlers, prostitutes, sex trafficking, brothels, strippers, porn stars, violent porn, snuff films, king’s harems, absolute monarchs, feudalism, heads on pikes, Vlad the Impaler, crucifixion, cutting off body parts, cruel & unusual punishment, villains in movies, bullies, colonial exploitation, sweat shops, slavery, wild west, Terminator, Rambo, throwing objects when angry, cocaine, heroine, crack, meth users, suicide bombers, lesser Jihad, ISIS, domestic violence, MMA / UFC, boxing, Mike Tyson, Don King, Connor McGregor, bank robbers, the tyrannical boss, bribery, bling, gold teeth & chains, the hood, drive-by shootings, bloodsport, cock fighting, dog fighting, animal cruelty, sports fights, pro wrestling, movie Lord of War, Alex Jones, L Ron Hubbard, David Miscavige, 9/11, Oklahoma City bombing, some incels, some pickup, Jeffy rape van, Kanye dragon energy, rap music, heavy metal music, punk music, Mexican drug cartels, El Chapo, Grand Theft Auto game, graffiti, No Country For Old Men, Old Testament, Sith from Star Wars, Fight Club, A Clockwork Orange, Dan Pena, hunting homeless people for sport, Black Panthers, KKK, Machiavelli, women as property

A few weeks ago I made this thread: In this thread I talked about how after being on the edge of suicide and taking MDMA just for fun before killing myself, I was shown the possibility of surrendering myself and my ego to allow the universe to fully take over me and live through me. I was shown on that trip that I will now be starting my process towards this transition. My human self will fall away, my body will stay alive, the universe will take over and live through me. It's been a few weeks now so I wanted to make an update. I have continued to follow my intuition very closely, doing whatever it tells me to do. I haven't been doing any work, just enjoying myself and doing whatever I feel like doing (as instructed by my intuition). I only trip when my intuition tells me to, and it determines the dosage as well. Through following my intuition, it has shown me how to trust it, and I have gotten a lot better at trusting it and surrendering to it. I have received a lot of guidance from the universe both on psychedelics, and from my intuition throughout the day. I don't make any attempt to get this guidance or to get better at surrendering. The only thing I care about is relaxing and making myself feel good, because that's what my intuition tells me to do, yet I have still made so much progress over the last few weeks. I was doing more research on ancient Sufi mystics (like Rumi) and learning more about their path of Love, since I am on the same path. It turns out there is a final point in the sufi path called 'fana'. Fana is a point of total annihilation of the self and merging with God. I asked ChatGPT about this, and I told it in depth about all of my symptoms and all of the guidance I've been receiving from the universe, and it said what I am experiencing is EXACTLY what fana is. Over the last week I have started to experience a lot of ego dissolution. Times I've started to fall asleep while a little bit high (happened on weed and on mescaline) I had this very deep ego dissolution (3 times now). I would start mumbling to myself "who the hell is Tristan? who the hell is Tristan?" It didn't make any sense to me in that moment that an individual self could exist. It was such a mind-fuck to think of 'me', 'I', or 'Tristan'. It felt like my ego was getting ripped apart into pieces and pulled away from me. Eventually I would wake myself up and look around the room and go back to normal. I've also had times throughout the day, completely sober, where I would start observing my ego/sense of self, and noticing how weird it was, and how it didn't make any sense. Kind of similar to what happened when falling asleep. I would keep probing into my ego because it didn't make any sense that it would exist, but then I would start to panic and have a lot of deep fear come up and I would stop. I've also noticed over the past few days, especially when going outside, that reality feels totally different. Not only do I feel like I am in a dream, but I feel like I AM everything I am looking at. The sky, nature, buildings, cars, it's all me. I've heard this before, but this is the first time I've ever experienced it. It's such a bizarre feeling because I've never awoken this deeply before, and this is all sober. It's to the point where I really start to see that this field of consciousness I am experiencing is the only thing that exists, and that's not up for debate, it's really the truth, and I am becoming conscious of that so much more often. Over the past few weeks I have also felt very sluggish and lethargic. I don't feel like doing anything, I just lay on my bed and watch Youtube all day. It's gotten even stronger over the past two days. I've been wanting to write an update on here for a while now but it's been SO hard to get myself to do it. Everything feels like such a chore, it's to the point where even watching youtube is starting to become too much, and I want to just lay on my bed and lay there