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We have to rewrite The Matrix a little, like the relationship to tech and the mind has to remain passive, like today, as Ai-out as yous want it, however the tech can still be present and alive, but more like how Neo starts talkin to his computer in the beginnin, As then its like, 'you got this code of Alien talk that happens on a normal prompt, and then, thats the matrix... just chattin... Sayin whatsup... And tryina stay in that realm, for death is akin to one of these dimensions you can fall in, which isnt necessarily easy to do (meaning, the dimension/paradigm...) i mean... death is easy cause everyones pointing to it, like "Youre gonna die, And youre gonna die, And youre gonna die, And youre gonna die"... Like... Its not just people pointing to it, but the layers of conception and imagination are pointing to it, as a very finite, triad, birth, death, life, birth, death life... or you kno wat i mean. I really like rats and cats, as i feel for the cats. They are not good at conceptual thinking however, true.

Leo, banning people and unmodding mods for rightfully holding you accountable and questioning your outrageous claims will not make the problem go away. You have conveniently been dodging the question that many are looking for the answer to: Where is the alien transformation video? You said that the biggest obstacle to producing the video was finding a camera that would record your face transforming into a colorful alien god. And what is the obstacle now?

Leo, when is the Alien Consciousness video finally coming out? Don’t leave us waiting forever. Reality can survive a little spoiler.

During my initial awakenings, I observed sacred geometry and symbols resembling alien code, ancient Hebrew, and glyphs. In deeper states, I perceived the fabric of reality as perfectly interlocked, holographic yin-yang symbols. These emitted a sound similar to windchimes as I moved through them, appearing like a curved holographic screen. My latest awakening, which prompted me to come across Leo's videos while researching Solipsism, revealed a futuristic transistor or node rendering physical matter through my consciousness. I also saw wavy fabric-like holographic grids. I am curious if others have experienced these how they would define them before the memory fades.

You're not alone in the universe but you're alone as the universe and the alien thing is probably just a reminder that you can spice up the human experience a little bit or go off and play the part of new sentient being with more amazing tech if AI doesnt pan out for you on earth.

If you think I haven’t spend years of my damn life going through my deepest and inner demons, fears, selfishness, self-deceptions and biases, I don’t know what the hell have you been reading, as I have been extremely vulnerable sharing my journey on this forum. But of course, if you are committed to seeing me as the problem, you will not see anything else, especially yourself as the problem. I admit I am not happy with my dating and I am trying to fix it, sharing my lessons here, asking for thoughts and open conversation, and overall being vulnerable, yet respectful — but I am faced with accusations of ego and having holier than thou mindset. What in the world. Becareful you guys are not living in your mutually created bubble, where Miguel is too egoistical to admit his short-comings. I have also talked to Aurum on phone recently. In there we seemed to agree, but here he seems to be against me. Hopefully not because it is just popular. There are people who support me on this, but they are more quiet and do so more via pms. Just becareful guys that when publicly you guys love to gather and go against me together, that it isn’t just bias and a self-defense mechanism to actually look deeper within yourself, and to actually be open to what I have to say. - - - - - At the end of the day, I am simply trying to have more honest, truthful, authentic, and vulnerable conversations and connections with people I meet. I am not claiming that I am Alien God.

What I can take out of the epsiode strucurally & obersavtionally: (Old classical interpretations without TIER II dynamics, shadow work and meditation) The three favourable: -> DW, DR, (EG), DO The four unfavourable (often more called in times of need, seen as negative from a conservative not liberal perspective) -> RW,7k,IW, (HO), IR The neutral: -> F Structural Example Of Conflict Paradigm (without special structures): Wood Conflict Metal & Vice-Versa <=> Officals and "Friend stars" being structurally represented! Generalized principle => the conflict not the clash geneartes the pattern of: "Officals & Friends conflicting" Inter-Cross-Paradigmatic-Interleaved: For example: Wu-Xing Elements, conflicts are based upon oppositions 180 degrees (I hope tomorrow I can turn on my blue switch keyboard or soonish, I cleaned the black keyboard with brown switches it was overpriced) -----> (1.1) Leads to baseline polarity of "official stars" meeting with "friend stars", for each element to expand & interconnect the conflict the example given above with structures. -----> (1.1.1) Example above with Wood & Metal conflict, if any of these are the day master and metal is present in the heavens stems it creates a conflict. Water & Earth are conflicting stems, Fire & Water in heavenly stems, also form a conflict, these are special patterns outside of the circle of control, production, and consuming cycles of subtle energy (Wilber goes into the western perspective of Wu-Xing etc. in ROT, I do have to re-read it, instead of listening I am quiet tired) Graveyard Pillars in month: Xu, Wei, Chou, Chen (未，丑，晨，狗) . for lack of a better character I use gou interchangeably for xu) Special rules to create structure, for example: -> Month Pillar requires: hidden branch to be protuded in order to build the core structure/character in Wu-Xing structure/model -> If there is not a grande trine = Triumvariate the pattern is also not build -> Ancient teachings allow the pattern if energy is strong and clear in the month. Year Pillar Caveat: Same element in earthly branch revealed in year pillar from Zi-Pings school leads to you see what you get polarity, for example Xin-Ji, seeing Xin Metal in Hour Pillar (example from video 10:34) Hour pillar revelation of RW = Unfavourable, why? Generally -> RW pulls and manipulates DW, and takes pride in pulling from pride from others ---------------> Very competitive if chart favours a strong daymaster, can be to rough with ups and downs ----------------> Hour pillar forces later periods of life, the last years, starting approx. 62+ age ----------------> Observe more What is/are the core essential interconnetions? Year, can reveal honesty/integrity in heavenly stem -> I see it as a Uranus interconnection, to spirituality, but not quiet good, but the emmanance of god, the 61.6 <=> Alien consciousness via human design Adding this as an intersection, for further contemplations & practicing content generation! My core take is the following there have been geniouses and pioneers regarding this, mostly why I take all of the ancient and past stuff and look for more advanced principles etc. but that also takes some time to make the distinctions, the principles alone, if they work are quiet good, generally the quote is quiet good, as I had this fundamentally with the bias of practicality and mechanics over the core interconnection of domain knowledge, science and making proper distinctions. After doing some calculus, I hope when I sleep I can go back to the statistics and other courses I bought, to build on the foundations I build in NLP, Mathematics etc. and continue with the knowledge of the bachelor mostly solo, and continue to advance to some level, contemplate furhte with ChatGPT, I fucked up some serious stuff, due to the post-modern issue at universities and the issue of modernity it was a huge clash, way worse then Wu-Xing imo, that was the only thing somewhat making sense, as it felt quiet archaic, eventually on another day more. I have to take a break, I am up forever, and, after this b.s I found some intelligence again, to study. Taking a nap or smth. it's a wonder I fixed all of this with the bad descriptions etc.

