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You're right. How could I have been so stupid to think that Jed is Adya? Jed is an alien.

Wiring component A Related to emotional abuse Emotional abuse in childhood. It causes abuse to be normalized. For example - if a child is called a loser or fat by the parent, then when they grow up they are not able to differentiate between being respected by their partner or being verbally insulted as fat. This is because they can't differentiate between abuse and love. They take abuse or accept abuse as love. So they can't easily detect abusive love. For them it doesn't appear distinctly different from proper healthy love because they simply don't know what healthy love looks like. So three things happen here. 1. Not having a standard model of respectful behavior as a map/guide One is that you don't have a template, role model, framework, or blueprint of what respectful behavior looks like. This means you will never have the chance to know what behavior you should be looking for or picking. No healthy option given to you. You don't even know if a healthy option exists. 2. Normalization of abuse. Emotional abuse in childhood. It causes abuse to be normalized. For example - if a child is called a loser or fat by the parent, then when they grow up they are not able to differentiate between being respected by their partner or being verbally insulted as fat. This is because they can't differentiate between abuse and love. They take abuse or accept abuse as love. So they can't easily detect abusive love. For them it doesn't appear distinctly different from proper healthy love because they simply don't know what healthy love looks like. You think that it's ok to be abused since you begin to downplay your own abuse or don't take it seriously. You don't fight hard. You think it's ok or manageable. You don't even realize it's abuse to begin with. It doesn't create a shock factor. It does not shock you enough. It doesn't look or seem alien to you. Because you are so used to it. 3. Zero understanding and zero enforcement of boundaries. Emotional abuse also means that your boundaries have always been broken. The abuser always forcefully breaks your boundaries one by one so to get you used to it over time. So when you grow up you don't have a sense of boundaries. You don't understand boundaries. (you only understand boundaries after you are properly fucked up) You don't even know what a boundary should look like because you have never been taught to have one. You missed out on the crash course on boundaries that your peers got. All of these factors easily causes you to never see a relationship as abusive and or cause you to stay put or stay stuck in these relationships for a long time and doesn't enable you to leave them. In simple words, past or childhood instances of abuse enable patterns of abuse in adult life that causes the chain reaction pattern of progression of abuse seen in abuse survivors who constantly fall victim to cyclical patterns of abuse that never seems to stop. It's like once you are abused, you will be abused repeatedly without breaking this pattern.

Yeah anything above 70-80mg is amazing, but the hole kicks in at a little over 140mg with me, so yeah Lilly's 150mg bottom range makes sense! Perhaps an extremely brief (momentary) k hole peak with a little less (maybe 125mg), but holing for any length of time takes 140-170+ mg, in my experience. As far as extending the peak duration with higher doses... I'll illustrate, with basic pharmacology, the extent to which that is the case: 1. both r and s (and racemic) ketamine are very short acting and rapidly cleared -- 30 minute half life. 2. it has an intranasal tmax (time to peak concentration) of 15 minutes. Therefore, if you took exactly double the amount of ketamine required to very briefly (momentarily) k-hole at the peak (as in took around 125x2=250mg), you would be coming out of the k hole right at 15+30= T+45min. I've gone over 200mg in one dose and the hole still never lasted up to the 60 minute mark post-dose. Used 400mg in a sitting once, purposely avoiding actually falling into the hole or completely losing bodily control, while getting as close as possible -- extremely hard non-holing trip that lasted a few hours. For shits and giggles, if you took quadruple the dose that would theoretically give a momentary k hole peak, 125x4= 500mg (NOBODY EVER TAKE THAT ALL AT ONCE , as if it would even be possible to absorb that much intranasally all at once... and you wouldn't be able to spread it out since you'd be incapacitated), you would be coming out of the k hole right at 15+30+30= 75 minutes. One additional half life (30 minutes) worth of duration per each doubling of the dose. Maybe some got stuck on a dry spot of your nasal lining and absorbed later? Lol that would be unheard of though. Perhaps a significant amount of the drip was absorbed orally -- that may be what happened as it would have a longer duration than IN, and especially long if gastric emptying was slowed due to recent food intake... <-- If you laid down on your back right away, that could have easily happened -- you always want to keep your head leaning slightly forward after IN administration for as long as is safe (before you must lie down lest you risk injury). If there was still complete lack of possession and control over your completely-still-and-incapacitated material body past the 60 minute mark... I would highly doubt whether it was ketamine... But beyond 2 hours of clock-time?....... If the whole dose was insufflated in one go (or at least within ~10 minutes) I would bet it was a longer acting ketamine derivative -- DCK has been really common, especially around half a decade ago. Unless you have some kind of genetic modulation of how you process ketamine, or had taken something that interferes with its clearance. 140+ mg definitely can be quite a harrowing reset. I usually only took around 40-100mg (intranasally). Though I did k hole several times with well over 140mg. Sometimes 400mg in a sitting, but over the course of a few hours, certainly not all at once. 70-100mg is a nice dose for insight, without quite the craziness and potential danger of k holing (140-200+ mg) -- though you still need to lie down... after a significant amount of the stuff absorbs of course (for >2-5 minutes or as long as is safe) while sitting up first with head angled slightly forward or straight (if head is angled back, it drips to your stomach real quick). Before I got into spirituality, the k hole was completely different to how it presents now. It was like an alien astral projection world with divine entities then, but now (as of a year ago) it's completely indescribable -- infinite; timeless.

