LaucherJunge

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About LaucherJunge

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  1. I tried NoFap the last time seriously about 11 months ago, after I had a bad breakup it was pretty easy because I was in hella pain anyway with or without it and I had my record there of 30 days but honestly the benefits were pretty overshadowed by being love sick for the most part. Anyway after these 30 days I felt like going back to my roots, felt that the change wasn't really me, wasn't really coming from within but from the circumstances of porn being the reason for her breaking up. Now I kinda found my way back but with a completely different approach, I tried to find out as much about sexual energy and energy in general mostly in a tantric sense and just been at it for about a week now just trying to move up my energies into the higher chakras, also trying to have these orgasms without ejaculation although I didn't really get there fully yet kinda had a glimpse of it but I also just managed to improve my physical self love process(masturbation) so to speak, I just fully passionately dive into it move all the lust up and try to focus on my heart even during ejaculation just coming more of a place of love, of the heart space and the orgasms together with the ejaculation have been so amazing that I really feel satiated for a long while after these and have really no desire for porn what so ever. I can even watch the Witcher series for example with tons of nudity without letting the lust overtake me even for a second. I am pretty sure this isn't as fast of a healing of this addiction as full abstinence would be, but trying to be fully abstinent always was the real reason for me to fail at NoFap because I could never see a future for me being abstinent I am just too much of a sexual being, especially being a scorpio ascendant, my lust has always been overtaking any other efforts but now my lust turns into unspeakable loving energy or in the future energy of any kind I wish it to be, so I hope at least. Now I can't say with 100% certainty that the addiction won't return because I am just at a week into this but believe me I have never felt like this ever before, I just know now that I don't need it anymore because I have something that is far better and healthier and has infinite potential for growth right at my lap. Just some possible inspiration for everyone who feels the same way I did back in the day. Just find your process of self love, find the way to really fulfill your needs in this healthy way not focusing solely on the lust but on the love radiating from your heart when you move the energy up into the higher chakras. I even allow myself to fantasize but as I said in a loving not lustful way but even if for a moment I get carried away, that's just part of the process and it's going to get better over time. Now don't get me wrong, if abstinence is the way for you, you should totally go for it because it's very powerful and probably a faster and more direct way but be honest with yourself about this stuff maybe sometimes it's better to go step by step.
  2. @B_Edwards13 Thank you seems good so far.
  3. What are your best resources on these topics you know of? I feel like the thing that is holding me back the most and offers the greatest potential for growth is my sexuality and at the same time noticed that considering how important sexuality and sexual energy actually is, spirituality tends to really not dive all that much into this topic in general. You mostly just hear about celibacy and that's it. But I feel like it's more than worth to really explore this topic to all of it's depth like I personally did with pretty much any other topic that has to do with spirituality and self-growth. What I am mainly looking for are tantra teachers who really go in depth with this topics preferably on YouTube can't seem to find anything that easily. I'm not that much into books but I guess if there is one that you thing is an absolute must it would be great either. Already read Cupids Poisoned Arrow's about Karezza and it was very much worthwhile.
  4. @Arcangelo It's just seriously arrogant and ignorant to take age or experience as the measure of someones competence in any given topic, don't you see the amount of ego looking from this perspective? Sure the majority of people with a lot of experience in a topic will be more competent but there are always these exceptions especially when you are looking into a forum like this where some very interesting individuals of the humans species are gathering, it's not your average pick up forum by any means. So age makes you better in what way? What about a kid that graduates college at the age of 12? What about that spiritual teacher who got enlightened as a child? What about the guy who suffered all his life due to a specific problem and went through it, healed it and due to that may be an expert in that specific area of life? I had sex and the first relationship for the first time at 23 and yet I know more about love than 99% of the population and I wasn't much further behind even before I had that experience if you don't believe me go on and block me. Some people just know things, some people are observant, some people are very sensitive to their surroundings in all kinds of ways and some people are just shallow and numb.
  5. @ivankiss Being with someone who cheated on you is going to be painful and takes a lot of inner work and if you are willing to put in the work then I don't see anything wrong about it, if on the other hand you think that it's too painful to handle that you would rather take your growth slower or maybe that it isn't serving your growth enough to be worth it well then it's also pretty clear what to do.. For me it would always depend on the level of love for the woman also and of course the circumstances. One of my Exes cheated and I tried to accept that for a short while but I simply couldn't so I moved on and it was a great decision, no matter what decision you make in the end it will be the right one and you'll be happy about it. Then again there is a girl currently, which I truly love, I feel like the only thing that is still in the way of unconditionally loving her is my lust which is a pretty big topic for me and of course very much linked with sexuality, so if she cheated on me that would be actually a pretty intense but good way to work on this issue, but if I could really accept it is something I would have to decide in that moment and couldn't really tell now. At the same time I couldn't imagine her doing it, but that doesn't make it impossible of course especially as time passes things can change.
