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REFLECTIONS ON MY RELAPSE As I mentioned in the previous post, I had a relapse in my depression. It was fucking scary. I hadn't felt that way since last year. It's hell on Earth. No worldly problem can be compared with it. You just feel... hollow... and hopeless. It's as if I am the worst person in the world. All the vitality and joy were simply gone... Fortunately, I identified the possible cause: lack of good sleep. I had stopped taking quetiapine (sleep-inducing med). But after that episode, I told my psychiatrist that I'll be using this med for longer. I don't fucking care. In a way, this episode put some of my worries into perspective. I could clearly see how fucking stupid my "worldly" problems are. Again, nothing can be compared with mental illness. For example, my cat has died recently. It was really sad, and I'm still processing what happened. Yet, I want to feel the sadness and grief. It's a sign that I am alive. Now with depression... bleh... it's just nothingness. And the weirdest thing is that for a long time in my life I had gotten used to feeling that way, and I believed it was part of my personality or something. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Depression is an illness. And unfortunately, many people still doubt that it is actually a thing. I can speak from personal experience. It is like the difference between having the flu vs. not having the flu. The contrast is crystal-clear. But anyway, that episode lasted for 3 days. I'm glad that I have identified the trigger. (Apart from that, I am reading the book 21 Lesson for the 21st Century. Damn... it's blowing my mind, lol.)