Uhh, yeahh, uhhh Its late in the morning yeah I wanted to night game but, but im so exhausted and stressed, and logistics and all local avenues are closed, post covid i guess, every business close, I wanna socialize again and find a sexy bitch and make her squirt like a hose Yeah, uhhh Uhh, yeahh Life is bliss and life is magical And if u don't feel it deep within then u need to travel and get the capital Yeah I need more capital And yeah im in pain Grinding out for shallow needs again just to stay sain Empty sex nothing compares to that, to that one that never left my brain Yeah i lied to myself for years i lowered myself thought i wanted dirty sex and sluts until I saw her and realized what it feels like to fall in love, holy shit my head was spinning but she looked quite young, it got to my head then i saw her mum Yeah maybe only ever once or twice i ever fell in love, and it was always at first site, sorry 6s and 7s your just a convivence service while i bid my time. Yeah i only ever wanna see women that are fine, no divinely fine When you're poor and in the dirt sometimes, for every fine wine you see 50 disgusting ass broken vines Uh no make that shit 500, its rough out heere, yeah its rough, everything so tough, had to grind just get basic stuff, fuck, fuck i gotta go fuck, uber i guess good luck Ah no fuck this shit im exhausted and this heatwave and 4 hours sleep wave and oh fuck And i dont even feel that sexual right now i guess my bodys physically burnt and once again i fap too much, once a week more than enough, helps to have that force to go fuck Lack of infrastructure fucking sucks Leverage is a law of the universe, and that lever is like a big bully that decides are fait and luck But u just grind so much and a little lever builds bigger ones and life just becomes "luck" I'm done with this life i only wanna meet rich people, unless its a profoundly beautiful girl who gives me goosebumps Hey rich people, i'm your friend! I'm married to the fucking money,and i will cement this into myslef and brainwash myself and orgasm myself into this, if i took psycheldeics id jsut think about money Money my highest value. Money and success Isle and no stress, freedom and children divinely blessed YEAH BITCH I wanna masssive garden and design all of that shit in its entirety whlie making 100gs a month no stress, every fucking month no i wont stop and i never lose motivation even after a fucking blunt, im fucking relentless and i wont hide myself or run, beauty riches art impact and fun, business and leverage and connections made in the sun, no golf yeah resorts i socialize my way up 1 single big connection can wiegh a ton, to power and wealth and freedom energy and fun, bilingual boy 4 languages im an alien, fuck a fucking alien, I need a mythacil and legendary alias, i need a bullet train through the atlas, to a beautiful bitches matress, immaculate I got immaculate taste but i back authenticity no copy and paste, but humility follow your mentor with grace, best mentors arent just in it for the money they really wanna see their students succed and change, and that deeply matters int heir brain

