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That’s a very good question. I have the same experience. That is why I say the self is much deeper than belief. Why do you believe you exist? Because it seems like you do, the belief doesn’t come from nothing it’s based on a deeper sense. The sense of “I’m here the world is out there” . What it is exactly is hard to say. It’s not like other beliefs like Santa Claus or aliens, it’s based on something that is fundamental to your everyday experience. the most fundamental beliefs are “I’m here” and “there is something” I would say. They go hand in hand, if you feel like you exist , then there automatically is a world (something) separate from you . Some non dualists even say when the sense of self disappears, the sense of a separate world does too, that’s why they say “nothing is happening” or “nothingness”

Might be true for some, but a few seem to me genuine non dualists, like Tony parson and Jim Newman. When I listen to them it seems they are speaking directly from that nothingness.

So I had a very strong Lsd flashback yesterday... I get this from time to time and they feel even deeper and stronger than a standard acid trip. Yet it was the first time I had this experience after having my last awakening so I was extra conscious. Let me lay some foundation for what I became conscious of: A point is a position which has no volume, it is in a cense "empty". But it can still move - change its position. What I became conscious of was that all of my experience was made of nothing that .. Moves. It was shown to me visually as well as mentally I have seen a pattern across all of my experience... A pattern at the heart of which was nothingness. It was as if Nothingness looked like something at first glance, yet if you examine it to its core you find the nothingness within. And so I got the realization that moving Nothingness looks like something, and that is why reality moves and changes constantly. If there was no motion and change Nothing will not be able to be recognized. Let me know your thoughts , and if you think Its just a delusion I'm open to that possibility as I still struggle to understand how Nothing can move. Have an awesome evening Daniel.

@James123 🙏 Only nothingness can hold everything 🙏

A big portion of them are deluded af. Some had glimpses of samadhi and absorbtion into nothingness where there is no sense of separation. But nobody can function in the world without identity because of what I just wrote above. One needs a sense of self to be able to relate to the sense of other. No relating is possible without duality.

That's why it is called nothingness. Therefore, explaining as .

Exactly the same as you described. I had experienced it a lot in childhood. With age, it decreases. This shows that it's completely biological (just like music or orgasm, some idiot may say orgasm is spiritual just because it feels so good....) You experience something (let's say you realise mu or nothingness...then it can be called as spiritual). This "Sound of silence" you talked about in your thread ....has no spiritual significance. It's only biological. This is what I am emphasizing here. It's due to brain chemistry. Lemme be very clear : by spiritual, I mean the so-called paranormal phenomena. Orgasm isn't paranormal. In the same way, "sound of silence" isn't paranormal. I just wanted to know your opinions whether you agree or not. Likewise, we can also say "light of darkness". Becoz we see some kind of light in darkness too. But It's not a spiritual phenomenon. Some spiritual teachers teach about "sound of silence", which is misleading. It's not a spiritual phenomenon. Beware of such teachers. They are scientifically as well as philosophically bankrupt. I am talking about a YouTuber Sandeep Maheshwari (28 million subscribers). He teaches such concepts.

