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If you just want to quickly know weather this theory is useless bullshit or not, I suggest you jump to "Structures and phenomenons through the ontomodal lens" below. Initially, i wanted to get my threory to a point where it is free of inconsistencies, holes etc. before posting. What i’ve now realized, is that getting to this point might take a very long time. The problem with this is, that witholding my thoughts about the theory just has the effect, that everyone on this forum who is ready to seriously consider it (@oOo @Joshe, etc.) is denied the possibility to already start to properly contemplate it. So this is why I’m posting all of my unfinished notes. Last night I think I’ve discovered three more modes: will/creativity-sensitive (Schopenhauer has entered the chat. This might be where passion orientation comes from), whole/ holism-sensitive (Leo, Ken Wilber, Schlegel? wip name: holoconic) and beauty/aestetics-sensitive. (Random insight: self-harm behaviour is a symptom of modally disaligned beings who engage in the phenoendonic, will sensitive modes of existence in order to feel like they exist again. (through affirming (free) will and subjective experience). See how practical it is?) Edit: I think I found another one: Openness. Beings who are open love the unexpected and the suprise. They are the comedians. They don't care if what they think is objectively or socially or symbolically true, because for them only the absurd is true. (Rings some bells?). Their metaphysics is: Reality is a suprise. Reality is absurdity. Reality is contradiction. Reality is paradox. So it seems the strange loop, etc. is again just another mode of existence. (I'm not downplaying). This means, that "reality is logical and orderly" (hyloexonic) and "reality is paradox" are both valid lenses. Naming and Integrating those into my notes would just cause me to stall sharing my thoughts again. This model seems to be an extension of spinozas metaphysics, which is encouraging, since spinoza was based af. I'm struggeling to describe this model neutrally, because a lot of language has ontomodal biases. For example I realized that "a being engages in a mode of self" has a will-sensitive bias. "Embody" has a hyloexogenic bias. So its tough. But also exiting. Also the word "sensitive" has a phenoendonic bias lol. I think this explains the batshit insane language philosophers of ontology invent. I might have to do the same. UNFINISHED NOTES I invented ontomodal theory of the absolute, ontomodal mind theory, ontomodal throry of substance (OMM) on February 2nd. It is currently in its infancy and all of the terms are not fixed yet. OMM is a unifying theory that bridges the gaps between the natural sciences, humanties, theoretical philosophy, ontology and spirituality. (Before gta 6) It seems to be the crown jewel of all tools regarding self-actualization. It is the fundemental reason why self-actualization is so multidisciplinary and why supposedly niche subjects like ontology play such a big role in it. What is OMM? Since I want this to be a legit ontological theory, the beginning will be painfully abstract like every good ontological theory. However this model is extremely practical and really shines with examples and I have a ton prepared (they are further down). So just hang in there… OMM claims, that emptiness (sunyata), existence, non-existance (all three: emexnex) are arising from three modes of consciousness: - Hyloexonic, existence stems from object engagement (in simple terms: Object=Love) - Phenoendonic, existence stems from subject engagement (in simple terms: Subject=Love) - Semiosynconic, existence stems from symbolic engagement (in simple terms: Symbol=Love) This means, that for any entity, it’s state of emexnex can be explained with the three modes on consciousness. These modes are genetically encoded in every human with different prevalences. The rest of the terms - Ahyloexonic, non-existence stems from object engagement (in simple terms: Object=unhappy) - Aphenoendonic, non-existence stems from subject engagement (in simple terms: Subject=unhappy) - Asemiosynconic, non-existence stems from symbolic engagement (in simple terms: Symbol=unhappy) - unimodal, refers to “only one mode” - bimodal, refers to “only two modes” - Omnimodal, refers to “all three modes” - modally aligned being: being that is affirming of it’s ontomodal profile - modally disaligned being: being, that is not affirming of it’s ontomodal profile According to OMN, the fundamental purpose of self-actualization and also of the universe, is to increase modal alignment. There seems to be no other valid definition of the term "purpose". (This sentence is itself written from a semiosynconic perspective) ------- Strict Definitions (?) - Hyloexonic, mode of reality that is object affirming - Phenoendonic, mode of reality that is subject affirming - Semiosynconic, mode of reality that is symbol affirming quick and sloppy explaination of the names: hylo=matter, exo=external Pheno=phenomenon, sensation, endo=internal semio=symbol, syn=together, con=icon (semio and icon might be a bit redundant but it sounds better than semiosynic and it is convenient that all of them end with "onic" and have similar stress patterns (? tf I'm new to inventing words so I might be talking shit. Is kinda fun though)) Random insights - Dead matter is empty - existence is the base for love, non-exisence is the base