Section 01. Introduction 1. Introduction 2-5-2020 01:54 2. How To Go Through This Program This is experimental, not theoretical. You have to go through it. It is a journey. · From scarcity to abundance · Let the exp take over · It is about inner exp Requirements for this program: 1. Awareness: see things different and global understanding 2. Proof: experimental part, inner exp is key, now you apply it 3. Permanence: how to make the change stay and explore your subconscious Two separate parts of this program · Guided morning and evening routine approach · Outer approach Section 02. Awareness 01. Get To The Cause · Paradigms(assumptions) are lenses/maps; how you see the world o You see the world as you are conditioned, not how it is o You are not aware of it · Main two paradigms is abundance/scarcity (think back to glasses/maps metaphor) o Your assumption is scarcity (not being enough, self-hate and stress) o You are not in the one or the other, this paradigm is a spectrum o Read 7 habits of highly effective people o Your paradigm determines what you see. It determines your reality. o And what you do and what you think enforces certain paradigms o Paradigms don't exist: internal models determine external model 02. Scarcity vs Abundance · It is not what you are doing, but where it comes from · You can do same thing but paradigm change makes the difference o Scarcity(reacting): from desperation, compulsion, from fear(working against yourself) o Abundance(generating): from inspiration, authentic (just happens because!) · Read power versus force o Effort is not a virtue o Less effort the more powerful it is o Effort takes energy out of you o It doesn't mean you do less: there is just less stress o Just let go/unleash ( remember: it is the place it is coming from) · This is source of addiction: o Desperation: you do something to run away from something (what are you running from? Let go from what you are running from) o Inspiration: why are you do something? You welcome everything, not resisting anything, no suffering o When you remove desperation you get inspiration o It is about the intention that should be good, not the urge. Urging anything won't get you anything. o You aren't the character in the game, you are the person who is playing the game. Enjoy the game. 03. The Goal 2-5-2020 13:52 · The goal = Oneness = abundance o there is nothing you can do to deserve it o it can't depend on anything o You have to start with abundance, it can't be learnt, it is assumed o It is a state, it is not in the game, it is before it · Don't wait until you get things in your life before accepting abundance o You can't have the good without the bad, be aware of that = enjoy the thing, don't depend on it · Abundance is about nonduality · Read the Kabalian 04. The Journey · This is journey of removing, not adding o Remove false paradigm of scarcity o It is not about knowledge o Learn by letting go, not holding onto o It is a state o Let go of all emotions: positive and bad · Having > doing > being · You have to be it, not do it · It is a default · It is pre-verbal / non-conceptual · Happiness is opposite of not being happy, let go of that cycle, go into nonduality 05. My Story · Julien escaped life of drinking, day dreaming, sleeping · Don't be stuck and fall into the same trap 1. Step 1: optimize to gain situational confidence a. But you are still acting within the old paradigm where you are stuck b. Optimizing your situation eliminates your excuses c. When you optimize you run away from something to something else d. Misery is your first teacher, dropping it is your second teacher 2. Step 2: drop paradigm a. You have to be ok with nothing, give up everything, come to this point of desperation b. When you are one step away from despair you are one step away from enlightenment c. There are different tools to optimize your life and eventually drop it d. You know you are ready for dropping when you have a state of relief after you dropped it 06. Commit To Abundance · If you don't feel resistance when you are improving yourself, you are doing something wrong o If you drop everything, inspiration is something that is natural, it comes natural o It should feel like a personal attack o It should feel like weight training · You will feel into nothingness and from there you will be "everythingness" = ego death o Be honest: everything you did didn't work o Be sick of it o Be authentic with yourself. How long you want to chase ghosts? How many disappointments you want to take? o Nothing you will get will make you happy; realize this (if you keep it up it will make the graving alive and you will keep stick in your paradigm) o Escapism is greatest problem of this world · There has to be willingness to commit to abundance o When you change the internal, the external will manifest o You can still enjoy the same things but it will come from a different place; you experience it like for the first time; you can finally enjoy life Section 03. Proof 01. How to Let Go · Letting go of false scarcity (and everything is built upon it, and reinforcing it) is the goal · Concentration exercises is good but it doesn't get to the cause. Julian is more about mindfulness(focus on what you are running from) · Recommendation: Pranic healing/breathing. David Hawking. Eckhart Tolle. · You have to experience abundance. That is only way to get it. · You can't figure it out or think of letting go. Detach from your mind/thoughts/emotions · Three steps: a. be aware b. Allow yourself to exp c. Let it come up 02. Step 1 - Be Aware Of What You Want To Let Go Off · Step 1: become aware/mindful · Focus on sensations. Don't focus on thoughts/emotions for this work. o When you focus on thoughts, that thought will lead to another thought and make that pattern in your mind stronger. o If you keep doing what you rae doing it will go on forever until you die · Sensations: tightness, tingling, breath o It is the data in your body, that your brain interprets and converts to thoughts/emotions o Sensations can be located it in your body, emotions can't o If you let go of sensations you can't let go of the associated thoughts/emotions o Learn body awareness 03. Step 2 - Allow Yourself To Experience It Fully · Step 2: allow yourself, accept it fully, don't get rid of it, experience it, don't make sense, don't validate, just feel it, don't suppress it, accept it, be with it unconditionally, don't change it, be with them, don't abandon them · It will change by itself by experience it · Don't do things to change your sensations: they mature by giving attention 04. Step 3 - Let It Come Up And Let It Out · Step 3: let them run their course and reach their natural end · They will disappear in nothingness, they will leave on their own, they want to leave but you are stopping them · Bring awareness to them with techniques · Relief will come which is a good sign 05. Guided Release · Pranic breathing is the method · There shouldn't be external distractions · Back straight, to stay alart · Place hands on lap, facing down · Just feel, don't resist experience them fully, stay with them, sink in with them, let them take over, tell them you are with them and be 1. Be aware of what you want to let go, feel into your body right now, visualize inner chatter, 2. Focus on root/basic chakra which is your base of your spine 3. Breath in from nose for 6 seconds, hold for 3, breath out for 6 out of mouth (maske ssssh sound and letting those sensations go Section 04. Permanence 01. The Subconscious Mind 03/05/2020 14:17 · Letting go gives you proof but it is still in your subconscious, if you want it permanent you need to dig and let it go subconscious · Conscious is on the surface which is 10%, subconscious is under the water which is 90% o If you are conscious of everything you wouldn't be able to survive o Things that are learnt will be stored in your subconscious o Something that can't be faced will be taken over by your subconscious: trauma's, grudges, wounds, beliefs and assumption o Subconsciousness is active if you want it or not o It is on repeat; the longer it is active the more momentum it has · Subconscious is in charge o Get to the cause o Be present o Let go of the assumption of scarcity o Let go off the subconscious shit o Whatever your resist, persists o Whatever you don't use, you lose o You won't do anything harmful to yourself consciousness, you do it unconsciousness o Be aware that subconscious will pull you back. It is stronger than the conscious. o You can't bullshit your subconsciousness: don't tweak the effects, tweak the cause o Subconscious is our friend, not our enemy, although now it is the other way around 02. Social Conditioning · There are acceptable things and unacceptable things by our society: unquestionable dogmas are the walls · There are first and second hand experience o Most of our info and what you accept as truth is second hand experience; info from other people · How certain they are · How aligned they are with it · How many people believe it · Then you accept it as valid although it isn't o Example of second hand exp forms your map of the world: · scarcity · You are not popular · Relationships are painful · Worst punishment: withdrawal of love o It formed you o Your parents didn't know better; don't blame yourself or your parents o You suppressed certain parts because of this; you don't have a memory of this · Birth of Ego: everything that is acceptable, and everything that is nonacceptable (self-hate for example) o You are the meanest people for yourself: you are abandoning your subconscious self, you don't know yourself fully, you kill self-trust because some parts are against you, repelling people because you are a fuckup, when you get it you will lose it 03. Pandora's Box · What is in your subconscious? o Unacceptable thoughts/emotions/traits/trauma's o Not all aspects are bad; they are just labelled that way o Example: being judged for hard laughter, being abandoned, being rejected/shocked/not being loved o You shouldn't laugh less than every two weeks o You won't remember trauma's most of the time; main theme repression · It can manifest into people pleasing, avoiding stuff, being afraid 04. The Process · Don't try to fix it (which means not accepting), accept it by not resisting so they don't get stuck o Accepting doesn't equal approving = validate it that it is there o Don't compensate by inflating ego by trying to get success o Understand your psyche as a whole; create an oneness o Going through it instead of repress it/deny it; head on approach · It is about dissolving the ego, not working on your ego. This how you create abundance/core-confidence · It is a click; being comfortable in your skin · Your default should be deserving 05. Opening Pandora's Box · It won't be pleasant but you are on the right path with trauma release o Let it take over; surrender to it; it will feel like death (ego death) o It is matter of where you invest in. Do you want to surrender/transcend or resist? · Let go of sensations: time * reps until sensations are gone o Things will go bad before it goes good; one step backwards, two steps forward o Trauma is there because you resisted it so experience it and let go of it o Feel whatever is; develop a taste for pain; let the ego melt · Put it into perspective; most stuff is not bad as it seemed · Law attraction angle: whatever is running in the background you attract o Take out momentum out of it o Bring awareness to it, don't think about it 06. Identifying The Subconscious · Step one is becoming aware of the trauma's so how do you become aware of trauma's? · There is no general list because it is different for everybody · Methods: a. Think back of your childhood: what were acceptable and what were unacceptable? What were family values? The repressed are the walls of the castle. b. Think back of returning patterns: What are your returning patterns in your life? There is no coincidences. Accept the suppressed otherwise you recreate situation until you self-accepted. You will be forced until you find a resolution. The scale of the situation might be the same but the underlying thing will be the same. i. The cause is the first traumatic experience (the media scandal is the effect of the original trauma for example) ii. Be aware how you recreate parental relationships in your life: what are you drawn to? And what do you avoid? Remove the cause c. Think back of when you are triggered: when did you react disproportional? It has to do with pain bodies (Eckhart Tolle). Examples of sensations: anger, fear, guilt, shame, rage, drama, addictive behaviour. It is signal of suppression. d. Think back of what you escape from: when did you escape something? Dive into the sensation. Examples of escapism: masturbation to escape, socializing, eating sleeping surf the web, putting up a front e. Think back of fear. When were you afraid? Get to the root. Let go of the resistance. Break the cycle. Examples: fear of being abandoned, FOMO, not being in control, not being accepted. · Follow the reaction to the source: cultivate awareness in the moment, catch it, take perspective and let it go o Take the momentum out of the reaction o It is not what triggered, it is what being stirred up, what is suppressed inside you? See the structure instead of the content o Breath into those sensations o Purposely trigger yourself o It is better to face it right now because with time the trauma will get worse 07. How To Let Go Of The Subconscious Mind · How to let it go which is step 3. Recap: Be aware of what you let to, dive into the sensations in your body (don't get stuck in the story in head head), follow it to the source, think back of the first time you felt this sensation. Repeat the question "when was the first time?" until you get to it. · Method o Don't force the process. Dissolve the resistance by relaxing your body and your mind. o Shame, fear and guilt should be the first pillars to remove before diving deeper into yourself. o Be aware of cues of your mind. There is no wrong path but don't think, just feel through it. It is about de-sensation. o Set and setting is important; verbalize safety to yourself o Ground yourself: base of your feet are roots going into the ground o Use pranic breathing o Accept and validate the sensation; fully and unconditionally o Be patient and invite the sensations to leave 08. Guided Subconscious Release · Place yourself in a safe environment without distraction. Let your subconscious know. · Put your spine straight and your palms on your legs · Visualize chatter box in your mind, change the location to the spine and moving down, lock the position · Operate from the base of your spine · Do 3 cycles of pranic breathing(first round): close your eyes, breath in for 6 seconds, hold for 3 seconds, release for 6 seconds, hold for 3, breath normal, repeat · Operate from the base of your spine but now also to the ground: visualize roots from your foot going deep in the earth, grounding you · Repeat 3 cycles of pranic breathing(second round): breath to the roots, breath in/out strengthen the grounded connection. Breath out with a "ssssh" sound to let the sensations out. · Feel the grounded connection afterwards · You are out of your head and in your body: breath into it o become aware of the sensations, let things come up if it wants to come up (distractions, fears or triggers). Let them take over. o Follow it to the source. Ask yourself what was the previous time I felt like this? Accept it fully and unconditionally o Now ask when was the first time you experienced this sensation. Let it come up. Put your awareness on it. Let go of resistence. o Stay with the sensations and let it come up. Don't label them. Don't try to understand. Surrender to it. Validate and accept it. Breath to it. Be with it. · Do another 3 cycles of pranic breathing(third round): letting go o Let it come up and let it go. Invite them to come up and let them run their natural course. Remind yourself that they want to leave but you are resisting it. o Experience the relief, embrace the experience of the new self. · Do the fourth round of pranic breathing: do it and come back, and afterwards put awareness of your surrounding 05. Conclusion 22. Conclusion · Now you know what letting go is (awareness), how to let go (proof), how to dig up, accept and reown in your subconcious (permanence), but how long does this take? How long before you get self-actualized? It is the wrong question. Leave the paradigm of succeeding. You are already there. It is in the now. · There is nothing to reach. Don't see it as a goal. You will never reach it. Give up by trying to reach it and you will be there. That is the journey. Let go of trying to get somewhere. · Even if you get there you will be afraid of losing it. Don't be too serious about it. It is not about perfectionism. Enjoy the moment. It is presence. · How much are you smiling? That is the indictator of success. It is not a sprint. It is a marathon. · Do it for the sake of doing it. Rediscover yourself. Be curious. · Let go the destination