@Javfly33 I'm listening to the greatest minds in history. Not to psychedelic junkies, when you go and have 200 trips in 2 years it's because your running from something in the real world. Here’s how Jean-Paul Sartre, Albert Einstein, and Carl Jung might reacted to Solipsism. Jean-Paul Sartre: Sartre, as an existentialist, was not a solipsist. In his major work, "Being and Nothingness", he talks about "the Other" and how relationships with other people are essential for the development of the self. Sartre believes that we are aware of the existence of others, and our experiences are shaped by interactions with them, which contradicts Solipsism. Because people here who don't know basic psychology claim to be woke. You can have traumas before you were born. The anigdala starts to record emotions from the 5 month of pregnancy, if you mom was beaten or stressed all that cortisol fluids the fetus brain and he feels shock and terror, what the mother feels the baby feels. You could be born to perfect parents but still develope anxiety just for this reason. Because when you were born your body existed, but you Solipsistic view of the world did not. You didn't exist, but your Amigdala did. This is holistic healing. All the people going hardcore on 5 meo are Solipsists. Maybe because it lies to you. As I've said in a previous post, we create our egos in relationship with the surrounding environment in the first 2 years of life, not with a projection of your mind. Although Sartre emphasizes the radical freedom of the individual and personal responsibility, he does not deny external reality. Others are not mere projections of our minds, but represent an essential part of the human condition. Albert Einstein: Einstein, as a physicist, would have rejected solipsism from a scientific perspective. His theory of relativity and scientific discoveries are based on the hypothesis that there is an objective reality, accessible through scientific methods. He believed in an external world independent of our perception, governed by physical laws that can be understood through observation and experiment. For Einstein, solipsism was a limiting view, as it contradicts the fundamental principle of science, which requires testing hypotheses against a universe that is objective and shared by all observers. Carl Jung: Jung, a psychoanalyst and founder of analytical psychology, would have seen solipsism as a problematic idea, especially from the perspective of the collective. He developed the concept of the collective unconscious, which suggests that there are deep layers of the psyche shared by all people, with common archetypes and universal experiences. This contradicts solipsism, as Jung believed that the individual is not only connected to their own self but also to a shared psychic reality. While Jung emphasized introspection and inner development, he did not deny external reality and its influences on the human mind. So relax with your 5369 trips per year. You're just getting lost in illusions.

@Ulax This tells me you didn't read Sartre. Here are some key characteristics of Jean-Paul Sartre that align with the "yellow" level in Spiral Dynamics: 1. Existential Responsibility: Sartre emphasized individual responsibility in shaping one’s existence, recognizing that humans have the freedom to create meaning in a world without inherent purpose. This aligns with the "yellow" value of self-awareness and personal responsibility. 2. Systems Thinking: Sartre’s philosophy considers the complexity of human relationships and societal structures. His analysis of how individuals interact with social systems, such as in Being and Nothingness, reflects the systems-oriented thinking typical of "yellow." 3. Non-Dogmatic Thinking: Sartre rejected absolute truths and ideologies, focusing instead on the dynamic, evolving nature of existence. This open-mindedness and rejection of rigid thinking correspond to "yellow's" adaptive, flexible approach to understanding the world. This is why I reject some of Leo's episodes, because at yellow you realise that every perspective is just that, a perspective. And no perspective is universally applicable. 4. Focus on Freedom and Authenticity: Sartre’s emphasis on living authentically and embracing personal freedom aligns with the self-actualizing aspect of the "yellow" level, which values autonomy, self-expression, and authenticity without the constraints of societal norms or group pressures. 5. Integration of Paradoxes: Sartre was comfortable with the contradictions inherent in life, such as the tension between freedom and responsibility, individualism and interconnectedness. This capacity to integrate complexity is characteristic of the "yellow" stage, which seeks to embrace rather than resolve paradoxes. Sartre’s philosophical emphasis on autonomy, self-awareness, and the complex interaction between individuals and society makes him an excellent fit for the "yellow" level in Spiral Dynamics. Also Sartre used language as I've never seen before. It's really beautiful. And as for Schopenhauer yes you describe Schopenhauer philosophy as Joseph Campbell right here. But that's the thing is just another perspective. And if Joseph Campbell praises Schopenhauer I feel like it's a mistake to judge him. For me Yellow feels exactly like the Ego softening you get from MDMA. (I've never tried it again in the last 3 years). Like you can talk about anything, no skeletons in the closed, no fear and judgment. I'm stuck between green and yellow. Sometimes I'm fearless and I have no judgment and then I get a ego backlash that puts me again in green. Like feeling fear about talking the real things that happen in society and judging people. Anyway I feel like it's a good thing I have them. Baby steps towards higher consciousness.