Maybe all of the thoughts I share here are going to be awkward in some way for me to reveal though I want to share them so that I can make the tiniest impact on cultures memetic gene pool so that its creative nervous system maintains its health, in saying that in the interests of the "host" I am aware of course that some of my thoughts will be "rejected" by a cells "anti-virus" system haha. First thought - Aliens and sexuality: Sometimes I imagine a female alien species to have sexual thoughts about from a planet brought about by particular laws that don't conflict with my own belief system so I can override my own conditioned responses to sex. I can imagine all varieties permutations reflective and not reflective of human characteristics, though much more than enough human symmetry. I have also imagined being sexual with not even bodily forms but simply energies, including imagining the sexual energy of the universe say. Today for example I imagined that she came from a planet that arose out of a "pure pleasure principle" meaning their natural selection process only reinforces pleasure giving and pleasure receiving. This principle is reflected in the entirety of the origins of all species, landscapes and environments on the planet itself. This makes it easier for me to imagine "infinite pleasure giving" and the enjoyment of giving and receiving to this end rather than allowing the superimposed limits of what I've experienced from other humans. Don't get me wrong, I've had amazing experiences, however our brains tend to limit ourselves based on our "best" experiences, so I wonder about the limits beyond that while recognising the drawbacks if such an imagination isn't treated with intelligence with respect to how I can apply it to my real life. I guess by now you can only imagine the kinds of limits this would enable me to surpass with respect to developing unique knowledge as it concerns subjectivity and honing my intersubjective interpersonal lens on not just sexual experiences but all relationships to sexuality, including the various aesthetics of emotionality and energy That's it for now. I don't watch porn, I barely watch any form of video for the most part, its not as stimulating as I need it to be and nothing can compare outside of the genuine human experience of anything that isn't my own imagination or connecting with the imagination of another. This is just a tester. My writing is pretty lax today, I guess I'm still recovering from sleep deprivation. This is as bad as it'll get really. I'll create a certain way I compose these and reflect that determined sophistication repeatedly.

@zurew My belief is attraction is an inherent biological drive so that people can procreate. The desires that get passed on are the desires that are the norm. Desires that don't lead to copulation are mutations that typically get selected out of the gene pool. Desires that keep appearing in some way are consistent mutations that must serve some evolutionary function. We understand how attraction works and it comes from evolutionary process. What we don't know is why we evolve and why we want to procreate and make more of ourselves. That's an alien force that governs all human and animal actions beyond us and perhaps beyond our comprehension. People can call it god or whatever but it exists and it's why we are what we are.

@Leo Gura Trying to lift more than your body is ready for can easily result in a physical injury. When you did the mushrooms you were a sapling compared to what you've become. 5MEO is just about the heaviest weight the mind can lift, so I doubt the mushroom trip would be so disturbing this time around. That said, the trip protocol I described is phenomenologically absurd in scale. It seems like a different dimension of experience altogether compared to 5MEO. I can very much see why some people believe mushrooms are "alien beacons". I still definitely recommend it. It will probably cause you to re-examine your views regarding psilocybin's potential as a spiritual tool. I think one thing it is very good at is scanning your body / mind to see what you need and what you're ready for. And then it will show you. You may be ready for quite a lot. My reaction to the protocol was also "Holy Fuck!". Not so much "Holy fuck it's crazy what consciousness is capable of". but more like: "Holy fuck, God is real". And I don't simply mean the universal consciousness made out of the infinite energy of pure unconditional love It is certainly that, but it also, unbelievably, encompasses the religious concept of God to an unsettling degree. For instance, it becomes immediately obvious why churches, stained glass, depictions of angels and souls and all of the ecclesiastical paraphernalia looks the way it does. Originally it was designed from memory. It's a visual transcription of the mushroom world / the realm of God's imagination in process. This may be unique to mushrooms, and it's something very much worth seeing / becoming (in my opinion. I'm not sure it's any less profound than 5MEO, but it is a very different aspect of God, a very different flavour. Psilocybin therapy is beginning to really take off around the world, and there is a growing interest in this tryptamine specifically in people from all walks of life. If you did a new video on a heroic dose of psilocybin as per the ICL protocol, I think there would be a pretty large influx of people interested in your work, associated opportunities etc. More than you'd expect. Will probably become your most viewed video. For what it's worth. Here is the ICL playlist I used. Go do it...! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2mT6LpOU4ipJ0BkoCigAiw