  6. Do all the steps necessary to become happy without her. If you are not able to do that you are simply not there yet and need more lessons that she can teach you through the suffering she is causing. Eventually you will get there and be happy without her and there is really no other way if you are serious about growth and spiritual work you can not ever rely on someone else to make you happy that is always just a lesson to teach you how to become happy, how to love yourself and then of course you can start having real relationships with unconditional love where both parties are happy on their own.
  7. @Unwiring First of all the best thing you can do would be to really realize that Love is taking something in as part of yourself unconditionally, without judgement with full acceptance no matter of the state of the matter, because every state is just a made up duality which does not mirror "God" in any sense. It's not about doing the action of loving yourself so to speak but about losing all the resistance that you have towards it, because it's not an action it is what's always there without needing any action you are just blind to it because you are resisting parts of yourself. Of course also considering that true Self-Love is not only for you but to the all to everything. So simply getting to really know yourself, shining consciousness upon these hidden parts letting people trigger the shit out of you in all the ways possible so that these parts come to the surface and you can start accepting and loving them, which doesn't mean they can't change, they will change on their own if that's the right thing to bring your Self-Love to the next level. I think what really makes it easy to accept and love everything is when you start being grateful for everything, so that's kinda my advice on top of all that. It's really hard for us to understand sometimes how things are serving us even though they seem so wrong, but if you really start trusting God trusting the universe, see that it really has always been on your side, the puzzle pieces will start coming together. Last note on that, never forget that Love is infinite, you can never ever reach a limit on loving yourself and others, which is really beautiful.
  8. I see way too much judgement in this conversation. Not to say that this way seems bad, it seems very advanced, but it does seem to be very rejecting towards duality and life in a way, of course for understandable reason but doesn't make it better non the less. Tantra is as much a part of life as anything else is. Black magic is as much a part and as much Love as anything else is. God is not only within, god is without too.
  9. To be honest I have been very lazy when it comes to pursuing women in a really masculine way moving towards them and so on, in the past I would rather run away basically. All the girlfriends I had I've met online and this was really smooth and effortless then, but getting together with a girl through a real life connection seems so hard to me. I just started studying and there is a girl in my group who I hang out with all the time basically but it's like so hard for me to stay me, I really get lost, lose my authenticity basically in the pursuit of her, my emotions are just really overwhelming like they've always been, I feel like I get addicted to the person I pursue and whenever any bit of closeness fades I feel pain and this makes me basically budge to the circumstances and lose myself. It's not even about this girl for me honestly, I can go a little into detail about what's going on with her and me but it's really not that important after all, I just need to start choosing me finally and figure out how to solve this issue for good. It's so hard for me to handle this, it's already enough for me that we get into the room and randomly don't sit beside each other this gets me really uncomfortable and can be painful already, or her being at her phone all the time writing with others or whatever. At the weekend we actually were on discord together and played a game I also asked her if she wants to come to my place with me someday after university she agreed but when I saw her this morning she was just on her phone playing and basically didn't even look at me when we said good morning to each other. She is kinda socially awkward I guess, studying IT with me so that's not a surprise. I'm just trying to stay strong with her and get closer and closer step by step but I feel like in the process I am getting hurt more and more. Gosh it would be all so easy, but it's just my emotions that are so hard to handle for me. Obviously I'm wasting way too much thought over her anyway but again this is predicated by my emotions, they are really controlling me like crazy, when it comes to girls and relationships I have always known that some things I was doing or was about to do are going to drive me away from them but I did them usually anyway because my emotions forced me to, it's just like constant torture for me, the pain won't go away until I act, I just can't sit still sometimes, can't have the patience.
  10. I personally backed away from such an opportunity, although for me it was for circumstantial reasons, she already had a baby with her husband and I got along pretty well with her husband as well. I was alone with her one night and we had some very intimate moments and crazy sexual tension in the air, like uncountable times just a brink away from kissing, but we always turned away and we definitely would have had sex that night too to be honest but someone rang the bell just before it was starting to get going and honestly I am glad that it went this way. I totally love her as a friend, actually she is my best friend and I think her husband is very good for her, she even got pregnant again recently. For me there were just lessons to be learned from all this, that's what attraction is always about, you can learn these lessons without actually getting into a relationship with someone or having an affair. What crystallized for me is that no matter how big the attraction is, in the end you'll feel better about it when you just leave it be in most cases, but as always there are exceptions for sure!
