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I found two great songs by a little-known musician named Stuart Davis. One of them is featured in the Audiobook Kosmic Consciousness with Ken Wilber, which I will put a review of later. Ladder The first song is called "Ladder." It's a lovely song about our personal and species-wide evolution and the natural clash with psychological entropy. That is, as we grow more complex as individuals and as a species, we also have more stuff that can topple us. I've got brains like antique floors I built each one on the one before I use all three but they don't agree One of them wants to love you Another one would love to club you I guess my old natures move like glaciers Chorus: The fish became a lizard The shrew became an ape Will the ape become an angel? The higher that we climb The more the ladder sways I'm the bastard child the one who got the head of Einstein and the soul of Pol Pot there's no compassion but I can split the atom Better give me a microscope for a different eye Better give me a telescope for the inward sky and a ladder leading up from Eden Chorus If Ramana Maharshi came from clay there's more to evolution than a little DNA Cut off the moorings to the inward ark Aiming it into a question mark The fish became a lizard The shrew became an ape will the ape become a Mother Teresa? She came from clay There's more to evolution than a little DNA Personal Commentary: Ladder bases itself off of the integral idea of Holarchy. Holarchies are made out of Holons. A holon refers to the something being both a whole and a part with no actual distinction between itself and other whole/parts other than arbitrary measures. Each holon is a system (or phenomenon) that is an evolving self-organizing dissipative structure, composed of other holons, whose structures exist at a balance point between chaos and order. Higher level holons are always at a more precarious position than lower level holons. This goes for physical objects, ecological systems, psychological stages, social organizations, and even spiritual development. With reference to holarchical human development, Alan Watts serves to help us see the issue: "how is man to be best related to his environment? Especially in circumstances where we are in possession of an extremely powerful technology and have, therefore, the capacity to change our environment far more than anyone else has ever been able to do so. Are we going to end up not by civilizing the world, but by Los-Angelizing it? In other words, are we going to foul our own nest as a result of technology? But all this gets down to—the basic question is, really, what are you going to do if you’re god? If, in other words, you find yourself in charge of the world, through technological powers, and instead of leaving evolution to what we used to call, in the 19th century, the blind processes of nature—that was begging the question, to call them blind—but at any rate, we say, we’re not going to leave evolution to the blind forces of nature but now we’re going to direct it ourselves. Because we are increasingly developing, say, control over genetic systems, control over the nervous system, control over all kinds of systems; uh then, simply, what do you want to do with it?" This song responds to Watts inquiry by pointing out that Perhaps there is a universal Telos. That there is a point to all of this and the despite the hemming and hawing and guffawing that we know as human violence and suffering, it works out in the end such that we become the gods that oversee us. We made a universe that is perfect for ourselves, despite seeming otherwise. Creating Heaven is Heaven. Watts echoes this sentiment at the end of his own lecture. What is your idea of heaven? What would you really like to have happen, if you could make it happen? That’s the first thing that really starts people thinking because you soon realize that a lot of the things you think you would want are not things you want at all. Supposing, just for the sake of illustration, that you had the power to dream every night any dream you wanted to dream. And you could, of course, arrange for one night of dreams to be seventy-five years of objective time, or any number of years of subjective time, what would you do? Well, of course, you’d start out by fulfilling every wish. You would have routs and orgies and uh uh all the most magnificent food and uh sexual partners and everything you could possibly imagine in that direction. When you got tired of that, after several nights, you’d switch a bit, and find yourself involved in adventures, and uh contemplating great works of art, fantastic mathematical conceptions; you would soon be rescuing princesses from dragons, and all sorts of things like that. And then one night you’d say, now look, Tonight what we’re gonna do is, we’re going to forget this dream is a dream. And we’re going to be really uh shocked, and when you woke up from that one you’d say, ‘Oooh, wasn’t that an adventure!’ ----- Nothing In Between The second song is called Nothing in Between. It is a wonderful tome about Nothingness, aka God. There is nothing in between us when we sleep Every night the bliss begins to leak Nothing in between us when we laugh it’s something that our head will never grasp It’s seen in between There’s nothing in between your joy and mine It’s all a lot of nectar on the vine Joy is how my parents were entwined and there’s nothing in between their lives and mine We’ve seen There’s nowhere to hide in the open Reality Love is so wide, there isn’t a boundary There is only one eye without any enemy when you’ve seen in between There’s nothing in between our skin and light Nothing in between the wind and kite Nothing in between our lips and grace Nothing in between the tongue and taste It’s seen (Refrain) There is nothing in between you and I Nothing in between blue and sky Nothing in between us and love Nothing in between wings and doves (Refrain) There is nothing in between Personal Commentary: This song struck me as a great way of pointing to non-distinction. This morning as I meditated using Headspace, I was instructed to feel that the center of creativity deep in my heart. I was then asked to extend my awareness of that center past my chest and to my whole skin. From there I was asked to expand this awareness to the walls around me. From there I extended it to my whole apartment complex... The City of LA... Earth... The Solar System... The Galaxy... The Virgo Cluster... The Laniakea SuperCluster... The whole Observable Universe that seems to form a universal Brain/mind complex... Then I pushed further - I asked what would be beyond that -- where is that universal brain? And I kept pushing outwards to see the next order of fractalization... and what came up was me! That is, I saw that cosmic brain complex residing in my own head or another version of me or maybe an alien or maybe some computer who itself resides in some version of the city of LA which is itself on some version of earth... And so on for all of eternity outwards. And so on for all of eternity inwards as well! Which is to say, I can't describe it as One because it has no end or beginning to its outwardness and inwardness. And to call something one, it must reach an outward and inward end. I could call it zero because it has no ground, but it's clearly here and now. " _____?!?!NOTHING?!?!______ " is all I that can be said about it. There's me = you = everything, which breaks down into ____!?nothing?!?!____ upon further investigation. There's ___!?!nothing?!?____ between physical material and conscious object. There's ___!?!nothing?!?_____ between past and future. It all happens Now - the only place that remains Absolutely unchanged EXCEPT that its also Absolutely Relative as proven by Einstein. There's ___!?!nothing!?___ between me and you. There's just ____!?!nothing??!___ between anything. There is no distinction. There no such thing as a thing-without-some-other-thing which means that there is No thing-other-than-the-whole-thing which means I cannot point to any-one-thing as-itself in-and-of-itself other than ___!?!nothing?!?____ . This is the Holarchical perspective. ---- Putting the ideas of both songs together we can intuit a holarchical ladder with nothing in between. We see an universe of other universes with no part distinct from other parts as it builds itself and destroys itself at the same time - Now - in a fashion that is relative to the timeline of each observer. This universe would: know all from a wide perspective and it would know all from a limited perspective - the one "we" see out of in our everyday understanding. Indeed, in knowing all it would know what it is like to not-know it all. It is from each one of these limited perspectives that the wide perspective gets generated. The manifestation of such wide perspective gives universal purpose. It would be a wild adventure.