In these one hundred and twelve methods there will be nothing about surrender. Why has Shiva not said anything about surrender? Because nothing can be said. Bhairavi herself, Devi herself, has reached Shiva not through any method. She has simply surrendered. So this must be noted. She is asking these questions not for herself, these questions are asked for the whole humanity. She has attained Shiva. She is already in his lap; she is already embraced by him. She has become one with him, but still she is asking. So remember one thing, she is not asking for herself; there is no need. She is asking for the whole humanity. But if she has attained, why is she asking Shiva? Can she herself not speak to the humanity? She has come through the path of surrender, so she doesn’t know anything about method. She herself has come through love; love is enough unto itself. Love doesn’t need anything more. She has come through love, so she doesn’t know anything about any methods, techniques. That is why she is asking. So Shiva relates one hundred and twelve methods. He also will not talk about surrender because surrender is not a method really. You surrender only when every method has become futile, when you cannot reach by any method. You have tried your best. You have knocked on every door and no door opens, and you have passed through all the routes and no route reaches. You have done whatsoever you can do, and now you feel helpless. In that total helplessness surrender happens. So on the path of surrender there is no method. But what is surrender and how does it work? And if surrender works, then what is the need of one hundred and twelve methods? Then why go into them unnecessarily? — the mind will ask. Then okay! If surrender works, it is better to surrender. Why go on hankering after methods? And who knows whether a particular method will suit you or not? And it may take lives to find out. So it is good to surrender, but it is difficult. It is the most difficult thing in the world. Methods are not difficult. They are easy; you can train yourself. But for surrender you cannot train yourself... no training! You cannot ask how to surrender; the very question is absurd. How can you ask how to surrender? Can you ask how to love? Either there is love or there is not, but you cannot ask how to love. And if someone tells you and teaches you how to love, remember, then you will never be capable of love. Once a technique is given to you for love, you will cling to the technique. That is why actors cannot love. They know so many techniques, so many methods — and we are all actors. Once you know the trick how to love, then love will not flower because you can create a facade, a deception. And with the deception you are out of it, not involved. You are protected. Love is being totally open, vulnerable. It is dangerous. You become insecure. We cannot ask how to love, we cannot ask how to surrender. It happens! Love happens, surrender happens. Love and surrender are deeply one. But what is it? And if we cannot know how to surrender, at least we can know how we are maintaining ourselves from surrendering, how we are preventing ourselves from surrendering. That can be known and that is helpful. How is it that you have not surrendered yet? What is your technique of non-surrendering? If you have not fallen in love yet, then the real problem is not how to love. The real problem is to dig deep to find out how you have lived without love, what is your trick, what is your technique, what is your structure — your defense structure, how you have lived without love. That can be understood, and that should be understood. First thing: we live with the ego, in the ego, centered in the ego. I am without knowing who I am. I go on announcing, “I am.” This “I-am-ness” is false, because I do not know who I am. And unless I know who I am, how can I say “P? This “T” is a false “I.” This false “T” is the ego. This is the defense. This protects you from surrendering. You cannot surrender, but you can become aware of this defense measure. If you have become aware of it, it dissolves. By and by, you are not strengthening it, and one day you come to feel, “I am not.” The moment you come to feel “I am not,” surrender happens. So try to find out whether you are. Really, is there any center in you that you can call your “T’?. Go deep down within yourself, go on trying to find out where is this “I,” where is the abode of this ego. Rinzai went to his master and he said, “Give me freedom!” The master said, “Bring yourself. If you are, I will make you free. But if you are not, then how can I make you free? You are already free. And freedom,” his master said, “is not your freedom. Really, freedom is freedom from you. So go and find out where this ‘I’ is, where you are, then come to me. This is the meditation. Go and meditate.” So the disciple Rinzai goes and meditates for weeks, months, and then he comes. Then he says, “I am not the body. Only this much I have found.” So the master says, “This much you have become free. Go again. Try to find out.” Then he tries, meditates, and he finds that “I am not my mind, because I can observe my thoughts. So the observer is different from the observed — I am not my mind.” He comes and says, “I am not my mind.” So his master says, “Now you are three-fourths liberated. Now go again and find out who you are.” So he was thinking, “I am not my body. I am not my mind.” He had read, studied, he was well informed, so he was thinking, “I am not my body, not my mind, so I must be my soul, my atma.” But he meditated, and then he found that there is no atman, no soul, because this atma is nothing but your mental information — just doctrines, words, philosophies. So he came running one day and he said, “Now I am no more!” Then his master said, “Am I now to teach you the methods for freedom?” Rinzai said, “I am free because I am no more. There is no one to be in bondage. I am just a wide emptiness, a nothingness.” Only nothingness can be free. If you are something, you will be in bondage. If you are, you will be in bondage. Only a void, a vacant space, can be free. Then you cannot bind it. Rinzai came running and said, “I am no more. Nowhere am I to be found.” This is freedom. And for the first time he touched his master’s feet — for the first time! Not actually, because he had touched them many times before also. But the master said, “For the first time you have touched my feet.” Rinzai asked, “Why do you say for the first time? I have touched your feet many times.” The master said, “But you were there, so how could you touch my feet while you were already there? While you are there how can you touch my feet?” The “I” can never touch anybody’s feet. Even though it apparently looks like it touches somebody’s feet, it is touching its own feet, just in a round-about way. “You have touched my feet for the first time,” the master said, “because now you are no more. And this is also the last time,” the master said. “The first and the last.”