I think the most obvious chemical to experience such “alien” states is psilocybin. I really, really recommend a 5-6 gram dose, blindfolded, wearing headphones and listening to the ICL Psilocybin playlist. I wouldn’t scrimp on the dose even if you consider yourself to have low tolerance. The addition of music has some very profound effects which may well give you the totally alien experience you’re after. Not God consciousness as such - more like profoundly deep soul consciousness. An absolutely fascinating state which I think may help to put 5MEO-style God consciousness into an even deeper context and allow fuller integration. The ICL-selected tracks were included and ordered so as to maximise the emotional impact of the journey, with different tracks coming along at what feels like exactly the right time. It’s mindblowing. You will completely forget you were / are human if you follow the protocol, don’t open your eyes, etc. The difference between being blindfolded + playlist or just taking 5g eyes-open and “chilling” is probably pretty similar to the difference between lighting a scented candle versus being hurled into the sun. Since it takes you so completely into the moment, into the infinite Y axis, the downside is it will feel like madness for the last couple of hours as you experience thought loops (the X axis, or “time” coming back online) and the shifting between two worlds (“heaven” and “Earth”). But you can leave notes to calm you down and remind yourself that you’ve taken a drug and the feelings of madness will pass. Cannot recommend this experience enough. I would be very interested to hear if you consider it to be more / less profound than your breakthrough experiences with 5MEO.

I see what you mean. from my experience with the Ketamine: after a certain dose, it becomes really alien/extraterrestrial. But it goes through phases. Total annihilation of form - Complete erasing of consciousness - reboot - new tier/dimension of consciousness. Now I did take a huge amount (for me atleast) Insufflated 220mg S-isomer K. It was absolute hell to go through. But it was by far one of the most valuable trips I have gone through. It gave such a “grounded” feeling. I felt like a new solid ground got rebuild for exploring completely new territories. But really understand what you mean. Its a bit risky, and can be taxing on your health. Had a rough time breathing through the nose for 2 weeks.

I'm not really interested in chemicals to access total formlessness. I'm more interested in totally alien states of consciousness which I have as yet not encountered. But I also have to be careful that accessing these states doesn't come with too much risk. For example I would like to experience what datura can do, but it's too dangerous IMO.

The traditional medicines like Ayahuasca are very safe. They have been used by tribes for centuries and would have been weeded out long ago if dangerous. That’s why it is good to stick with the traditional medicines. Also, a good shaman is very important. I have done over a dozen ceremonies with the same shaman and have seen him guide many people that were going through serious traumatic purges in a way that was healing. I can’t imagine what would happen to these people under the care of one of the many fake and unqualified servers. “I avoid synthetic drugs and prefer the organic hallucinogens, because I believe that a long history of shamanic usage is the first seal of approval that one must look for when selecting a substance for its possible effects on personal growth. And if a plant has been used for thousands of years, one can also be fairly confident that it does not cause tumors or miscarriages or carry other unacceptable phys­ical risks. Over time, trial and error has resulted in the choice of the most effective and least toxic plants for shamanic use. Other criteria are also relevant when evaluating a substance. It is important to use only those compounds that do not insult the physical brain; regardless of what the physical brain does or doesn't have to do with the mind, it certainly has much to do with the metabolism of hallucinogens. Compounds alien to the brain and therefore difficult for it to metabolize should be avoided. One way of judging how long a relationship between humans and a plant has been in place is to notice how benign the compound is in human metabolism. If after you have taken a plant, your eyes are not in focus forty-eight hours later, or your knees are feeling rubbery three days later, then this is not a benign compound that has evolved into a smooth hand-in-glove fit with the human user.” Terence McKenna. Food of the Gods (Kindle Locations 3668-3672).

You really think that trained military fighter pilots are dumb enough to not know the difference between an alien spacecraft and a glare? And radar systems lock onto glare? That is some serious copium. What's next? Trump won the election?

