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@CreativeInertia I get rid of values every day. Try it. Sit still in silence and watch how your mind comes up with an ideal. Watch the pain that comes with it, the duality between your ideal and the situation that triggered it. Then understand that the reason you are in pain is because you have an idea that is in conflict with reality. That is your conditioning because you wore this pattern in over a long period of time it became "normal" and that is what you mistake yourself for. Once you release the ideal you feel the bliss of who you are. The ideal will come back, keep working on it and you will eventually condition yourself to stay "in the heart" (your mind will turn around and rest in its source).. If you can create a conditioning for self inquiry and decondition yourself to uphold stupid values that do nothing but delude you, you will become free of all your conditioning. Thats purification process. As long as youre extroverting your mind and doing "self development" you are conditioning your mind to extrovert. You will never become self realized doing this. At the moment you are theorizing and idealizing about enlightenment. Do the actual work, because the more you theorize the ore you will end up deluded by these ideals and the suffering will not cease. When you have done that you will see for yourself what is real, and you will understand what im saying.

You got to understand that most these ideals are born of ignorance based on egoic differentiations and are nothing to do with reality. Reality is nondualistic, a bank robber is the same as an enlightened mahatma. Have goals by all means, do what you are blessed to do, but leos ideas are not based on functional ability, they are based on developing character traits that only exist in the egoic mind and are not actually real. Thats why they are absurd, because they are the ego romanticizing enlightenment. A real mahatma would laugh at this because its delusion. Suffering is not an illusion, its self inflicted because of the ego. But the suffering does not come from not being perfect, it comes from the ego trying to BE perfect, and making differentiations that are not actually there. Empathy is a delusion, sorry but it is. Adults understand that people live and die, why would a mahatma leave his bliss to get upset about things he has no control over. Ideals of compassion and emotional empathy are delusions based on chopping reality up into bits and trying to control reality. This is not enlightenment, its boo hoo bullshit of the "grown up" inner child who is conditioned to believe in compassion and empathy.

Leo, I am still addicted to the highs I get from conditional samsara happiness. Will spiritual bliss gradually overshadow this as I go deeper? Can I consistently feel better than I do during my craziest non-spiritual highs?

If a pathetic is at peace, that peace is a dead peace, it has no life in it. That silence is the silence of a cemetery, of the graveyard. No bliss in it.

What is the bliss point? It's the specific amount of satisfaction or stimulation, in which happiness is optimized - the perfect volume of magic fairy dust, that makes you content and happy. Any more, or slightly less will tip you off balance and isn’t as great anymore. Michael Moss used the concept in his book Salt, Sugar and Fat to show how the food corporations have tricked their consumers into getting addicted to their products via bliss point manipulation. This bliss point doesn’t apply only to food, it can be found in almost anything else as well – clothing, relationships, sex, entertainment, fast cars, money, fancy houses etc. There’s nothing wrong with having a high bliss point, it’s just that it can become our downfall. If we aren’t able to be content, then we will never be truly happy either. On the other hand, if your bliss point is lower, then you’ll get incredible joy from even the smallest of things. Paradoxically, your happiness increases, as your bliss point decreases. Here are 4 strategies I use to hack my bliss point and optimize happiness effortlessly. Fasting Gratitude Mindfulness Minimalism You can also check out the video about it where I also reveal a fifth strategy. Thanks!

How long ago was your last acid trip that you described? I've had a similar experience on acid years ago. This was when I was first introduced to concepts of chakras and energy systems and I didn't really know what to think about them, so I was sitting in the park high and just for fun decided if I could 'raise energy up my body' as a goof to see if anything would happen. An intense rumbling energy started from my lower body and raised upwards like it was vibrating intensely. It went up through the crown of my head and dispersed. I was left feeling incredibly vital. A minute or two later I would sit to meditate and it was just waves of the highest bliss I'd ever remembered feeling at the time. That experience turned me on to yoga and pranayama practices. Experiences like these are exciting but no good comes from becoming attached to them. They also take months and years to integrate and balance from, even if it doesn't feel like a lot is happening. Judging from the intensity of your experience, I would take care in your lifestyle, practices and psychedelic experiences. Take great heed. Allow the energy to subtly do its thing over time. Sometimes these intense experience come for a few moments or an hour or two or a day and then go away. If you keep pushing the river, however, sometimes you may trigger an experience of that intensity that can last days, weeks, months or longer. It can be harrowing. Lackadaisical attitude towards this kind of stuff can occasionally afford you reprimand from the universe. My advice is trip less, meditate more, and avoid practices that focus heavily on moving energy or focusing on energy centers.

Yes. But a blissful life without suffering makes definitely sense while we are still here. How to get there is the so called spiritual process which (if done properly) sheds wrong identifications from you. The successful conscious identification with Everything that is brings you into that state where you are able to choose your Feelings and where is no Need to suffer. I a way you are anticipating the death of the Body/mind/ego as a seperate unit by doing that. Can you as a human being exist without the support of your body? No. Without the Support of a the earth or a similar planet? No. Without the solar System? no. So why not seeing all of it as your larger Body. Can this whole stuff exist without the Support of the whole universe? no. So why not seeing the universe as your larger Body? And can the universe exist without the no-thingness that contains it? No. So why not seeing the no-thingness or all-that-is as your larger or infinite Body? So recognizing that or being Aware of that while still alive is a wonderful Thing to experience life in the deepest possible way. Why getting up, eating, shitting, working, eating sleeping, reproducing and falling dead one day? Whats the Point of it? You want to be touched or overwhelmed by life, that brings joy and bliss. So lets go there and get the most touching and overwhelming Feelings out of it.

Another fascinating description: http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=1728 "In Samadhi or Superconsciousness the Yogic practitioner gets himself merged in the Lord. The senses, the mind and the intellect cease functioning. Just as the river joins the ocean, the individual soul mixes with the Supreme Soul. All limitations and differences disappear. The Yogi attains the highest knowledge and eternal bliss. This state is beyond description. You will have to realise this yourself. Taste the immortal sweetness of the beautiful life in the Self within. Live in Atman and attain the blessed immortal State. Meditate and reach the deeper depths of eternal life, the higher heights of divine glory and eventually attain the full glory of union with the Supreme Self. Now your long wearisome journey terminates. You have reached your destination, your sweet original home of everlasting peace, the Param Dham." I wonder if that last statement pertains to the idea of enlightenment/liberation and whether the consequences of achieving that state would mean physically ceasing to exist in this dualistic reality or a freedom to choose between manifesting to different states of being. From what Ive researched (not much), this state is achieved or experienced by very few buddhists and even so after decades of meditation. It would be ground-breaking if a technology (5MeO) truely exists that could catalyze this process and allow people true liberation in a matter of a few years... Of course it wont be easy since the work is more concentrated but the opportunity itself is revolutionary. P.S. I have been waiting 6 weeks now for my onion provider to send me the onions but they should arrive any day now so I am really exited. What we have to be willing to do to follow our intuition...unbelievable If everything goes well, I can share my experiences in the near future