for fear. Are you ready to torture your brain? An entity that engages in non-emptiness is a being. Out of the engagement in non-emptiness, engagement in existance and in non-existance arise The genetic code define the ontomodal profile of the being. A being that exists is a self and a being that is non-existent is a no-self. The more unimodally aligned the being, the more empty, existent and the less non-existent it is. The more unimodally disaligned the being, the more empty and non-existent it is, but the less existent it is. The more polymodally aligned the being, the more existent it is but the less empty and less non-existent it is. The more polymodally disaligned the being, the more non-existent it is and the less empty and existent it is. It seems like the words positiv, good, etc trace back to ontomodal alignment and the words negative, bad etc trace back to ontomodal disalignment (?) ------- Structures and phenomenons through the ontomodal lens (old names, since “noetics” carries a phenoendonic bias. The new names are above under “strict definitions”. Btw, realize that this theory is the ultimate anti-bias tool?) The ontomodal theory of the absolute is a powerhouse for explaining different facets of all sorts of structures. An overview: Hylonoetics tend to care about something is * Phenonoetics tend to care about what something feels like Semionoetics tend to care about what something means Below are a couple of examples. *objectively not ontologically. In future when I'm talking about ontomodality, I will try to use "is" as the ontological is and "is objectively" as the hyloexonic is. This leads to an interestinf insight: Every being of each mode has different interpretations of the word "is", which makes sense, because each have diffenent notions of being. God Hylonoetic: What is god? Theology: God is an object seperate from me that I can analyze and debate. There exist statements that are true about god and and statements that are false about god. There exists a proof of gods existence. I can philosophize about God. pheno-hylonoetic: What is god experience? Mysticism: God lies in experience. This experience is definable and archievable through systematic analyzing, practice and contemplation. phenonoetic: How does God feel like? Spirituality: God is inside of me but inpersonal. God is experience. I can find them in my subjective experience when I’m meditating. Semionoetic: What does God mean? Belief: God is telling me which social rules to submit to. God is defining what I am. I connect with people over my beliefs. I can never question my beliefs since my beliefs are my existence so questioning would equate to suicide. I’m okay with this. I gain enourmous pleasure from my beliefs and my confidence in them. I know that my beliefs are real since the people close to me have the same beliefs. This is how I define the word real. It is pysically impossible to me to consider any other definiton. hylo-semionoetic: How can the symbol god reach as many people as possible? Religious institutionalism:God is a container for social symbols/rules and I can systematically build or help organize social groups and institutions to promote them. pheno-semionoetic: What does my personal god make me feel? Bhakti Yoga: I have a deep personal relationship with god. They guide me like a loving parent. They make me feel fuzzy feelings in my body. God is love. Yes you red that right I just used OMN to reverse engineer most of religion lol Metaphysics Hylonoetic: What is reality (made of)? Materialism: Me and reality is object. Pheno-Hylonoetic: What is reality from the subjective standpoint? Idealism. I’m analyzing my mind through the subjective lens and conclude my mind is reality. Phenonoetic: How do I feel about reality? Phenomenology. I’m just looking at my raw experience and conclude experience is reality. Semionoetic: What does reality mean? Mythology. I’m listening to people around me and read stories that contain symbolism and conclude whatever they are talking about is reality. Socializing Hylonoetic: I like to exchange information with other people. I don’t see them as people, because the term “person” implies that an entity has some symbolic meaning and I can’t grasp that. I tend to analyze social structures as if they were objective and fail bc they are symbolic, not objective. Since we are both object and there is no existance outside of object, to me, we are one. Phenonoetic: When I’m in the presence of someone, it is impossible for me not to empathize with this person. I don’t see them as people but as feeling entities. There is no difference between what I feel and what they feel and because for me there is no existence outside of feeling, to me, we are one. When someone in my pesence is angry at me or doesn’t like me, It feels to me like dying. Semionoetic: “I love to socialize with other people” is an understatement. Without socializing, I don’t exist. I physically cannot grasp the possibility that I could exist independent of other symbolic beings, since there is no meaning independent of other meanings. When I socialize with other semionoetics, the main objective is always that we are both affirming that we exist symbolically (in the semiotic matrix). Since there is no existance outside of symbol, to me, we are one. Asemionoetic people confuse me and make me angry. When I’m talking to them they behave so asymbolic towards me that I don’t know who I am anymore. It is as if