This is the report of my last trip with LSD on May 22th of 2020. It was a very intense, somehow "bad tripping" experience and it has taken me some more effort than the normal to process all I went through. Here are some of the most interesting aspects, I how you enjoy reading it! Medicine: 175 ug of 1p-LSD Intention - What is God? - What is a Miracle? - What is my purpose in this life? - What is Telepathy? How does it works? The Trip I made some Kriya Yoga for an hour and at the end I took the medicine around 9:00 am. I started to feel the effects around 40 minutes after taking the medicine. I was sitting in the kitchen, as I was drinking some ginger tea I had a powerful mystical experience. The whole day was raining, however the room suddenly was very radiant full of light, I started to get very strong visual effects and as I was looking at both of my hands the illusion of self, of being apart from everything just dropped. Everything was pure white light around me, I could not see anything else. I was as if I had imploded, I became pure radiating Love. It was so miraculous being so present everywhere and anywhere, Absolute Infinity. Everything made perfect sense during that moment, as I realized that the present moment was everything that ever was, that ever will be and that ever is, that I AM. I cried because of this realization, that God is Infinite Creativity, Infinite Love, its Everything and its ME. No words make justice to describe the indescribable. As I started to feel the effects of the medicine getting stronger, I went to the room to lie down on the bed. And then it hit me like a train at full speed. It was as if I got connected to a stream and I started to get all kind of epiphanies and realizations, as if somebody was talking direct to me. At one moment it said: "Call me however you want to call me, God, Father, Consciousness, you know who I am, you have always known who I AM." It was as if I got connected to a second order level of consciousness where everything made perfect sense, I could see what I have done in past lives, what I was meant to do during this life and what I would do in future lives. It was more like remembering who I am and remembering all this stuff. At one moment I saw as I where a huge energy tree and that with every "trip" I am sort of building some sort of bridge between the dimension of reality I am used to and other new dimensions I am getting to know. And that somehow this was something very important I had to do during this lifetime. I could not tell the difference between having the eyes open or closed, between imagining something or the reality as I am used to be. This, together with the connection with the stream of messages with the Higher Consciousness started to freak me out. I started to think that I was really losing, but I also got scared because I would not know the difference if I was imagining jumping out of the window or doing it for real. And as I was tripping alone (even though this was not the first time) I just could not calm myself down. It was as something was wrong, or something could go really wrong if I just let go, and my ego was resisting very hard. As I could get lost in a Strange Loop and become crazy mad. I did everything I know to try to calm me down, but realizing that everything is a dream, an illusion was something that my ego was not being able to accept very easy as I experiencing during the trip. So I called a friend, just to get the illusion of being in control and doing something I am used to do, and to get the illusion of other. We talked for 20/30 minutes and I managed to calm down. I was moving in the room as I was talking but I could not feel the body. I was seeing like a bubble of consciousness moving with me, but outside of this bubble everything was just nothing, pure Nothingness. The most interesting thing however, is that as we where talking on the phone, I realized like on a meta-level that I was creating the whole thing in real-time, the illusion of me being in panic, the illusion of other (this friend), the mobile phones and telecommunication systems, the room, the floor, every fucking thing I AM! After this call I could calm down a little and continue tripping, I also realized that I had barely hit the two hour mark and that I had a long hard trip before me. As I could not completely let go of the illusion of fear, I lied on the floor, and tried to remain in an open position. I had all kind of crazy visions, like seeing at my hands and having like twenty fingers on each one. I realized how I project my shadow on external things, and how until that moment I was always "thinking" that something external is the source of this shadow. It was as if I could turn around and see me completely as I am, with all the fears and things that I can not accept about myself. Later after seven or perhaps eight hours of experiencing madness the ego started to reassembly more and I ate something and went for a walk in the forest. This helped me start recounting the trip and release all a lot of energy. Finally, on the evening night I was able to sit down very peacefully and in total surrender, for two hours or so. Conclusions In retrospective, I see that my ego was generating all of this fear and resistance and that: I should probably had to go deeper into this madness. However, I just could not do it during that moment, it felt so hard to let go. And this is fine, something you are able to push through but sometimes it is better to hold on. This only gives me the courage to keep on doing this work. It also allowed me to accept me more as I am, to be more genuine with myself and with what I really want to be. I already had some glimpses to realize that everything is a dream, but this is by far the most direct experience I have had into the Truth. It is possible to communicate with God, in fact we are always doing this because we are all One and we are all God. It is true that every awakening is always the greatest awakening, because we are always expanding more and more, forever infinitely. Being able to realize the Truth is not always the sweetest of thing you will experience, but it is every moment of pain and craziness worth it! As always thanks to the great community of Actualized.org and @Leo Gura for his great teachings and amazing content! Thanks for reading and for the comments!