Theres a lot of content now days about hook up culture and its negative affects, or mens spaces talk about how body count affects pair bonding. How do we morally without guilt go about dating if we aren't in a position to be in a relationship due to focusing on other areas of life ie work, self actualisation or simply find it better to have a degree of independence, or we just want to do pick up for self development. We don't want to be celibate, but don't want a full blown relationship as that takes a lot of energy and time or if you don't believe in legal marriage/want kids. Mens spaces talk about casual sex being bad for women then promote spinning plates and 'enjoying the decline'. How can we enjoy the decline when we are living in that declining society. There are karmic affects, we create the society we live in. Dating can be viewed as development in that through the pain/pleasure cycle we experience, it forces us to seek the peace of presence which is always with us, it can be a force that pushes us and others towards self actualisation. But what we actually see in reality is most people becoming bitter, nihilistic, closed off, and dis embodied. They'll still have sex or meet those needs, but with minimal emotion, only going through the motions. And this is helped further through numbing, and substances such as alcohol, drugs etc. A emotionally healthy person should be able to feel emotion, a spiritually advanced person will feel emotion and yet not get attached. Thats what life and especially dating should teach us, to not be attached to form, and yet enjoy it. Be in the world yet not of it, I just don't see that happen and so have to question whether I want to contribute to that suffering. Knowledge makes one aware of the amoral aspect of human nature and biology when it comes to mating, evolution doesn't care about human happiness. We have to consciously live life to find happiness without giving in to some of our instincts. Ancient instincts, in a alien modern environment if not controlled will cause pain. Its why we can't just gorge on sugar salt fat, or have to fight to not be lazy when survival is taken care of. In the same way our mating instincts can cause a lot of problems and is in the modern world. As we become aware of the negative emotional consequences unfettered mating has long term when people can't get into relationships or have so much baggage from failed hook ups or dating trying to lock down people or guys who just want to keep things casual, it makes it harder to partake in the dating game knowing its negative effects it has on women and society. Even if you are honest that you don't want anything serious, people still try to change you or view it as a challenge, and even if they sleep with you that can bond them despite what they say. In the end people get hurt and there is collateral damage. What is the right path.. our instincts drive us to mate, but awareness of the heartbreak those instincts can have causes conflict on what to do. The celibate life is lonely and your suppressing your desire unless transcended, the bachelor life is emotionally taxing and causes guilt of countless heart breaks, the monogamous relationship route is a huge time/energetic investment and thats if you even find the right partner, that also comes with its own challenges as being life long monogamous isn't even within our nature and is almost a spiritual yoga in and of itself. Each have theirs pros and cons and offer growth in different ways. Even if one wants a relationship, the process that leads there ie dating is bound to cause emotional heart break. Maybe the past way of courting (ie dating without sex) was the safest way as sex emotionally bonds us too much to people we find in the end aren't even compatible. People we have love affairs with aren't always people we can build a life with, and that whole process adds baggage disrupting happiness in future relationships. Now we get to know people whilst having sex, where as before people got to know each other before sex. Maybe that is the best method of dating whilst minimising heart break.. but attempting that in todays world you'll come across weak or not confident enough before they move on to someone that seems more 'serious' in their eyes.

With good amount of surgeries almost anyone can be made an attractive male or female. You could, but most of these people are hating their bodies. I believe the cause for most suicides on this area is that these people cannot afford surgery and hormon therapy, so they would rather kill themselves than to live in a body that feels alien to them. I think it is much easier to change your body than to change you gender identity. I don't believe most people are capable changing their identity, and i wouldn't expect them to do so. With that being said, i think there is some validity to your argument, because i don't believe that transness only exclusively comes from biological factors, but i think there could be some cases where transness comes from social factors. I would put much more weight on the biological factors though. The reason why i think about social factors as well, is because of the question around destransitioning. I think there are some cases, where some people tried being trans because they felt it is cool or because they were curious about it, and after they experienced, they decided to rather detransition because it didn't feel right for them.(In this last sentence, i talked about people who didn't have trans indentity, they just tried to be one)

Here you can see some CIA and FBI documents related to alien/ufo topic. You can decide how much validity these documents are holding for you. https://vault.fbi.gov/UFO/UFO Part 1 of 16/view -->link for one of the documents (its on the 22nd page) 2nd link https://www.cia.gov/readingroom/document/cia-rdp90-00806r000100200074-7 3rd link https://www.cia.gov/readingroom/document/0001107974 4th link https://vault.fbi.gov/hottel_guy/Guy Hottel Part 1 of 1/view --> talking about 3 feet tall creatures https://d3i6fh83elv35t.cloudfront.net/static/2021/06/Prelimary-Assessment-UAP-20210625.pdf 144 reports originated from USG sources. Of these, 80 reports involved observation with multiple sensors. https://www.c-span.org/video/?c4792306/user-clip-secretary-richard-blumenthals-fully-prepared-questions&cliptool= this is a video about U.S. SPACE FORCE PROPOSAL here you can hear things like :"The american people have no idea, really no idea, about the immensity of threat in space" of course this doesn't automatically means it is ufo/alien related, but it is interesting how Richard Blumenthal is talking about it.