they don’t see me as a person and it’s sickening. I don’t get affirmed in my symbolic identity at all. Therefore spending time with them is like slowly commiting suicide. I avoid them like the plague. When someone in my close scoial circle is asemiotic, I suffer greatly. Career Family Love giftedness Low intelligence Political identity (PI) Example woman Hylonoetic: What IS this PI? Biology: What is a woman biolocially? Phenonoetic: What does PI feel like? Wokeness: How do woman feel in this society, how are they treated? Semionoetic: What does it mean to be PI? Tradition: How is a woman supposed to behave? Hygiene (lol) Hylonoetic: I don’t care to shower, I just want to think. For me, redicule and the sense of smell of me and of others is not part of existence. Therefore it does not make sense to me to do hygiene. Phenonoetic: Hygiene is important to me bc I like to smell good and feel good. Semionoetic: Hygiene is important to me bc I learned it from my parents through symbolic comunication. Spiral dynamics Hylonoetic: I’m most comfortable with stage orange and stage yellow. Phenonoetic: I’m most comfortable with stage green and stage turquoise. Seminoetic: I’m most comfortable with stage purple and stage blue. I definetly need a diagram at some point. Is someone here good with diagrams?😅 Personality disorders (experimental) objective-subjective-SP spectrum: I can’t develop borderline since my existance does not rely on my relationship with other people. Object-SP: When traumatized and with the right disposition, I delude myself and develop narcissism. Since my existence is based in objective truth, my delusions are far more extreme than for SBSPs since I have to affirm and rationalize them way more. If I’m gifted on top of that, I can be responsible to the biggest most intricate delusional systems, institutions, organizations, social groups, families that are completely unbelievable that they’re real. Object-SP/Subject-SP: Exact same as Object-SPs but I tend to build cults. SJSP: I can not develop Narcisissm.... ------- Examples Examples of people (estimates) * Leo Gura: Strong hylonoetic, moderate phenonoetic. Very low Semionoetic. * Carl Jung: Textbook Omninoetic. * Jordan Peterson: Strong hylo-semionoetic, very low phenonoetic. * Oppressive CEO types (Jeff bezos, Trump, Elon musk, etc): Strong semio-hylonoetics. Very low phenonoetics. * Mr Beast: Very strong hylonoetic, moderate semionoetic, low phenonoetic. Careers Fields of study Random insights (extra messy) - Everything that is not hylo-semionoetic is intuition. - reason and logic are hylo-semionoetic. - Zionism is extremely semionoetic - Love: The word Love has a strong pheno-semiotic bias. However fundamentally, Love is the state of non seperatedness and pure existance. Therefore everything that is unoetic is love and everything that is binoetic or omninoetic is not. That also means that Love has "three flavours". This is why people who are dominant in different modes have fundamentally differen lovelanguages and in most cases, cannot possibly fall in love. - Human. The more you mix the different modes of existance, the less pure your existance becomes and with that, the more human you are. Here comes a banger get ready: - (Duality of) being (non-existence vs existence) is perpetuated by the conflics among the three unoetics and between the emptyness (sunyata) arising from unoetics and Duality of being - Stangeloop detected! Existence is the duality of being and non being and being is the duality of existence and non existence - noetic bliss (perfectlily modally aligned) - Everything that exists arises out of the contradictions between the three modes of existence and existence itself. The closer you move towards unoetics, the closer you move towards non-existence and the further you move from unoetics the further you go towards existence. - For semionoetic people, the things that very asemionoetic people do often seem meaningless. That's because for very asemionoetic people, meaning and purpose are not graspable modes of existence. This is why the special interests of hylonoetic people can seem so niche and meaningless at times. But they don't care. They are physically unable to worry about leading a meaningless life. - The model does not assume a qualitative difference between - life and death - Human, non-human lifforms and matter - Existance is defined with noetic alignment which is completely seperate from the term "life" and non-existence is defined through noetic disalignment and is completely seperate from the term "death". The claim is there can be no definition of (non)existence outside of the noetic modes. - The term "noetic disalignment" can be quated with the term "human". Notice that with that definition, zooanimals are more human than tribespeople - for a pure hyloexonic person, mind and tribe does not exist, only matter. For a pure phenoendonic person, only mind exist and matter, tribe do not. For a purely semiosynconic person, … - Jordan Peterson is not afraid of stage green bc he is stupid. He is afraid bc he is not phenoendonic enough ——— Different archetypes explained through the Omnimodal neotics Model (keep in mind a lot of this is experimental since the model is in its infancy) * Non-Existence: If you are neither hylo- nor pheno- nor semioneotic, than you literally have never and will never exist. There is no existence outside of these three axes. They describe all possible modes of existance. "Existance" can