He explains it well but I don't agree with his preference. Mindful meditation being aware when a thought or feeling arises, acknowledging it is there and letting it disappear. In Burmese Therveda (Vipassana) this is done by "noting" A thought comes you label it "thought " this makes it pass easily. You are not listening to the thought's issue. You are watching what your mind does naturally. It has thoughts and feelings. You act like an outside observer so these thoughts and feelings may pass quickly and there there is a short nothingness in between which you experience. Another thought arises, then it falls. You don't cling to them. You are not trying to solve problems. You are letting go of thought. They come and then they go. This trains you not to be reactive to the automatic way that thoughts and feelings come in to you head and at the same time experience the stillness between the thoughts. You don't try to stop the thoughts. You become aware of them in order not to cling to them, you notice "there's that one again" . You are not trying to solve a problem, you can do that when you are not meditating. You are learning not to fear these things, to have a set period of time where they do not bother you. You may still feel bother by one. Note feeling bothered and move on. Do Nothing meditation Zen mediation is often the above type, Mindful meditation, being aware of one's breath, and thoughts how they rise and fall and paying attentions to one's breath which also rises and falls and has it's natural irregularities. However certain practitioners have also mentioned "do nothing" meditation. This is similar to mindful meditation, for given amount of time you sit with back straight and do nothing bu there is no there requirement other than you don't try to do anything. Self Inquiry you ask yourself "who am I" ? You turn inward to ask "who is doing the questioning" . There is no one at the bottom of that. Again you feel there is, again "who am I"? This is internal you are not focusing on random thoughts you are focusing on this question. Where are the thoughts and feelings coming from? Who is really having them? Is there anything really there? Concentration meditation (Samatha tranquility meditation) you decide on something to focus on, a random word or set of words repeated over and over again with eyes closed (vocalizing optional) or with eyes open on a candle or a visual point. Your mind drifts and then you remind your self of the focal point. You are not trying to be aware of things , thoughts and feelings to train your self no to be reactive to them like in mindfulness. And you are not asking yourself who you are. You have selected a random focal point and are using concentration to keep your attention there repetitiously. This leads to tranquility and focusing ability , like a baby been rocked to awakeness. Transcendental mediation is one of the forms of this type. Also similar to prayer and devotion Trance, repetitious sensory stimulus is used, sometimes sound and music, sometimes body movement, , could include intense breathing techniques or hallucinogens, sometimes done with other people or shamanic guides. Varying combinations of these things This is to inspire visionary experience and changes in physical perception and mystical experiences

Mm. In the relative field it's all about relationship, but there are dimensions of nothingness, which few know, except sometimes in bed, where it's just quiet and peaceful and impersonal.