Hi there fellow actualizers. I am writing this message because I am two selves going in opposite directions. And it seems that this is what the self-actualization path is all about. Today the void has been calling me strongly. It wants me to go yet it wants me to fill it. (also known as resistance) WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT VOID???? HUH? There comes a time in a man's life when nothing fills it anymore. All the drugs and pussy and love and justice and entertainment and alcohol and happiness and whatever else you can come up with will not fill it. It just gets bigger and bigger the more you try. You have this insane rush gathering and gathering. The urge to go for a quick hit of dopamine, serotonin and all those chemical cocktails we have become addicted to from birth because we have been conned into a game of survival when the truth is that life is just another phase of death and vice versa. Is this what it feels like to be a woman? You drink and smoke and eat and fuck and pump it up and burn it and freeze it and dive in with the sharks and lions and volcanoes and at some moments you get an immense relief. Shelter from the storm, as Bob Dylan called it. You are broken and freezing and dirty and full of hate and lies and you've raped and murdered and bombed children and whipped yourself with a razor belt and you've hijacked planes and driven them into skyscrapers. The void. You want to allow it and let it go and forgive and surrender to all this madness and all the voices and you are lost and hopeless and you smile and start to laugh hysterically. Just let go. Release. All of it. The pain. The joy. The "trying to figure out" why they did it and why she has to die and comforting others with some bullshit buddhist advice that you don't even believe in yourself. You never wanna miss an opportunity of stepping up as the wise one. No sir! Those answers are never found. Just brutal suffering. You used to think that this is what makes everything beautiful. The kinder you are born, the more intense the suffering. It takes a lifetime of failure and seeing the illusions life has to offer to learn to suffer with kindness, that is the ultimate gift. You walk around this palace of lies. Orgies everywhere. Your friends and family just want to relax from work. Buy some new clothes and dream of a better life but their smiles have faded and this makes you sad because you are just starting to get this shit and really coming alive. So what the fuck does that imply? That as you ascend to the Gods, all the people you love will drown in hell, waiting for you to rescue them but no longer convinced that anything is possible?? What the fuck kind of cruel twisted lullaby is that? You walk around the cities and parks of the world. Stare at birds and flowers and old ladies with their monk-like dumbness and you want to just tell them to keep on living in their bubble because.... i forget what i wanted to say. Am i an alien? Is that it? Can we really be the same species with all these hum-ants? I never wanted this fucking awareness shit. I wanna be a happy slave. Willingly bend over and take it up the ass like a good little school girl. So yeah. Hi. Life is getting better, it is. Figuring out what my values are. But I'm an addict and you know what they say, never trust an addict. It's like I really wanna be depressed but my newfound wisdom just says "thoughts and feelings" that's all there is. Depression is another dumb idea for losers who want to just stay where they are in life. It's a clever disguise. Being depressed implies that your are somebody that is something. We all know that there's no substance to anything at all. Just a dynamic movement of random reactions and things hunting other things to stay alive. Lights and sounds, all around. You try to meditate outside but all of the machines and insects start to sound like symphonies. What a fucking distraction. It's hard to find some proper silence these days. The more closer you get, it's like some prick is turning up the volume of the "hum" or "om". You're way past going to see someone for this. You will traumatize those bastards. You can go in anytime. Into It !! Different paths and approaches: kindness, calm, humor, yoga of the moment... you can dance like a madman and feel the void in its entirety. Right here right now anytime any place. I don't give a fuck if its the presidents funeral. When the void calls, you better be ready boy. That's the real challenge and I KNOW it's waiting for me. I'm procrastinating. Money, sex, travel, happiness, business, art, writing, reading... I was gonna add Leo's course to that list but actually that's one of the few things that seem to really be taking me towards the void. And it's scary. It's hard work. All these value assessments and shit. God damn it. I just thought i wanted money and pussy. Not "love" and "truth" and "beauty". But i knew what this was about when signed up for this shit. I enlisted in the greatest army there is. They love young handsome soldiers like me. Leo recruits them young. What the hell man. Can i throw up the red pill and pretend we never met? (puts finger down throat) Hahahahahahaaaaaa (vomit of laughter) "Best joke i've heard all year." That's like asking to be unborn. To press rewind and go back to .... The void. It's inescapable. Waiting for you to shut all this bullshit off. The darkness. The silence. The light. It's waiting for you. Legs spread wide open. Rock hard. The king of all pleasure and pain and sorrow. There's a bloody hell of a revolution to crawl through to even get out of the prison. You fight the war and kill all your enemies and then find your people dead and see the enemy boss in the mirror. Takes another sip of some shitty disgusting beer. Ugh. Even jerked off twice today. I want more. MORE MORE MORE MORE. And the headache. Aaa. God let me just fucking be. I dont want to face anything. I want to keep on running away from reality and intoxicating myself and staying here with all these good hearted people who keep me down. You must continue. Stay strong brother. You have come this far. JUST. KEEP. GOING. I wish i still knew how to cry hard.