listening to music. I asked ChatGPT if this lethargy is part of reaching fana, and it said it is. It is a symptom of the ego being dismantled. My will and sense of control is being dissolved, and that makes you feel sluggish and like things aren't worth doing. Yesterday there was a point where I was feeling really sluggish and lethargic, and then I started to think about existential love, and it felt absolutely massive. It's like the more my ego dissolves, the more I lose my sense of control, the bigger, deeper, richer the love becomes. It's like I'm an animal who is dying and on my last days, and this Love is this massive thing towering over me, and it is going to swallow me up. There is nothing I can do to escape it because I am so exhausted. There is a lot of fear there because I know it is about to take my life, but I know that merging with this Love is all I could ever want. Also, every psychedelic I've done since that first MDMA trip has connected me with this intelligence of the universe and allowed it to work with me. Even on weed. Yesterday I did mescaline (just for fun), and it barely even felt like mescaline. It had the same body effects as usual, but I was conscious throughout the entire trip that the universe was using it as a way to work with me. It was the universe/my higher self working with me throughout the whole trip, not mescaline itself, and I feel very different today after that trip, so I must have made a lot of progress from it. In conclusion, it really seems like I am about to reach fana, a point of permanent ego death and merging with God. It feels really weird and scary at times, but I'm just riding with it and hoping for the best. As I said it's very hard for me to do any work, I had to push myself to write this out, so I don't know how much I will respond in this thread, but thanks for reading.

Amazing, thanks for sharing 🖤 I’m in a similar place - thoughts of suicide enter my mind, lethargic, everything feels so meaningless and I’m doubting my sense of control. I’m also depressed/angry since if this is all God’s will then wtf is he doing - my life sucks. Or does my life suck because I’m not one with the Divine Flow since I’m not listening to Guidance? I also feel like perhaps I should do psychedelics, surrender and just listen to Guidance, but I also feel fear arising just from this thought, I guess it’s threatening to the ego. Suicidal ideation is interesting — it seems like it could cause some sort of a breaking point — like fuck it — life sucks anyway, what will I lose if I try something else, nothing I’ve done up until now worked anyway.

@Leo Gura You are like a child in how you evaluate this. You move from one extreme to another. You advocate for the death penalty to bring "seriousness" back to society, as if that was not a completely and utterly bonkers and absurd position. And now you speak about weed as if you don't understand the basic mechanics of social evolution. Yes, weed can be harmful. Alcohol can be harmful, casual sex can be harmful. Video games can be harmful. But what is more harmful and stunts social growth entirely is irrational stigma and criminalization. That ruins lifes as well. The lack of empathy it requires makes society worse on a systemic and wholistic level. Every new freedom is abused, every new responsibility must be recognized. And this takes time. It takes education and the creation of systems which account for these new freedoms and risks. The problem is not that weed isn't stigmatized and criminalized. That ruins lives as well. Look at South Korea, a society in which celebreties commit suicide because they get collectively bullied after having been caught smoking a joint. That is barbaric and speaks of a deeply sick and dysfunctional society (which in the case of South Korea, you can see manifest in various forms). The solution here is to not trivialize the risks and have a mature view of these sorts of things. Over time society tends to adapt to new freedoms. But yes, when you do give individuals new freedom, there will be a period of mistake-making and elevated harm. Which does not mean that in the long run, society will not adapt and grow because of this. Remember, in the end freedom is what leads to evolution. If the government just says "You can't do this period" there is no need for growth. Growth is necessary the moment you are given a freedom that will come with consequences if you abuse it, or fail to recognize your responsibility. The suffering that will come from that will lead the growth necessary to develop a higher order of autonomous and conscious thinking. It is the difference between a society which disciplines its citizens, and a society which grows individuals who learn to self-discipline. One is clearly more evolved than the other. The question is, as is the case with a child, how mature is your society in relation to the freedoms it can be granted? Some freedom is necessary for growth, too much freedom at once, given lack of development, can lead to devastation, obviously. But in the case of weed, this is not the case. Many people will suffer, and