God is a concept pointing to a self aware infinite consciousness experience that appears in This. You can't have this, it is already. Notice that consciousness of the infinite can happen but is not a permanent "thing." All appearances are temporary. It's formlessness forming, you can't have this, there is just this. It is totally complete and whole in it's very nature, because it is all there is. There is not-two, expecting something else than this is what keeps you in a state of seperation, searching for an experience that is yet to come that will end your search. THIS IS THE END OF THE SEARCH. Notice that the end of the search will never come in the future, you are searching for the end of the search, the end of the search must by definition already be the case. The search is hopeless. This is COMPLETE nothingness appearing as THIS. There is just what is happening. Show me something else!

Thank you for the link! And I agree that spiritual awakening implies a lot more than ego death and being aware of what reality 'is'... or repeating like a dumb parrot that everything is the way it is. This is some serious shit which transcends the human abilities and understanding. Awakening is when you become God and conquer death like a true God, not when you accept nothingness like a powerless human being... because "hellaaaawww you're finite and it's all Maya". Who the fuck says that I'm finite?

It's one of the main Thereveda Vipassana techniques usually called "noting" , Burmese method of mindful meditation This is no more boring and tedious than many other sitting meditation methods. The harder, like push ups, the more development, with consistent routine, building mental self awareness "muscle". for instance having to deal with boredom and any unpleasantness that might arise, negative thoughts, physical discomfort, external sounds-distractions. And often interspersed with feelings of tranquility and peace, all of these things which naturally rise in the mind and then learning not to cling to any of them, they rise and then fall, noting this "labeling" it disappears a pause of nothingness and something else rises, then falls. This leads to awareness and clarity becoming aware of the minds automations and emotions begging for attention. However If one becomes attracted to enraptured sensory experiences, sometimes with a shamanic guide, ritual music, body movements, in some cases hallucinogens then we can predict what may happen when someone then returns to mindful meditation, sitting still, it could become that much more "boring" in contrast. The question becomes can one deal with one's own demons when there are no other worlds to escape to? It's not easy. Some people have different goals VIDEO Shinzen, Noting pt 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StBTuX0tqU8 Shinzen, Noting pt 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGcpzuHgrQk ______________________________________________________________

Hello everyone, Last 3 months i have been working on awareness. Every time, I recognize that i am running by thoughts, i dropped it, did 10 push-ups and be aware of the moment. It is super boring, but, it is just a thought Results are crazy, i feel more less within the body, feel timeless, days and nights are too long ( it feels like they never start even time), meaning of duality fades away slow by slow, and additionally i got 3 times satori moments, which directly opens my vision and convince me this is completely dream. Satori moments are perfect glimpses to get rid of the thoughts. Because, it is just so clear, 1 second completely out of so called reality. As much as i get rid of the thoughts, nothingness increase, which includes full love. I can clearly see that love is not a feeling, it is the source. Thoughts are prison. Infinite love is outside of the thoughts. And the wall is so thin. If you love more, it will be more thinner. We can never be able to control what will happen to body, we just try to protect it with thoughts. But nothing is under control. You just need to think a moment when it is necessary and body do the rest. I just gave up anymore. Whatever is going to happen to body, it will. I am going to completely surrender. Love is right outside.

@Kalki Avatar i believe, most enlightened people are who is the most aware of the moment, which needs long term (years) isolation. Additionally if you want to follow beautiful path (love). Therefore, I would recommend you Rumi. Best ever. You will be love drunk Additionally once you are awake, you are awake, there is no higher or lower enlightened state. We all had the same experience, but only love and awareness make you stay higher level of consciousness and more nothingness in the moment.

Well my friend. Yes, let's get real. Non-duality means not one, not two, not nothing, not form, not emptiness, not this, not that. Neti neti neti neti neti. When I write "God" , "Self" it is just how I feel it resonantes most with what I feel I am. I don't actually feel like a self with any desires. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I am. I can call it God / Self / Consciousness / Nothingness but all labels miss the actual point. The Godhead naturally cannot know itself. Just like teeth cannot bite itself. Like eyes can't see themselves. Like a hand can't hold itself. So I know that I don't know myself. I don't know what I want. I have faith that whatever happens is what I want. I trust the Universe and in that sense I'm just a wave in an infinite ocean being pushed by that. But I don't resist it. I have let go completely. And that is probably the best definition of enligthenment. A complete letting go. Another definition of the true nature of reality -- instead of "God" , "Self" -- could be that it is a musical thing. There exist no things. Only patterns. Only music. Only the dance. Reality is an infinitely complex musical happening with no beginning and no ending. I am that. I am music. <3 Yes, instead of saying I'm God or The Self I could as well say I'm the Spaghetti Monster and it would be just as true. I don't know what I am, and I'm fine with that. If you can be truly fine with that, truly rest in not-knowing, then you are free. Love <3 oh last thing "There is nothing left to adopt another concept of what I was, it was just recognized to be nothing, which was always the case." No, you are not nothing. You can't say what you are. As long as you believe yourself to be X or Y, i.e. "nothing", "God" , "emptiness", "Self", "Consciousnes" you are not there yet. I like saying I'm God and that everything is God. I'm just playing around: I'm fully aware that language can't grasp actual truth. :-) Language is a dualistic invention. A game God is playing =) Best of luck to you God.