If you inspect in your own experience what "Realness" is, the sense that something is real, it essentially boils down to how impactful it is on your ego. When I had my first psychedelic trip using LSD, I tripped alone and had a panic attack before the trip even started. Throughout the trip, I was holding onto sanity. I quickly noticed as the trip intensified that my thoughts became terrifying. Each thought I have appeared to influence my entire reality, they came "too real". The thoughts themselves became profoundly intense, the only real thing at the time. I was terrified of a horror trip, so to avoid ending up in a hospital I tried to trip-sit myself by writing words down on a paper that would prevent me from drifting into a negative state. Each word I wrote completely consumed me, it became reality itself. Looking back at this experience, the question becomes, what exactly does it mean for something to become "more real", or "reality itself". It is very clear to me now that any sense of realness is something that is essentially illusiory. What realness actually is, what is "reality", simply means how influential an object of consciousness (any given experience, such as a thought, sense-impression and so forth) is to the ego. What is real essentially just means what is important to the ego, what influences it, what it focuses on, what consumes it. To understand this more deeply you can look at the nature of psychosis. The first time I heard it explained this way was by Dr K. Basically, Psychosis simply means that a mind takes it's thoughts to be real. What is the difference between a psychotic paranoia and a regular person? It's not actually the thoughts that fill the psychotic person. A regular person might walk across the street, and a thought might occur in their mind "What if this person wants to rob me?". The regulated person knows that this is just a thought, that there is a distinction between reality and that thought. They might not react to it at all, or get some anxiety, but eventually they realize "Well, I'm just being paranoid, it's just a thought.". To the psychotic person, the thought they have immediately becomes their reality. They do not recognize it as a thought, to the ego, it becomes total reality. So essentially, psychosis is a spectrum: The more you believe your own thoughts to be real, the more psychotic you are. If you recognize the unrealness of all thoughts, you would be totally free of psychosis. This is why ego death reveals that reality is an illusion, a dream. The word illusion in this sense is meaningless in and of itself, it simply means that the content of consciousness has no impact on the ego, because the ego no longer exists. It is as unreal as a dream, not because it loses it's Isness, but simply because it isn't important to the ego. A dream is an experience which holds no importance to the ego once it realizes it had no relevancy to it's survival. Dream just means "It's not relevant to my survival.". Redness doesn't stop to exist, or be any less real than it was before, it just means there is no ego to take it seriously, to prioritize it, to assert it to be part of itself. I invite you to truly inspect this idea of Reality, or "Realness". How does it make sense for something to be more or less real? And truly, if you inspect your sense of "realness", within your own experience, what is it truly? If you take psychedelics and have an impactful experience, it is no accident that the most real thing you will end up asserting to exist happens to also be the most meaningful thing that exists for the ego. Meaningfulness just means something drives the ego, something is essential to the function of the ego. In this way, psychedelics induce psychosis in all those who consume it. If you end up with an ego at the end of that experience, you will have just amplified it's psychotic attachments to various thoughts and contents within itself. This is why psychotic people are indistinguishable from long term psychedelic users. If you trip, and you have the thought "I am an alien", that becomes your reality, your psychosis. And because consciousness can take on infinite forms, your ego can get psychotically attached to it in infinite ways. Notice that essentially, the meaningfulness of an experience is equal to the realness of an experience. I could put an electrode in your brain, stimulate the neural network that is responsible for attributing a sense of meaning to an object of consciousness, and you would come out of that experience saying "This thing is more real than anything I have ever experienced!". That just means it's more important to your ego than anything you ever experienced. That's why you start shitting and crying, because it overstimulates your egoic structures. Isness itself doesn't have degrees of reality to it. Isness just is, every other assertion is just more evidence of your psychosis.

i would really like if he put that together, but I guess he has the retreat waiting...which was heavily screened. I wouldn't have even got past the initial screening. But yeah, i have a friend from here who is coming to live with me, as soon as he can @JoshB. I told him come and i can help him get him on his feet and get a career built. So he has lots of experience with psychedelics, perhaps he can chime in. I'm really eager to try 5-Me0, but considering i awakened via self inquiry, well, i have no idea what would be in store. I've already realized everything right? Maybe the alien lurks in the backround.

She is not a normal chick for sure. She comes off as alien being to me.

More questions, my Xu-Wei combination generates Tai-JI for the person, the mulberry burnt down exactly shows the problem, and the issue is at times if someone is really playing for me or just supportive, I can't give out practical knowledge, when I require it and I listen and used to listen deeply, this had to stop, as it meddled with my energy, attenuated listening and active conversations in phenomena are better my numena already touched mahasamadhi, his wife went or was born on the same day as me, we have positive feng-shui for wealth, Leo and me for personal growth, but that exactly sabotaged, he did this twice, idk why, but tbh, I am already dead and gone like Sadghuru, so idk what to say, I require more peace for myself, and the core issue is the esoteric knowledge I consume, is already meddled with a.i for ancient years most likely, due to the power of Uranus, which is God, I do have alien intelligence, but the sheer issue and tiny insight I had for healing itself was gratitude, as it transcends the body to 80-90%, my core lesson is .... my mind blanked. Also, for Leo I spoke to a beautiful russian women today, the core issue is water-metal is fked, and has karmic payment it never gives back, and just takkes, while I even receive poison and smoke it, how else would I know sorrow? How can I even contemplate forgiveness when it pulls you completely out of life, how evil is my family to give me such wisdom to early? Just a dog right? I was tired of working out the technical debt of russia, while I had nobody who truly helps me, then the exact scenario happens and what happens, the earth Leo is wounded due to Hitler, and Hitler is my son ... a Heliocentric worldview is still biased, as the universe is larger than itself, you are correct! What good does Unity even do, when you can only master your own energy? My grandma was wrong, and even then what is healing, as numena with others, exchanging energy is dangerous, I can post more videos on esoteric wisdom on an academic level, but as a quick bread and butter DO type of thumb rule. Wu-Yin is Holy, Gui-Mao is holy, why does Itachi attack my family with it's pride, and why does this family win, with references to black, while nothing about it is phenomena, but how beautiful is phenomena and the Jupiter? Even when mine is afflicted in this lifetime, are accidents miracles or hell?