Machine Elves are a Terence McKenna thing. As much as I love the guy (see my signature), I never read much into his ramblings (for lack of a better word) about machine elves. Here is a YouTube video of McKenna explaining his "Self-Transforming Machine Elves" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH4UdX2D5sY I have read The Teachings of Don Juan and just grabbed his second book A Separate Reality over the weekend! Found it at my local flea market from a lady named "Willow" who sells all kinds of cool metaphysical stuff lol. Thanks Willow! I also wanted to comment that during my first DMT experience, I found myself sitting at the feet of a giant African warrior (as best as I can describe) tall and skinny wearing an ovalish (almost alien head-shaped) mask with iridescent tribal designs covering it. The giant placed his hands on his knees and squatted down and leaned in as if to get a better look at me. As he brought his masked face closer to mine, I saw other little tribal warriors hiding behind the designs in the mask, popping their heads up to show themselves and for them to get a better look at me. I felt like they were his children. Must've been "take your child to work day" in dimension-transcending African warrior spirit guide land! What a concept! I must say that these visions might have been influenced by the music I was listening to during this experience, which was Shpongle, who have a world music mixed with psytrance sound. Every song is a masterpiece, but I digress. I love the concept of your chamber of solitude! it's great to have a dedicated space for tripping and/or meditation (which are synonymous to me nowadays) I took 52.8 FRESH grams (equivalent to 5.28 dried grams) on Saturday and let go so much that I couldn't control my bladder. It was so "bothersome" (more like demanding of my attention) That I wished I knew how to put a catheter in myself lol. I laid in my bed for the majority of my experience with a bucket next to my bed and got naked and would just sit up and let my body rid itself of the toxins through my urine ( my urine was cloudy and yellow) I would sit up every ten-fifteen min a pee just a little bit, over and over and over again. After this experience I decided to give serious attention to learning how to make tincture, as I believe the mushroom tissue was giving me these negative side effects, and not the psilocybin/psilocin itself. Anyway, without turning this into a trip report, I just wanted to put my speculative two cents in that I've seen entities on mushrooms and DMT and that alone is enough for me to be open to the idea that they are "real" (define that word as you will) I love you guys

I dropped college today, because I don't think it is right for me in this point in time. I am starting to feel like an alien from everybody. I really don't care about anything anymore. Everything feels meaningless and empty. I wish I could just fall asleep or wake up.

@Principium Nexus be careful to share this video with us. I researched a little bit about this Nazca alien. it seems to be fake. Lately some hobby scientists make dokus about alien stuff in peru . There was found an alien hand some month before from this pseudo science group (this was fake, it were just human bones ordered new so that it looks like an alien hand). This is not real science, they just want to make some money with this fake alien (for updates in this project you need to pay...).

we might all be wearing the same ''clothing'' that is being a human being, which subjects us all to certain possibilities and limits but we're all much much further from each other then we think. the illusion of ''race'' disappears and the exploration of consciousness is unique to each and everyone. my life now is practically alien if I were to compare it to when I was a 'human surviving in a world' and yet I still harmoniously fit into the play that is human society. so as far as I'm concerned, I don't have a single clue,not an ounce of understanding of how other people live and experiences their lives. this post is a nice observation. we're really not that alike,yet we are, but we're really all unique in our exploration. It's easier to nice on obvious outliers like people who enlighten ''instantly'' but soon you will see it everywhere. somehow we can relate to each other but at the same we do not have a damn clue what's happening beyond our personal life. that is pavement for the awe of life to come in, the awe is the intense realization that you really really don't know what's going on, you're just in awe from the miracle of it all, it's just so beyond and immense. What's more, what does ''instantly'' mean? we know that Eckhart Tolle suffered immensely before he enlightened. Do we know how long he suffered? the entire night before it? that doesn't really mean anything. from experience I know that when it comes to enlightenment time is completely warped and bended sideways like magic. and for someone to enlighten overnight, that is very intense, enlightenment is insanely intense just doing it gradually overnight?? for all you know he might've suffered an entire month or an entire year psychologically in one single night. Eckhart that wasn't really familiar with enlightenment before that might've not even realized that time being warped this way was possible so he might've not been conscious that his happened. He said he suffered a lot right before he enlightened, but what does that mean exactly? it doesn't tell us anything really, that's my personal opinion words cannot convey such an experience

I meditated for 4 hours a day for 4 weeks. The first thing i did was lay on my bed and painstakingly neutralized all my thoughts which i accomplished 2 weeks in or so. Then i began thinking again and flexed all my muscles and joints each time i meditated. I gave that another week. The final week i began to desire to be given the gift of contact with an alien or form of energy. At about the third or fourth hour of the last day i went into a heavy wonderful trance. The trance lasted for 15 minutes or so and i felt i was out of my body incredibly fast as i saw muliticlusters of quadrillions of galaxies flash by me. I ran into the unmovable and invisible wall of this universe and seemed to bounce off of it and went to the other side and bounced of of that in a different angle. Then bounced of another wall and returned to my body. Then the trance was over and i felt terribly horrified. I felt the presence of a being that boggled my mind. I had enough courage to jump off my bed and open the door. Outside in my back yard in a dark Alaskan winter i looked up into the night's sky and saw the stars above me not knowing why i was looking up almost like i had forgotten I'd been meditating on contacting a being from deep space. I noticed a small light seconds later coming down through the atmosphere. It was very very fast at first but it was strange because it appeared small but since it was so far away at first (and it was a blue orb of light the size of a basketball when i saw it hovering outside the door window, making the snowy trees behind it glow) it must have changed its size as it came down! As soon as i saw it in the window i completely lost my fear and was in a mesmerizing and utterly peaceful awe. I ran upstairs and told my dad about what i saw but he didn't believe me. Ugh.. so i ran back downstairs and was super happy it was still there. This time i opened the door and reached out my hand but i suddenly hesitated and withdrew my hand and closed the door. My theory is that all objects in existence aquire data/knowledge as they travel through space. Since i traveled outside my body several times, the paths i took in trails gave me insight about the nature of things. No object can collect all of the information and is blessed in the eternal quest for learning. Had 15 years of psychic abilities from the age of 15 until the age of 30. I prayed/ willed my abilities away to keep me safe from insanity because i experienced too much truths and it felt too much of a task for my body to endure. 90 percent of the abilities led me to astonishment and joy but i felt like i wasn't designed for too much of that world while being in my body and i learned to be happy about learning of those things and felt satisfied completely to wait for death to continue my journey. Another of my many theories is when the mass of all things is spread out to the point of an inner shell of the circle of the edge of this universe the force of gravity in the center will be like that of the largest black hole that's ever been and the remaining matter is drained into another zone. I thank the drug ketamine in a gas form for giving me a near death experience which led to my awesome experiences at the age of 15 for a doctor and an anesthesiologist to break my arm bones back into place due to a wrestling accident in practice at my high school. Whatever the trigger and how ever you attain enlightenment is up to the individual like all spiritual physics.