@JayG84 truth includes everything thats why it is nothingness or formless. So whatever you believe it happens within the truth. Your beliefs are something, which is exist within everything.

It might take a long time, but I find it exiting how multiple “disciplines” seem to be moving closer to a common knowing. https://iai.tv/articles/a-universe-of-nothingness-auid-1557

Blackholes point out nothingness, all is one there as nothing. They just dont know how to approach it. Additionally, speed if light points out all the time is happening at the same time, which is the moment. So if they know how to approach the moment they will figure it out. Even math describes it, 1/infinite = 0, so 0= +- infinite, infinite = +- 0 even math disproves itself. Science just will get that they can not prove the existence with material (because it is not exist). But they can understand the what existence is with scientific drugs (5 meo, shrooms, lsd, dmt). They can never prove it because it is unexplainable. Science never say we can prove the god, because science is exist under control of religion in first place. Because they accepted in first place god is all knowing.

More random insights: - Leo's simple rule for acing life -- always doing the most emotionally difficult thing in any given situation -- is only partially true. Like all dualities, difficult-easy is ultimately one and the same thing: Love. The insight to be gained here is to see that everytime a person does something 'emotionally easy', like ordering a pizza or watching Netflix, they do it because they are not 'whole' inside. They play PC-games, have sex, watch porn, eat junk-food, stay on social media on their phone, watch cat-videos, because they can sense they are not whole, and that 'sensing of not-wholeness' does NOT feel nice! And when they then do these 'easy activities' -- often unhealthy physically and mentally -- they momentarily forget that unpleasent sensation and get lost in what they are doing (watching cat videoes for example). They temporaiily forget themselves. It's symptomp-relief. Like giving a depressive person SSRi. It works, but not really. It doesn't *solve* the actual root issue of not feeling 'w-h-o-l-e'. Which is funny, cos' then you see it is God forgetting -> human forgetting -> lost in the moment of doing the easy activity -> relief/temporarily in some kind of God-consciousness (no worries) -> as soon as the activity stops (you realize you have to make dinner to yourself and get some sleep, so you close the YouTube-app on your phone) you get back to egoic consciousness of not feeling whole (but instead feeling lost and separate as this "poor little me"-body-mind-person). When you finally become 100% whole -- like I have become -- you can still do all kinds of "easy" "unhealthy" activites but you do it out of your own free will and not out of not feeling whole, cos you already feel whole! It's like a ice cream cone. Most people are cones with not enough ice inside the cone. They are not whole (i.e. they don't know they are God, i.e. they have not enough Self-Love in their body-mind-vessel). Therefore they do all kinds of activities to temporarily fill up the cone with icecream. But the ice melts again because it's warm outside. And you don't realize that the warmth around you is yourself. I.e. it is yourself melting your icecream away. hahahaha . Anyway when you finally become whole/enlightened it's like you are a ice cream cone filled up with ice that cannot melt anymore. You are harmony itself. Basically my point is, when you see your God, you also see that the "easy thing to do" and the "hard thing to do" are one and the same thing. hahaha <3 It's one. You've always done the right thing, cos you've been God all the time, and God never makes mistakes, only on purpose, but then it's not a mistake per defintion. xDDDDDDDDDD - I think many people, when they hear the words "It's all me, it's all my doing. I'm God and everything is God. When my mom knocks on my door it's myself knocking on my own door" they sort of believe that I mean this only in some symbolic sense, and that I truly still differentiate between "myself" and "my mother" (or any other stranger who might knock on my door for some reason). But listen up: No I don't. Haha. The most true thing to say with our language is to say that my mom knocking on my door is myself knocking my own door. I am my mother. I am everyone. I am God. - Language is a funny thing. Language is a technology. We have created languages in the West where we have nouns and verbs. Nouns do verbs. Things "do". But in actuality this is just a game we're playing. A language game. There are no things in reality. There is only patterns. The music. Reality/God can best be described as an infinitely complex endless musical happening. There are truly no actual "things" in the world. Only doings. Only dance/music/patterns/vibrations. On/off , on /off, on/off. Look at a river or a candle burning. That river or that candle can teach you everything about reality if you study it deeply enough. Cos you can easily see in a river that the river is not a thing. There is no river! Just flow. Same goes for the candle burning in the wind. - picture yourself setting in your living room and 2 meters south from is a chair with your friend sitting on it. You will be tempted to say "I am here and 2 meters from me is my friend, there". But may I ask, what about the 2 meters of space between 'you' and 'friend' ??? See, most people -- cos they are surviving machines -- only focuses on what is essential to their own survival, biological and socially. They filter everything else out. For example space. Literal space. For most people space doesn't exist. It's not a thing. It's "nothingness". It's non-being. Which is just a plain stupid line of thinking, if you think about it Because these 2 meters of space between 'you' and 'your friend' is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL in order for you to even have a concept of yourself and 'friend'. Without the space between yourself and your friend there wouldn't be any friend sitting over there. The space is essential. So the duality, space--things, must also collapse. Space and things are One. You can't have one without the other! Just like foreground and background! Like the front of a a bike and the back of a plain regular bike. if you cut the bike in half and say "here is the front of the bike" and "here is the back of the bike", you are right. But where is the bike now? It's gone. Because you need the front and the back together to get the bike. Also realize to say "this is the front of the bike" and "this is the back of the bike" is only possible because you already have a concept of what an actual bike is. If you went to an alien and said "here is the front of the bike" and "here is the back of the bike" he would look at you and ask "what the fuck is a bike?". In EXACTLY the same way you need space and things TOGETHER, ALWAYS, in order to know what space and things is. "Space" and "things" arise simultaneously. You can't have one without the other. It's all one! The same infinite complex musical pattern/happening! Love! The Tao! You see, just by using common sense I have now shown you that 'you' and 'other' are the same Oneness/Self. You and your friend sitting 2 meters away from you are identical, one, the same. No difference. The Self imagining itself to be separate beings. That's all there is happening. Doing it out of Love to Itself. You can't have one without the other. This goes for everything. Light, darkness, life, death. Yet many people consciously or unconsciously believe that it is possible to have one without the other. They believe it is: - possible to have things without space - possible to have space without things - possible to have 'self' without 'other' - possible to have 'other' without 'self' - possible to have 'life' without 'death' - possible to have 'death' without 'life' Also look at the problem of free will and the problem of personality. An ordinary person will say it was his doing if he hammers a nail into his wall. "I hammered the nail into my wall". If the next day a lightning strikes down into his house and puts in on fire, he will say "There was a thunderstorm today that stroke a lightning right down and burned my house to the ground. Poor fucking me! I hope my insurance will pay" . A truy awake person would say: "I consciously hammered this nail into this wall yesterday and today I somehow managed to unconsciously put my house on fire by making a lightning strike down on it from the thunderstorm". hehe. You see, the differentiation between what you call "your own conscious voluntary will" and "something that happens to me" is actually pretty arbitrary. This duality must also collapse. It's all your doing. Or it is not your doing at all. Haha In another sense it's not arbitrary. It's linked to survival. You make the distinction between 'your own doing' and 'what happens to me' because it makes you exist as a person. And you need to survive, you are programmed to survive. That's your ego. Your ego = believing you are a 'poor little me' somehow stuck in a hostile environment. This duality of free will vs not-free-will is what in fact creates your sense of personality/false self. You see, if everything was your own free will, you wouldn't exist as a person anymore, but only as God/Love. This is what happens momentarily during peak mystical experiences / psychedelic peak experiences. And this is also what happens when you die. You become Infinite Freedom, infinite Love, God, Infinite Wholeness, Oneness. And if everything wasn't your free will at all, then you wouldn't exist as a person anymore, but only as Nothingness. This is where "you were" before you were born. Or at least before you imagined yourself as a "human poor little me" (happens probably around age ~2, cos this is where children start to have self-image of themselves as existing independently of the outside world, haha). Nothingness = God = Love <3 <3 <3