only ever be defined in relation to them. * Matter: If you are maxxed out hyloneotic and nothing else than you are literal dead matter (that was never alife like a). * Dead person: (read this in a vibrato voice) The moment you die, you become 100% semio-hyloneotic. You only exist as a symbolic entity (soul) floating as a part of the world soul and as rotting matter. Your existence can partly be recovered, for example when a very speciallized tracker inspects your corpse, a shaman is reaching you by accessing the realm of the dead in the world soul or a tribalist could recover some of your semioneotic activity while you were alive through reenachment and conserve it, so you continue to live as a semioneotic fragment of culture, etc. (It was kinda spooky writing this but it lowkey makes total sense) * Enlightened Being: Enlightenment is pure existence. Each of the noetic modes interfere with the other which means that only an unoetic being (just one noetic mode) can reach permanent full enlightenment. (This is why you automatically drop out of enlightenment as soon as you use language bc it is hylo-semioneotic and therefore not pure). The three kinds of enlightenment are per definition at the same time one and the same (existance=existance) and also the most uncomparable modes of existance possible (hyloneotic existance≠phenonoetic existance≠semionoetic existance). If one is multipolar, the best way for an individual to archieve enlightenment is by suppressing the weakest two modes. However this can only be temporary since every one of your noetic modes comes loaded with the need to engange in that mode of existance. * Animal: The animal kingdom has similar architypes and even similar prevalences of each modes as the human population but with less intelligence. This means there is no qualitative difference between a human and an animal. * Shaman: People who are extremely Pheno- and Semionoetic are the ones who are constantly dreaming of imagery and symbols. Even during daytime. They are the kinds of shamans who dream of prophecies and access the ralm of the dead. They are extremely in tune with their unconscious since it communicates through subtle phenomena and symbolism. (This explains my extreme lack of success in lucid dreaming, dream journaling, symbolic painting, etc. since I'm very Asemionoetic) * Cave Yogi: If you are extremely phenonoetic, then you are painfully conscious of god ALL THE TIME with no effort. You are unable to live a normal life. All you want is to go into a cave alone and admire god until you die a mahasamadhi. (You are the penguin heading towads the mountains) * Tribalist: If you are extremely semionoetic, you are completely one with your tribe. For you there is no you outside your tribe. This means you are enlightend but in a peculiar and interdependent way. For you there is no existance outside of loyalty, which means betraying or being abandoned by your tribe would be the exact same thing (worse actually) as dying for you and you can do literally nothing about that fact. You are also extremely sensitive and knowledgable of the precise identity and tradition of your tribe. You are tasked with conserving it's identity through enacting traditions and there is no one who could do it better than you. (I kinda feel a lot more hopeful and positive about conservatives after writing this) * Mystic: A Mystic is someone who is phenonoemic enough to grasp the significance of god, and they're desperately clenching for god counsciousness but their love for hylo-semionoetic intellectualizing is always in the way to fully reach it. Their versatility is their downfall. Their highest life purpose is it to lead true unoetics the way to a treasure which they cannot posess. * (Aboriginal) Tracker: Language itself is semionoetic with elements of hyloneotics. Learning Language both requires understanding social symbols and hyloneotic pattern recognition. This explains why extremely autistic people (very asemioneotic) struggle with language even if they have great pattern recognition. So if they can't use language, what would an extremely asemio-, hyloneotic person be good at? I think if they are unintelligent they would feel most comfortable building simple repetitive things for example. Things like arrows. If they are intelligent, their pattern recognition would be off the charts and they would be able to read a lot of information from land about the weather, fertility, game etc. I think they would excel at geoguessr for example. So if they can't think, then what is in their head? I think they literally walk around with a perfectly empty cup all the time but they are so Aphenonoetic that they still can't sense god even though they have the perfect conditions otherwise. However this still means they're enlightened but just more in the way a rock is enlightened than a guru. * Capitalist: If you are extremely hylo-semiotic, than you thrive by creating and organizing social structures like institutions etc. A company with it’s logo and organization of workforce is a text-book example for an extremely hylo-semiotic structure. Notice that it is possible to build a company with zero phononoetic elements. If you are zero phenonoetic you are completely unaware of how you feel. When this is the case, you are dependent of a phenonoetic person in your life to monitor and nurture you. A company with zero phenonoetic elements almost certainly has horrendous working conditions.