@Matt23 Yeah I guess so but I think it just makes me even more alien to people. Which is what I want to avoid, which is why I'm even asking the question how to get better with people so I can be less alien. You ask the question how can I get better with people, then people say be yourself. Then you ask what if being myself ostracizes me from people. Then they say be yourself anyway meaning they don't even believe their own advice. It would be one thing to say be yourself even if it makes you lonely rather than saying be yourself and somehow you will get good social results. One's a lie that a lot of people admit but fail to recognize.

Craft which doesn't fly, but can rapidly change its physical location to any arbitrary value. Mimicking the appearance of flight is possible, but pointless. If you were to see one, it wouldn't "fly away", it would just disappear. If Bob Lazar is telling the truth, then most of the conventional UFOs should be human-operated. It's old tech. lol, "alien tech = crazy". "I am God, the one and only = 'ight man, I believe you. Lemme pay you $1000 for your wisdom".

He described Element 115 and its uses before anyone even knew of its existence. He's been confirmed to have worked at the places he's said to have worked. And many of his records have been confirmed to have been erased, mysteriously. Pretty sure there's also evidence of many intelligence agencies raiding his place multiple times. He's lost basically everything. All credibility and employability due to these events. "due to being a stupid crazy person", as I guess some would claim. He's stayed 100% consistent throughout the decades on his story, and has friends which confirmed important parts of it. He clearly has no interest in fame. He's stayed away from the cameras for decades. He's given many UFO details, including information about specific components and how to make them. In time, his claims will be tested. He knows this, and he wouldn't needlessly give away a way to conclusively debunk him. The moment any of his claims are disproven, he'll be known as a fraud for all of history, but he's confident this won't happen as it's highly unlikely he made it up. His claims are consistent with the UFO sightings we've had in recent decades. His claims about the way alien technology operates have been verified, though this would hard for me to explain. He's verified to be a gifted engineer with a sound mind. He had a good job, and gave it all up for literally nothing but ridicule. Again, because he's "a crazy idiot", according to those who believe he's lying. Again, you have to consider what has a higher probability. And you have to consider the character of Bob Lazar. He passes every single one of my BS filters. Not a single fault to him or his story. Disagree if you want. If this was the only evidence of aliens I'd have seen, I'd be skeptical too. I don't care if skeptics say "he's just an idiot who's lost his sanity. He never worked where he's claimed to have worked [despite evidence], and element 115 was just a lucky guess" . This is really shitty logic, imo. There's not a single thing skeptics can say to discredit him.

come to my place . i will show u people who are posessed by jinn. i have seen lot of exorcism. jinn = alien. also we are also alien. adam was created not on earth but in 7th sky ie another galaxy

allah created humans and jinn. jinn are made out of fire. spirits are jinn.deamons are bad jinn.inter diamensional beings are jinn.illuminati are jinn worshipers.jinn are of many shapes. a reptilian looking jinn species posess the ruling elite. that is where u get the lizard alien conpiracy theory. george hw bush was part of a secret society called skull and bones. they are into occult. occult involves dealing with jinn there are good jinn and bad jinn hollywood is jinn inspired. all the creteares u see on movies are jinn inspired. they are based from jinn diamension.all the scary looking creatures in hollywood are made by taking inspiration from jinn diamension.

By definition, yes, it's a UFO. But extraordinarily claims need extraordinary evidence, and this is just.. a light. If you want actual alien evidence, listen to bob lazar.

It's so alien that even if you are literally dreaming at night, it can be impossible to replicate. Even in a situation like a lucid dream where you KNOW you're actually asleep in bed... The experiential element where you completely merge with the surroundings is almost impossible to replicate without being deep in a trip.