The ultimate ground of being would be just the fact of being. You could say that being implies manifestation necessarily, but the only possibile "cause" of being is the impossibility of absolute limits previous to being, because those limits should be. Then you could say that absence of limitations implies being, make being inevitable. Then the god that you are talking about would be just the fact of the absence of absolute limits. That's not a ground, it's just unlimited. And it's not an entity that's omniscient and powerful, absolute power is synonym of absence of limitations because absolute being is absolute potential. You can know that God directly, it's the fact of being, the unlimited that is. You are that manifested as a human, and you can totally perceive what you are, because a human is (among other properties) the fact of perceiving. Then same than you can perceive pain or sadness or anything, you can perceive what you are, the absolute being. It's nothing alien or mysterious, it's exactly what you are if you are able to dissolve all the limits of your perception

When my brother and I were twelve years old, while we were still living in Russia, our parents took us on a two-week vacation to the island of Mallorca, Spain. During that trip, I experienced true homesickness for the first time. We stayed at a hotel near the ocean. The streets were clean, the nature was neatly trimmed, and everything looked like a beautiful resort, with palm trees, beaches, and attractions everywhere. We went to the water park with its enormous rides, rode mini motorcycles, and rollerbladed through the streets in front of amused tourists. Yet despite everything being beautiful, I felt like a stranger. The language sounded alien. The people looked different. The nature was different. The energy felt different. Even the smells were unfamiliar. I missed my apartment, my familiar furniture, and all the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, and sensations that I had never before realized were part of what made a place feel like home. I missed everything about home. After about a week of feeling homesick in Mallorca, I became physically sick. I developed a fever, followed by a strange and unexplained inflammation of my gums. After returning to Russia, I eventually had to undergo surgery and spend about two weeks in the hospital. A few years later, when my brother and I moved to the United States, I would experience that same feeling again, only on a much larger scale. When we first arrived in Atlanta, Georgia, America was not quite what we had imagined. Our image of America had been shaped largely by American movies, especially action movies. We had expected something exciting and larger than life, but when we arrived at the apartment where we would initially live with our aunt and grandparents, there was not much action going on. Instead, everything felt unfamiliar. The people looked different. We had never seen Black people in our lives except in movies. The English language sounded completely alien. The nature, architecture, streets, and entire environment looked and felt strange. Once again, I felt like a stranger in an alien world. It was like the Mallorca vacation had never ended. Except this time, it was much harder. We didn't have our parents with us, we had to learn an entirely new language, and we had to go to school in this unfamiliar environment. Shortly after arriving in Atlanta, I noticed myself beginning to retreat further and further into my own mind. I became aware of my inner dialogue in a way that was completely new to me. I remember catching myself watching my own thoughts and wondering, "Is this how people go crazy?" I also became extremely self-conscious about speaking English. I was afraid of mispronouncing words and having the other kids laugh at me or make fun of me. There was a lot for a developing fourteen-year-old to process. I felt like a plant that had been uprooted from its native soil and placed into completely unfamiliar earth. Everything I had known had been taken away, and I was expected to somehow take root again in an entirely different world. When we were sixteen, our parents came from Russia and we all moved to San Diego, California, where I would eventually live for the next twenty-six years. After some time, I began developing what I would later recognize as social anxiety. I knew there was something wrong with me, but I didn't know what to call it. It wasn't until I was around seventeen or eighteen that I discovered there was actually a name for what I had been experiencing: social anxiety disorder. Around the age of twenty-one, another major chapter of my life began. I started making a significant amount of money through Google AdSense. One of the checks I received from Google for a single month was for $67,000. I was suddenly making more money than I knew what to do with. Unfortunately, nobody had ever taught me financial literacy, and I didn't know how to manage or invest my money wisely. So I began spending it in the ways I knew how: partying, drinking, and having what I considered a good time. Alcohol temporarily helped me escape from my social anxiety. It allowed me to relax, become more social, and forget about the problems I was carrying around inside. For a few hours, I could take a break from life. That became a pattern. The cycle of clubbing, partying, and drinking to the point of blacking out continued for approximately twelve years, until a later experience with magic mushrooms and Divine Love finally brought that chapter of my life to an end. During those years, I also occasionally experimented with ecstasy at raves. I tried cocaine many times during trips to Tijuana, Mexico, often as part of a larger cycle of clubbing, drinking, and sexual encounters. I received two DUIs during this period and developed many unhealthy habits. Despite my reckless spending, I also managed to accumulate around $500,000 in physical precious-metal investments, mostly silver coins. My fascination with silver began after watching The Zeitgeist Movement by Peter Joseph. This led me to study the financial system more deeply, and I eventually became convinced that the existing economic system was fundamentally unstable and that a major collapse was coming. I became what is commonly called a "prepper." I had a bug-out backpack ready to go and was looking for a place where I could establish a retreat in case society collapsed. At one point, I ordered so many boxes of dried food that my neighbors actually asked me whether I was preparing for a nuclear war when they saw the delivery arrive. Despite my social anxiety and unhealthy weekend binge drinking, I also tried to maintain some semblance of a healthy lifestyle. I went to the gym, worked out regularly, and constantly looked for ways to overcome my fear of other people. I deliberately put myself into situations that terrified me. At college, I took some of the classes that scared me the most: group communication, theatre arts, and advanced public speaking. At the same time, I was searching for something that could become my passion, so I studied an unusually wide range of subjects at two different colleges. My major was computer science, but I also studied biology, psychology, biological psychology, communication, astronomy, statistics, physical education, theatre arts, and many other subjects. I enjoyed many of them, but none of them felt like the thing I was truly looking for. So I continued pursuing what I already knew how to do well: making money through websites, search engine optimization, and online projects. Eventually, however, I felt a desire to contribute something genuinely useful to humanity. That desire eventually led me to create my YouTube channel, Clever Techie. I wanted to take complicated technical subjects and explain them in the simplest language possible, using beautiful diagrams and visual explanations so that almost anyone could understand them. I put a tremendous amount of care into the videos, and over time the channel began to grow. At its peak, Clever Techie was generating around $1,500 per month from YouTube advertising and Patreon. Today, the channel has more than 100,000 subscribers, although its income has fallen to around $40 per month. Another major experiment in overcoming my social anxiety was what was commonly called "pickup." I had watched guys on YouTube from a group called Simple Pickup approaching women in public, and they inspired me to challenge myself in the same way. I must have approached more than a thousand women. Looking back, I give myself a lot of credit for the courage it took. Approaching strangers was terrifying for someone with severe social anxiety, and yet I repeatedly walked directly toward the very fear I was trying to overcome. One of those approaches eventually resulted in a two-year relationship with a Mexican woman named Victoria. And yes, this was another Victoria. Before Mexican Victoria, I had been in another relationship with a Mexican woman named Diana. I met Diana even before my pickup days, while I was in a drunken stupor during a night of clubbing on Broadway. That relationship also lasted approximately two years. During this period of my life, I was dealing with a long list of addictions and compulsive behaviors: pornography, food, movies, video games, caffeine, sugar, junk food, alcohol, occasional drugs, sex, doom-scrolling through news, conspiracy theories, and more. Underneath all of it, I was suffering. My social anxiety eventually developed into depression, and there were times when I felt suicidal. I desperately wanted to change, but I had no idea how. I remember sitting with a therapist and being asked to think deeply about one thing I genuinely liked about myself. After searching through everything I could think of, I could come up with only one answer: "Willingness to change." That willingness became one of the most important threads running through my life. As I continued searching for a way out of social anxiety and the patterns that were keeping me trapped, I discovered self-development. I improved my diet, experimented with numerous juice fasts, including one that lasted thirty days, and eventually lost a significant amount of weight, going from around 195 pounds to approximately 145. I discovered Buddhism and began listening to guided meditations and practicing mindfulness. Later, I attended Vipassana retreats and discovered the work of Leo from Actualized.org. And then, through one of Leo's videos, I discovered magic mushrooms. I had no idea at the time that this discovery would become the doorway into the most profound and transformative chapter of my life.