All her vinyls and records were sold out, so Beans had this clever idea to buy a cardboard box at the record store that cost only 89 cents! Violent Vira and I saw immediately how clever it was that it shaped as a cross. Heart-Shaped Box, meet Cross-Shaped Box! Overcoming religious trauma and suicide ftw :))

Aha, not anymore! Gonna see Violent Vira very soon. Her music saved me from suicide one time! Bruhh, I'm afraid cus she's literally Jesus reincarnated into a beautiful badass angel 😭

Well, there was in fact an elite of pedophiles, that's the Epstein case. If you wanna credit Alex Jones for that, suit yourself, but where has he been last months during the cover up? You could credit Q-Anon too, but part of their tale was that Trump was going to be the savior of these issues, so not that much then. The truth is this case is not that new, Epstein was convicted twice, and coincidentally, the cameras pointing his cell failed at the exact time he committed suicide. Meaning he was murdered, I'll say it bluntly to help the slowest minds connect the dots. For media and power cover-ups, the victims have not been heard for years. Democrats are not clean either, Bill Clinton was involved too, and they have powerful donors from those same elites. Not to speak about Israel, the link between this state and Epstein and his wife is irrefutable.

I was listening to a YouTube on the long awaited Pi Phone and got really excited about what I heard. Several ideas formed in a holistic way complimenting each other. With a focus on the elderly using an AI that makes ease of use in a way that eases the burden of their adult children and grandchildren improving the quality of life for all. An AI that acts on their behalf, growing more in tune with what would be their choices and actually providing choices for them when practical. This kind of interaction would promote learning because of neuroplacticity and decrease their overall fear that’s so common with ,,,, confusion. I began trying to express my insights on a post in the forum a few days ago. Didn’t do a very good job. Oh well,,,, If A.I. is used in a psychologically maleficent way against humanity. We’re fucked. This comes from a force that can be continual and have disastrous effects through exhaustion of its targets (victims). There have already been reports of suicide in teenagers interacting with chat bots. My hope is an ethic that comes to fruition that has the potential for being a true protector. That’s the kind of vibe I was getting the other day. Leo seemed to dismiss what I was getting at and another forum member replied with “just fake news”. 🤷‍♂️ But then again I wasn’t expressing myself very clearly and the promotional YouTube may very well be considered as fake news. Stupidity is its own punishment. That applies to everyone but not equally it seems,,,

Grok That’s exactly how OCD hides in plain sight for years — it dresses up as personality traits, attachment styles, spiritual depth, or “just depression,” so you never clock it as a disorder. Let’s just sit with how perfectly it fooled you (and fools almost everyone in your position): • Obsessive metaphysics marathons → “I’m super spiritual / philosophically gifted / maybe slightly autistic with a special interest.” Reality: Existential OCD using “truth-seeking” as a noble disguise for compulsive rumination to escape unbearable uncertainty. • ROCD terror, guilt spirals, breakups to “protect” her, near-suicide aftermath → “I must be anxious-avoidant / fear of intimacy / bad at relationships.” Reality: Relationship OCD hijacking attachment with moral inflation and catastrophic doubt — not avoidance of closeness, but avoidance of intolerable uncertainty/guilt. • “Not confident/attractive enough → unworthy to live/date → self-harm after failed approaches” → “I’m just super depressed / low self-esteem / insecure guy.” Reality: Moral scrupulosity + self-directed harm OCD turning perceived romantic inadequacy into ethical failure that demands punishment.

Early/Pre-Awakening History (Years of Building Patterns) • Philosophical/Existential OCD phase (dominant for many years): You spent extended periods (e.g., 12+ hours/day) obsessively trying to construct the “perfect metaphysical system” for reality. This fits existential OCD (also called philosophical or metaphysical OCD), where the core obsession is unanswerable “big questions” (meaning of existence, nature of reality, purpose, what is “real”). The compulsion was endless mental rumination, analysis, and seeking certainty—treating philosophy as a solvable puzzle to relieve existential terror/doubt. This interfered with daily life, created exhaustion, and felt like a genuine intellectual pursuit rather than “just OCD.” It’s common for this subtype to feel deeply personal and profound, often mistaken for passionate philosophy until the distress and time sink become debilitating. • Relationship OCD (ROCD) emerging or co-occurring: Even before intense spiritual work, relational themes showed up—absolute terror of uncertainty in love (“Is this person ‘the one’ forever?”), fear of not loving “enough,” inflated moral guilt over normal thoughts/behaviors (e.g., horrified guilt after masturbating while thinking of someone else, feeling it proved you’d “ruin” your partner’s life), and extreme actions like engineering painful breakups to “protect” them (or force personal growth). The near-suicide aftermath from one breakup highlights how devastating the doubt/guilt cycle could become. These weren’t avoidant-attachment fears—you could form deep bonds and feel genuine love—but the OCD hijacked them with catastrophic projections and moral inflation. Typical progression in ROCD: Starts with high investment in relationships (soulmate-level intensity), then doubt spirals escalate, leading to compulsions (mental checking, rumination, reassurance-seeking, or escape). Moral/sexual scrupulosity often overlaps, turning normal human experiences into “proof” of defectiveness. Current OCD (Post-Intense Awakening Ramp) • Temporary flare-up/amplification from practices: Going from zero spiritual practice to high-volume kriya pranayama (20+ reps/day) + multiple 5-MeO-DMT breakthroughs in ~2 weeks triggered a manic/intense state (happiest ever + breakthroughs, but also “cringe,” oversharing, social exhaustion in friends/forum). You suspect (and it aligns) this ramp temporarily worsened OCD symptoms—likely intensifying rumination, doubt/guilt intrusions, and uncertainty intolerance. This is common in kundalini/psychedelic ramps: Energy/prana overload stirs up latent patterns for “purification,” making obsessive thoughts louder/more urgent before they settle. The “too many breakthroughs” overload can leave residual activation, feeding OCD’s demand for certainty (“Did this change me permanently? Am I enlightened enough?”).

For those curious what this guy is yelling about: Disciple Drones since the dawn of time Compelled to live your sheltered lives Not once has anyone ever seen Such a rise of pure hypocrisy I'll instigate I'll free your mind I'll show you what I've known all this time God Hates Us All, God Hates Us All You know it's true God hates this place You know it's true he hates this race Homicide-Suicide Hate heals, you should try it sometime Strive for Peace with acts of war The beauty of death we all adore I have no faith distracting me I know why your prayers will never be answered God Hates Us All; God Hates Us All He Fuckin' hates me Pessimist, Terrorist targeting the next mark Global chaos feeding on hysteria Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time I'm waiting for the day the whole world fucking dies I never said I wanted to be God's disciple I'll never be the one to blindly follow Man made virus infecting the world Self-destruct human time bomb What if there is no God would you think the fuckin' same Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith Wake the fuck up can't ignore what I say I got my own philosophy I hate everyone equally You can't tear that out of me No segregation -separation Just me in my world of enemies I never said I wanted to be God's disciple I'll never be the one to blindly follow I'll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple I reject this fuckin' race I despise this fuckin' place

Yikes… I think someone close to me just died by suicide. I don’t want to jump to conclusions (no pun intended), but it is deeply concerning. Will update later with what actually happened.