4.5 Gram Mushroom Trip - 1/13/22 This trip was from a couple months ago. I haven’t thought about it much since, as I think I used quickly directing my intention back to my normal life as a coping mechanism to avoid emotionally processing what happened. A few days ago I was hit with sudden motivation to delve back into spiritual work, and for the last few hours I’ve been vividly going through my memories of the experience. So I thought writing it out would help me process things. (All time stamps are estimates, as I didn’t look at the time until near the end) 0:00 - I take 4.5 grams of dried mushrooms at 10:30 in the morning on an empty stomach and start walking to a nature preserve near my house. My girlfriend is with me to tripsit. 0:20 - Arrive at the preserve. We find a spot to sit in the grass. We’re in a large open field near a lake shore and a small grove of trees. There’s a large hill and small mountains in the distance. This area is adjacent to a public park, so once we’re settled I head over to a drinking fountain to refill my water bottle. 0:25 - The effects start to kick in on my way back. The familiar tingling and looseness starts to spread over my body. I’m feeling giddy, relaxed, and fresh. “Hahaha here we go!” I think to myself. I sit down next to my girlfriend, acting like an old pro, as at this point she had never done a psychedelic before (100% my ego btw as this was only my 3rd trip - I’m complete noob compared to most people on this forum) 0:30 - I’m looking at the sky, there’s wispy clouds. They start to morph into fractal snowflakes. A few minutes later they become multi-layered, stretching out into 4 semi-transparent layers. The normally flat looking blue sky appears to have depth. 0:35 - I become aware of the sky as a giant dome, overhanging and inclosing my world. This is something I like to notice sober as well, it’s easy to think of the sky as flat when not paying attention. I then look around at the trees, lake and hills. I find the sky much more interesting, so I return to it. What happens next I view as deeply meaningful, maybe even spiritual despite its simplicity. My interpretation of the domed sky inverts, such that its curvature seems convex rather than concave. I get the feeling that I am in outer space looking down rather than up at not merely the sky but the entire planet earth. 0:40 - At this point my experience shifts. While before it was dominated by my physical surroundings, at this point they begin to matter less and I feel my inner world starting to have more influence. I close my eyes unintentionally, and see the classic swirling, spiraling fractals. 0:45 - This is when it gets crazy! I open my eyes and my attention begins to be overtaken by my imagination. Physically and visually, I’m still myself and still in the same place, but mentally I’m traveling to other worlds! The distinction between imagining/seeing/being in these places was blurred. Imagining is the most technically accurate, but I’ll be using the terms going-to/being-in as they best capture the subjective feeling. I was in a cosmic void, I saw a techno-biological alien spacecraft. Barely have any time to look at it, 2 seconds at most. I pass through a dark portal, and now I’m in a field of green grass, vague fantasy vibes. I then enter another world, and another and another! It was so fast!!! Part of me wishes it was just a little bit slower so I could interpret what was happening in each one, but the sheer speed was exhilarating! I wanted to tell my girlfriend about all the cool stuff I was seeing, but I realized in the time it would take to describe one, 2 more would go by! So instead I had to just concentrate on what I was seeing to try to absorb some of it. I won’t describe any of the others as I barely remember them and each lasted only a few seconds. All I remember is they varied widely and I was incapable of thinking about my life or anything in the real world during all this, I was so absorbed by the fantasy. I then mellow out a bit and my experience takes on this somber tone out of nowhere. It doesn’t last long enough for me to figure out its source. It doesn’t seem to be about anything in my actual life, maybe just vaguely that melancholy is an inherent part of life and existence. I sat with it peacefully, didn’t interpret it negatively, it actually felt nice in a way. The worlds resume shortly afterwards 0:50 - I become trapped in a hyper-abstract thought loop about solving a fictional problem in a fictional place. I couldn’t possibly remember it, but I’ll construct an example now to provide a sense of the general tone: “Wait…so if the teal cylinder goes here then the lion’s head needs to go there and oh my the people are really counting on me to get things right…wait what’s happening…oh yeah we’re placing the things for the health of the world and oh yeah I’m doing a great job…this is pretty difficult and confusing…” (imagine this going on for another few minutes) 0:55 - The imagination stops. I look out over the lake and begin contemplating why conflict exists in the world. I vaguely decide that people have mutually exclusive identities, but then I think why couldn’t it just not be that way somehow and I’m unsatisfied with my answer at that point. 1:00 - I lay in the grass. My body and my environment seem so vibrant and surging with life. I look up at a large tree and it seems to be imbued with mystical significance. I reflect on all the mental worlds I had just traveled to and become fixated on the idea: “You go to a place! You go to a place, and realize it’s all ok!” I said that over and over, along with: “You can go anywhere, do anything!” 