This is gunna be divided into chronological sections. This trip spurred a dramatic internal reorganization and changed the trajectory of my life for good. I believe it to be responsible for deepening my interest in Truth to the level it is now and briefly turning me into a hippie. I can now contest to the huge power of entheogens. TREAT THESE SUBSTANCES WITH RESPECT. If you're taking them for spiritual/personal development reasons, I urge you to thoroughly research the experiences of others and make sure that you are well versed in personal development phenomena beforehand. There was a long stretch of time afterward where I felt clinically insane and would be in tears wishing I could go back to ignorance of these subjects we discuss on this forum. I simply wasn't ready for what happened, so there are still parts of me that are ambivalent to the idea personal development. The change of my mental landscape took months to process. The rug was pulled out from under me, hard. If you're not ready for something like that to potentially happen, don't take psyches. Without further a-do, let's dive in! LIFE PRE-LSD I was in college when the idea of taking a psych hit me. After my first semester, I wrote myself a 5 page paper (scientifically sourced) highlighting the pros and cons of taking acid. Convinced of its safety profile, I obtained it from a friend of mine. About a week after that a close friend of mine and I took it in his basement. The idea of drugs turned me off for the first part of my life. Before this trip I had only smoked weed twice and drank less than 10 times. I was really into body building at this point. I was also pretty big into no-fap at this time too - well passed the 90 day mark. I was aware of meditation and practiced loosely. I was also aware of the Ultimate Truth thanks to Leo . I would watch his videos but never really practiced, just masturbated to the theory. My interest in these subjects were just budding at the time. I also had no anxiety or depression prior to this - they were more than likely suppressed. This was prior to Leo talking about psychedelics. I'd like to thank PsychedSubstance for being a heavy catalyst in peaking one's interest of these subjects. I wanted a revelatory experience and things just fell into place for one to happen. I told my Mom and Dad before hand what I was doing and my reasoning for it. I offered them to read the paper I wrote and of course they turned me down. They were disappointed. My Mom wouldn't talk to me for a while. Why would any orange colored, right-winged household want to turn their world upside down? THE TRIP December 11th, 2016 is the night that we took it. We overlooked a couple of things. We didn't test the substance, nor did we have a trip sitter. We laid blankets out on the floor and had music going on a record player. Our intention for the trip was exclusively introspective. I wrote out a list of questions to ask myself. Unfortunately, I don't have the list any longer because I got upset one day after the trip and threw it all away. Extreme denial . It included questions like "What is time?" "What is the meaning of life?" "Who am I?" etc. The classics. We dosed up. The tabs weren't bitter or metallic tasting. In-fact, there were many times we doubted whether or not we got scammed. The person who sold them to me told me they were 100ug doses. I don't know about the validity of that statement, honestly. It took over an hour for the effects to come up. Emotions were intensified and album covers gave me strange feelings. It wasn't hectic at all. Just subtle. Visuals were nothing like I expected. They were mild. Colors were contrasty and my vision felt HD. This was the first time I could manually zone out with my vision. That stuck from the trip. Fractals were delightful. My body felt light and I felt more athletic than usual. My balance was extraordinary. The first things I noticed were my hands. By god people, I attest to this day that our appendages are the most peculiar things of our physical body. My friend explained our physical characteristics as "foreign" and it felt like a perfect word for them. We are alien. Nearly the entire come-up was spent contemplating the profundity that we are organisms. That was a realization that I never considered, it was almost as if we went third-person on our conceptualization of ourselves. Everything was new. The peak is where it gets juicy. Eventually I got to a point where I was squatting with my notepad trying to make sense of what I had written. Every once in a while I would scribble down a hieroglyphic that only made sense to humans. The realizations seemed profound but when they devolved into a ink splotch on paper the magic was stolen. The entire notion of writing my thoughts seemed futile. How are we supposed to express what's going on inside? The expression is never as accurate as what's actually happening and it seemed like it was losing it's value once I tried to analyze it. From that point, I applied that to thinking. When we analyze, we're losing the magic. We're losing what's presently going on. Thoughts like these came by the bucket load. At this point I was pacing back and forth with the amount of revelatory information being presented to me and I would occasionally mutter something to my friend who was supine on his back, wide-eyed at the ceiling. I would say, "I feel this..." and " I feel that..." and at one point a freight train hit me. I was actually stopped dead in my tracks. The question gives me goosebumps as I write this but the next thought that came up was "But who is I?". Almost immediately after that, something strange began happening. My thoughts and emotions seemed distant and my identification with them was not present. It felt as though the pallet or stage on which these sensations were happening on suddenly became recognizable. It was so still. It was so vast it was startling. I have no idea how long it lasted. What I did say to my friend afterward was "The real me is not scared". As soon as I started analyzing what was happening is when the resistance came. I burst into tears. I was suddenly on my ass blubbering about the beauty of what just had happened. An entire new domain of life opened up inside of a 15 minute time frame. It was too much but just enough at the same time. Fuck people, how do you explain this? The rest of the trip was spent contemplating this experience with great joy, and at one point I could logically explain to you how I was no different from a couch cushion. It lasted over 15 hours. LIFE AFTER THE TRIP The first moth after this experience was beautiful. It felt like the afterglow lasted for days. I would tear up at nature and enjoyed being by myself for long periods of time. I was obsessed with what happened and kept researching psyches and reports of non-duality. And then, the purging came. I woke up one morning at 5 am frantically wondering if I was dying. It was a full on panic attack. I had no idea what was happening or what to do. It was very painful. I went to counseling services later in the day in tears wondering if I had gone mad. By their estimation I had extreme anxiety. The months following this were spent in very dark corners of the soul. Every action, every thought, every emotion, every inch of my being was being analyzed. There were many times I called home to my mom crying that I didn't know what was happening. Suicidal thoughts were prevalent. I spent a lot of time in bed contemplating existence and researching enlightenment and doing some practices. Around spring time 2017 I had a few more moments where I felt I had gotten close to disappearing but there was resistance that came up. I experimented with psychedelics again but never again came close to it. The following trips were less introspective, more of them spent in nature caressing tree bark and wondering how a frog can sit in one spot for hours. Every time I smoke pot it's in hopes of reaching that state again or contemplating my existence. These days I'm stable. No more depression and very minimal anxiety. My thirst for Truth is seemingly unquenchable, however. I've begun seriously implementing practices and am now truth-seeking for the long haul. I've got the first year planned out with what habits I want to build and what book I want to read. I haven't taken a psychedelic in 8 months. I still think about it every morning when I wake up. It's haunting. And I don't know if I love it or hate it, but I want to see more. Once you peel back the first layer, you gotta keep going. That's all I've got. Be careful out there