Thank you very much @Azrael for these trip reports and the very intriguing insights you have provided us in this forum. My question is mainly addressed to those who have direct experience with either a breakthrough dose of 5-MeO and/or have achieved high spiritual states (in buddhism samadhi states). I only have theoretical knowledge (Leo's videos, trip reports, samadhi states reports etc) but I want the opinion of direct experiencers. Here is a description of Nirvikalpa Samadhi (http://www.godrealized.com/nirvikalpa_samadhi.html). "[Nirvikalpa Samadhi is] The achievement of a goal where one meets the Creator of all Essence, comes face-to-face with his own atman the soul within which is of the same Essence as Brahman (the Creator of the cosmos)". "One gains Realization of God and the Self only after attaining the stage of Nirvikalpa Samadhi." From another source: "When you enter into nirvikalpa samadhi, the first thing you feel is that your heart is larger than the universe itself. Ordinarily you see the world around you, and the universe seems infinitely larger than you are. But this is because the world and the universe are perceived by the limited mind. When you are in nirvikalpa samadhi, you see the universe as a tiny dot inside your vast heart. In nirvikalpa samadhi there is infinite bliss. Bliss is a vague word to most people. They hear that there is something called bliss, and some people say that they have experienced it, but most individuals have no firsthand knowledge of it. When you enter into nirvikalpa samadhi, however, you not only feel bliss, but actually grow into that bliss. The third thing you feel in nirvikalpa samadhi is power. All the power of all the occultists put together is nothing compared with the power you have in nirvikalpa samadhi. But the power that you can take from samadhi to utilise on earth is infinitesimal compared with the entirety." So I come to my question: Are the experiences of breakthrough 5-MeO-DMT and Nirvikalpa Samadhi phenomenologically the same/similar/different and if yes then in what aspects. From my theoretical understanding the experiences have many common traits and descriptions which leads to an interesting hypothesis. Can 5-MeO help facilitate or "achieve" the pinnacle of spiritual development aka what the buddhist call "Sahaja Samadhi" :" When one has this sahaja samadhi, one becomes the Lord and Master of Reality. One can go at his sweet will to the Highest and then come down to the earth-consciousness to manifest." "Even after achieving the highest type of realisation, on very rare occasions is anyone blessed with sahaja samadhi. Very few spiritual Masters have achieved this state. For sahaja samadhi, the Supreme's infinite Grace is required. Sahaja samadhi comes only when one has established inseparable oneness with the Supreme." Source: https://www.srichinmoy.org/spirituality/concentration_meditation_contemplation/samadhi Can I draw the conclusion that Martin Ball, Ph.D has achieved Sahaja Samadhi?

Hi Pauline! I would like to take a swing at this one.:) There is a faulty premise in you statement - "Since it's becoming a bigger part of my life that I can't share with them". Let that go sister. Enlightenment is MORE you. It is less of the personality you and more of the you that is aware it is everything. An enlightened you holds the perspective of love when others sense lack. An enlightened you holds the perspective of abundance when others sense shortage. See that you are your family and they are you. See that everything is one. You don't need to explain a single thing to anyone, ever. Continue to pursue your enlightenment. It is the only worthwhile endeavor. As you progress, your family will like what they see, like what they hear. You will love them more and more as time passes. Just keep on your path. If ever you feel less that great, you have found yourself yet another wonderful opportunity to allow yourself to see as the universe sees, because you are the universe, and the universe IS love. Dissonance - or any bad feeling, is the result of you holding a perspective on something - while your inner self (the universe) is holding a pure positive perspective of bliss. See it the universe's way. This is what is meant by "letting go". You are letting go of your "me" or "seperate" perspective, and simply allowing yourself to see as the universe within you is seeing. Also, this may help when it comes to your perspective on your family - there is no "lower level of consciousness". Does a deer have a lower level of consciousness? Of course not. The deer IS consciousness. The deer does not have a cerebral cortex to add it's opinion to it's perspective. It simply is the universe. It just is. Rock on Pauline!

Hey, I take 2 grams of the powder, mix it with a little bit of water and then just drink it. Then I wait 10-15 minutes and do the MeO. I elaborated in my second post a little bit on what it does. Basically it brings your attention in your body, makes a smile on your face and motivates you. So it brings up good feelings and makes it easier to surrender. For me, it does the trick. When I do MeO with Kola Nut I have a completely nice trip. No existential terror, just surrendering and pure bliss.

To last longer try to keep her orgasm in mind not yours, please her and make her feel wonders once you can get past a certain phase you can go all day while enjoying yourself just as well. Masturbating less helps too, or just practice masturbating without ejaculating. I haven't mastered the multiple orgasm thing myself so i can't help you on that one sorry but i think it has a lot to do with the mental state you are in at the time. If you are in bliss or high psychedelic state, it can feel like you orgasm the whole time.