1:05 - I hallucinate hundreds of tiny black insects crawling through the grass surrounding me. I was fine with it, as I knew they weren’t real. I looked at my girlfriend and she looked so out of place in this natural environment. It’s strange how a human face looks like the most bizarre object. She was wearing a bright violet shirt and had large glasses and looked like a massive caterpillar in the grass. I also was hearing various sounds that I could only describe as techno-biological. There were long droning tones in stacked frequencies low to high, it wasn’t like a chord I’ve heard it was neither harmonious nor dissonant but still strangely beautiful. This was interspersed with sporadic chirping noises and electronic sounding wub wub noises, some so faint I could barely hear them. The whole experience seemed like I was intuiting a future where technology became so advanced that it was able to merge seamlessly with life itself 1:10 - I was surging with energy and vibrancy and my girlfriend asked if I was going to speak in a funny voice like last time. I spontaneously started speaking in a British accent (I’m American) possibly mimicking Alan Watts, or maybe some stereotype I had in my mind of an exuberant explorer: “You can go anywhere! Do anything! Be anyone!” and with a surge of euphoria, “And it will be magnificent!” 1:15 - A few minutes after that, is the first time I’ve ever felt fear on a psychedelic. I’m hit with a spontaneous insight. It felt deeper than could be expressed in words, but it essentially boiled down to the simple tautology of “it is because it is”. This is an idea I’ve had before, but it felt so real, not merely an idea but non-negotiable, unavoidable reality. I was mostly at peace with this idea. For the last 5 years I’ve dedicated a lot of time to philosophy and trying to find the reasons for things. But at a certain point I need to accept that there are no more reasons, it just is. The fear came in when I got the feeling that I had been irreversibly changed by this insight, which was weird because this was already my belief before the trip. A part of me wished I hadn’t seen it. I dug my fingernails into legs and hunched over. I got the feeling that there was this vaguely sinister, disembodied force, looking down at me, that had me trapped and was mildly mocking me. It wasn’t a particular entity, but in my mind it represented the living representation of reality itself. I was filled with a paradoxical mixture of fear and acceptance. 1:20 - I was feeling better now and reality started to seem like a waking lucid dream. It seemed like I could will my body to travel effortlessly in any direction far out into the distance. I felt excited by this limitless potential. I ran briefly in one direction. It felt like effortlessly and smoothly gliding along the ground. Then I stopped. I could go anywhere, but had no reason to. I was overcome by a frustrating sense of nihilism. I ran back to where I came and my shoes fell off as they were loose. 1:25 The last thing I remember I was sitting there for a few minutes and then I must’ve fallen asleep. Which was weird because I was just running and full of energy, didn’t feel tired at all, had slept well the night before, and it was around noon on a sunny day. My girlfriend said my eyes were open for some of it, so maybe my waking trip continued, but I lost memory of it. Whether I was actually asleep or not, I have zero memory of the next 3 hours 4:30 - What happens next is the most bizarre experience of my entire life. I wake up in a complete daze, it’s around 3 in the afternoon. I unconsciously put my shoes back on that my girlfriend retrieved at some point. I have no idea who I am, and have zero memory of my past life, or that I took a drug. I stare off into empty space and my experience feels timeless. It feels like I just now came into existence from nothing, completely from scratch. No past, no concept of a future, just a dazed experience of sitting there, body cold from being outside for hours. 4:50 - I check the time and it displays 20 minutes later than the last time I checked - 3:20-something. It paradoxically feels like either a very long, or surprisingly short time has passed. I look down at my phone, keys, and wallet laying in the grass. They look like very strange, foreign objects, but I vaguely know I’m supposed to keep track of and keep them on me. I recognize the loose feeling in my body as being caused by mushrooms, but all sounds and visuals are gone now. I’m oddly detached from this fact though. I think to myself, “Wouldn’t it be crazy if someone just came into existence from nothing as a grown adult who’s high on mushrooms?” So I knew humans in this reality were supposed to have a past and a life story, but I didn’t have one. “Wait,” I suddenly realized, “Isn’t that what’s happening to me right now?” I was very confused. 5:00 - I had a memory of taking mushrooms, but it felt incredibly distant, as if it was months in the past. Although obviously this was the logical explanation for what was happening to me, it didn’t seem plausible to me at the time. I thought some very bizarre metaphysical event had taken place and things were seriously wrong. This was very scary and unsettling. I think if I was just able to accept that falling asleep on mushrooms was the cause of this, then I could’ve relaxed and enjoyed the end of the trip, but this thought loop kept spiraling. 