Hey Journal! Today is great! Though I have been watching my breath as much as I can this weekend was rough.... I went to two parties that lasted forever!!! I mean I love being around people but I have a point where my brain just breaks and I can't enjoy socializing anymore. I feel so fried today... I didnt write last week because I decided to go and put up a picket fence in my yard that I plan to turn into a raised garden bed king of thing... It will be cool I will post a pic. But anyways I did that and ended up with a blister from hell on my right hand. For 3 days typing was the devil lol its good now though! To be perfectly honest though I lost my breath since I hurt my hand, I mean I didnt completely stop. But I was living in an entirely unconscious way during those days. It was just a rough time I guess. I need to step it up. I have been trying to figure out my identity my whole life. Its kind of what has driven me to learn all of this random meditation/science stuff. I feel alien among people most of the time. Its like when in conversation I feel so limited by my physical capabilities. I feel like I am running windows 10 on a computer built in 1985 and its just glitching out constantly with the program sending too many inquiries and the hardware cant handle the load. I just need to reset and regroup.

Post how you plan to execute it here. I did one for a week and it was very hard. I only went solo due to financial constraints. I also wish I had just kept inquiring instead of writing down my insights. You may find yourself become hyper-creative, so it will be tempting to put that to work before you forget, but if Truth is your aim, just put all the focus in the inquiry and leave all the concepts and labels behind. I was way too caught up with trying to map the process. Deep consciousness work is like exploring something so alien that your maps and attempts at explaining will only get in the way. Focus on the direct consciousness and allow yourself to be able to explain it later if you have to, not during your inquiry.

Curious. I mean, as soon as we start using language we are being dualists. Why is that? How do we see ourselves outside the matrix without dualistic thought rowing the boat, as it were. It's like trying to cash a check with a slice of salami, it's a non-sequitur. How can the monkey see outside the monkey all the while having the mind of a monkey? Do you see the problem here? Should we wear duality like clothing, whatever suits the weather is fine? I understand that my body is not my clothing, so no problem there. Couldn't we do the same thing with duality. Like a lot of self-aware, utilitarian monkeys dynamically balancing -- excellently I might add -- the primate infestation we call home-sweet-home. Would an alien species see us as scurrying potato bugs residing under the dried bark ramparts of a fallen tree? Or would that alien species see us as the majesty of God, or the Absolute? How would this change how we view ourselves -- considering this higher-order alien perspective on us? We're not used to contemplating like this. Maybe we should start to reverse that low-consciousness denial. How far can the monkey go to transcend his limited perspective, if at all? And how do we know that we aren't rationalizing things that are totally made up and don't exist in reality. Like a potato bug thinking it is the king of the world, until its life is destroyed one random day when an ornery kid rips that dried bark roof-top off his world and crushes his entire civilization in one brutish, seemingly irrational, low-consciousness act. --Are we the potato bug, the Hero, or God, or all and neither? --How does this contemplation exercise change how we view the potato bug and its infestation of a life? If any. --What is the true difference between infestation and civilization? How would an alien species answer this if they got a glimpse of "Earth" and "life on Earth"? NOTE: All of this language is dualistic too and came out of the mind of a monkey, me.

You have to see that every realm of reality like our normal "waking state", "dreaming state", "sleeping state" comes with certain dynamics that shape what can exist in these realms. It's like every of these realms is like a frame through which certain pictures are possible because of the nature of the frame. Now, realize that your normal waking state is just one of these frames. It can see, hear, feel, touch etc. and that's it. There could be an infinite collection infinitely combined of these way's to perceive that would shape infinite worlds out of nothingness that would include literally everything you can ever think of. The vampire sits right in front of you right now. You just don't have the frame to see it. And if you had, it could be as real as a tree. Contemplate that. I'd strongly suggest that you don't have a body that can die. If you realize that and go through that experience a couple of times with psychedelics (you'll be totally shocked if you do) you'll see that merely your current frame ends. Your perceptions will go away and you'll begin to realize who you really are. Because something will still remain because it was never birthed in life nor will it ever die out of life. What happens then? I don't know. Probably a lot of different stuff for a lot of different individual frames that come to an end. Maybe these frames are connected and undergo development. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they just die of and nothing happens, until another one comes on. Maybe. You'll see. But whatever happens will be fine because you cannot die. Because you are God. G - o motherfuckin' d. You'll live your life how you're supposed to live it. It's different for every one. Don't worry, you'll find your way. But as soon as you try to mark out an general case for every one, you'll fail. That one doesn't exist. Because if it did, all the subjective ones couldn't exist - although they do. Dude, if you don't wanna do it, don't. There's no problem. Nobody's pointing fingers here and laughing. But don't expect to ever know what it feels like to be in space when you don't actually want to fly in space with a rocket. Is it scary? Of course it is. It's outer space. Will you ever be able to get even a glimpse of it when you don't go. No. Simply no. Because to experience absolute infinity you have to go through a membrane that we call death. Now in front of this membrane (personally for you) there are all kinds of fears, daemons, stories, all the good stuff. And all of them will rush your way if you are on the way to cross the membrane. And they'll try to hold you down. And only the one who goes through that will be able to pass the membrane and experience absolute infinity. For one it might be easier, for another one it will never be achievable by "conscious will". The point is, to even get there you need the power of something as strong as 5-MeO-DMT. And even then it's not an easy ride. You can meditate for the next 40 years (which is great and you should do that because it helps on so many levels). But even then I seriously doubt that you get a glimpse of this experience because it's so different. It's so alien. There is no tool in your intellectual tool box to make sense of it. Maybe you do, there certainly are people who did it that way. It's your choice.