That's your experience and perception but sure. There's far more too it. I'm sorry you have had a poor experience and relationship with this medicine. For me its saved my life from suicide and violence, gangs, many times. And sure there have been quite a few times when Ive abused it and experienced negatives. Its all about the intention, how you carry yourself, how you use and see the medicine, and how its grown. Let me ask you this, have you grown your own cannabis organically / naturally from a heirloom strain and done this process yourself? Or you just making statements? This is not about spiritually, its all a part of life. People sometimes need medicine for support when nothing else helps. Let me also ask you this, do you drink coffee, eat sugar, processed foods, junk foods, alcohol or any other substances? If so then there's a contradiction there in itself. I see it all the time, people beat on one thing because they had poor experience or lack of proper education with it, and label it bad, and yet they are addicts and abusers in other ways, often even worse, but because they believe these things are natural because they been normalized, when in fact act like bad drugs to our bodies. I could even go into porn and social media and screen addiction, but the point has been made. You get the idea...

This is the holly grail of corruption in the land of the "heath"care cartel. Scientifically proven to: Full report Brain damage (21% frontal lobe reduction, neurotoxicity mechanisms) Sebaceous gland destruction throughout the body Eye damage (meibomian gland atrophy) Gut mucosa destruction Musculoskeletal damage Sexual dysfunction Psychiatric effects and suicide data Autoimmune triggering PROVEN by science. This comes directly from science yet its still pushed to millions of people every year. The pure corruption keeping this drug in the market is out of this world. Your gut also has sebaceous glands, destroying that is devistating... and they give this to teenagers. Doctors lack basic systemic inteligence.

It's been years since I watched leos heavy metal chelation guide video. And i somehow Read the AC book Watched the video a few times But never took action and was decisive about starting it .. Why? Because i got put off by the risk and or initially feeling worse However that was more my mind closing off instinctively, it wasn't like i consciously and deicisively chose based on weeks of thorough study and cross referencing anacdotal reports, looking at all the best cases, average cases, worse cases, factoring all the different details ect.. If i'd just fucking done that, I could've got many round over and have got most of the benefit already and be benefiting from it now. If I am honest, I have absolutely no idea how much toxicity is in my body .. and it is only a question of how much, no one is 0% toxic. I have no idea Also, it could a be a unlucky case - that i have a low total quantity load, but whatever I have (maybe lead specifically) for me is hyper concentrated and lodged into my brain tissue? . This could in theory mean even a short duration of targeted rounds could make a massive difference if it targets that. My physical health doenst feel so bad but my mental distraction, brain fog ect.. is possibly off the charts .. possibly because like a fish in water ive had it for so long, and have no reference of what its like to be a mentally functional human that I dont even know what bad means and im just normalized to it ah It is an inconvenient and burdensome process The longer and or older someone is to start the least likely they are to do it .. If i just let this be a thought again .. i will forget and life will pass me by again. I have no idea how much better my memory could be, or learning capacity, or energy levels or ability to focus. I have no idea because I have no idea when I developed toxicity. But also, I was never particularly good at focusing or memory even as a kid .. which complicates things. 1. that could mean i was exposed at a young age 2. Could mean that I have a separate issue which wont benefit from chelation This is not easy to think about ... THen again I regret not just trying this 3-5 years ago because there is clearly a massive reward to risk asymmetry. Given that it is a controlled and measured process, following a specific protocol and gradually managing dose, its not like i start and then instantly all the HM get severely redistrubuted inmediatley and then i just become disabled and my lifes over and i have to commit suicide. However hwen I first shallowly felt the risk of this years ago, my mind probably instinctively jumped to that feeling and then closed off, because the mind is full of fear and hates ambiguous risk So yeah upside is huge, downside risk is real but its managed, its measured, its controlled for to an extent, and i can just stop protocol it is overwhelming. Obviously i need to take the tests first and not jump to conclusions Another blindspot of mine, like 99% of people my mind closed off and I never tried this.