5:05 - I vaguely remembered my general life story, that I was in school throughout my childhood and have done various other things since then, but my past felt completely uninteresting and unimportant to me, so I didn’t really try to figure it out. It was still difficult to accept mushrooms as the cause, because I had no idea something like this could happen. It felt nothing like mushrooms had before, I was in a lethargic, dissociative fugue state. Like the normal disorientation after an afternoon nap amplified massively. The only thing I could compare this to was trying to piece together what happened after I got a concussion one time, but even then it was much less strange and much easier to reorient myself. I know my head wasn’t physically hurt because I woke up in the same place I fell asleep, and my girlfriend had been with me the whole time. 5:10 - I felt complete nihilism. I was stripped of all psychological motivation. I believed I could do anything I wanted, but had no reason to do anything. This was actual nihilism, not what I thought nihilism to be before. What I called “nihilism” before was a set of ego fueled notions of how I’m so edgy and smarter than everyone because I figured out that nothing actually matters. But that was still filled with all kinds of judgments, beliefs, and values. With this, though, I had none of those. (Except I did still assign a negative meaning to meaninglessness) so I guess that still wasn’t true nihilism) I dug my nails into my leg again and thought that all of us are here desperately, helpless, for no reason, and the only way we can redeem it is by clinging to each other and trying to show compassion. 5:15 - I felt guilty for the sheer length of time my girlfriend had been sitting here with nothing to do. I felt trapped in my own mind, unable to say anything. If I had been able to say the words “I forgot who I was” we could’ve talked and I would’ve felt better. But I also thought I had the right to sit there in peaceful silence. She hadn’t said anything this whole time either, probably feeling apprehensive because I looked visibly distressed. 5:20 - I finally asked if I had fallen asleep and she initially said she didn’t know, which made me feel more confused, but we quickly cleared it up and I was forced to conclude that it was indeed what happened. She was asking me about food, but I was so out of it. I was dissociative, I was talking to her but it didn’t feel like it was me. I tried to just give her my wallet so she could get food on her own, but she stayed with me 5:25 - We started walking back home and I felt like my identity as a human was a metaphysical prison I was being forced back into. While my memory was fully back now, it still felt like I had been newly born an hour ago and I was a bit disappointed about the person I had become. I resented that I would soon have to go to work and live out my normal routines. I was afraid I had been permanently changed and that I was going to be stripped of motivation like this forever 5:30 - I was able to tell my girlfriend that I had forgotten who I was and I started talking about what happened. The trip was completely over at this point, I was just extremely tired and struggling to process what had happened Conclusion Afterwards, I was wondering if I needed to radically change anything about my life, but I found that I was mostly ok with who I was. My motivation returned and I wasn’t permanently changed like I was afraid I was. But it felt like I was able to consciously choose to go back to being the person I was before. I probably did that out of fear and a desire for order and control. After initially processing it, I haven’t thought about it much until now. Looking back, I can imagine continuity, that I’m the same person with the same life story as I was last year. But fundamentally that’s not true. I died, and was reborn. There’s a clear break, a clear discontinuity. I freshly came into existence 2 months ago and decided to continue being the person that my memories told me I was. That was not the only choice I could’ve made, but I’m happy with that choice for now. The last hour was definitely scary, but I’m lucky to be quite psychologically stable and open to bizarre metaphysical ideas, so I still found value in the experience. I can definitely see how something like this could traumatize someone who wasn’t ready for it. Besides the falling asleep issue, I see the other difficult aspects of my trip as a mirror, showing my own dysfunctional nihilism to me. This may have been worsened by the fact that I didn’t have a specific goal going into this trip. It had been almost 5 years since my last trip, and I had always had the idea that I would eventually try a higher dose, this just happened to be when I had access to it. Next time, I’ll have more positive, productive intentions going in and hopefully that will lead to better outcomes. I still see difficult experiences as immensely valuable though Despite some difficulties, that 1st hour was profoundly beautiful. I didn’t know that kind of vibrant, surging feeling of being harmoniously alive was possible! I wish I had stayed awake to experience more of it. Next time I’ll try a lemon tek, as I heard it might help me stay awake. I’ll definitely tell my tripsitter to try to wake me up if this happens again, as that level of disorientation isn’t something I’d want to repeat. I think I definitely would’ve had a full ego death if I had stayed awake. Although I definitely experienced a rebirth, I didn’t feel the sense of oneness with my surroundings that a lot of people describe. Even upon first waking up, I still felt like a separate something, I just had no idea what that thing was I feel better after writing all this, and I’m thinking I might trip again next week, this time on Hawaiian baby woodrose seeds, unless I decide I need more time to integrate

Yes i agree. I have to managed to reach a point where i can confidently escalate and go for a make out with a girl on a first date, something that seemed alien to me 6 months ago. However, i am really off-putted by the harshness i get from girls regarding every mistake i make. You think if i go out on other dates they will be less harsh as long as my performance is around this level?

If say the creator, or God, manifested/imagines this Universe with ease (all the atoms, hairs, bodily cells, galaxies and so) - Does that suggest God created the speed of light? Is God beyond light, especially the speed of light? I will say yes, because not all animals on Earth, I don't think, necessarily require light to survive, hence some alien species may not depend on light like us humans in particular do,