I like math cause its like, dividing or identifying free floating segments that dont have a length yet, and figuring out what they are. Likewise, i think about times when im in my dream, thinking that im now in this scene (Note: Thats the significant part, the being in the scene (why'm i stuck there) ; Not the flashforward thereafter). And its not until i start to control myself that it suddenly falls apart, much like pulling the curtain up, in the quickest of flashes... Its like "FLASH", and its over. I think about things in this way, like being hit by lightning. To me, i see things as being a *weirder than you thought* situation, being an individual whos experienced many, quite unusual things. Unfortunately i have this foundation now of missing lego bricks that i have had the misfortunate to collect off the ground; As a witness of a sledgehammer doing sledge hammering, scattered and gone, both staggered and in flashes. Thats why, to understand anything we have to look beyond the realm of what has, and can ever be known. Likewise, the subject must enapsulate the story somehow. Without the story, then it is a reduced broth that fits into a small vile, further contained in a napsack that is a lone bag on the picket fence. Words dont have meaning without the movement of other words and other individuals to make mistakes watching them move, leading us to a mistaken place while we speak in mistaken fallacys about its mistaken nothingness. It is not til later that we say, "Oh i think i under_stand it"... and later, "I think i under'stand it some more"... does that make sense?

thats the highest state you dont want to know anything. There is a practice to hold that state of nothingness in your mind for as long as possible. If you hold that state you live life like a dream.

How do you explain that it still exists outside of my awareness? For instance, my friend could video record it being inside of the thief’s garage. If it really vanished into nothingness, then how is it the case that I can find my car and that my car could be stolen in the first place? My car is literally nothingness right now, so how can it be stolen? You see this idealism is bullcrap. It is not in alignment with how reality works. By this logic, there is no murderer because he is nothingness. But if we really believed this, then we wouldn’t bother to search. We would just say that our qualia shows us a dead person and that’s it. When you throw rationality out the window, you are left with delusion.

Nope. The answer is consciousness. You become conscious of the true nature of that qualia of a dream . Likewise...entertain the possibility that you simply can grasp directly what this qualia of this moment actually is . No.it has been answered .but it's so radical and mind bending that you cannot accept it . "It’s not like my car has vanished into nothingness until I perceive it" That's ⬆️ literally the case . This requires deep carful inspection of "whats actually happening "vs what you think is happening.

I don’t think this question really has been answered. How is my conscious experience all there is if there are things that happen outside of it such as a thief stealing my car. I can go find my car out beyond what I currently perceive. It’s not like my car has vanished into nothingness until I perceive it. A thief can scratch the car even though I’m not there to observe it. How else would you explain how the scratches got there?

Yes helped me a lot, was a revolution. I used like 2 years, first big doses that were quite horrible, then lower doses very often, was like a process to open myself to than substance, little by little, until I could do very easily, and then become useless, at least for now. I think I did like 200 times but I'm not sure. I never felt side effects, I could vape 20 mg and 1 hour later do sport, meeting people, anything, without the slightest side effect. A very important point for me were energetic blockages, you could say that they are trauma of consecuence of the trauma. Another very important point was the total openess to the unlimited. At first it feels like death, nothingness, absolute void, and is extremely challenging, you have to get used to it to be able to open yourself to the unlimited without any substance, it's like ride in bike with small whells before to do without any help

Does Nothingness Exist?