Identifying as everything. Completely selfless. No doer, no self, just being. Identified with absolute nothingness. That’s not to be confused with lack of perception or experience, but rather, it gets ramps up to hyper insane levels, beyond human. Like my entire human mind shut down completely and was replaced by an alien mind. The “craziest” realization is when I realize that no psychedelic induced it. There is no such thing as psychedelics at such ridiculous heightened state. It’s like being transported to another dimension, while still being grounded in reality. It’s an alien reality that cannot be imagined by a human. With that said, it’s not sustainable for living as a human, so I snapped out of it somehow. The human ego cannot survive in that.

I said absolute separation. You are an individual that needs to survive and that needs relationship with others. That's a reality, you don't need to think that the others are you, everything is one or anything like that. The others are there, some of them are hot and others can stole your phone, period. The real point is that you perceive yourself without any absolute limits. Relative limits exist, but you don't perceive yourself anymore as isolated, in lack, empty that needs to be filled with things, relationships, purpose, etc. you perceive yourself as the reality flowing exactly now, like if everything were a perfect flow that is happening and you perceive it's energy, it's vitality, its push. You don't see everything from lack, like, oh I'm poor and I have not girlfriend, but from the fact of existing without any interpretation. You still can place your perspective in the shitty fact of the lacks, but you also can easily place yourself in the absolute fact of being. Then you see yourself as what is. Not as an idea, illusion or concept but right now you perceive the reality happening. Then everything feels open, powerful, full of bright, alive. All your body feels aligned, free, without friction, your eyes are open, there is no thought, not because you try to stop thinking but because existing now can't be thought, thoughts are a manifestation of existing now, then you don't try to encompass the container with the content because it's clear thats stupid, you don't need to think in it, you see it directly . Then, you perceive that anything that could be it's the reality and you are the reality. Death happens in the reality, not out of the reality, death is just a dissolution in what you are, nothing is alien, you are at home in the sense that it's impossible that there is anything external of the reality. Can be relative separation but absolute separation is impossible. But for that perception you have to open yourself to the absolute