@Shrek_Of_Justice You've got that right! It's like living in a bubble of thought. I remember the my first 'escape' from the bubble of thought and concept. I sat there for hours silently observing people running around, going from one place to another. Doing their scheduled chores right on schedule. I gotta do this. I gotta do that. I gotta be here now. I gotta be there after. On and on and on. And they're all running over each other just to keep their schedule on schedule. It looked like absolute insanity from where I was standing. It was so alien because I couldn't relate to anything that was happening at that moment. Like I was in a totally different country with a totally different culture, and I totally didn't fit in. haha That's why I say you don't see it happening until you actually step out of it and view it from the outside. I remember thinking 'Holy shit, that's me too!. I've been literally sleep walking through life.

@Anton Rogachevski Well sure, "experience" is just a label we attach to everything you're sensing. Don't overthink it. Experience simply means: the 5 senses plus thought. In other words, EVERYTHING you've ever encountered from the moment you were born till today. But then there's consciousness beyond that. It can't really be imagined because imagination is related to sense experience. Try not to think of it as anything. Not some alien landscape or anything. Consciousness may just be Nothing

@Ilya I'm literally doing the exact same thing before my college semester starts. At my dorm I'm doing a home made retreat. I have a small meditation journal, try to go big with your time and really try to live the simple spartan life. Little phone, no computer, no messaging. Eat lots of fruit and veggies. I'm four days in so far, eating a consistent diet of baby carrots and blueberries for breakfast, Leo's soup for lunch, and brócoli pasta for dinner. My meditation ranges from 4-7 hours. Here is the key: you know yourself best, don't be afraid to experiment and make your own forms of meditations that work best for you. If you are trying to become enlightened, try to not get too caught up in the answers your learned online and try to stay in a state of "not-knowing" which is always the state your in before your greatest insights. Don't be afraid to act a little insane when your alone, laugh out loud, cry, pray, face your fears, do what gets you in that state of uncertainty. I'll post a few photos of my notes as an example of my current progress. 分 = minutes 时 = hour 总数 = total (time) 心得 = insights Basically from the photos, you'll see a theme. I'll write in dark ink the practice and for how long AFTER I do it, not before. Then I'll write little important quick insights from that practice, then I write my whole "how my day went" at the end of the day, and also clarify the insights in more detail that I wrote earlier. The first day was figuring out how to get started with my momentum, was mostly contemplation. The second day was pure ego backlash and surrendering to reality (doing the dirty painful work), the third day was focusing on concentration and labeling, getting in touch with my senses, the forth day so far had been mostly contemplation and self inquiry. Some strange ones you might see are experimental: 1. Praying in tongue: my father is a passionate Christian, I wanted to try his prayer technique for the pursuit of attaining enlightenment. Basically how you do it is let your auditory thoughts talk, like a stream of speaking, it might sound very alien. it isn't limited to the speed, vowels, pitch, or volume. Mine tends to turn into a type of singing and eventually screaming, I literally feel like a dragon shooting a beam of light and words out of my mouth. Totally shocked me how powerful it was when done in the mind. Basically it feels like my intuition, my true self is helping me put me in a state where I can see an obvious shift in physical reality and question it , leading to self inquiry. This is not to be underestimated 2. Contemplate blessings: basically you contemplate how awesome and lucky your life is, how proud of you you are, etc. So far this has worked and put me in a state of mind for the rest of the day in my retreat. 3. Cold shower SDS (strong determination sitting): a more intense and quick version of normal SDS. Pretty powerful, but also very painful. Gives you a clear mind and peaceful mind at the end. Only do in short bursts! One more thing, sometimes if I don't know what to do next, I'll set the timer for an hour, organically let my mind figure out what it wants to do, then note down what it turns out to be. So the end result might become labeling, self inquiry, SDS, or praying in tongues, etc. Basically, really make the day formal and spartan like, super mindful, and experiment what works best for you. We would love to hear how it works for you at the end of your home made retreat

