LaucherJunge

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About LaucherJunge

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  1. For anyone who still cares, I kinda had another insight about all of this. Now I understand that Women are simply not loving you for your logic, how much you convince them, how good you are to them. They really love from their heart and the chemistry you make them feel. I see now that the porn really was an even greater obstacle than I thought, it really took alot of exactly this masculinity that I needed to keep attracting her, also a big aspect of masculinity is this self directed energy which is typical for narcissists, which of course attracts women, especially empathic ones, also they are masters in causing exactly those chemical reactions in women, which they need to fall in love. Anyway, now I am on 23 days of nofap and it was really easy honestly, with all the heartbreak I wasn't really focused on it at all and that's why it was so easy and I will continue going forward with this. So I guess, the red pill comments, had some truth to them after all, even though I think you really can stay a very decent human being and be kinda still nice to women, just in a very special way, I guess there is still lots of time to figure this out..
  2. @Nahm I think it is mostly the attention which causes my high, since the high even happens an "object" of my desire simply texts me even if it's lets say not a positive answer from them I get the high initially. Thank you Nahm, that was insanely helpful, I am gonna get going with this list.
  3. @Nahm Well as I said, sometimes it just feels like this is my only drive to live, this love addiction, there is nothing to live for without love. I also keep attaching from person to person and obsessing with them, even if I don't really know them, because it never was about the person it was just about my high. I also struggled in my recent relationship to really stay independent from that person, like there was no other focus in my life. And obviously after the break up I would compulsively try everything to get her back and simply can not let go, even though this experience has grown me immensely and I really found the way to my heart and self love even further, I simply can't seem to let go of this love fantasy that this was the perfect love and there will never be such a great love again.. I feel like this addiction was kinda well hidden or even partly resolved until recently I started being abstinent from orgasm and I think now this love addiction seems to be taking the place of my old addictions and is getting worse. I am so deeply attached to looking for this perfect love that I really feel like I don't want to live anymore, if it seems to not be going my way at all, because nothing else is worth living.
  4. How to cure it, what do you think? And it is not really that I don't have any self-love at all, I feel like I am on a decent level, but it is just mentally that I absolutely think Love is my only life goal, my only life purpose, it is everything for me..
  5. @Consept You are a little overboard with this interpretation, in my opinion most of the advice in here was pretty helpful and the ego part I was talking about was referring to a few comments. The reality of the situation is that you don't really have the insight into our connection. As I said I am not in those dreams anymore I was in a few days ago. I am in the heart now and I know that she was in her heart all along, because that is what women are good at, of course there are exceptions. Anyway I am really happy now with the situation as it is and don't feel like a need a relationship at the moment, first I kinda need to cool down from all this.
  6. @bejapuskas It was clinginess when I still wanted something that she didn't. But she said multiple times that she loves me and want out heart connection, of course based on a friendship, which is what I also feel like the right thing at the moment, friendship to start reconnecting our hearts, I really don't need to be physically with her, to love her and to enjoy our relationship of whichever nature, if our hearts are both ready we will get together if not they won't but we will still be loving friends and I am completely fine with this. @Toby of course it does, this is exactly what your heart is here for to truly know what your soul desires and what it doesen't desire and if there is a one sided thing involved all I can say is, there is no better lesson in life than such relationships.
  7. @bejapuskas I mean especially the red pill and blue pill stuff, realize that you have the power to create your world, if you want to live in the mainstream worlds of blue or red pill, you will sure never fulfill your hearts true desire. I feel like some people here are not at all connected to their heart, to their desires, their passion. That way you will never experience genuine love, which in my opinion is the most beautiful thing life has to offer, your heart is capable of this love for anyone even yourself at all times, but of course you need to really get in touch with it.
  8. I thank you all for your help, even though some of it is coming from alot of ego. But I now remember again what really the issue was in this whole situation, for some reason I closed my heart after my second meeting with her. Before meeting her it was really active and I was passionate about everything and that is the reason she fell in love with me, because I wrote so passionately with my whole heart. She must have felt that my heart closed but she still stayed with me in the relationship for 2,5 more months.. Now that I reopened it I really just want to connect with her again in the heart space and I really don't care if she just wants to be friends, I am back to my authentic core and with my passionate heart opened self, I know that I can attract love easily and so even my desperation for her is completely gone now. We will be friends again we will connect again and we will see if I wanna attract someone else or maybe get back with her, because I know that with my opened heart she will not be able to resist me for long, I finally understood this. I wish you a good day.
  9. @alankrillin Well, karezza is still a good way in my opinion, you just need to be far enough for it to really get deep. And I surely am not at that level yet, I underestimated what it really takes. Yeah, you are right I guess that was the biggest mistake of my life to not give this addiction the attention that it needed. But the circumstances taught me and now force me to really take this seriously. I was simply very lonely and even though I was working on my self love and got to a really decent point in my opinion, that's why I attracted the relationship, I kind of took the relationship for granted after a while and so I did take for granted not feeling lonely anymore. But I see now that you have to give all the things you need to yourself really, then the magic will happen and I am giving 100% for this to happen.
  10. I suppose with so much feedback from you guys saying that I need to give it up for good, I have to humble my ego and get over it, thank you all for your opinions.
  11. @Emerald She absolutely does, she was abused as a child and the man was showing her porn while doing that. I thought she wouldn't let the unconscious influence her like that, but I think that was exactly the problem, she thought I was on my way to recovery but I told her that I kept watching porn for the past months and I guess that is the moment it snapped in her. For a long time in life she couldn't say no to sex and would just get raped by friends who wanted more, she would just freeze. I worked alot towards healing this with her and I think I did a good job at that and I witnessed this with my own eyes once how she freezed when I wanted sex, that was surely not a manipulation trick or anything. You know, the thing is she never wanted control, it was an issue for her that she had to take charge sometimes when I couldn't because of my inexperience. It is not only her who says that about him, all of her family and I even heard from some common friends of them both how crazy he is. And the things she told me really made me speechless. Him basically turning around crying on the floor like a baby because he didn't get sex, or him treatening to hit himself with a book on the head or even killing himself when she leaves him. We actually talked about having a child alot and I would have been fine with it, although our financial situation wasn't really all that good for this to happen.