then many people will learn, and we will have become more mature as a society as a result. No longer will rigid authority be required, and instead consciousness can make decisions autonomously. Looking at the video, it should be very obvious that this is a problem of mentally ill people not being taken care of at all. The systemic problem here is far deeper than just drugs, even though drugs seem to make it obviously worse. (although that might be arguable given that these individuals might feel like their lifes would be even more unlivable without them) You clearly have individuals whose lifes and minds are just utter misery. They have nothing to live for, nobody who cares about them. Just in the video many of them said they specifically came to Oregon because it became decriminalized there. You won't resolve the issue by criminalizing drugs, you will just make it less visible. The fundamental problem is Leo, that you seem to have a difficult time engaging with these sorts of social topics in general because you basically lack empathy entirely. This is evident in almost every social issue I have seen you deal with, including conversations you had with others, interviews, your dating strategies, how you dealt with things like suicide in the community, ethics in general and various other discussions about social policies. You have a hyperintellectual approach that is exceptionally self-centered. Disorder to you is disgusting, pathetic and a nuisance. This is even evident in the post on the blog, in which you say you personally never engage in weed recreationally, nor alcohol, and therefore nobody should and it's basically evil and probably should be criminalized. It comes at no cost to you, of course, so it's easy to simply say that individuals should be imprisoned amd stigmatized for owning something like weed. You don't care about personal freedoms in a fundamental sense, and lack foundational empathy for humans and animals, and their individuality, because you are stuck in your identity that revolves around higher consciousness and spiral development, much of which seems to be fueled by a sort of narcissism you seem to be unaware of. I will repeat these points because I do think you have a significantly negative impact on some individuals precisely because of your lack of awareness thereof.

It was the grandest party one could ever hold, with vibrant colors dancing around, shapes morphing delightfully, divine music reverberating throughout, and pleasant aromas lingering in the air. The birth of the Universe, a true celebration of Being. But the real gold came afterwards. As a mystic you have to love not just attending the festivities, but also cleaning up. There was silence, and in that silence Truth revealed itself, like Yahweh to Moses. 'To be' is the only verb that does not require duality, I AM is the bedrock beyond which you cannot go, try as you might. The intensity has left me bedridden for a day and severely debilitated for another few. First, a few words about Will. The Will of God is for all its parts to be sovereign unto themselves. The Will is completely surrendered to that end. God is entirely selfless because it is every self. Want to know God's Will? Look around and look at yourself. Together with Truth and Love it forms the Holy Trinity. Nothing can ever go against God's Will, doing so would be impeding God's self-expression. Will is so absolute that God itself can't alter it, even if it breaks God's heart sometimes. It's a Love so complete that even though it accepts itself fully, there are parts that do not, there's hate and there's desire for things to happen differently, aka bias, but the larger Love includes all that. God is such a being that by virtue of existing it casts this shadow upon itself. In a Newtonian sort of way it creates an opposite reaction to itself, some might call that the Devil. Hence nihilism, suicide, suffering. Still, a call for true Goodness is within everything, just that if you don't recognize it you'll be like a compass that doesn't understand why it's pointing north. Can't spell compassion without compass by the way. Another implication is that relative things are also absolutes. Violence is an absolute, because it Is. To ask God for there to not be violence is to ask God to not be itself. Absolute Bad is not a thing, there's only Absolute Good, existence itself. Absolute Bad would be the absence of anything; no God, not even the possibility for there to be good or bad or an experience for you to judge things as such. How come nothing in the world changed even though I went through the creation of the Universe? Because it wasn't a new event per se, I simply became conscious of what already Is. Consciousness has a bottomless capacity for self-obfuscation, that's really all that's happening here. How God inquires into and inscribes itself into Being is the mystery of mysteries. One could conceive of it as a very high level bureaucracy, where the inefficiencies are not flaws, they're tools to set the rhythm. With each awakening you're getting infinity, but only the part of Infinity