Hey! This is my first post here on the actualized.org forums. I stumbled across Leo's vids about a year and a half ago just after I had my first awakening experience. In the first video I watched of Leo's about enlightenment, I was amazed at how similar his description of one of his experiences was to mine and I've been watching his videos ever since (his description of the wave of mini insights building upon each other, leading to one huge OMG! - afterwhich, for me, was followed by an outpour of laughter haha). Since the initial discovery, I have had many profound experiences of my true nature and non-dual awareness. I continue to meditate and absorb consciousness/non-duality/spirituality related content every day. The section between the dotted lines is just to give an idea of some of the experiences I've had! Feel free to skip ....... - A peak experience on LSD approximately 6-7 months ago, experienced what I would have described as a complete non dual state, I felt like all my ideas and identity whatsoever had been completely shattered, my sense of being permeated out into complete emptiness all around me, the crown chakra above my head opened up and I had extremely bright blue light emanating from a region 6-12 inches above my head, I also had orange light emanating out from my whole body, literally felt like my body was going to slip away, almost like skin being shed. My normal sense of thought became so foreign towards the end of the trip that the idea struck me that I wouldn’t be able to adjust to normal reality again (which lead to a brief freak out that I was able to overcome haha) - About 3 weeks after this experience I went to a friends house who has an amazing view basically overlooking my entire city, I had 1 very large bong hit of marijuana and straight after this walked out towards the view (whilst he went inside briefly so I was by myself), once I approached the edge and looked out, it was as though reality itself hit me again and I slipped into pure awareness. The crown chakra, which I had experienced on LSD, completely opened up again and I had bright blue light pouring out from the space above my head, it literally felt as though my head completely opened up and touched the sky. It was remarkable. My whole body merged with space, and I could feel literally feel it all, like my body had become a beacon within space. I could feel and percieve energy rippling all around me. Bliss overcame me and the whole experience lasted about 5 minutes, was unreal. - More recently whilst meditating my entire body slipped into full orgasm for about 5-10 minutes (was not even aware that this was possible), it was as though the energy of existence itself was entering me through my head and exiting out of my pelvic regions. Literally flowing through me, like being fucked by the cosmos and in turn it's energy exiting out of me back into it. Another overwhelming and amazing experience. - It's actually interesting how this came about, i was being sucked down a mind pattern that was causing me tremendous fear and i was resisting it hard, and then i surrendered completely to it and didn't run anymore, and boom i felt my heart open right up and the rest followed... - during many of these experiences, i've experienced thought and the 'me' entity from such a distance it's been unreal, purely perceiving the words and ideas of it floating in space itself, it's crazy how unbelievably different thought itself can seem from the rest of reality (especially in relation to nature and the physical world) .......... My question is mainly related to the idea of liberation. For me in day to day experience, I am completely aware of how I 'don't have a head', this region is pure space connected with the outer, and thoughts happen in this space located above my body (open eyes meditation and really observing how there is no 'seer', only the seen and my space amongst it, has been my favored form of meditation). I'm not saying I don't get caught in the egoic state, I absolutely do haha, and I feel 100x more sensitive to it now. There's a huge difference when you're identified with the thoughts and they feed on the bodies emotions. In fact, in the last 6 months I have struggled way more with egoic issues and fears coming up and gripping me than ever before. I often get caught and attached into perceiving it all as a serious problem to be solved rather than a play to be enjoyed. However, every time I find myself in nature now, or dedicating time for meditation/stillness, I find I am always able to rest in my being and experience this space . Yesterday for example, just sitting silently with my eyes closed and feeling my body, the boundaries completely dissipated and I found my breath taken away and my being merged in space again. Now as with most people, I'm still struggling to integrate the seeing of this reality fully as a mind & emotional body. I find most days are just like a roller coaster in and out of identification with the mind, unconscious to conscious, slipping into egoic states where I very easily begin to become frustrated at going through the same garbage patterns (like oh fuck me.. not this shit again.. i thought i was done with this x1000), then all of a sudden switch to noticing literally everything changing within my space and it is 100% clear to me that I am the changeless/timeless under all the change again. Hence, going through this roller coaster all the time, at this part of the journey i can't help but be in the habit of every day going about my life just longing to return to the deeper meditation/stillness again so I can gain that clarity. There's also like this underlying motivation of 'if I just keep resting deeply in being I will keep clearing up the garbage egoic stuff i carry', and that seems to me like the only real goal or progress there can be. However it just feels like this has been going on so long now and isn't even really going anywhere anymore. It's frustrating because it is so, so clear that this awareness is what I am, and there truly is no progress to be made with it. It only feels as though i need to work towards liberation in a sense, simply dropping more and more of the minds attachments. Only it doesn't seem that's even happening a lot of the time, or at many times that the egoic states/reactions get even worse! It just feels like that roller coaster is going round and round and then I wind up in deeper clarity for certain periods of the day, in and out etc. In this sense it feels like part of my awakening is missing, but at the same time i know it's not and can't be. Whenever I hear teachers like adyashanti, mooji, osho, sadhguru ..or even Leo and Martin in the recent video describe what the state of liberation is like.. I feel that this is exactly what I'm after and what I'm missing, and I feel that at the same time I've had a taste of this freedom and living from this state many, many times. Literally there has been countless times over the past year, listening to adyashanti describe liberation where I genuinely feel so close to it or that I even have what he is talking about... Now finally to my point, specifically in regards to Leo - when I hear someone like Leo say that they still aren't liberated, and still have more dissolving to do, even after all his experiences of oneness and understanding he no doubt has, (even doing 5-Meo multiple times for god sake), it literally just makes me want to give up completely at even hoping my egoic attachments and states of mind will dissipate haha. It makes me feel as though.. every time I might feel I am close in a way to this liberation that I will only be deluding myself. I know the reality is that Leo is a completely separate being to me and I have truly no idea what he might be experiencing in comparison to me, and that I am my own individual being and there's nothing say that liberation is not possible for me or that i'm not close (like as in... I shouldn't make a a belief that it can't be done just because of where Leo says he's at) - but at the same time.. even just logically, if someone who has had such extreme experiences and understanding still has much dropping of the ego to do, and he still knows he isn't truly liberated, it just makes my situation feel hopeless again, and that this state of liberation that these guys and teachers like adyashanti talk about might not even be possible, regardless of the fact that the self has been crystal clear to me so, so many times. Like I've had states where, even just the other day for example when I went for a swim in the ocean, it was literally as though "holy shit, wow, i am literally just the pure empty substance of reality, the sky itself, with four limbs dangling down from nothingness, nothingness inhabiting a body experiencing and feeling the beauty of this water, expanding outwards in all directions across the ocean, the mind & emotions, whatever that means, just dancing inside of this" - then a day later i'm in pure anger or have some fear I'm going crazy or something like this hahaha. The shift between extremes, and polar opposite paradigms/perceptions of reality can drive me nuts sometimes I tell ya. The difference between such a paradigm and the egoic one just feels so huge, and these days when I get caught in the egoic states sometimes it can be really horrible, like I can get caught in deeply despising it in a way. I feel like I still hold the illusion that something great has to happen so that I will fully embody the self and be done with the ego... Which both does and does not seem to be the case when I know I can only be the self, and have experienced it many, many times. So again.. I just don't see what more can be done other than simply returning to nature/meditation, listening to teachers and forgetting all the garbage for as much time as possible. Sorry for the overload/rambling, but if anyone, or hopefully even Leo himself could shed more light on liberation that would be great. I'm feeling close to that "i completely give up" point that martin describes and just taking a huge fkn puff of 5-meo and ending this nonsense for good haha (but I probably won't due to fear ) Thanks!

1. Because after those sits, I feel amazing. Not in the sense that i feel happy or bliss, but just peace. After those sits my mind is so calm... it's ridiculous no one told me this before Leo. 2. If you can endure that amount of suffering and be OK with that , you become like untouchable to the "human problems". For example if your self-image gets destroyed or if you fail at something... it doesn't effect your mood so much, because you are used to suffer. 3. Enlightenment/Total Peace.