  12. @Tetcher I know very well about red pill and blue pill. And it is all ego in my opinion although it has some truths if you wanna be statistical. But I am not looking for a mainstream relationship and that is what red and blue pill are all about mainstream, what usually is the case. And I can assure you we weren't mainstream in anything and we both are the opposite actually. The relationship was all about truth, not about games and I agree she didn't put up to this truth, she wasn't there yet. @tenta We had sex everyday we were together, like usually 5-6 times on a weekend and we also liked simply lying inside of each other for longer periods of time, even sleeping inside each other. @Consept Yes it is exactly the reason it went downhill and I can understand that, I was slacking off, I was kinda resting on the relationship instead of doing my work, instead of quitting porn, working out more, eating more healthy and all of that stuff. You guys underestimate how much I understand her perspective and she does understand mine, we talk really deeply about all that stuff. But anyway, I concluded that the only thing I can do is move on and wait what happens. Just put 100% into my life everything I got and attract what I truly want.
  13. @Leo Gura Yes we were having alot of great sex, especially in the beginning, we were trying to really have conscious sex not the mainstream kind you see around I guess. But our connection suffered and we seemed to be losing connection, which I am guessing was mainly due to my porn addiction. I was blowing her mind on a regular basis really and she said that she never had such a deep heart connection, all seemed okay, when she wrote me this text: "After reading your powerful text, I have really seen who you are and how you love and I think that I can now finally give in to you even more. I am thankful that you made conscious to me how important it is to fully give in, in a relationship and how much trouble I have with this. I want you to know that I want to realize everything that you make me conscious of in our relationship, for me, for you, because I love you, because I never want to lose this wonderful open and honest basis, because it is so precious to me." I hope now you all can see why I am so confused. @Consept Thank you for your advice, everyone has his ego in relationships, it is pretty hard not to have it and I know her already well enough, to know that she is not a manipulator and a very conscious being actually. we actually know each other for 6 Months, we were writing every single day for 2 Months and at that we wrote text which I really needed 1-2 hours for writing, same as her, this wasn't one way communication. Then we got together, in total we spent like 16-18 full days together I think, but of course we were skyping like 2-3 times a week also.. Anyway thank you for opening this perspective for me, maybe there is more to it than I am able to grasp at the moment. It is already over between us for a week, I was texting her alot, being a little desperate to be honest and I am not proud of it, but my ego really had trouble with this, but now I simply wrote to her that I don't want any contact to her anymore, until she really lets go of him fully and that even then I am not sure if I would even really want the contact.
  14. @Average Investor Thank you for the reply, I appreciate your opinion on this matter and I will surely watch those videos. The thing is, she is not really interested in other man in that way, you know. I really know that she is a trustworthy and good partner. In my opinion she just hasn't reached the point where she sees that true love is only within and is peaceful, true love is not "too strong" that is just fantasy and being in love rather than love and I really know that she does unconditionally love me as I do her, that is what makes me really want this to work out. She explained her perspective to me and I really understand it, she said she didn't expect her feelings for him to be that strong, when wanting to meet him and I really want to give it time and let her learn that this is not really love. But on the other hand it is really hard for me to give it that time, because I simply don't know how long it will take for her to learn it and even if I can ever really trust her on this. I know alot of it speaks on just leaving her for good and I know that I actually should, but it is simply my wish to be with her for the rest of my life and it would be really lazy to give up that easily wouldn't it?
  15. Hey guys. I am in an awkward spot in my life at the moment, I am 23 years old and just 4 months ago got together with my girlfriend who is 30. We are both on the spiritual path and the relationship although it was a long distance relationship with us seeing once a month for like 4 days and skyping alot, it was really harmonious and we never really had much trouble with each other, we were about to move together in a few months.. Her problem with me was that I had still some addictions to things like porn, unhealthy food and I guess I got a little lazy about many other small things, simply not working on myself fast enough, I kinda needed a kick in the ass, but it happened really in a sad way, also another problem is my lack of experience in life and my strong attachment to my partner, which I now figured out, as you will read below. She was going to meet her ex boyfriend who is also 23 to let him go for good, because she still felt something was left between them that had to go, the problem is he is a narcissistic schizo and he mistreated her for some time, she was telling me alot about it, how bad it was with him, how much he manipulated her and so on. The thing is the next day after the meeting I hear from her saying "it was too strong" he kissed me and from there on it was over.. After just 3 days with him she again saw how crazy he still is and wrote me but now she is trying it again.. I can't bare seeing her making the same mistake over and over. The thing is I had a really really strong fear of loss which kinda led to self sacrifice and now yesterday I just found out about this and started healing it, it was the most beautiful moments of my life with alot of tears. Now I have been abstinent for 2 weeks and I am confident that I will move trough with this and also changed the other habits, I am giving 100% now for myself, out of love for myself. She still thinks that I am doing it out of this self sacrifice for her.. I really love her unconditionally and she said she does aswell, but she says she doesen't see the man in me that she want's on her side, because of all those problems she had with me, but I am really working on it out of my free will and I will keep working on it with all I got, with or without her. What is your advice, do you think I can still get her back? I mean I really doubt that she is gonna stick around with him for all that long, when she already was fed up with him after 3 days.. I really don't know how to handle this situation.