That is a contradiction, when there is Awakening there is no "this lifetime". That is right, we are letting the spiritual insight interact with this particular space and time. this one set of particular circumstances is what's meaningful. That is correct, I made a mistake here. Enlightenment is not realized "in this life", but only when you transcend your life. When you are "yourself", you are, by definition, not fully aware. If you want to experience something beyond absolute nothingness(i.e., death), you have to indulge in the illusion of the self and willingly limit yourself. Thats what I would argue against, I think it is the only meaningful thing there is right now. I think going through illusory experiences is the only way to feel normal and whole. When the act ends, there is nothing. It is non-existent. The only thing that exists and can have meaning is when the act is restarted, anything else literally couldn't exist. I wholeheartedly agree with this! But this sort of fulfillment can only come from the fact that you were stuck in an illusory limitation to begin with, otherwise this insight would be meaningless.

Beautiful math So beautiful. It's rare when something brings me into awe. Nothingness What fascinated me first were not the geometrical shapes but the nothingness between it. Maybe because at the beginning of the video you look into the deep vastness of it and the geometrical shapes maybe contribute to a certain perception of it. I wanted to jump into the nothingness. Without fear. That really must be a special kind of experience.

@BlueOak I'm not entirely sure where all of this is supposed to lead, except "Nowhere" but what is that, is it as I'm consistently getting the impression of "A state of complete and utter denial of existence itself through its dissolution through one's own dissolution through the dissolution of every bias, and doing everything to keep it that was, so much so, to transcend the strange loop and just the nothingness without any sensation forever, the seeming end goal of all these pointers and language used" or is it just liberation from temporary suffering but not existence or its exploration in and of itself. You can come back tomorrow, I gotta sleep myself and it's gonna be a long day tomorrow.

@BlueOak Yay, save me with the Advaita quotes, Nothingness dogma is soooooooo great... "Who is the one asking the question?" "Where is the boundary between you and the world?" "What is witnessing this very thought?" "Who were you before the thought 'I am' arose?" "Can the seer be seen?" "What is here without labels or names?" "Who are you when you are not thinking?" "Where is the beginning of now?" "What lies beneath the constant stream of mind?" "Can the mirror see itself?" "Who experiences the body?" "What is prior to birth and death?" "What exists beyond the need for definition?" "Can the self be found in anything outside of this moment?" "Who is aware of your dreams?" "Is there a thinker behind the thoughts?" "Without memory, who are you?" "What is the source of the 'I'?" "Is the witness bound by time?" "Who stands apart to say 'I am'?" "Can anything arise without awareness?" "Where do thoughts come from, and where do they go?" "What is the nature of the silence within?" "Who holds onto the idea of a separate self?" "Is the perceiver different from what is perceived?" "What is the self made of?" "Can the 'I' be seen directly?" "Who experiences time if there is only the now?" "What observes both pleasure and pain?" "Who is beyond the body and mind?" "Where is the center of the universe if there is no 'you'?" "What is aware of the thoughts about the future?" "Who watches the unfolding of this moment?" "Can you point to yourself without thought?" "Where do you end and the world begin?" "Who controls the breath?" "What is left when you stop identifying with the mind?" "Is the self found in any object or sensation?" "What happens when you let go of the need to be someone?" "Who is aware of both waking and sleeping?" "What perceives even the most subtle feeling of 'I'?" "Can anything exist outside of awareness?" "Who is present in deep sleep?" "What is there before the mind assigns meaning?" "What observes the thoughts of both doubt and certainty?" "Who is the one waiting for liberation?" "Is the self separate from the flow of life?" "Who is there when the story of 'you' fades away?" "What remains when the sense of individuality dissolves?" "Who observes the witness?" "Who is aware of your awareness?" "Where does the 'I' reside?" "Who is listening right now?" "Can you observe the observer?" "Who notices the rise and fall of emotions?" "What sees beyond seeing?" "Who claims ownership over this body?" "Where do you go when thoughts stop?" "Who is it that seeks enlightenment?" "What is behind the feeling of being separate?" "Who is it that doubts?" "Can you find the thinker of your thoughts?" "What observes the passage of time?" "Who is aware of the mind's chatter?" "Where is the self you are trying to protect?" "Who watches thoughts pass like clouds?" "What lies beyond the identification with form?" "Is there a self apart from this moment?" "Who is the creator of experience?" "What is the source of your identity?" "Can you separate yourself from this present awareness?" "Who is aware of awareness being aware?" "What watches the changes in your body over time?" "Is there a 'you' outside of thought?" "Who is it that desires control?" "What witnesses the sleep and waking states?" "Where is the observer located?" "Who is the knower of all sensations?" "Can the self exist without being perceived?" "What lies between you and pure being?" "Who labels this experience?" "Where does the 'I' dissolve in deep meditation?" "Who fears the loss of self?" "What sees the world without filters?" "Who defines what 'you' are?" "Can you experience the world without a 'me'?" "What is prior to all thoughts of identity?" "Who is aware of the awareness of thought?" "What notices both effort and surrender?" "Where is the one who seeks peace?" "What witnesses all states of consciousness?" "Can the ego exist without attachment?" "Who experiences the flow of time?" "Where is the 'I' in the silence of being?" "Who feels separate from the universe?" "What remains when the story of 'self' falls away?" "Is there a thinker behind every thought?" "Who experiences both doubt and belief?" "What observes the space between thoughts?" "Can you separate yourself from awareness itself?"