Try to imagine what is outside the universe, or what atoms are made out of; what existed before the beginning of time, or where you will go after you die. Try to get a sense that this nothingness is always present or atleast inevitable. If fear arises, that means you're on the right track.

Because, you can never die, you are keep transforming form to form, but you are aware all the time. You are nothing (your ground) thats why you are everything (human, will experience cat, chair to infinite). Ground of everything is nothing. Thats why you wont die, body will die. You are the ENTIRE PROCESS. Whatever you is you which is nothingness, you are happening in front of your eyes. thats the reason why you are already enlightened, you are just having a confused version of infinite. Whatever you do is perfect. Every second you are transforming. Your hair, personality, thoughts, relations. Even body dies, it transformed into grass, air or ashes. But whatever you do you take infinite form of infinite. Thats why your true nature is nothing. Because your true nature is your manifestation of all forms thats includes everything. You will experience nothingness and take form again. Non stop. Till infinity. You will just experience different feeling than body (like peeing and breathing), and you will realize all the time you werent in the body, you were the thing that aware of the body, and you will get being in this body is dream. You are not here.you are here as nothing. Entire process i nothing. Right in front of you.

Because, you can never die, you are keep transforming form to form, but you are aware all the time. You are nothing (your ground) thats why you are everything (human, will experience cat, chair to infinite). Ground of everything is nothing. Thats why you wont die, body will die. You are the ENTIRE PROCESS. thats the reason why you are already enlightened, you are just having a confused version of infinite. Whatever you do is perfect. Every second you are transforming. Your hair, personality, thoughts, relations. Even body dies, it transformed into grass, air or ashes. But whatever you do you take infinite form of infinite. Thats why your true nature is nothing. Because your true nature is your manifestation of all forms thats includes everything. You will experience nothingness and take form again. Non stop. Till infinity.

We will see, thank you Just to refer to your earlier point. Simply because they are one in the same. The paper ticket is as real as the character receiving it. Hence the synonymous relationship. They only appear divided until the ticket is received from which they then become one again. Consciousness is nothingness and so is a psychedelic experience. However, the mind has obscured this singularity by ascribing them different values since they appear relative and different through the lens of mind. Once the mind, the “I” realises its categories are illusory the “self” creating the division will dissolve and the psychedelic state becomes just as synonymous to the nothingness of consciousness.

Hello my friends. Last 4 days i am having crazy satori moments. Days and nights are becoming too long. I am being so aware normally even during the day. 4 nights ago i was meditating and become giant mind, which is my room. Because it was right in front of me. I close my eyes i was nothing, because it was right in front of me. I was the moment thats it. My brain transformed to infinite mind, i can see why i dont die. Because, i am my room, eyes dont see. Every molecule of my room or whatever i am aware of me otherwise it doesn’t exist. No time, life, nothing exist here. It is so quite. Just me happens here thats why i watch the body. People are human because they just believe they are human and body (born, can see, die) thats it. I believed i am god i have become. Thats why i am infinite whatever I believe iam. Because of that i am nothing. I am aware of you guys but life exist as me. Death can not happen because every process is me. This so called world or us is nothing, or whatever we do it doesn’t change anything , because it happens within nothingness , so nothingness can never change. I am exist as nothing but aware and everything but aware. I cant see as human anymore, whatever i see is me, my thoughts are me thats why i cant think and i am aware of just me. I am not living now, last 2-3 days. Life is not happening, just me. Even table moves or my arm all process is me it doesn’t change anything. This is so effortless, i can see why thinking makes you so tired, you spend more effort to become enlightened (with thoughts) than they are supposed to be thats why people cant get it. It is right here the moment. What am i going to do now? Used the body will it is so called dies or just be witness? I feel if I meditate more, i will just continue to meditate. There is no effort that you even sleeping you have to breathe, that you is just being. Because of just being, it doesn’t need anything. Last 4 days everytime I meditate i just stop. I dont know how can i explain that but everything is stopped. There is no time here or death or thought or sound. I cant see anything just me. What do you guy think? Life is not fading away, meanings are fading away that why life is not happening. Additionally, I explained these because i dont even want to write, I didn’t need it. I forced myself to write. Additionally, i know it is permanent, because it is in me like an ego. Stays with me. Cant get rid of it anymore. “The moment “. Right in front of you.