Death? You mean the Transition ? Sorta, Its basically like waking up from a dream. Like when you have a nightmare and you wake up and you don't feel bad as usual but instead you feel relieved and free that its all over and go on by your day with a smile because you are free from your horrible nightmare. Unless of course you've been somehow been in a state of bliss most of your life. Just my understanding based on the experiences I've had. Indeed ego dies(in a human sense) and become one with everything but at the same time there is a universal identity(if you will) present. Its not really explainable but you remember everything when you wake up again and ultimately doesn't really matter as this whole life will be nothing but a faded memory. Do you remember the dream you had before you woke up this morning?

@DimmedBulb MIndfulness meditation seems like a must. Just build a habbit and persist until it sticks (spoiler alert, after your purification begins, it gets crazy, after the crazy stops, meditation starts being a bliss.)

@DimmedBulb Can I offer some more tips? That's my manly way of responding to a cry for help Meditation is not focusing. You don't have to be that hard on yourself. Do it on the train, at your desk, in the bath, whatever you want. Do a little body scan which will relax you. Just put attention on your head, face, shoulders, arms and work down. Takes two mins. Then three deep breaths. Watch the breath for a minute and then let the mind run for a moment. Then just sit in the bliss of the silence that pervades everything. That's you, awareness. Just let go. You can think. You can feel. Do what you want. The point is to just learn to relax for a while . No big deal. "Succeed"at this little programme first. A little meditation habit (no hardcore SDS or anything like that) and the little gratitude thought experiment. That's all you need. Then success will come.

Im not against meditation. iv ever said that. Im against the bullshit, enlightenment, purifying the mind etc. Becouse its pointless and sure there is emotion to it. but so what? i will keep having emotional reactions. it truly dosnt mather in the slightest. The point to all this. once you stop this bullshit of going after all this cool stuff. you will see how you already are enlightend. you will see. truly see. how things are always diffrent. never better or worse and just be fucking content in a true way. I might sound pissed of and be frustrated and all that stuff from time to time. but it no better then any other emotional state. at all. becouse i know im not the emotion thats going on. im not the reaction to it. I am nothing about it at all. When you drop your bullshit you will see that. Enlightenment is not something hard at all. its just hidden behind bullshit. and the bullshit part about enlightenment. is that its an idea in your head. it dosnt actualy exist. Its not just a word to you right? it has meaning. and as long as thats true. its just not gonna happen. thats why im saying that. your bullshit idea is not gonna happen. all these nice labels. bliss etc. not gonna happen. dosnt exist. Im never going to teach anyone how to become enlightend. becouse all that will do is keep you away from it. what it actualy is.

I just wanted to say that the keyword is to accept. Feel that word. Accept. Acceptance. Accept whatever comes up. You can feel miserable for whatever reasons. You might have taken LSD and feel horrible scared/angry/sad because of what you experience. Fully accept that. It's perfectly okay to feel bad/horrible/sad/fear. Allow yourself to accept whatever comes up. Accept everything. In the end of the day, all we can do is to accept the present moment. Yes, sure in the loooooong term, we can change the direction of our lives. But in the short term, you have to accept the current reality you experience. Accept all of it. If you feel sad/fearful/depressed ... sure, you can try to resist it and internally fight it with the "I don't want to feel this way, why am I feeling this, I want this to go away"-mechanism. In the end this doesn't help at all, this is just a denial of pure reality. And denying what _is_ only leads to more suffering. Instead accept the state you are in. Accept the fear. Accept that you feel depressed. It's perfectly okay. You can't change the present moment. The present moment just is. Accept it, no matter if it's pure bliss or extreme hell - accept it fully. Only when you accept it fully -- surrender fully to it -- you can actually begin to live in the present moment without denying it - thus you become closer to true existence without filters, without beliefs of 'how it should be'. Reality shouldn't be in any way. It should be exactly as it is. Exactly as it is experienced. Take LSD and become fucking frightened of what you see. Become extremely anxious of what a fucking douchebag you are. Of what a fucking closed, selfish person you are. And don't resist it. Accept it. That's how it is. Only when you accept the current state of your 'being', only then, you can begin to live freely and change truthfully. If you don't accept, but deny and resist and fight, you will keep denying, resisting and fighting for eternity, and not getting any further. So stop! And surrender to reality. Accept. Accept. Accept - whatever comes up - accept it. Accept the state you are in - and you will begin to flow in a stream of love down a waterfall into pure being. What does accept mean? Well, only you know. I think it means to fully embrace the present moment with love. What is love? It can't be explained. It's a property of God/nothingness/the absolute/infinte infinity/pure unlimited consciousness/your deep-down True Existential Nature -- allow it to come forward. Even if you somehow feel it's not appropriate right now. That you think it's not appropriate right now, is just you playing a game with yourself. You may feel extremely lonely. You may feel extreme fear because you feel like you're losing what you hold must dear: your sense/construction of self. Look. It's perfectly okay to feel lonely. It's perfectly okay to feel extreme fear because you are dying. Accept the feelings of loneliness and fear. Embrace them when they come up. It's perfectly okay to accept all feelings, because all feelings are ultimately arbitrary and have no meaning, no value. The only 'meaningful' thing to actually value is the ability to accept the present moment. If you value that ability -- because trust me, you DO have the ability to fully accept your current state, you just trick yourself into believing that you somehow don't (and that you instead need X or Y in your life to feel fulfilled/happy - look, you truly don't, it sure seems like you need X, but trust me, you need nothing (literally)...all you "need" is acceptance of whatever is) -- then you will be completely free; like a bird flying over the ocean on a clear sky day.

It's part of the game. It's a unique thrilling and often fun experience for one. Second, physicality needs to exist in contrast to non-physical: Can't know unconditional love, freedom, abundance, peace, bliss etc. without: judgment, limitation, lack, unrest, pain etc. But you can grow out of it here and now because in trust, you already exist as non-physical consciousness and physical reality appears within you, and you give it all the meaning.