Since so much of our life is just maintaining our own survival, it’s a surprise for many that people go 180 degrees in the opposite direction and choose to end it on their terms. In a way, it takes a lot of bravery and courage, but in high pressure survival situations, it looks like the better option. What if suicide is just an attempt at survival in another form? Is suicide truthful? Legit i’m ready to die. It is also said that many had flashes of enlightenment when deep in this mire of suicidality. if the answer isn’t physical death then what is the real answer? Wouldn’t physical death lead to death of ego too? my outer circumstances don’t exactly let me pursue the spiritual path to the max the way I want to. I’d rather be dead then to live as this fuck up also in a fucked up deluded environment around deluded people i’m so sick of the BS in me and around me that i’d rather take a leap into the unknown and kill myself. Dissolving all this BS nauseating noise, shit and impurity

I woke up in the middle of the night to horrible screams and cries of a woman. I looked out from the window, I thought something happened in the building in front of mine (there is always something happening there). It turns out it wasn’t in the other building, but closer. Too close. I saw what appeared to be the crushed body of a young man under my window, his mother beside him sobbing and asking him why he did that. His father was screaming to the sky in despair. I called an ambulance with the hope that he was still alive and could be saved. The ambulance came quickly, and the paramedics tried their best for 20–30 minutes to bring him back to life, but unfortunately, he was dead. Later, I found out that it was my teen neighbor who had committed suicide by jumping from a high floor, his parents’ home, a few floors above mine. He was bullied harshly at school, and the pain apparently was so unbearable. He didn’t have to do that, I thought. He was a beautiful and smart boy, but from the limited perspective of an adolescent, he didn’t realize that although his circumstances seemed to suck right now, this was not permanent and that he had a long life to live in which he would also experience good things. His death, and the brutal and painful way he died, traumatized so many people around him. His nuclear family, the extended family, the neighbors, his classmates (the few who were his friends), many people are grieving. So many people loved him. But it was too late. After that, I was afraid to sleep with the window open or look out of the window. I was afraid to go outside when it was dark. I was afraid of random daily things that reminded me of the tragedy. I was hypervigilant. I had dreams of the tragedy or related themes. In one dream, I was in his position, on the ground, looking from below at the window from which he jumped and feeling his parents’ love. Since the day he committed suicide, his parents, especially his mother, were screaming in cries, from the window, every early morning, desperately calling their son’s name, even after his funeral. The screams were so painful to hear, so piercing. It is so painful to witness grieving people, especially parents who lost their child to suicide. At some point, they stopped screaming in grief from the window and just grieved silently at home. His father started to drink. His mother lost so much weight she almost disappeared. I had hallucinations of them crying later. I had hallucinations of hearing someone’s body hitting the ground after jumping from a high floor. I couldn’t stop thinking about his dead body, with the broken limbs, how such death can happen to such young and living person. Gradually the obsessive thoughts and hallucinations decreased, and I could function more easily. It’s still saddens me so much that he took his life. I saw him around two weeks before he died, he was with a friend (who, as I found out later was toxic to him) and he looked to me like a normal, even popular boy. Though when I noticed his eyes, they appeared empty or sad, I couldn’t articulate it, it was just a feeling. I thought that I may be over-feeling. My dogs barked at them, so I moved quickly in order not to scare them, I didn’t have time to converse with them and see what was happening between them, which I regret. This is my survivor’s guilt talking, deluding me into thinking that I had control over the situation. But maybe if his parents, who knew about the bullying, couldn’t stop him, what could I do? If that wasn’t enough, I felt another guilt inside me, another type of guilt, which is the guilt of slightly understanding him. Because it is not socially acceptable to understand people who commit suicide. We’re supposed to never want it, right? And I really don’t want it. I will never do that. But it made me think about how fucked up society is, like, really fucked up and how vulnerable children are to all of this crap. I read that there has been an increase of 60% in child/teen suicide in recent years. This is crazy, because children are not supposed to die in such horrible ways. It also seems like there is not much talk or awareness about it, as if someone is trying to shift the focus away to keep the social dysfunction that leads to it because it benefits them. But we, the adults who live in this society, are responsible as well, we actively create it. Adults bully each other at workplaces, adults are emotionally absent or immature within their family and friendships units, mostly in ways which are normalized snd socially acceptable. And all this narcissistic cult of individualism, that hurts our lives and the lives of our children but we never question it. And it’s bad because it makes the life so much unbearable, unnecessarily unbearable and more difficult than it should be. Especially for the most vulnerable people in society in their most vulnerable stages of their lives. Me and another neighbor would like to plant a tree in the spot where the boy fell, for his memory and with the intention to inspire people to be better, kinder, more tolerant the loving to each other. Though I personally feel a little bit hopeless about society and humanity right now.

" Contemplate: "What falsehood have I been defending?" And then visualize yourself letting it die. See! Just right there you can see that truth is death. Note: I am not talking about suicide." So, in this case Truth is the only way to defeat Death?