  11. @milii I can totally feel you with this, was in a similar situation 9 months ago, for me it took over half a year to really get over it and honestly I am just beginning to get back to my heights from before that relationship, maybe I will be there in a few months, I know how shitty it is to be in the place that you are and it's probably not too comforting if someone tells you just let the time heal the wounds, because you are in pain right now, but that's sadly how this works, the best thing you can do is speeding up the process by grieving properly, doing inner work and maybe trying to get back some positivity into your life in healthy doses. The good news is we live in a cyclical universe which means that you are going to reach new even greater heights then you had before and yes they might get taken away again, only so that you get the motivation needed to go even beyond that.
  12. @Serotoninluv Of course you are right empaths also tend to be attracted to narcissists, but what really makes me think that this is about my own repressed aspects is that I just independently had this insight recently that it's okay to be narcissistic when I was in a particularly bad and painful situation, I just went from whimpering to crying out of joy in that instant, it was a huge relief and just about 1 week after this realization I notice this attraction towards them. But at the same time I already very well know my empathetic side and this aspects also mirrors very well astrologically in my moon in pisces, this part was just always very dominant and suppressed the darker parts of me. So I think that you can actually be on both sides of the spectrum at the same time. And I also do like the thought of fully giving away my control and let someone else have full power over me and still being able to trust that they have my best interest at heart and this thought is especially attractive when it's someone narcissistic. @Emerald Thank you for this brilliant reply, that's basically exactly what I was looking to know. It makes so much sense now especially considering my text above, the attraction comes from multiple angles really, my empathetic side sees that root aspect below the darkness and wants to fix them, I see into their core for who they really are and basically get my satisfaction from the tiny bits of goodness that come out from time to time that feel like healing, like a release, which is another thing that thrills me when a women is crying after a strong emotional release. And then of course there is the mirrored suppressed aspects of myself I see inside them on the surface, these aspects want out and that's why this behaviour is so attractive to me, the universe basically telling me "you should be like them to make progress". And there is this thrill to entrust someone with my life and give my whole power to someone who is narcissistic because I believe in them and it feels exactly like the satisfaction from such an emotional release I see a tiny bit of their goodness presented towards me and it's so healing. amazing insights for me right here, thank you both a lot!
  13. I just recently had the realization that it's okay to be narcissist, that some people just are this way and rejecting and demonizing it is definitely not the correct way of going about it, even though I had some bad experiences with this in the past which lead me to really reject any of such attributes in myself even to the degree that I rejected my own self-love to some degree and I actually never in my life felt as whole as now, where I am working on accepting theses darker parts of myself. Now I've just finished watching the series "Killing Eve" and I noticed and had to admit that I am madly attracted to the psychopathic character Villanelle, when I didn't have this veil of rejection against this darkness anymore. After admitting this to myself I had to remember a women from like 4 years ago who I was texting with, she definitely was at the very least an extreme narcissist and possibly even a psychopath and to be honest never in my life did I feel as attracted to someone as to her even though we were just texting, I was so addicted that I would lay in my bad all day with such emotional tension in my body that I was literally shaking and just waiting for her replies, I didn't really figure at that time what this was all about but now it became kinda obvious to me that I am obsessed with these kinds of women and I am not really judging myself for this or anything, but in the end I am all about moving forward and doing the work necessary to do so and become the best version of myself. I guess this attraction stems from the fact that I have these really dark aspects inside of me always rejecting them, for these of you who are into astrology, I have AC scorpio with pluto in scorpio and also mars in leo as for the dark aspects. I am kinda conflicted as to what's next and also not sure yet how I unlock these aspects and if I really want to, but I kinda have to in order to progress. I don't really want to be a bad person at all and that's why I have been rejecting it all of my life, I tried my best to keep it shut but the floodgates are starting to give in and the darkness is at the doorstep knocking. I am scared of my own darkness. What do you think about this?
  14. So I have finally managed to stop porn for a longer period of time. After 25 days of abstinence I masturbated the first time though, without porn of course. I am at about 30 days now and have masturbated a few more times till now. I am kinda split between letting myself masturbate from time to time, because after all I don't want to completely repress my sexuality I want to be sexually healthy and being abstinent for years and years feels for me like simply ignoring a part of yourself, not integrating an essential part of yourself. What do you think? What would you recommend?
  15. So I took it upon myself to find out and the answer I got was simply cleansing tears. I would recommend.