@NTOgen The mind extroverts itself because of identification with the predominant guna (flavour of shakti) we are conditioned by, and the vasanas that appear in our stream of experience as likes and dislikes. The yoga I'm referring to is called Ashtanga Yoga, and it prepares the mind (indirect knowledge) to directly understand and then take a stand as awareness (direct knowledge). Ideally you want to get a routine going that involves a number of Yogas to get the mind nice and quiet: Karma Yoga - to neutralize the vasanas, and eventually cancel your sense of doership Triguna Vibhava Yoga (understanding the 3 gunas teaching) Upasana Yoga (meditation) Here are some comments from a little email satsang from one of my teachers which is a summary of the gunas teaching: The creation comes into existence with the emergence of the 3 gunas: sattva, tamas and rajas. Sattva is intelligence and knowledge; tamas, a heavy dense energy is matter the substance of the creation; rajas is the dynamic active energy also known that transforms objects. Psychologically it is known as the mode of action and desire. The gunas make up everything in creation, from thoughts to gross objects. In effect, the gunas are another word for God. Sattva, rajas and tamas correspond to the three forces in creation: Rajas, vikshepa shakti, which is the projecting energy; tamas, avarana shakti, the concealing energy and sattva, the revealing energy. When maya operates, sattva (pure knowledge-intelligence) is the first guna to emerge. It is known as pure maya and becomes the nature of the mind. Tamas and rajas appear next. Rajas and tamas are the main cause of ignorance; they extrovert the mind, turning it towards objects. When a person is sattvic the mind is turned inwards toward awareness, its nature. This happens when rajas and tamas have been largely eliminated. Sattva feels very good. With karma yoga and the practice of self knowledge it can become the person’s predominant guna. Purifying the mind is to aim for a sattvic mind. Liberation or self-knowledge means that you have assimilated the knowledge that you are whole and complete and that the ‘person’ that you used to think you were is no more than a notion in you, awareness. When ignorance (avidya) of yourself as awareness has been removed by self-knowledge, maya (macrocosmic ignorance and its effects still obtain and the gunas continue to condition the subtle body (the ‘person’)…but they are rendered non-binding as the doer has been negated by self knowledge. They have nothing to do with you, awareness, because you know that you are not the Subtle Body, the person/doer. You are trigunatita, beyond the gunas The gunas are called macrocosmic vasanas i.e. they belong to Isvara or the total, the creation, not to the person. As an apparent person or jiva, (the self under the spell of ignorance) they are in the driver’s seat, so to speak. The person thinks he/she is a doer so they drive him/her relentlessly until he/she gains the direct knowledge of his/her true nature as awareness. There are basically four stages to the guna teaching, which can be applied to people at different levels of their spiritual development. The Four Stages of the Guna Teaching Stage 1 The guna teaching is very effective for doers (karmi's); these are people in the world, not going for moksha. As a karmi, one uses the knowledge to accomplish things in the world and get what one wants. One can gain knowledge of the gunas without realising the self and use this knowledge very productively to live a better life. It is possible to ‘un-couple’ the guna teaching from Vedanta and apply it “on its own”, so to speak. This would be very useful for people in the human resources field, as well as a more enlightened approach to psychological counseling and related therapies. Stage 2 This is for the application of karma yoga. As a karma yogi, how does one really understand what giving up the results of your actions are, unless you understand what makes up the dharmafield? Also, the karma yogi uses the guna teaching to purify the mind as well as identify their conditioning. This is the most powerful way to negate the doer. Stage 3 Once the mind is purified, one uses self knowledge to discriminate the self from the not self. This means that your conditioning does not belong to you. At this stage, unless one really understands the gunas, many highly qualified inquirers get stuck with the most subtle teaching of all, the relationship between pure awareness and Isvara, jiva and jagat. Remember, it does not work to superimpose satya (pure awareness) on mithya (Isvara, jiva and jagat). If superimposition happens, even though the self is known, it will remain indirect knowledge i.e. the self will still appear as an object. And one will still think one has to “get” it. Or one will still wait to have that final experience that will prove he or she is awareness! Direct knowledge and self actualisation is the difficult part. Therefore, full understanding of the Isvara-jiva-jagat identity (aikyam) and the guna teaching is of paramount importance. Stage 4 In the fourth and final stage self knowledge has fully removed the ignorance of your true nature and you know without a doubt that you are beyond the gunas. This means that knowledge and ignorance are both ‘gone’; they are simply objects known to you. Only, you, the self remains. This is moksha. Typical Symptoms of Rajas, Tamas and Sattva Start observing them. Each of your thoughts and feelings are guna driven. See which ones are sattvic, which are tamasic and which are rajasic. Understand the implications of identifying with each kind of energy and the thoughts they cause. Start observing all objects (the world around you or your environment) from this perspective. It will be obvious that no-one is doing anything; it is all a play of the gunas. You will be amazed how clear it all becomes once the gunas are identified: it is like having 20/20 vision. When rajas is operating, the person will be projecting, arrogant, passionate, angry, frantic, over-stimulated/active/driven, extroverted, jittery, can’t sit still, afraid, dissatisfied, insatiable, possessive, jealous, controlling, can’t sleep, bored, wired and tired… (to name a few) Rajas triggers fear based thoughts and actions; the person will project their stuff onto ‘others’ or the ‘world’ and he/she will go “unconscious” (tamas). One tends to speak too quickly, do things too quickly, drop things, bump into things, break them, have accidents and injure oneself. In the extreme he/she will be totally extroverted, driven by passion and desire to gain whatever object he/she is fixated on, certain that the joy is in the object. The mind is turned completely outwards. When tamas is operating, the person will be in denial, blaming, holding onto the past or using it as a reason to justify action or inaction, or as an avoidance strategy to deny his or her fears, making excuses for why he/she can’t be honest or make decisions, rationalising, dithering, living in potentia, can’t wake up or get out of bed in the morning, exhausted, complaining, dull, lazy, depressed feeling a victim, feeling the wrongs of the world on his shoulders, unloved or that the ‘world’ is unloving or a bad place, cruel, uncaring, self absorbed etc. Here the mind is clouded, dull. When sattva is operating, the person is peaceful, calm, clear thinking, balanced, compassionately honest, loving, secure, taking appropriate action, owning all projections, cleaning up his/her karma, dispassionate (especially about his/her own thoughts and feelings), unconcerned, untouched by the opinion of others or the results of his/her actions, enjoying objects for what they are i.e. fully aware of all their inherent defects, satisfied, whole and complete... etc. How Do the Gunas Function? The gunas are programmed ways of thinking and acting. They are totally predictable. All the gunas build on themselves, so rajas will create more rajas, as will tamas create more tamas and sattva more sattva. The gunas all work together and at any given time, one of them will predominate. Rajas and tamas are inseparable. I call them the ‘terrible twins’. James calls them ‘incestuous bedfellows’. For instance, when rajas is operating, the mind will be projecting outwards and tamas will be right there to deny it. They are just the programmes that run the individual (and everything else). They are a problem if you do not have the knowledge of how the apparent reality functions, or if you identify with them. For instance, if you find yourself saying “I am rajasic or I am tamasic today”, you are identified with them. The person may be rajasic/tamasic today but you, awareness, are not. Remember, you are the knower of the person; therefore you are the knower of the gunas. Again, whenever you find yourself saying “I” press pause and ask yourself, “who is talking here... which perspective am I identified with, the reflected self (the person) or me, awareness?” If you can consistently do this, it will change your life forever. All three gunas have an upside as well as a downside, as does everything in this apparent reality. Without rajas, you would never get out of bed in the morning or accomplish anything. Rajas is the active, creative ‘force’. It is the mode of passion and desire. Not all desire or passion is bad however; you need a passion for self inquiry and a strong desire for moksha. It is one of the qualifications. Tamas is the very substance of matter, a heavy and steady energy. Without it you not be capable of endurance. You would not have the staying power to complete anything and would more or less float off the planet. You would not be ‘earthed’...and you would never be able to sleep. With too much sattva you can get stuck in a golden cage of experiential bliss, thinking happiness is the Holy Grail and that you are quite special. Sattva is not the be all and end all, even though sat, awareness (of which sattva is the most subtle manifestation) is actually the true nature of the mind. Sattva however, is a state of mind that is experienced by the doer, the Subtle Body. It is purely experiential and therefore does not last. It certainly will not free the person from dependence on objects or end the subtle existential suffering that comes with it. It is the last object to be released before moksha. Yet it is a valuable energy for inquiry and should be cultivated as it is the guna springboard for self-knowledge. ‘After’ moksha, sattva or peace of mind no longer needs to be the goal, although one will still make choices in alignment with it. However once all the objects have been negated along with the doer, it will be there naturally and if it should not be, that is fine too because you know that as awareness you are beyond sattva. ~ Is it Self-Inquiry or a Spiritual Lifestyle? Many spiritual seekers are looking for a way to cope with their unresolved psychological issues or as a balm to salve their emotional wounds. Often, they have the vanity to