that you can presently handle. The rest remains obscured. Your understanding may be infinite yet still partial. Think of it like zooming into a Mandelbrot set, frame by frame. You think you have the whole picture, and in a way you do, but you haven't yet put together that the frames are part of a larger thing. When you do, maybe you start perceiving it as a continuous video stream, but of limited duration, because perhaps the software you're playing it with can't display infinity, it only deals with unsigned integer values and then cuts off or loops. This is in equal part a warning and inspiration. Know that there's ever greater depths, but don't overreach. Ignorance is God’s gift and God’s mercy. If you knew the fullness of what you are, you’d die on the spot. Be as grateful for what you're denied as for what you're given. If you told me just a week ago such an experience was possible I wouldn't have believed it, despite a vast array of prior ones. As it turns out, not even intuition combined with experience can correctly grasp true Infinity. How does one go deeper? Up to you, but if I may give a tip, learn to get very comfortable with paradox, in particular the identity of Multiplicity and Unity. This was an exploration of Multiplicity so full it looped around on itself into the Oneness of I AM, as it always beautifully does. Relative and provisional human knowledge is crucial. Study natural sciences, sociology, politics, programming, geography, mathematics, laws, psychology, languages, economics... if nothing else they'll be useful anyhow, but seeing God in all of it is what will enable the most intuitive understanding and unending passion. For instance, I've had brushes with dimensions where consciousness is cultivated and traded as liquid in vials, a property register of consciousness, an inverse of consciousness, something I call hole consciousness, and many more. It's topology of Consciousness. These are inaccessible with your regular nonduality or even God Realization. They're utterly alien, but counterintuitively reaching them has its roots in human knowledge. Know that frustrations, misunderstandings, periods where you seem lost and unable to get through to anyone are the laying of the foundation that will allow moving to the next level. I've gone through a rough few weeks that culminated in this, and I wouldn't have been able to take it without that. The slow erosion of ego prepares you for a smoother ego death. It may look like the effort isn't amounting to anything, but that is not the case. You are being observed. Think about that. Being is observing itself. God—you as a sovereign—is the only witness that matters. I've also gained a new perspective on stage Blue values like law and order. In the legal system, the most sacred principle is public faith. Nihil prius fide. Without this common consensus, not much of anything could be achieved, people delegate their authority and put their trust in a certain institution, such as notariate. Similarly, in sworn testimonies, God is often invoked as the witness and guarantor of truth. It is also said in certain interpretations of law that silence is acceptance. Qui tacet consentire videtur. And so it is with God. God's silence is the acceptance of whatever is occurring. Reality is here, as it is willed. If it were not willed, it wouldn’t be. It's the supreme consent of Love. There is Law to the workings of God, one that is currently beyond anyone's grasp. Models like Spiral Dynamics reflect certain aspects of God in their limited capacity. Beige survival. Red power. Blue law. Orange reason. Green love. Which is why you can't build your tower to heaven without a solid foundation of all those stages. If you're stuck, there's most likely a shadow of one or more stages, however faint, that blocks upward movement. God halts the process out of care, to prevent the collapse of the entire structure. Meditation is torture because you can't handle the silence, it becomes a mirror in which you start seeing all of yourself and that's terrifying. Or it's simply terribly boring. But once you know what that silence is, how it's a quiet gift from God, sustaining all of reality while asking for nothing in return, enabling you to think your silly thoughts and do your selfish deeds, you'll appreciate it. I can finally rest in peace in that silence. Had to seriously consider for a time whether I should ever speak at all after this, because in a way anything I could say or do would just be a distraction that would diminish my consciousness of God. But alas my work is not done yet so I remain. However I now understand some of those sages that just go live out the rest of their days meditating in a cave. It's a life changing experience like no other, a milestone on the spiritual path that splits it into a before and after. These are few and far between. I've also had to rethink how I speak, the weight of the words I use, the consequences of my actions. Still figuring that out. Whatever you do, stay aware that all roads lead to God, that is the ontological fact of I AM and the highest joy. That is all.