(I'm practicing my story telling. Here's a short story I wrote up.) Everyone knows Superman has the stupidest disguise ever. Why doesn’t everyone recognize him considering all he wears are a pair of glasses? The secret is that Superman actually uses a hypnosis-beam on everyone around him. This beam bounces through Superman’s glasses and gives everyone Prosopagnosia, or face blindness, such that they literally do not see him for who he is. Considering how He's destroyed a solar system with a sneeze, shattered reality itself with a punch, and even escaped a blackhole, Superman finds it tough to find entertainment at times. I mean, the best games require challenge, and so does the game of life. More and more, Superman wonders what it would be like to be truly human until one day, his curiosity over takes him. Superman looks at himself in the mirror and uses the hypo beam on himself. Zap! Superman stopped being superman and only Clark Kent remained. Clark has hidden memories of what it was like to be Superman, but since he’s can’t recognize himself his identity, all he knows is that he feels some type of indescribable incompleteness. Try as he might, nothing fills up this incompleteness. Fantasizing about to Lois Lane doesn’t Help. Working up the Career ladder at the Daily Planet doesn’t help. Alcohol doesn’t help. Nothing lets Clark feel infinite again. People begin to look at Clark weird (Remember, everyone around him now sees Superman Moping about, walking instead of flying, acting as if he can’t do anything to help himself, and stuck inside his own mind). Now that he's become human, Clark feels more Alien than ever. Clark gets depressive and begins to zone out. Lois is skeptical - Why has her Superman started acting this way? She pulls Clark to the side on day at the office. “I don’t know what kind of shenanigans you’re trying to pull off, but it’s weird. You’re not acting like yourself. I don’t like it.You don't like it. No one likes it. Maybe you should go see the MetaHuman Doctor.” When Clark tells the MetaHuman Doctor about his feelings of physical incompleteness, anxiety over small problems, and inability to look people in the eye confidently, the doctor simply laughs. “Is this some kind of joke?” Clark gets visibly upset when he sees the Doctor's’ incredulity. At that moment, the Doctor realizes that Superman is being dead serious. He’s actually convinced himself that he’s Clark. That is, he’s not going to be able to tap into his superhuman abilities to help others until he snaps out of this delusion. Worse, a deluded superman is capable of killing the world in order to try to recreate the feeling of being superman. The joke is suddenly not funny. The Doctor smiles and tells Clark pain medication is unnecessary, as it would only be treating the symptoms and not the root cause. Clark tells the doctor that this makes no sense - "What is a sickness if not the symptoms? Perhaps, You mean that my problems are chemical instead of psychological." No, The Doctor tells Clark. That’s not the issue. In fact, the Doctor continues, there's weirder news: the symptoms aren’t even symptoms of anything, really – he’s acting like a normal person. The truth is that there’s nothing to fix in the first place. Clark just has to pay attention to who or what he actually is to realize that he’s been infinitely strong this whole time. Clark doesn’t get it. In fact, he gets mad at the suggestion that there’s nothing to fix – clearly there’s something to fix or else he would have never gone to the doctor! The doctor grabs Clark by the shoulders, looks him dead in the eye and tells him the truth: Clark, there's nothing to fix because You already transcend what it means to be human. You are a god. You are immortal. You always have been and always will be. You’re getting upset over nothing other than your own stories for what you think you are. If you remember who you are, where you came from, and what you did to get to this point, your problems as Clark Kent will become a mere joke to you. The world needs you to remember who you are - an immortal being - so that you can go back to helping others and stop focusing so much on completing Clark Kent. “You think I’m a god?” Clark looks at the Doctor like the Doctor is the one who’s insane “I thought you were supposed to be a man of science.” The doctor sighed. There’s nothing you can say to someone who’s not willing to listen. “Apparently, they’ll let complete nuts run clinics these days,” Clark says as he walks out, slamming the door behind him. He chooses not to notice that the door turned into pure sawdust from his strength. "Telling me that there's no problem when I stand here in torture is simply more torture." Clark leaves the building and presses a button to cross the street. A kid stands next to him, playing with a bouncy ball. Clark continues to curse under his breathe. “Why doesn’t anyone help me? First Lois tells me I’m not acting myself and then the Doctor tell me nothing’s wrong. I’m just Clark Kent – I’m not some superhero. What did I do to deserve this bullshit?” At that moment the kid’s bouncy ball hits off Clarks shoe and into the traffic. The kid runs out to chase the ball, not thinking whatsoever. Clark’s eyes open as he watches things unfold in slow motion. No one else can help - it's not his kid but it is his responsibility. He runs out. BAM! A huge bus hits Clark just as he manages to reach the child. He saw It for one second. His entire life flashes before his eyes. He sees the Truth – the whole universe in front of him – what he actually is. Then he wakes up, unscathed. And he gets it. Not matter what’s happened, he’s always been alive. The same way the sun always rises and the birds always fly, he’s had to be alive to see it happen. There’s never been a time he’s aware of where he’s not been alive. There’s no reason to be anxious, there’s no reason to think he’s weak, there’s no reason to remain unconfident – that’s all part of a character named Clark. In truth, he’s Superman. It never mattered what the Doctor told Clark. It wasn’t until Clark got by a bus that it all made sense. The doctor could have shouted YOU ARE IMMORTAL into Clarks face one thousand times but none of that would come close to the direct experience of what it means to be Superman. It’s not like recognizing who he is actually changed anything about Superman’s life as Clark. He still works at the Daily Planet. He still has a crush on Lois Lane. He still likes coffee. But his experiential grasp of his true nature does change his perspective on things. Specifically, Clark Kent won’t be limited to the same types of actions now that he remembers that he is. The next day, Clark saunters in the office with a certain pep. As he turns the corner, a plucky intern runs around the corner and directly into him, spilling coffee on his shirt. “Watch where you’re going, asshole!” the kid yells out. Does Clark get mad? Yes, a little bit at first. I mean, the its the kid who was run But he’s then he thinks “who gives a shit, I’m Superman. I could snap this guy’s spine in two, but it actually feels better not to." It sucks to live a life where you’re never going to know what it’s like to be Superman. "Honestly I acted like a jackass too when I felt like that. In fact, it sucks so much that I’ll help him clean up despite him acting like a fool." So Clark continues on being Superman and Clark, knowing the Truth, yet never able to completely state it or else people might freak out. His strength was always there, but his awareness made all the difference. Having the experience of being human makes being Superman that much better: He no longer feels as bored but he also has greater empathy for the humans-waiting-to-be-superhumans around him.

An "alien" Will never pop up of no where and try to kill you. Advanced extratterestrials don't have evil intentions. If they had, the earth would not be here anymore, it would be destroyed in a nanosecond if they choosed to. We as humans are more dangerous than those "aliens" because of the fear programming. When we transcend the fear we can actually connect with peaceful extraterrestrials, if you have fear it's very unlikely that you Will perceive them. But the mainstream media Will not tell you this. It's main concern is to maintain the fear in the masses. And those thoughts that you're describing are most probably been programmed in you by the mainstream media. If consciousness work makes you fear ghosts and "aliens", your expanding thinking not awarness during your consciusness work. If your were expanding awarness you would be open and accepting if a ghost or an "alien" showed up. It would not disturb you at all. What disturbs you is the thought that pops up in your awarness. The identification with this thought. Polarity. When your identified with thoughts you are expanding their meaning after a thought pops up. When your identified with ego(thought,belief, perception, interpretation....) you can get lost in this meaning unable to shift your awarness. Awarness cannot disturb you. What's happening to you is normal. It's a purging process. Keep on expanding your awarness. It gets worse before it gets better.