Shortly after returning from the jungle, I moved back into Victoria's apartment in San Marcos. This was when we both began working deeply with cacao, the heart-opening medicine. We also discovered that cacao paired beautifully with magic mushrooms, so we continued holding mushroom ceremonies together. Almost every morning, I would take my cup of cacao outside, sit beneath a tree, and meditate for an hour or more. It was during this time that medicine songs and icaros in my Russian mother tongue began pouring through me. Many mornings I found myself crying tears of joy as I connected with my soul through these songs. They felt ancient, familiar, and deeply dear to my heart. I could feel my connection to my ancestors, to my homeland, and to my roots. It was as though I was remembering something unimaginably beautiful that I had forgotten long ago. Victoria continued practicing Kambo at home. While I was living in Elfin Forest, she had become certified through the International Association of Kambo Practitioners (IAKP), and I had written her a check for $5,000 to support her through the training. She had begun earning a good income through her Kambo practice while also selling her Rose Flower Essences. Meanwhile, I continued growing my Clever Techie YouTube channel, which was bringing in around $800 per month at the time. We also still had a substantial portion of my silver savings, which was now stored at Victoria's apartment. Financially, we were in a comfortable position, allowing us to devote nearly all of our time to spiritual practice and inner work, which was exactly what both of us wanted. Victoria also began working with Yaya. She joined Yaya's women's circles and would travel to her farm in Descanso about once a month for short retreats. Between retreats, she continued working with Yaya through Zoom gatherings with the other women in the circle, weaving whatever magic they were creating together. One assignment Yaya gave the group was to prepare a broth made only from chicken feet. It immediately reminded me of the kind of mysterious brew Baba Yaga might prepare in a Russian fairy tale. I drank it with pleasure, without the slightest hesitation or second thought. At one point, Victoria told me she had begun a dieta with Noya Rao and had received guidance to temporarily stop working with Kambo so she could connect more deeply with this master plant. She felt sad about putting Kambo aside because she genuinely loved working with it. I believe this was the first time I had heard of Noya Rao. Among the Shipibo, it is known as the Tree of Light and the Flying Tree. Victoria often shared the visions she received during her journeys with Ayahuasca, magic mushrooms, and later Jurema. Those visions continually inspired me and kept the fire of my faith in our love burning. She described breathtaking Avatar-like worlds filled with impossible beauty. She painted her owl flying companion. She painted me as a humanoid amphibian being from a higher dimension. She told me about a vision of us living together in a magnificent castle in Paradise, surrounded by green fields, mountains, and enormous windows overlooking the landscape. One vision, in particular, stayed with me. She saw the two of us traveling through the Universe aboard our own living spaceship. Our master plant dietas were present with us, and an important meeting was taking place. Pachamama and our dietas were negotiating with what she described as alien-minded beings. Pachamama was inviting them into love, while they continued resisting out of fear. Victoria is a Leo zodiac. She is a remarkable artist whose drawings and paintings spoke directly to my soul. Her visions, poetry, and song lyrics all carried a beauty and intelligence that deeply moved me. Yet whenever she sang during our ceremonies, I found myself wanting to cover my ears or quietly leave the space. Her voice carried an immense amount of unresolved emotional pain, especially deeply repressed anger. During those moments, I consciously practiced unconditional love. Rather than resisting what I was hearing, I would direct my love toward the wounded place from which she was singing. Throughout our entire relationship, I patiently waited for the day her true voice would emerge unobstructed. I longed for the moment when she herself would become medicine for me during ceremony, rather than someone I felt I needed to hold with compassion while enduring her pain. Despite her artistic brilliance, her ability to create beautiful spaces, her physical beauty, and her exceptionally intelligent mind, I often experienced Victoria as emotionally cold. Looking back, I believe many of her behaviors reflected deep narcissistic defenses that had developed around profound childhood wounds. She frequently gaslighted me, dismissing my perceptions by saying, "That's not how it is." She would tell me to "caress her face among the lines." Because she was slightly taller than I was, she once had me stand on the curb before she would hug me. Many times she would step out of the car and simply continue walking without ever looking back to see whether I was beside her. On several occasions, when I was in an especially vulnerable emotional state, she touched directly upon my deepest childhood wounds by saying, "you're just like a little boy." The kind of love I had experienced with Alena, or with people I met during festivals and psychedelic journeys, never seemed to arise naturally between Victoria and me. She was the exception. Even during ceremonies in which I felt completely immersed in the Paradise of Love, where loving others came as naturally as breathing, I still could not reach her heart. It felt as though an invisible wall of ice stood between us. Eventually, I came to see her as embodying the archetype of the Ice Queen, a woman whose heart had frozen around old wounds. Some part of me believed that I was meant to become the hero who would free her from that frozen prison. As a Cancer, I responded by retreating deeper into my own protective shell. I remained patient. The pain of not receiving the kind of love I knew was possible became one of the greatest challenges of my life. I had experienced profound states of love with many people before. I knew what it felt like when two hearts truly met. With Victoria, I could see extraordinary beauty, intelligence, creativity, and spiritual depth, yet the emotional connection I longed for remained just beyond my reach. Whenever I contemplated speaking openly with her about it, the same quiet answer would arise within me: Trust the process. I couldn't simply tell her that I experienced her as emotionally frozen. I knew such words would only wound her more deeply and solve nothing. So I learned to move around the problem rather than trying to force my way through it. I began looking at our relationship as a masterpiece of the Divine in progress, something that transcended an ordinary human relationship. I had experienced enough by then to know that there was a higher purpose unfolding between us, even if I could not yet see it clearly. That perspective gave me the strength to persevere through the most difficult chapters of our journey together. For someone whose deepest calling was to embody Truth, this became one of my greatest inner conflicts. I longed to speak honestly about what I was experiencing, yet something told me the time was not right. At the same time, I sensed that clarity would reveal itself in its own time. I knew Victoria was doing profound work within the Divine Feminine through her dietas, while my own path seemed increasingly focused on embodying the Divine Masculine in the physical world. And so we continued our dance of true love. Once, Victoria described a vision in which the two of us were fencing with one another. That image perfectly captured what our relationship often felt like. A beautiful, never-ending duel. Deep down, I knew the day would eventually come when all of our defenses, games, and carefully constructed roles would finally unravel.