think they are pure and holy because they have had some kind of transcendental spiritual experiences or because they have walked away from a samsaric life when their ‘renunciation’ is actually escapism. They build a ‘spiritual’ identity that makes them feel less small and afraid. This is one of the negative effects of sattva. Being “spiritual” becomes a lifestyle. ~ How to Manage the Gunas Other than gaining the knowledge of what the gunas are and how they operate, which is half the battle , you can do a great deal to manage them through self knowledge. This means that you know that there are appropriate actions to maintain peace of mind for the jiva. If you are feeling brain dead, depressed or lazy, you can do something physical, like take a walk or exercise. If you are bouncing off the walls with extroversion, stress, fear or anxiety, driven by desire or action….slow down. Skip the coffee, cut down on sugar. Find some time alone where you can sit quietly and breathe in light. Once you have calmed down, meditate, sit in silence or light a candle, do a puja, chant or pray. Many enlightened people do not bother managing the gunas and simply accept whatever transpires in the dharmafield, knowing it has nothing to do with them. This practice is fine if the underlying motivation is not a refusal to face binding vasanas; or a way to camouflage the doer. If the mind is agitated or dull because of your life choices or lifestyle, freedom will not be that free unless you acknowledge the cause of the agitation in the light of self-knowledge. This is a common trap for spiritual seekers and one the ego likes. Often it is not lack of self-knowledge that is the problem. It is just that the ‘self-realised’ person is avoiding doing what it takes to change their behaviour…meaning staring down their vasanas, and getting their actions and lifestyle to conform with dharma. ~ Practical Lifestyle Management Take a look at your lifestyle and change what you can. Diet is very important for guna management. Learn which foods cause which guna. Examine what you do for a living, how you recreate, spend money and exercise. Stop hoarding unwanted ‘stuff’ (psychological and otherwise). Examine your relationships with people. Don’t keep company with people who bring you down. Or, if you can’t avoid them, see how the gunas run them. See where they want things to be different and the pain it causes. People can’t help being true to their predominant guna when they are unaware that there is choice. The practice of seeing how the gunas operate in yourself and ‘others’, will put you in a whole new world of perception. Of course there really are no ‘others’ as there is only one self with three guna- manufactured bodies. By that I mean that they work the same way in everyone. The gunas run the show for everyone who is identified with the body/mind and the story of personhood. If the predominant guna is tamas, clean out your cupboards; give away everything you don’t really need, stop staying up or getting up late, stop eating tamasic foods, get some exercise. Educate yourself about proper nutrition. Guna management is just common sense. Avoid depressants such as alcohol, sleeping pills and drugs. Be constantly on the alert for denial of any kind. If the dominant guna is rajas, be on constant alert for mindless activity, aggression, arrogance, projection, desire and extroversion. Rajas and tamas are the real problem makers. Check your diet. Too much sugar, coffee and other stimulants exacerbate rajas and induce it. So do many over-the-counter as well as prescription medications. More than half the planet seems to be on some kind of tranquiliser and it is not hard to see why. James says that rajas is the disease of the 21st century. If you observe too much sattva, stop pretending that you are ‘special’ because you have ‘out of this world’ epiphanies, spiritual knowledge and lots of bliss. Or stop pretending that you are very holy because you meditate, chant for hours or have an enlightened guru, (or worse, that you think you are an enlightened guru). Or you think you have the moral high-ground because you are a vegan/vegetarian and live on sprouts. Get real, keep it humble and keep up the practice of self-knowledge. The point here is that everyone has a predominant guna which will not only create their most entrenched tendencies, (i.e. vasanas) but it will also be what has conditioned them to have a particular kind of nature. There is no right or wrong here, no better or worse. We do not make ourselves the way we are; Isvara…the gunas…do. The ‘work’ involved in self-inquiry is identifying the gunas through self-knowledge and allowing the knowledge to help ‘you’ manage the gunas by dis-identifying from them and standing as awareness. ~ You can Choose the Guna Once you find yourself acting a particular guna out, just observe what is going on. As a person you have relative free will to choose what action to take to achieve a desired result and thus success in the world is possible. One can make ‘the best of one’s life’ as a jiva. However, those choices themselves are determined by your conditioning, i.e. Isvara or the gunas. Don’t judge or beat yourself up, be dispassionate about whatever is going on… it’s a movie after all. Trace back the train of events, thoughts and feelings to their source and identify what triggered them. The practice of knowledge, the ‘work”, is keeping an eye on the person and his/her likes and dislikes. Make a note of the guna and adjust it in light of the kind of mind you are trying to create. Make peace of mind your aim at all costs. Each time you do this, it will get easier to manage the gunas and it will be easier to recognize them quicker when they appear as your likes and dislikes. Consider the likes and dislikes appearing in your mind as red flags, ways to identify the vasanas that keep a particular program running. It is like playing a computer game: although it appears as if you are making the moves, all the moves that are possible are already programmed into the game. If you keep up the practice of knowledge, before long, you will have de-activated the like or dislike that keeps the program running. It will no longer condition the subtle body, although it may still appear. You will no longer be a robot acting out unconscious motives by reacting to your environment. If the vasana is still there but you do not have to act on it, it is considered non-binding. As stated above: understanding the guna teaching means that you understand the nature of your environment, (meaning Isvara) which includes you as a jiva. It is also important to remember that it is impossible and unnecessary to de-activate all vasanas. Not all vasanas are bad; you need a vasana for self inquiry and other to motivate yourself. As long as a vasana is not causing excessive agitation in the mind, it is dharmic. Knowing the nature of the gunas and vasanas renders the doer non-binding. Quote from Edwin on the Gunas As it is with all the teachings of Vedanta, knowledge is power. Sadly, many people try to control the gunas without understanding them. This can lead to a painful exercise in what is called “will power.” When we do things we recognize as harmful, but don’t understand the mechanism at work, we make resolutions, manhandling our psyche, so to speak. Sometimes these resolutions are kept; often they are broken. And we suffer accordingly. As the gunas are Maya, they are illusory. They draw us into the world of objects – including thoughts and feelings – and lead us to identify with these objects. The whole point of identifying the gunas, (which are also objects) and managing them is to understand the gunas, not to be afraid of what is bad or become attached to what is good in the gunas. ~ A Fearless Moral Inventory Conduct a fearless inventory of your likes and dislikes and see which guna values they represent. Be totally honest, without shame, blame or fear as you investigate what you are invested in. Be really alert, like a sharp bird with an acute monocular vision; witness the person you think you are and what goes on in his/her mind and life. Triguna vibhava yoga (managing the gunas) is a great way to purify your mind and prepare it for enlightenment. All the vasanas and samskaras (a conglomeration of vasanas) are nothing but the results of the gunas and their conditioning. They become binding obstacles (pratibandikas) when they are not understood and controlled. ~ Prarabdha Karma, the Effects of Ignorance and Karma Yoga If the effects of ignorance are playing out (prarabdha karma) and you cannot change it, accept it. Don’t resist. Do what you can to ameliorate them with equanimity and through dharmic lifestyle choices. Know that it is not you and it will pass; this is what Isvara is bringing your way as the jiva and you must flow with it. Resistance keeps you tied to the person and is a guarantee of more suffering. The gunas are constantly changing and impersonal, like everything else in the apparent reality; what use is control? Karma yoga is the only solution as there is no way to fast forward this process. It is common that people who have realised the self, still struggle with stubborn samskaras and with fears that seem to have no origin. The effects of ignorance take as long as they take to subside; it is not up to the jiva or to awareness. Fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real, and is the very nature of rajas. It is part of the fabric of the macrocosmic mind and the jiva being an extension of it has unnamed and gripping fears that emerge from the depths like monsters from the deep. Rajas and tamas are impersonal and together these two form the main problematic components of ignorance. They are not real. They belong to the causal body, not to you. It only seems like they belong to the jiva because there is always a corresponding story that comes with them. The gunas belong to Isvara and have nothing to do with awareness or with the person. The person has a story and has suffered; there is no escape if you are a jiva. As long as one is identified with the person, rajas stalks you every step of the way and the pitfalls of tamas are waiting to engulf you. ~ Following Dharma The knowledge of how the gunas function alleviates existential pain and guilt and gives you X-ray vision into yourself and everyone else. It shows that no-one is doing anything…or ever has. You can stop blaming yourself or anyone else for anything you did or anything that happened ‘to you’. Those who think that they are doers have no choice but to follow their natures. When you know you are not the doer, you can choose to drop “your” story’. This is not to say you do not take appropriate action when required or that you would do harm to any part of the creation. You would naturally make choices that give peace of mind, (sattva) and causes no injury, not because you feel guilt or duty bound, but because you are doing what is right. This is what following dharma means. Om and prem,