That's already not true because many people on the forum have already taken psychedelics in dreams. And many other points on the list are also not that difficult like: figuring out the root cause of diseases, whole body orgasms, talking with guides and aliens, doing magick which affects your physical life and projecting to our physical dimension. These should be very attainable. The other points are more difficult though. The dreamed up substance is of course not the same as a real psychedelic and it itself doesn't cause a mystical experience, it's one's expectation. It doesn't matter whether a dream psychedelic is like one from real life. The important thing is whether it can give you a mystical experience. God can be accessed from every dimension, including the physical, the astral and dreams. So If you have the expectancy that the psychedelic will get you there then it will. And if you dream up for example LSD and expect it to have the same effects as real LSD, it will. It won't be from real LSD, but what's the difference? Though an issue could be that you imagine Nothingness/Love/God rather than experiencing the actual thing. But it is certainly possible to get to the real thing, so if you are aware of the issue and are good at OBEing, it shouldn't be too much of a problem. And perhaps it isn't a problem at all, and you automatically get to the actual 'thing'.

Lucid dreams are a kind of OBEs. Dreams don't happen in your brain or inside you, while APs are outside and real. If you have an AP you project your consciousness to a place that was already there. It exists independently of you and you usually see other real beings. When you dream you project your consciousness also to a 'real place' but it's void. Its like you project into an empty soup, a kind of nothingness. So there is nothing independent there, so your subconscious creates an environment. That's because you are constantly projecting energy outward and it manifests as whatever is going on in your subconscious. If you practice energetic containment, as taught by John kreiter, you can reverse that process. You stop radiating energy outward, thus the environment fades away till you are in a kinda nothingness. This all takes place at a real 'place'. Therefore it is possible to visit other people's dreams or be visited by spirits or aliens in your dreams. So your dreams aren't private. And there is no hard line between AP and a dream. There can be already a bit of an independent scene, and you add your projections. So it becomes a mix of independent environment and your projections. Though I assume that most dreams are purely your subconscious creation. But John Kreiter says that they are (often) real worlds that will continue to exist and evolve after you end your dream, but I haven't fully understood that yet. What happens if you take psychedelics in 'real' life? Love/Consciousness/God is always here, but most people don't recognize it, like trying to see yellow when wearing red glasses. Psychedelics make you see what was always there. Dreams don't exist within this physical reality. They exist paralell to physical reality. So when dreaming you are just as close to Source as in waking life (or closer). So when you have a deep psychedelic trip in a dream, you probably don't imagine it but experience the actual thing as if you were taking psychedelics in real life. In real life psychedelics work by changing your brain chemistry. In dreams they work through expectation. So it is helpful if you already had mystical experiences. But it isn't necessary. It's enough that you have some theoretical knowledge about enlightenment or just try to genuinely find out what Reality is made of. And therefore you don't really need psychedelics in dreams, you could just do some kind of self-inquiry but psychedelics are probably more powerful because you know how powerful they are and therefore will probably get you deeper.

Great work! This is magnificent. You are one of the few who truly see through the invariably deceptive illusion of solipsism. When there is no ego seperate from reality, all is real and all is you. Nothing is secondary, all is part of you, therefore real. Solipsism is the illusory belief that the ego-mind is real and nothing else is. But there is no ego-mind that projects a world. Ego-mind and the world is created from the one infinite consciousness. All is I and all is one. That’s why terms that are not indicative of a personal pronoun are sometimes preferred. Such as: consciousness, infinity, nothingness, emptiness, oneness, non-duality etc. These terms essentially mean all there exists is the one reality. Loneliness cannot prevail when there is no subject/object relation. Loneliness requires duality. When duality, self and other collapse so too does the very notion of aloneness. Great insights!

@Inliytened1 i am conscious of it. But more of it, makes me unconscious about here or you. Because i am fully awake those moments. Body is just moving, at least i feel the body. But i am at the position, which is full nothingness or everything is too much me. I cant move, but body does with the environment, i am just the watcher, but not here.

The only difference (if it could be called that) between this transmission quoting Ramana and the one conveyed on this thread are the choice words used such as Consciousness,True Self, Higher Self, Infinity and so on... reason being, it still sounds dualistic as in there is something or someone that has attained this Consciousness or Higher Self/True Self realization. Of course these are the limitations of language which is dualistic in nature... it really depends on how the words are perceived. In fact listening to this video it actually sounds like the way that Consciousness and True Self are being used are just pointers to what apparently appears after Awakening which is everything that appears AKA THIS!! An empty fullness; a pregnant nothingness; its real and unreal. It is what it is... there is no meaning purpose or value to any of it because there is no one here for it to matter for ❤