I used to identify myself to "right wing liberal populism" (if you see what i mean) before to realize (or rather accept, btw) that it was basically intellectual nothingness, particularly motivated by dubious and unsound instances of the ego ; General absence of a holistic and subversive vision of things.

You're welcome. There's a lot in the Feminine spiritual path, and God has specifically reflected to me in my journeys that the reason I'm female in the first place is because I preferred this path... which is quite similar to what Ken Wilbur was saying in the quote you had up previously. The way I would characterize the more Masculine path (which I've also had some experience with, but I don't prefer it) is the realization of nothingness as a result of ego death. While the Feminine path is the Earthly path... and is about finding meaning and beauty through embracing limitations and dualities. In my Ayahuasca experience back in 2020 right at the beginning of the pandemic, I came in with the question "Should I continue to seek enlightenment or should I double down into my human perspective as Emerald?" And this had been something nagging at me at the time. And so, when I took the Ayahuasca, I began to die. And there was this wave of death coming in to annihilate me. And there was nothing I could do. So, I surrendered to it... and I kept working to surrender and surrender and surrender. And I even had to surrender to the fact that there were parts of me that couldn't surrender. And then, there was pure nothingness and pure consciousness. And the consciousness recognized the enlightened state, but there was no Emerald to experience it. Emerald and the entire world had blown away like dust in the wind... and obvious illusion. Then, from that nothingness the everythingness began to arise. And the consciousness that typically sits behind my eyes experienced itself as the infinite God mind and infinite God heart. And my consciousness was in the perspective of the Divine Masculine... love and knowing all forever and ever and eternity all in one instant. And my consciousness was grieving all griefs and suffering all sufferings in this infinite nothingness where everythingness arises. But then, the point of consciousness that typically sits behind my eyes couldn't tolerate the infinite suffering. And the point of consciousnesss that sits behind my eyes went from an infinite oneness and split into to a twoness. And there was God consciousness and a slightly split off fractured God consciousness. And the whole God consciousness would wrap itself around everything and this fractured God consciousness and alleviate all the sufferings. And the point of consciousness that typically sits behind my eyes would feel relieved... only to have infinite suffering re-arise and to be back to grieving all griefs and suffering all sufferings. And this cycle of suffering as semi-fractured God consciousness went on and on and on for an eternity, until the point of consciousness that sits behind my eyes surrendered and conceded that it could not be with the infinite suffering any longer. So, God... out of mercy towards itself... split this part of itself off completely to give it mercy from the infinite by embodying it in a finite form. And then, after an eternity of death, the Emerald illusion was re-spun. And I was born again in the same moment of death from an eternity before when the medicine journey first began. And I now understood why I decided to come into this life in the first place... as God's vacation from the infinite. But I was like Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings when he forgot his name after an eternity outside of space/time. And it was difficult to get re-grounded as Emerald. And then, after I came back into form I had to struggle to keep my consciousness grounded to my body as the Ayahuasca was still in effect. And I fought and fought and fought in a process that felt a little like death, a little like sex, and a little like childbirth. And then after this struggle, I gave birth to the new world. (Note: This was the first week the pandemic lockdowns began and that was evidently related to this new world.) And God consciousness (now separate) was sharing with me that my life's purpose is mercy... and that my reason for being incarnate is mercy through limitation of suffering. And that I can also, act as an intermediary in my life to help other human beings experience mercy. And it had gifted me with capacities and experiences of trauma and suffering for doing that... just because I wanted to be able to play that role. The thing is... hen you're incarnate, you have one lifetime of suffering and joy. And you can have meaning and there's beauty to it. And you have the choice to choose joy in your life. And it answered my question, and it was clear to me that I much prefer the Feminine embodiment path and not the Masculine transcendent path. And in this path, you get to be like the precious gem of God... living separately from it and acting as its beloved as it gives you gifts and you receive them. And because of past traumas, I had grown up with a lot of resistance to the Feminine and had held a lot of esoterically patriarchal values. But it showed me that it had made me female for a reason, and affirmed to me that my path is a more Feminine path. And I looked down at my nails (I had gotten fake nails with French tips earlier that week, so they looked more Feminine than usual), and as I looked down at my arms and hands... I recognized myself being cradled by the arms of the goddess. And I was both the goddess and the child of the goddess. But the entire universe was the arms and hands of the goddess... which were also my own arms and hands. Then, after a while, I was just the ordinary human Emerald again and I grieved intensely and was crying. But the whole next day I was very alone. There were only 8 people at the ceremony (there's usually 80 at these ceremonies), and everyone was sequestered away from each other because it was the first week of the pandemic. And I was all by myself and there was this small subtle translucent white contoured sacred geometry shape (like a circle inside a triangle inside a square) that hung around all day in my upper vision. And it felt like the barrier between myself and the infinite was ripped, and all the infinite was coming through this small rip in my consciousness. And I was afraid of getting sick from Covid, so I tried not to connect with others and stay alone. And I kept taking a bunch of showers to try to ground myself. But it was like my consciousness was running away from my body. And all of my trauma wounds had been opened. And everything felt WAY too holy and pure. And it was clear to me why there are folktales about demons not being able to exist on hallowed ground. Experiencing too much purity and holiness is like an intense heat that starts to melt away all barriers. And because of this feeling of dissolution, I finally caved and decided to go connect with other people at the retreat because I felt like I was going to go crazy if I didn't. And I did feel quite a bit more grounded once I did. But the BEST feeling, when my husband picked me up from the retreat on the final day, was that we got out to the highway. And there was the mercy of honking horns, traffic Jams, and my husband's road rage. And I was immersed back into the world of profanity and imperfection. And it was such a relief from the intensity of the holiness and purity. But when I was at the Ayahuasca church, for the couple days after my ceremony it was like the whole place felt like it was existing on some holier plane that I couldn't exist comfortably on as it was driving all of my traumas and separations to the surface and breaking them down... and pulling me away from my state of separation from God and drawing me in closer to disintegration and death... like Icarus flying too close to the sun. And once I was back in the world of forms, it was like the moon came out again and gave me some mercy from the sun. And connecting with other people is a great way to get you back grounded into the world of form.