For all we know Donald Trump could be enlightened and living in a state of pure bliss. How are we supposed to know what his internal state is like?

I'm going to recap 4 meow trips I had in the last 2 weeks. 25mg + some weed (2hrs) 30mg + weed (45 mins) 35mg + lots of weed (3 hours) 40mg + lots of weed (4 hours) For me meow can be divided into a 3 stage trip. Stage 1: Time for the comeup, before ego death Stage 2: Unravelling of the mind, ego death Stage 3: Putting the mind and sense of self back together Stage 1: This is were I masturbate and watch porn. Meow is much better in this regard than regular DMT, which distorts reality more. It's insane with the level of feeling you have. I'm not sure I would advise starting it. Once the connection between psychedelics and sexual plessure has been made it's hard to sever it. It might almost be impossible. I get horny just from feeling a psychedelic in my system. It's like my brain knows that it is going to receive pleasure. It's similar to a kid looking at a naked woman. He'll just see the naked woman until the connection between nakedness and sex is made. It's a bit sad but I don't really know what to do with myself when I sit in my room with a ton of shit in my brain that makes me feel like I'm having sex with the universe or God. Anyhow after about 4 orgasms and me being totally exhausted I usually drop into bed. Stage 2: Meow is pointless if the dose is not high enough. The only point of meow is to get you to die. This only really happened on the first trip. I couldn't really see what was happening, but I got this cool animation of following a thread/string back to its source. The source being a bright light. While the thread was being followed back or unravelled I noticed that things were being removed/forgotten. At one stage my parents and family were gone and then sense of self followed shortly afterwards. There is a point were you have to completely let go, it feels like you will die. Letting go felt similar to going to sleep. Just that in this case you are fully aware and it feels like you won't wake up again. The person that goes to sleep might not be the same person that wakes up again. I'm turning my head from side to side trying to let go and fall asleep. It takes a while and no matter how much I let go I don't breakthrough. Then it just takes me and I'm dead lol. Body gone. Mind gone. Nothing. My body slackens as if it has died and I lie in bed completely motionless. There is noone there to perceive the nothing. Music is playing. Noone to enjoy the music. It just plays. There are noises outside but no thoughts or interpretations. There is not even bliss. To me bliss only happens when there is a person to enjoy the freedom of bliss. This state cannot be described. The void/nothing was completely different than I had imagined. I was still dead in my bed and after sometime it settled. Then some otherwordly presence swept right in, I have never experienced this presence in the form it had taken on this day. It didn't feel like it's part of this world or that it is me. It only lasted a few moments and I don't know what to make of it. On consecutive trips I didn't fully breakthrough even though the dose was higher. To be fair though my sense of being and the will to hold on was tiny. It had been reduced to a dust particle. There wasn't much left other than the maddening will to survive and hold on to life. My fourth trip had an interesting stage 2. I was lying in bed and my sense of self was fading. I was looking down at my body and I looked through it. The sense of my body had collapsed in an instant like it had been made of snow and had evaporated into snow flakes and just fell apart. After that something mind boggling happened. I was going back in time?! My eyes were closed and I was moving my legs and arms like a kid. It must've looked pretty funny from the outside. My limb movements got smaller as I went further back in time until I was back in my mothers womb and could basically not move at all. The sense of my body had been reduced to a small lump of cells. I enjoyed not having to do anything and just floating in space. But then sense of my limbs decreased and I got the feeling that I have to move my arms myself otherwise I'm gonna die. After some moments that felt like and eternity I moved my right arm downwards in a twitchy motion and it stopped. I was alive! Stage 3: Stage 3 is what makes meow so unique. This is the only psychedelic I have had were I can observe how the sense of my body is put together after ego death. On regular DMT I noticed that something is happening and then it was back all of a sudden. I couldn't see what is happening, meow shows you more of it. This part of the trip was very similar every time, no matter the dose. With every breath I inhale I feel more alive, almost as if I'm breathing for the first time in years. I feel my heart beating again boom boom boom and feel so alive. Alive alive alive like reborn. The weirdest feeling I get is when the feeling of a body comes back. It's like the flesh on my bones is pressed onto my self from the outside. It's pretty eeew, my skin turned inside out and doesn't feel like it's part of me first. Like it is external. But after a while I recognize it as part of me and I am back. Aftereffects: On other psychedelics I have never gotten effects on following days, but on meow I do. Sometimes it seems like my posters on my wall are floating in mid space. Other times I get subtle Acid like effects with colors changing slightly or patterns on surfaces and stuff. Starring into nothing when talking to people or being absent happens from time to time. I feel emptier but without bliss. Duration: The duration does increase the more you take. Below 20mg it is closer to 1 hour till its completely over. Around 30mg its more like 2 hours. Lots of weed can increase the duration of the trip. Looking forward: I'm hoping that the novelty of meow wears off and I don't feel the need to masturbate on it every time. Not mixing it with weed should help as weed makes me horny af. Tbh I have gotten bored of meow pretty fast and will probably take a break from it as it does pretty much the same thing every time. It's by far the most boring psychedelic in that regard. Plan for the future is a trip every 2 weeks of about 40-50mg.