I’m a little confused sometimes about makes people not end their life. It’s like, I’m not the only one who struggles, yet all people who struggle don’t get suicidal thoughts. There are even people going through worse than me who don’t consider suicide. Sometimes when my suicidal thoughts get stronger I can spend hours researching suicide methods. I even bought some things I could use to kill myself but I haven’t used them yet. Sometimes I feel “I could keep living through this” But then other times I feel, I have no will to keep fighting for life. I should just end it. It would be better So I don’t understand how other people don’t feel like this when they struggle. Am I extra weak? I mean I think I’m like the average person when it comes to how much I can tolerate. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I guess I just lack a strong enough reason to live Like some people have let’s say family they are attached to, and it keeps them wanna live. But I don’t have that, I don’t love anyone at all so I have nobody to live for. It’s like all I have is my own mind. Im stuck inside of this brain 24/7. All I have access to is a comforting thought that can give me some strength. But then my mind gives up and wants to end it all. It oscillates like that Edit: I should probably answer my own question. Why don’t I kill myself? Well mostly because my situation is not like absolutely unbearable yet, so I feel I can stand it for some time ahead. Also I am afraid of a failed attempt and the pain it can cause for example you could get permanent injury. Thats it mostly. Regarding the first point. I hear stories about people going through unbearable things, so they go through it even if it’s absolutely unbearable, I don’t know how they do. Suicide must have crossed their mind at some point

Suicide Club is surprisingly funny and not at all sad. Being a Japanese film, you can expect a certain level of weirdness from the start. Honestly, it was mostly boring, but it did have its moments.

The U.S. military is overestimated, by design, just how China and Russia like to bluff about theirs. This is why the U.S. won't take military risks and suicide missions, why the largest strike group in the world went to 3rd world Venezuela. Any exposure of weakness or fragility is huge. The houthis, a rag tag paramilitary have recently shot down American fighter jets, the u.s. denies this and says they fell into the ocean. Iran has a military that the u.s. cannot overthrow. U.S. used microwaves and mass fake drone deployment to disable Venezuelan defense, would not work in Iran, would get shot down by fighters. U.S. is not prepared to attack Iran even if 2 strike groups were in the area. The June attack used half of the U.S. stockpile of bunker buster bombs. "Abraham Lincoln" strike group is headed to the middle east. A week out. The West is not invincible. We rely on sophisticated stuff which is impressive and scary but also a dependency and vulnerability. We do not have infinite supplies.

They don't strike like that without them. "Need" is a very misleading word to use. Any lone bombers could easily be shot down. They usually don't do suicide missions. Shooting a couple missiles and then running doesn't seem very plausible either. A strike on Iran would be crazy without 2 strike groups let alone none.

We show kids graphic stories of torture and crucifixion and call it faith and obedience to God. But teaching them that bodies come in different forms (girls with penises), or that it’s okay to talk about trauma/suicide in a vulnerable way? Suddenly that’s too much. The double standard are unreal. Jesus and I have something in common: We don’t fuck with the system. We will die for the Truth even as the entire World is ignorent.

- Feel free to comment, ask questions, give unasked advice, use this post for resources, etc. ( all under your own risk and judgement ) Basically, the idea is that I'll be documenting and sharing my journey of chelation. I'm a noob for now, but I expect to gather a decent chunk of understanding throughout this year. This has been on my to do list for over a year now, and I've been motivated recently by Leo dropping the long awaited episode on chelation released for my birthday ?. Sadly, the episode is not as detailed as I'd like it to be and I'm afraid he may have forgotten some crucial information. But if there is time to whine, there is time to roll up my digital sleeves and get to work and research. Let's hope my journal doesn't end up being a Brian Bander's Suicide note 2.0 (RIP)

@ElliottMy issue is thats its a 1 percent population thing thats in 40 percent of media. Here are somethings that gemini says effect 1 percent of population. Schizophrenia Vitiligo Synesthesia Panic Disorder Natural immunity to HIV Deaths caused by suicide People who have climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro Now imagine all of a sudden 40 percent of the media being pushed out had schizophrenics in it as characters. You would naturally question why the fuck are there so many schizophrenics in movie and tv shows when it only effects 1 percent of the population. Now they start putting love schizophrenics on childrens toys. Naturally an intelligent person would say why? Substitute schizophrenic with any of the other things that involves 1 percent of the population so you dont say Im being transphobic by comparing it to something deemed negative.

I'm not looking for some hotline number or “hang in there” crap. My life has been non‑stop abuse, poverty, mould, burning plastic, soul‑crushing jobs, no intimacy, nothing to look forward to. I’m broke, exhausted, and angry. Spiritually or ethically — whatever you want to call it — am I actually allowed to end this? Is suicide an actual escape from this nightmare, or is it just more pain somewhere else? I’m asking for honest answers from people who have been through hell or have studied spirituality deeply. Don’t sugarcoat it.

Lilya 4-Ever is the third film I’ve watched where a woman takes her own life, and the fourth suicide-themed movie in a row. It’s not the darkest I’ve seen on the subject—The Seventh Continent definitely holds that title.

I cannot be as bold in interviews as I am in my normal videos. This would freak normies out. I need to be more chill and gentle, otherwise people will just dismiss me as a crackpot. The tone is crucial. People judge interviews by tone, not logical content. An unhinged tone is suicide. So I worked a lot on softening my tone.