Self-deception on psychedelics – Pseudo God-consciousness A few days ago I had a trip on 5g of GT mushrooms after an uncharacteristically long break. The experience was polarizing to say the least, but in the end I'm glad I had it. Prior to that I vaped some O-PCE, and didn't have a particular direction or intention, just wished to see what arises. Well, perhaps I was a little curious as to why I'd never encountered any entities. Knowing they're simply projections of my mind has made the entire concept redundant, but still. Sure enough, I'd soon meet some. From the beginning the vibes were a little off. I was feeling a surge of energy within me, like I imagine a sudden Kundalini awakening would feel. I had no control of this, which is fine, but I brought a bucket for vomiting just in case. Gradually the trip ramped up and I was transported to some looney-land in the 6th dimension. It was all very bizzare, the entities were doll-like. From the way they interacted, their day to day lives were fairly similar to humans. I was taken through hospital machines on a rollercoaster, it seemed as though the purity of my soul was being tested. Fail, and the trip turns nightmarish. That lasted for some amount of time and I passed in the end, but was somewhat shaken. In the background I was conscious that I was doing this to myself, but through the entire ordeal I was paralyzed, so it didn't feel like that. Now the fun part starts. With the peak approaching, the holistic perception also got maxxed out. Only in this case it was a fake holism, taking dozens of relative truths I encountered during the last few months and synthesizing them into a grand narrative, seeing patterns where there are none. Everything clicked and it made so much sense. In fact it was so obvious I thought myself a fool for not seeing it sooner, and questioned whether everyone else on the path was already aware of it, with only me left in the dark till now. That was accompanied by a strong sense of deja vu, as if I'd grasped it all before but chose to forget because of how immense it was. I don't recall many elements right now, nor are they particularly relevant since it all turned out to be a dud, but in essence I thought I had discovered a human God mode, a cheat code to life that'd let me make money out of nothing, learn everything I wanted to in a matter of weeks, achieve near-impossible things with little effort, and so on. Plus some rather ridiculous bits of conspiratorial thinking. In retrospect, the issue was that I forgot to remove the ego from the equation, so the perception was warped, but not badly enough for me to notice right away, before it was too late. The best lies have a sliver of truth in them though, so there was also an ineffable experience of absolute beauty and divine creativity. Just amazing, no words for how inspiring it was. From that lens, it was my best trip yet. With that accompaniment, it shifted into a higher gear. Now I was dealing with the very laws of physics, time, creating human consciousness out of nothing, etc. I had a feeling it could go to an entirely new dimension of awakening if I only just looked at myself in the mirror and accepted the entirety of the universe, yet I was stalling on that, wanting to experience the creative mode some more, which was gradually beginning to weigh down on me, literally my legs got so weak I had to support myself on the bathroom sink to not fall down. Time started to loop. As I was reconfiguring the universe in my mind, there was always this or that that I wanted to adjust, never settling on a single design, as I knew whatever I chose, there'd be no changing that later and nobody to blame but myself should something be lacking, so I'd reset it every time. It felt like I spent a very, very long time in that headspace. Seemingly settling on something at last, the last change took place, a complete 180, towards what you might call a bad trip. I was locked into a mode of perception so neutral and bland it was sickening. Nothing alike the peaceful 'reality as it is' meditative state. It's difficult to describe, just that it was utterly devoid of creativity, imagination, individuality, artistry, and other such qualities, as though they were permanently stripped away. So static, so boring, so deterministic, so hollow. Whatever I did, clearly some wires got crossed wrong. I felt that I doomed myself and everyone else to this monstrous mode of being, and started to apologize repeatedly. This wouldn't subside for hours, I couldn't shake it off or fall asleep. The only available option now was death, to wipe it all away and return to a void of nothingness. For some reason I thought a medium dose of etizolam would kill me, so I took that, and eventually blacked out, taking a long nap. To conclude, that was a multi-faceted, powerful, and humbling experience. Just what I needed after an extended break before diving even deeper. A reminder to not let the ego interfere, else you risk messing with things beyond your comprehension and ability. Had I possesed infinite intelligence then, I wouldn't have wanted to change anything, but that's not what happened. If you think ordinary self-deception is bad, wait till you're self-deceived on a psychedelic Well, that was fun!

It's a metapjysical term to describe the substance of reality. The substance of reality is nothingness. There is nothing outside of your own consciousness. That is what a dream is. But there can be extreme detail and conplexity within the dream. And it is Real. If a dream is reality than reality and a dream mean the same thing. There is nothing outside of it to which to compare real vs unreal.