People go on searching for the opposite. People only respect the opposite. This has to be understood - this tendency. People are attracted by the opposite but the opposite cannot change you - because the attraction of the opposite is a very natural law. Man is attracted to woman; woman is attracted to man. The poor is attracted to the rich and - you will be surprised - the rich is attracted to the poor. Rich people always think that the poor are enjoying great things - they have beautiful sleep, they have good appetite. Rich people always think that there is great )oy in living in nature - in living in a hut, in a cottage. Rich people always think that in small villages far away there is joy and bliss. In great cities how can there be joy? They live in the great cities and they hanker for the village. And ask the villager. He hankers for Bombay, New York, London. His hankering is to reach the biggest city possible. His hankering is to live in a big skyscraper. He wants all that the rich people have. Remember, rich people are interested in the poor - so whenever they see an enlightened person living in poverty their heads bow down. They say, 'This is the right thing.' If they see a King JANAK, a rich man, enlightened, they cannot believe it. After Enlightenment, Buddha returns home. His wife asks him: ‘What you attained in the jungle—was it not possible to attain it here? Why leave home, me, your child?’” Buddha was silent. If Buddha can become enlightened under a tree, you can become enlightened under a blanket.

Notes Peak experience and permanent (?) shift in perspective. When I was a little boy I used to love sitting by the car window. My siblings and I would fight each other for the privilege of being able to watch the world zip past as we made the drive into town. When I was lucky enough to win, I would savor my view by moving my focus in and out of the world outside. I would start by watching things way off in the distance drift slowly by, like a mountain on the horizon or a cloud floating silently through the sky. I would then move my focus to something closer like a cow grazing under a tree and I would watch as they drifted past slightly faster than the mountain. I would then move even closer to the barbed wire fences and scrubs that skirted the road, struggling to concentrate on the barbs and posts that flashed in front of me. Eventually I would be watching the grass a few meters away from the car with a sore head trying to spot individual blades in the blur of green. My universe began to rumble with my forehead pressed on the glass. My intense concentration would always break into silence as my eyes looked at the scratches on the glass and I became aware that I was sitting in the car, somewhat relieved that the world was small again. I liked to hug my knees and make myself feel cozy as the trip went on. Somehow I would relish the paradox of being in a small metal box hurtling through a big world. This was part of my preparation process for what was undoubtedly the best part of the road trip. The hump. The hump was situated at the top of a hill just on the edge of town. There was a sharp decline that would produce freefall sensation as the laws of inertia lifted you out of your seat. My dad would hit it especially fast and we would careen over it like the dukes of hazard squealing with laughter as we “flew”. *** I was doing a long strong determination sit one morning. As the hours passed the sunlight began to creep through my curtain and onto the wall in front of me. I watched as the beam crept closer and closer to my head, eventually I could feel the warmth of the light hit my right ear and move across my scalp to the other side and back onto the wall. I burst out laughing when I realized that the beam never moved. What in fact was happening was that my entire house was moving across the path of suns light as the earth was rotating. Of course this is just a belief that I picked up from science but it was still a great shift in perspective. Later that day I was riding the bus back from university. The sun was setting over the farmland to the left of me, throwing up beautiful red and purple colors into the sky. To the right a full moon was rising along with the twinkles of a few bright stars in the twilight. I was sitting alone in the back of the bus and I remembered how I used to hold my knees. I curled up and watched the world passing by, admiring the beauty and moving my focus in and out like I did when I was a kid. The bus hit a dip and flung me into the air giving me the exact same feeling of freefall that I used to get as we drove over the hump. I don’t really know what happened next. I had a full blown overview effect kick in as I was floating above my seat. I realized I was watching the world pass by through the window but I also realized I was watching the universe pass by through the sky. The sky changed from being the sky to being a giant car window that I was looking out of! Some of the things way out in the distance like the faint twinkling stars were passing by slowly, others, like the sun were closer but moved much more quickly. The moon was moving past very rapidly. In an instant I went from feeling like a cozy boy in a small car to feeling like a cozy boy on a small planet. My entire body sprang up goosebumps and I began shaking with laughter, no sound came out of my mouth, I was just shaking. Tears began to flow down my cheeks and I was soon soaked in the most intense bliss I have ever felt. I’ve had plenty of peak emotional experiences before, but this was on a whole ‘nother level. I could feel some of my facial muscles tremoring. If someone had looked back at me they probably would have thought I was having a seizure. I have had a weird sensation in my body for a few weeks after this happened. It feels like I’m falling but I’m not. It’s like my being is falling into itself? I don’t really know how to describe it. I can’t look at the sky the same way I used to do either. Now when I’m walking down the street I’m not really walking down the street with the same mindset I used to have. I’m walking down the street on my little planet, as we drive by the sun. When I see the moon or Mars I wonder about the mountains and valleys on them. It would be cool to go for a drive in another planet. The silence of the sky washes away the noise of the world for me. I feel open, like I’m naked inside. It’s beautiful. ***