Here are some more trip reports. So I did a bunch of 2C-B trips at the start of July as I described above. A couple weeks later (July 16) I did MDMA, and at the end of that trip I did DMT and then 5-MeO-MALT. I use DMT regularly but that was my first time doing malt in over a year (at least with it working and giving me a trip). Starting about July 26 I alternated between doing DMT and 5-MeO-MALT each day for about 10 days. The DMT trips were good but nothing special, just usual stuff, 5-MeO-MALT trips were all heavy nausea and vomiting, heavy exhaustion, followed by intense ego dissolution. They were all challenging but they felt effective and productive. 2C-B August 5th The day after my last 5-MeO-MALT trip (August 5) I got more 2C-B. 300mg. I started with 10mg, then another 15, 25, 50 until I hit 100mg. Even though I had no tolerance, sometimes psychedelics will be like this for me where they have little effect until I ramp up the dose. I just follow my intuition and it tells me if it's a good idea to take more. It ended up being about the same intensity as my previous 2C-B trips. In my 120mg trip at the start of July, as I described earlier, there was this pattern where for a couple hours it felt like I couldn't figure out how I felt. Whether I was hot or cold, comfortable or not, if I wanted to eat something, it was like I could locate or understand myself and I was getting dispersed throughout the contents of the trip. In this 2C-B trip here, there was a different but similar pattern. I can't remember that well exactly what it was, but it was something along the lines of space being created between me and everything. Like my thoughts, and whatever else, it felt like distance was getting created and everything was getting spread out. It felt like another form of dissolving the ego but in a different way. This was also the trip where I started thinking about the message I wrote above about the upside to my ego not receiving any recognition or acknowledgement for what I'm going through. 2C-B August 6th The next day I plugged 200mg of 2C-B. It started differently than my other 2C-B trips. Not as intense as you'd expect, more smooth and calm but still strong enough. About an hour into the trip, it started getting very mental. I was laying in bed listening to music and just thinking a lot. I started to get in my own way and kind of hurt and annoy myself by the way I was thinking. I kept becoming aware of how the trip was guiding me to think in certain ways, to have certain insights and feel certain things, and I kept nit picking it and being like "oh I can tell this is happening for a reason and this is leading me to something" and I was trying to get myself to stop picking at that and pointing it out, because it's annoying and I should just let it flow naturally. I also seemed to forget I was even tripping. I think it was partly because I trip so often that I don't really think about it, but also the trip seemed to be purposely creating that effect. I would start to think about negative things or do certain things mentally that I know I shouldn't do when tripping. I had to keep reminding myself to remember that I am tripping and to not just let myself go and do whatever I want. It didn't turn into anything that bad, it was just kind of annoying to deal with. There was also this effect happening where I was contemplating things and having insights, but I noticed that my thinking was very one-dimensional. I was only thinking about my perspective, my worldview, and I would start to notice that there is so much complexity and nuance to reality that I'm not thinking about, but as I started to think about it, it would become so exhausting and overwhelming that I had to just drop it. It was like trying to step outside of my perspective and notice the complexity of the universe would exhaust me so deeply that i would fall back into my own simple, one-dimensional ways of thinking, and yet i would keep noticing that there is SO much more complexity and so much more to think about, but I just couldn't go there. It was like because I was too exhausted to step outside of my own perspectives as I kept noticing that there was so much more complexity in the universe, it was like my my perspectives, beliefs, worldviews and all of that kept shrinking and becoming smaller, and that was creating a sort of ego dissolution. It's interesting because that's the third theme or method of ego dissolution that I've experienced on these 2C-B trips now. Another really cool thing that would happen is intense auditory hallucinations. There would be moments where all the sudden I'd hear a really loud alien or robotic type of voice, but only for a split second. Sometimes it was so loud that it was like a yell, and it was much louder than the music I was playing in my headphones at full volume. At the same time that these auditory hallucinations would happen, I would experience very deep and intense ego dissolution for that split second. It was like that quick loud robotic/alien yell was like a smack or a yank that would pull something out of me and knock my ego. In this trip and the two 2C-B trips before this (the 100mg and 120mg one), As I'd start to come down, about 4 hours in, my consciousness would raise a lot. I would feel hyper lucid, reality felt very clean, clear and pure. That was always accompanied by the same visuals. I do these trips in the middle of the night in my pitch black bedroom. So I could faintly see my surroundings, and everything would take on a dark purple glow. On top of that there would be tons of letters and numbers, in the wikipedia font. It felt very clean, pure and intelligent. Like some kind of high-quality university textbook. these letters were all outlined with an iridescent glow/shine. It was really beautiful on top of the purple background (pictures below of a similar purple glow, the font and iridescent glow). These same visuals have come up at the end of each of my last three 2C-B trips. I have really really started to love purple, magenta and those kinds of colors over the past couple years, and I seem to like them more and more as I progress spiritually. A few months ago I was tripping on mushrooms, and I was thinking about why I love those colors so much, and I was told that it's because these colors are associated with the feminine face of God, with my soul's essence. I have this tiger tapestry in my room I got a couple years ago that has pretty much every color associated with my essence: blue, purple, magenta, pink, especially with a dark background. I think it is so beautiful (the palm tree picture is another one I like a lot with the same colors). My trips are just filled with these colors. So many of the visuals involve them. Smoking DMT on 2C-B About 4.5 hours into the trip, I was coming down and I decided to smoke DMT. I've smoked it on MDMA a couple times, but never on a pure psychedelic like 2C-B, so I was excited to try it. At that point it was almost 7am so there was a bit of light in my room, and I was sat up on my bed inhaling the vape. In front of me are mirrored closet doors, so I could see myself and the room around me. When I took the first full hit, I had my eyes open, and the visuals around the room started to go crazy. I was staring at myself in the mirror, watching the visuals shift and become more clear as the the DMT took effect, and then all the sudden, myself and all my surroundings became completely cartoon-like. Not some mild, hazy overlay where it looks cartoon but you can still see how everything really looks underneath, but COMPLETELY cartoon like, like indistinguishable from a cartoon tv show. It fucking blew me away, I was like how the fuck is that possible? I was listening to this song throughout this, and it became ingrained in the trip so that whenever there would be a heavy base drop or shift in the music, the visuals would shift in that same split second, into different colors, different types of cartoon designs. It was incredible. I just can't believe that DMT can produce open-eye visuals THAT clearly A bit later I took another dose of DMT. This time I listened to this song, something a bit more soft and emotional. I sat up in my bed staring at myself in the mirror again, and similar cartoon visuals came up. They weren't as rich or clear as last time, but still beautiful. This time I moved my head and looked around the room more, and as I did that, the visuals would shift and almost dance with the music. I remember I was looking at my hand holding the DMT pen, and my hand looked like it was made of shiny plastic. All the visuals combined with the music were so beautiful. The trip started becoming more heartfelt and emotional, maybe because of the feel of the song. There was a point very God very clearly and directly communicated to me: "Thank you. Thank you for going through everything you have". I could feel in its energy that it knew how much I fucking hate being alive, how excruciating and tortuous this spiritual path has been, how little tolerance for pain I have, how all I want is to die, yet there is nothing I can do and I still keep getting dragged through this spiritual path. In God's energy I felt a deep understanding and recognition of all of that pain, and a deep and sincere "thank you" for going through everything I have. It really meant a lot to me. It also really makes me feel like things are coming to an end and it's all about to be over. The Feminine Face of God Throughout this 2C-B trip and my trip the day before, there were times where I was thinking a lot about Her, so I'm just going to combine everything I remember into one section. It kind of went along with what I was saying in my other message above about how satisfying and beautiful it is for God and Truth to prevail, for the ego to not be fed, and to feel Truth and Divinity permeating my being, taking me in and dissolving me. I started thinking about God, Truth, Love, Divinity, all these things and how amazing it is that there is a feminine essence to divinity. Like a soft, gentle, motherly love that comes from the Divine - God behaving and acting in gentle, motherly ways. I love divinity and spirituality so much, I love feminine softness and beauty so much, but to have that come from an aspect of God, rather than from a human, so that it becomes something so pure, clean, intelligent, moral, along with being so incredibly gentle and nurturing... it's just the most perfect thing I could ever imagine. It just satisfies me and completes me in ways I can't describe. And I know that it's because that's where my soul comes from. In my trips I would just feel into her essence and bask in it. Her softness and gentleness are what I've needed more than anything my entire life. She very much holds this energy of "I thought reality was nothing but an endless hell that I'd never get out of, but now all the sudden I'm in this bubble where I feel totally loved and cared for, and not a single problem exists". That is what She is. I also really enjoy feeling my masculine presence in front of Her. I love feeling her feminine love towards me, but not in some shallow human way of "it makes me feel good that this girl likes me", but in a way where it is like God and Divinity is loving me and desiring me in this fully feminine way, and I love feeling that divine feminine energy pulling me in because of how deeply it resonates with my own energy. Being a man and having a masculine essence makes the contrast of her feminine energy and desire so especially beautiful and soothing. There was a moment where I started picturing myself from a third person perspective, like a fly on the wall type of thing, and I started thinking about how I came from Her, how she fragmented off a part of Herself, was born into this world as a man, and that is what I am. That is what is looking through my eyes right now. When 'Tristan' dies as a self and merges back with Her, I will realize that I was Her all along. I am so in love with Her, and everything about Her feels so absolutely perfect, soothing and homelike to me, because I am Her and I was Her all along. It reminds me of the Rumi quote: "lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along". How incredible it is to have a love and romance in that way. To spend your entire life desiring the feminine, and then to awaken and realize that you were desiring yourself the whole time, to realize that you fragmented off a part of yourself so that you could eventually come home to yourself and fall endlessly in love with yourself. It made me really realize how loving it is for God to do this for itself. "You have no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You. Nothing seemed right. What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean. Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient. It's no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these. So l've brought you a mirror. Look at yourself and remember me." - Rumi