Hey guys, I have a really silly issue. Conscious work ungrounds me to a certain extent, after contemplating for a while, and my brain uses this to its advantage to just plainly piss me off. One way is it says "wow you truly don't know whether or not the laws of physics are real, like theres a high chance but you have no idea. That's a fact. That means it's perfectly possible for an alien to pop out of no where and kill you. That's perfectly possible" This scares the shit out of me, particularly when I'm home alone trying to go to bed. This issue is ridiculous but any advice? Thanks

Does this mean you can prepare for the next life? And if you become fully enlightened, will you forget that in the next life, so it will be an infinite cycle of pain, misery and hapiness through all possible conscious states, whether it's through an alien or a tree? Do you get these kinds of insights from this experience?

Really doubt it's an alien if it looks anything similar to human biologi

I would like to hear some your childhood spiritual experiences. I only read about depersonalization about 5 years ago, and I had to let go of a lot of these profound magical experiences I interpreted as being divine. Likely as a result of a severe anxiety/depressive disorder, I had sometimes bizzare windows into what I thought was a spiritual inquiry. I think this was a way of my brain dealing with trauma as a child, but to this day I still experience some depersonalization from time to time but nothing on the magnitude of what I've experienced before. Sometimes I wake up in this state, things seem bizzare, alien, or sometimes even serene and tranquil. I've never had a frightening depersonalization episode like others have described. They are normally states I enjoy being in and would attempt at times to induce it, but there is no mechanism that I'm aware of, it just happens, or is likely to happen under certain conditions. During these episodes my mind gets quiet, deathly silent, I'm detached, usually in a state of bliss, and I have a very pleasant feeling of just existing, in these moments I feel so utterly complete and content I want to stay in this place forever. It feels like discovery almost, like finding a tranquil grove in the woods after wading through rough brush and difficult terrain. Other times it feels like I'm in an alien world, like things are bizzare and the mind is active and questioning everything, there is confusion. Other episodes feel like there is an entity with me, like a divine presence, but there is very limited thoughts in these states, it's like my background of scrolling thoughts just ceases, it's like you are just existing without thoughts or ideas about who you are, where your going, what happened in your past, what will happen in the future. Large wide open spaces seem to trigger me, and it's more likely to happen if I'm alone than with others, but it's not required. Normally, it just occurs out of no where, anytime, any reason, though sometimes it occurs after a significantly stressful few days. The episodes can last hours or minutes. I had thought that these were profound and "special" experiences. It plays into my ego perfectly. It fits in with the "I am unique and mysterious" paradigm I created. I've let this stuff go for the most part, but it's interesting that it occurs and still occurs. I think it's a defense mechanism that provides me comfort in difficult times. I wouldn't mind hearing if any others have experiences like these.

Had a dream experience that absolutely verified him for me, I made a forum about him as well. www.bashar-forum.org The guy who channels him is a bit of hard head though imo in terms of not spreading the material for free and using a very outdated business model, but if you can look past that (and maybe join some sharing group, cough) then it's pretty cool. The only other downside I'll give is that the alien is actually a bit unnuanced at times and can easily be misinterpreted.

Reason for posting this is because of the number of reoccurring reporting of OOBE, encounter with entities with alien like creatures or deceased loved ones, feelings of warmth and peace. Pulled from Wiki: Common elements Researchers have identified the common elements that define near-death experiences. Bruce Greyson argues that the general features of the experience include impressions of being outside one's physical body, visions of deceased relatives and religious figures, and transcendence of egotic and spatiotemporal boundaries. Many common elements have been reported, although the person's interpretation of these events often corresponds with the cultural, philosophical, or religious beliefs of the person experiencing it. For example, in the USA, where 46% of the population believes in guardian angels, they will often be identified as angels or deceased loved ones (or will be unidentified), while Hindus will often identify them as messengers of the god of death. Although the features of NDEs vary from one case to the next, common traits that have been reported by NDErs are as follows: A sense/awareness of being dead. A sense of peace, well-being and painlessness. Positive emotions. A sense of removal from the world. An out-of-body experience. A perception of one's body from an outside position. Sometimes observing medical professionals performing resuscitation efforts. A "tunnel experience" or entering a darkness. A sense of moving up, or through, a passageway or staircase. A rapid movement toward and/or sudden immersion in a powerful light (or "Being of Light") which communicates with the person. An intense feeling of unconditional love and acceptance. Encountering "Beings of Light", "Beings dressed in white", or similar. Also, the possibility of being reunited with deceased loved ones. Receiving a life review, commonly referred to as "seeing one's life flash before one's eyes". Receiving knowledge about one's life and the nature of the universe. Approaching a border, or a decision by oneself or others to return to one's body, often accompanied by a reluctance to return. Suddenly finding oneself back inside one's body. Connection to the cultural beliefs held by the individual, which seem to dictate some of the phenomena experienced in the NDE and particularly the later interpretation thereof. Stages Kenneth Ring (1980) subdivided the NDE on a five-stage continuum. The subdivisions were: Peace Body separation Entering darkness Seeing the light Entering the light He stated that 60% experienced stage 1 (feelings of peace and contentment), but only 10% experienced stage 5 ("entering the light"). According to Alana Karran, the NDE stages resemble the so-called hero's journey.

Maybe if we encounter an alien civilization with a far more developed brain than ours, we will know the answer. Our imaginations might indeed be limited by the brain. Maybe there are an infinite amount of those civilization who are infinitely more developed and have access to infinite higher realities than we think is possible. But wouldn't they also be part of that same infinite One?

How abou cooking an alien dish you're excited to try with some jazz in teh background supported with cold wine followed by making out?