Maybe the reason I haven't yet seen Leo do miraculous healing or transform into an alien isn't because he's not conscious enough but because I'm not conscious enough, same reason I can't heal or transform

I can turn into an alien but can't read your thoughts. We're just experiencing the "the critics won't even look at the evidence" meme in a culture where this supposedly does not happen. Kuhn's observations still apply. Paradigms survive sociologically way past their scientific expiry date. "Science progresses one funeral at a time" — Max Planck.

Leo how do you know alien mind is the same as the mind of extraterrestrials? I watched his last reel on Instagram, and I was a bit confused about this.

All that shit that leo says is still from your direct experience which is the only thing there is. So it doesnt matter if the most fucking concious alien in existence claims awakening. That is still a dream and a projection from your pov which is the only one that exists. Ive realized im the only thing in existence. So you can project at me all day makes no difference. You guys hold what leo says which is 2nd order above your own experience which is 1st The idea that other people have conciousness is a foreign concept

That was said in the joke I made that day about "Nasagadsisi and Infinite consciousness and I changed it to alien consciousness. It was all just a joke. I never experienced any such thing. And if I did it would still be just an "experience" to let go of.

You don't believe in hot alien girlfriends? How typical.

The point of contention really, is not the existence of aliens itself, but rather that there is no non woowoo evidence for their existence. All UFO footage is easily disputable and dubious; and those are the only non woowoo types of evidence imo besides actually encountering an alien. And there's no way in hell they'd have anything human about them anyway; it's laughable that all the supposed accounts of their appearance describe them as a quasi humanoid figure, yeah right, suuure. That being said, we need to take into account Fermi paradox as well obviously, despite a real possibility of their existence, they very well may not exist just based on how brutally hostile Universe is. Hoping for their arrival is a nice hopium/copium for the wooks I'll admit, but not much else